A 12-year-old boy finds that he can call up his ancestors for help whenever he needs to do so or when he is in trouble.
S2 E3 "Hassles with Castles". With Michael Jayston, Anthony Lewis, Samia Longchambon, Alex Carter, Jacqueline Naylor, Mark Hearne.
S2 E3 "Hassles with Castles". With Michael Jayston, Anthony Lewis, Samia Longchambon, Alex Carter, Jacqueline Naylor, Mark Hearne.
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00🎵
00:31🎵
00:39I spy with my little eye something beginning with...
00:43T-W-P-T-G-A-T-T-O-T-H
00:47Do you give in?
00:50That wooden pole that goes across the top of the tent horizontally.
00:54But we've already had that one.
00:57We could play indoor athletics.
01:00I think I'll see if it's raining yet.
01:02What for?
01:03I like rain. I mean, there's no point in camping if you don't.
01:17Oh, no!
01:18What?
01:19It's the grown-ups!
01:21GERMAN NATIONAL ANTHEM PLAYS
01:37Come on!
01:49Now!
01:51Yeah!
01:54My hat!
01:59I win!
02:08Come on!
02:10GERMAN NATIONAL ANTHEM PLAYS
02:12GERMAN NATIONAL ANTHEM PLAYS
02:20What?
02:42GERMAN NATIONAL ANTHEM PLAYS
03:01Well, what's it say?
03:02Norman Reenactment Society.
03:04Yeah!
03:13Same time tomorrow, then?
03:15I'll see what I can do.
03:24What, you're lost?
03:26Hank.
03:27Who?
03:28Hank.
03:29Oh, what, Hank is in your tortoise?
03:30He's gone workabouts again.
03:33Hank!
03:34I'd give you an hand, but I really need to think.
03:37Have you been attacked by the Normans again?
03:40I've told you, you should tell them.
03:42An Englishman's tent is his castle.
03:44Hank!
03:46Hank!
04:10Shh!
04:12Shh!
04:24Shh!
04:33Shh!
04:42Just wait till tomorrow.
05:06No, no, no, no, no. Ah, here we are. Nick the Mason, castle builder, an Anglo-Saxon
05:33architect who, in his later years, was forced into early retirement. His castles, he claimed,
05:39were magnificent structures that stood the test of time. Unfortunately, none did.
05:46I felt it right. Yep, H-A-N-K. Oh. Adam. Nick? The Mason. Castles to the gentry. So, what do you want, dear boy?
06:12You have been normand. Normans. What on earth is a reenactment society? Well, it's a bunch
06:37of grown-ups who, like, dress up and act out battles when they're not at work. They're
06:42nothing but trouble. I mean, with it being the holidays, me and my mates are out camping.
06:47So every day we put up the tent, and every day they come and flatten it. There's no talking
06:53to them. What is a norman? So, these aren't real normans? Oh, no. I think they're librarians.
07:02Well, thank the moon and stars for that. For if these were real normans, we'd be in real trouble.
07:08How come? I am a castle builder. For 40 years or more, I built castles. Magnificent structures that
07:20dominated the skyline, the length and breadth of this fair land. For 40 years, my life's work
07:26stood firm, stood proud. And then came the normans. Over the seas they came. Thousands of them.
07:37They came, they saw, and they conquered. You call that a castle? They said. We don't like your
07:54castles. Why not? They are not big enough. Well, size isn't everything. It was no use. They wouldn't
08:12listen. We destroyed every last one. And that, my dear boy, is a norman. They are black-hearted
08:26murderous swine, who will stop at nothing in their evil pursuit of money, power and conquest.
08:32So what you're suggesting is that we put up the subs by Tup and Sequater? You're going to make
08:44yourself very unpopular coming up with suggestions like that, Wilf. But I see your point, and I think
08:53it's a good one. Veronica, can you stop knitting for a second? It's very distracting. Now then,
09:03matters arising. I'd just like to say well done to everyone who took part in yesterday's attack. If
09:13that group of boys think they can pitch their tent on our sacred battle site, they've got another
09:18thing coming. We've been running up and down that hill every public holiday since 1971, and by golly
09:27gumshoes, we intend to go on doing so as long as there's Norman blood coursing through our veins.
09:34And why's that? Because we are Normans. We are Normans. We are Normans. We are Normans.
09:50Where's Adam? He said he'd think of something. I've just thought of something. I bet we all get
10:00flattened again. Oh, they'll get flattened! Well, of course they will, and it'll serve them jolly well right. Look where you've chosen to build. You could not have picked a worse site. Can we not? No, of course not. You see, you're in a valley. Which means? You're in the most vulnerable position imaginable. You can't see your enemy, but they can see you.
10:29Looks a flimsy structure at best, and I should imagine if you so much as rolled a brace of turnips down there, they'd flatten it good and proper. Come on, let's move it then. No, no, no, no, no, no. No? No, yes. First we must gauge the strength of our enemy, assess their tactics, pinpoint their weaknesses, and hide.
10:59I hear, with my little ear, something beginning with N. That doesn't begin with N.
11:16Watch out! I'm getting right sick of this. Where've you been? Sorry, lads. I brought help. Where? Behind the old bloke?
11:46No, it is the old bloke. Who's he? It's my Uncle Nick. What, the old bloke? Oh, dear.
12:09He is old, isn't he? Adam says he's nine hundred and ninety-one.
