Families That Thrive - David Ireland
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00:00Today reflects the third week in a four-week series that's titled Thriving Relationships.
00:07You don't want to miss next week because I'm going to be talking about thriving through tough times.
00:13But my subject today is families that thrive.
00:19When you thrive, you thrive because there's intentionality and design to what you do, actions that you take.
00:27When I think of the word thrive, the words that best describe it is to grow vigorously, to prosper, to flourish, to be resilient.
00:38Think about a well-watered garden.
00:41When you drive by homes that they take care of their garden, the flowers, the petunias, the roses, the tulips, the azaleas, they look so brilliant and inviting.
00:52I almost want to take one but it's not mine because they are well-watered.
00:58When you think about things that we have to go through in order to have a thriving family, they're tough things.
01:05Family life is messy and there are multiple barriers that we must overcome to thrive.
01:12In 2021, the United States Census reported that about 37% of American families, they experience economic instability and they struggle to provide basic needs.
01:25So when you think about that, add to the complexity of family is the high divorce rate in our country between 40% and 50% of marriages that implode.
01:36And the fragmentation of families is very devastating on children and its impact on them.
01:42Let me add another wrinkle.
01:44In 2020, the National Low Income Housing Coalition reported that one in six American families, close to 17%, experience housing insecurity.
01:56That's marked by either their frequent moves or homelessness.
02:01And so that disrupts the stability of families.
02:05Yet there's another barrier when you deal with common barriers to families that thrive.
02:10Nearly one in five United States children, ages 3 through 17, have mental, emotional, and even behavioral disorder.
02:20And it was a 2022 study by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
02:25In other words, our children are having mental health challenges.
02:30And we must not be neglectful of the little ones, whether your grandchildren or your children, because they may not have language to describe to you what they're feeling, what they're experiencing, what they're suffering.
02:42And so you as a parent or a grandparent or a step-parent must understand how to provide care to your little ones.
02:49Let me throw out another stat that's pretty alarming.
02:52In 2020, the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services reported that 8.7 million United States children experience increased risk of neglect, family disruption, and poorer long-term outcomes.
03:09Why? Their parents have substance abuse problems.
03:15And so I throw out these statistics to let you know that if we're not mindful, a lot of things can really become barriers to thriving.
03:24But I'm mindful of this, that even if any one of these points or other areas that you may be struggling with, God does not abandon you in the midst of your pain.
03:37It's almost like being in a foxhole.
03:40God doesn't say, why are you in there? Or your mistakes brought you in there, or your shortcomings, or your poor choices brought you to that situation.
03:48God doesn't wag His finger to do that.
03:50What He does is He jumps in the foxhole with us.
03:54And in His love and kindness, He helps to bring us out of that place.
03:58Why? It is the will of God that you and your family thrives.
04:03You and your family flourishes. You and your family are resilient.
04:07How do we know it's God's will?
04:09Jesus told us in John 10, verse 10, that He came to give us life, and life more abundantly.
04:19And that word life, it's the Greek word zoe, which means the God kind of life.
04:26It is the will of God that you experience a flourishing life.
04:32I want you to know that.
04:33And so that's so positive and hopeful.
04:36Now, I love what John Gottman, a relationship therapist and researcher, once said.
04:42Strong families are not the ones that never struggle, but the ones that never give up.
04:50And that's what God wants us to be able to be.
04:53Strong, vibrant, thriving families that never give up.
04:59I remember it was about 20 years ago.
05:01I was at a speaking engagement in Washington, D.C.
05:05After that meeting, about 20 to 25 people gathered together in a green room to have a meal together.
05:13They had ordered the meal from a restaurant.
05:17And among the 25 people, I was the only person that got food poisoning.
05:23And it was so bad that I gave up everything, regurgitated everything.
05:28I hate to be so graphic.
05:30But I was so weakened that I had to have an IV drip in my arm.
05:35In order to put nutrients back into my body.
05:38And every drop of the nutrients that came into my arm, I can just feel my body gaining strength.
05:45I was getting stronger and stronger at every drop.
05:48I want you to view our sermon today as an IV drip.
05:52That the Holy Spirit is putting you, hooking you up to an IV drip.
05:57So that every drop that comes from His Word will help you as an individual and as a family to thrive.
06:04It is the will of God that you flourish.
06:07It is the will of God that your family prospers.
06:10It is the will of God that your family thrives.
06:14And so I want you to then just let the Holy Spirit do His stuff inside of you.
06:19Don't reject it. Don't back away.
