Who am I? || Acharya Prashant, on Raman Maharshi (2019)
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00:00The first question says, Acharyaji Pranam, Sri Ramana Maharshi says, the mind will merge
00:12only by self-inquiry, who am I?
00:17The thought who am I will destroy all other thoughts and finally kill itself.
00:29Then asks the questioner, however in my daily life when I feel jealous, it feels more intuitive
00:40to ask why am I jealous and not who is jealous?
00:46Please speak on Maharshi's method of self-inquiry, who am I?
00:51Because at one place he even goes on to say there is no such thing as the mind and what
00:59I know of is just the mind.
01:13Self-inquiry is not merely a method.
01:25It is the foundation on which the entire edifice of not merely Vedanta but all spirituality
01:51stands.
01:59Who am I pertains to the infinite possibilities available to the ego including the possibility
02:20for the infinite.
02:28When it is queried who am I, who am I at this juncture, who am I right now, not who am I
02:41in general, not who am I as a fixed concept, not who am I as a label, name tag or permanent
02:53identity, who am I right now?
03:03Then a few things should be understood.
03:09Who is the questioner?
03:15The questioner has to be somebody who does not know, otherwise why would he question
03:25at all.
03:28So who is the questioner?
03:33The ego is the questioner because the ego is the only one who does not know.
03:44Above the ego is the pure self or truth, the ultimate state of the ego and because it is
03:59the ultimate and the highest and pure and imminent, therefore there is no way it does
04:08not know, it knows.
04:13The pure self is not going to come to inquire who am I, why?
04:20Because it has no such question and has nobody to ask a question to.
04:27The pure self is also non-dual.
04:31If it is non-dual, how is it going to ever ask a question?
04:37If it is complete in itself and all-knowing, how is it ever going to feel bothered by a
04:47query?
04:49So the question who am I does not really arise from the truth.
04:56It arises to the ego.
05:00The ego wants to know who am I?
05:03Who am I right now?
05:12About whom is the question who am I?
05:16Who is functional right now?
05:18Had the truth been functional right now, would there have been a possibility of discontentment
05:26leading to such a query?
05:31So who is being queried?
05:34The ego is being queried.
05:36Who is raising the query?
05:39The ego is raising the query.
05:43And below the ego is insentient material.
05:52They too are never going to feel bothered by a question pertaining to their identity.
06:11Is this table ever going to be vexed regarding its name?
06:18The table is never going to ask who am I?
06:21And the truth is never going to ask who am I?
06:26Neither the table nor the truth.
06:29So obviously you know who asks who am I.
06:32The ego asks who am I about its present condition.
06:38And to whom does it ask this?
06:40There is nobody else to ask this question to.
06:43The ego raises this question to itself.
06:47It is the ego that has to proceed on the path of self-inquiry.
06:52Who am I?
06:53What is going on?
06:54Who am I right now?
06:55In other words, where is my existence coming from?
07:01Who am I means where is my existence coming from?
07:06And how does the ego know of its existence in the first place?
07:11How do you know that you exist?
07:16You know that you exist by your experiences.
07:20You know that you exist by your happiness, your sadness, all the various things that
07:31you go through, your responses, your reactions, your association with the world.
07:39That is what convinces you that you exist, correct?
07:45So the ego is questioning itself regarding its very conviction.
07:53The conviction that it exists.
07:55It is asking where are my thoughts, for example, coming from?
08:00Where are these feelings coming from?
08:03Because it is only my feelings that convince me that I exist.
08:07In deep sleep I have no feelings.
08:09Then I do not claim that I exist, do I?
08:13How do I feel so utterly sure that I exist?
08:18Because I experience, I think, I feel, I wonder, I touch, I smell.
08:23And hence I feel that I exist.
08:26Remove all the sensory apparatus and would you be able to tell yourself that you do exist?
08:34Would be difficult, right?
08:37So the question, who am I, translates to where is my existence coming from?
08:45Translates to where are my thoughts, feelings and experiences coming from?
08:49Are you getting it?
08:53Where is this stuff coming from?
08:57I just thought of something.
08:58Where did this come from?
09:01I just felt something.
09:03Where did this feeling come from?
09:08I just felt something.
09:09What did I feel?
09:10A terrible attraction.
09:12Where did this attraction come from?
09:15That's who am I.
09:16Now, who is responsible for answering this question?
09:20The ego itself.
