I Can't Divorce You HD ( Comedy, Romance )
Category
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Short filmTranscript
00:00I'm sorry, sir. We're going to have to cancel your reservation.
00:03The car rental lot had flooded.
00:06I didn't have time for this.
00:08I was already running a little late and was trying to remember my answers to all the pre-interview questions I'd practiced.
00:13So I had them drop me off at the closest place.
00:17Excuse me.
00:18And then suddenly, I was standing in front of her.
00:22Thank you for choosing Savannah Car Rentals. How can I help?
00:27I can't remember which one of us smiled first.
00:31Hi.
00:32Hi.
00:34I just wanted to get a coffee.
00:37Okay.
00:42July 10th.
00:45I'm May 10th.
00:46What are the chances?
00:48Actually, the chances are 1 in 30, but that didn't matter.
00:52We both could feel something happening.
00:54Cool.
00:55And so, by the end of my first four hours in Savannah, I had a job.
01:00And more importantly, I had a date.
01:08A little less than a year later, we were married.
01:12It all happened because some guy working for Savannah Water forgot to regulate the pressure.
01:27Every time I think we should remodel.
01:29I speak up and say we have to go to Paris.
01:32Great. Then let's go to Paris.
01:33And then I wake up the next morning and say we have to remodel.
01:38We've been trying to decide if we want to put a new pool in the backyard or take that trip to Cabo.
01:44And I'm very glad that we decided that we're going to do the pool.
01:48Honey, I thought we decided on Cabo.
01:53Yes, right. No, we're going to Cabo.
01:56We are going to Cabo.
01:57Brain fart.
01:59That must be Katie and Chuck.
02:01Here are the wines. She's white, he's red.
02:05Hi.
02:09Katie, are you okay?
02:11Where's Chuck?
02:14I mean, that's why all these jobs are moving to Florida and Texas.
02:17There's no state income tax.
02:18You know, part of me has always kind of wanted to live in Texas.
02:20What about all those tornadoes? It's so dangerous.
02:23Not about Florida. You know, Florida's great. It's right next door.
02:26Well, they have a lot of hurricanes.
02:29And not to mention the humidity.
02:33We're supposed to go to Florida this summer.
02:37Is this who's getting married?
02:40We have the plane tickets already and the hotel and my...
02:45my...
02:48bridesmaid's dress.
02:50And he even said it was going to be like our second honeymoon.
02:55But then he screwed a girl he met online.
03:01Katie, would you like to light out?
03:04Guys, I'm fine.
03:17I'm going to be a divorce wedding planner.
03:22That's great.
03:24More Syrah, anyone?
03:26Yes.
03:27Yeah.
03:29I might have some Xanax.
03:31Oh, Steve and Sabrina just liked our photo.
03:34They just said, where's their invite?
03:36I've always liked them.
03:38Yeah, they're nice. We haven't seen them in a while.
03:40We should invite them to the next barbecue.
03:42Maybe we could have a cookout competition.
03:44I mean, he's always bragging about his brisket.
03:46It's not that good.
03:47No, it's too dry.
03:52No way.
03:53What?
03:57Chuck just changed his status to single.
04:00He did?
04:01Yeah.
04:03Well, that is disgusting. You should unfriend him.
04:07No, okay.
04:10I mean, it's up to you.
04:12Only do it if it's what you really want.
04:26We'll make you wish the sun would hide away.
04:35I won't feel out my rifle.
04:41I'll find your fingers on the window pane.
04:48I won't make you worry if things come dark.
04:54I'll leave you wondering whether you're to blame.
05:00I won't tear you down and call your name.
05:04I'll laugh at your pain.
05:07I won't sacrifice your hopes and dreams.
05:11I won't hate and shame.
05:13I won't beat you or blame you.
05:17I'll hang you out to dry.
05:22If he goes, I'll buy you the first three rounds.
05:26If he doesn't, though, you owe me.
05:28I can take that.
05:29Prove me right, Abe.
05:30No, no, no, prove me wrong.
05:31We got an extra ticket for the game tonight.
05:33He thinks if we offer it to you, you won't go.
05:35He thinks you will.
05:36It's the first three rounds on the winner.
05:38God, guys, I can't.
05:41There it is.
05:42I would love to, but I can't.
05:44Tonight, I've got plans.
05:45Susan, steak tips, game shows, wait in line.
05:48That was last night, actually.
05:49No, no, tonight's remodeling shows.