06:23Let the drip take place inside of you.
06:26I'm going to be spending the remainder of my time in the book of Judges.
06:31It's been referred to as the perfect story.
06:35I mean I love stories with happy endings.
06:38It's like going to the movies. You pay your money and you want the guy to get the girl at the end of the day.
06:43You want the girl to run off into the sunset with the guy.
06:46And you want both of them to have a happy ending.
06:48I don't want the, if I'm watching a western, I don't want the horse to die.
06:52I don't want the bad guy to win.
06:54I want the good guy to shoot the bad guy and he rides off into the sunset.
06:58I feel good about that movie.
07:01This story is like that. It's the story of the book of Ruth.
07:05The story starts off though, it's pretty sad.
07:08Six people in a family and then four pass away.
07:13And we find it reduced to two women in this blended family.
07:17And then because they chose to walk with God,
07:20God did something amazing in them and through them and with them to make them thrive.
07:26Let me begin the story.
07:28Ruth 1 verse 1.
07:31In the days when the judges ruled, there was a famine in the land.
07:37So a man from Bethlehem in Judah, together with his wife and two sons, went to live for a while in the country of Moab.
07:45The man's name was Elimelech. His wife's name was Naomi.
07:50And the names of his two sons were Malon and Kilion.
07:54They were Ephrathites from Bethlehem, Judah.
07:57And they went to Moab and lived there.
08:00Now Elimelech, Naomi's husband, died.
08:04And she was left with her two sons.
08:07They married Moabite women, one named Orpah and the other Ruth.
08:12After they had lived there about 10 years, both Malon and Kilion also died.
08:18And Naomi was left without her two sons and her husband.
08:23Stop there.
08:25I want you to see that this family had desire to have a better living.
08:31Famine in Israel. So they said, well, let's just go for a while.
08:34Short while to the neighboring country, Moab.
08:37Naomi's husband, Elimelech, dies.
08:42We never really plan for a loved one to pass away,
08:47especially in the prime of his life.
08:49And I want you to see that life is so unpredictable.
08:52So here we find Naomi grieving the loss of her husband.
08:56She now becomes a single parent, a single mom, raising two boys.
09:02And it's always a little bit more difficult for a woman to raise men,
09:06to raise sons, to become men.
09:08She finds herself in this place in life.
09:10So many of us, we ask ourselves the question,
09:13why are we at this place in our lives?
09:15We never expected this.
09:17But we must be careful that the question doesn't create a pit for us,
09:21what we never get out of.
09:23Then we find that her sons, Kilion and Malon, they married two women.
09:30Scripture says in 10 years, the men died, the sons died.
09:34So here we find Naomi now, not only a widow,
09:38but also one that she's no longer mom,
09:41no longer hearing the voice of saying,
09:43Mom, no longer hearing those words.
09:47And she has two daughters-in-law.
09:49So here we find now the circumstances change.
09:52So I must ask this question,
09:54because I don't know where you are in your life,
09:57or what problems you may be facing,
09:59or what may be challenging your ability as a family,
10:03or maybe as an individual to thrive.
10:05But what I do know is this,
10:07that the Bible does not leave you without answers,
10:10without a roadmap, without a step out of that hole.
10:13It offers you one.
10:15So let me frame the question.
10:17How do families learn to thrive?
10:20I offer you three answers for your consideration.
10:23First, they look forward, not backward.
10:28And you may say, well, that's very simple.
10:30It is.
10:32It may sound simple, but there's a lot to it.
10:35Naomi, she looked to the future.
10:39She didn't look into the past,
10:41into the rearview mirror of her life,
10:43and get stuck there.
10:45She starts to train her sons,
10:48as when she lost her husband.
10:50Boys, you guys are going to grow up to become men.
10:52You're going to want to get married,
10:54and so you must carry yourself as marriageable men.
10:58All the ladies should say amen to that.
11:01Naomi never thought her life would be at this place.
11:04She never thought that she would be a widow.
11:06Not so young.
11:08She's no longer a mom.
11:10Never thought she would be that.
11:12I bring you to verse 6 to let you know what Naomi did.
11:16When Naomi heard in Moab
11:20that the Lord had come to the aid of His people
11:23by providing food for them,
11:25she and her daughters-in-law prepared to return home from there.
11:29So Naomi still had this orientation to life.
11:33Don't look backward, look forward.
11:36So in her looking forward,
11:38she did not allow herself to get caught up in this hole,
11:43like so many people fall into this trap.
