“Spare the rod and spoil the child” — timeless wisdom? Or just an outdated idiom? We find out what Singaporeans have to say about physical discipline.
Watch more: https://www.asiaone.com/video
Watch more: https://www.asiaone.com/video
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00:00When I was a child, I would run away from my parents
00:02because they would take a cane, chase me to the toilet and whack me.
00:07We were terrified of whatever would come.
00:08Sometimes children being children, their mental capacity to understand is limited.
00:13So unfortunately, sometimes physical punishment may be necessary.
00:17Everyone has heard of the phrase, spare the rod and spoil the child,
00:21with some people proclaiming, I got hit and I turned out fine.
00:24Some parents state that this fear of physical punishment makes children respect authority,
00:28helping to deter negative behaviours.
00:31However, according to a study conducted by
00:33Singapore Children's Society and Yale-NUS College in 2021,
00:3770% of parents and 67% of young adults who participated in the study
00:42viewed physical discipline as never effective or most of the time, not effective.
00:47We wanted to find out what Singaporeans think about physical discipline of children.
00:52Asia One recently did a survey which received 1,152 valid responses,
00:5890% of our respondents were physically disciplined by their parents when they were young,
01:02with the most common reason being that they did not heed repeated warnings to stop doing something.
01:0883% of respondents thought that parents physically disciplining children is at least
01:12sometimes acceptable, with those who had been physically disciplined themselves when they were
01:17young being more likely to be of this view. Among those who felt that it is not acceptable
01:22for parents to physically discipline their children, rewarding good behaviour and
01:26withdrawing privileges were the most common methods of disciplining found to be acceptable
01:30among this group. We also found that across generations, the reasons for physical discipline
01:35of children seemed to have shifted. Among respondents with children, 66% of respondents
01:42had physically disciplined their child or children. When we compare the reasons why
01:46respondents physically disciplined their children and the reasons why they were physically disciplined
01:50themselves when they were young, not heeding repeated warnings to stop doing something
01:55remain the most common reason. However, some reasons such as not meeting expectations for
02:00exams or competitions were notably less likely to be reasons for physically disciplining children
02:05today. In contrast, other reasons such as the children behaving in ways that endangered themselves
02:11or others, or repeatedly being rude towards others, were more likely to be reasons why respondents
02:16met out physical discipline on their children today compared to the older generation of respondents.
02:22To expand on these findings, we headed out to find out if Singaporeans felt that physical
02:26punishment on children is still acceptable today.
02:46I think it's acceptable. You just need to know the realms and the boundaries of what you consider
02:51punishment because if you are punishing the child, you shouldn't be angry.
03:21I just talk to my children and when it comes to punishment, their father does that. He is the bad guy, I'm the good guy.
03:29I find that there is a limit. When I was being disciplined last time, my dad used to
03:35cane my head to make me feel the pain so that I wouldn't repeat the same mistake again. As long as
03:40you don't go beyond the lines of the rest of the body and just the hands, I think it's fine.
03:46I'm actually a parent to two very young boys, so that question did cross my mind.
03:53When would it be permissible to use actual force on them? My wife and I discussed this.
03:59In general, it's no. But if they do commit something that is very atrocious or very bad, then we
04:08think that it's acceptable within certain limits. But of course, if they are really young, then
04:13across the board, it's no. Very seldom when they were young, but there was one occasion when I did
04:20it one time and my daughter was totally taken aback because never done it before. So that one
04:28time stuck with her for a long time. As I do remember, more on the boys, just probably the
04:34slapping. But on my daughter, no. Only when I had to, because of the difficulty of getting across
04:42a message, sometimes the children don't respond the way you want them to respond. No, no. I'm not
04:48the type, you know. When I was a child, we didn't have a choice. We were terrified of whatever
04:53would come. Myself, fear was of caning. It would be caning. Because I remember when I was a child,
05:01I would run away from my parents because they would take a cane, chase me to the toilet and
05:06whack me. Yes. If they listen, then you don't have to give a harsh punishment to them. As long as
05:13they understand and listen and do not commit the same offence again and improve in their action,
05:21that should be all right. Spare the rod, spoil the child. I go back to that. That's how we were
05:26brought up. There's nothing about old school or now. I think if you just were to talk and talk
05:34and talk, it doesn't get in the head. I think first of all, reason. Yes, yeah. We're trying to
05:39reason with them is most important because I think without reasoning and giving the punishment,
05:44you will get a negative response. I think there's a case for both and also depends on the circumstances.
05:51If the child is reasonable and in a good frame of mind to accept reasoning, fine. But sometimes,
05:57children being children, their mental capacity to understand is limited. So unfortunately,
06:03sometimes physical punishment may be necessary. Of the people we interviewed, around half of them
06:08felt that it is not acceptable for parents to use physical punishment on children. The rest said that
06:13it largely depends on the scenario and that the level of physical punishment has to be within
06:17reason. Respondents that do administer physical punishment on their own children use it as a means
06:23to set boundaries. The majority of respondents felt that children should be guided by reason
06:28more than punishment if they have the mental capacity to be reasoned with. Some respondents
06:33also added on, saying that physical punishment should only be reserved as a last resort
06:37when repeated reasoning does not work. So, what do you think?
06:58you