Everett Shorts vs. Hardstop Lucas Shorts _ Try Not To Laugh Watching Shorts Compilation
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00:00:00Where are you going?
00:00:03What are you doing outside?
00:00:04Oh, why are you outside?
00:00:06Mom?
00:00:07What are you doing?
00:00:08Baby?
00:00:09Caleb?
00:00:10I want a divorce.
00:00:11A da what?
00:00:12Wait, are you cheating on me with John again?
00:00:14Uncle John?
00:00:15Hands up!
00:00:16Oh God!
00:00:17Yes?
00:00:18Yes what?
00:00:19You got your hands up, now what do you want?
00:00:20You told me to put them up.
00:00:21What is this?
00:00:22You see, accidents like this can happen all the time, but here at Allstate, we make sure
00:00:33to turn those big mistakes into something that never happens.
00:00:38Look at me!
00:00:39Look at me!
00:00:40I can't find you, mama!
00:00:41Oh yeah.
00:00:42There we go.
00:00:43Why you ain't mop the kitchen?
00:00:44We have a kitchen!
00:00:45So cute!
00:00:46Hey!
00:00:47Who is that?
00:00:48Oh, no, no, no, Boxer, this is the neighbor's car, it's not even...
00:00:57Came up to me, what am I supposed to do, not pet it?
00:00:59You know what?
00:01:00I'm peeing on the carpet.
00:01:01No, Boxer!
00:01:02No?
00:01:03Then I'm pooping on the carpet!
00:01:04No!
00:01:05It's five o'clock!
00:01:06Why are you not sleeping?
00:01:07It's five p.m., I'll go to bed now!
00:01:09He never does anything, he's always in bed!
00:01:11You told me to go to bed!
00:01:12Lay your ass back down!
00:01:13Like, I can never get him up, he's so hard-headed!
00:01:16Yo!
00:01:17Huh?
00:01:18What's up?
00:01:19I am...
00:01:20You, madam, are the most beautiful gem that I have ever laid eyes upon.
00:01:21You both are!
00:01:22Would you do me the honor of being my bride?
00:01:23Uh, I don't know you.
00:01:24So, yes?
00:01:25It's a no.
00:01:26Oh.
00:01:27It's a no.
00:01:28I don't know you, bro.
00:01:29It's a no.
00:01:30Alright?
00:01:31I'm not doing that.
00:01:32I'm cool, I'm chillin'.
00:01:33Hey, guys!
00:01:34I found a witch!
00:01:35A witch!
00:01:36A witch!
00:01:37A witch!
00:01:38A witch!
00:01:39A witch!
00:01:40A witch!
00:01:41A witch!
00:01:42A witch!
00:01:43A witch!
00:01:44A witch!
00:01:45I found a witch!
00:01:46A witch!
00:01:47A witch!
00:01:48A witch!
00:01:49A witch!
00:01:50A witch!
00:01:51These were the good days.
00:01:52I remember this face.
00:01:53I remember it like it was yesterday.
00:01:54Coz it was yesterday!
00:01:56Bring me back my lamp!
00:02:03Then it's your first time being a hitman.
00:02:33I
00:02:37Think we have a sub what hello class. My name is mr. Burton
00:02:41I would like to start off by saying I'm not playing y'all games everyone sit down and Gina
00:02:45Yo teacher told me about you you like to cause trouble
00:02:47Try me everyone got they pencils and get y'all work done, and if y'all have any questions feel free to ask
00:02:53Look I finally finished my book. Oh nice the food lab. I like that name
00:02:58You just read the title no I didn't you never told me you were a witch I swear by the gods
00:03:03I would not lie to you my husband answer me this if you get it, right. I'll let you live
00:03:09Wrong and you die, okay?
00:03:12What's two plus two?
00:03:16Don't you Matthew which
00:03:20I
00:03:22Don't know how to read
00:03:24Yeah
00:03:26Don't you Matthew rich
00:03:29Hello, who the hell is this you called me? Who is this? No? I didn't I called Bob. I'm not Bob
00:03:34I know so give him back his phone. This is my phone look you got the wrong number now
00:03:38This is the right number you got the wrong phone. What's your name? Uh my name Daryl you line?
00:03:42I
00:04:12Don't know
00:04:18What's the answer to number one, I'm your teacher. Why are you next to me?
00:04:22So can't you cheat how you know I was gonna cheat you do this all the time
00:04:25Now call your mom again. You make me do this every week
00:04:28Mom, I'm not your mama. This is a piece of hut don't waste my time. What you want. Yeah, give me a law supreme piece
00:04:42I
00:04:52Can't bring it fine
00:05:05Wait Josh Josh
00:05:08Oh
00:05:09Josh sorry for the tardiness. I have some business. Let me go back outside. Why what's going on? What's wrong?
00:05:15You got a late pass they pass
00:05:17I'm the teacher and I'm a student now. We don't stay in the obvious. Give me your pet. No, this is my classroom
00:05:23Oh my bad. Did I ask all that? No
00:05:35Yo, yo
00:05:38I'll be right. I'll keep I
00:05:48Oh my god, I didn't know somebody else was in here my bad. It's fine. I just gotta wash my hands
00:05:52Is it okay if I just yeah, sure. Thanks, man. Oh my god. Holy
00:05:57It's in here. Oh my god
00:06:01I would like everyone to write a paragraph explaining what you did over your break. Uh, yes question
00:06:06No comment up mind your damn business. Excuse me. Why do you need to know what we did?
00:06:10All right, either you could do it or you could take a zero
00:06:12I think everyone in this class is gonna take this zero speak for yourself because I'm not trying to fail
00:06:17Yeah, knock if you're just gonna open the door at the same time. Yeah, but there's what do you want?
00:06:21Yeah, I'm trying to tell you that there's a what do you need dude? Just listen. There's a man
00:06:25Sometimes I wish I never had kids like there's literally no upside, you know, no pros only cons
00:06:31Father of the year. Hey close my door
00:06:35Caleb
00:06:39Caleb he left. Oh
00:06:41He tried to warn you multiple times. I was right here the whole time watching it here. You're a bad listener
00:06:48So so what happens now?
00:06:55What you doing I'm trying to tell if you can see without your glasses give me back my glass
00:06:58You have to tell me if you can see first, obviously, I'm looking right at you, but but you're not I'm not playing these games
00:07:04Now you're yelling at a chair
00:07:06You want to talk about this?
00:07:16Watch it. Come on back inside. How's it going? Hey, just just taking my dog out boxer. Come on
00:07:21Oh, wow, you have a beautiful dog
00:07:24Boxer stop. Can I pet him? Oh, no, that's not a good idea
00:07:28Okay, I'll just go. Hey, don't move
00:07:33Stop
00:07:36You need to put that thing on a leash, okay, why would you say that okay boxer don't
00:07:42Do it don't wait do it. So do it. No, no
00:07:48Done
00:07:50Done, you better stop playing with me. What are you talking about?
00:07:52My plate is clean while I wait right here until you finish it. There is literally nothing on my plate finish that plate
00:07:58What is there to finish that plate?
00:08:00What eat that pleat? Oh
00:08:04This is nice, I like this
00:08:10Nobody's home. We're good. Why is there a car here?
00:08:15I'm gonna check the house. All right, these are lids. There's so many colors
00:08:21Josh
00:08:23Josh Josh you good. Oh
00:08:25What happened we gotta run
00:08:40There's no gum in my class spit it out like in your hand what you think, okay
00:08:44I know the hell you didn't just put your gum into my hand. You just told me to do that
00:08:48I never told you disgusting ass to do this. I mean your hand was all up in my face
00:08:52What was I supposed to do like get your butt up and go to a trash can and then I was like
00:08:55I'm the chief now, you know
00:09:00Yo, they got soil yo, I've never seen one of those before keep her
00:09:05Yeah, I'm gonna need you to wrap it up and move somewhere else. You're on my leg on me and my family
00:09:10I've been living here for years. What are you talking about? I'm cut you off right there, but listen already called the boy
00:09:16My boy, so I'm you gotta leave bro, I listen
00:09:19I don't know who you guys think you are. But this is my home. What was that? Who's home?
00:09:24It's yours, that's right. And what's my name? I don't know Christopher
00:09:28Okay, Christopher Columbus, but everybody called me Chris ain't that right?
00:09:31So best start on the game you have 45 minutes begin. All right pencils down what's your test, please?
00:09:37I didn't even start yet. That's not my problem. What time went by so fast. I've been no one finished a test
00:09:42All right. Let's see. Hey Marcel. Did you finish your test? Of course I did and I order some Chinese food
00:09:46So now I'm just waiting for that
00:09:49I
00:09:51Remember the spelling begin shut the fuck up. It would dose it like just
00:09:56Dude, I gotta pee
00:10:01Is one of y'all ping no
00:10:07Cap Bella Hadid be like hey, bro, if you find us you're gonna like get it
00:10:14Dude what man is like five six max 120 pounds
00:10:19Oh
00:10:21Snap oh good. I told you I think we about to beat y'all. This dude sucks and he's sweating like he doing something. Oh
00:10:30Whoopi Goldberg looking ass. I know you ain't talk. I didn't know you could hear me how when you're yelling right at me
00:10:37Now what were you saying holy say to my face say to my face, I'm right here
00:10:42I'm finally done. I gotta tell Sylvester. Oh
00:10:46This is nice. Oh
00:10:48I like this
00:10:50Okay
00:10:52I'm excuse me. That's my art
00:10:55Nah, nah, no, that's a nice piece of art. Oh, thank you. I just made it today. How much for that 500 gold coins?
00:11:01Hey, that's my art. Shut up. Shut up. Okay. Oh god. Whose art is this mine?
00:11:09It's yours, that's what I thought
00:11:11What am I black?
00:11:14They don't know yet. Hey, I'm in gender male. That's right. Stay in your lane
00:11:22500 gold coins
00:11:26You think you slick what what did I tell you about drinking where do you see a drink anywhere?
00:11:30Oh, don't play me like I'm stupid. What the hell is this found this in the trash? That doesn't mean it's mine
00:11:35Oh, don't you lie to me? What you doing with this bite-sized ass water box?