05:51Susan and I are redoing the new bathroom.
05:53She'd kill me if I missed it.
05:54Okay.
05:55But I'll go with you guys next time.
05:56You realize you tell us that every single week, right?
05:59Look, it's cool.
06:00Just tell us you'd rather go home and hang with your wife.
06:02We'll stop asking.
06:03No, it's just, if I start going out on guys' nights,
06:06then she'll start going out on girls' nights.
06:08And then, before you know it,
06:09I'm only going to see her on the weekends.
06:12And that's wrong because?
06:15Weekends are for projects.
06:17Projects?
06:18Yeah, mowing the lawn, painting the trim,
06:20building a new deck.
06:22Look, Susan and I made a commitment
06:24to make our commitment work, and you know what that takes.
06:27Masochistic guilt.
06:28No, it takes commitment.
06:30Look, when you guys find the right relationship,
06:33you love that commitment.
06:36No, man, you're right.
06:38You're right.
06:39I mean, we're just going to go to the game.
06:42Yeah.
06:43We're going to get hammered.
06:44We're going to probably embarrass ourselves
06:46in front of some co-eds.
06:47Oh.
06:48But you'd rather go home to your wife.
06:51That's amazing.
06:52Yeah.
06:53Seriously, man.
06:54You're kind of lucky.
06:56I tell myself that every day.
06:58Just to clean down these walls.
07:00Free it up from all this plastic plaster.
07:02That is a great idea for a backsplash.
07:04What do you think?
07:05I don't know.
07:06What do you think?
07:08Maybe.
07:10Yeah, maybe.
07:14I love you.
07:15I love you too.
07:17Well, we want to do the infinity pool.
07:21It looks amazing, but...
07:22Oh, grab your glasses.
07:24He's reasoning.
07:28Hi.
07:29Hello.
07:32I can't eat it.
07:34I thought you loved cheesecake.
07:38I do, but I made a deal with Debra.
07:41She stops using her passive-aggressive manipulation
07:44to make me go visit her mother,
07:46and I lose ten pounds.
07:49Oh.
07:50Well, commitment takes compromise.
07:53No.
07:54It takes ignorance.
07:57What's this?
07:58Some event the city's hosting.
08:00They were looking for a design for the new concert hall.
08:03Oh, cool.
08:04Are you going?
08:05Christ, I wish.
08:06But I've got Debra's third annual
08:08organic guacamole competition
08:10that she hosts every year with her sisters.
08:13Oh, that sounds fun.
08:14Yes, if you don't have a dick.
08:17You should go to that, though.
08:19Free food, free booze, and who knows?
08:22You might even get inspired to design something.
08:27Right.
08:31It's the wife.
08:33Time to compromise.
08:36Hey.
08:38Hey, I left some frosting off the list this morning,
08:41so can you pick some up?
08:43It's in aisle three next to the flour.
08:46Yeah, but frosting for what?
08:48I told Dan and Jan that we would bring a cake on Friday.
08:55Nate?
08:56Yeah, sorry.
08:57I, um...
08:58Do we really want to go to that?
09:01I mean, it's just to celebrate
09:02the first day of construction on the new pool.
09:04Oh, what else would we do?
09:06Well, I was thinking the city's hosting this event
09:10to find architects to design the new concert hall,
09:13and I don't know, I thought it'd sound like it could be fun.
09:17Susan?
09:18Yeah, yeah, no.
09:19I mean, we could go,
09:21but last time we went to one of those things,
09:23you were bored out of your mind,
09:25and you made me promise not to go.
09:28Besides, we already told Dan and Jan we would be there.
09:32Yeah, you know what?
09:34It was unbearable.
09:36Intolerable.
09:38But it's up to you.
09:40Only do it if it's what you really want.
09:48Hello?
09:51Hello?
09:59Susan?
10:02What's wrong?
10:04It just hit me, okay?
10:06This wave of emotion, this feeling, and...
10:10I don't know how to describe it, but...
10:13Every part of me realized that every part of me is just...
10:16Unhappy?
10:19Miserable.
10:24Miserable?
10:26Miserable?
10:28How's that even possible?
10:30I mean, one minute I'm on the phone,
10:32and we're debating, like, what to do Friday night,
10:34and then the next you tell me that you're miserable?
10:36I mean, how the fuck is that even possible?
10:38It just is, okay?
10:40No.
10:42No.
10:43Listen to me.