11:45You know what the trap is?
11:47The trap is that they want a perfect life.
11:51And most of us don't realize
11:53that there is no such thing as a perfect life.
11:56Perfect husband, perfect house, perfect children.
11:59That everything is perfect.
12:01I cross all my T's.
12:02I dot all my proverbial I's.
12:04I live in perfection.
12:06But guess what?
12:07None of us have perfect lives.
12:09And so perfectionism,
12:11it's the thought that my life should always,
12:15everything should work out perfectly.
12:17I get the house.
12:19I decorate it the way I want it to look.
12:21I have the perfect friends.
12:23We go out on perfect outings.
12:25We have the perfect holidays and perfect vacations.
12:28We get the perfect pay.
12:29We get the perfect kids.
12:31Guess what?
12:32Life is so messy and unpredictable.
12:34Don't aim for perfection.
12:36Aim for emotional health.
12:40Naomi did not allow low self-worth
12:43or depression or anxiety
12:45or stressing over past failures
12:47to become something that gripped her.
12:50What Naomi was looking at
12:52was not looking backward but looking forward.
12:55She was not going to second guess herself.
12:57Did we relocate to Moab?
12:59Was it the will of God?
13:01Did we make the wrong move?
13:03Did I do something foolish?
13:05Did I mess up?
13:06She didn't allow those questions to be entertained.
13:09And I'm saying to you,
13:10if you find yourself entertaining questions
13:13about your past,
13:14your past actions,
13:15your past decisions,
13:16and you're saying,
13:17if I should have done this,
13:18maybe I should have done that,
13:19maybe I should have done the other,
13:20I should not have listened to that person,
13:22I should not have listened to the other individuals.
13:24But what I'm suggesting to you is this,
13:26is that you need to then recognize,
13:29hey, that God doesn't want us to look backwards.
13:32What He wants us to do is look forward.
13:35And I'm saying to you,
13:37don't look backwards.
13:39Don't live in the past.
13:41People that live in the past,
13:43they are victims of a slow killer.
13:46That slow killer of self,
13:48slow killer of relationships,
13:50slow killer of even relationship with God.
13:53If you may have had
13:55and gone through the pain of a divorce,
13:58now you're remarried.
14:00Don't look back at the past marriage and say,
14:03man, I should have done this,
14:04I should have done that,
14:05he should have done that,
14:06she should have done this.
14:08You will not have a thriving marriage today
14:12if you're looking and living
14:13in yesterday's past relationship.
14:16I'm saying to you,
14:17you gotta look forward, not backwards.
14:21Naomi, she turned the page on her pain.
14:30What did she do?
14:32She recognized that my life is imperfect,
14:35and that's okay.
14:38If you can just recognize that,
14:41my life is imperfect,
14:44and that's okay.
14:46You will find yourself on the way
14:49to having a thriving family.
14:52Naomi decided to relocate to Israel.
14:57She hears news that God's at work in Israel,
15:00there's food again, there's prosperity.
15:03Families are beginning to really thrive,
15:06and so she sets her eyes,
15:08not back in Moab where she is,
15:11but forward, I'm going back home.
15:13Life is still worth living.
15:15What was Naomi doing?
15:17She realized this,
15:18if you're going to look forward,
15:20you have to look at your scars as beauty marks.
15:24Don't look at them as horrible signs of pain,
15:28look at them as signs of experience.
15:31I love when I get around people,
15:33whether they're older than me,
15:35or younger than me,
15:36or we're the same age,
15:37but yet they have such an amazing perspective
15:40of the things that they've gone through
15:42that was tough.
15:43You don't hear bitterness amidst their words
15:45when they tell their story.
15:47You hear them look at their pain
15:49and their experiences
15:50almost as if they're scars to show you that,
15:54hey, I've lived.
15:56I'm a survivor.
15:58I'm an overcomer.
15:59I have a story that tells you
16:01of God's amazing grace.
16:03Like David the psalmist said,
16:05I've been young, and now I'm old.
16:08But one thing I can tell you is this,
16:10I've never seen the righteous forsaken,
16:12nor their seed begging bread.
16:15I want you to see that
16:16there's this amazing ability.
16:19Don't look backwards, look forwards.
16:22The great German theologian Dietrich Bonhoeffer said,
16:26It is not the family that gives us
16:28our first taste of life,
16:31but it is the family where we learn how to love,
16:34serve, and trust.
16:36A thriving family is one that learns
16:38to bear one another's burdens
16:41as Christ has borne ours.
