Big Guns -SD

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Transcript
00:00:00Ah, the Golden Ears, free at last. To play. It was perfect.
00:00:09It's not the highest scoring. We don't have the biggest guys.
00:00:15Some people call it boring. But when you play it beneath blue skies,
00:00:23It's perfect, perfect, perfect. The game that I am high on.
00:00:30Perfect, perfect, perfect. A game you can rely on.
00:00:36But then, then there was our team.
00:00:41You know, I got up this morning and I took a shower and I couldn't believe what I saw in the mirror.
00:00:45Well, it's a big mistake looking in the mirror, Mel.
00:00:47Serious. I've got small.
00:00:49Maybe you were standing in a draft. Maybe your gut just got bigger.
00:00:54Maybe it was teensy-weensy from the beginning, Mel.
00:00:58To be the same on every field, from here to Maine.
00:01:04To be so fair was all-American, that's for sure.
00:01:10Hey, come on. Really? You guys ever notice that?
00:01:14Come to think of it, I ain't seen old Charlie in years.
00:01:18It's not the highest scoring. We don't have the biggest guys.
00:01:24Some people call it boring. But when you play it beneath blue skies,
00:01:33It's perfect, perfect, perfect. Perfect, perfect, perfect. Perfect, perfect, perfect. Perfect, perfect, perfect.
00:01:49Never said in constellation my balls are hanging down to my knees. Ah, jeez.
00:01:54When we were kids in the field, there was nothing so real as the feel of a bat in your hand.
00:02:02Grab an old glove, blue skies above, slide home into the sand.
00:02:10We played together in the 50s.
00:02:12Keep your eye on the ball, Steve.
00:02:14Yeah, try not to look like a butt face again.
00:02:16Shut up, garbage breath. Spaz. Moron.
00:02:2250 years later, most of us were still playing ball together, and we still didn't have uniforms,
00:02:27And we were still clowning around, having a good time.
00:02:31We liked to think of ourselves as hanging loose.
00:02:34Unfortunately, we were the kings of loose.
00:02:42We called our team appropriately Kids at Heart.
00:02:46Hey, try not to fart when you're swinging this time. I gave it a breath.
00:02:50Butt face.
00:02:55No batter, no batter, no batter, no batter, no batter.
00:02:59Wow, nice swing, Alice.
00:03:01Jeez, felt the breeze all the way over here.
00:03:04Come on, Steve, you're killing us.
00:03:06I've never seen anything like it, guys. You're the worst team in the world.
00:03:09No, no, no, no. You stink.
00:03:11Yeah, that's what our little league coach said.
00:03:14That mean we don't go for pizza today, coach?
00:03:17Pizza? He ain't bought us water.
00:03:20Hey, who knew a whale could live out of water?
00:03:23Jeez, Bobby, before we all puke.
00:03:25Hey, I've got the right to get some sun.
00:03:27Yeah, well, leave some for us.
00:03:29Don't you know that's against the law?
00:03:31What law?
00:03:32The ugly law.
00:03:35The ugly law?
00:03:37Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
00:03:46Go back to sleep, Roy.
00:03:51Go, go, go, go, go.
00:03:54All right, Roy.
00:04:07Great ups, Roadkill.
00:04:09She was real impressed.
00:04:11Zip it, booger face.
00:04:12I want any crap out of you, I'll squeeze your head.
00:04:14Hey, don't get upset.
00:04:15There's a lot of people with no talent.
00:04:17Oh, but we're brave.
00:04:19We still like to play.
00:04:21Grab a ball.
00:04:22Don't be a chump.
00:04:25Bruises, we get it.
00:04:27Knees, just forget.
00:04:29This is gonna raise a lot.
00:04:31Just look at this beautiful day.
00:04:33I can't believe you love nature after all it's done to you.
00:04:36My wife forbids me to take my shirt off.
00:04:38She says she doesn't want to get nightmares.
00:04:40She likes your hair, Perry.
00:04:42It looks like it got it out of an ink bottle.
00:04:44More like somebody turned you upside down
00:04:46in a can of black shoe polish.
00:04:48Go ahead and laugh, but it's all natural.
00:04:50There's not a gray hair on my body.
00:04:52Really?
00:04:53You dye in your body hair, too?
00:04:55Look, it's a stand-up comedian.
00:04:57To keep a lucid mind
00:05:00Is that a crime?
00:05:03I think we knew that taking life too seriously
00:05:06can be detrimental to your health.
00:05:13Maybe that's why we needed balls so much.
00:05:28Still amazes me how bad I would screw it all up.
00:05:34Coffee okay, Mel?
00:05:36It's pretty strong.
00:05:38I usually don't drink coffee
00:05:40unless I can see the bottom of the cup.
00:05:42I'm sorry about the coffee, Mel.
00:05:44So what caused these panic attacks?
00:05:47What caused it?
00:05:49Losing the game, that's what caused it.
00:05:52You never cared before about losing.
00:05:55Don't get me wrong, I'm happy.
00:05:57You know that.
00:05:59I got my bats, my cleats, my glove.
00:06:02You know, that old Mizuno I've had for 20 years?
00:06:05I'm the happiest I've ever been.
00:06:08Except when I lose.
00:06:11You ever think, Mel,
00:06:13that maybe you don't know the difference
00:06:15between a hobby and an addiction?
00:06:18Well, I guess I do think about ball every waking minute.
00:06:22I even play baseball.
00:06:25Well, I guess I do think about ball every waking minute.
00:06:28I even dream about it.
00:06:31And in my mind, I go over and over every game,
00:06:34what I did wrong, how I could have played better.
00:06:38But when I play short
00:06:41and I turn the perfect double play
00:06:43or I get the winning hit,
00:06:45it's sheer perfection.
00:06:48You heard the one about...
00:06:51the one about Gandhi?
00:06:55When he died, they put his cells through a microscope.
00:06:59Guess what?
00:07:01I don't know.
00:07:02They all had smiley faces.
00:07:04Hey, are you trying to tell a joke, Doc?
00:07:07You never laugh or be funny.
00:07:09You couldn't tell a joke if your life depended upon it.
00:07:15See you tomorrow, Doc.
00:07:25♪♪
00:07:33♪♪
00:07:41Batter! Batter! Batter! Batter!
00:07:44That'd be me.
00:07:46Take your time, Jimmy.
00:07:47We'll just turn on the lights.
00:07:50Jimmy, get on, baby.
00:08:09Guy at third robbed me.
00:08:11You gotta make a good hit to get robbed, Jimmy.
00:08:14That was more like stealing candy from a baby.
00:08:17I thought about you guys yesterday.
00:08:19You know where I was?
00:08:20I was at the zoo.
00:08:22♪♪
00:08:29Mel popped it up.
00:08:31We're out of here.
00:08:33Teach him to look in the mirror.
00:08:35♪♪
00:08:39Why don't you guys break down and buy some uniforms?
00:08:43Hey, we're just not a uniform kind of team, Jack.
00:08:46We don't need no stinking uniforms to know who we are.
00:08:49And forget who are we.
00:08:51It's in the herd!
00:08:53It's in the herd!
00:08:55♪♪
00:09:03♪♪
00:09:13♪♪
00:09:17You okay?
00:09:18Yeah, I'm okay.
00:09:19Maybe I'll go sit a while, huh?
00:09:21I'm okay. I'm staying in.
00:09:23See that bounce?
00:09:25There wasn't nothing normal about that bounce.
00:09:27That thing came right up on him.
00:09:29You never had a chance, man.
00:09:31Time for some payback, huh, Will?
00:09:33Give me a second to catch my breath.
00:09:41No forfeit.
00:09:43Game is over.
00:09:47Come on, Mel. Go on in, Mel.
00:09:49Help of many.
