The Three Badasses Who Want Me Short Drama
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Sir, I found Angela Lockhart.
00:00:15Angela, still selling your hippie junk here?
00:00:18I don't understand why you do so much for him behind the scenes without ever revealing your true identity.
00:00:23Now sign the divorce paper.
00:00:27Baby.
00:00:29I'll sign it.
00:00:31Here, don't look right at it.
00:00:36My lovely princess, I've selected three prime young men for you to choose from.
00:00:41I will chase you to the end of the world if I have to.
00:00:47You must choose one of them in seven days.
00:00:50I'm going. I need to pick up my bride.
00:00:53No!
00:00:55Prepare my warplane!
00:01:01What's the situation here?
00:01:03I want to marry you.
00:01:06Ellen Musk, the only woman on the Forbes 30 Under 30 list, arrives in Atlanta today.
00:01:11What a business tycoon is doing here in Georgia, a forgotten stage no one knows.
00:01:16Angela, my next-door neighbor.
00:01:19Still selling your hippie junk here?
00:01:21If your mother-in-law sees, she's going to throw a big fit again.
00:01:24Your mother-in-law was right about you.
00:01:26What's the point of watching the news all day about these moguls if you can't even apply it to your penniless self?
00:01:31And how do you know that this is none of my business?
00:01:35All right, everybody get out!
00:01:38We've got an important guest coming.
00:01:41We've got a guest.
00:01:43We've got a guest.
00:01:45We've got a guest.
00:01:47We've got a guest.
00:01:49We've got a guest.
00:01:51We've got an important guest coming.
00:01:55You.
00:02:00You deaf? I said pack up and scram.
00:02:03I paid the staff here already.
00:02:05And if you want me to leave, then fine.
00:02:07But you have to compensate for today's losses.
00:02:10You want to say that again?
00:02:14You know who's visiting today?
00:02:16Ellen freaking Musk.
00:02:18One of the richest people in the world.
00:02:20Ellen Musk?
00:02:21Of course a hick like you probably never heard of her.
00:02:24Just know that you can't afford to piss her off.
00:02:28Really?
00:02:29Ellen Musk is flying all the way to Atlanta just to come to some flea market.
00:02:34You don't think that she could be coming to see me?
00:02:40Coming to see you?
00:02:42All right, you know what? I'll play your game.
00:02:45If she does this so much as give you a glance,
00:02:48I'll eat dirt.
00:02:51Deal.
00:03:00Ellen Musk, get to the flea market within ten minutes.
00:03:04Or else, you're fired.
00:03:19Prepare the limo.
00:03:21Ms. Lockhart requires us immediately.
00:03:30Ah, your ten minutes is almost up.
00:03:32Good. Hope you don't wet your pants.
00:03:35Five.
00:03:36Four.
00:03:39Three.
00:03:42Two.
00:03:44One.
00:03:46Two.
00:03:48One.
00:03:52Ellen. I mean, Ms. Musk. Ellen.
00:03:55I mean, I'm sorry that I...
00:03:59Sorry to frighten you.
00:04:01How's my boss bitch?
00:04:03Kickin' ass, girlfriend.
00:04:05So how do you, like...
00:04:08She's my boss.
00:04:10I prefer business partner or best friend.
00:04:14No way.
00:04:18Well?
00:04:23No, no, I'm sorry for offending your boss.
00:04:25No, I won't do it again.
00:04:30All right, that's enough. We're not tyrants here.
00:04:39Sir, I found Angela Lockhart.
00:04:45You mean Angela Lockhart.
00:04:47My runaway bride.
00:04:50You made me lose one million dollars in just one game of poker.
00:04:54Who are you?
00:04:58Where is she?
00:05:00Atlanta. And you were right.
00:05:02It was secretly her propping up Ellen Musk.
00:05:04My clever bride.
00:05:06I will chase you to the end of the world if I have to.
00:05:15Max, prep the jet.
00:05:17I'm heading to Atlanta.
00:05:23Dr. Wilson, Devin Sterling's on the move.
00:05:25He's headed to Atlanta.
00:05:27Atlanta? The game is afoot. I'm going.
00:05:30Wait, Dr. Wilson. The Prince of Bhutan needs your medical attention.
00:05:33He can wait. I need to pick up my bride.
00:05:39Dr. Wilson!
00:05:45Gino Eisenhower reporting, sir!
00:05:48Devin Sterling and Shane Wilson are headed to Atlanta.
00:05:51Atlanta!
00:05:53Where is that?
00:05:55Whatever. Prepare my warplane.
00:05:57Don't sue going after my fiancée.
00:05:59This is war.
00:06:15I've secretly allowed your husband, Jared Cooper,
00:06:18to win the bid on the Maple Plaza project, like you asked me to.
00:06:21Thank you so much, Ellen.
00:06:23This is going to be the best anniversary gift ever.
00:06:26That project is worth billions.
00:06:28He can finally take his company public.
00:06:30But Angela, my boss,
00:06:33I don't understand why you do so much for him behind the scenes
00:06:37without ever revealing your true identity.
00:06:40Without your backing?
00:06:42No offense, but he's nothing without you.
00:06:45Well, three years ago...
00:06:48He saved me.
00:06:54He saved me.
00:06:57He saved me.
00:06:59And it's done!
00:07:03No.
00:07:05No, you can't take him.
00:07:08No.
00:07:10No, you can't take him.
00:07:12No, you can't take him.
00:07:14He saved me and I fell in love with him instantly.
00:07:20I didn't want to reveal my true identity because I didn't want him to feel the pressure of
00:07:23being with a billionaire heiress.
00:07:26But now with this contract, I feel like we'll be on more equal footing and then I can finally
00:07:32come out to the public.
00:07:34So that's why you have me secretly helping him.
00:07:37I'm sure he'll be moved when he finds out.
00:07:42So why work at the flea market?
00:07:44Are you disguising yourself to test him?
00:07:48Well, these exotic spices are incredibly rare and cost a fortune to find.
00:07:54Plus I get to make the best dishes for my hubby and his mom.
00:07:58You seem happy being a housewife.
00:08:00Where the hell are you?
00:08:03Don't tell me you were selling junk at the flea market again.
00:08:08Get home stat.
00:08:09It's a big day today.
00:08:10That was...
00:08:14My mother-in-law, Carol.
00:08:17She judges me because she thinks I come from a lower class family.
00:08:20But she's going to be ecstatic tonight when I finally come out and tell her who I really
00:08:24am.
00:08:25You know, she even remembered our 30 year anniversary.
00:08:34Please spend more time with my son.
00:08:37Hi, I'm home.
00:08:40I have a big announcement I have to make.
00:08:42Finally, you're back.
00:08:44Now sign the divorce papers.
00:08:48Divorce papers?
00:08:51Is this some sort of misunderstanding, mom?
00:08:54God, don't call me mom again.
00:08:57We're ending that relationship.
00:09:00Just look at you.
00:09:01Dirt all over.
00:09:02You're selling the title of Mrs. Cooper.
00:09:05You don't deserve my son.
00:09:06You're way below his league.
00:09:09I'm below his league?
00:09:11That's right.
00:09:12You are.
00:09:14Jared is signing a hundred billion dollar contract tomorrow with the Ellen Musk.
00:09:20And then his company's going public.
00:09:23That's how much he's accomplished in three years.
00:09:25But you?
00:09:27You're still just a stinky hippie peddler.
00:09:32Jared's like the king in the clouds.
00:09:34And you...
00:09:35You will always just be a pawn.
00:09:40Like dirt on our shoes.
00:09:44Dirt on your shoes?
00:09:46But Ellen Musk works for me.
00:09:49You're delusional.
00:09:51You will never upgrade to a queen.
00:09:53How dare you compare yourself to the real deal here.
00:09:59Resorting to lies is definitely not good enough for Jared.
00:10:03And who are you to come into my house and meddle with my family matters?
00:10:11You're nothing but a pathetic excuse for a wife.
00:10:16Jared deserves a queen like Kaylee.
00:10:18Not a lowlife dirtbag.
00:10:20Enough!
00:10:21Jared.
00:10:22I knew you wouldn't divorce me.
00:10:27But I am.
00:10:29Don't fight it, Angela.
00:10:31Here's 500k.
00:10:32You'll never make this much as a hippie peddler selling spices.