16:44Naomi looked forward.
16:46She and her daughter-in-law,
16:48they bore each other's burdens.
16:51I want you to see how vital it is.
16:55How vital it is.
16:56I remember talking to this,
16:59this gentleman married,
17:00and his wife is,
17:01she's a very strong woman.
17:04And I said to him, I said,
17:05Brother, don't take advantage of your wife's strength.
17:10Carry more weight in your family.
17:14It'll help your marriage in the long haul.
17:17Even though you may look at your wife
17:19and think that she's got this,
17:21don't let her feel isolated
17:24in the carrying of family weight.
17:28Carry weight so that she will feel
17:32the strength of you being there with her.
17:36And I want you to,
17:37I want you to,
17:38if you're a man that just got married,
17:40take this free advice
17:43to a guy who's been married for 40 years
17:45and in a healthy marriage.
17:48So I just want you to see,
17:50you need to grab it and take it
17:52and run with it.
17:54Let me get back to my original question
17:55because I was meddling there a little bit.
17:58How do families learn to thrive?
18:02Second answer, turn setbacks into stepping stones.
18:08A setback is dashed expectations,
18:12dreams that imploded,
18:15situations that didn't end up the way you thought,
18:19areas where you were disappointed.
18:21And certainly we can see that Naomi and Ruth
18:25and Orpah were disappointed.
18:27They never expected their marriages to end.
18:30Not so young, not so short, no.
18:34But my question to you is,
18:35can you look for a way to turn your setback
18:40into a stepping stone?
18:43Put another way,
18:44can you search for an opportunity
18:46to grow amidst your problems?
18:49Let me bring you to verse 8
18:51so you can see what Naomi did.
18:53Then Naomi said to her two daughters-in-law,
18:57Go back each of you to your mother's home.
19:01May the Lord show you kindness
19:02as you have shown kindness to your dead husbands and to me.
19:06May the Lord grant that each of you
19:08will find rest in the home of another husband.
19:12Then she kissed them goodbye
19:14and they wept aloud and said to her,
19:18We will go back with you to your people.
19:22Stop there.
19:24I must bring out this point
19:26that if you're going to have a thriving family,
19:29the way you turn setbacks into stepping stones
19:33is that you give family members a freedom of choice
19:36in how they need to express their grief.
19:39Naomi, in her wisdom,
19:42she said to her two daughters-in-law,
19:44If you guys want to return back to your family of origin,
19:47I give you the freedom to do that.
19:49Don't feel obligated to go back with me to my home,
19:52my birthplace, to the land of Israel.
19:55I don't want you to feel that kind of obligation.
19:58You guys are young.
19:59You're marriageable women.
20:02Men would love to have you as a wife.
20:05Go back to your families.
20:07She was respecting their freedom of choice.
20:11She was respecting the fact that
20:13they process pain in their own unique ways.
20:16I want you to see that setbacks,
20:19disruptions of family life, it's normal.
20:22Every one of us will go through,
20:25or have gone through,
20:26or will again in the future
20:28go through some kind of setback
20:30that blindsides you.
20:33My wife and I, we have two children.
20:35They're adults now,
20:36but back in the day,
20:38early days of our marriage,
20:40after our daughters were born,
20:43we still wanted other children.
20:45And I remember Marlinda was expecting our third child.
20:49She must have been about four or five months pregnant at the time.
20:52And I remember I was at home,
20:54working on one of my books,
20:56just writing this book.
20:57I'm busy, my mind's focused.
20:59And I get this frantic call from Marlinda,
21:02and she's crying on the other end.
21:04She had pulled her car over in a parking lot
21:07and went into a restaurant,
21:10and back then they had phone booths,
21:12and so she went into the phone booth,
21:13and she called me,
21:14and she said amidst her tears,
21:16I just had a miscarriage,
21:18and I'm here in this phone booth, bleeding.
21:21And so I had to rush to the restaurant
21:24to help my wife,
21:25and to take her to a hospital.
21:27And we went together,
21:28and the loss of a child.
21:30But I'm so thankful we did not allow ourselves
21:32to get caught up in this philosophical vortex,
21:36like a dog chasing its tail,
21:38where we start saying and asking questions like,
21:40God, why did you allow this?
21:43God, what did we do wrong?
21:45Why did we lose this baby?
21:47Why this miscarriage?
21:48And I'm saying,
21:49don't get caught up in these philosophical traps,
21:53where there are no answers that are plausible,
21:56reasonable,
21:57answers that will help medicate your soul.