09:24What state of the ego is this question arising in?
09:28The state in which the ego is feeling that terrible attraction.
09:34The ego is feeling a terrible attraction as it mostly keeps feeling, right?
09:38Just that sometimes we label it terrible.
09:40At other times we call it pretty mundane, normal, regular.
09:50So this state of the ego that is saying,
09:53I am feeling a terrible attraction is asking itself, where is this coming from?
10:00Now the respondent is the same as the questioner.
10:05Are you seeing this?
10:06Ego is asking the question to itself.
10:12What is the state of the questioner?
10:14The questioner is almost unconscious,
10:19which is proven by the fact that the questioner is feeling a terrible attraction.
10:25So this unconscious questioner is asking itself, where is this coming from?
10:35Now there is a problem.
10:41Now the matter is stuck.
10:42Why?
10:45The respondent is the same as the questioner and the questioner is unconscious.
10:53If the questioner is unconscious, how can the answerer be any different?
10:59But even as the questioner is unconscious and asking, where is all this coming from?
11:05The respondent has been entrusted with the responsibility to answer, correct?
11:12And the two are one.
11:13Their states are same.
11:15They are mirror images.
11:16They are just one.
11:17The ego is questioning itself.
11:20So this unconscious one is asking itself, what is this entire drama from?
11:28Where is the whole thing arising from?
11:34And this entity here, the respondent, is now responsible to answer.
11:44What is the only way it can answer?
11:47What is the only way it can answer?
11:50Remaining unconscious, it cannot answer.
11:54But it has to answer because the question has been posed to nobody but itself.
12:01So under the pressure of the question, the respondent has to change.
12:09Under the pressure of the question, facing the responsibility to answer the question,
12:15this respondent has to change.
12:18Now at this moment when the question was asked, both of these were unconscious.
12:25Otherwise, why would there be a question at all?
12:30But now it is facing the task of answering.
12:33So it has to raise its capacity to answer.
12:41It has to become deserving to answer.
12:45This upward movement is called attention.
12:49You are unconscious but when faced with this question, you summon your attention and you
12:53want to now see, okay, I want to answer it.
12:56And in the process, you are raising your attention.
12:59Raising your attention means your consciousness levels are being raised.
13:09The haze on your mind has to be forcibly cleared away.
13:13When this rises, this too has to rise because the two of them are.
13:20But the answer won't come.
13:22Because the question is asking, tell me the root.
13:24Where is the entire thing coming from?
13:29To go to the root is to go to the very end.
13:35So this has to rise even more.
13:36This too has to rise.
13:37This too has to rise.
13:40So the ego in asking itself, where am I coming from, finds that it has to change if it wants
13:46to answer this question.
13:49It is a special question.
13:51If you want to answer this question, then you cannot remain the one who asked this question.
13:58So at a certain level, hypothetically, the question is answered.
14:04But at that level, you find that the questioner is no more the one who asked the question.
14:09He has been far removed from his unconscious depths.
14:13He has been raised, elevated.
14:15He is no more the same.
14:17Rather, he is no more.
14:19He does not exist at all.
14:21That's the magic associated with who am I?
14:25If you really want to answer, who am I?
14:28If you really succeed in answering, who am I?
14:30Then you will find that both the questioner and the respondent have disappeared.
14:37Is the process exactly clear to everybody?
14:40Clear?
14:41Where is the thing coming from?
14:44Now look at a practical manifestation.
14:47You are angry.
14:49And in the moment of anger, if you can ask, where is this anger coming from?
14:53You will find that you are no more succumbing to anger.
14:56Now where is the angry one who asked this question?
14:59Gone.
15:00No more.
15:01Any state of mind in which you ask the question, where is this thing coming from, will disappear
15:16under the influence of this question.
15:19This question is a great sword.
15:26It cuts down the very hand that wields it.
15:34You ask this question and you will be no more the one who asked this question.
15:38Are you getting it?
15:44The question will always arise from a relatively unconscious state.
15:51But to answer this question, you will have to become conscious.
15:55So the one who asked this question will have to disappear to get the answer, which means
16:02there is nobody to receive the answer, which means there is nobody to give the answer because
16:06the one who is receiving and the one who is giving are actually the same.
16:10So there is no answer actually.
16:12Who am I never gets an answer.
16:15It's just that the questioner fades away.