00:10:36Now sign the papers, take your check, and leave.
00:10:40Don't embarrass yourself further.
00:10:42I've done so much for you these past three years.
00:10:49Did that not mean anything to you?
00:10:51Didn't expect you to be so greedy.
00:10:54Fine.
00:10:55Here's another 200,000.
00:10:56500,000 is too much for her already.
00:11:01She's done nothing.
00:11:02Hasn't even contributed a grandchild.
00:11:06She just sells cheap grass all day.
00:11:08Is that really how much I'm worth to all of you?
00:11:13I took care of both of you these past three years.
00:11:17You think we can't just hire a maid to cook for us or something?
00:11:22And she wouldn't embarrass us with that permanent stench?
00:11:26A hippie peddler becoming the wife of a CEO?
00:11:30What a joke.
00:11:31If you actually love my son, you'll sign the damn divorce papers already and leave.
00:11:40You really think that Jared would have gotten that Mabel Plaza bid without me, let alone
00:11:45taking the company public?
00:11:47I did everything for you, Jared.
00:11:51Now you take credit for my son's success?
00:11:58It's all my work.
00:12:01Baby, we're going to be late for the auction if we keep letting this psycho stall us.
00:12:10You did say you would win me Princess Diana's tiara, didn't you?
00:12:15So, she's the reason for the divorce.
00:12:19She's worth more than you, Angela.
00:12:22Fine.
00:12:23I'll sign it.
00:12:26But don't regret it.
00:12:29Regret?
00:12:30Do you know who I am?
00:12:33Yeah, a cockroach that only knows how to crawl her way into a married man's bed?
00:12:37I'm Eric Vanderbilt's only daughter.
00:12:41Jared winning the bid on Mabel Plaza was because of my dad.
00:12:47Because he's business partners with Ellen Musk.
00:12:49It's part of the power that I have as an elite.
00:12:55You can't do shit because you're poor.
00:12:59Social stratum matters.
00:13:01Yeah, social stratum does matter.
00:13:05And the Coopers are beneath me.
00:13:07And you really think Ellen Musk would come to Atlanta if it weren't for me?
00:13:13Ha!
00:13:14You're delusional.
00:13:15Now sign the papers and scram!
00:13:19You owe me.
00:13:23You dirty bitch.
00:13:25You sicken me.
00:13:32You hit me.
00:13:36Now sign the papers, take a track, and get the fuck out!
00:13:55I don't need your penny money.
00:13:58We're finished.
00:14:00You don't want the money?
00:14:01That's your loss.
00:14:03Your check is just pennies to me.
00:14:06But I would like my ring back.
00:14:11Have fun on your economy flight while I catch a ride on my private helicopter out of here.
00:14:29And I'm way out of your league.
00:14:36Isn't that the Winston Blue Diamond Ring?
00:14:40It's worth tens of millions of dollars.
00:14:44Oh, it's probably just cheap glass.
00:14:47Something she found at the flea market.
00:14:49You're right.
00:14:50She could never afford anything so expensive.
00:14:55Congrats, Jared Boo Boo, on getting rid of that dirt bag.
00:15:00Oh!
00:15:01My dad says there's going to be a secret big shot financial tycoon at tomorrow's summit.
00:15:08Bigger big shot than Elon Musk?
00:15:10Yeah.
00:15:11And nobody's met them, but I can introduce you.
00:15:16Everything's thanks to you, babe.
00:15:18Oh.
00:15:33Angela, Mr. Vanderbilt, the richest man in Georgia, wants to schedule a meeting before the bidding.
00:15:38Vanderbilt?
00:15:39Yeah, he's actually CEO of one of our companies.
00:15:42Basically our employee.
00:15:43Oh, okay.
00:15:44I'll meet him at the summit tomorrow.
00:15:45It's fine.
00:15:47You're still going to the summit tomorrow?
00:15:48But you and Jared Cooper are already divorced.
00:15:51That's exactly why I'm going.
00:15:55Angela Lockhart.
00:15:56I finally found you.
00:15:57Who is he?
00:15:58That.
00:15:59That's Devin Sterling.
00:16:00He's the CEO of Vanderbilt.
00:16:01Oh.
00:16:02I see.
00:16:03I see.
00:16:04I see.
00:16:05I see.
00:16:06I see.
00:16:07I see.
00:16:08I see.
00:16:09I see.
00:16:10I see.
00:16:11I see.
00:16:12I see.
00:16:13I see.
00:16:14I see.
00:16:15I see.
00:16:16I see.
00:16:17I see.
00:16:18I see.
00:16:19I see.
00:16:20I see.
00:16:21I see.
00:16:22I see.
00:16:23I see.
00:16:24Devin Sterling.
00:16:25He's number one on Forbes 30 under 30 list, and the early investor of crypto, CEO of Sterling
00:16:30Enterprises—rumor has that he's worth trillions.
00:16:32And he's your fiancé.
00:16:38What, my fiancé?
00:16:40The one and only.
00:16:43So...
00:16:44After running away and leaving me single for three years, have you figured out how you're
00:16:49going to make it up to me yet?
00:16:52That tiara looks perfect on you.
00:17:06What is she doing here?
00:17:12You skank!
00:17:13My son just divorced you yesterday and you're already hooking up with another man?
00:17:18Divorced?
00:17:21That's right, so I guess this was never meant to be, mister...
00:17:26Sterling.
00:17:27Devin.
00:17:28Sterling.
00:17:29So she has to hide her marital status to find another man.
00:17:33I guess she's not just a forsaken woman, she's also a stinky, penniless whore.
00:17:41How dare you insult my boss like that.
00:17:44Who the fuck are you, bitch?
00:17:47Do you know who I am?
00:17:50They don't know who you are.
00:17:52You hide it well.
00:17:55X-Team!
00:17:56Teach these fools a lesson.
00:18:00Teach these fools a lesson.
00:18:06Sir, you were kind of in a rush when you flew to Atlanta and then to New York.
00:18:10You forgot to bring the security team.
00:18:13Mind if I borrow your men?
00:18:20Go ahead.
00:18:24Tell these ill-mannered apes out!
00:18:27You bitch!
00:18:28I'll have my son teach you a real lesson!
00:18:37A kiss as a reward, my lady.
00:18:41No.
00:18:43No.
00:18:50Guest list is very distinguished tonight.
00:18:53You've got Bill Ford, Harvey Buffett, old money like me.
00:18:58Gentlemen.
00:18:59Harvey, Bill, this is Jared Cooper.
00:19:01Pleased to meet you all.
00:19:02Your families all started empires after the Industrial Revolution.
00:19:06What an honor.
00:19:07I heard you secured the Maple Plaza project.
00:19:10It's worth billions of dollars.
00:19:12Congrats.
00:19:13You owe me next.
00:19:15But we haven't received the contract yet.
00:19:17We deserve it.
00:19:18Pardon me.
00:19:19That's nothing.
00:19:20I introduced this kid to Ellen Musk.
00:19:21Vanderbilts and Miss Musk have always had a good relationship.
00:19:24So I thought I'd help the kid out, pull a few strings.
00:19:28Thank you, Mr. Vanderbilt.
00:19:30Now we just have to impress Miss Musk's special guest of honor.
00:19:34Yes.
00:19:35I heard they're a very important and powerful guest.
00:19:39Even wealthier than Ellen Musk.
00:19:41Now, if we can just secure a position with this big shot, we can feast for generations.
00:19:50I'll do my best.
00:19:56Excuse me.
00:19:57A second, gentlemen.
00:19:59What if it's the Prince of Bhutan?
00:20:04How did a hobo like you sneak in here?
00:20:06Me?
00:20:07A hobo?
00:20:09How did a cheating scumbag like you sneak in here?
00:20:12You sleep your way in?
00:20:13I told you, Angela Lockhart, don't bother stalking me.
00:20:16Nothing will come of it, and it only sickens me further.
00:20:19Don't flatter yourself.
00:20:24This is your ex-husband?
00:20:28What, were you blindfolded when you married him?
00:20:30Who the hell is this?
00:20:32You were cheating on me?
00:20:39Son, you have to avenge me and Kaylee.
00:20:43That wicked ex-wife of yours hired some thugs and a gigolo to beat us up.
00:20:49They even took Kaylee's tiara.
00:20:52You dare hurt my mom and Kaylee?
