Avoiding Parenting Pitfalls (4) - Loving Even When Your Child Rebels -- Derek Grier
Category
📚
ÉducationTranscription
00:00You see, God may be disciplining you, and some of the things happening in this season
00:05may have something to do with God's hand.
00:09But let me tell you how the devil operates.
00:11He's not fair.
00:13Now while God very well may be spanking you, but while God is spanking you, Satan's trying
00:19to clock you, Satan's trying to stab you, Satan's trying to cut you.
00:23While God is doing his thing, he's trying to add to it to wound you forever.
00:29Do you get what I'm saying?
00:32You may be wrong, but never let the devil take more than he should.
00:42Do not just surrender, saying, well God is mad at me, and this is my situation in life.
00:50God was dealing with David, but God still graced David to fight back.
00:56Keep watching.
01:07We're going to pick up where we stopped last week.
01:09We're going to be in 2 Samuel, starting with the 15th chapter in verse 6.
01:20So Absalom stole the hearts of the men of Israel.
01:28We read last week that David showed his son Absalom mercy and allowed him back into his
01:35presence.
01:38But the problem was by this point, Absalom had become so bitter, all he could see was
01:45it's his dad's fault, and all he could do was continue to nurse his offense.
01:55It is not being stabbed in the back that hurts the most, it's when you turn around and see
02:01who's holding the knife.
02:06That's what gets you.
02:09Verse 10, then Absalom, David's own son, sent spies throughout all the tribes of Israel
02:18saying, as soon as you hear the sound of the trumpet, then you shall say, Absalom reigns
02:28in Hebron.
02:29Now Hebron, or Hebron, however you want to say it, was the capital seat of Judah at that
02:35time.
02:38And by this time in Absalom's life, he kind of became an expert at leveraging people's
02:44disappointments and people's pain.
02:47He was kind of like a snake in waiting, and he knew it was his time to strike, to take
02:55the throne from his father.
02:59You know, all of us experience disappointments in life, whether it's in relationships, in
03:05school, in our health, in church, even a career.
03:11But again, by this time, Absalom had kind of become a ninja at using people's pain points
03:19against them for his purposes.
03:23And with Absalom went 200 men invited from Jerusalem, and they went along- watch this-
03:30innocently, and did not know anything, like sheep to the slaughter.
03:37You know, it's so easy to get caught up in people's personality and not really discern
03:43the heart of the folks we're following.
03:47I have found preachers could say nothing, and the whole room shouted because they hit
03:54a note and had a certain tone of voice.
04:01And this was happening here.
04:04He was hitting some notes, and there's a certain tone and timbre about young Absalom, and we
04:10already covered this in the last couple weeks.
04:15Then Absalom sent for Ahithophel, the Gilonite, David's counselor.
04:20A little background here, it's important.
04:23When you study the scriptures, you'll find that Ahithophel was actually Bathsheba's grandfather.
04:31So what we see here is Absalom studied all the angles, and Ahithophel had become David's
04:40chief strategist, his chief counselor.
04:43The Bible says in another place that when he spoke it was like the very word of God.
04:51But Absalom was paying attention, and he knew that the king hurt him when the king
04:57seduced his grandbaby.
05:00So what Absalom did is he stepped in to exploit the pain.
05:05Now there's something you need to understand about Satan.
05:08He is a bully.
05:10The places we are wounded the most is where he also aims the most.
05:15It's a little bit like boxing.
05:17You know, once you get that scar, you know, right there in your brow, the guy keeps hitting
05:22it and hitting it, because he knows that blood's going to blind your eye, and it's a weak point,
05:27and eventually he's probably going to be able to take your head off.
05:31Also when you're boxing, you know that one of the goals, the reason you hit people in
05:36the body, not so much you think you're going to knock them out, as much as to cause the
05:40person's hands to come down.
05:42And when their hands come down, you have a clear shot at the head.
05:48So what's happening here is Ahithophel's been worked by the adversary, and now Absalom comes
05:55in for the knockout.
05:58It says, and the conspiracy grew strong, for the people with Absalom continually increased
06:04in number.
06:06Now Absalom was very, very calculated.