16:21If you get an answer to who am I, then you are playing some kind of fraud upon yourself.
16:33Who am I simply means I will not remain the one who asked this.
16:43That is the method and it is not a method I said.
16:48It is fundamental discretion.
16:53You have to know the self as separate from non-self.
17:02This is Vivek.
17:05You have to know that the soul is not your glands or hormones.
17:17And if you do not ask where is this coming from, then it is quite likely that you will
17:29misread just hormonal exuberance as something of the soul.
17:43Who am I does not allow you to make that mistake.
17:46Who am I says something is arising, something is happening, something is taking possession
17:52of you, something is just dominating you from within.
17:58Pause.
17:59This is the moment.
18:00Ask.
18:01Hello, sir.
18:02Where are you coming from?
18:03Can you show ticket carrying some identity card?
18:11Who are you?
18:12Where are you coming from?
18:15Ah, so you are coming from Mozambique and I was under the impression that you are coming
18:25from Varanasi.
18:27No, no, you are not what I thought you to be.
18:34I was thinking that you are coming from the banks of the sacred Ganga.
18:40No, no, you are not that one.
18:42You are coming from some jungle.
18:47You are not the pious one I thought you to be.
18:58To the more dramatically minded, who am I can be taken as a tearing away of the mask.
19:14Your emotion, your thought, your identity comes to you and says, you know, I am this,
19:21I am that.
19:22And what do you do?
19:24You tear away the mask.
19:25You don't even ask where from you are coming, just tear away the mask and you say, you don't
19:32even try this again.
19:34I know who you are and where you are coming from.
19:41The tough part is you don't have to do this to anybody outside of you.
19:51You have to do this to yourself.
19:54The question is not who is John and who is Jenny.
19:59The question is who am I?
20:05So you have to disrobe yourself.
20:07You have to tear away your own masks.
20:12You have to uncover your own inner deviousness.
20:25Is the who am I method clear to everybody?
20:30Clear?
20:31Where is this thing coming from?
20:34And remember, you will never really come to know.
20:42Not that it cannot be known, just that the interest in knowing was arising from suffering.
20:50And if you ask this question deeply, the suffering will disappear.
20:55So your interest in pursuing this question will also disappear.
21:00So you will drop it and you will find yourself busy with joyful affairs of life.
21:10And in joy, there is actually no need to ask who am I?
21:15Who am I is a question arising out of suffering.
21:22You pursue this question, the suffering abates, and then who wants to just keep pestering
21:33oneself with the query, who am I, who am I?
21:43Getting it?
21:46Oh, I'm so sad.
21:51What's the question to ask?
21:55From where is this sadness coming?
22:00What is the name of the sad one?
22:10Who is sad?
22:13Where does he draw his legitimacy from?
22:18Who told him that he has a right to exist?
22:22How does he convince himself to be?
22:28Are you getting it?
22:46There is another way in which you can understand the whole thing, if it is not already clear.
23:10There is some kind of demon that rides on your back and keeps sucking your blood.
23:29And what do you want to do?
23:30You want to run away.
23:32You want to run away.
23:35And you run away fast, very fast.
23:39The deeper it sinks its teeth into your neck, the faster you are compelled to run.
23:51But how does it matter how fast you run?
23:54You are carrying the monster on your back.
23:58The monster is not merely relishing the blood, it is also enjoying a free ride.
24:09It's almost like being served hot meals on an airplane.
24:15Meals on wheels.
24:18Meals on wings.
24:19The who am I method is about not running or acting so energetically under the influence
24:38of the monster, rather simply pausing.
24:46You pause.
24:50And then you ask the monster, where are you coming from?
24:59Who are you?
25:02And if you are asking this question, then you have to face the monster.
25:07To face the monster, you will have to rip the monster away from your back and bring
25:16it in front of yourself.
25:21And then you find that the monster is actually just a feeble thing weighing 12 kilograms.
25:32It has no power really.
25:37It was able to infest you and torture you just because you were supporting it by carrying
25:45it on its back.
25:47The moment you want to ask it, who are you?
25:51There is a disassociation.
25:55Who are you?
25:56So we have to face each other.
25:58And if you have to face each other, then the two of us cannot be one.
26:03I'm asking you, who are you?
26:08In asking yourself, who am I?
26:12You separate yourself from that which you are not.
26:18In asking yourself, who am I right now?
26:22You dissociate yourself from that which you are not.