00:11:39I keep telling you we need water to survive. Oh is this helping to survive one sip and it's gone
00:11:44Hey water is water. I told you to stop drinking in my damn house. What would your mom think about this?
00:11:49I don't know ask her yourself
00:11:56Teresa
00:12:00Mary Sylvester, you know what time it is, right? Yeah, I was actually on my ass curfew
00:12:04Why I was having cake with Elizabeth at her house
00:12:08You know, that's funny cuz Elizabeth was just tried as a witch two days ago. Oh, but you didn't know that did you?
00:12:14Which that week?
00:12:17That's so fast. I'm not Elizabeth. Is that it's a curse. What's that?
00:12:21First off the cap everybody knows witchcraft isn't real
00:12:23So why the fuck you accusing me of being away cuz I'm a man in the 1600s Mary
00:12:27This is what we do to be honest when I killed Elizabeth. I was just bored now
00:12:31I didn't like Elizabeth, but you telling me you did all that because of boredom. It's too far. You know what?
00:12:37That's actually a lot of smoke. I'm a head out
00:12:46So what you been up to what you mean like you still in school no, oh they kicked you out I graduated you got a
00:12:52Job, no because you're unhireable what got a girlfriend? No. Yeah, I ain't think so. What do you mean by that?
00:12:58I mean, do you do anything sports? No. Yeah, you don't look like that type. What's going on with you?
00:13:02So what you just like sit here and just play games all day. Look, I'm not playing this game. Are you yelling?
00:13:07I don't even know you whatever you don't eat much. Do you I mean, what are you trying to say?
00:13:11I'm saying you skinny obviously I eat when you look like you start when you look like whoopie gold
00:13:19Hey
00:13:21You startled me. What are you doing out here? My wife sent me to get some herbs for dinner. That's all together herbs, huh?
00:13:28Why I just said for dinner so to put them in your cauldron, huh? Or a pot maybe so you admit it admit what?
00:13:34That's your whoa. Okay. Okay. Okay. I'm not a warlock. Yeah, I know you're kind trying to make some potions, aren't you?
00:13:40I swear I just came out here to get some herbs. I didn't know I was gonna get prosecuted for no reason
00:13:44Really? What's your name? My name? What's your name?
00:13:47What are you looking at? Nothing, but
00:13:50My name's Jeff Jeff Jeff Jeff Jeff. It is common knowledge that if a man's name starts with a J
00:13:57He's a warlock now, that's some
00:14:01It's like day six seven or whatever of the quarantine and y'all know me I stay stocked up
00:14:06I stay stocked up to the roof with this. Oh, all right, and you know, it's a problem
00:14:10You know, it's a problem when I start running out of this. Oh, I shouldn't run out of this
00:14:14Oh, I went to the store. I'm at the store. Check the shelves. There's no there was none
00:14:18No, like I went to another store. What is this?
00:14:20What are y'all doing?
00:14:21Like I've never seen this much of a lack in this so like it is beyond me
00:14:25Let's check this out. Check this out. Look I've never had this much room. Am I piss soaps? Look at this
00:14:30I ain't got none only got like one two, three, four, five six seven eight nine ten
00:14:38Forty forty-two forty-two this soap and I'll save you including the joy only got like
00:14:44Mary
00:14:46Hey, look to me that you were writing something Mary. Oh, no, I would never I would never we both know that a woman
00:14:53I can write is a woman. I can do spells you wish of course, but I wasn't writing
00:14:57So I'm not a witch really then. What does this say beats me? I can't read. Hmm
00:15:03What's two plus two? Um, I don't know math. How much is it to what shape is the earth? The earth is a spear
00:15:11The earth is flat, what can I say? I'm a woman. All right, you live another day Mary you live another day
00:15:24I
00:15:48Mean I'm not looking at the menu. I mean my favorite number seven
00:15:51So give me whatever that is
00:15:59I'm the plumber. You call me over here to fix your damn toilet
00:16:03Oh break into the house and then fix the toilet. I wouldn't so what the hell are you talking about? I
00:16:09Don't know how but I think you can see me
00:16:14Dang nobody's home. We'll try again next month
00:16:21I
00:16:51Don't talk to my baby like he's stupid. He don't grow up thinking that's real English. Don't do that. I
00:17:09Got your nose
00:17:11What?
00:17:16Did you lose something no, I'm good. Thanks
00:17:22All right, hand me my baby, I think it's his nap time no, I think he's good give me my damn baby I wasn't asking
00:17:31Why is my baby's face naked
00:17:33Where's his nostrils? Look, I'm so sorry. I don't know what the hell happened. You're sorry. Tell that to my broken, baby
00:17:52Leonardo Leonardo Leonardo, come here. What is it a witch? Look, what is that? I don't know. I just
00:18:05Kebab kebab kebab
00:18:09Yo, Mary me and the boys are going to the tavern later if you wanted to come
00:18:13Huh? What is that? Oh, I called it flint and steel. It's like a new way of starting fires way easier
00:18:19Sylvester
00:18:20Sylvester
00:18:26All right, so let's start off with like a simple problem to start off our day, okay, so here's one
00:18:31Um, Johnny has 19 bottles of this soap and he gives why does Johnny have so many soaps in the first place?
00:18:36Mind your business David. Why are you worrying about it? It's my life. Damn
00:18:43Are y'all done? All right, so let me finish up my problem, please
00:18:47All right, so Johnny has 19 bottles of this soap and gives Gina six how many bottles of this soap will Johnny have left
00:18:58Hey Gina, stop your ass back. Hey Johnny, give her the dish soaps. It's in the problem
00:19:04I can give her some cuz I see her picking her nose earlier. Yeah, I seen that Gina you ain't sleep
00:19:10Disgusting so get your hand over here and get some soap
00:19:17Oh
00:19:18Hey, John, what the hell is that thing God I called it a car
00:19:22This is what's gonna replace horses replace horses. Not mine. Is he talking about Willis guys?
00:19:26This is way faster and stronger than a horse in a jump. No, it's a car. What does that thing even eat?
00:19:30It takes gasoline my horse these apples and that's a hell of a lot. This isn't a horse Henry. It's a car
00:19:35You know, if you ask me Henry that thing look kind of sus on God. It does not look sus
00:19:39I don't know man. That's not my sister. We're riding on God. No cap. No cap on God
00:19:44Oh
00:19:46You know, you should really invent something more useful John, you know, I actually did invent something else Henry really
00:19:51What is it probably as useless as the first one God call it a drop. I
00:19:57Like that hey, I'm gonna drop this letter off in a mailbox and when I come back I expect those dishes in there to be clean
00:20:14I
00:20:44Don't know man. That's not my sister. We're riding on God. No, it's a car. This is what's gonna replace horses replace horses
00:20:50Not mine. Is he talking about Willis guys? This is way faster and stronger than a horse in a jump. No, it's a car
00:20:56What does that thing even eat? It takes gasoline my horse these apples and that's a hell of a lot
00:21:00This isn't a horse Henry. It's a car. You know, if you ask me Henry that thing look kind of sus on God
00:21:05It does not look sus. I don't know man. That's not my sister. We're riding on God
00:21:10It is not look sus, I don't know man. That's not my sister. We're riding on God. No cap. No cap on God
00:21:17You know, you should really invent something more useful John, you know, I actually did invent something else Henry really
00:21:23What is it probably as useless as the first one God?
00:21:26I
00:21:29Like that Cameron
00:21:34Cameron
00:21:36Boy Cameron, you know, you hear me don't make me come up those stairs and you know, you don't want that to happen
00:21:42Cameron boy, are you deaf? You didn't hear me calling you?
00:21:46Then I tell you to vacuum the living room last night
00:21:52So now you're gonna look at me like I'm stupid, you know what get your ass up
00:21:55I should have do one thing and you can't even do it. You know what? I don't care
00:21:58I'm gonna force you to do it. See you ain't gonna do it. I'm gonna force you to do it
00:22:01I'm gonna force you to do it. I'm gonna force you to do it
00:22:03I'm gonna force you to do it. I'm gonna force you to do it
00:22:05See you ain't gonna hear me asking for you to do something twice
00:22:09And when I come back down these stairs, I better see all of this done
00:22:19Bro, you know how to get out of here, right? Of course. I've been out here hella times
00:22:27It is kind of dark though, come on man, you told me you knew this place I do when I can see
00:22:35Your man
00:22:42There's a man right there we can ask him for directions, bro, I don't think that's a good idea
00:22:46Oh, do you know what trail to take out of here? We're lost. Oh, yeah, of course. Of course. See he's a good guy
00:22:56Nah he tried to kill me
00:23:06I'm not touching you. I'm not touching you. Look at my hand. I'm not touching you. I'm not even touching you. You can't be mad
00:23:13I'm not touching you. I'm not touching you. See this games not just for kids. This is fun. I'm not touching you
00:23:19I'm not touching you mom
00:23:21Rudy stop messing with your brother. Why are you stressed out? I'm not touching you. I'm not touching
00:23:26Did you not hear me the first time I said stop now before I have to be some ass and you know
00:23:31I don't want to do that. I'm not even touching him
00:23:34Yeah, he's not even touching you so what's the problem stop interrupting me I'm trying to catch up on my reads see proof
00:23:39I'm not touching you. Why are you mad? I don't know. Am I touching you? No, I'm not touching you. I'm not touching you. I'm not
00:23:57Me as a upstairs neighbor
00:24:04You
00:24:12Versus my upstairs neighbor
00:24:33Oh
00:24:43Hey Ted Ted, come here the baby's about to say his first words
00:24:55Yeah, I have ears I heard it whoa what's wrong with you so that's what we doing this was all planned wasn't it Ted
00:25:01What are you talking about? Mama?
00:25:03I'm here to Lorraine. Where's Papa? Are you being serious right now? Does it look like I'm joking?
00:25:10He just said mama. Calm down. I can be like this. He said your name. Whoa, don't come at me like that
00:25:16Don't try to ruin a special moment special for whom cuz it seems like I'm not included in this
00:25:22No, Lorraine. Ted is not special. You know what? I don't need this. I got food in the oven
00:25:32So
00:25:33We got beef if we do speak up now, I want to hear it. What's up with you? You want to catch these hands?