10:46Let's talk about this.
10:49What can we do?
10:51What can I do to fix this?
10:56I wish I knew.
11:06I really think I just needed to put this all in perspective.
11:11I mean, what marriage didn't have a little bump in the road?
11:15A hill to climb.
11:19I figure that when our friends heard about this Friday night,
11:22they'd cut the cake and toast to Nate's night out.
11:33Good morning.
11:34Nate!
11:35What the hell are you doing?
11:37I just thought we could talk. I brought us some coffee.
11:39Okay, but don't just barge in on me when I'm naked.
11:42What are you talking about? I've seen you naked a thousand times.
11:44I don't get what the big deal is.
11:46Look, we're having some issues,
11:49and I don't want to complicate things.
11:51I don't have any issues.
11:53You said you were unhappy. I'm not unhappy.
11:55I love our life.
11:57Our marriage. Getting to sleep in my own bed.
11:59I know, but...
12:03I feel different, okay?
12:05Different?
12:07Better.
12:09What do you mean, better?
12:11What do you think I mean?
12:13Do you want me to lie to you?
12:16Maybe.
12:19But the fourth wife, she was a real looker.
12:23We both got our money's worth on that one.
12:26So do you think you, uh, could ever get married again?
12:29Nah, no, no, no. I don't think so.
12:32I'm, uh, I'm so unlucky.
12:35If it were raining pussies, the one that would land on my head
12:37would have a dick already in it.
12:40All right, uh, moving on.
12:44Ed, how about you?
12:46Any, uh, movement with your action items this week?
12:50Yes, I finally got rid of that hyphen
12:54at the end of my name.
12:56So I'm no longer Ed Smith Myers.
12:59I'm just Ed Smith.
13:06Congratulations, Ed.
13:08You're making real progress. I'm proud of you.
13:11So, Nate, how about you?
13:14Would you like to share with the group?
13:19Um...
13:21Hi, um...
13:23I'm Nate.
13:25Um...
13:29I-I just came to check this out
13:31because, um, American Voice is finished for the season,
13:35so I had a little bit of extra time this week.
13:38I don't, I don't really know what I'm doing here.
14:05♪
14:36I know, I got really lucky.
14:38I was able to get an earlier flight.
14:40It means we can definitely make it to Peter and Penny's potluck.
14:44Yeah, yeah, I'll pick up the bottle of Syrah.
14:53You look like the expert.
14:55Are the waffles here any good?
14:57Are the waffles here any good?
14:59Uh, yeah, yeah, they're okay.
15:02Yeah, they're okay.
15:04A lot better.
15:06My wife actually makes really good waffles.
15:09Whole grain, soy milk, egg whites.
15:12And we only use grade A maple syrup.
15:14Medium amber in a little maple leaf bottle from Vermont.
15:18Susan has this way of pouring the maple syrup
15:21into every other square,
15:23so there's never too much but never too little.
15:25I mean, she would even take the butter out of the fridge
15:28an hour before we ate so it softens,
15:30and then when it hits the top of the waffle,
15:32it just melts in every direction.
15:42I bet you can't wait to get home.
15:48Knock, knock, knock.
15:51I place the Blue Ridge Mountain.
15:53The problem is, you gotta use it.
15:56Hey, Nate.
15:58How's it going?
16:00I feel like it's been a while.
16:02Yeah, it has, hasn't it?
16:04We cannot decide.
16:08Nate, what a surprise.
16:11Yeah, this is a surprise, isn't it?
16:14You're having a dinner party with all our friends
16:17as if nothing even happened.
16:19Are you okay?
16:21Yeah, I'm really good.
16:23Thanks for asking. I'm getting along just swell.
16:25Really glad that you're making good use of our time apart.
16:28The space that you wanted so bad is treating you well,
16:30and that, hey, it's just shits and giggles here.
16:33You're at my expense, isn't it?
16:35Let's just go upstairs and talk.
16:37Holy shit!
16:39Is that the new 65-inch 4K HD TV
16:41with crystal clear pixelation,
16:43the one that I wanted to get instead of redoing the bathroom?
16:45Okay.
16:47The rockin' ribs are ready to be tasted.
16:51Who wants some more?
16:53Pino.
16:55Oh, hey.
16:57How's it going? I'm, uh...
16:59I'm Nate. Good to meet you.
17:02What's your name?
17:04My name is Nate Brown.
17:07Nate Brown.