00:20:56Get your hands off of her.
00:21:02My Lady.
00:21:05My Lady.
00:21:07My Lady.
00:21:08You dare hurt my mom and Taylor get your hands off her
00:21:38it's it's him he scammed a million dollars off me in a game of poker
00:21:52yesterday. Who are these peasants? These seats are reserved for the Ellen
00:21:58Musk and her special guest. Oh shut up old man. You're disturbing the peace.
00:22:06Fuckers, you know who that is? That's Eric Vanderbilt. You have any idea how many
00:22:11generations of wealth he has? His ancestors built the railway and
00:22:15steamship empire of America. This civil war would not have been won without his
00:22:19family's involvement. Vanderbilt, the father of that skank Kaylee Vanderbilt
00:22:26who only knows how to crawl her way into a married man's bed. That the Lee
00:22:33Vanderbilt family? Oh god damn it, a stomachache now?
00:22:47Whatever Angela can handle herself she'll be fine.
00:23:03How dare you call one of us low? I'm Harvey FN Buffett the most important
00:23:09investor in the entire stock market. I can wipe you out with a simple pinky
00:23:14only. And I can wipe you out with just a strand of my hair. Not with me around. I
00:23:21Bill Ford and the entire Ford Auto Empire stand with these gentlemen. You're
00:23:27all just peasants compared to who I really am. You're fucking delusional
00:23:33Angela. We've had enough of your games. Security, break their limbs and toss them
00:23:39out. Looks like the old guard is teaming up against you. Don't worry, you got new money here.
00:23:47I can handle myself thank you. Yes my queen. You're all despicable. An insult to
00:23:57your family names. Now it's my turn to rule. Destroy Jared Cooper. Cut off all
00:24:08business ties and if you don't I will take away all of your family's wealth
00:24:15and power. I knew it. You're here to fuck with me. You can't fool anyone here. How much money did you
00:24:23spend on that getup? And to hire that gigolo to make me jealous? You're an
00:24:27orphan who sells hippie spices at a flea market. You have nothing and you will
00:24:33always be nothing. She's a gold digger. Gold digger. Gigolo. Wanna try me for a night?
00:24:43Yeah you're a little too pricey. Mr. Vanderbilt we really shouldn't keep
00:24:47these bandits here any longer. They might upset Miss Ellen Musk and her special
00:24:51guest. Angela Lockhart is my spurned ex-wife. She's only here to try and ruin
00:24:54my bill in the maple plaza project. Oh I'm gonna kill that sushi chef. Security.
00:25:04Security. You all don't realize that you actually all work for me and now you're
00:25:11trying to throw a coup? You. Insolent fools. Let me guess you're that special
00:25:19guest? I don't know. Throw them out and not without some broken bones too.
00:25:32Back to our mess.
00:25:37I got this.
00:25:50Oh
00:26:05What the hell are you two doing here? I thought we were supposed to guard you. No you're supposed to make
00:26:11sure Miss Lockhart is okay. Oh my god we're so screwed.
00:26:24Angela don't hurt her. You bitch. I've always been sick of you. You just threw
00:26:30yourself at me. How dare you insult my boss like that. Boss? Did she say her boss?
00:26:36Miss Musk? That's Ellen Musk? That woman right there is Angela Lockhart. My boss
00:26:42and sole heiress to the Henry Lockhart's fortune. Their lineage is older than this
00:26:47country itself. Past the American Revolution? Back to the Renaissance. If
00:26:53she's your boss then that means Angela Lockhart is. That's Lady Lockhart to you.
00:26:57She's royalty and since you're all subsidiaries she's your boss's boss. What the hell did you do?
00:27:04Kneel before me. Oh your majesty. Welcome to the United States. We've always been your loyal subjects.
00:27:15Yes your highness. Is it a queen or princess? It doesn't matter. My queen please forgive our insolence.
00:27:24We didn't mean to offend. What are you doing idiot? Let go of the boss lady and beg for forgiveness.
00:27:34What rightfully belongs to you.
00:27:44She's a badass herself. He missed out on a good wife. You, you, you told me your wife was a hippie peddler. Turns out you were the freeloading scumbag this entire time.
00:28:12No, no don't believe their lies. I worked hard for everything. You worked for everything?
00:28:22Hi Henry. So our 30th anniversary is coming up and I thought that maybe we can do something special this year.
00:28:30I can't focus on anything trivial like that. I have to figure out this bid for the
00:28:35And if I get it I can take the company public.
00:28:45You were nothing before me. All your achievements, all your glory, that's all mine. Including the Maple Plaza contract.
00:28:56I can take all of that away just like that.
00:29:01No, you can't take that away from me.
00:29:03That's why Elon Musk was urging us to pass on deals to this nobody.
00:29:07Oh and this antique wedding ring. Yeah, I forgot to tell you. It was Queen Victoria's and it's worth is equivalent to more than an entire country's GDP.
00:29:23Oh, I gave you back the ring? I divorced a royal heiress? No, no please take me back baby, I still love you.
00:29:39Oh man, looks like they've started the party without us.
00:29:41No one's allowed to start a fight without Cole Eisenhower.
00:29:51God, these two again. Did he say, is he Cole Eisenhower?
00:29:56President Eisenhower's descendant. After General Eisenhower won World War II, each of his descendants have all gone on to become five-star generals, the highest rank in the nation's military.
00:30:05Bloody buffoons know your history. Sorry I'm late babe, I got lost trying to find Atlanta. Then lost again on my way back to New York.
00:30:17And that there is, that is the legendary boy genius Dr. Wilson. He's Dr. House's protege.
00:30:24Dr. House? I thought that was just a TV show. Oh no, that's based on a real figure.
00:30:29Yep, that's me. Son of James House. Dr. House, he's practically my uncle. I correctly diagnosed the Pope before him when I was just 12 years old.
00:30:38So he's been off crying himself a waterfall somewhere in the Netherlands for the last 14 months. And I'm late because I ran out of gum and had to make a pit stop.
00:30:47Hey Ellen, who are these weirdos and why are they here?
00:30:55Uh, they're all your fiancés.
00:30:59What? Fiancés?
00:31:01Plural?
00:31:04Fiancés.
00:31:06Fiancés? Plural?
00:31:08Watch it nerds, I'm her fiancé.
00:31:11No, I'm her fiancé.
00:31:13You can both shut up, I'm her fiancé. It's you.
00:31:17It's me. Who the hell is he?
00:31:19I'm Spider-Man.
00:31:21How are all three of these men my fiancé?
00:31:26Your father had arranged these engagements years ago, but I didn't tell you because you decided to marry Jared Cooper at the time.
00:31:33She has three badass fiancés and she marries his dumb ass.
00:31:40Whatever.
00:31:41Since you're all here, help me finish him.
00:31:46Since you're all here, help me finish him.
00:31:52At your service.
00:31:53Me too.
00:31:59One down, two more to go.
00:32:01She's become queen.
00:32:02Bishop to G4.
00:32:07Ow, ow, ow, what is that?
00:32:11The most German festin' water in the Nile River.
00:32:17Rook to A8.
00:32:23Hello?
00:32:27I thought I was king.
00:32:28No, you wish.
00:32:29The king doesn't do anything, so Alan can be my king.
00:32:33Oh, fine.
00:32:38Bankrupt to four, it's right this second.
00:32:45I... I've been bankrupt! No!
00:32:50Who is he?
00:32:57I've been bankrupt! No!
00:33:00I told you I would remove all of you from status and power if you didn't cooperate.
00:33:05Well, guess what? Game over.
00:33:07All right, boys, let's figure out this four-way engagement.
00:33:11Oh, that's serious business.
00:33:13I'm right with you.
00:33:16Wait for me.
00:33:17Nobody beats me to the finish line.
00:33:28Angela!
00:33:31You already have three fiancés?
00:33:34You can't accuse me of cheating.
00:33:36I want compensation.
00:33:41You greedy SOB.
00:33:43Who the fuck is that?
00:33:44My ex-husband.
00:33:46Wait, you were married?
00:33:48Yeah, and if that's a problem for you, then you can totally back out of this engagement.
00:33:53More for me.
00:33:54No, no, of course not.
00:33:55Just, do you want me to check your eyes for you?
00:33:59Don't steal my joke.
00:34:00I can make him disappear without a trace.