00:25:38Okay, Everett. Why are we here today? Cuz I'm a cold-hearted bastard
00:25:42Okay, but we're here because you have problems expressing your feelings. Yep. Let's start with emotion. How do you cope with sadness?
00:25:48It depends on what makes me sad. Hmm. Do you have a girlfriend? I used to we actually just broke up a couple days ago
00:25:55She was cheating on me with my older sister. Okay, how did it make you feel when that happened?
00:26:00Sad yes, and what do we say when we feel like this? It'd be like that sometimes
00:26:05Hmm. What about anger? What makes you uh, what makes you mad? Probably the relationship I have with my father
00:26:11How's the relationship with your father? He sends me memes. What's wrong with that? All of them are about pulling out. Oh
00:26:21Why are you doing that it's how I keep myself from crying stop it weird
00:26:26Hey, can you help me with my homework? Sure. Let me clear up this table first. So what kind of homework I'll be doing
00:26:31It's mad mad
00:26:38So you need my help on this I mean I can use it
00:26:41I mean, but why do you need help? Like have you not been paying attention in class?
00:26:43I mean what you trying to say? I take notes every day. Well use your notes and do your own work
00:26:47I wanted your assistance. So you need me to help you. Whoa, don't get it twisted. Technically. I don't need you
00:26:53Know what the hell pick my work back up. I'm not playing these games. I'm gonna just get this
00:27:06You don't know math do you it's okay. I'll help you. So first off what's five plus seven?
00:27:13Okay. Do you know how many five is?
00:27:16Good that deserves a sticker. Oh
00:27:19Oh
00:27:21My god, our first time has got to be right here. This is a stairway though
00:27:25What if another person walks in and catches that's what makes it so exciting the fact that we can get caught doing it
00:27:31I don't know about this Mike. I'm having second thoughts. Why I've never done this before
00:27:34I didn't think my first time would be with a guy. I understand. I mean, it's fine
00:27:39We can just go home and try. Yeah, I want to do it. You sure positive. I'm ready a few moments later
00:27:48Oh
00:27:58How does it feel to have your first kill amazing
00:28:02You guys are probably like what did I just watch? I know you were not expecting that. Who are you talking to?
00:28:08Oh, it's nobody. I'm just super crazy
00:28:19I'm sorry, you're gonna have to keep it down. I'm trying to do my test and you're being very inconsiderate right now
00:28:28Hey, do you have any snacks or something like that too late already gave an Agena
00:28:32Oh
00:28:42Okay making these noises
00:28:44Don't let me find out who it is. I know y'all know but y'all not telling me I said no noises
00:28:49I meant no noises. So don't let me find out who the culprit is
00:28:54Okay, well must have stopped okay, well everybody get back to work
00:29:02Oh
00:29:18Yeah, but I'm having I'm having trouble breathing if you couldn't breathe you won't be able to talk just inhale
00:29:25Exhale idiots
00:29:29Did you child lock the doors and windows yes
00:29:32a few moments later
00:29:37He's awake, thank god, I'm on probation. Yeah, I thought we had to get the shovels out
00:29:46That's that trauma I got like 20 of them
00:29:59No you
00:30:01Marcus shut the hell up. Who do you think you talking to? I'm obviously talking. Oh, hey, mr. Patrick
00:30:07What are you doing in my classroom? I'm trying to finish this paragraph. You gave me paragraph. What are you talking about?
00:30:13What's the paragraph you told me to read to the class?
00:30:18We finished that book off last month
00:30:21Wait, you've been in my classroom for over a month reading is hard
00:30:24Look, I picked you to read that paragraph to the entire class
00:30:28If you haven't noticed the classroom is empty, oh you look confused
00:30:32Why is it empty you ask because it's summer vacation go home Marcus. No, you told me to read this go home
00:30:45You you you
00:30:49Came up with these words
00:30:52What's good, honey, hello you a long way from home, huh?
00:30:55Not really. My house is like five minutes that way you real bold, huh? Coming in here with them colors
00:30:59I don't understand you think acting stupid is funny homie. Nah, I'm actually like kind of slow
00:31:03This is snowflake princess territory. You don't belong here fifth tray fifth tray fifth tray black
00:31:08Did you just call me a racial slur fifth tray black gang? That's your gang ain't it? Oh, nah, I don't gang bang
00:31:12I don't believe that you just exactly like them. You must be a spy if I was a spy
00:31:15Why would I dress like the enemy prove it out each fifth tray has a black five tattoo. Oh good
00:31:20I have no tattoos on their balls. Oh, see I wasn't prepared to show my balls today
00:31:24Hey, I mean, I'm not making you do anything man fine, but it's cold out here. Just so you know that yeah
00:31:28Oh Brody, what's going on over here? Just checking if this guy's a fifth tray spot. He's good. He doesn't have the tattoo
00:31:34How do you know you haven't seen my balls yet? What's the tattoos on their face? Oh
00:31:38My mistake. That's like the fifth time. Somebody said you've done. Hey, uh, so like I just woke up, right?
00:31:44And I feel like something wasn't right. Something's a little bit off. So I look at myself in the mirror
00:31:48Look at this. Look at this. Look my lip. Why is it that big?
00:31:52Don't beat me up in my sleep like look at this
00:31:55Look, look y'all see that. I can't even zoom in. Look. I'm trying to zoom in. I can't zoom in
00:32:00Look at y'all see how big this is. Like I can see it. I don't even need a mirror
00:32:03I can see it. Like I can literally see it sticking out of my face like look
00:32:08It's blocking all of my teeth. Look you can't even see my teeth like dead-ass
00:32:13Is this puberty like my body's changing on me? I don't like it
00:32:16I thought I was done with this like look how big this is. Oh, yo, look how big this is like, bro
00:32:21I'm skinny. I'm skinny and before the weight goes anywhere else to my body because I be trying to gain weight
00:32:27It goes to my lip first. It goes to my lip like like bro. Look at this freeloading ass lip like bro
00:32:32I don't know where you came from, but you can't stay here. You can go anywhere else, but you just can't stay here
00:32:37I'm not playing these games
00:32:46What's up, I'm sorry what I can't hear you
00:32:52Get in the car, I still can't understand what you're saying
00:32:57Get in I don't get it
00:33:01Hi, I am making this video because I suffer from social anxiety
00:33:05If you see this video, please get in my car. I am trying to kidnap you and I am having a hard time
00:33:12Please get in my car. Thank you. Oh
00:33:17You want to give me a ride a ride home? Yeah, I'm good. I'm good
00:33:21I look like right here. So yeah, I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. You're good, bro. Thank you. You're a good person. I'm good
00:33:33Nah, it's just you I'm good, but if you want I could turn the heat up a little bit
00:33:36I mean if you don't mind turning it on that would be swell. All right, but look we don't have a heater
00:33:40But we have a Calvin. I don't know what that is. Hold up. Hey Calvin
00:33:45What's up, hey, uh, so you still cold right? Uh, yeah. All right, hold up. Uh, so he wants to know what you do today
00:33:52Seriously, I look I woke up this morning
00:33:54I made me some waffles, but I burnt them a little bit, but you know me I still ate them cuz I was still hungry
00:34:04Shut up for a second. Uh, I thought you said you was cold. Yeah, I wanted a little bit of heat
00:34:08Not the bake like tilapia. What is he talking about? Damn? Ain't that somewhere else? I'm not the cold one here
00:34:14Somehow it just got very cold again. So what you want me to turn the heat back on? Yeah, but I'm asking you
00:34:18Can you please put it on low this time? All right, look he wants you to finish your story
00:34:21But like whisper this time, but how is he gonna hear me? Just whisper. All right
00:34:25Um, so like I said, I went out and then I bought a scale. Oh
00:34:29Wait, what is this? I'm cool. Sure. What's this?
00:34:32Please I know how to do that to stop the cat
00:34:37That's not even the best of it. Watch this
00:34:40Boom, what?
00:34:42Mmm
00:34:43Wow, but a between magicians I'd say we keep this a secret cuz you know how people around here thing
00:34:48I mean magicians are different than witches. I'm sorry. What what I'm saying? Like when a man does magic it's magician, you know, it's fake
00:34:57But when a woman does it like whatever that was
00:35:01It's kind of sus sus. Oh, not not broke. This was fake too. No, I know
00:35:05I know you're not a witness man. Hey, come on now
00:35:09But I'm gonna go over here you going I'm gonna just go get something stay right there
00:35:13But you're all good with me. You're all good with me, Mary
00:35:21Hey, what's up? I'm here to talk about your grades. What about him to cut things short?
00:35:25You're probably gonna be taking my class again next year. What I don't understand you have done nothing in my class
00:35:31Wait, I've showed up here every day and I should get points for that. Look not even extra credit to save you at this point
00:35:36Well, I wouldn't need it if you actually teached
00:35:39No, you wouldn't need it if your dumb ass was just paid attention him
00:35:43What you call me? Huh? I don't know what you talking about. I'm telling my mom. I don't think you need to do that
00:35:48Yes, I do. No, come on. Don't be a snitch fine. I won't
00:35:52Mom, mom, what's up? How was school?
00:35:55Um, oh, yeah, my English teacher called me a dumbass. What wait, that's not nice. Why would he say that?
00:36:07Oh
00:36:13Mr. Patrick see I caught your dumb ass. Why would you lie? I trusted you
00:36:20Agent hey, how's it going? Good? You enjoying your first day? Yeah, it's surprisingly normal
00:36:24Nothing like you'd expect working at area 51, you know, I mean you work in the parking lot
00:36:28But yeah, it's nothing like the media picks it out to be there's no aliens in there. What is inside by the way?
00:36:32I mean, they only gave me clearance for out here. That's classified. Okay. Anywho, did you see anything weird?
00:36:36Come by here lately. No, good
00:36:41How you liking your first day we just had that conversation how did you do that? I just saw you it can take on human form
00:36:49Did y'all get it I didn't get to finish the experiment it what
00:36:55Agent the alien I think I just found it. Whoa, what are you doing? Sit me on that wild goose chase. There was never another
00:37:06I
00:37:13Alright so y'all got y'all assignment I'm allowing y'all to talk quietly to one another I'll be at my desk if you need me
00:37:20Hey, did you do the history homework Lucas did not just say no talking to my class
00:37:24You clearly just say because I wait didn't just say we could talk quietly and now you talking back. Call your mom
00:37:29What call your mom?