17:08It's on the mail that comes here.
17:10It's on the cable bill.
17:11Nate, can we please just talk about this?
17:13You know what? It's really not the fact that you're screwing my wife
17:16that bothers me, because honestly, that I could get over.
17:19But Susan, if you're gonna let this guy
17:21wear my kiss-the-cook apron,
17:23use my dripless basting brush, and cook my 44-inch cobble grill,
17:26then, then...
17:27I'm sorry, but you're nothing but a filthy whore.
17:33I'm just having a really hard time adjusting to everything right now.
17:36Hard how?
17:38Well, I...
17:40I just feel like my whole life has turned upside down.
17:43Right?
17:44And I don't know where to start.
17:47You know?
17:49I'm also dealing with some pretty big issues at the moment,
17:52like not being allowed back into my own house
17:54that I bought and paid for.
17:56But then there's also, like, the little things
17:58that bother me even more than being homeless.
18:00Like, I passed our Thai food place the other night.
18:03And we loved Thai food. It was our favorite.
18:06And every time we'd go, I would get the chicken skewers
18:08and she would get the garlic beef.
18:10And then we'd share.
18:11And it's like...
18:14What the fuck am I supposed to do now?
18:17I mean, I can't get both.
18:19Hey.
18:22It's just gonna take some time.
18:25How long have you been coming here?
18:2715 years.
18:37I would have gone to Paris.
18:38No.
18:40You should have remodeled.
18:43Me?
18:47Nate Brown.
18:49It's Katie.
18:52Katie Franco.
18:55Used to be Hamilton.
18:57Oh, Katie.
18:59Katie!
19:00Hi.
19:02What the hell happened to you?
19:04I'll take that as a compliment.
19:06And you look...
19:08like you always did.
19:11Really? Because half of me is divorcing the other half.
19:14Aw.
19:15You too?
19:16Mm-hmm.
19:20So, what are you up to now?
19:22Are you still helping the betrothed
19:24march to their emotional death?
19:25God, no.
19:27Really?
19:28That was your life. You lived for it.
19:30No.
19:31I had what could be
19:33innocently described as a complete fucking meltdown
19:36where I lost my cool on a customer
19:38to the point where they called off the engagement.
19:41Probably good you quit.
19:43Are you kidding?
19:44It was like the best day of my life.
19:46I suddenly felt empowered and inspired
19:49and it allowed me to shed the past
19:51and take hold of my own life.
19:56I thought from that moment on
19:59of my breakup as my wake-up.
20:02As the moment in my life when I said,
20:04I am my own person.
20:06I'm not just half of Katie and Chuck.
20:08I'm Katie Franco.
20:10And the fun of the single thing is starting over.
20:12Don't commiserate. Celebrate.
20:14What is there to celebrate?
20:16You.
20:17Your newfound freedom.
20:18Your independence.
20:19The new life you're about to embark on.
20:21Celebrate being single.
20:26My marriage was everything to me.
20:28Operative word, was.
20:30You gotta start living in the now.
20:32Fuck the past.
20:33Fuck the past?
20:34Seize your future.
20:36Carpe diem?
20:37Listen.
20:38You guys planned a wedding, right?
20:41That was just one big party.
20:42Why don't you throw another one?
20:45I don't know. I guess I could try.
20:47I just don't know if I could pull it off.
20:49Seems like a lot to celebrate just moi.
20:53Who else would you rather celebrate?
20:58Well, listen.
21:00Call me if you need me.
21:01I'm back to being an accountant.
21:03Taxes after a divorce can be a bit tricky.
21:34You know, it's just so out of character.
21:37Honestly surprised he came up with it himself.
21:40Really? You think?
21:42If that was my ex-husband, I would sabotage the party
21:47and make a complete ass out of him
21:49in front of all of his loser friends.
21:52Hypothetically speaking, you know.
21:57Jan loves her little hypotheticals.
21:59Throwing a party is hard.
22:01It's tough.
22:02It's not just buying a six-pack
22:05and serving some onion dip.
22:07It's a lot more, you know.
22:09I always planned who was coming
22:11and what we would serve
22:13and where they would sit, you know.
22:16I always made him feel like he was involved.
22:19Yeah, he always had those amazing
22:20syrupy sweet and spicy ribs.
22:22Seriously? It was seriously, not syrupy?
22:25Oh, misspoke.
22:27And if I hadn't added white pepper to the rub,
22:31it would have been bland.