00:34:02All the evidence of your past with him will be gone.
00:34:06What? Is there something on my face?
00:34:08Yeah, murderous intent.
00:34:11Let's remarry.
00:34:13Let's remarry.
00:34:15You still don't realize.
00:34:17I only fell in love with you because you saved me from drowning three years ago.
00:34:46Sir, it's an emergency.
00:34:49We need to wreck right away.
00:34:51Nicole Eisenhower and Shane Wilson are causing mayhem at the company warehouse.
00:34:55Okay, I'm on my way.
00:34:59She should be okay now.
00:35:04Hey, you!
00:35:06Watch over her.
00:35:07I'll be right back.
00:35:11You saved me.
00:35:20Fuck.
00:35:21I unwittingly gave away my own wife.
00:35:25Fuck.
00:35:26I unwittingly gave away my own wife.
00:35:28You've cheated on me, you've hit me, and you've insulted me.
00:35:33And after all that, I never want to see you again.
00:35:37I fucking hate you.
00:35:40And the ladies are fired.
00:35:42God, what now?
00:35:44Yes, we understand that you are a very busy person,
00:35:49but if you're not going to give your ex-husband the Maple Plaza project...
00:35:53How about us three?
00:35:54Yes, unlike that scumbag, we won't turn on you.
00:35:58Yeah, no, you're all fired for trying to throw a coup.
00:36:03This is your fault, you doofus!
00:36:05We never should have believed your bullshit.
00:36:07No, no.
00:36:10We can't lose our positions with Ellen Musk and the Lockhorns.
00:36:14Our family.
00:36:16I'll get you for this.
00:36:24I never should have listened to you.
00:36:25I'm ruined because of you.
00:36:36So, what's the situation here?
00:36:40I don't want to marry you.
00:36:50I don't want to marry you.
00:36:53Listen, I only met you guys a few hours ago,
00:36:57and I'm not interested in flash marriages.
00:37:00I only met you guys a few hours ago, and I'm not interested in flash marriages.
00:37:04But what if I told you that we've known each other for much longer than just a few hours?
00:37:10Much longer.
00:37:14Angela, your parents would like to have a video call with all of you.
00:37:23My lovely princess, how are you?
00:37:26Look, your mother and I are in Italy.
00:37:28The views here are absolutely stunning.
00:37:31Perfect for a wedding, wouldn't you say?
00:37:33I heard you finally divorced that good-for-nothing, blood-sucking, freeloader husband of yours.
00:37:40Can't call his name, but anyway, congratulations!
00:37:45I've selected three prime young men for you to choose from to replace him.
00:37:50You must pick one of them to marry, otherwise...
00:37:54Let me do it.
00:37:56You must choose one of them in seven days, otherwise...
00:38:00We'll kill ourselves.
00:38:02Mom!
00:38:04Alright honey, that's it.
00:38:06Bye!
00:38:12So, who are you going to choose?
00:38:16Well, what if I want all three of you?
00:38:21Well, what if I want all three of you?
00:38:27That seems greedy.
00:38:34But I can always remove the other two options.
00:38:39Hey, I may be a doctor, but I can take lives too.
00:38:43I know and have access to all the deadliest poisons in the world.
00:38:48Well, okay, no murder please, I was just kidding.
00:38:53You have seven days to win her over.
00:38:56Ooh, it's like The Bachelorette.
00:38:59I know, we'll start with challenge one.
00:39:04Welcome to the show, The Three Badasses Who Want Me.
00:39:08Today, we have our first challenge.
00:39:12What is all of this, Ellen?
00:39:15You'll see.
00:39:17Oh my god, oh my god, cockroaches!
00:39:27All women are afraid of cockroaches.
00:39:30And it is every man's job to save their beloved woman from this monstrosity of a creature.
00:39:35What will our three candidates do to prove their undying love for our single, but screaming her head off heiress?
00:39:48Looks like one of our contestants has already called it quits.
00:39:51It's up to the final two.
00:40:18Crunchy.
00:40:20That is sick cold.
00:40:22Hey, when you're stranded in the middle of the battlefield, you'll be glad to see one of these around.
00:40:29There are two more left, wanna try one?
00:40:31God, no, no!
00:40:34Oh my god, save me!
00:40:36What, save you? You're gonna save me!
00:40:41I'm a germaphobe doctor. These hands can't get germs on them.
00:40:44They're for surgery and saving lives.
00:41:01Thank god you're here.
00:41:05Are you alright, honey?
00:41:07Angela!
00:41:10Alright, you won the first challenge, so your reward, you get to watch over her for the night.
00:41:16Just don't cross the line, if you know what I mean.
00:41:19I'm not her scumbag husband. You have nothing to worry about.
00:41:27Honestly, even if you guys fuck, it's not like it's against the rules or anything.
00:41:31At least my girl can get some.
00:41:33I bet her husband has a small dick anyway.
00:41:36The cockroaches!
00:41:37They're gone, they're gone.
00:41:39There's nothing in this room except you and me, okay?
00:41:42I'm going to kill Ellen when I see her tomorrow.
00:41:49I need a drink.
00:41:59Whoa, easy, you're on an empty stomach.
00:42:01What do you care?
00:42:03I'm trying to drink away your sorrows, Angela.
00:42:08You guys were right.
00:42:10I was blind from marrying that asshole.
00:42:13You know, I wasted three whole years of my life with him.
00:42:19He never even loved me.
00:42:21And I gave up my entire career for him.
00:42:25And I gave up my entire career for him.
00:42:31Do you really think that you would still be number one on the Forbes 30 under 30 list if I was around?
00:42:39You may not be number one on Forbes list, but you know what you're number one in?
00:42:44What?
00:42:48You're number one here.
00:42:55You know, we've known each other kind of a long time.
00:42:59Lies.
00:43:02You all just want something from me.
00:43:09Angela, I know it's hard to trust again.
00:43:14But I assure you, I don't care what family you're from.
00:43:21I'm the richest man in the nation.
00:43:23I don't need your power, your status, your wealth, your connections.
00:43:30I just need you.
00:43:34I'll prove my love to you within six days, I promise.
00:43:38Okay.
00:43:48Screw the contest. I just want love.
00:43:53Angela, you're drunk.
00:43:56I'm an adult. Can't I go just get what she wants?
00:44:00Okay.
00:44:03But love and sex aren't exactly the same thing.
00:44:07Well, they're not mutually exclusive either.
00:44:19This is what you want.
00:44:33Oh.
00:44:49Nine inch penis.
00:44:51Morning to you too.
00:44:53You sure you were drunk last night? You wouldn't...
00:44:56A girl remembers when she's had a nine inch penis inside of her.
00:45:01Well, glad you enjoyed it.
00:45:04But don't tell Shane or Cole.
00:45:07Because then they would...
00:45:09Say that you were being unfair?
00:45:11Technically, us having sex doesn't break any rules.
00:45:14I won the first challenge, and according to Ellen, my prize was to spend the night with you anyways.
00:45:21Don't make this any harder than it already is.
00:45:27You sure you don't want it pretty hard?
00:45:32Stop.
00:45:35Fine, fine, fine.
00:45:39I won't tell.
00:45:41But only on one condition.
00:45:45I won't tell.
00:45:47But only on one condition.
00:45:50You have to go out on a date with me.
00:45:53Fine.
00:45:56I've had a crush on you since college, Angela.
00:46:00You never noticed me.
00:46:06You should get dressed and get out of here before anyone sees you.
00:46:11It's only 7am. She's still sleeping.
00:46:14Am I sleeping alone?
00:46:16Yeah, I'm not letting my fiancé be alone with another man for another second.
00:46:21Morning, gentlemen.
00:46:23Oh, or shall I say ruffmen?
00:46:26Oh, don't mind him.
00:46:28What's up, guys?
00:46:30We're ready for the second challenge.
00:46:32No cockroaches this time.
00:46:34Yes, no more terrifying things. That was my bad, Angela.
00:46:37This better be a good challenge, Ellen.
00:46:40I'm sure you'll all enjoy this one.
00:46:42The second challenge is...
00:46:44The second challenge is...
00:46:46A date.
00:46:47Lame. I should have asked for something else.
00:46:49A date?
00:46:51That's it. What's the catch?
00:46:53No catch. Just who Ms. Lockhart enjoys spending her time with the most.