00:37:32Now I know damn well, you ain't got no phone in my class what you just said call my mom
00:37:37Didn't you hear him say that hand it over?
00:37:41No, I've never been so confused in my life
00:37:44See that attitude right there and getting you nowhere step outside my class. You know what I'm doing. I'm not gonna do nothing
00:37:49I'm just gonna stand here. I'm not gonna move a muscle
00:37:52You're eating in my class you're worried about me chewing gum look at your class
00:38:03Step on up and get your plate $5
00:38:06So my girlfriend just broke up with me and I talked to this girl and she said every time she went through a breakup
00:38:11She dyed her hair and she felt better
00:38:13So I'm about to dye my hair and see what that's about. I hope you guys enjoy the video
00:38:18I'm about to dye my hair and see what that's about. I hope I'm doing this right. All right
00:38:23So I'm not trying to get anything like too crazy. I'm just gonna try to get like a light brown. You just brush it on there
00:38:30Then again, I'm not trying to do anything crazy
00:38:32I know some people use gloves, but I think it's fine if you don't touch it
00:38:36I think I got all of it and it's already starting to burn. So I know it's working
00:38:41I'm only gonna leave it on there for like five hours
00:38:49So it's pretty obvious I did this as a joke, I mean I I thought it was just gonna get like yellow
00:38:55You know I'm saying I did not expect it
00:38:58to get this light
00:39:06Of course I know the trip is tomorrow I'm looking for my ticket as we speak Lucas. Yes
00:39:13Lucas
00:39:14Yes
00:39:16Lucas bro, I have to call you back. My mom keep calling me. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes
00:39:24Let's try from over here Lucas mother. I'm cooperating. I'm responding. Please
00:39:37Hello, did you hear me?
00:39:40Look, I'm not playing these games. Stop calling me
00:39:43I'm not playing these games. Stop calling me
00:39:46I
00:39:48I
00:40:11Really win see where who win you two of the patient just gave their sound wait what that's where I saw one go through that
00:40:16door ah yeah I didn't see anyone where'd the other nurse go oh he ran that way
00:40:23okay give me your gun just in case yeah of course
00:40:29aren't you supposed to be in a cell
00:40:34wait a minute dude I have a gun oh you found
00:40:38him how the f*** did he get a spoon shoot him in the leg or something I can't why I gave my gun to the other nurse
00:40:44other nurse what I'm the only nurse on duty what
00:40:48oh
00:41:03Lucas yes I brought the groceries in you put them up
00:41:16Lucas I'm hungry fix dinner
00:41:24Lucas
00:41:28read me a bedtime story
00:41:33I made up a cartoon where the punchline of every strip is ZOOEY MAMA
00:41:38Lucas
00:41:39what what does she want
00:41:41wait
00:41:44Lucas Lucas I'm not playing these games
00:41:47how does she know am I on camera where is it mom I know you're watching me
00:41:52Lucas what's going on
00:41:58be honest Jason there's nothing going on between me and your girlfriend Mike
00:42:01then explain why I asked her to drive me to your house the other day and she didn't ask for directions
00:42:05how does she know where you live Mike I don't know it's not like she's ever been there
00:42:08then why did I see her phone connect to your Wi-Fi
00:42:11when did it start when you first introduced us on my birthday she came on
00:42:15to me bro you could have said no not with that big old booty she'd be
00:42:18flashing around I know you're there so come out you killed him and now I got to
00:42:26do the same to you wait no you don't I can be useful
00:42:27how
00:42:31yeah
00:42:34yeah
00:42:38oh my oh my what a wonderful time
00:42:42been a minute since I pulled up outside
00:42:48wait I distracted him for you yeah but you saw me kill him it was self-defense
00:42:51oh yeah
00:42:56so there's no presents this year well it seems like every year somebody doesn't want to open
00:43:00their gifts because it's soft they be too soft though why waste my time wrapping it
00:43:03your gifts is over there what the hell is that do the shoes got bells on them
00:43:06what do you expect me to wear shut up before you don't get your last gift
00:43:10there's another gift yeah it's outside well what are we waiting for come on let's go get it
00:43:14wait you got to put your outfit on first you can't be serious
00:43:17does it look like I'm joking
00:43:26well what you waiting for open it
00:43:30oh
00:43:42seriously get on it I mean I really don't want it
00:43:45I said ride it
00:43:53be honest Jason there's nothing going on between me and your girlfriend might then explain why I
00:43:57asked her to drive me to your house the other day and she didn't ask for directions
00:44:00how does she know where you live Mike I don't know it's not like she's ever been there
00:44:03then why did I see her phone connect to your Wi-Fi
00:44:07when did it start when you first introduced us on my birthday she came on to me bro you could have
00:44:11said no not with that big old booty she be flashing around
00:44:16I know you're there so come out you killed him and now I gotta do the same to you
00:44:21wait no you don't I can be useful help
00:44:23yeah
00:44:32oh my oh my what a wonderful time
00:44:37been a minute since I pulled up outside
00:44:42wait I distracted him for you yeah but you saw me kill him it was self-defense
00:44:46oh yeah
00:44:48she don't have a dude hey bro don't take this weirdly but like you smell good
00:44:52oh um thanks what is that oh you know it's just water and soap what is that
00:44:59what is what you don't know what soap is um hold on let me
00:45:06um look I know I smell something but I didn't want to say anything about it but like can you um
00:45:12get the hell out of my house not until you answer my question you know what that's fine with me
00:45:16because if you won't leave then I'll leave because I ain't got no problem with
00:45:23you're not going nowhere well if I wanted to leave then I can leave
00:45:28okay is it really that serious okay look soap is a type of product that you can use
00:45:32just stop you don't get that chance no more now I want you to write me a three-page paper
00:45:36telling me the history of soap
00:45:39oh you must be crazy if you think that I'm going to
00:45:46after she saw it she blocked me so what does that mean wait hold up
00:45:51hello hey Jason hey dad what's up go ahead and start heading home because we need to talk
00:45:56everything good no oh my god I'm in trouble what the no he must know something let me think
00:46:02what have I done recently oh could he want this he found out about the baby wait no I took care of that
00:46:10hold up it could be a Moses situation though to think about it I don't think we ever found the
00:46:14what if he found out I'm the one that set that fire to that church ten years ago
00:46:18nah there were no witnesses somebody must have snitched it was mom wait no she wouldn't
00:46:23I have dirt on her too we killed my math teacher miss Adams together what can he know
00:46:28I could always just kill him Jason your bathroom's filthy do it now
00:46:32clean it that's it wait there was something on it he diced no no no that's it yeah
00:46:38all right
00:46:40actually I remember why are you searching up girls kissing on my lap
00:46:45what's the problem math problems oh I can help you let me see
00:46:49all right um here's the easy one what's six times three
00:46:53six times three I don't know six times three I don't six times three I legit don't know
00:46:58six three I don't know what is it what is it
00:47:02get your mom why Teresa what's the problem homework
00:47:07what's six times three I don't know six times three I don't know what's six plus six
00:47:12oh twelve now add six I don't know what is it what is it
00:47:17get your math teacher who mr. Patrick boom what homework I taught you this
00:47:23what's six times three I don't know look if Johnny had six times three amounts of this soap
00:47:28how much this soap would he have how much how much
00:47:37one two three four five six
00:47:44can I get a spot real quick yeah I got you okay what are we working with
00:47:47that's a lot of weight yeah I'm trying to hit my max today
00:47:50I'm sure you can lift all that yeah this is light and even if I don't you got me right
00:47:54yeah just tell me when okay we're going now oh my god you're actually doing it
00:47:59yeah let's go oh my god all right I got you I got you
00:48:03I can't breathe okay okay
00:48:11oh yeah I can't I can't lift it I can't lift that okay just stay here
00:48:15I promise I will not let you die
00:48:33hey you know what I noticed what that this classroom looks very similar to my
00:48:43grandmother's house I've been coming to this class for three years and I'm now
00:48:46wait got done oh and by the way I'm sorry to hear about your grandmother
00:48:54being in the hospital oh it's cool she just choked on a tongue piercing that we
00:48:58got her for her 80th birthday that's why she can't have nice things
00:49:01I'll wait well wait then our conversation's not over we're not done talking
00:49:05so stop interrupting us you keep saying you're gonna wait but you're not waiting
00:49:09preach no because that's pissing me off so sit your impatient ass down and finish your coffee
00:49:14well actually it's not coffee it's just I said it's coffee oh god
00:49:18come on this was my favorite shirt I said sit down
00:49:31oh my fucking god what oh why did you park so close oh my bad
00:49:42you good what's up with this is it finna hurry up what nothing why the fuck this
00:49:49girl always calling me yo can you take off your shoes don't feel like talking to
00:49:53shorty right now bro hey mom it's like I'm already stressed and I got this dude
00:49:57trying to press me all the time trying to lowboy me asking me to make him food
00:50:01what is that that's your six-year-old brother asking you to make him a
00:50:05sandwich I don't like his tone when he says how does he say it Joshua can you
00:50:08make me a sandwich he better watch out cuz one of these days I swear to God
00:50:14I'm gonna fold him you know what I dare you go ahead do it hey you need to chill
00:50:21out bro I'm gonna say that to me when you've been on ten all day what could
00:50:24possibly be happening for you to be mad all the time life I know your parents
00:50:30Josh you live in a loving stable home your mom buys frosted flakes from Target
00:50:44he's gone let's go
00:50:54everybody out I can explain
00:51:24you know everyone left right hey I got a gun chill I forgot my key I could kill
00:51:48you right now what I could kill you what are you talking about think about it I'm
00:51:54awoken by a strange noise coming from the kitchen at 3 a.m. I'm tired I get
00:52:00scared so I grab my gun as I'm headed to the kitchen no as I enter the kitchen I
00:52:06see a dark figure coming through my window so I shoot killing at what I
00:52:13thought was a home invader only to find out under close inspection that it was
00:52:19my son an accident of course nobody would believe that the cops would and so
00:52:25would your mom that's crazy well good night son all right your test is on your
00:52:32desk no cheating you may begin you're doing good keep up the great work
00:52:44remember to read each question carefully there's no room for mistakes
00:52:56see now that's what I like to see that's perfect I'm proud of you keep it up
00:53:04please take your time guys stop rushing that's spectacular I love everything I
00:53:21see on that paper that's stupid ah right on time guess what time it is it's
00:53:3212 a.m. which means it's currently February 23rd do you know what that
00:53:35means it's my birthday get up now get out huh get out of my house what you're
00:53:41a man now you think I don't know your intention what intention do you know what
00:53:44male lions do when they become men they steal the alpha's women and then breed
00:53:48them hey you think I'm gonna let you steal my women mom okay so you're
00:53:53challenging me challenging you for what you want to be the alpha I just want to
00:53:57be your son shut up you probably didn't know this but I took Taekwondo in high
00:54:01school you think youth is your ally you came out of my nuts prepare to die dad
00:54:11just wait a minute leave hurricane what happened I beat that what not you the
00:54:23wait isn't that water dog but I thought your parents don't like you drinking in
00:54:32the house so what you want snitch no all right then shut your ass up ah is this
00:54:42my tooth a piece of my tooth just came out wait a piece of my tooth just came
00:54:47mark get the hell out of my house I gotta go to sleep
00:54:53ah nice
00:55:12are you the tooth fairy um hey what you doing in my son's room
00:55:20What are you doing in my son's room?!