06:09And what we see here is he's about to trick 200 men into giving him the appearance that
06:16he had a much larger following than he really had.
06:21But this show of strength, though, as we read the text, was big enough to bait David's aggrieved
06:27Ahithophel chief counselor to join his team.
06:32And again, the challenge here is people are looking at the outside, but not discerning
06:38the heart and the insides of people.
06:42Now a messenger came to David saying, the hearts of the men of Israel are with Absalom.
06:49So David said to all his servants who are with him at Jerusalem, arise and let us run.
06:56Let us flee, or we shall not escape from Absalom.
07:04You see, when I was a young boy, boys moved to the side of the sidewalk when a man passed.
07:14But now adults move to the side when boys pass.
07:23When we don't train our children when they're young, we'll run from them when they're old.
07:30Verse 30.
07:33So David went up by the ascent of the Mount of Olives.
07:38David's night with Bathsheba happened in private, but the consequences are now seen on the mountaintop.
07:50And he wept as he went, and he had his head covered, and he was barefoot.
08:02He was broken.
08:04He was ashamed.
08:06He was shattered.
08:09And all the people who were with David covered their heads and also went up weeping as they
08:19went.
08:21David's night in Vegas with Bathsheba not only impacted him, but his entire family and
08:31everyone who followed him.
08:35Sin has greater consequences than we have ever imagined.
08:43Let's go a little bit back in time so everyone might not have been here for every part of
08:48this series.
08:50But let's look at God's response to David while in out in Vegas, 2 Samuel 12 and 11.
09:00He didn't think anyone saw, but God was paying attention.
09:04He misses nothing.
09:06Nathan says, thus saith the Lord, look at this.
09:13Pay attention to me, David.
09:16I love you and everything, but I'm going to have to discipline you.
09:21I will raise up adversity.
09:25That term adversity literally in the Hebrew is rebellion.
09:30Just as you rebelled against me in your behavior with Bathsheba, I'm going to raise up rebellion
09:38against you from your own house.
09:44And I will take your wives before your eyes and give them to your neighbor, and he shall
09:53lie with your wives in the sight of the sun.
09:59What David did to Uriah's wife would happen to his own with compound interest.
10:08Watch this.
10:10Back to 16 and 20.
10:13Then Absalom said to Ahithophel, give advice as to what we should do.
10:21Now Ahithophel had been waiting for this opportunity for a long time, and Ahithophel
10:29answered Absalom, go into your father's concubines.
10:39This is about to get ugly and really, really dirty.
10:45Whom he has left to keep the house, and all Israel will hear that you are abhorred by
10:50your father.
10:53What Ahithophel is saying here is do something to your daddy that will make him hate you
11:04the way I hated him for what he did to my granddaughter.
11:10You'll see a pattern in life and a pattern in Scripture.
11:13Hurt people.
11:15Hurt people.
11:17But then he says, then the hands of all who are with you will be strong.
11:20He was saying when people see that you burned every bridge of reconciliation with your father,
11:28people will understand that you mean business.
11:30Because Ahithophel was taking a big risk here because he had everything to lose by joining
11:35Absalom.
11:36And he also knew that his father was a great man of war.
11:40David was nobody to play with.
11:42And he knew that if father and son ever reconciled, that everyone that lined up behind his son
11:48would probably be killed, beheaded, or at least be pushed out of the nation.
11:54So he gave advice that would make that impossible.
11:59Bitter people give bitter advice.
12:04So they pitched a tent for Absalom on top of David's roof.
12:13And Absalom went in into his father's concubines with all Israel watching.
12:25Can it get worse than this?
12:31But verses like this are the reason why we must be careful not to take vengeance in our
12:38own hands.
12:42Because you will always go too far.
12:46The person steps on your toe, but you punch them in the jaw.
12:51The person was a little sarcastic, you tear them down.
12:55By the time you finish, they wish they were never born.
13:00The reason we're to leave vengeance to God is because God is God, and let God be God.
13:08And vengeance is God's prerogative, and we're not in position to get vengeance right the
13:13way God is.
13:16So Absalom went into his father's concubine in the sight of all Israel.