22:00Don't do that,
22:01because when you keep asking these questions
22:04over and over and over,
22:05that's fraught with blame to God,
22:09and fraught with this sense of disconnectedness,
22:12and distancing yourself from God.
22:14What it does,
22:15it hurts your relationship with the Lord,
22:17and it will eventually hurt your relationship
22:18with your spouse,
22:19with your partner.
22:20And I want you to see that.
22:21I'm thankful that God allowed us to then say,
22:24what do we do now, Lord?
22:26That became our question.
22:28How do we move forward now, Lord?
22:30God, how do we turn this setback
22:32into a stepping stone, Lord?
22:34That became our question.
22:35So we drew closer to each other,
22:37rather than farther apart.
22:39And I'm not trying to minimize the pain
22:42of losing a child.
22:43What I am saying is that
22:45God in His infinite wisdom,
22:47He has so much love for you
22:49when you become His child,
22:51that He can bring healing to you,
22:53and peace to you,
22:54and comfort to you,
22:55and joy to you,
22:56that you will be able to say,
22:58God, I thank you because you love me
23:00in the midst of my imperfection,
23:03in the midst of my pain,
23:04you didn't abandon me.
23:06And I'm saying to you,
23:07you may not be in the situation where I was in,
23:10but you may be in a situation
23:12that nonetheless is fraught
23:14with all kinds of roadmaps,
23:16or I should say road traps,
23:18and holes that can suck you in
23:21to this philosophical vortex of pain.
23:24And I'm saying,
23:25don't get trapped in that.
23:27Use that setback as a stepping stone
23:31to grow closer to the Lord,
23:33to grow closer with your family,
23:35to grow stronger in God.
23:37Use that for that purpose.
23:40Some families fall apart
23:42when they go through tough times.
23:44They get so silent,
23:46and they give each other this silent treatment,
23:49and they grow inward,
23:50and turn inward,
23:51and they're getting bitter,
23:52and angry,
23:53and hardened.
23:54That's not God's will for you.
23:57That's not God's plan for you.
23:59And I always,
24:00when I'm speaking to atheists,
24:01and I used to be one,
24:02so those are my people,
24:04formerly.
24:05I challenge them today,
24:06I say to them,
24:07who do you turn to
24:08when you go through crisis?
24:11And it's quiet.
24:13They have no answer.
24:15I don't get caught up with
24:16the technical scientific questions.
24:18I go right to the emotional.
24:19I go right to the relational.
24:21I go right to the internal.
24:23And so now they have to struggle
24:25with their feelings
24:26because they have no answer.
24:27And I say to them,
24:28I said, you know what?
24:29When I go through crisis,
24:30I turn to God.
24:32They say, well, God doesn't exist.
24:33I say, well, if He doesn't exist,
24:35I would rather have a nonexistent God
24:38that comforts me
24:39than you who have nobody to comfort.
24:42I would rather have that.
24:49Now, if you have never before
24:51invited Jesus Christ into your life
24:53to be your Savior,
24:55when I finish my teaching,
24:57I'm going to give you an opportunity
24:59to invite Jesus in
25:01because He's real and He loves you.
25:03And I'm speaking to you as one
25:05that was the scientific atheist
25:07for the first two decades of my life.
25:09And when I recognized that
25:11that gave me nothing
25:12and brought me nowhere
25:13but just give me a lot of questions
25:15and the Aristotelian thinking
25:17of thinking that just science and reason,
25:20the five senses is where I get information.
25:22But it was on that night of July 6, 1982
25:25at 10 p.m.
25:26when I said, God, if you're real, change me.
25:29And there I was saved.
25:31And I'm saying that same Jesus,
25:32that saved me, an atheist,
25:34can save you and change you as well.
25:37And I want to give you that opportunity
25:39at the end of my teaching.
25:40But I want you to see
25:41one of the ways you turn setbacks
25:43into stepping stones
25:44is by making a deep commitment to family,
25:47to us.
25:49Imperfect, but it's my family.
25:52Broken, my family.
25:55Flawed, my family.
25:58Complicated, my family.
26:00Going through tough times, my family.
26:03I'm making a commitment to us.
26:07Are you familiar with the mighty sequoia trees,
26:09also known as redwood trees in California?
26:13They grow to over 350 feet in height
26:18and 24 feet in diameter.
26:21These huge trees start from just a tiny little seed.
26:25Sequoias, they grow together in clusters, though.
26:28You'll seldom see them by themselves.