00:55:28I feel like I can make this jump.
00:55:30What jump?
00:55:31Right here.
00:55:33Where?
00:55:34There.
00:55:35You can't make that.
00:55:36Yeah, I can.
00:55:38From here to there?
00:55:39Yeah.
00:55:40You could not make that jump.
00:55:41Yes, I can.
00:55:42You can definitely make that.
00:55:43You would need a running start.
00:55:44You can't do that with the railing right here.
00:55:45I don't need a running start.
00:55:46You would jump from here?
00:55:47Yes.
00:55:48You can make a standing jump from here to there?
00:55:50Yeah, I would just Superman it.
00:55:52Superman has the ability to fly, Philip.
00:55:54You know what I mean.
00:55:55You're going to have to show him, bro.
00:55:56This is just a hypothetical conversation.
00:55:58He's not...
00:55:59No, it's not.
00:56:00I'm going to do it.
00:56:01Wait, really?
00:56:02He doesn't even believe...
00:56:03He didn't even believe me.
00:56:04Watch this.
00:56:07You got it?
00:56:19I don't hear him screaming.
00:56:21Hello?
00:56:22Hey, I need you to come help me get the bags out the trunk.
00:56:24Let me just get my jacket first.
00:56:25All right.
00:56:29Never mind.
00:56:30I got it myself.
00:56:31Seriously?
00:56:32Yeah, seriously.
00:56:33Because I'm not going to be waiting all damn day for you to get to the car.
00:56:36All day?
00:56:37I just got off the phone with you 12 seconds ago.
00:56:39You know what?
00:56:40Instead of you talking back, how about you come in here and wash these dishes?
00:56:42Fine, but let me take my jacket off now.
00:56:45Seems like I got to do everything around here.
00:56:47Can't even do the most simplest thing.
00:56:49How about instead of just staring at me, you do something productive like vacuum since you're out there.
00:56:53I guess I can do that.
00:56:57Crap.
00:57:15I don't even know why I bother asking you to do anything around this damn house.
00:57:25What are you doing?
00:57:26I'm just going up the stairs.
00:57:27Can't you see that I live here?
00:57:28This is a stairway.
00:57:29Okay, what about it?
00:57:32It's a stairway.
00:57:33Do you have something against homeless people?
00:57:35You don't even look homeless.
00:57:36This is Los Angeles, bro.
00:57:38Nobody looks homeless, even if they were.
00:57:40I don't know.
00:57:41Have you ever seen Justin Bieber?
00:57:42Dude, can you just take the elevator?
00:57:43No, I'm trying to get my steps in.
00:57:45You're not taking one step on my land.
00:57:47This is not Game of Thrones, bro.
00:57:49You can't be claiming random-
00:57:50You could have said that without the reference.
00:57:52You must be a nerd.
00:57:54F*** you.
00:57:56Hey, what are you doing?
00:57:57I'm just going down the stairs.
00:57:58No, this is where I live.
00:58:00This is a stairway, dude.
00:58:01Get out the way.
00:58:02It's my land.
00:58:03This is not Game of Thrones.
00:58:04You can't just claim anything.
00:58:06That's what I said.
00:58:07Listen here, you f***ing nerds.
00:58:08Might as well just take the elevator because you ain't getting past me.
00:58:12Yo, bro.
00:58:13What's up?
00:58:14If we rush him at the same time, he can't take us both.
00:58:16Hey, y'all don't want to do this.
00:58:18I got a knife in my pocket.
00:58:19Really?
00:58:20Or are you just happy to see us?
00:58:31Hey, I was wondering if I could come in and take some stuff from you.
00:58:34Who are you?
00:58:35Oh, my bad.
00:58:36I didn't mean to be rude.
00:58:37My name is Jonathan.
00:58:38How you get in my house?
00:58:39Okay, I'll tell you, but you got to promise not to get mad.
00:58:43I took your doorknob off.
00:58:45Get out of my house.
00:58:47I told you not to get mad.
00:58:48Put my damn doorknob back on.
00:58:50Okay, I can see that you're upset, so I'll just go.
00:58:54So, have you reconsidered yet?
00:58:57So, have you?
00:58:58Leave me alone.
00:58:59I mean, maybe you-
00:59:00Look, I'm asking nicely.
00:59:01Please, go away.
00:59:03He did say nicely.
00:59:07Hey.
00:59:08What you got?
00:59:09Before you get mad, I just wanted to say,
00:59:11I kind of took more than just your doorknob off,
00:59:13so if you don't mind,
00:59:14can you help me to put your front door back?
00:59:21Officer.
00:59:23I had a question for you, okay?
00:59:25How do you get away with murder?
00:59:27You're joking.
00:59:28No, I'm dead serious.
00:59:29You're a cop, so you should know.
00:59:31I can't really disclose that information.
00:59:33Well, how many years if I get caught?
00:59:35Like, hypothetically, like 15 to life.
00:59:37Not that bad.
00:59:40That's a strange guy.
00:59:41Sexy, though.
00:59:45Shit.
00:59:46I just watched him kill that man with a spoon.
00:59:49Uh-uh, you better not run.
00:59:50I will fucking shoot you.
00:59:51You killed a man literally five minutes
00:59:53after asking a cop how to get away with murder.
00:59:55Like, so that's what got me caught.
00:59:56You can come out now.
00:59:58This is the man, right?
00:59:59Yeah, it was him.
01:00:00I'd never forget that pretty ass face.
01:00:02Most important rule of getting away with murder?
01:00:04Not leaving a witness.
01:00:07Yeah, that's a plot twist, baby.
01:00:10Why are you so fucking excited?
01:00:12Because you just took care of my witness.
01:00:13What does that make you?
01:00:14Shit.
01:00:15Wait.
01:00:17That bastard tried to kill me with a spoon.
01:00:19Have you been messing with my toys recently?
01:00:21Why would I have been messing with your toys?
01:00:23We're the only two people in this house,
01:00:25which means it's not looking good for you.
01:00:26I don't play with toys.
01:00:28Look, I'm not playing these games.
01:00:30You hear them arguing in there?
01:00:31It's my fault they're doing that.
01:00:33No, don't blame yourself.
01:00:34It is my fault,
01:00:35because when he left the room earlier,
01:00:36I was on the dresser.
01:00:37But when he came back,
01:00:38I was on the floor,
01:00:39because my dumb ass went to use the bathroom,
01:00:42but I couldn't make it back to the dresser in time.
01:00:44I have to tell them the truth.
01:00:45You're so brave.
01:00:46I know.
01:00:47Wish me luck.
01:00:49Okay, so let me get this straight.
01:00:51Not only do you like to use my stuff without my permission,
01:00:53but you also lie about it?
01:00:55Okay, so how about if I went over here
01:00:56and started trying on your sneakers?
01:00:58Hey, you better not put your stank feet in my shoes.
01:01:00All right, just wait and see,
01:01:01and I bet I do.
01:01:02Stop it. Stop it, okay?
01:01:03It was my fault.
01:01:04I moved.
01:01:05I should have stayed still,
01:01:06and I apologize.
01:01:07I don't want to be the reason
01:01:09why this family breaks apart.
01:01:11Did it just do what I said?
01:01:13No, no, it couldn't have.
01:01:14Couldn't have what?
01:01:17Ah!
01:01:19Oh, this is nice.
01:01:21I like this.
01:01:23Yeah, yeah, I'm with this.
01:01:25That is a big TV.
01:01:35Shit like that, that pisses me off.
01:01:37Why are there so many?
01:01:39What's good, hombre?
01:01:40Are you one of the security guards?
01:01:41Nah, I broke in.
01:01:42Oh, me too.
01:01:43Shit, we're in the same boat then.
01:01:45Damn, that's a big TV.
01:01:47I sit the exact same.
01:01:49There's no batteries in the remote, though.
01:01:51Man, shit like that.
01:01:52Shit like that.
01:01:53So why'd you break in?
01:01:54I don't know.
01:01:55I was just bored.
01:01:56Heard it was easy to break into.
01:01:57Yeah, understandable.
01:01:58Why'd you break in?
01:01:59Ah, nothing big.
01:02:00I'm just going to kill Chris Brown.
01:02:01Why?
01:02:02I'm what you call a super fan.
01:02:03I love the guy.
01:02:04Shouldn't you want him alive then?
01:02:05Yeah, but I'm also like a psychopath.
01:02:07So reason doesn't apply to me.
01:02:08So how are you going to do it then?
01:02:09I got this gun.
01:02:10Well, I'm going to head out before I fuck pops down.
01:02:13All right, you have a good day.
01:02:14Ah!
01:02:15Why the fuck was it in my house?
01:02:16I was just chilling.