00:46:57As simple as that.
00:46:58I know what I want to do. Let's start with me first.
00:47:00Okay. Who's up first? Then...
00:47:02Me. Save the best for last.
00:47:05Ain't that right, Angela?
00:47:07Then it's decided.
00:47:11Please don't take my BMW away.
00:47:15Too bad. You pissed off the Lockharts.
00:47:18I have nothing left.
00:47:28It's that bitch who ruined me.
00:47:34It's that bitch who ruined me.
00:47:44Get out of here!
00:47:46At ease, Lieutenant. This is my lieutenant.
00:47:49He also manages this boxing gym.
00:47:51Pleasure to meet you, Madam Eisenhower.
00:47:53He's so serious. But hang on.
00:47:56Lieutenant, I don't know who I'm going to marry yet.
00:47:59Baby, I decided to take you here on our first date so that I can introduce you to my guns.
00:48:04Guns? Like murder weapons?
00:48:07Yes. Murder weapons.
00:48:17Guns
00:48:29You like my guns, babe?
00:48:31Pretty rock hard.
00:48:32Yeah.
00:48:34Let me show you what I can do with them.
00:48:36Lieutenant! Come close!
00:48:39Wait! You're just going to hit him like that? He's not even going to fight back?
00:48:43Fighting back would be treason, ma'am!
00:48:45You guys are way too serious.
00:48:48Look, you Lockhart bitch! I caught you!
00:48:50If I'm going down, you're all going down with me!
00:48:53Lieutenant, here's your attack!
00:49:08You dare try to hurt my wife?
00:49:12I will make you pay!
00:49:16If you don't need to keep beating him up, we could just take him to the cops.
00:49:19Not when he tries to hurt you!
00:49:27He's always a bit violent. Some might call it being protective.
00:49:31Poor anger issues. What if we get married and I forget to use a coaster on an antique table or something?
00:49:37Is he going to be, like, rough?
00:49:40Hey, some girls are into that.
00:49:42I don't know if I am.
00:49:45Well, maybe Shane will be your type.
00:49:50Your date with Shane starts now.
00:49:55Hey.
00:49:57Hey.
00:49:58Cool ride.
00:50:00A gift from the Chancellor of Germany when I saved his wife.
00:50:03Impressive.
00:50:07Your breath smells like peppermint.
00:50:10Refreshing.
00:50:12I got cool mint, too.
00:50:14Or do you prefer spearmint?
00:50:17What do you not have in this coat of yours?
00:50:20Fruit flavored gum. I can't stand those.
00:50:23So, where are you taking me, Shane?
00:50:25Let me show you.
00:50:33Dr. Wilson!
00:50:35Our VIP of VIPs!
00:50:37Right this way.
00:50:38VIP of VIPs?
00:50:40Ah, just some other guy I saved. I forget who.
00:50:43You saved a lot of people.
00:50:45I'll do what I can.
00:50:47Oh my gosh!
00:50:49It's my gold-digging neighbor who just got dumped by her husband.
00:50:54Sandra Miller, what are you doing here?
00:50:57I just thought this was for the VIP of VIPs.
00:51:00Your mother-in-law told me all about the divorce
00:51:02and how you hired some gigolo to beat her and Kaylee Vanderbilt up.
00:51:07Hello of you.
00:51:09What are you doing here, Sandra?
00:51:11Of course your bird brain wouldn't remember.
00:51:13I sell high fashion jewelry pieces so high-end,
00:51:16you couldn't even afford even a few soldier organs.
00:51:20The auction begins.
00:51:22I'll deal with you later.
00:51:25Here, I'll just be one second.
00:51:31Cameron, I have a task for you.
00:51:36Our next piece is absolutely extraordinary.
00:51:39Cleopatra's armband.
00:51:41Sold by our vendor, Sandra Miller.
00:51:45For five million dollars.
00:51:48Excuse me.
00:51:49I'd like to donate this piece to auction.
00:51:52It's Queen Victoria's ring.
00:51:55I'd like to donate this piece to auction.
00:51:58It's Queen Victoria's ring.
00:52:00What are you doing?
00:52:01Just watch.
00:52:03Come on.
00:52:05I know what she's going to say.
00:52:08That is Queen Victoria's ring?
00:52:11Please.
00:52:12I'm an expert and that's a fake.
00:52:14She probably got it at the flea market she works at.
00:52:17You work at a flea market?
00:52:19Not this again.
00:52:20Cut the bullshit.
00:52:21That wouldn't even sell for five dollars.
00:52:23Oh yeah?
00:52:24Here, you want it?
00:52:25For free.
00:52:26Ew!
00:52:27I don't want that trash from a stinky hippie peddler.
00:52:31Well, that's too bad then.
00:52:33Because you are the fraud.
00:52:37What are you talking about?
00:52:38Who the hell are you to accuse me?
00:52:40Throw them out!
00:52:42Dr. Wilson, I know you're a legend in medicine,
00:52:45but we're professionals.
00:52:47Oh yeah?
00:52:48And that armband sells for five million dollars?
00:52:52Yeah.
00:52:53Mine is the real thing.
00:52:54You two are just upset because you're too poor
00:52:57to afford our luxury items.
00:52:59Oh, is that so?
00:53:01When a so-called expert
00:53:02failed to recognize Queen Victoria's ring then?
00:53:04Dear Lord.
00:53:06This is real.
00:53:08It's authentic.
00:53:10It's Queen Victoria's ring.
00:53:15Karen, what have you found?
00:53:17Yeah, that picture of Cleopatra's armband you sent me?
00:53:20It's a replica.
00:53:23They had the same one right here at the flea market.
00:53:26So, you are the fraud.
00:53:30You just went to the flea market
00:53:32You just went to the flea market so you can buy some fakes.
00:53:35And Cameron, how much are these fakes being sold for?
00:53:38150.
00:53:40Wow.
00:53:41Not even five dollars.
00:53:43Sandra.
00:53:44You've been duping us the whole time?
00:53:47Arrest her!
00:53:49No!
00:53:50Please!
00:53:51This is my time!
00:53:52Please!
00:53:53What's going on, Dr. Wilson?
00:53:55Uh, investigating lead poisoning from cheap jewelry
00:53:58for the Emperor of Japan.
00:53:59Bye.
00:54:00Blacklist her from the jewelry industry forever.
00:54:11I had a really great time tonight.
00:54:14Me too.
00:54:15May I have a kiss?
00:54:31Something wrong?
00:54:34Do you always have gum in your mouth?
00:54:42Yep.
00:54:43You never have to worry about stinky breath from me.
00:54:55You owe us a bunch of money, Cooper.
00:55:00I don't have any money.
00:55:01How did you pay for this hotel then?
00:55:04I guess you'll only pay up
00:55:08if I break your other leg.
00:55:11Stop!
00:55:15Mr. Vanderbilt.
00:55:19Mr. Buffett.
00:55:24This is the contract for the Maple Plaza project.
00:55:27That's right.
00:55:28Miss Musk wanted me to give it to you.
00:55:30I knew Angela was still in love with me.
00:55:33I knew Angela was still in love with me.
00:55:36No, no.
00:55:37Sorry about those injuries from earlier.
00:55:39It was all just a little misunderstanding.
00:55:42Yeah, we could be partners again.
00:55:45And then maybe you can tell Lady Lockhart
00:55:49to put in a good word for us?
00:55:51Angela still loves me.
00:55:52She's just throwing a fit.
00:55:54She'll be back to me soon enough.
00:55:56Do you need any help winning her back?
00:55:58We can give you jewelry to give to her.
00:56:01I was just sucking up to these pricks a few days ago
00:56:04and now they're all begging me to help them out.
00:56:06It feels so damn good to be in power.
00:56:10Sure.
00:56:11I'll put in a good word for you.
00:56:13I just need...
00:56:14Anything.
00:56:15You tell us, we'll give you anything.
00:56:17Once I take everything from these idiots,
00:56:20I'll go after Angela Lockhart for my revenge.
00:56:27I'm giving the contract to Jared Cooper,
00:56:29just like you asked me to.
00:56:31While done, he'll be fucked soon.
00:56:36While done, he'll be fucked soon.
00:56:38I don't get it, Ms. Musk.
00:56:40That contract has a preliminary clause.