26:30And their roots, underneath the ground,
26:32they intertwine and lock into place.
26:36The network of roots
26:37create a strong, supportive foundation
26:40that helps each tree to stay upright and thrive.
26:45Just like these trees,
26:46where their roots intertwine and lock in place.
26:50When you make a commitment to family, to us,
26:55mi familia, this is my family.
26:58When you make that commitment,
27:00you lock your roots deep down
27:03into the soil of your relationship.
27:06And so, when you go through difficulty and setbacks,
27:09your commitment will cause you to turn the setbacks
27:12into stepping stones.
27:13And that's why it's so important.
27:15I wanted you to renew your commitment to us, to family.
27:20Don't look over there at a family that looks perfect.
27:24Because there are no perfect families.
27:28Look over at your family.
27:31Broken, flawed, complicated,
27:36prone to disappointing at times.
27:39Yes, yes, yes.
27:42But this is us.
27:44This is my family, and I'm making a commitment to us.
27:48And I want you to understand that.
27:50Young men, listen to me.
27:52Married men, listen to me.
27:53Don't look over there.
27:54You'll always find a prettier wife,
27:56a prettier woman, a prettier girl, somebody else.
27:59But no, don't look for that.
28:01Beauty fades.
28:04It fades.
28:05Look for something more enduring.
28:07Look for something more valuable.
28:09You can turn your wife into that runway model
28:13by how you treat her.
28:15Treat her with kindness and patience
28:17and love and tenderness.
28:19And all of a sudden,
28:20she emerges into this beauty queen.
28:23And you wonder,
28:24how in the world did I marry her?
28:26You married up, brother,
28:28because of how you treated her.
28:31I want you to see the value in that.
28:33Let me go back to the text.
28:35We're talking about families thrive
28:37when they turn setbacks into stepping stones.
28:42Verse 14.
28:43Let's see what Ruth and Naomi did.
28:46Naomi told Ruth and Orpah,
28:48Guys, go back home.
28:50Let's see their response.
28:52At this they wept aloud again.
28:54Then Orpah kissed her mother-in-law goodbye.
28:57But Ruth clung to her.
28:59Look, said Naomi,
29:00your sister-in-law is going back to her people and her gods.
29:03Go back with her.
29:05But Ruth replied,
29:06Don't urge me to leave you or turn back from you.
29:11Where you go, I will go.
29:13And where you stay, I will stay.
29:16Your people will be my people.
29:18And your God, my God.
29:20Where you die, I will die.
29:22And there, I will be buried.
29:25May the Lord deal with me, be it ever so severely,
29:28if even death separates you and me.
29:31When Naomi realized that Ruth was determined to go with her,
29:34she stopped urging her.
29:36Notice, Orpah had the freedom to go, and she left.
29:41Naomi wasn't bent out of shape.
29:43That was her choice.
29:44Ruth said, I'm not going anywhere.
29:47I'm going to turn the setback into a stepping stone.
29:50I've learned that when you walk with God,
29:53there's good stuff inside of you.
29:57Naomi, I'm going with you.
30:00Your people, my people.
30:01Your God, my God.
30:02As you walk with God, I'm walking with you.
30:04And there, Ruth made the commitment to walk with Naomi
30:07and verbalized it.
30:09And when you read the book of Ruth,
30:11the central character in the first chapter,
30:14it was Naomi, switched.
30:16All of a sudden, Ruth became the central character
30:18through the rest of the three chapters that remains.
30:21Let me tell you what Stephen Covey, an American author, said.
30:25The storms of life don't define thriving families.
30:29Their response to those storms does.
30:32They find opportunities for growth in every struggle.
30:37If I was a reporter and I was back there,
30:40I would interview, I would request an interview with Ruth.
30:43Ruth, I've heard you lost a father-in-law
30:46and you lost a brother-in-law
30:48and you lost your own husband.
30:50Ruth, how do you turn your setbacks into stepping stones?
30:56Put the mic right under her mouth.
30:58Press record.
31:00Notice I brought the technology from this century to that century.
31:03I press record.
31:04You can do that now when you preach.
31:07I press record.
31:09Ruth will probably say something like,
31:12I learned to walk with Naomi as she walked with God.
31:19I learned that the glue of commitment
31:22helps me to turn setbacks into stepping stones.
31:27I learned that when I walk with God, he helps me.
31:32I learned that setbacks can become stepping stones
31:36when you show one another kindness.
31:39Naomi has been kind to me and I have been kind to her.