22:33And if I didn't constantly baste the ribs,
22:36it would have burned.
22:38If I didn't serve Merlot,
22:40he would have served Chardonnay,
22:42so that would not have gone.
22:45Can't do that.
22:46After the term alimony,
22:49permanent alimony.
22:53Her pension contribution entitlement,
22:57her car insurance,
23:00her health care coverage,
23:03I see 17% of my salary.
23:07One-seven.
23:12No wonder I feel 83% like shit.
23:18The irony?
23:21Before our first date,
23:24I dreamed of fucking her.
23:30And now she's fucking me.
23:33Right up the ass.
23:38Okay.
23:41Anyone else have anything they'd like to add?
23:47I have something.
23:53I was actually trying to think about this divorce thing
23:56in a whole new way.
23:58So instead of feeling like shit about it,
24:00I decided, why not have a party?
24:04Um...
24:07I'm sorry, why not have a what?
24:09A divorce party.
24:12Nate?
24:14I think that might be misdirecting
24:19some of the pain that you were feeling.
24:21Yeah.
24:23Why would you want to do that?
24:25I mean, you can think about it any way you want.
24:28But you'd still be broadcasting your failure to the world.
24:32We come in here to share our lives with each other.
24:36But we keep it in this room.
24:38You want to share your misery with the world?
24:41Fine.
24:43But for me, I'd rather be safe in here
24:47than deal with what's going on out there.
24:53I need to understand how I,
24:57a guy that I think is pretty normal, non-offensive,
25:00only rarely loses his temper in public,
25:02only has one guest attending his party.
25:04What party?
25:06The divorce party.
25:08The one that you RSVP'd to?
25:11Oh, yeah, here it is.
25:14Well, first of all, I RSVP yes to every invite.
25:18It doesn't mean I'm going.
25:20It means that you think I'm going.
25:22So for the next week, if I see you at spin class,
25:24you don't think I'm lame for saying no.
25:26Then, about an hour before the party starts,
25:29I send you an email with something along the lines of,
25:32oh, my God, I'm so sorry I can't make it,
25:35but do a shot for me.
25:37Love you, Katie.
25:39So you weren't coming either?
25:41No, of course not.
25:43Okay.
25:45Listen, Nate, I don't know what to tell you.
25:47You decided to throw a party,
25:49and now you're realizing that without your marriage,
25:51no one feels obligated to show up just for you.
25:53Why not?
25:55Because you used to be half of something,
25:57and now you're all of nothing.
25:59Do you think that's kind of your fault?
26:01Oh, my fault?
26:03Yeah, I mean, you gave me the whole
26:05don't commiserate, celebrate speech.
26:07Nate, please, look at your invite.
26:09Chips and dip at the Savannah Inn Express isn't a party.
26:12It's pathetic.
26:15I got the double deluxe suite.
26:17Nate, if you want to have a successful divorce party,
26:19you've got to treat this as if...
26:21As if what?
26:23As if it was as important as your wedding.
26:25Okay, well, look, if I had 30 grand to spend,
26:27I'd throw something cool, but I don't have that kind of money.
26:30Are you telling me your new life is only worth
26:32a bag of tortilla chips and a jar of salsa?
26:34Because that's what I'm hearing.
26:36Okay, think about it.
26:38If you were getting married somehow,
26:40you and your over-eager bride would find the money
26:42to flaunt your new life together, right?
26:49Why don't you throw it for me?
26:51What?
26:53I mean, you love doing that. You lived for it.
26:55No.
26:57What I lived for was a feeling, you know?
27:02The rush of making a memory that could maybe
27:04carry someone through a lifetime.
27:06Like...
27:09I was creating a piece of art.
27:13And I was the artist.
27:18But that was the past.
27:20Your specialty was sending people off into the world
27:23with the memory of the best day of their lives.
27:26Help me have a new best day of my life.
27:29Make me a work of art.
27:32Please?
27:34Okay.
27:41Okay.
27:43If you can find the money to pay my full fee
27:45and allow me to plan something with the bells and whistles
27:48that keeps my former reputation intact,
27:51then I'll do it.
27:56Okay.
28:04Okay.
28:23Okay.
28:30Okay.
28:32Okay.
28:34Okay, buddy.
28:44Fuck you.
28:48Yeah. Come on, baby.
28:55Oh, Jesus Christ already!
28:58Nate!
29:00What the hell are you doing here?