00:56:42It requires him to pay 50% of the costs up front as a deposit.
00:56:45And if he can't, then what?
00:56:47He'll be bankrupt.
00:56:49So as long as he's greedy, I have to take it.
00:56:52I'm avenging my best friend.
00:56:54I'm avenging my best friend.
00:56:56I want to show the world that without Angela Lockhart,
00:56:59he's nothing.
00:57:06I signed the Maple Plaza project.
00:57:09We should celebrate.
00:57:11You did?
00:57:12You see, I know my son has it in him.
00:57:14That skank Angela is nothing next to you.
00:57:18And it's all thanks to you, sweetheart.
00:57:21Actually, it's thanks to Angela.
00:57:26What?
00:57:28You're trying to ditch me to go back to your wife?
00:57:30Oh, no, no, no, no. He's not.
00:57:32Jared, what are you doing?
00:57:34You have such a beautiful and bright future ahead of you.
00:57:38It's my decision, Mom.
00:57:40I'm the head of the house here.
00:57:42I'm telling my dad.
00:57:44Fine. Go right ahead. He has enough problems himself.
00:57:46If you're obedient, I'll keep you around as his side piece.
00:57:49But if not, you can scram.
00:57:52Dad.
00:57:53Jared is being mean to me.
00:57:55Teach him a lesson.
00:57:56Kaylee, be a good girl, okay?
00:57:58Jared has the backing of some very powerful people now.
00:58:02Don't get on his bad side.
00:58:04We can't afford to piss him off.
00:58:06So do as he says.
00:58:08But, Dad.
00:58:16I'm sorry.
00:58:17I'm sorry.
00:58:18I'll be your side piece.
00:58:20Very good. I'm happy you've come around.
00:58:23Now let's go celebrate.
00:58:28I mean, do I really want to be with Mr. Minty Mouth forever, though?
00:58:32But that tongue action, though.
00:58:34Tongue is important.
00:58:36In more than just one spot.
00:58:37Ellen, we are in public.
00:58:39It's true.
00:58:40Oh, stomachache.
00:58:42Again?
00:58:43I have to run to the bathroom.
00:58:44Devin should be here to pick you up soon.
00:58:48Devin's late.
00:58:50Not a good sign for a date.
00:58:54This hotel restaurant has five Michelin stars.
00:58:59It's her.
00:59:00And she's alone.
00:59:01With no one to save her.
00:59:05You whore.
00:59:06You seduced my son so he'd get back with you.
00:59:09Let me tell you.
00:59:11I would never go back even if your entire family got down on their knees and begged me.
00:59:18Hey, you guys can fight all you want.
00:59:20You can take this somewhere else.
00:59:22Whoever gets rid of her for me gets all this.
00:59:24What?
00:59:25Why do I have to leave?
00:59:26She's the one starting shit.
00:59:28Because I have money and you don't.
00:59:30You're just a stinky hippie peddler.
00:59:33And my son just signed a contract.
00:59:35You're just a stinky hippie peddler.
00:59:37And my son just signed a 100 billion dollar contract.
00:59:41He still got the contract?
00:59:43Hmm.
00:59:44Must be Ellen's doing.
00:59:46Even if he does sign it, he doesn't have the liquidity to pay the deposit up front.
00:59:50Oh, he's just gonna...
00:59:52Bet you've never seen this much cash before.
00:59:56Bet you've never seen this much cash before.
01:00:00You take my charity and toss it in my face as if it's your own.
01:00:06My maid wouldn't even pick up such a pitiful amount.
01:00:09$1,000 to take her away.
01:00:12$2,000 to drag her away.
01:00:15$5,000 to beat her away.
01:00:21Oh, hey!
01:00:22Hey!
01:00:23Ow!
01:00:26You okay?
01:00:27Are you hurt?
01:00:29No.
01:00:33Weakling.
01:00:34You!
01:00:35You!
01:00:36Just a few days ago, you found yourself a boy toy right after getting divorced.
01:00:39And now you have two more?
01:00:41What a whore.
01:00:43What a whore.
01:00:44Yeah.
01:00:45And Jared wanted to get back with her?
01:00:47What if she has an STD?
01:00:49Oh, like sleeping with a married man wouldn't give you an STD.
01:00:53Let's go.
01:00:55We'll expose her to Jared.
01:00:57Hang on.
01:00:59What do you want?
01:01:00I'll scream!
01:01:01I don't hit women.
01:01:03But I never said I don't kill women.
01:01:07But I never said I don't kill women.
01:01:10Oh, God.
01:01:11He is a murderer.
01:01:13What if he murders me?
01:01:14Not him.
01:01:15Definitely not him.
01:01:21We're not afraid of you.
01:01:23That's enough.
01:01:24This isn't a war zone.
01:01:25You'll be removed from being a five-star general if you hurt a civilian without adequate cause.
01:01:29I was just messing with him.
01:01:31Was he, though?
01:01:33We're not afraid of you.
01:01:35Jared!
01:01:36You have to avenge us.
01:01:38Look at this slut.
01:01:39She's found two more boy toys.
01:01:41She's cheating on you.
01:01:42Don't get back with her.
01:01:43Oh, Mr. Cooper, it's you.
01:01:45I apologize for this scene.
01:01:47I'll toss out the potty crashes immediately so that you can go to your celebration banquet.
01:01:51What did you say?
01:01:52You were going to toss out?
01:01:54What did you say?
01:01:55You were going to toss out?
01:01:56The potty crashes.
01:02:00Do you have any idea who that is?
01:02:02That's my wife.
01:02:03We saved that title for the real skank over there.
01:02:06That's right.
01:02:07Know your place.
01:02:08Shut up.
01:02:09She's cheating on you.
01:02:13Know your place.
01:02:14You're just a side piece, if I still want you, that is.
01:02:17Eric, have you gone mad?
01:02:19This is Eric Vanderbilt's only daughter.
01:02:21You slap her for this whore?
01:02:23Mom!
01:02:24They really think they're something, huh?
01:02:26Angela's an heiress to a family whose wealth and status goes back to the Victorian age.
01:02:30She's richer even than Ellen Musk.
01:02:33I only got the Maple Closet Project because she gave it to me.
01:02:37What?
01:02:39You apologize right now or I will kick you and your father to the curb.
01:02:49I'm sorry.
01:02:51No.
01:02:53This can't be.
01:02:55I made you divorce...
01:02:59Go home.
01:03:01You're not suited to come with me to my celebration banquet.
01:03:09I apologize on behalf of my mother.
01:03:12Honey, I know you came here to celebrate my achievements.
01:03:16I promise no one will bother you anymore.
01:03:19I didn't come here for you.
01:03:21I'm on a date.
01:03:23A date with two men at the same time?
01:03:27She really is a whore.
01:03:28Angela, please forgive me.
01:03:30I really do love you.
01:03:34Oh-ho! Lady Knockout is here!
01:03:38Oh-ho! Lady Knockout is here!
01:03:43Yeah, we already know you beat Ford's ass.
01:03:46We're too old for that.
01:03:48They're here for my celebration banquet.
01:03:50Please, you gave me the contract, so if anyone should go as my guest of honor, it should be you.
01:03:56Oh, yes, please, Miss Lockhart, join us.
01:03:58We'll all be one happy business family again.
01:04:02What the hell are you all doing here?
01:04:04Where were you?
01:04:06Stomach issues.
01:04:08Again?
01:04:09Would you like my diagnosis?
01:04:11No.
01:04:13Let me make myself clear.
01:04:16Okay?
01:04:17I would rather die than be with you again.
01:04:21Seems that they're not actually on good terms.
01:04:25I can't lose face in front of these pricks.
01:04:27Otherwise, they'll cut me off, too.
01:04:29Angela, I know you're still mad, but please give me a chance.
01:04:31I'll prove it to you.
01:04:33You want a chance?
01:04:35Angela, no.
01:04:36You have three great guys here who all want to marry you.
01:04:39Don't take him back.
01:04:41I'll give you two choices.
01:04:44I'll give you two choices.
01:04:48Me or the contract.
01:04:51You're kidding me.
01:04:53No, I'm not kidding you.
01:04:55If you choose me, we can remarry this week.
01:04:59But you don't get the hundred billion dollar contract.
01:05:03The choice is all yours.
01:05:05That's a tough choice.
01:05:07You think so?