00:09:58Are you sure you're all right, Mel?
00:10:00I'm fine, look.
00:10:02I'll see he gets home okay.
00:10:14If it's worth anything, I think you did the right thing.
00:10:19People get hurt when they get mad.
00:10:22Yeah, but I hate to forfeit.
00:10:25I know.
00:10:26I'm Sally Reed.
00:10:28We're playing on the next diamond.
00:10:30Oh, Will Fox.
00:10:34I coach the Hot Flashes.
00:10:37Oh, you're a woman's league fast pitcher.
00:10:40Yeah, I'm the home run.
00:10:42But I have watched you play.
00:10:45I have to admit, I really like your style.
00:10:47I mean, I'm not so serious like those other guys, right?
00:10:50Game's just a game.
00:10:52You keep the bigger things more important.
00:10:55Sorry, I rattle on.
00:10:58And now my team is taking the field, so I have to go.
00:11:02But it's been a pleasure.
00:11:09Yeah, hello?
00:11:11Will!
00:11:13It's Manny.
00:11:14Oh, Manny? Hold it. Let me pull over.
00:11:16Will, I just drove Mel to the emergency.
00:11:20Why?
00:11:22Will, he keeled over on me.
00:11:24What?
00:11:26He struck out, Will. He struck out permanently.
00:11:32A good man's gone.
00:11:36He's gone away.
00:11:39He's gone away for good.
00:11:42Where is she?
00:11:44Laura will be here.
00:11:46She had to pick up Mel.
00:11:48Mel was the best.
00:11:50A very good ball player.
00:11:52You know, we still need a shortstop.
00:11:55Give it a break here.
00:11:57Mel's very cold.
00:11:59Yeah, this is a memorial, see?
00:12:01Then we should be in a church like normal people.
00:12:04This is Mel's church.
00:12:10Here she is. Here comes Laura.
00:12:14You know, Mel had great lateral moves.
00:12:17Good D. Couldn't hit .500, though.
00:12:20Neither can you.
00:12:22I'm 11 for .21. What's that, wise guy?
00:12:25I'll tell you what it is.
00:12:27It's .523, and you can kiss my double wide.
00:12:35Laura.
00:12:36Sorry I'm late.
00:12:38No problem, Laura.
00:12:45Should we begin?
00:12:48But first, why don't we all take a moment of silence?
00:12:53If that's possible.
00:13:03Me? I'm having the traditional.
00:13:06You know, choir, casket, all the trimmings.
00:13:10You going down in the ground?
00:13:12That's where they put dead people, Barry.
00:13:15Yeah, they can't lay around up here.
00:13:18Must be dark inside a coffin.
00:13:21And cramped. I hear your nose touches the lid.
00:13:25In a box.
00:13:27What must that feel like?
00:13:29Well, then do what Mel did.
00:13:32Mel's not in a coffin.
00:13:34Poor guy, Mel.
00:13:36Doesn't seem possible.
00:13:39I wonder how much the dirt weighs on top of a casket.
00:13:43Mel and me, 163rd Street neighborhood,
00:13:47kids together, played ball all day,
00:13:51Saturdays, Sundays, four or five games,
00:13:55even after dark.
00:13:57Our moms came looking for us.
00:14:00It was heaven.
00:14:03How much air do you think is in one of them boxes?
00:14:06Ten minutes? Fifteen minutes?
00:14:09All right.
00:14:11Very good.
00:14:14Laura?
00:14:24Oh! Oh, my God!
00:14:27I got the whole thing!
00:14:30Look at my suit!
00:14:32Be careful where you step!
00:14:34Mel! Mel, I love you!
00:14:36Mel! Mel, I love you! I love you!
00:14:43Hey, Lenore, even at a funeral,
00:14:46you look like a movie star.
00:14:48Really?
00:14:50Laura, I'm really sorry about Mel.
00:14:55Deep down, I think Mel liked it best here.
00:14:58He wanted this to be his final resting place.
00:15:01Oh, I found this in Mel's wallet.
00:15:05Mel said this guy's a Marilyn Monroe wet dream.
00:15:10Well, see you around, Mel.
00:15:28You know, I know this isn't the time or the place,
00:15:31but we still need a shortstop.
00:15:33Yeah, I got a feeling about this season.
00:15:35You always got a feeling.
00:15:41You gonna have a beer? For Mel?
00:15:45Uh, hi, I'm looking for Larry Armstrong.
00:15:49Can I help you?
00:15:51Oh, yeah, I'm, uh, Will, Will Fox.
00:15:54You knew, uh, Mel Romeo?
00:15:57Yeah, I worked on Mel and Laura's cars.
00:16:00I was, uh, I was sad to hear about it.
00:16:04You know, uh, I'm looking for Larry Armstrong.
00:16:09Can I help you?
00:16:11I was sad to hear about it.
00:16:141962, 63, shortstop,
00:16:19and you should have been Golden Glove.
00:16:21You had 298, 17 home runs, right?
00:16:26Right, until I blew out my knee.
00:16:29Well, Laura gave me your name.
00:16:31Mel carried it around in his wallet.
00:16:33He thought you were great.
00:16:38Really?
00:16:40Played softball. My arc.
00:16:43Yeah, I played some, too.
00:16:45You know, you got a good pitcher.
00:16:47The ball's almost as hard to hit as the sinking curve.
00:16:49Oh, yeah.
00:16:51Your, uh, team any good?
00:16:53Well, yeah, we're competitive.
00:16:55Competitive? Any championships you ever go all the way?
00:16:59Any attire fixed fast?
00:17:01You do it quick or not?
00:17:03Just take a minute.
00:17:05Fill this out, mark down how you're gonna pay for it.
00:17:08Cash.
00:17:10I don't know about traveling. My wife, she, uh...
00:17:12Fixing my car or what?
00:17:14Well, you know, I can wait.
00:17:16I heard you win a nice ring.
00:17:18Well, yeah, it's a World Series ring.
00:17:21It's Vegas in October.
00:17:23Hey, you take care of my tire or what?
00:17:25I'm waiting here.
00:17:27Started the season already.
00:17:29How many games left?
00:17:31Look, I'm not gonna stand here and be ignored.
00:17:33Now, you know my business, that is fine.
00:17:35Goodyear is right up the street.
00:17:37Well, I mean, it's six.
00:17:39I mean, we win them all.
00:17:41I'm out of here, you know, and I can't tell everyone I know
00:17:43what a piss-poor business you run.
00:17:45Yeah, tell them.
00:17:47But you hit the road.
00:17:52Well, that looks like you lost a customer, Larry.
00:17:55I'm sorry.
00:17:56You know what I hate about this business?
00:17:58People think as you get a little grease on your hands,
00:18:00they have the right to treat you like a piece of dung.
00:18:02Well, not me, pal.
00:18:04See this finger?
00:18:06It was cut off.
00:18:08I picked it up and put it in my pocket.
00:18:10They sewed it back on.
00:18:12How's the work?
00:18:14Didn't stop me.
00:18:16Nothing stops me.
00:18:20My number is seven.
00:18:22Just like I wore in a big show.
00:18:24Seven?
00:18:26And I bat fourth in the lineup.
00:18:28I always bat fourth.
00:18:30Okay.
00:18:32You hit the long ball.
00:18:34Oh, yeah.
00:18:36I hit moonshots.
00:18:38Just wait.
00:18:40What's the name of your team?
00:18:42Kids at Heart.
00:18:44Kids at Heart.
00:18:46That's sappy.
00:18:48Bent over and passed a Vaseline kind of name.
00:18:50It says beat up on us.
00:18:52Wait.
00:18:54Okay, I got it.
00:18:56You see that movie Top Gun?
00:18:58Yeah.