29:02Oh, my God. I thought you'd be at work.
29:04There must be some reason, some urgent need
29:06that absolutely could not wait.
29:08Well, I need my tennis shoes.
29:10Your tennis shoes?
29:12Yeah. I looked in the closet on the shoe rack, and I...
29:14Yeah, dude. Uh, yeah.
29:16Right behind my, uh, ab roller.
29:18Yeah. Yeah.
29:22Ah, yeah. Little guy, huh?
29:24He's, uh...
29:27Size, uh, 8 1⁄2, right?
29:32Uh, not 9 1⁄2.
29:34Yeah.
29:38Uh, okay.
29:40There I was,
29:42standing in front of my soon-to-be ex
29:44and her buck-naked boyfriend.
29:46And it was clear...
29:48that the ring meant absolutely nothing to her.
29:50It was like she was void of that gush of emotion
29:52that she had when I proposed.
29:54I proposed.
29:56I spent weeks, months,
29:58even researching the stupid four Cs.
30:00Cut, color, clarity, and carrot.
30:04I organized a flash mob
30:06for the perfect proposal.
30:08I even hired dancers to present the ring.
30:12I mean, the fucking absurdity
30:14of this invented tradition
30:16where men have to bust their ass
30:18and spend three months' salary
30:20just to express their undying devotion?
30:25I mean, when the hell did that start?
30:27When men were stupid enough to fall for it.
30:30I don't know.
30:32Maybe I should just give it back.
30:34Well, the courts look at an engagement ring
30:36as a promise for marriage,
30:38and if the bride fulfills that promise,
30:40and your ex certainly did,
30:42it's supposedly hers, free and clear.
30:44You think I should return it?
30:46Hell no. It's a bullshit law.
30:48Hot that ring,
30:50and you get as much money for it as you can.
30:52Fuck her.
30:58This is the bridal bible.
31:00All my girls used to get one.
31:02It's the how-to for the I do.
31:04Even if we're celebrating
31:06the death of your marriage.
31:10Since you've been lost in the delusional
31:12fairytale of marriage,
31:14how about something truly romantic?
31:16Maybe even a mass party
31:18where we reveal the new Nate Brown.
31:20What do you think?
31:24I don't know.
31:30How about this?
31:32You've got a sweeping view of the water.
31:34What's not to love?
31:36And we could even do maybe like
31:38a little spiritual cleansing in the river.
31:44I don't know.
31:50I thought this could be the perfect
31:52place to be loud and proud
31:54about your new life.
31:56What do you think?
32:00Maybe.
32:04What about something exotic
32:06like Indian food?
32:08We don't like Indian.
32:10What do you mean we?
32:12I mean me.
32:16I was bitching.
32:18If I serve that, everyone's gonna think I'm a huge bitch.
32:20No, baby. It's um...
32:22It's uh...
32:24It's kish.
32:26It's cringeworthy.
32:28I don't want people to think that I have all of this pent-up emotions.
32:30It's a bitter pill
32:32that I'm forcing them to swallow.
32:34This looks like a Halloween cake.
32:36Besides, no one even likes white icing, do they?
32:38I mean...
32:40It's just a cake.
32:44I set the seating at a hundred.
32:46We can always adjust up if we need to.
32:48Or down for that matter.
32:50I don't understand why we're working on a seating chart
32:52when I don't have any guests yet.
32:54That's exactly my point.
32:56And it's valid, but I don't have anyone to invite.
33:00All of my so-called friends were just
33:02bodies that would come over two-by-two
33:04for bland wine and safe conversation.
33:06Trust me, I remember that.
33:08Your revolving list of couple-friend guests.
33:10Listen, it doesn't matter because I'm pretty sure
33:12those people are gonna go to Susan's party anyways.
33:16Of course she's having a party.
33:18She lives for those things.
33:20Exactly.
33:22So why don't you let her
33:24live her life while you go to find yours?
33:28Go find some people you actually want to be around.
33:32Thirty-nine trees. Thirty-nine.
33:34It's gotta have greenery.
33:40Hey, guys.
33:42Hey, man.
33:44What should we do this weekend?
33:46See if you wanted to down some brewskis
33:48or tease some tail or something.
33:50I'm sorry.
33:52Tease some tail?
33:54Yeah, you know, go out and just...
33:56Everything okay?
33:58Yeah, everything's fine.
34:00I'm fine.
34:02Well, better than fine.