13:21So Amnon raped Absalom's sister.
13:27And here Absalom goes further and molests his stepmothers.
13:36You see, for in the same way, Jesus said, you judge others, you will be judged.
13:43And what measure you use, it will be measured to you.
13:48He became the judge, and the judgment came back on him.
13:55You see, David never lost on the battlefield, but because he couldn't keep his zipper zipped,
14:03he lost his most important battle for his home, 2 Samuel 18.
14:12And David numbered the people who were with him.
14:15So he left the palace, his son goes into the palace and sleeps with his concubines and
14:23his wives, if you will.
14:28When the Bible says that the people were numbered, typically a king numbered because he's preparing
14:34to go to war.
14:36And it's prudent to assess your resources before you take any type of military move.
14:43When you're in crisis, it's important to take stock, but notice, this is important.
14:50God judged David by allowing him to reap what he had sown in his family, but God still
14:58allowed him to fight back.
15:03You see, God may be disciplining you, and some of the things happening in this season
15:07may have something to do with God's hand.
15:11But let me tell you how the devil operates, he's not fair.
15:16Now God very well may be spanking you, but while God is spanking you, Satan's trying
15:22to clock you, Satan's trying to stab you, Satan's trying to cut you.
15:26While God is doing his thing, he's trying to add to it to wound you forever.
15:32Do you get what I'm saying?
15:35You may be wrong, but never let the devil take more than he should.
15:44Do not just surrender, say, well God is mad at me and this is my situation in life.
15:52God was dealing with David, but God still graced David to fight back.
15:58Keep watching.
16:00And David sent captains of thousands and captains of hundreds over them.
16:05He divided his army into three divisions.
16:07He's still a great warrior under three generals, Joab, Abishai, and Ittai.
16:12Let's go to verse five.
16:14Now the king had commanded Joab, Abishai, and Ittai saying, watch this, deal gently
16:22for my sake with a young man, Absalom.
16:29As horrible as Absalom behaved, David still loved his son.
16:38Holy Absalom, under the sound of my voice, your Heavenly Father still loves you.
16:46God still wants to protect you, let Him.
16:51David had to function as a king and deal with the threat to the nation, but it didn't diminish
17:00his love for his son as a father.
17:04There are things God must deal with as our sovereign, but that dealing will never negate
17:12His love for us as a father.
17:17Even in our discipline, He wants to keep us safe.
17:22He just wants to train us and teach us and guide us.
17:26Deal gently for my sake with the young man.
17:32All of us have a little stupid hidden somewhere on the inside of us.
17:39And he was just a young man.
17:42He don't know nothing yet.
17:47So the people of Judah went out into the field of battle against Israel, and the battle was
17:52in the field of Ephraim.
17:54Civil wars are always the bloodiest wars.
17:57I think it was hundreds of thousands that were lost even in America's Civil War.
18:02Those are the worst and the bloodiest, and I'll tell you as a pastor, you've not really
18:07begun to pastor until you've faced your first church split, led by a friend.
18:14In this case, a son.
18:18And the people of Israel were overthrown there before the servants of David.
18:26David fought back even in his judgment.
18:30Actually in this period when you go to the psalm, I don't remember if it's the sixth
18:32psalm or what psalm it is, we hear David praying to God and God answering him.
18:38So even in God dealing with you, God hears a sinner's prayer.
18:45David was victorious, but only after tremendous loss.
18:52This was horrific, but God was like, listen David, don't start nothing, won't be nothing
18:57now.
18:58It didn't have to go like this.
19:04And a great slaughter of, watch this, 20,000 took place there that day.
19:10Death was everywhere, bodies strewn all over the place.
19:15For the battle there was scattered over the face of the whole countryside, and the woods,
19:21the woods devoured more people that day than the sword.
19:32Woods typically don't kill people.
19:36So David had a lot of this coming.
19:42God still fought alongside him in unusual ways.
19:47So even after you fail as a father, fail as a leader, as a person, you can cry out to
19:55God and He will hear you.
19:59Now there may be some consequences, but the God I know still knows how to take care of
20:05a brother, how to protect a young man—you hear what I'm saying?