31:43It medicates the setbacks
31:46and the setbacks become stepping stones.
31:50Let me race now to pose the question once again
31:54and provide the third answer.
31:56How do families learn to thrive?
31:59We've learned already you look forward, not backward.
32:02We turn setbacks into stepping stones.
32:05The answer is they build each other up.
32:10I'm amazed when I see thriving families.
32:14You hear how they speak to each other.
32:17They're affirming.
32:19They're encouraging.
32:20What are they doing?
32:21They're building each other up.
32:23They're helping each other emotionally, spiritually, relationally
32:26to do life together.
32:28Are they perfect? No.
32:30Are they flawed? Yes.
32:32Are they complicated? Yes.
32:33Do they get on each other's nerves at times?
32:35Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
32:39But yet they made a clear commitment to us.
32:42And then they find themselves
32:44helping each other achieve their dreams,
32:47their mutual goals,
32:49their desires,
32:51their ambitions.
32:52And they make that part of their own abilities.
32:57Why? They're really building each other up.
33:00So, are you intentionally having conversations
33:04with your family members
33:05so you can see where they are
33:07emotionally, spiritually,
33:09so that you can be able to build them up?
33:12So you can be able to encourage them?
33:14Ruth and Naomi,
33:16they relocated to Israel.
33:19When they got there,
33:21Ruth says,
33:22we need food.
33:23I need to go gleaning
33:25in the fields because it was harvest time.
33:28And so Naomi said,
33:29go for it.
33:30Do it.
33:32And so Ruth gets out there.
33:34She's picking up the leftovers
33:35that the harvesters didn't pick up.
33:37She's filling our bag with all kinds of stuff.
33:40And when she returns home
33:43with all of this food,
33:45Naomi says,
33:46tell me about your day.
33:47She said, oh man,
33:48I was gleaning in the fields.
33:50And you know the owner of the field?
33:53Naomi, you know what his name is?
33:54She said his name is Boaz.
33:56You can almost see Naomi fall off her chair.
33:58Boaz?
34:00That's a distant relative of ours.
34:03He's a real godly man.
34:06He's a single man.
34:08He's a man that has great reputation.
34:11He's a man of means.
34:13When you go gleaning tomorrow,
34:15go back to the same field.
34:17Now listen to me, ladies.
34:19Part of what it means when you build someone up
34:21is when you gain wisdom,
34:23even from older women.
34:25Naomi was going to say,
34:26look, you're still marriageable.
34:28I need to get you to be married
34:31to a man that can take care of you
34:35and bring happiness and respect you
34:37and be kind to you.
34:38A godly man.
34:39A respectful man.
34:40A man with a J-O-B.
34:42A man that has some money.
34:44You understand, he has some shekels.
34:46See, she's getting...
34:48Ruth is allowing herself to be coached.
34:50My wife said to me the other day,
34:52she said, you know,
34:53a lot of these single women,
34:54I don't get it.
34:55They don't know how to catch a man.
34:57Now, when she said that to me,
34:58I said, oh my lord, my mind went back.
35:00I said, that means that she caught me.
35:02That means she threw her line out.
35:05I thought I was the one who was pursuing.
35:07I didn't know sister was baiting me in.
35:10She said, they don't know how to flirt
35:12in a healthy way.
35:13And I'm thinking, what?
35:15I mean, I'm trying to listen to her,
35:17but I'm listening now with this suspicion.
35:19That means I was floundering on a hook
35:21and she was reeling me in.
35:23I had no idea that I was preyed upon.
35:26P-R-E-Y.
35:27You know, I didn't know that.
35:29But I'm listening now to try to get secrets.
35:31You know, guys, we need to get secrets.
35:33She said, I need to have a chat
35:35with some of these women
35:36because sometimes they don't know
35:37how to present themselves.
35:40I said, what do you mean?
35:42And she began to tell me
35:47how she's coaching some other ladies
35:49in the church.
35:50Maybe some of you.
35:53Because she's saying that some of them,
35:54they put these veneers up
35:56and these shields up
35:57and they're off-putting
35:59and they don't even know it.
36:01I'm thinking, she was dropping guards
36:04and drawing me in
36:05like a spider bringing in a fly.
36:09I didn't know I was that.
36:12But the point I'm bringing out is this,
36:14is that the building up,
36:17it occurs in the family
36:20and in the family.
36:22And if your family is so destructive,
36:23then your spiritual family
36:26will be there to build you up
36:28so you can be who God's called you to be.
36:31Now, Ruth gets the eye of Boaz.
