Surviving a toxic relationship | In My Mind - video Dailymotion

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In My Mind brings viewers into the headspace of people facing struggles related to their mental health.     In this episode, we look at Hazel’s journey in finding herself again after getting out of a toxic relationship.   Circles of Resilience by Resilience Collective is a safe space where peers, or persons with lived experience of mental health conditions, come together to help each other thrive and lead authentic lives.    MindSG is an online portal supported by HPB and the Government which provides nationwide mental health resources, with content curated by doctors and psychologists.   You can visit https://www.healthhub.sg/programmes/mindsg/discover for more information.   #mentalhealth #mentalawareness #inmymind   Watch more: https://www.asiaone.com/video

Transcript

00:00By gaining clarity on my past experiences, I've slowly detangled deep-rooted knots in

00:05my life.

00:06I'm starting to recognize myself, and I'm rebuilding my self-worth.

00:11It all started 11 years ago when I met my ex-boyfriend through work.

00:16I instantly fell head over heels for him.

00:19He said that he only had me in his life.

00:22He became my center of attention.

00:25So I prioritized his needs over mine.

00:28On some days, I would even skip school just to accompany him to his school.

00:33I only cared about his feelings, not mine.

00:36Because of that, I felt like I lost myself.

00:39I could not remember when or how, but after a while, he became hot and cold about everything.

00:45On some days, I would get scolded for not bringing tissue out, while on other days,

00:50he would cook breakfast for me.

00:52It was unpredictable and nerve-wracking.

00:54I was walking on eggshells, and I could not make sense of what was going on.

00:58I was anxious, and avoided using words that could potentially trigger him, fearful of

01:03how he might react.

01:05I had to look out for his body language.

01:07I had to read the tone of his text messages.

01:10It was truly suffocating.

01:12No matter how careful I was, I would still end up triggering him.

01:16I questioned myself, where did I go wrong?

01:19I was going delirious, and I thought that I was imagining things.

01:23Sometimes, he would vent his anger on me.

01:25I was left petrified and helpless, but I consoled myself, saying, you know, it was good once.

01:32Slowly, he started spending more time with his friends, and I didn't feel important

01:37to him anymore.

01:38He suddenly told me that I was too clingy, I was too much for him.

01:43I felt used, thrown aside, like trash.

01:46An array of emotions ran through my mind, frustrated, resentful, and hurt.

01:51I knew I could not take the torture anymore.

01:53We broke up, and I fell into a deep abyss.

01:57I hated myself for not leaving earlier, when there were so many things about the relationship

02:02that were not right for me.

02:04Alcohol became my numbing tool, where I frequently drowned my feelings of abandonment.

02:08I wanted to escape the reality that I was no longer with him.

02:12I withdrew from the world because I did not want to be seen as weak in front of others.

02:17Years later, it still hurt because I did not speak to anyone about it.

02:21I constantly questioned the purpose of living, feeling as though I was navigating through

02:25a dense forest of uncertainty.

02:28I knew there was something in me that I had to address.

02:31I took the first step by attending a personality modality workshop.

02:34And there, I found the missing piece of the puzzle.

02:37I learned that the narrative in our heads shapes our actions.

02:42Through these workshop experiences, I dug deeper within, and realized that I did not

02:47truly love him.

02:49Rather, it was our complicated past that allowed us to bond over shared pain.

02:54And the devastation I felt after breaking up was because I did not have anyone to carry

02:58the pain with me anymore.

03:00This revelation felt like a beacon of light, piercing through the darkness, guiding me

03:04out of the shadows.

03:07The dark skies of my life cleared up.

03:09Subsequently, I joined peer support groups, where I developed further self-awareness that

03:13helped me regulate my emotions.

03:16They provided support and created a safe environment by respecting our boundaries and

03:20giving us autonomy.

03:22As a Circles of Resilience member, I am now on a journey to rediscover myself and cultivate

03:27my self-worth.

03:46www.circlesofresilience.com

Surviving a toxic relationship | In My Mind

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