26:28Are you getting it?
26:34So this monster which is monster only in name, but actually something terribly lame is now
26:42in front of you, not really in contact with you.
26:45There is a bit of detachment.
26:47There is a bit of dissociation.
26:48So it cannot now take you for a ride.
26:53You are liberated.
26:58Now you stand as the pure I, free of the monster.
27:06When the query started, you were the impure I, the ego associated with the monster.
27:19You are I plus monster.
27:21But now you want to know, who am I?
27:23So you have to ask the monster, sir, who are you?
27:26Till now, you were so much attached to me, physically united with me, that the two of
27:35us were really one.
27:38But now I want to snap this association.
27:43Who are you?
27:44Come in front and talk.
27:48The association is snapped.
27:49Now the monster is monster.
27:50And who are you now?
27:52The pure I.
27:54That's the who am I thing.
27:56Who am I right now, honestly?
28:01And obviously, the only real method is honesty.
28:09Be it who am I, or be it any method, it would fail if you are not honest in pursuing this
28:17austere dialogue, austere inner dialogue.
28:33Getting it?
28:38I'm troubled.
28:39Aha.
28:40What to do now?
28:45Who is troubled and where are his troubles coming from?
28:52What is the center of all these troubles?
28:54Who has a stake in remaining troubled?
29:04So now you see that who am I is a method for the wise one who is no longer interested in
29:14remaining troubled.
29:16That often goes unsaid, but needs to be said.
29:21Why will you ever ask who am I?
29:26If you are not really interested in getting rid of what you have become.
29:43A fellow received a parcel from one of the e-commerce sites.
30:00It was to be delivered to somebody else.
30:07It carried the name of somebody else.
30:10But the delivery man erroneously delivered it to this fellow.
30:23And he was happy.
30:24He said, fine.
30:27It contained a mobile phone, let's say.
30:35And he comes and tells me, you know, this is what I got.
30:39It just got delivered to me.
30:42And I asked him, to whom does it belong?
30:49And he says, why would I be interested in knowing?
30:56Why would I be interested in knowing?
30:59That is the reason why we do not enter self-inquiry.
31:08Self-inquiry is an uncomfortable question.
31:12Why would you really want to know when not knowing is giving you pleasures?
31:22Why would you want to know when not knowing is so very pleasuresome?
31:34Hence the one who is asking who am I, must be the one who is already a bit frustrated
31:40with himself.
31:44Already someone who is desirous of liberation, otherwise asking who am I, is an exercise
31:58in wild dishonesty.
32:05These days it is almost a fad.
32:08If you are spiritual, then you have to ask who am I.
32:21Someone could have felt amused by this who am I circus, had it not been for the appalling
32:36inner conditions of the ones who are amusing themselves with this self-deception.
32:59Who am I has to arise when you no longer like the I?
33:08Who am I has to arise when the I is already being seen as troublesome?
33:25You have to be someone who is prepared to receive uncomfortable answers.
33:35More so you have to be someone who is prepared to let go of the questioner and the answerer.
33:53Only then this query can proceed.
33:58Are you getting it?
34:16Do you see how intimately it is linked to the Kshetra Kshetra Vibhag Yoga of the Bhagavad
34:22Gita?
34:23And Ramana Maharshi used to talk of these three in the same breath.
34:45I am not, who am I and so am I.
34:48Naham, Koham, Soham.
34:56You cannot have just one of these.
35:00You need all three, at least two of them.
35:03Which two?
35:07Naham and then Koham.
35:12You have to be someone who is first of all prepared to say this I am not.
35:18And only then you get the eligibility to ask if this I am not, then who am I?
35:32If you are someone who is first of all not ready to question his existing identities
35:39because they are a source of pleasure to him, then you have no right to indulge in
35:45the who am I business.
35:48Who am I has to be preceded by Naham.
35:55This I am not, this I am not, this I am not.
36:01You need to have that sincerity and that discretion.
36:25Without Naham, if you proceed with Koham, you will find that you cannot proceed at all.
36:37The entire journey of answering who am I is a journey in negativa.
36:45You ask who am I and some illusion gets negated, cleared off.
36:52And then you again ask who am I, then again some haze gets cleared off.
36:58That is what we call as the raising or elevation of consciousness.
37:04If you are someone who is not prepared to get rid of his concepts about himself, then
37:12there is no point just repeating who am I, who am I.