00:19:00There's cannons, heavy loads.
00:19:02Got it?
00:19:04Yeah, got it.
00:19:18Shoot, shoot, shoot, shoot,
00:19:20shoot water, water.
00:19:22Shoot, shoot, shoot, shoot,
00:19:24shoot water, water.
00:19:26She's got a certain
00:19:28something about her.
00:19:30Big guns.
00:19:32Yeah!
00:19:34Woo-hoo!
00:19:36Piece of my heart.
00:19:38Let me get this straight.
00:19:42You want to make an official application
00:19:44to enter the league?
00:19:46Yeah, right.
00:19:48You're already in the league, Will.
00:19:50Except now we're gonna win tournaments
00:19:52and we're gonna go to the World Series.
00:19:54Look.
00:19:56We've known each other for over 25 years
00:19:58and you always
00:20:00have been in competition
00:20:02but you have
00:20:04never qualified once for the
00:20:06Senior World Series in October.
00:20:08Well, maybe it's
00:20:10Kids at Heart we didn't want to win.
00:20:12Now
00:20:14we have big guns.
00:20:16Alright, I get it.
00:20:18You're picking up a ringer.
00:20:20What's his name?
00:20:22Larry S.
00:20:24Armstrong?
00:20:28Major League.
00:20:30S is for Savage.
00:20:32You sure you want to do this?
00:20:34I mean,
00:20:36things are gonna really change.
00:20:38Yeah.
00:20:40And I'm looking forward to that change.
00:20:42Alright.
00:20:44Get your
00:20:46team signatures
00:20:48and proof of age.
00:20:50Back to me, SAP.
00:20:52It always amazes me
00:20:54how much you guys want the World Series.
00:20:56Seems to bring out the best and the worst.
00:20:58For instance,
00:21:00I shit-canned a 50s team this morning
00:21:02because the coach
00:21:04was offering $100 to each of them
00:21:06for every home run they hit.
00:21:08Can you get over what some guys will do
00:21:10for an $18 trophy?
00:21:12Yeah, and a ring.
00:21:14That's human nature, I guess.
00:21:16Yeah, Will.
00:21:18I was a mailman for 10 years.
00:21:20And I quit.
00:21:22Because
00:21:24I had this dream
00:21:26about this Senior Softball League.
00:21:28I had
00:21:30two reasons for doing it.
00:21:32One, because I wanted to
00:21:34make a community.
00:21:36Society is held together by laws.
00:21:38I knew that, but
00:21:40a community
00:21:42needs things like
00:21:44compassion,
00:21:46fairness, spirit.
00:21:48Well, sure.
00:21:50That's great, Ruben.
00:21:52Well,
00:21:54I was really small for a long time.
00:21:56Now we've got lots of players
00:21:58worldwide.
00:22:00But no matter how big we get,
00:22:04we'll always be a community.
00:22:08Oh, you want to hear what my
00:22:10second reason was?
00:22:12Oh, yeah. Sure, Ruben. What was your second reason?
00:22:14Well, I
00:22:16finally realized
00:22:18that no matter how cute
00:22:20all dogs bite mailmen.
00:22:26Good luck, Will.
00:22:28Thanks. Thank you.
00:22:34Yeah, you're gonna need it
00:22:36to get in the
00:22:38World Series.
00:22:40Nobody
00:22:42who breathes looks like that.
00:22:44Where'd you find him? A cryogenic
00:22:46freeze tank?
00:22:48Bill was right.
00:22:50He is a Marilyn Monroe
00:22:52wet dreamer.
00:22:54I know him. Played with the Cardinals.
00:22:56Larry
00:22:58the Savage Armstrong.
00:23:00Yeah. 62-63
00:23:02hit 17 home runs till he
00:23:04blew out his knee.
00:23:06Doesn't look like his knee bothers him.
00:23:08Geez. Will,
00:23:10you did great.
00:23:12This guy's a young-looking 60.
00:23:14Let me ask you,
00:23:16how old you saying he is?
00:23:18Because if that guy's over 60,
00:23:20I'm a freaking camel.
00:23:22Yeah, Will. You think he's legal?
00:23:24That's on his birth certificate.
00:23:26Guy must really take care of himself.
00:23:28Got all his hair, too. That's what counts.
00:23:30Man, I never
00:23:32looked like that at 60.
00:23:34He never looked like that at 20.
00:23:36Come on, Will.
00:23:38Larry's terrific,
00:23:40but he's only one guy.
00:23:42Yep. We're not superstars like Larry.
00:23:44Yeah. And what's with
00:23:46the new team name, Big Guns?
00:23:48What's the matter with kids at heart, anyway?
00:23:50Oh, nothing.
00:23:52You want to remain losers?
00:23:54Look, guys, I don't know about you,
00:23:56but I'm going to the World Series.
00:23:58I already bought the uniforms.
00:24:00Now, anybody that wants out,
00:24:02they can let me know.
00:24:04But if you're staying,
00:24:06you're going to have to grow up,
00:24:08and that means no more juvenile insults,
00:24:10no more potty talk, no more dorking around.
00:24:12I want 120% dedication
00:24:14out of every one of you.
00:24:16Okay?
00:24:18Ball's in your court.
00:24:20What got into him?
00:24:24Hey, everybody.
00:24:26I've already memorized your names,
00:24:28so there's no need for introductions.
00:24:30Will tell you we're going to the World Series?
00:24:32Yeah, he did, but...
00:24:34Barry, we're going to do it.
00:24:36Mark my words.
00:24:38Now, here's something for all of you.
00:24:40They're patches.
00:24:42You wear them, it gives you extra endurance and strength.
00:24:46What is it, drugs?
00:24:48Steroids.
00:24:50Nah, amino acids.
00:24:52We use them all the time in the big show.
00:24:54What's the show?
00:24:56It's the big league, Roy. Right, Larry?
00:24:58You've got it, Steve.
00:25:00We're going all the way to Las Vegas.
00:25:06Shoo, shoo,
00:25:08shoo, shoo,
00:25:10water, water
00:25:12Shoo, shoo,
00:25:14shoo, water, water
00:25:16She's got a certain
00:25:18little something about her
00:25:20Shoo, shoo,
00:25:22shoo, water, water
00:25:24She's got a certain
00:25:26little piece of my heart
00:25:28Shoo, shoo,
00:25:30shoo, water, water
00:25:32She got me tinglin'
00:25:34and I can't stop
00:25:36thinkin' about her
00:25:38Shoo, shoo,
00:25:40shoo, water, water
00:25:42She had me fallin' for her
00:25:44right from the start
00:25:46Shoo, shoo,
00:25:48shoo, water, water
00:25:50I'm glad to take her
00:25:52and I can't seem to stop
00:25:54I really ought to
00:25:56I'm just sayin' I'm ready
00:25:58I'm a mess
00:26:00I'm in love
00:26:02more or less
00:26:04Shoo, shoo, shoo,
00:26:06water, water
00:26:08She's really popular
00:26:10with all the fellas
00:26:12Shoo, shoo, shoo,
00:26:14water, water
00:26:16She causes whiplash
00:26:18wherever she goes
00:26:20Shoo, shoo,
00:26:22shoo, water, water
00:26:24Now that would make a
00:26:26morning whistle to this
00:26:28Shoo, shoo, shoo,
00:26:30water, water
00:26:32She is fancier
00:26:34than a blue ribbon rose
00:26:36Shoo, shoo, shoo,
00:26:38water, water
00:26:40She's got a figure that
00:26:42looks like it's Greek
00:26:44Shoo, shoo, shoo,
00:26:46water, water
00:26:48Shoo, shoo,
00:26:50shoo, water, water
00:26:52Well, sure, why not?