01:02:17Well, it seems like it's time for y'all bathroom break.
01:02:19Yeah!
01:02:20Bathroom break!
01:02:21I still wear a diaper.
01:02:22All right, all right, everyone calm down.
01:02:24All right, seriously, calm down.
01:02:25Shut up!
01:02:26Like, seriously, it's just the bathroom.
01:02:28So you know I'm going to have to pick a line leader.
01:02:30So who thinks they can take on that responsibility?
01:02:33And I want to choose somebody who hasn't led the line at least once this year yet.
01:02:38Uh...
01:02:40Rufus!
01:02:41You have never led the line before.
01:02:42You know what?
01:02:43I want you to stand over there and I want everyone else to create a single file line behind Rufus.
01:02:48And as you're all doing that, I'm going to look for my coffee mug because I know it's over here somewhere.
01:02:52Everyone to Chuck E. Cheese!
01:02:53Rufus!
01:02:54Chuck E. Cheese!
01:02:55Hell yeah!
01:02:56Chuck E. Cheese!
01:02:57Wait!
01:02:58Wait, what are y'all doing?
01:02:59Gina!
01:03:00Don't you leave this room!
01:03:02Don't you take another step!
01:03:04Don't you do!
01:03:09Well, damn.
01:03:11I wonder how I'm going to explain this to the principal.
01:03:19Are you the Ripper?
01:03:21Obviously.
01:03:22Yeah, that was a dumb question.
01:03:23I'm sorry.
01:03:24It's all right, mate.
01:03:25Who's the target?
01:03:26Okay, but before I show you, I don't want you to kill them.
01:03:28So what do you want me to do?
01:03:29Torture them?
01:03:30No, I want you to grab them.
01:03:31And then strangle them?
01:03:32No!
01:03:33I want you to grab them, hold them for like 10 to 15 minutes, and then let them go.
01:03:37Don't hurt them.
01:03:38Wait, you're paying me $10,000 to hug somebody?
01:03:41Yes.
01:03:42That's it.
01:03:43That's it.
01:03:44It's your money, man.
01:03:45Now who's the target?
01:03:46Here it is.
01:03:50This is you.
01:03:51I don't get a lot of human touch often.
01:03:53Okay, I don't get any human touch.
01:03:55That's why I'm paying you.
01:03:56You could have just went to a club.
01:03:57They're way cheaper.
01:03:58Yeah, but I wanted something more intimate.
01:04:00You don't know me.
01:04:01You could have made a Tinder account, at least.
01:04:03But those are just average people.
01:04:05You're different.
01:04:06You kill people.
01:04:07Dangerous.
01:04:08I like that.
01:04:09Oh.
01:04:10Hey, how about you give me a 10-second head start?
01:04:12You know, to get the adrenaline pumping.
01:04:14And when you grab me, make it tight.
01:04:18Ugh, 7 o'clock already?
01:04:20Come on, I don't even feel like going to class yet.
01:04:26Five more minutes.
01:04:28Ugh.
01:04:33Oh, I see you're home from work early.
01:04:35Okay, so what I'm going to need you to do is take care of the baby.
01:04:38Because I dealt with him last night and I don't got the energy to be dealing with that right now.
01:04:41Who are you?
01:04:42Look, I just came from a hard day at work.
01:04:44I'm stressed out.
01:04:45I don't got the time for this right now.
01:04:46What is this?
01:04:47Where am I?
01:04:48I'm so confused.
01:04:49Look, shut your ass up.
01:04:50And go deal with that commotion in there.
01:04:52Not until you tell me what's going on.
01:04:54Look, I'm not in the mood right now for you to be pushing my buttons like this.
01:04:57I'm not playing these games.
01:04:58She ugly anyway.
01:04:59How she got more facial hair than me?
01:05:01Where this baby at?
01:05:05Uh, honey?
01:05:06Whoever you are?
01:05:08Who kicked our baby's ass?
01:05:11Should we not be concerned?
01:05:12I'm pretty sure faces don't bend that way.
01:05:17Excuse me.
01:05:18I'm so sorry, but I just have to say that you are very attractive.
01:05:21Me?
01:05:22Who else would I be talking to?
01:05:23Oh, thank you.
01:05:24Do you model?
01:05:25Uh-uh.
01:05:26I definitely should.
01:05:27But, uh, are you, uh...
01:05:29You know?
01:05:30Am I what?
01:05:31You know?
01:05:32What?
01:05:33You, uh...
01:05:34What?
01:05:38Dude, are you gay?
01:05:39Oh, uh, I don't know.
01:05:40I can't really answer that.
01:05:41What do you mean?
01:05:42I just feel like you can't say you're not something if you've never tried it, you know?
01:05:45So do you want to try it?
01:05:46Like, right now?
01:05:47I don't see why not.
01:05:48Okay, but like, how?
01:05:49I guess we just kiss, and then if you feel anything, we'll know.
01:05:51All right.
01:05:52All right.
01:05:53Wait.
01:05:54Are we using tongues?
01:05:56A few moments later.
01:05:59So?
01:06:00I hated it.
01:06:01Really?
01:06:02Every, every moment.
01:06:03But I'm glad I did it, because now I know.
01:06:04I mean, yeah, that's understandable.
01:06:06Why is that lady staring at us?
01:06:07Oh, that's my girlfriend.
01:06:08I was waiting for her before you came.
01:06:11Chelsea!
01:06:13I think she saw the kiss.
01:06:14Yeah, I think so, too.
01:06:18What the hell is this?
01:06:19I didn't pick up any cheese nips.
01:06:25What?
01:06:26Put it back.
01:06:27Put what back?
01:06:28I didn't get anything.
01:06:29Put it back.
01:06:37Didn't I tell you to put these back?
01:06:39What?
01:06:40How was that me when I just put them back?
01:06:41See, I promise you, if I see these here one more time, I'm not the one doing it.
01:06:45Who you yelling at?
01:06:48See, I swear, kids these days be—
01:06:53What are you doing?
01:06:54What?
01:06:55So you been the one doing this.
01:06:57But why?
01:06:58So many people come through this line every day, and they never offer to buy me a snack.
01:07:02Like, excuse me?
01:07:03Are you hungry?
01:07:05Y'all selfish!
01:07:06I don't even know you.
01:07:07You don't know me!
01:07:08What's my name?
01:07:09Russell?
01:07:10Exactly!
01:07:11So how do you know my name if you don't know me?
01:07:13Explain!
01:07:14Explain!
01:07:24I got a gun!
01:07:25Dad, chill!
01:07:26I forgot my key!
01:07:28Oh my God.
01:07:30I could kill you right now.
01:07:32What?
01:07:33I could kill you.
01:07:34What are you talking about?
01:07:35Think about it.
01:07:37I'm awoken by a strange noise coming from the kitchen at 3 a.m.
01:07:41I'm tired.
01:07:42I get scared, so I grab my gun.
01:07:45As I'm headed to the kitchen—
01:07:46No.
01:07:47As I enter the kitchen, I see a dark figure coming through my window.
01:07:52So I shoot.
01:07:54Killing at what I thought was a home invader.
01:07:57Only to find out, under close inspection, that it was my son.
01:08:03An accident, of course.
01:08:04Nobody would believe that.
01:08:06The cops would.
01:08:07And so would your mom.
01:08:09That's crazy.
01:08:10Whoa!
01:08:11Good night, son.
01:08:17What's up with you?
01:08:19Who are you?
01:08:20That wasn't my question.
01:08:21How did you get in my house?
01:08:23Just shut up and square up.
01:08:24Yo, I'll square up.
01:08:25I ain't no punk.
01:08:26All right, let's get it crackin'.
01:08:27All right, what's up?
01:08:28No, what's up with you?
01:08:29You about to get these paws.
01:08:30And you about to catch these hands.
01:08:32Is that an oven mitt?
01:08:33See, look, that's irrelevant.
01:08:35Let's just get to it.
01:08:36You know what? It's whatever.
01:08:37I'm with it.
01:08:38All right, let's go.
01:08:39Yo, I'm ready.
01:08:40And why is that?
01:08:46Because I got baseball practice.
01:08:47What? When?
01:08:48It starts in about 46 minutes.
01:08:49Oh, then go.
01:08:51Wait, really?
01:08:52Yeah, I don't want you to be late.
01:08:53Hey, I appreciate that.
01:08:54No problem.
01:08:55We can just do this another time.
01:08:56I mean, I'm free Tuesday.
01:08:57So if you want to continue it then, then it's whatever.
01:08:59I mean, Wednesday works a little better for me.
01:09:01Yeah, I could do Wednesday.
01:09:02Hey, maybe we can hang out afterwards.
01:09:03I mean, I don't know.
01:09:04Because I don't know if I have the time for that.
01:09:05All right, well, take some time to think on it.
01:09:07Yeah, I'll do that.
01:09:08Yo, but I'll see you Wednesday.
01:09:09I gotta go.
01:09:10All right.
01:09:12What just happened?
01:09:13Yeah, I live alone, but I'm not lonely.
01:09:15Feeling lonely is for that female organ synonym that starts with a P.
01:09:21Oh, you got the wrong house, man.
01:09:22What?
01:09:23Are you blind?
01:09:24Can you not see that this isn't your house?
01:09:25Wait, are you blind?
01:09:26If you're blind, then I'm so sorry for saying that blind comment.
01:09:29Oh, you're good.
01:09:30I'm not blind.
01:09:31Then how'd you confuse this for your...
01:09:32We have the same stuff in the same way, don't we?
01:09:34Like identical home layouts.
01:09:36Do you know how rare that is?
01:09:38Nah, this looks nothing like my house.
01:09:40I live in a van.
01:09:41You don't live in this building?
01:09:42That means you couldn't have mistaken this...
01:09:44You are just some random guy that walked in here intentionally.
01:09:47Yeah.
01:09:51And you can read minds.
01:09:52Nah, you just looked at it right in front of me.
01:09:54What do you want?
01:09:55I'll tell you what I don't want.
01:09:56Your stuff.
01:09:57Or your life.
01:09:58Okay, but what do you want?
01:09:59I want to be companions.
01:10:01I live alone and I'm very lonely.