20:10Even though you may be reaping some of what you've sown, you still belong to God.
20:21Then Absalom met the servants of David, and says Absalom rode on a mule.
20:28Important figures in that time often rode mules, but watch this, the mule went under
20:34the thick boughs of the great terebinth tree, and his head caught in the terebinth.
20:43Now we read about, you know, they would weigh his hair annually, and it weighed about five
20:48pounds and it was about five feet long.
20:51And everyone, you know, went to this weighing because, you know, the Bible says he was unblemished.
20:56He was an extremely handsome, the most celebrated man in the kingdom at that time.
21:06We also talked about the fact that hair represented vitality and strength in this time in history.
21:13You notice as you get older, your hair tends to get a little bit thinner.
21:17So thick hair represented, again, vitality and strength.
21:24And it seems that his long hair, I don't know what happened, maybe his bobby pin came
21:29out or his, I don't know.
21:36Or squinchy, I think that's what you call it.
21:43But it seems his long hair got stuck in the branches.
21:51His own strength, his own vitality is what killed him.
21:58What was his glory became his curse.
22:04A big head can take you to an early grave.
22:12Because no one is as empty as a person full of themselves.
22:18So here, the writer of the inspired text here kind of pauses and says, yeah, he's caught
22:26by his head and his hair and the branches, but then it goes on and explains a little
22:30bit.
22:31So he was left hanging between heaven and earth.
22:35So he became a testimony.
22:38He was an example of what can happen to us when we live by our own strength.
22:46When we decide to take vengeance into our own hands.
22:51When you seek revenge, dig two graves.
22:57One for your target, and one for yourself.
23:01Because ultimately it's going to wipe both of you out.
23:08Absalom killed Amnon, but his pride and his glory got him caught in a thicket, and he
23:15himself died.
23:16But watch what happens next.
23:19And the mule which was under him went on.
23:22How many know mules aren't known for their smarts?
23:28But this unintelligent animal was smart enough not to let a fool keep riding its back, given
23:36an option.
23:38That is a word for you.
23:42You watch the king, 20,000 dead in Israel because of his traitor of a son.
23:56The king said, is the young man Absalom safe?
24:03At first he said, you know, this is criminal now.
24:08You should be concerned about what your son did.
24:12And I think he is on some level.
24:18But his sensibilities as a father overrode his sensibilities as a monarch.
24:31Our children may disappoint us, but they are still our children.
24:37Luke chapter 32, the affections of a father overrode his sensibilities as a king.
24:46Love can be complicated, and sometimes God has to deal with us in a way that's hard.
24:55Not because His heart's not with us, but because He is a sovereign, and He has a responsibility
25:02to the moral law of the universe.
25:06He has to uphold order, but as He does it, it breaks His very heart.
25:15And the king said to the Cushite, is the young man Absalom safe?
25:22You see, verses like this are the reason why David was called a man after God's own heart.
25:29Again, though God or David fought against Absalom as a monarch, He still loved him as
25:39a father loves his son.
25:43God is dealing with us as He must, but His heart is breaking as He does.
25:56So the Cushite answered, may the enemies of my Lord the king and all who rise against
26:03you to do harm be like that young man.
26:10Then verse 33, already he's offended the generals around him.
26:15It's like, hey, all them people dead, you're talking about your son.
26:18You know, hey, you're supposed to be leading the nation.
26:21You're supposed to do your personal stuff alone and at home.
26:29But the king couldn't handle it.
26:33Bible says he was deeply moved.
26:37Hebrew literally, he was trembling.
26:40He's physically, he couldn't handle what had just happened.
26:47And he begins to look for some privacy.
26:52And he went up on the chamber of the gate and wept.
26:57Sometimes all you can do is cry, because he knew that his son stepped out into eternity
27:07in rebellion against his father and against his God.
27:14You know, those 20,000 men, yeah, many died in battle, but they went into Abraham's bosom.
27:22But Absalom stepped into eternity in rebellion against the Almighty.
27:32So he goes to the chamber over the gate and he wept, and again, sometimes all you can
27:38do is cry.