12:13Shh! Listen carefully. If you wish to end these attacks, then consider the enemy. Let that be our starting point. Consider the enemy. There are five of them, five, and there are five of you.
12:30Seven if we count you.
12:33Ow! You are equal in number, but they are bigger than you are.
12:38Oh, are they? Didn't realise that. You see, we normally stay in the tent.
12:43Or sit with our heads in our hands.
12:44Or panic.
12:45Then calm yourself and arm yourself with the knowledge we have. Now, their tactics are these. We know they always attack from here in the north, and herein lies their weakness. They are predictable. So we move our position from here to a much stronger one there, and defend here in the south.
13:06What about the tent?
13:08Tent? No, I don't think so. Today we were defeated, but now we build for tomorrow.
13:38Hi!
13:54Well, hello.
14:38Tio! Tio! Tio!
14:56Now, let's see them conquer that.
15:26Hooray!
15:40Another Norman conquest. What do we say?
15:44Hooray!
15:46My word.
15:52A tactical withdrawal is called for at this point, I think.
15:58Hooray!
16:00Hooray!
16:02Well, that's shown them.
16:04That is assured. Although the battle may be won, I fear the war is not yet over.
16:10We should be safe enough here. Well, that's that then, isn't it? I mean, a tent's one thing, a castle's another.
16:28Len, I can't see the point of me being up all night knitting chain mail if it's not going to get used. I mean, if there's no battle, there'll be no snagging. And if there's no snagging, there'll be no knitting. And if there's no knitting, I'll be out of a job and they'll send me back to that place.
16:50What? Bournemouth?
16:54Yes.
16:56Veronica, we're talking about what amounts to an impenetrable castle.
17:04Well, can't we just run round it?
17:07Run round it?
17:10Run round it? We can't run round it.
17:16Well, look. Silly. For 26 years now, we've let nothing stand in our way. Run round it? It would be betraying everything we stand for. By golly gumshoes, I might as well spend me holidays enjoying myself like normal people.
17:39No. We reconvene August bank holiday. I am the leader, and what I say goes, and I say we leave it.
17:52Wilf? Wilf? Wilf?
18:00We smash it.
18:02Wilf?
18:05Wilf?
18:12I spy, my little eye, something beginning with T.
18:18T?
18:19T.
18:20Oh, thanks.
18:21Always like a nice cup of tea before a battle.
18:23What's it made out of?
18:25Boiled worms, grass and nettles.
18:30Now, you know what to do.
18:34So, you sure they'll...
18:36Oh, yes, they'll attack again. Don't you worry about that. Only this time, I think, with a new and perhaps stronger leader.
18:45I have snapped a tree in half. This is ignorant. I also have many muscles and some teeth missing. This makes me a brute.
19:00A too, Brutus.
19:03The time has come for brute force and ignorance.
19:08Right.
19:09Now, like true Normans, empty your minds. Pick up thy tree trunk and charge!
19:22Hank! Hank! Hank!
19:37Hank!
19:40Nick!
19:46Prepare for battle!
19:50I will!
19:54Steady. Steady. Steady. Now!
20:13Stand by catapult. Now!
20:29Stand by rope. Heave!
20:35Go, Adam!
20:43This was a mistake.
20:47What's going on here?
20:55Go, Mr. Ibbotson.
20:59Stand firm and hold the ground.
21:03Now, buckling, Mr. Ibbotson.
21:09A final surge, if you'd be so kind, Mr. Ibbotson.
21:24I shall.
21:28Nice line, Johns.
21:34Go on to France.
21:45You realize, of course, we're finished. Completely finished. It's the end of an era.
21:50Good afternoon, madam.
21:52Oh, hello.
21:53Useless.
21:54Why, you let a great balloon like him take the line!
22:02Well, congratulations, everyone. The Normans knocked down every single castle I ever built.
22:08But today, thanks to you, there's at least one that even they, albeit pretendy Normans, could not conquer.
22:15And you've no idea how happy that makes me. Thank you. Thank you all.
22:21Was it tractor?
22:23Eh?
22:24When he said I spy something beginning with T, was it tractor?
22:27Oh, no. Tortoise.
22:30Where?
22:32There.
22:33Where?
22:34There.
22:35Where?
22:36There.
22:42Hello. Jane? Mum? Oh, that's nice. What is it?
22:49That, my dear lady, is a structure so sound and so sturdy that not even a Norman invasion could raise it to the ground.
22:56Hank!
23:05Sorry, what was that you were saying?
23:09Don't you run off like that again, do you understand?
23:17Well, never mind. Have a stick of celery.
23:30Come on, Nick. If it hadn't been for your castle, we'd never have beaten the Normans.
23:34Yeah, you can't legislate for tortoises.
23:37Ow!
23:38You're very kind, boys, and I know you mean well, but perhaps there's a lesson for me here.
23:45The bigger they are, the harder they fall.
23:49All is vanity.
23:53Only peaceful coexistence offers long-term security.
23:59No.
24:00Well, what then?
24:01Don't build castles out of hay and old tyres.
24:06Do you think Hank is French?
24:10Will it by any chance be one of my herbal love potions you're after?
24:15Nobody fancies me.
24:21Jason, the lasses want to kiss us and the lads want to whip us. I don't know which scares me the most.
24:26They look very serious, Adam.
24:32Safety, haven't you, Adam?