00:26:54Oh, no reason
00:26:56No what? No, okay, look
00:26:58I'm probably just imagining things
00:27:00but, um, I don't know, y'all feel different
00:27:02Well, sure
00:27:04It's the uniforms
00:27:06Yeah, yeah, the uniforms
00:27:10Big guns!
00:27:12Woo-hoo! Bad!
00:27:14Bye
00:27:16Hey, look at that!
00:27:22Larry, what are we doing down here
00:27:24Trust me, this guy's the best
00:27:30He got stuff you can't even believe
00:27:32What stuff?
00:27:46Good
00:27:58Zoom
00:28:00Zoom
00:28:02Zoom
00:28:04Zoom
00:28:08Here it is
00:28:10It's got a powder shell technology
00:28:12developed by the US military
00:28:14on that stuff.
00:28:15Army had a surplus.
00:28:17Bottom line, increased performance.
00:28:20They bought everything they had.
00:28:22These babies are pure gold.
00:28:24Give you at least a 130 mile per hour ball
00:28:26and an extra 55 feet fly.
00:28:29Wow.
00:28:33Who are you?
00:28:34Best bat doctor in the world.
00:28:36What do you need?
00:28:37Hand loading?
00:28:38Shaving inside for extra flex?
00:28:40Repainting of a banned high performer
00:28:42to make it look legal?
00:28:45But these bats are legal?
00:28:48Until they ban them.
00:28:50Right now, Zuma's the hottest bat
00:28:52that's just barely allowed.
00:28:54I haven't touched him, honest.
00:28:56What are you talking about?
00:28:57They're used.
00:28:59Hey, I'm a professional.
00:29:01I aged it, especially for you.
00:29:03You don't want a bat to look brand new.
00:29:05Oh.
00:29:07But how much are they?
00:29:11For my buddy Larry here?
00:29:15300.
00:29:17What, each?
00:29:18Each.
00:29:19We'll take a dozen.
00:29:21A dozen?
00:29:23If you want to win.
00:29:26Bam.
00:29:27OK.
00:29:30Like you said, a dozen.
00:29:37Woo.
00:29:38That's it.
00:29:39That's it.
00:29:40That's it.
00:29:41That's the way.
00:29:42I know what you got to do.
00:29:44Yeah, we corporate with these bulls all the time.
00:29:47These are the guys that hurt Mel.
00:29:49Yeah, payback time.
00:29:53Hold on.
00:29:54What?
00:29:55Bring it up.
00:29:57Winning run on third.
00:29:58Will, come on.
00:29:59Yeah.
00:30:01Hey, that's a good one.
00:30:04Go, go, go.
00:30:08They shouldn't have done that to Mel.
00:30:11That's Gary.
00:30:13First win, baby.
00:30:14First win.
00:30:21You all right, Stanley?
00:30:24You did that on purpose?
00:30:28Your team had it coming.
00:30:30Will, you really don't think that you hit the ball to Mel
00:30:33just to hurt him, do you?
00:30:36I don't know.
00:30:38But the guys think you did.
00:30:39And that's all that counts.
00:30:41Play and you win, or play and you lose.
00:30:46We just want to shake our blues.
00:30:50Play in the game, that's the isle some day.
00:30:54She's going to give you the news.
00:30:58Play in the game, that's the isle some day.
00:31:02She's going to give you the news.
00:31:06She's going to give you the news.
00:31:10Play it to win, or play it to lose.
00:31:14The blues, the blues.
00:31:18Sometimes you hit, and sometimes you miss.
00:31:22Maybe the devil will give you a kiss.
00:31:27Sometimes you got it, sometimes you don't.
00:31:31You got to call it either way.
00:31:35Play it to win, or play it to lose.
00:31:39The blues, the blues.
00:31:43Hit the ball out, or lay down a bunt.
00:31:47You got to swing early, meet it in front.
00:31:52Give her a smile, then give her your cap.
00:31:56Maybe that devil will give you a slap.
00:32:00Play it to win, or play it to lose.
00:32:04The blues, the blues.
00:32:08Imagine that you can strap your kids on.
00:32:12It's going to be a fine, fine day.
00:32:17Play it to win, or play it to lose.
00:32:21The blues, the blues.
00:32:25Play it to win, or play it to lose.
00:32:29The blues.
00:32:35Oh, yeah.
00:32:42Are you sure, Bobby?
00:32:44My back will.
00:32:45I can't take this kind of play.
00:32:47Doctor says I'm out.
00:32:53You sure that's all?
00:32:55Sure.
00:32:56What else would it be?
00:32:57You know, some guys got bad backs.
00:33:02It's not going to be the same without you.
00:33:04It hasn't been the same for a while, Will.
00:33:08Goodbye.
00:33:28I'm going to go to church tomorrow, honey.
00:33:30Do you want to come?
00:33:31I've got a big game in Tulare tomorrow.
00:33:36Dad, did you know what Friday was?
00:33:40I told you it wasn't important, sweetie.
00:33:42But it is important, Mom.
00:33:44And he forgot.
00:33:46What?
00:33:47Look at him.
00:33:48He still doesn't know.
00:33:49What?
00:33:50Friday?
00:33:51What was Friday?
00:33:52Your anniversary, which you forgot.
00:33:55I was in Bakersfield.
00:33:56He was at a game, sweetie.
00:33:58It was a playoff game.
00:33:59You know I couldn't miss that.
00:34:00It was your 20th anniversary.
00:34:02Oh, Chase.
00:34:03Sweetheart, I'm sorry.
00:34:04I'll take you out to dinner.
00:34:06I'll make it up to you, I promise.
00:34:08You know, you're not the same anymore.
00:34:11You're never home.
00:34:13I've got to go.
00:34:15Come here.
00:34:18Come here.
00:34:31I can't believe who the Dodgers have traded away.
00:34:34God damn it.
00:34:36Do not use that expression.
00:34:39What?
00:34:40What expression?
00:34:42If you ever use that expression again, you're gone.
00:34:45I understand.
00:34:50All right, all right, Will.
00:34:52Geez, it just slipped out.
00:34:54Will says that God's last name is not damn.
00:34:58I agree with that.
00:35:01I mean, I don't agree with things Will always does.
00:35:05For instance, the way he runs this team.
00:35:16Come on, Barry, let's go.
00:35:18Now's your time to shine.
00:35:19Let's go.
00:35:20Do something.
00:35:27I was slow as you at hitchhike.
00:35:29Good one, honey.
00:35:31Hey, leave him alone.
00:35:32Give him some respect.
00:35:34He just hit a triple.
00:35:35Hey, not funny.
00:35:36Definitely not funny.
00:35:38You sound like a rube.
00:35:40Get a grip.
00:35:46How's it going, guys?
00:35:48How's everyone doing?
00:35:49You guys got anything to drink yet?
00:35:51Has anyone ever helped you?
00:35:52No.
00:35:53No menus, no nothing?
00:35:54First week, actually.
00:35:56Yeah, it's a little rough.
00:35:57But as you guys can see, it's really busy right now.
00:35:59I'll be with you in a minute.
00:36:02So I walk up to the car, see, and she rolls down the window.
00:36:07And guess what?
00:36:09She's got her skirt hiked up so high.
00:36:11She's got everything south of the border exposed.
00:36:15I mean, I'm looking from Nebraska to Mexico.
00:36:20I really don't like your mouth.
00:36:22Josh, I'm not here.
00:36:24Come on, you're in a lawsuit.
00:36:26It's not worth it.
00:36:28Come on, let's just go.
00:36:30Come on.
00:36:31Come on.
00:36:32Come on.
00:36:33Come on.
00:36:34Come on.
00:36:35Come on.
00:36:36Come on.
00:36:37Come on.
00:36:46Woo, what ate him?
00:36:49I saw that guy on TV.