01:10:03And you seem cool.
01:10:04I was literally just lying to these people about living alone
01:10:07and not feeling lonely when I actually do.
01:10:09Right before you came in here.
01:10:11What people?
01:10:15Hello, how are you?
01:10:16Oh, thank you.
01:10:17You're welcome.
01:10:18You're wel...
01:10:38Uh, who is that sitting in my chair?
01:10:40I don't know.
01:10:41I thought he was a friend of yours.
01:10:42So you just let some random person come in my house?
01:10:44Hey, calm down.
01:10:45I thought you knew him.
01:10:46Look, regardless, he got to get out of my house.
01:10:47I mean, he seems nice.
01:10:48He said hello to me, so that was good.
01:10:53Uh, excuse me, sir.
01:10:54Sir, you got to get out of my house.
01:10:57Do you hear me?
01:10:59Hello?
01:11:15Oh my god.
01:11:16Okay, it's happening.
01:11:18I've waited my whole life for this!
01:11:19Hello?
01:11:21I could have sworn I heard someone dying in here.
01:11:23Really?
01:11:24Nah, I don't think anyone's dying in here.
01:11:26Damn, I'm kind of bummed out.
01:11:27I like watching that.
01:11:29Wait a minute.
01:11:30You look like two Pete Davidson's had an 80-year-old baby.
01:11:34Are you dying?
01:11:35Nah, man, I'm just ugly.
01:11:36Are you?
01:11:37That's such an insecure thing to say about yourself.
01:11:38Okay, well, I'm not dying.
01:11:39Are you embarrassed to die in front of me?
01:11:41No, I'm just not.
01:11:42Hold on, do you got that, what's that, disability illness?
01:11:45Uh, social dying anxiety.
01:11:48Yeah, uh, I've had it my whole life.
01:11:50There's nothing to be nervous about.
01:11:52I'm just a normal guy.
01:11:53You can die in front of me.
01:11:54I don't know.
01:11:55Here, sit down.
01:11:57Alright, now, just breathe.
01:12:00I want to conquer this.
01:12:02You will.
01:12:04I want to die in front of you.
01:12:05You're going to feel so much better after.
01:12:11I'm going to eat your body.
01:12:19What are you doing?
01:12:20What?
01:12:21What are you talking about?
01:12:22We're not doing this again.
01:12:23Open the gift.
01:12:24Which gift?
01:12:25The one that you're holding.
01:12:26Oh.
01:12:27Open it!
01:12:28You know I will.
01:12:29I'm just saving the best for last.
01:12:30How is it the best if you don't know what it is?
01:12:31I mean, you want me to open it, so it must be pretty special.
01:12:32Excuse me?
01:12:33All of them are special.
01:12:34You picked that one up so open.
01:12:35But it's so soft.
01:12:37Open it!
01:12:40Ah!
01:12:45But it's soft, huh?
01:12:46I mean, you wrap this around it.
01:12:47You know what?
01:12:48I don't think you deserve to play these games.
01:12:49No!
01:12:50I mean, no.
01:12:51I love it.
01:12:52You love it?
01:12:53Well, put that on.
01:12:56See, what was the problem?
01:12:57It's adorable.
01:12:58How do you still not know my size?
01:13:00Now, stand still!
01:13:02I feel like this is more for you than it is for me.
01:13:04I'm so putting these on Instagram.
01:13:13Hi, cuz.
01:13:14Where you headed to, son?
01:13:15I have a date tonight.
01:13:16A date?
01:13:17Who is the fine young lady?
01:13:18Or man, you know, I'd love you regardless.
01:13:19She's a woman and her name's Skye.
01:13:21Skye.
01:13:22Beautiful name.
01:13:23Way better than your mother's.
01:13:24Margaret.
01:13:25Tell me more.
01:13:26Well, do you want the facts or the facts?
01:13:27Your mother's not here, so tell me the facts.
01:13:29She's got a big old booty.
01:13:30Yeah.
01:13:31That's my boy.
01:13:32That's my son.
01:13:33I mean, she's beautiful, talented, and smart.
01:13:35And small.
01:13:36And smart.
01:13:37That's a trait that's hard to find in any gender.
01:13:39Especially your mother.
01:13:40I know.
01:13:41What color is she?
01:13:42Dad, that's racist.
01:13:43Just for identification purposes.
01:13:44Just for identification purposes.
01:13:45Just for identification purposes.
01:13:47She's black.
01:13:48Whoa!
01:13:49I would have ruled regardless of her skin color, though.
01:13:52I don't care.
01:13:53I'm very inclusive.
01:13:54Of course.
01:13:55Where you taking her?
01:13:56Cheesecake Factory.
01:13:57What?
01:13:58What's wrong with Cheesecake Factory?
01:13:59That's my mother.
01:14:00Oh.
01:14:01Check your cash app, son.
01:14:02Why did you send me $600 on cash app, father?
01:14:03I sent you $600 on cash app, so you might take her somewhere more nice.
01:14:06Thank you, father.
01:14:07I'll be heading out now.
01:14:08That's my boy.
01:14:09Hopefully she touches me tonight.
01:14:10Hold on.
01:14:11Micah, touch you where?
01:14:12So, like, are you almost finished?
01:14:13Hold up.
01:14:14Just adding the finishing touches to the hair.
01:14:16I'm done.
01:14:17Here you go.
01:14:18What the hell is this?
01:14:19It's you.
01:14:20This is not me.
01:14:21Look, I just draw what I see.
01:14:22So you drew the black girl from Jimmy Neutron?
01:14:23I am not the black girl.
01:14:24I am not the black girl.
01:14:25I am not the black girl.
01:14:26I am not the black girl.
01:14:27I am not the black girl.
01:14:28I am not the black girl from Jimmy Neutron.
01:14:29I am not the black girl from Jimmy Neutron.
01:14:30That's a lie.
01:14:31You two could be related.
01:14:32And why do her eyes look like deformed Pokeballs?
01:14:34Hey, look.
01:14:35The portrait was free.
01:14:36But we do accept tips.
01:14:37Boom!
01:14:38Ugly ass.
01:14:57I'm sorry.
01:14:58I kind of have to get that.
01:14:59I'll be back with you in a second.
01:15:00Who the hell are you?
01:15:01Hey.
01:15:02I only have $10, but I don't need that many.
01:15:03I'm a pretty confident guy.
01:15:04Oh, it's going to be at least $100.
01:15:05Come on.
01:15:06This is all I got.
01:15:07I need this.
01:15:08Truth is, I'm not a confident guy.
01:15:09I'm sorry, man.
01:15:10That's my price.
01:15:11Find it somewhere else.
01:15:12That's impossible.
01:15:13There aren't a lot of people like you willing to do that.
01:15:14I'm sorry.
01:15:15I'm sorry.
01:15:16I'm sorry.
01:15:17I'm sorry.
01:15:18I'm sorry.
01:15:19I'm sorry.
01:15:20I'm sorry.
01:15:21I'm sorry.
01:15:22I'm sorry.
01:15:23I'm sorry.
01:15:24I'm sorry.
01:15:25I'm sorry.
01:15:26I'm sorry.
01:15:27I'm sorry.
01:15:28I'm sorry.
01:15:29I'm sorry.
01:15:30I'm sorry.
01:15:31I'm sorry.
01:15:32I'm sorry.
01:15:33I'm sorry.
01:15:34I'm sorry.
01:15:35I'm sorry.
01:15:36I'm sorry.
01:15:37I'm sorry.
01:15:38I'm sorry.
01:15:39I'm sorry.
01:15:40I'm sorry.
01:15:41I'm sorry.
01:15:42I'm sorry.
01:15:43I'm sorry.
01:15:44I'm sorry.
01:15:45I'm sorry.
01:15:46I'm sorry.
01:15:47I'm sorry.
01:15:48I'm sorry.
01:15:49I'm sorry.
01:15:50I'm sorry.
01:15:51I'm sorry.
01:15:52I'm sorry.
01:15:53I'm sorry.
01:15:54I'm sorry.
01:15:55I'm sorry.
01:15:56I'm sorry.
01:15:57I'm sorry.
01:15:58I'm sorry.
01:15:59I'm sorry.
01:16:00I'm sorry.
01:16:01I'm sorry.
01:16:02I'm sorry.
01:16:03I'm sorry.
01:16:04I'm sorry.
01:16:05I'm sorry.
01:16:06I'm sorry.
01:16:07I'm sorry.
01:16:08I'm sorry.
01:16:09I'm sorry.
01:16:10I'm sorry.
01:16:11I'm sorry.
01:16:12I'm sorry.
01:16:13I'm sorry.
01:16:14I'm sorry.
01:16:15I'm sorry.
01:16:16I'm sorry.
01:16:17I'm sorry.
01:16:18I'm sorry.
01:16:19I'm sorry.
01:16:20I'm sorry.
01:16:21I'm sorry.
01:16:22I'm sorry.
01:16:23I'm sorry.
01:16:24I'm sorry.
01:16:25I'm sorry.
01:16:26I'm sorry.
01:16:27I'm sorry.
01:16:28I'm sorry.
01:16:29I'm sorry.
01:16:30I'm sorry.
01:16:31I'm sorry.
01:16:32I'm sorry.
01:16:33I'm sorry.
01:16:34I'm sorry.
01:16:35I'm sorry.
01:16:36I'm sorry.
01:16:37I'm sorry.
01:16:38I'm sorry.
01:16:39I'm sorry.
01:16:40I'm sorry.
01:16:41I'm sorry.
01:16:42I'm sorry.
01:16:43I'm sorry.
01:16:44I'm sorry.
01:16:45I'm sorry.
01:16:46I'm sorry.
01:16:47I'm sorry.
01:16:48I'm sorry.
01:16:49I'm sorry.
01:16:50I'm sorry.
01:16:51I'm sorry.
01:16:52I'm sorry.
01:16:53I'm sorry.
01:16:54I'm sorry.
01:16:55I'm sorry.
01:16:56I'm sorry.
01:16:57I'm sorry.
01:16:58I'm sorry.
01:16:59I'm sorry.
01:17:00I'm sorry.
01:17:01I'm sorry.
01:17:02I'm sorry.