27:43And as he went, he didn't care what the generals were saying, he didn't care what the people
27:49were saying.
27:50He said, oh my son Absalom, my son, lips trembling, snot dripping, throwing dirt in the air, probably
28:03tearing his garment, probably pulling on his own hair.
28:07My son Absalom, he knew that his son had died in rebellion.
28:18And the grief that struck David, he could not hide.
28:28The Bible takes pain to record, because that's how God would feel about any of us, stepping
28:38into eternity in rebellion against God.
28:45And then David, a man after God's own heart, he says this, he said, if only I had died
28:54in your place.
29:02A parent sees a child in the hospital, especially a young child, you know, tubes hooked up,
29:10pain, and you just, Lord could I just take their place?
29:18That's the cry of any parent's heart.
29:22You know, you hear about something that happened to your child in school, you're like, Lord
29:27can I just possess his body or her body for a moment and go deal with them stupid kids
29:32that they're dealing with at school just for a moment?
29:38That's the heart of a parent.
29:43And when Jesus, he had a revelation like none other.
29:48Throughout the Old Testament, he's called Jehovah, some say Yahweh, Adonai, the Lord's
29:58Sabbath, all these different names.
30:00But Jesus said when you pray, you say our Father.
30:05Jesus called God Father.
30:10Because to truly get a revelation of God, you've got to know a Father's love.
30:17So now we have the King, the dignified individual in expensive garments, and the person everyone's
30:24looking at that stands out in the crowd trembling and weeping, saying if only I had died in
30:33your place.
30:36You see, David was a sinner himself, and he was helpless to atone for Absalom.
30:44But thank God our Heavenly Father had no such limitations.
30:50One thousand years later on Golgotha's Hill, God did what David's heart cried for.
30:58Oh my son Absalom, my son.
31:03If only I had died in your place, oh Absalom, my son, my son, my son.
31:19God weeps for you.
31:26God cares for you.
31:31God literally cries for you.
31:36And passages like this help us see the mind and heart of God.
31:44Years ago when I was in college I gave my life to Jesus, and I started living holy and
31:47all that good stuff.
31:51And I remember there was another guy that was part of the same campus fellowship, and
32:02I went over to his dorm and I knocked, but I heard some things behind the door.
32:13And I don't even think this was a—it didn't matter, I guess it was something about him,
32:18but I think God was trying to show me.
32:23And I knew what was happening behind the door, and I cannot explain the sadness, the sorrow,
32:34and the hurt that gripped me.
32:42What God allowed me to do is feel what it's like to love somebody, abusing themselves,
32:50harming themselves, and hurting another.
32:55And I have remembered that all the days of my life.
32:59And it's not so much I'm trying to be a goody-goody, I just don't want to hurt him the way I felt
33:06that pain that day.
33:13And David now is gripped by the Holy Spirit, you've got to be sure of that, and he's weeping
33:20for his son Absalom, my son, my son.
33:29It was too late for Absalom.
33:33He died in rebellion.
33:38He went to his fate, so all that was left was for his daddy to cry.
33:47My prayer is when you and I, everyone live streaming, everyone in this room, get to that
33:55place where we step from time and space into eternity.
34:01That God is not holding His face, saying, oh Absalom, my image bearer, my son, my son.
34:15My prayer is that when I step outside of this life into the next, I step into my reward,
34:25into His presence, into fullness of joy, into deeper communion, deeper fellowship.
34:32Because my own strength and my own glory, my own power, I didn't get mesmerized by it.
34:37I didn't let it hang me up on a tree somewhere, but I looked to Jesus, who himself was hung
34:42on a tree on my behalf, who took my punishment and my shame.
34:47And because I look to Him in life, I live.
34:53Thank you so much for visiting our YouTube channel.
34:55My hope is that you found something in today's message that has blessed you.
35:00If you've been touched, if you've been inspired by what you've heard, and you want to help
35:04us reach others, I encourage you to like this video, subscribe, comment, and share this
35:09message with someone else.
35:10If you would like to support this ministry financially, you can click the link below
35:15to help us spread this life-changing message of Jesus Christ around the globe.
35:19I hope to see you back here again.
35:21God bless you.