00:36:50He's a professional wrestler.
00:36:53Professionals don't fight amateurs.
00:36:55They got too much to lose.
00:36:58But, Larry, are you trying to make a point that we're amateurs?
00:37:02Will, let it go.
00:37:04Let it go.
00:37:05No.
00:37:06What I'm saying is that we will not get to the real series unless we make some changes.
00:37:12Like losing some players.
00:37:14Like we did that Bobby Morelli.
00:37:16Look, Bobby Morelli bowed out because of his back.
00:37:19Everybody knows that.
00:37:20Whatever.
00:37:21He should have been gone long ago.
00:37:22And there's some others who need to bow out, too.
00:37:26Just who do you have in mind, Larry?
00:37:28They know who they are.
00:37:30Anybody not hitting 600 or better is not tournament material, end of story.
00:37:36Guess that'd be me, for one, Larry.
00:37:39Hey, no hard feelings, guys.
00:37:42Jimmy and Rory average an inning of outs per game.
00:37:46We're entering the playoffs.
00:37:49I've seen the level of players we're going to face.
00:37:53And I say that we started this together and we're going to finish it together.
00:37:57Hey, Will.
00:37:58This is not personal.
00:37:59If you want to win, we need to make changes.
00:38:03I think we're doing all right.
00:38:06I got two buddies, Andy Dupar, Randy Adams.
00:38:12They both made Triple-A, got great power.
00:38:14You're going to love these guys.
00:38:15Well, it's not going to work, Larry, because they were not rostered when we qualified.
00:38:21I got that figured out.
00:38:24Bobby and Mel are gone.
00:38:25We're bringing them in under the medical injury clause.
00:38:27There are two openings.
00:38:29What do you say about that, Will?
00:38:32I say that we're not out to win at all costs here.
00:38:37Well, maybe we need to have a new manager.
00:38:42You know, someone who's not afraid of a little competition.
00:38:48Maybe Larry's right.
00:38:50We're going to face tougher teams.
00:38:52Yeah, maybe we ought to shift gears here, Will.
00:38:55After all, we got a real shot.
00:38:59This is, is that what you guys want?
00:39:02You said you wanted to go to the World Series, Will.
00:39:07All right.
00:39:10I won't stop you.
00:39:24Andy, it's Larry.
00:39:26It's a go.
00:39:29Call Randy, you're both on.
00:39:31Yeah.
00:39:51Shots, my man.
00:39:52We've got reinforcements.
00:39:54Yes, yes, yes.
00:40:01Well, I don't ever bat sixth.
00:40:14What is this, some kind of mistake here?
00:40:16I always bat fifth.
00:40:19Well, there's the man to talk to, Mac.
00:40:26He's not the manager I am, and I say you bat sixth today.
00:40:30Randy's three, I bat four, Andy's five.
00:40:34I'm out of here.
00:40:35Nobody bats me sixth.
00:40:38Quit whining.
00:40:39You bat where I tell you to bat.
00:40:40I run this team.
00:40:42You don't know nothing about ball.
00:40:44Nobody bats me sixth.
00:40:45Whoa!
00:41:00Big guns gonna come after you.
00:41:04Big guns, we know what to do with our big guns.
00:41:11$300.
00:41:30Go for it, Randy, run!
00:41:40I can't.
00:41:41I think my leg fell off.
00:41:42Yeah, he's drinking again.
00:41:44Yeah, like a tuna.
00:41:57I don't know how you drink that stuff
00:41:58and still get up and play in the morning.
00:42:02You know, it's nothing like a little vodka
00:42:06to cleanse the palate.
00:42:09Yeah, well, you better show up ready to play tomorrow.
00:42:13When was I ever unable to play?
00:42:15Today.
00:42:18Oh, yeah.
00:42:19Yeah, but it was hot.
00:42:21I mean, it was Death Valley hot, man, 120
00:42:24freaking degrees in the shade.
00:42:26I had heat exhaustion.
00:42:29And besides, I left a leg back there.
00:42:31Yeah, puked all over the field.
00:42:33They had to delay the game to clean it up.
00:42:38Hey, Larry!
00:42:40Hey, Larry, want a beer?
00:42:42No thanks, Rick, never drank.
00:42:45Listen, Steve, if you were swinging for the fence today,
00:42:49just relax.
00:42:51Well, I was batting last.
00:42:52I guess I'm just trying too hard.
00:42:55Well, just keep trying to get past first base.
00:42:58You did good, Stevie, two for four.
00:43:01Hey, Larry kind of did OK.
00:43:04Four for four out there today?
00:43:07Keep trying, guy.
00:43:10Green rises to the top, right, Will?
00:43:14You know, I admire the fact that you're still hanging around
00:43:18after what happened to you.
00:43:22Well, I started this team, Larry,
00:43:24so I'd like my ring, too.
00:43:27Yeah.
00:43:35Hi, honey bun, going to get some sun?
00:43:39Sir, have time?
00:43:43Don't get it in my hair.
00:43:48Got to say it again, Steve, you're one lucky guy.
00:43:52Drool attracts flies.
00:43:55You got to admit, she's something to look at.
00:43:58She's pretty smart, too.
00:44:00Hey, teammates and girlfriends are bad business, Rick.
00:44:04Don't worry about me, coach.
00:44:05I'm here to play.
00:44:07That's what we're worried about.
00:44:11I have to go to the little girl's room.
00:44:13Right over there, honey.
00:44:16Maybe I should wait.
00:44:18No, I have to go now.
00:44:23Come on.
00:44:37Where you going, toe dies?
00:44:39Hey, I got to take a leak.
00:44:41You want to come watch me mirror head?
00:44:48Hey, Will.
00:44:50We're going for ice cream.
00:44:51You want to come along?
00:44:57Maybe some other time.
00:45:07Steve's suspicious.
00:45:09He should be.
00:45:21Look at those tight little tushies.
00:45:35Hot! What a field of hot butts!
00:45:38You play with hot flashes? At Sally's team?
00:45:42You know Sally?
00:45:44Well, yeah, we met. I'm Will Fox.
00:45:48Oh, so you're Fox?
00:45:52Yeah. Is Sally around?
00:45:56Around? Yeah, Sally's around.
00:45:59See you, Fox.
00:46:01Later.
00:46:13Sally.
00:46:14Hi, Will.
00:46:16You look great.
00:46:19You know what? Word gets out.
00:46:23About what?
00:46:24Can we talk?
00:46:28So, how is he?
00:46:30Will you join me?
00:46:32I don't drink.
00:46:34Never?
00:46:36Not in four years.
00:46:38I was drunk when Elizabeth was killed.
00:46:42So you blame yourself.
00:46:46Elizabeth wanted to drive and I wouldn't let her.
00:46:51It's just something I have to live with myself.
00:46:54Live? You're like the walking dead.
00:46:59Now, listen, Will, I'm sorry, but...
00:47:03what I have to tell you has no spin on it.
00:47:08What?
00:47:09You have underage players on your team.
00:47:13You're sure?
00:47:15No, but it's enough of a complaint from the other teams
00:47:19that the senior softball administration is investigating.
00:47:23So, no, listen, bottom line here, Will,
00:47:25is that the other coaches think you play some dirty ball?
00:47:28Okay, I admit that we get a little rowdy.
00:47:30I mean, I'm surprised at it myself.
00:47:32I mean, all these years we're playing together and...
00:47:37it just got too intense.
00:47:40That's bullshit.
00:47:43What's happening to you, Will?
00:47:47You can't want to win this bad.
00:47:50This isn't about winning.
00:47:52I got a chance to feel good about myself again,
00:47:55and I'm going to take it.
00:47:58But this isn't just about you, Will.
00:48:01You have a whole team to think about.
