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Video Information: 16.05.2022, IIT-Ropar, Greater Noida, U.P.
Context:
~ How has being overly concerned with others' opinions impacted your decision-making in personal and professional aspects of your life?
~ Have you noticed any specific situations where the fear of judgment from others has held you back from expressing your true thoughts or pursuing your goals?
~ In what ways do you currently cope with the pressure of caring too much about what others think, and do you feel these coping mechanisms are effective?
~ Can you identify any patterns or triggers that intensify your concern with others' opinions, and how do you navigate these situations?
~ How do you envision your life changing if you were able to strike a healthier balance between considering others' opinions and staying true to yourself?
Music Credits: Milind Date
~~~~~
Be a part of the Live Sessions: https://acharyaprashant.org/hi/enquir...
Want to read Acharya Prashant's Books?
Get Free Delivery: https://acharyaprashant.org/en/books?...
~~~~~
Video Information: 16.05.2022, IIT-Ropar, Greater Noida, U.P.
Context:
~ How has being overly concerned with others' opinions impacted your decision-making in personal and professional aspects of your life?
~ Have you noticed any specific situations where the fear of judgment from others has held you back from expressing your true thoughts or pursuing your goals?
~ In what ways do you currently cope with the pressure of caring too much about what others think, and do you feel these coping mechanisms are effective?
~ Can you identify any patterns or triggers that intensify your concern with others' opinions, and how do you navigate these situations?
~ How do you envision your life changing if you were able to strike a healthier balance between considering others' opinions and staying true to yourself?
Music Credits: Milind Date
~~~~~
Category
📚
LearningTranscript
00:00Hello. Good evening, sir. Thanks a lot for giving me a chance to ask the questions. It is a pleasure to be here.
00:11My name is Shivam. I am a master's student at IIT Roorkee in the physics department.
00:18The question is, in our day to day life, we do lots of things for our overall development.
00:25And being a social animal, it becomes natural to validate ourselves by peers, by my neighbor ones.
00:38But in that situation, I won't be able to be myself 100%.
00:45Whatever I'm going to do, it should be by my own 100%.
00:51But at the same time, social validation becomes necessary. So what should I do?
00:56Although I know that whatever I'm doing is okay, but still, I need social validation.
01:06So should I go for social validation? Without taking care of, I won't be able to be myself 100%.
01:14When you say social validation, exactly whose validation?
01:18Like any, I can take any example, like I'm going to do anything.
01:26I mean, people would react to my task, to my work.
01:33I said, whose validation? Which people?
01:36My peers who know me better. They may be my family, they may be my friends, they may be...
01:43How valuable are your peers? What kind of respect do they deserve?
01:49Depends.
01:53Please, be honest.
01:57It depends on the person.
02:00No, I'm talking of the person. Keep aside dependencies.
02:05I'm talking of the person whose validation you seek.
02:08How high is that person? How valuable, how worthy is that person?
02:13Compared to yourself, let's say.
02:22If that person is your peer, chances are he or she is almost like you when it comes to the level of consciousness, right?
02:35So, what's the point in seeking validation now?
02:40Whose validation are you seeking?
02:44Maybe he is a person who is senior enough than me.
02:49Are you getting what I'm trying to point at?
02:53When you ask someone to validate your position or your worth,
03:00that person first of all must have some position and some worth, right?
03:05Otherwise, he is in no position to validate.
03:11I want to learn tennis.
03:15And I play my backhand a certain way.
03:20And I find it's frequently crashing into the net.
03:25Will I just go to the nearest grocery shop and ask the person at the counter to correct or validate my backhand?
03:34Imagine me standing at the grocers and displaying my black hand to that person.
03:40And that person has a cauliflower in one hand and tomato ketchup in the other.
03:46And I'm displaying my backhand and asking him to validate it.
03:51Who is he to validate?
03:53Validation is not a problem.
03:56But if you want to get it validated, go to a proper coach.
04:00Where is the coach?
04:03There is no coach.
04:05The grocer and the cobbler and the auto wala and the plumber.
04:12These are teaching you topspin.
04:17That too backhand topspin.
04:19And now you are very worried.
04:22Because they are saying, you know, why are you having a one-handed backhand?
04:29You must have a four-handed backhand.
04:31Where are the other four hands?
04:33They will magically reveal something to you.
04:37Who knows?
04:38And you are very worried now.
04:41Because you are not getting the validation because the other two hands, you are not able to produce them.
04:48If you want to ask, ask someone who knows.
04:54Is that not obvious?