36:36Let me tell you how it happened.
36:39And verse 10 spells it out,
36:41Boaz's response.
36:43At this, she, that's Ruth,
36:46she bowed down with her face to the ground.
36:48She asked him, that's Boaz,
36:50why have I found favor?
36:53Why have I found such favor in your eyes
36:55that you notice me a foreigner?
36:58Boaz replied,
36:59I've been told all about
37:01what you've done for your mother-in-law
37:03since the death of your husband.
37:05How you left your father and mother
37:07and your homeland
37:08and came to live with a people
37:09you did not know before.
37:11May the Lord repay you
37:13with what you have done.
37:15May you richly,
37:16may you be richly rewarded by the Lord,
37:19the God of Israel,
37:20under whose wings
37:21you have come to take refuge.
37:23So Boaz just saying,
37:25man, in other words,
37:26Boaz was checking her out.
37:28He was asking around town,
37:30who's she?
37:31Who's that woman?
37:32They said, don't you know who that is?
37:35That's Ruth.
37:37She is Naomi's daughter-in-law.
37:39She's from Moab.
37:40She left her folks to come here
37:42and live in God's country
37:44with God's people.
37:46Boaz said, oh yeah?
37:48And then they kept on talking
37:50because Naomi and Ruth
37:51was the talk of the town.
37:52They said, Ruth,
37:54she is so kind to Naomi.
37:59You can see his brain
38:01is moving all of it.
38:02Man, when someone treats
38:04their mother-in-law kind,
38:07I may not be smart,
38:08but it means that they're going
38:09to treat me kind.
38:11He's connecting the dots.
38:13He's connecting the dots.
38:15He's not like the guy who said that
38:17when my mother-in-law
38:18went over the cliff in my BMW,
38:20I had mixed signals.
38:22I had mixed feelings.
38:23I said, my beamer, my beamer.
38:29It wasn't that perspective.
38:31But when you fast forward the story,
38:34Ruth and Boaz get married
38:37and they have a child, a son.
38:40His name was Obed.
38:43And when you follow now
38:44the genealogical trail,
38:46Obed became the father of Jesse
38:50who was the father of King David.
38:53Follow the genealogical trail.
38:5614 generations later
38:58when there was then
39:00the individuals leaving Israel,
39:03the Exodus,
39:04follow another 14 generations
39:06or 28 generations
39:08after King David,
39:10Jesus was born from that lineage.
39:13Now, you go through this roadmap,
39:17this proverbial roadmap,
39:19Jesus, our Savior,
39:22was born in this family line
39:25of a woman who,
39:27because she turned setbacks
39:29into stepping stones,
39:31because she looked forward,
39:33not backward,
39:34because she knew how to build up
39:36her mother-in-law
39:38and her mother-in-law built her up.
39:40Here comes Jesus saying that
39:42I'm going to be born in that lineage
39:44because that is a thriving family.
39:47That blended family strived.
39:49That blended family knows how to prosper.
39:52They're resilient.
39:53That's where our Lord came from
39:55genealogically.
39:56What am I here to tell you?
39:58I'm here to tell you that
39:59because you have problems in your family,
40:01don't write it off.
40:03Because you're going through confusion,
40:05don't dismiss your future.
40:07Because you're going through hard times,
40:09don't toss in the bath water
40:12with the baby.
40:13Don't throw it away.
40:14You need to learn how to be resilient.
40:16Look forward, not backward.
40:18Turn your setbacks into stepping stones.
40:20Build up one another
40:22and watch what God will do.
40:24God wants to do something great
40:26in your family.
40:28He wants your family to thrive.
40:30He wants you to be resilient.
40:32He wants you to prosper.
40:33He wants your family to flourish.
40:35We serve a God.
40:36He doesn't exempt Himself from our pain.
40:39He joins us in it
40:40and brings us out of that hole.
40:42Why?
40:43Because He's loving.
40:44Why?
40:45Because He's kind.
40:46Why?
40:47Because He's good.
40:48Why?
40:49Because He's redemptive.
40:50Why?
40:51Because you are the apple of His eye.
40:53That's the God that we serve.
40:55That's the God of the Bible.
40:57That's the God who we walk with.
40:59Come on.
41:00Come on.
41:01Shout to the Lord today.
41:06That's who we serve.
41:09What a God.
41:10That's why we love Him.
41:12Because He doesn't leave us nor forsake us.
41:15He's so kind.
41:17May I pray with you today?
41:18Would you stand with me please?