00:48:06I'm no longer the coach.
00:48:09I got fired.
00:48:12That also means you forgot what's right?
00:48:16You know what?
00:48:18I guess I had you figured out wrong.
00:48:22Goodbye, Will.
00:48:23Wait a minute, Sally.
00:48:37Hey, Larry, where's your Andy and Randy?
00:48:39How do we need them?
00:48:42Don't worry about it.
00:48:43Like I told you, they're out of time on business.
00:48:46Oh, business?
00:48:47Yeah, business.
00:48:48Win it for us!
00:48:50Come on, Barry, put three down.
00:48:52Let's go.
00:48:53Do it now.
00:48:54We need you.
00:48:55Come on.
00:48:56Focus.
00:48:57Come on.
00:48:58Come on.
00:48:59Come on.
00:49:00Come on.
00:49:01Come on.
00:49:02Come on.
00:49:03Come on.
00:49:04Come on.
00:49:05Come on.
00:49:09Hey, Tom, you're on deck.
00:49:10Go swing.
00:49:12No need to after Barry hits this one.
00:49:15Yeah, I wouldn't count on it.
00:49:25Larry battered him eight.
00:49:26Right where we needed him.
00:49:28Oh, yeah, Larry and his crystal ball, huh?
00:49:30Come on, Bill.
00:49:33Come on, Barry, you can do it, you can do it.
00:49:47Come on, Barry, come on, move it, move it.
00:49:48Gotta be a perfect throw, let's go, go, go.
00:49:49Yes.
00:49:50Yeah, not bad for an heir.
00:49:52I knew it was there.
00:49:53Who scored that?
00:49:54In-park home run, Barry, and it was beautiful.
00:49:55I don't think so.
00:49:56The right center fielder got his glove on it.
00:49:57It was a home run.
00:49:58I rule we put in a book as an error, all the way.
00:49:59Looks like it's the big E, Barry.
00:50:00Don't worry about it, Barry.
00:50:01Ever since Randy and Andy joined this team,
00:50:02well, it's about time one of us joined the team.
00:50:03I mean, it's a team.
00:50:04It's a team.
00:50:05It's a team.
00:50:06It's a team.
00:50:07It's a team.
00:50:08It's a team.
00:50:09It's a team.
00:50:10It's a team.
00:50:11It's a team.
00:50:12It's a team.
00:50:13It's a team.
00:50:14It's a team.
00:50:15It's a team.
00:50:16Damn.
00:50:17Don't worry about it, Barry.
00:50:22Ever since Randy and Andy joined this team,
00:50:23well, it's about time one of us did something.
00:50:25I don't even know us anymore.
00:50:26We used to have generous hearts.
00:50:27Yeah, it doesn't matter.
00:50:29You did it.
00:50:30Come on.
00:50:31We won.
00:50:32We did it.
00:50:33You guys, let's focus on a real series.
00:50:35You played a great game.
00:50:36We're going to Las Vegas.
00:50:37Let's do the walk.
00:50:38They're waiting.
00:50:43I know what you did behind my back, you turd.
00:50:45If you can't control your woman, it's not my fault.
00:51:15Hey guys! We made it! We're here! We're in the World Series!
00:51:36Yeah!
00:51:37I can't believe we did this!
00:51:39We didn't do this.
00:51:42I better go check us in.
00:52:03Fox! Hey!
00:52:06Hey John!
00:52:08You know, you're giving senior softball a bad name here.
00:52:11What is that supposed to mean?
00:52:13Oh, I don't know. Suppose you tell me.
00:52:16You know, you're a sore loser, John. You've always been.
00:52:20True, I don't like to lose. But other teams play decent. They're gentlemen. They don't cheat.
00:52:26What is that supposed to mean?
00:52:28As if you didn't know.
00:52:35This is it.
00:52:36Where they play the World Series.
00:52:38Those fences are blue monsters.
00:52:41That diamond, it's huge too.
00:52:44That's because it's a freaking baseball park.
00:52:46You're right. Look at those fences. They're over 400 feet.
00:52:49No problem.
00:52:50Not for you, maybe.
00:52:52Are you sure this is where we're going to play?
00:52:54They use it every year for the Senior World Series. As sacred as Yankee Stadium.
00:52:59You've been here before, Larry?
00:53:02In my dreams, Andy. In my dreams.
00:53:05Now I'm here.
00:53:08I just think we're going to win it.
00:53:10This place is for champions. It's special.
00:53:13Look, we start tomorrow. It's going to be great.
00:53:17We drew the desert storm first.
00:53:20Were they the current world champions?
00:53:22They were.
00:53:26Hey Maestro, where's your dish?
00:53:28Not here. You want to know why?
00:53:30Yeah, what?
00:53:32We split up, you backstabbing piece of slime scum.
00:53:35Hey, maybe I just like to give a girl a little satisfaction.
00:53:38It's not getting any better.
00:53:42That's good.
00:53:44Let him go at it.
00:53:47Taste blood.
00:53:49Just like in a big show.
00:53:52Get some rest.
00:53:54Meet you at 8 a.m. sharp.
00:54:03What are you looking surprised for?
00:54:06You made this mess.
00:54:32I'm sorry.
00:55:03Hey, you too, huh, Will?
00:55:06You're like the older I get, the more I gotta go.
00:55:09I need to know if we're carrying legal players, Larry.
00:55:13You saw my birth certificate. It says I'm 60.
00:55:15I could play at 60, can't I?
00:55:17Did you doctor your birth certificate, Larry?
00:55:20Watch it, Will. That's a cheap shot.
00:55:22Answer me. Answer me.
00:55:25The answer's no.
00:55:28Hello?
00:55:30People use us as examples.
00:55:42What about your land name, Randy?
00:55:44They're legal, too.
00:55:46All right, that's enough.
00:55:48You want to stick around to play it by ear, remember.
00:55:50You're not ready to see me.
00:55:52You're not gonna believe what I'm hearing here.
00:55:54You gotta hold on.
00:55:56I asked you a question.
00:55:58What about Andy and Randy?
00:56:00What about... Look, I know they're underage.
00:56:02Did you falsify their documents?
00:56:04We'll drop them, but we'll keep on playing.
00:56:07I need this.
00:56:09Stop being a quitter.
00:56:13I won't lie to you, Larry.
00:56:2044 or 47, what's it to you?
00:56:29We had it.
00:56:32You had it.
00:56:35Why? Why?
00:56:38You wouldn't understand.
00:56:41You didn't need this.
00:56:43You didn't need to win like I did.
00:56:46I was a can't-miss first-round draft choice.
00:56:50My rookie year, I had the highest batting average.
00:56:54The most home runs, most rubs batted in.
00:56:57The best felting percentage, the slugging percentage.
00:57:01And I didn't win the rookie of the year award.
00:57:05Some guy from the Dominican Republic with an infectious kiss-ass smile did.
00:57:11I was robbed.
00:57:14But you know, I had a son.
00:57:18That is how he died.
00:57:21His name was Robert.
00:57:25I was supposed to pick him up from school.
00:57:28And I was late.
00:57:34I feel responsible.
00:57:37It's eating me.
00:57:40My wife's going to leave me.
00:57:43She says I don't have any feeling anymore.
00:57:47That I can't...
00:57:49Just can't reach out.
00:57:52She's scared of me.
00:57:54She says that the anger that I have inside me is boiling.
00:57:59Makes her scared. She's scared of my wife.
00:58:02She's going to divorce me.
00:58:05Everything's gone.
00:58:09I'm sinking like in quicksand.
00:58:15Will.
00:58:19This was my last chance to win something.
00:58:24I need this.
00:58:33I never got to be what I knew I could have been.
00:58:38Come on.
00:58:49Will.