04:56You are in the second year or fourth year or tenth year, whichever year.
05:04And you pick up your peer.
05:06Who is just as confused as you are.
05:10And now he is passing judgments.
05:12And you are taking those judgments so seriously.
05:14What's the point?
05:16Now, then the central problem is not that you seek validation.
05:23The central problem is that you don't have high company.
05:26Get in the company of those who matter.
05:33And if you cannot get them in flesh and blood, get them in books.
05:39Ask yourself, will a Vivekananda validate what I am just thinking or what I just said or did?
05:50Seek validation from there.
05:53Ultimately, you have to come to a point where your internal light is so strong that you are in no need of validation.
06:03But that will take time.
06:05That kind of total freedom takes time.
06:08What do you do before that?
06:11Before that, the thing you have to do is stop listening to fools.
06:21And get in the company of some worthy people, living or dead.
06:27Validation, seeking validation is in itself not a problem.
06:36Because sometimes others do know better.
06:40But not all others know better than we do.
06:46Be discreet.
06:50And at the same time, I am not saying that all your friends are idiots.
06:56But please be discreet.
06:59Maybe a couple of them can be useful when it comes to giving feedback.
07:05Listen to them respectfully.
07:08But any Tom, Dick and Harry comes and looks into your eyes and says, oh, you are nobody.
07:16And you start feeling down and inferior.
07:18Makes no sense, does it?
07:21But that's the thing about validation.
07:25You are in a party and people, the people start laughing at you.
07:31You don't even bother to see exactly who is laughing.
07:35That chorus, that collective laughter is enough to quell your spirit.
07:47Something big, something collective, something massive is coming at you.
07:51And you lose all your discretion.
07:54You just surrender.
07:59Equally, 10 people start complimenting you, praising you.
08:05And you again lose all discretion.
08:07You forget to check who these 10 people are.
08:10You just returned from a maths exam and 10 donkeys are praising you for solving that tricky problem in integral calculus brilliantly.
08:26And you are already dreaming of 100% marks.
08:29How does that sound?
08:32I think I'll get 100%.
08:35Why?
08:37Because 10 donkeys praised me abundantly.
08:44Now if you want to know how well you have done in your maths paper, go to a maths teacher.
08:49And if you want to know how well you are doing in life, go to a life teacher.
08:56Obvious.
09:00Opinions do matter.
09:07But not everybody's opinion matters.
09:18Learn to listen and learn to not to listen.
09:22And most of the time, the people who, like I was saying about validation, lots of time, they are there at the moment.
09:39As I said, go to the teacher or go to that particular thing which is suitable to validate you.
09:51But most of the time, we are in a situation where lots of these donkeys are there.
10:00Usually these donkeys are there.
10:05Majority will be there like who are validating wrongly.
10:12Do you always have to be with 2000 people?
10:17Choose your company wisely.
10:21Why do you have to be with a crowd?
10:26Be with one person or five persons.
10:28Be selective.
10:31But you don't want to give up the company of fools.
10:34Because it's pleasurable.
10:40If you will live with fools, you'll have to listen to fools.
10:45You can't have just one part.
10:49If you want to have the pleasure of living with fools, you'll have to bear the suffering of listening to fools.
11:00You say, I don't want to listen to fools, but I want to live with them.
11:05You can't live with them and yet not listen to them.
11:08Not possible.
11:19I'll be called an introvert.
11:23Not possible.
11:49This is too much to bear.
11:52You wanted a simple solution to a local problem.
12:00And I'm giving you a big solution.
12:02That will affect all your life.
12:09You don't want life itself to be elevated.
12:13You just don't want to be negatively affected by others' opinions.
12:17That's a small objective you have.
12:19That small objective is alright.
12:23But even that small thing won't be achieved unless something bigger is changed.
12:29And the bigger problem is
12:31that there is the self, the little ego within you
12:36that is finding comfort in lazy and wrong company.
12:42That ego has to be challenged.
12:45In fact, it is not even the people around you
12:49that need to be changed.
12:51The first thing that needs to change is your internal ego.
12:56Because the people didn't come on their own.
13:00Those people were brought to you by your ego.
13:06So you'll have to change.
13:11Keep the right company.
13:12Have ego that is always thirsty for an uprise, for an ascent.
13:25Be someone who is always looking for greatness,
13:28always looking to learn and be better.
13:34And then, accordingly, you will choose your company.
13:38Have a deep, mad love towards greatness.
13:44And then you won't be able to afford imbeciles.
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