01:05:08He either marries a royal heiress or gets a contract that takes his company to the moon.
01:05:12Either way benefits.
01:05:15Why can't I have both?
01:05:17You really are a greedy bastard.
01:05:19Angela, I saved you in the pool, remember?
01:05:22I deserve the contract.
01:05:24Did you really?
01:05:29Look who's fashionably late now.
01:05:32He didn't save her at the pool.
01:05:34Wait, what are you talking about?
01:05:37I choose the contract.
01:05:40I knew it.
01:05:41You'll get what's coming to you.
01:05:44With this contract, my company's earning potential is limitless.
01:05:48Angela Lockhart, you humiliated me in front of everyone.
01:05:51I will get you one day.
01:05:53Let me show you something.
01:06:06You saved me.
01:06:12You saved me.
01:06:14I'm sorry if his lies led to you wasting three years of your life.
01:06:20But I promise you, I'm going to make it up to you with the rest of our lives.
01:06:26No, no, I wasn't lying.
01:06:28I just couldn't remember exactly what happened that day.
01:06:32Hey.
01:06:39Does that mean we both each saved her once?
01:06:43What? Me?
01:06:45Dr. Wilson losing at saving people?
01:06:48No way.
01:06:49You guys, one of you, do something life-threatening right now.
01:06:53You're crazy.
01:06:55And actually, maybe I've been doing horrible shit behind your back.
01:07:01What?
01:07:03Mr. Sterling had me investigate their company's dealings.
01:07:06Turns out they've been fudging the numbers on your shared accounts and contracts.
01:07:10Put it simply, they've been stealing from you.
01:07:14I can't believe I didn't realize.
01:07:16Ms. Lockhart, I'm so sorry.
01:07:18I should have had third-party accountants check thoroughly.
01:07:21No, it's not your fault. They're just too slick.
01:07:24You like me to punish them for you?
01:07:26Oh God, no. Not that again. Please.
01:07:30Max, you know what to do.
01:07:45The banks have pulled all of our funds.
01:07:48All business ties have been severed.
01:07:50We're bankrupt!
01:07:56How did you do that?
01:07:58Who are you? And don't say Spider-Man!
01:08:03I'll tell you who I am.
01:08:06I'll tell you who I am.
01:08:10I am...
01:08:12Crypto Punk Number Two.
01:08:14What did he say he was?
01:08:16That's more bizarre than Spider-Man.
01:08:19You're Crypto Punk Number Two?
01:08:21Well, I'm Crypto Punk Number One.
01:08:24See? You are number one at something.
01:08:26The most expensive NFT collection in the world.
01:08:29Forget Forbes' list.
01:08:31It's all about young money now.
01:08:33So, how about our date?
01:08:41I'm not letting them one-up me on this one.
01:08:43I'll spy too.
01:08:57They forgot to cancel my contract.
01:09:00I still have the $100 billion project.
01:09:04Yes! I'm rich!
01:09:07I think I'll make them all pay soon!
01:09:15What?
01:09:16Mr. Cooper, sir.
01:09:17The Maple Plaza contract requires us to provide 50% of the costs up front.
01:09:21Otherwise, it's a breach of contract
01:09:23and we'll have to pay for all financial repercussions.
01:09:26No!
01:09:28I'm bankrupt!
01:09:31I need a little off-card.
01:09:32You tricked me!
01:09:39Allow me.
01:09:43I'm sorry I was late, my queen.
01:09:45I had to get some very important materials
01:09:49for our special date.
01:09:51Well, cheers.
01:09:53Cheers.
01:10:03This looks good.
01:10:09Did you use my spices?
01:10:11I know your ex-in-laws never appreciated you.
01:10:16You can have all the money and power in the world
01:10:19but you still can't force a man to love you.
01:10:23I couldn't even remember our anniversary.
01:10:29Angela.
01:10:32Your future with me
01:10:36is going to be different.
01:10:38Come on.
01:10:40Upstairs.
01:10:50Come on.
01:10:58Wow.
01:11:00Devon, I can't believe this is what I've been missing out on
01:11:03these past few years
01:11:05just because of some silly mistake.
01:11:08Angela.
01:11:10I've known and loved you for three whole years.
01:11:13Actually, I've also loved you for three years.
01:11:17That's right.
01:11:19I fell in love with you three years ago, too.
01:11:21How is all of this possible?
01:11:24I didn't meet any of you until recently.
01:11:27Well, actually, maybe Devon, but...
01:11:32I've had a crush on you since college.
01:11:35You were my motivation to go to business school.
01:11:38Despite who you were,
01:11:40you never judged me for being poor.
01:11:44Are you trying to get hired at Fortune 500
01:11:48in a suit like that?
01:11:52All you do is babble on and on
01:11:55about Internet money, Bitcoin, and shit like that.
01:12:00Are you trying to steal my spot?
01:12:04I'll teach you a lesson.
01:12:07Hey! Get away from him!
01:12:09Angela!
01:12:12Feisty girl. I like her.
01:12:25How is he?
01:12:26It's a rare poison made from a mixture of dried roots
01:12:29found in Africa.
01:12:32Can it be cured?
01:12:34I actually think I know that poison.
01:12:36It sounds really scary, but its cure can actually be found
01:12:38in any developed country.
01:12:40It's all salt.
01:12:48I like her.
01:12:51There you go.
01:12:53Time is up.
01:12:56Oh, shoot. I'm late for swim practice.
01:13:05I like her.
01:13:07We have been rivals ever since.
01:13:09So, that's how I, well, we all met.
01:13:14I barely remember.
01:13:16I should have never let you go to swim practice that day.
01:13:19Matthew Richards, the guy who poisoned me,
01:13:22tapped you out of revenge.
01:13:24You wouldn't have known.
01:13:25I did hear he dropped out and became a loan shark, though.
01:13:27If that makes you feel any better.
01:13:29Yeah, I think that suits him a little better.
01:13:32Angela, your seven days is almost up.
01:13:35Now that you know they all loved and fought for you
01:13:37for three years, who will you pick?
01:13:45How can that be?
01:13:47Angela Lockhart is an heiress?
01:13:54Kaylee, we've gone bankrupt.
01:13:58Bankrupt?
01:13:59The Vanderbilts have gone bankrupt?
01:14:02Well, then, get out of here.
01:14:05You can't do this to me.
01:14:10Jared.
01:14:11Mom, it's me.
01:14:12What happened?
01:14:14Jared, I have carefully reconsidered.
01:14:17Angela is way better than this dimwit.
01:14:19You should get back with your wife.
01:14:21We're bankrupt.
01:14:22What?
01:14:27Jared Cooper.
01:14:30We are here to propose to your belongings.
01:14:34No one is going to save you now.
01:14:36What?
01:14:41What kind of an asshole throws his own mother to the dogs?
01:14:47Who will you pick?
01:14:51I...
01:14:57I brought you fried chicken.
01:14:58Fried chicken?
01:15:00Hey, not all girls like sushi and caviar.
01:15:02Yeah, he's right.
01:15:03I did live in Atlanta for three months.
01:15:05Sucking up last minute.
01:15:07At least I don't speak like an AI robot.
01:15:10Hey, stop. Stop.
01:15:13Welcome back to The Bachelorette.
01:15:16I mean, the three badasses who want me.
01:15:19I mean, Angela Lockhart...
01:15:22You know what I mean.
01:15:24Today, our heiress bachelorette will choose
01:15:27which one of our three badasses will she marry.
01:15:31Will it be Shane, the doctor?
01:15:35Cole, the general?
01:15:39Or Devin, the CEO?
01:15:44Uh, looks like our bachelorette may need a little more time to decide.
01:15:48Oh, the suspense is killing me.
01:15:52But when she does, she will take this eternal rose
01:15:55made from glass imported from Venice
01:15:57and give it to our woman.
01:16:00Angela.
01:16:03Angela.
01:16:04Oh, I, uh...
01:16:08I need more time to think.
01:16:13Uh, while our bachelorette takes a little time to decide,
01:16:17why don't we check in with each of our candidates?
01:16:20Let's check in with each of our candidates.
01:16:23Let's start with Cole.
01:16:25Cole.
01:16:30There's not much to say.
01:16:32Who wouldn't want a five-star general
01:16:34who has huge biceps,
01:16:36a massive chest,
01:16:39who would protect their wife?