00:58:52Did you tell anybody what I said or did here today?
00:58:57I'll pound you in the ground like a spike.
00:59:01You're a quitter.
00:59:03You're a loser. You're nothing.
00:59:05You came after me, Will.
00:59:09Dear God, help me.
00:59:39I love you.
01:00:04Me, Will.
01:00:07Another World Series.
01:00:11Still the same old paperwork.
01:00:19John said you called him.
01:00:22Said you got something to tell us.
01:00:24Right.
01:00:28The big guns team is illegal.
01:00:31Yeah, we already knew that.
01:00:33You do?
01:00:38I won't know anything, Larry.
01:00:454447, what's it to you?
01:00:53You should have checked who else was in the bathroom.
01:00:57I guess the question for me is, Will,
01:01:01when did you know about him?
01:01:05I had my suspicions.
01:01:07Yeah, and yet you did nothing about it.
01:01:10No.
01:01:12I guess the good news is
01:01:14that you finally made it to the World Series.
01:01:16You're all set to play the defending champions,
01:01:19Desert Storm, tomorrow.
01:01:22Bad news is you're disqualified.
01:01:25And don't give us that excuse that you weren't the coach.
01:01:27You were the coach on record.
01:01:29It was your responsibility.
01:01:31You're trying me out to dry, not the whole team.
01:01:35I'm banning the entire team of big guns from playing for life.
01:01:38But why? It was all my idea.
01:01:40They knew.
01:01:42I suspected.
01:01:44Just like you did.
01:01:51I just don't get it, Will.
01:01:54Why do you wait to come in now?
01:01:56I mean, you could have said this
01:01:59when the whole team got to Las Vegas and got their hopes up.
01:02:02Why did you wait?
01:02:07I was chasing a dream.
01:02:12A dream.
01:02:20I'm sorry.
01:02:23I'm really sorry.
01:02:29It's not the highest scoring
01:02:32You don't have the biggest guys
01:02:35Some people call it boring
01:02:39But when you play it beneath blue skies
01:02:43It's perfect, perfect, perfect
01:02:47The game that I am high on
01:02:50Perfect, perfect, perfect
01:02:53A game you can rely on
01:02:56To be the same on every field
01:02:59From here to Maine
01:03:02To be so fair is all American
01:03:06That's for sure
01:03:09It's not the highest scoring
01:03:12You don't have the biggest guys
01:03:15Some people call it boring
01:03:19But when you play it beneath blue skies
01:03:25It's perfect, perfect, perfect
01:03:29Perfect, perfect, perfect
01:03:32Perfect, perfect, perfect
01:03:36Perfect, perfect, perfect
01:03:41We were eating dinner when John Tanner called.
01:03:45Yeah, to gloat.
01:03:48He said, hey, what do you know, we freakin' cheated.
01:03:51You said we're banned for life?
01:03:54Yeah, he said that Andy and Randy were both underage?
01:03:58Yeah, where's Larry, Andy, and Randy?
01:04:01They're gone.
01:04:03Oh, so you forfeited just like you always do.
01:04:06I had to.
01:04:08Look, how do you think I feel?
01:04:10I screwed up and I lost too.
01:04:12Big man, who gave you the right?
01:04:14You're not even the coach.
01:04:16Yeah, who made you in charge?
01:04:19We had a shot.
01:04:21You messed it up, you jerk.
01:04:24Yeah!
01:04:26You're off the team.
01:04:28You knew.
01:04:30You all knew.
01:04:32None of us were innocent.
01:04:34We all got what we deserved.
01:04:37And the worst thing is,
01:04:39not that we lost our shot at the World Series,
01:04:42but we lost our friendships.
01:04:50Hey, hey, hey, Roy.
01:04:52Now's not the time.
01:04:54Will was right.
01:04:56We all got what we deserved.
01:04:58We were ridiculous.
01:05:00Bunch of cretins.
01:05:02Come to think of it,
01:05:04we have been acting like nutcases.
01:05:07What happened to us?
01:05:09We forgot who we were.
01:05:11We forgot who we were.
01:05:13We forgot who we were.
01:05:15We forgot who we were.
01:05:17What happened to us?
01:05:19We forgot what it was all about.
01:05:22Man, we went bonkers.
01:05:26Yeah, who were we?
01:05:28Oh, man.
01:05:32Oh, man.
01:05:36You know, we were idiots, condom nose.
01:05:40Yeah, 1,000% butt-on-cheeks,
01:05:43elephant gas,
01:05:45bowling ball,
01:05:47snag my cheese.
01:05:49Oh.
01:05:51It does fit one of us pig nuts.
01:05:54Right, bean brain.
01:05:56Yeah, you been thinking with your little head there, jerk-off?
01:05:59Apologize to Steve, you freaking girlfriend thief.
01:06:03Oh, yeah, he's probably already got another one.
01:06:06Rick.
01:06:08Okay, big brother.
01:06:11Yeah, it's not cool.
01:06:13Okay, all right.
01:06:15This is hard, but, um,
01:06:18I was, uh,
01:06:20I was wrong,
01:06:23and I'm sorry.
01:06:25I forgive you, dickhead.
01:06:27But, hey, how are you and Lenora getting along?
01:06:29If it's any consolation, she split.
01:06:32She found out what wasn't in my bank account.
01:06:35Well, seems like we're back to normal.
01:06:39Let's go home.
01:06:41Hey, we have some business to attend to.
01:07:05Yeah, now what?
01:07:07It is our professional diagnosis
01:07:09that the doc here is depressed.
01:07:11Arrested in time.
01:07:13Isolated.
01:07:14Alienated.
01:07:15Removed from society.
01:07:17Mm-hmm.
01:07:18Fact is, Will, you got issues.
01:07:20Uh-huh.
01:07:21Yeah, we decided you got to change.
01:07:24If you want to rejoin the team, that is.
01:07:27You would take me back?
01:07:29No!
01:07:31Hey, hey, Will, wait, wait, wait, Will, wait.
01:07:34We all agree you can come back on one condition.
01:07:38You have to tell a joke.
01:07:40A joke?
01:07:43I mean, right here, now?
01:07:46That's right.
01:07:48You could just insult somebody, just so long as it's funny.
01:07:51Yeah, you can even make fun of my hair.
01:07:53It won't bother me.
01:07:55Concentrate, Will.
01:07:56You can do it.
01:07:58Look, guys, he's having a breakdown.
01:08:00He can't do it.
01:08:02It's okay, Will.
01:08:03You know, some people have it, some don't.
01:08:05Maybe you were born a quitter.
01:08:07No, no, no, wait, wait, wait.
01:08:11I'll try.
01:08:12If, no, your, yeah, your mother is so ugly,
01:08:18she could make an onion cry.
01:08:20Oh!
01:08:22Not again, Will.
01:08:24This is good, this is good.
01:08:26Um, um, yeah, if ignorance is bliss,
01:08:34then you people must be the,
01:08:37you people must be the ugliest people in the world.
01:08:40Pathetic.
01:08:42Dead on arrival.
01:08:43Hopeless.
01:08:44A real stinker.
01:08:45Hey, I got an idea.
01:08:47We want Will to change, right?
01:08:49Yeah, and loosen up.
01:08:51Because we're the kings of loose.
01:08:53So, uh, what you got in mind there, hippo handles?
01:08:57Hey, okay, okay.
01:08:59What causes humiliation?
01:09:01Confusion?
01:09:04Physical sweats?
01:09:06And a drain on your hard-earned bucks?
01:09:08Lactologist.
01:09:09No, love.
01:09:27Hey, guys.
01:09:29Okay, what's going on here?
01:09:30You guys were in Vegas in the World Series.
01:09:32We got disqualified for cheating.
01:09:35I'm not surprised.