01:17:03I'm sorry.
01:17:04I'm sorry.
01:17:05I'm sorry.
01:17:06I'm sorry.
01:17:07I'm sorry.
01:17:08I'm sorry.
01:17:09I'm sorry.
01:17:10I'm sorry.
01:17:11I'm sorry.
01:17:12I'm sorry.
01:17:13I'm sorry.
01:17:14I'm sorry.
01:17:15I'm sorry.
01:17:16I'm sorry.
01:17:17I'm sorry.
01:17:18I'm sorry.
01:17:19I'm sorry.
01:17:20I'm sorry.
01:17:21I'm sorry.
01:17:22I'm sorry.
01:17:23I'm sorry.
01:17:24I'm sorry.
01:17:25I'm sorry.
01:17:26I'm sorry.
01:17:27I'm sorry.
01:17:28I'm sorry.
01:17:29I'm sorry.
01:17:30I'm sorry.
01:17:31I'm sorry.
01:17:32I'm sorry.
01:17:33I'm sorry.
01:17:34I'm sorry.
01:17:35I'm sorry.
01:17:36I'm sorry.
01:17:37I'm sorry.
01:17:38I'm sorry.
01:17:39I'm sorry.
01:17:40I'm sorry.
01:17:41I'm sorry.
01:17:42I'm sorry.
01:17:43I'm sorry.
01:17:44I'm sorry.
01:17:45I'm sorry.
01:17:46I'm sorry.
01:17:47I'm sorry.
01:17:48I'm sorry.
01:17:49I'm sorry.
01:17:50I'm sorry.
01:17:51I'm sorry.
01:17:52I'm sorry.
01:17:53I'm sorry.
01:17:54I'm sorry.
01:17:55I'm sorry.
01:17:56I'm sorry.
01:17:57I'm sorry.
01:17:58I'm sorry.
01:17:59I'm sorry.
01:18:00I'm sorry.
01:18:01I'm sorry.
01:18:02I'm sorry.
01:18:03I'm sorry.
01:18:04I'm sorry.
01:18:05I'm sorry.
01:18:06I'm sorry.
01:18:07I'm sorry.
01:18:08I'm sorry.
01:18:09I'm sorry.
01:18:10I'm sorry.
01:18:11I'm sorry.
01:18:12I'm sorry.
01:18:13I'm sorry.
01:18:14I'm sorry.
01:18:15I'm sorry.
01:18:16I'm sorry.
01:18:17I'm sorry.
01:18:18I'm sorry.
01:18:19I'm sorry.
01:18:20I'm sorry.
01:18:21I'm sorry.
01:18:22I'm sorry.
01:18:23I'm sorry.
01:18:24I'm sorry.
01:18:25I'm sorry.
01:18:26I'm sorry.
01:18:27I'm sorry.
01:18:28I'm sorry.
01:18:29I'm sorry.
01:18:30I'm sorry.
01:18:31I'm sorry.
01:18:32I'm sorry.
01:18:33I'm sorry.
01:18:34I'm sorry.
01:18:35I'm sorry.
01:18:36I'm sorry.
01:18:37I'm sorry.
01:18:38I'm sorry.
01:18:39I'm sorry.
01:18:40I'm sorry.
01:18:41I'm sorry.
01:18:42I'm sorry.
01:18:43I'm sorry.
01:18:44I'm sorry.
01:18:45I'm sorry.
01:18:46I'm sorry.
01:18:47I'm sorry.
01:18:48Do those damn dishes!
01:18:49No!
01:18:50No!
01:18:51I'm not doing these again.
01:18:52I'll do anything else.
01:18:53Clean your room.
01:18:54Let's go.
01:18:55To be honest, my room's not even that bad.
01:18:58See?
01:19:00Alright, so I'm about to clean up, so watch me.
01:19:02Let's do it!
01:19:06Finally done.
01:19:18Hey, buddy.
01:19:19Wake up.
01:19:20I think your house is on fire.
01:19:21What?
01:19:22Oh, sorry.
01:19:23Not the right tone for this situation.
01:19:24Your house is on fire!
01:19:29Could've sworn I smelled smoke.
01:19:32Do you feel that?
01:19:33My who?
01:19:34Gross.
01:19:35But no.
01:19:36Listen.
01:19:40Is that my heart?
01:19:41You're having a heart attack.
01:19:42Oh my god.
01:19:43You're about to die.
01:19:44Oh my god.
01:19:45Oh my god.
01:19:46You can't avoid it.
01:19:47Oh my god.
01:19:48It hurts so bad.
01:19:49It's coming!
01:19:50You're the reason your dad had an affair.
01:19:54Huh.
01:19:55Must've just been me.
01:19:57Laugh.
01:20:02She's pretty.
01:20:04Jesus.
01:20:05You scared me.
01:20:06You should ask her out.
01:20:07Is that a joke?
01:20:08No joke.
01:20:09You're single.
01:20:10She's single.
01:20:11You should ask her out.
01:20:12Okay.
01:20:15Send.
01:20:16Un-send it.
01:20:17What?
01:20:18Un-send it.
01:20:19She's gonna reject you.
01:20:20But you're the one that told me to send it.
01:20:21Un-send it.
01:20:22Okay.
01:20:24Hello?
01:20:25Hey, can you buy me some water from the store?
01:20:26Yeah.
01:20:27Just cash out me.
01:20:36Why are you screaming?
01:20:39I don't know.
01:20:47Close my fridge.
01:20:49But I'm hungry.
01:20:50Close my damn fridge!
01:20:53But how do I get to the-
01:20:57Mom?
01:20:58What?
01:20:59I'm hungry.
01:21:00Well, open the fridge and eat.
01:21:01Like, why is he telling me this?
01:21:02Okay.
01:21:04Excuse me.
01:21:05What?
01:21:06You need to get through?
01:21:07My electricity!
01:21:08Close the fridge!
01:21:09But you just said-
01:21:10Close it!
01:21:11Okay, you know what?
01:21:12I'm done.
01:21:13Because I don't have time for this.
01:21:14What are you doing?
01:21:15Yeah, I'm gonna just go out
01:21:16and pick something up to eat.
01:21:17All that food in the fridge
01:21:18and you about to go out to eat?
01:21:19You won't let me go in the fridge!
01:21:20Now why would I not let you go in the fridge?
01:21:22Like, how dumb do you sound?
01:21:23Just grab what you need.
01:21:24How do I grab what I need out the fridge
01:21:26when I don't know what's in it?
01:21:27You won't let me look!
01:21:29Oh, I'm sorry.
01:21:30I deeply apologize.
01:21:31My voice.
01:21:32I didn't mean no harm.
01:21:33Now go!
01:21:34Yes, ma'am.
01:21:41Where are my glasses?
01:21:45Where are my glasses?
01:21:50Yo!
01:21:53Oh my God!
01:21:54I just had them at the inter-
01:21:55Hey!
01:21:56I just-
01:22:04Uggh!
01:22:15Why is it such a mess?
01:22:20It's everywhere.
01:22:21Where are you going?
01:22:22Out.
01:22:23Cool.
01:22:24Yeah.
01:22:25Hey, have you seen my glasses?
01:22:26Uh, no I haven't.
01:22:27Okay, cool.
01:22:28Enjoy your night out.
01:22:29Have fun.
01:22:30Alright.
01:22:31He's lying.
01:22:32Straight to my face.
01:22:33Like I couldn't tell.
01:22:34I have to kill him.
01:22:35I just want to know why.
01:22:44Who steals glasses?
01:22:45That's some bummy.
01:22:46Dude, we're not even the same prescription probably.
01:22:48They're just glasses.
01:22:49I can just buy new ones.
01:22:50We'll never be the same though.
01:22:53What a freaking villain, a criminal.
01:22:56I'm not crazy.
01:22:57I'm just upset.
01:22:58This is a normal reaction.
01:23:01It's not that serious.
01:23:02I'm just going to have a conversation with him and ask him why he took my glasses.
01:23:05I'm not going to shoot my best friend.
01:23:07I'm going to shoot him in the face.
01:23:08What do I do?
01:23:09What do I do?
01:23:10Hey bro, I found your glasses in my car.
01:23:24You must have left them when we went to Six Flags.
01:23:26Of course, dude.
01:23:27I'd lose my head if it wasn't attached to my body.
01:23:30Excuse me, do you have the time?
01:23:31Huh?
01:23:32The time.
01:23:33What?
01:23:34The time.
01:23:35Bro, speak louder.
01:23:36You're whispering.
01:23:37What time is it?
01:23:38Do you know what he's saying?
01:23:39Oh, I wasn't paying attention.
01:23:40Hey.
01:23:41What's up?
01:23:42What was he saying?
01:23:43I mean, I seen his mouth moving.
01:23:44But, like, I'm all the way over here, so I couldn't hear him.
01:23:45Why?
01:23:46Was it interesting?
01:23:47I don't know.
01:23:48That's what we're trying to find out.
01:23:49Hmm.
01:23:50Say it again.
01:23:51Look, it's not that difficult.
01:23:52I'm just asking for the time.
01:23:53Yeah, you lost me.
01:23:54That sounded boring.
01:23:55What time is it?
01:23:56I'm reading the subtitles and I still don't understand them.
01:23:57Because I think that's in Spanish.
01:23:58I don't know Spanish.
01:23:59What time is it?
01:24:00I'm confused.
01:24:01Tell us another joke.
01:24:02Make us laugh again.
01:24:03Yeah, funny man.
01:24:04Wait, what?
01:24:05No, I never said a joke.
01:24:06Then why was I laughing?
01:24:07I don't know why y'all were laughing.
01:24:08I was just asking for the damn time.
01:24:09Do it.
01:24:10Do it.
01:24:11Do it.
01:24:12Do it.
01:24:13Do it.
01:24:14Do it.
01:24:15Do it.
01:24:16Do it.
01:24:17Do it.
01:24:18Do it.
01:24:19Do it.
01:24:20Do it.
01:24:21Do it.
01:24:22Do it.
01:24:23Do it.
01:24:24Do it.
01:24:25Do it.
01:24:26Do it.
01:24:27Do it.
01:24:28Do it.
01:24:29Do it.