01:16:43Okay, thank you.
01:16:45Uh, Shane?
01:16:48Muscles, money,
01:16:51they won't get you so far.
01:16:53But you need a well-balanced man like me
01:16:55that has more than one way to keep a lady happy,
01:16:57if you know what I mean.
01:17:01Okay, I think we do.
01:17:03And Devin.
01:17:06That was quite disgusting.
01:17:10I just hope Angela's okay.
01:17:12I know she's going under a lot of stress right now,
01:17:15a lot of choices to make.
01:17:17And she's my queen.
01:17:19I just really hope she's okay.
01:17:21Now, one more thing.
01:17:23What kind of a doctor
01:17:25brings fried chicken to a girl?
01:17:27That's a good point.
01:17:29Fat for her heart.
01:17:32And then you.
01:17:34You know what they say about military men.
01:17:37They beef their lives.
01:17:43Enough!
01:17:45Stand up.
01:17:48Hey, you guys.
01:17:50Whoa, break it up.
01:17:52Hey, break it up.
01:17:54Break it up.
01:17:59Cut to commercial.
01:18:01Cut to commercial.
01:18:20This is the hardest decision I've ever had to make
01:18:22in my entire life.
01:18:24Who do I choose?
01:18:33Angela's marrying me.
01:18:35You're not stealing her from me.
01:18:37Oh, yeah?
01:18:39I may be a doctor, but like I said,
01:18:41I know and possess the deadliest poisons in the world.
01:18:46What don't you have in that cup?
01:18:48Fruit-flavored gum.
01:18:50I won't let you take Angela away from me.
01:18:52I'll fight you to the death.
01:18:54Don't forget about me.
01:18:56It's time I reveal my true identity.
01:19:01These stupid profile cards don't make any sense.
01:19:04They do not help.
01:19:06Who made these?
01:19:20Oh!
01:19:26It's time I reveal my true identity.
01:19:31I'm actually a part of the X-Men.
01:19:34And I have the power of telekinesis!
01:19:51We may have to work together to take him down.
01:20:04This battle within our heads
01:20:06is the most intense I've ever experienced.
01:20:08I may not be able to take them both down
01:20:10if they decide to team up.
01:20:12Hmm.
01:20:14Winter Mint or Cool Mint?
01:20:20You know,
01:20:22I've always really liked your hair.
01:20:24Really?
01:20:26I'm actually pretty self-conscious about it.
01:20:29So I appreciate that.
01:20:31Hey, hey, hey.
01:20:33And you know, cool,
01:20:35I've always really liked the way you talk.
01:20:37Really?
01:20:39Yeah.
01:20:41What do you got for me?
01:20:43I always
01:20:45really like the way you chew gum.
01:20:47Yeah?
01:20:50Yeah?
01:20:52You know, you're actually a really good doctor.
01:20:54Hey, hey, hey.
01:20:56You need me to look at you?
01:20:58Hey, me?
01:21:00Angela's been kidnapped!
01:21:02Angela's been kidnapped!
01:21:04It was Jerry Cooper!
01:21:06That fucker!
01:21:08We have to find her.
01:21:09What, how?
01:21:10Her ring.
01:21:11Her dad installed a GPS tracking mechanism
01:21:13on her ring just in case.
01:21:14Well, let's go then!
01:21:16Oh, my fiancé!
01:21:18My fiancé!
01:21:24Jared.
01:21:28What am I doing here?
01:21:30You destroyed me.
01:21:34I took everything.
01:21:37What?
01:21:38I have nothing left.
01:21:40It's not my fault you're too greedy.
01:21:43Is it greedy to have sex with my wife?
01:21:46What?
01:21:48I'm not your wife anymore!
01:21:50Oh, yeah, I know.
01:21:51You wouldn't take me back now,
01:21:52not unless I get you pregnant with my child.
01:21:54This is illegal!
01:21:55You wouldn't want your child to be away from its father.
01:21:58You won't have me arrested.
01:22:00You will take me back.
01:22:04Come on, bitch.
01:22:07I'll settle you down a little.
01:22:13Bitch.
01:22:17You will be begging me to fuck you soon.
01:22:22Hey!
01:22:24Angela, come here!
01:22:29You're too late!
01:22:30I drugged her.
01:22:31She'll be dead soon unless...
01:22:32Not yet.
01:22:33Have you forgotten who I am?
01:22:36He really does have everything in his coat.
01:22:38Everything except for fruit.
01:22:39Yeah, except for fruit-flavored gum.
01:22:40We get it already.
01:22:41You ate my balls!
01:22:44Here you go.
01:22:50You're all good now.
01:22:52Oh, thank God.
01:22:54But what do we do with that piece of shit?
01:22:56What?
01:22:57What are you going to do to me?
01:22:59Hey, stop!
01:23:00No, don't!
01:23:02Enjoy your erectile dysfunction forever.
01:23:06No!
01:23:09Glad we didn't actually have that fight.
01:23:11Turns out he's the most dangerous of them all.
01:23:19So who did you pick, sweetheart?
01:23:21We've invited the most important figures of the world to your wedding.
01:23:24The Prince of Bhutan.
01:23:26And remember, we will kill ourselves if you don't choose.
01:23:35Welcome back to the finale of...
01:23:37The Three Badasses Who Want Me.
01:23:39We're down to the wire.
01:23:41Literally.
01:23:42The wedding day.
01:23:43But who's the groom?
01:23:57Welcome back to the finale of...
01:23:59The Three Badasses Who Want Me.
01:24:01But who's the groom?
01:24:06Ah, seems our heiress still hasn't decided.
01:24:10Any input from the parents?
01:24:12Maybe that will help sway our bachelorette's choice.
01:24:16This is exciting.
01:24:18Who should my daughter pick?
01:24:20Let me think.
01:24:25I like the doctor.
01:24:27He's cute.
01:24:30But the general looks like a strong fellow.
01:24:34And we can't forget about Devon Sterling, the one who's loved her the longest.
01:24:37Isn't that right, Devon?
01:24:39Angela.
01:24:46You are all three very fine gentlemen.
01:24:51And I'm really grateful for all of your love.
01:24:56But this was a really hard decision.
01:24:59And I decided to devise one last challenge.
01:25:05And I decided to devise one last challenge.
01:25:13I'm just kidding. I'm just as sick of this as you guys are.
01:25:20Each of our candidates have saved our main character.
01:25:24I mean, bachelorette, once.
01:25:26They've all proven their undying love.
01:25:29So who gets to unlock Angela Lockhart's heart?
01:25:32Literally.
01:25:35Could it be the sexy and protective, general with a temper, Mr. Cole Eisenhower?
01:25:46Or the fun, wicked-minded, but kind of weird, Dr. Shane Wilson?
01:25:56And last but not least, could it be the richest man of them all?
01:26:01The man Angela would have married a long time ago, Mr. Devon Sterling.
01:26:08Gentlemen, it's been a pleasure getting to know you.
01:26:12It has. May the best man win.
01:26:15May the best man win.
01:26:18Drum roll, please.
01:26:27Never gonna let you down.
01:26:29Never gonna run around and desert you.
01:26:33Seriously, Ricky?
01:26:41I choose...
01:26:44I choose...
01:26:52I need a powerful, strong man who I really feel like he can protect me.
01:26:58Who could resist those guns?
01:27:02Would it interest you in an N.F.D., Ellen?
01:27:04Would you like a full-body checkup?
01:27:09I choose...
01:27:14I choose...
01:27:20Shane, it's you. I'm lovesick for you.
01:27:24You like that minty flavor, don't you?
01:27:29It's that tongue action, ladies and gents.
01:27:32Ellen, be my new queen. I hope we can go together.
01:27:35Thanks, babe.
01:27:48It's always been you.
01:27:58I'll always love you.
01:28:02Let's give it up for those nine inches, everybody.
01:28:04Miss Pamela, would you like a full-body checkup?
01:28:07Have you seen my murdering weapons?
01:28:09I need fruit-flavored gum for you.
01:28:13I need fruit-flavored gum for you.
01:28:44I, Selene Lovett, accept my role as Nightwind's pack Luna and your wife.
01:28:53I, Alexander Kane, fucking love you.
01:28:57I fucking love you.
01:29:03Yes!
01:29:13Wow. Two alphas together.