01:09:37Hey, wait a minute.
01:09:38We drove straight here from Vegas.
01:09:41You guys came all the way from Vegas.
01:09:43Why?
01:09:52I think we said our goodbyes.
01:09:55Sally, it was Will who told the truth.
01:09:59Got us disqualified.
01:10:02Hi.
01:10:07Sally.
01:10:09You were right.
01:10:11After Elizabeth died, I gave up.
01:10:13Amen.
01:10:15Stopping someone as lovely and as wonderful as you
01:10:20from entering my life makes me a real loser.
01:10:25A real twerp.
01:10:27Dingbat.
01:10:29Lock it.
01:10:31Keys and bones.
01:10:36Sally?
01:10:41Sally, will you give me a second chance, please?
01:10:48What about your wife, Elizabeth?
01:10:52Someday in the future, I'll lie next to Elizabeth
01:10:55and kill any friends.
01:10:57Friends?
01:10:58You mean like girlfriends?
01:11:00Yeah, you know, like going steady.
01:11:03Steady?
01:11:05Well, okay, maybe mercy steady.
01:11:12Please.
01:11:15Shut up.
01:11:19Thanks.
01:11:20Way to go, Will.
01:11:21Good job, Will.
01:11:22Bye, guys.
01:11:23Bye.
01:11:26Who won?
01:11:28Oh, we, uh, we lost.
01:11:31No, Will, you won.
01:11:34You all won.
01:11:37Hey, not bad, ladies.
01:11:39Yeah, you got a lot of potential.
01:11:41Stick around, boys.
01:11:42You ain't seen nothing yet.
01:11:44All right.
01:11:46You know, one more thing, Will.
01:11:49When you're lying next to Elizabeth someday,
01:11:53I'll be next to Alfred.
01:11:57Alfred?
01:11:59Yeah, my previous husband.
01:12:02I didn't know you were married.
01:12:04Oh, yeah.
01:12:0618 years.
01:12:09He played second.
01:12:12I hit short.
01:12:16Hey.
01:12:18Hey.
01:12:20We need a short stop.
01:12:21You any good?
01:12:22Yeah.
01:12:24Just wait.
01:12:31How did your Alfred die?
01:12:34Turning a double.
01:12:38Did he make the play?
01:12:40You bet.
01:12:42With a smile.
01:12:44He died living.
01:12:48What a way to go.
01:12:59So, with a few additions,
01:13:02we were back playing for fun.
01:13:04Batter! Batter! Batter! Batter!
01:13:07Come on, Sally, you're killing us.
01:13:09Yeah, anytime this year.
01:13:11You know what? Zip your pie holes.
01:13:13Can't you see I'm busy here, you freaks in nature?
01:13:15Hey, freak in nature, not bad.
01:13:17All right.
01:13:18She's got a long way to go.
01:13:20You think so?
01:13:21Just watch her back, potato head.
01:13:23Hey, Mildred, you have class.
01:13:25Hey, Buster, remember,
01:13:27we have a date for bingo later.
01:13:29Hey, forget bingo.
01:13:30We're going to Paris, beautiful.
01:13:32Hey, I like your style.
01:13:34Watch out for him, Ruth.
01:13:35He's fast.
01:13:36I like that, too.
01:13:38All right, Sally.
01:13:40Okay, two outs, game tied, and the Saks are in.
01:13:44You want me to do coach?
01:13:46Go for it.
01:13:47Yeah, but wouldn't it be easier just to get on?
01:13:49Yeah, but our team hangs loose, remember?
01:13:52I love it when you talk like that.
01:13:54Let's go.
01:13:55Let us go.
01:13:56Come on, Sally.
01:13:58Come on, talk to us.
01:14:02You know, I got a feeling about next season.
01:14:05Barry, you've always got a feeling.
01:14:07Hey, guys, anyone need to remind you,
01:14:10we just got banned for life.
01:14:12That's for the big guns.
01:14:14And now we'll call ourselves the Krimpuffs.
01:14:18Krimpuffs!
01:14:25Boy, can she hit.
01:14:36Krimpuffs, that has possibilities.
01:14:43Yeah!
01:14:47Nice poke.
01:14:49Yeah, well, I always listen to my coach.
01:15:04Good swing.
01:15:13Good swing.
01:15:31There's neither a J.
01:15:35Bam!
01:15:43I don't even know.
01:15:46Is that better?
01:16:01Cameras are rolling.
01:16:05Definitely not funny.
01:16:07Oh.
01:16:10Shit.
01:16:13And I don't want any more dorking around.
01:16:20Just think about it.
01:16:22Winning right on third, Mel, come on.
01:16:24Did I say Mel again?
01:16:26Yeah, you did.
01:16:31Cut.
01:16:33That's good.
01:16:40Cut.
01:16:44That was real.
01:16:49Oh!
01:16:51Hey, Barry, everybody thinks we're pushovers.
01:16:55You're stepping on my line.
01:16:57Uh-oh.
01:16:59What's the show?
01:17:01The big league, Larry.
01:17:03Right, Roy?
01:17:06I lost it.
01:17:08Okay, let Mel talk.
01:17:10Tell us everything you know, Mel.
01:17:12It'll only take about 10 seconds.
01:17:17You think he's legal, Will?
01:17:19About what?
01:17:23Maybe it was teensy-weensy from the beginning, Mel.
01:17:26You ever think of that?
01:17:28Maybe it was teensy-weensy from the beginning, Mel.
01:17:31You ever think of that?
01:17:35Cut.
01:17:40Action.
01:17:46Wait, wait.
01:17:53Action.
01:17:55Hey, maestro.
01:17:58Hey, you got it.
01:18:00You got the girl in there.
01:18:02I told you I got the girl in there.
01:18:04World Series.
01:18:06Wow.
01:18:12That's hard work.
01:18:16No, I can't.
01:18:22That's good.
01:18:24Oh, man.
01:18:26Oh, man.
01:18:32Sounds like he's gossiping.
01:18:40Cut.
01:18:44No, no, no.
01:18:46Is it going to be a lead-in?
01:18:48Oh, come on.
01:18:50No, no, no, no.
01:18:52I didn't mean...
01:18:54I wasn't going to say...
01:18:56No, no, no.
01:19:02I wasn't going to say cut.
01:19:04Okay, action.
01:19:08Cut.
01:19:24Action.
01:19:54Now that we're old and we're gray
01:19:57We still like to play
01:19:59Grab a ball, don't be a chump
01:20:03Bruises, we get it
01:20:05Knees, just forget
01:20:07This is going to raise your lung
01:20:09And if you ask if we care
01:20:12About the thinning of hair
01:20:14And a big spare tire below
01:20:18We claw our back
01:20:20That's showing some crack
01:20:22You never told, oh, hell no
01:20:25There's nothing like baseball
01:20:28To while away the time
01:20:32There's nothing like baseball
01:20:35To keep a lucid mind
01:20:39Is that a crime?
01:20:41We're young and our hearts still today
01:20:44Denial sounds heavy
01:20:46We need glasses to help us see
01:20:50We're young and strong
01:20:52We'll still take on
01:20:54Wait till we put in our teeth
01:20:57There's nothing like baseball
01:21:00To while away the time
01:21:04There's nothing like baseball
01:21:07I'll play at 89
01:21:11Is that a crime?
01:21:13When it's time to check out of life
01:21:16Say goodbye to the strife
01:21:18It's my time to go
01:21:20St. Peter can hit it
01:21:22Like a son of a bitch
01:21:24And Gabriel can really throw
01:21:27There's heavenly baseball
01:21:30To while away the time
01:21:34There's nothing like baseball
01:21:38I play it all the time
01:21:41Is that a crime?
01:21:44Is that a crime?
01:21:47Life is too short to play golf