34:04You don't have to lie.
34:06Lie about what?
34:08A guy's wife who's in my fantasy league
34:10who also takes yoga with Jen,
34:12and he's told us that Susan
34:14kicked you out.
34:16Why weren't we invited to those dinner parties?
34:18We're just...
34:20We're working through some issues.
34:22She's divorcing you.
34:24That is one of the issues.
34:26Look, those dinner parties were boring.
34:28I was bored. You guys would have been bored.
34:30All right, look.
34:32We see through your little charade here.
34:34Clearly everything is in hunky-dory and brown manner,
34:36and now that there's no Susan,
34:38I'd say you're a little...
34:40I'm not desperate.
34:44What do you think?
34:46We're going to that thing this weekend.
34:52All right, look.
34:54Here's the deal, dude.
34:56Not in this condition.
34:58What condition?
35:00You're like a caged man in the zoo of life.
35:02A sad little panda cub that's been protected
35:04behind bars, suckling milk from your mother's tits.
35:06And now you don't have a mommy anymore.
35:08Trust us. This is for your own safety.
35:10If we put you into the wild, you'd be killed.
35:12I can survive in the wild, okay?
35:14I can be a tiger.
35:16I can kill.
35:24Seth!
35:26Heidi, what's up?
35:28You're looking good.
35:30Hey.
35:32Yo.
35:34All right.
35:36All right.
35:38What?
35:40Just be cool, all right?
35:42Bingo.
36:00So good to be out, you know?
36:02On my own, solo, kicking it.
36:04Oh, thank you.
36:06Not having to worry about what time I get home tonight
36:08so I can make some stupid brunch plans in the morning.
36:10Do you know what that's like?
36:12I mean, dude, I spent so much time
36:14worrying about Susan this,
36:16Susan that,
36:18trying to keep her happy for her to turn around one day
36:20and tell me that she's unhappy.
36:22Like, what the fuck is up with that?
36:26Oh!
36:28Yeah, baby!
36:30It's okay. At least I'm not one of those guys
36:32that you can beat all the time, you know?
36:34All right, baby, your turn to drink.
36:36Let's go, okay? Chug! Chug!
36:38Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!
36:40Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!
36:42Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!
36:44Chug! Chug! Chug!
36:48I got you.
36:54Chad.
36:56Badass rat Chad.
36:58What's up, mother fucker?
37:07Hey, dude.
37:09All kidding aside, you're a really awesome guy, man.
37:13Yeah, yeah.
37:15Cool, man.
37:17I love you, buddy.
37:19Hey, we should hang out sometime.
37:22What do you put in your hair, too?
37:24How do you get it to...
37:26What do you mean, hang out?
37:29I don't mean that in a gay way.
37:31I'm not trying to pick you up or take you to a homo bar or something.
37:35Right, so if you were trying to pick me up, would that be a bad thing?
37:40No, that's what I'm saying.
37:43You're a really good-looking guy, but I'm not gay, you know?
37:49I feel bad for the gays, though.
37:52Adopting children and marriage equality and, like...
37:59Fuck marriage, man.
38:01It's bad enough being married to the opposite sex.
38:04Why the fuck would you want to be married to the same sex?
38:07You know what I mean?
38:12Sorry.
38:23Hey.
38:25Hey, guys, do you guys want a drink?
38:28Fuck no, I don't want a drink.
38:30Why would you hate on Chad?
38:32Yeah, but what were you thinking?
38:34What do you mean?
38:36Oh, dude, come on, we're cool.
38:38Hey, Chad!
38:40Chad, do you want a drink?
38:42Watch, watch.
38:44I got this.
38:46I don't know who the hell you think you are,
38:48but I speak for everyone here when I tell you
38:50that it's time for you to go home.
39:02I think you're in serious need of inspiration.
39:05I think you need a date.
39:07A date?
39:09Yes, not a girlfriend, not a wife,
39:11not someone to help you plan everything,
39:13just someone who might actually enjoy your company
39:15during your divorce party.
39:17A date.
39:22At least I'll have one person coming.
39:24Exactly, maybe a little momentum
39:26will help figure everything else out.
39:28Where do you want me to find somebody?
39:30I don't know if you know,
39:32but I'm not the best at socializing.
39:48...to a generation of technology...
39:56It's strange, really.
39:58I mean, if the flood hadn't delayed my flight,
40:01I wouldn't have been bored sitting there on my laptop
40:03looking at dating sites.
40:05I mean, what are the chances?
40:07Tell me more about yourself.
40:09Well, I've always wanted to go to Ireland.
40:12It just, it looks so pristine online.
40:14Which isn't to say that I feel the need
40:16to go jet-setting across the world all the time
40:18or anything like that.
40:20I have this really great couch at home.
40:22It's white, shabby chic,
40:25so comfortable for watching TV.
40:27But it's just too big.
40:29Too big?
40:31Yeah, I mean, whether it's on the couch
40:33or the beach or even on the moon,
40:35it's just not the same
40:37unless someone's there by your side
40:39watching remodeling shows with you.
40:41Do you like your job?
40:43It's a job. That's all it is, really.
40:45I know I shouldn't feel that way about my career,
40:47but I don't care.
40:50I told them I don't want to go into management
40:53because I need time to live,
40:55to nurture the relationships in my life,
40:57to find someone.
41:06I want to bury a party.
41:08Want to get some, uh, flowers
41:10and a tombstone for it also?
41:12I'm serious, Nick.
41:14I want to do this.
41:16I need to do this.
41:18I think it's gonna be really therapeutic, you know?
41:20It'll help me just get rid of the ring for good.
41:23One final symbolic gesture.
41:26Sense of it.
41:28Makes sense, right?
41:30Yeah, makes sense to you, makes sense to me.
41:32Great.
41:35Yeah.
41:42You've got to be kidding me.
41:44What are you doing?
41:48You're living the best day of my life.
41:50Nate, the whole idea
41:52is to make your divorce party your new best day.
41:54I don't want a new best day.
41:56I just want to lie here until they find my corpse
41:58fused to the comforter.
42:04What?
42:06What do you want?
42:08I hate to tell you,
42:10but your bride on Bible planning guide sucks.
42:13Finding a date was meant to help me get over Susan,
42:16but every girl felt like some kind of version of Susan,
42:18except they weren't Susan.
42:20Now I can't stop thinking about it.
42:22Susan? Jesus Christ!
42:24Enough with your whole misery routine.
42:26It's tiring.
42:28Then why was everyone so much like her?
42:30Because of this.
42:34How did you get that?
42:36I hacked into your account.
42:38How do you know my password?
42:40It's Susan and the year you were married.
42:42You said,
42:44willing to adjust your life goals for the right person.
42:46You prefer someone adverse
42:48to breaking up after a year
42:50and are interested in exploring
42:52the interests and hobbies of your next partner.
42:54So what?
42:56What's wrong with that?
42:58If someone really likes cycling,
43:00there's no problem with me taking time out of my day
43:02to go to Mexico, then sure, why not?
43:04Something to do.
43:06Do you even like cycling or cruising?
43:08That's not the point.
43:10It shows that I'm willing to meet them in the middle.
43:12Oh.
43:14Is that where you want to live your life?
43:16In the middle?
43:18It's called compromise.
43:20No, it's called sacrifice.
43:22Giving up who you are to be someone you're not.
43:24Sometimes that's what it takes.
43:26That's why Susan and I worked so well for all those years.
43:32How's it working for you now?
43:42Okay, throw it in.
43:44I don't want to.
43:46Do it.
43:48No.
43:50Nate?
43:58Listen, I know how this feels.
44:00No, you don't.
44:10I'm not as strong as you think I am.
44:16I thought you got rid of every picture of you and Chuck.
44:22Believe me, I know this is hard.
44:24I know it better than anyone else.
44:26Because you're not just letting go of the past,
44:28but you have to let go of the future, too.
44:32The future?
44:34The memories you've dreamed of
44:36that you'll never share.
44:38And the kids you won't know
44:40and the Christmases you won't celebrate.
44:42And growing old together.
44:46And you have to say goodbye to all of it.
44:50Even if you know it was probably your fault.
44:52You don't blame Chuck?
44:54You know when people say it's not you,
44:56it's me, and they're completely lying?
44:58Well, it actually was me.
45:00In trying to make our relationship perfect,
45:02I completely suffocated him.
45:16Come on, Nate, you can do this.
45:18Start over.
45:40And your wedding picture.
45:48And your honeymoon picture.
46:02And the picture you keep in your wallet
46:04behind your license, next to the spare key
46:06that opens the house that used to be yours.
46:08How did you...
46:10You're like an addict. I have to search everything.
46:12Okay, now light it.
46:42Okay.
47:12Okay.