Season 1 Episode 11
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00Ah, you don't have any more Sunday Times?
00:09Yeah.
00:10It's all ripped.
00:13I understand, but still, it's all ripped.
00:20Uh-huh.
00:21Say, you got a copy of Curb and Hydrant from my little friend here?
00:26You still have the Sunday Times?
00:30Last one right here.
00:31Thanks.
00:32Hey, hey, what are you doing?
00:34My parents' obituary is in here.
00:36Oh, did you go ahead?
00:37Both of them?
00:39It was an earthquake.
00:41Really?
00:44Beams hit them.
00:46Beam?
00:47It was very fast.
00:48The ground just swallowed up their house.
00:53What?
00:54What, nothing.
00:55Thanks.
01:00J. Stemple.
01:05Stemple.
01:08You believe that girl?
01:11That's what I'm thinking.
01:15Tell me why I love you like I do.
01:30Tell me who can start my heart as much as you.
01:34Let's take each other's hand as we jump into the final frontier.
01:40I'm about to, baby.
01:47Silverberg, Silverman, Silverstein, Stinson.
01:51I knew it.
01:52I knew she's lying.
01:53There's no Stemple in the obituaries.
01:56Who's Stemple?
01:57I don't know.
01:58I just met her.
01:59Driving Miss Daisy at Cinema One.
02:02Son.
02:04How about she dump?
02:06I hear Roseanne Barblow's merril sweep right off the screen.
02:10So Dana really thinks that I'm going to like her friend?
02:13Yeah, she says she's a blast.
02:15I'll tell you, this whole dating thing, it's just torture.
02:18You know?
02:19Especially first dates.
02:20I always do better on first dates, before they get to know me.
02:25Come on, dating is an adventure.
02:27How is it an adventure?
02:29You can tell in ten seconds if you're going to hit it off.
02:32That's how long a first date should be, ten seconds.
02:35Because after that, you're watching each other eat.
02:39Hi.
02:52Hi.
02:53Hi.
02:57Please.
02:58Sorry we're late.
02:59Traffic on the east side was gross.
03:02The one east side?
03:04On 3rd Avenue?
03:06Hey, you ever go to Lombardo's dry cleaning?
03:09I don't think so.
03:11Because it's on 3rd Avenue.
03:123rd Avenue, 54th street.
03:14I go to 14th Street Cleaners.
03:16Live near 14th Street?
03:18No.
03:19I live on 13th Street.
03:26Yeah, you happy with the job they do with your clothes?
03:28Yeah.
03:2914th Street Cleaners is great.
03:31Chino has an autographed picture in there.
03:35You know, Paul makes movies.
03:37You're kidding.
03:38Yeah, I do.
03:39That's so funny.
03:40I work at a bank.
03:48Sometimes not even 10 seconds.
03:54Two more days till Christmas.
03:56Oh, I hope it snows.
03:58The guys in legal approve that.
03:59Did you remember to fax that release to Newsweek?
04:01Yep, first thing this morning.
04:03Can't believe Ted dumped me.
04:06It's my own fault. All the signs were there.
04:09Our first date, I watched him pick a caraway seat out
04:12of his teeth with an American Express card for 20 minutes.
04:15What time's my lunch tomorrow?
04:1712.30.
04:18And he's such a little mama's boy.
04:20He actually took her rowing with us in Central Park.
04:23What are those, expense vouchers?
04:25Yes, yes. You want me to file them?
04:26Shred them.
04:27And then he dumps me.
04:29It was going so well.
04:31James, just remember it is always darkest before the dawn.
04:35What dawn?
04:36There is no dawn.
04:38I miss him.
04:38You were going to dump him anyway.
04:40But not until after the holidays.
04:46No.
04:49Hey, girls, have you been naughty or nice?
04:52Because I can go either way.
04:53Go that way, Lester.
04:55Eggnog?
04:56Not in the mood.
04:57Of course not.
04:58That's why I spiked it.
05:00See, I heard Ted dropped you like a hot cake.
05:03Thought you might need a little comforting.
05:05So tell me, is there anything special you'd
05:07like me to put in your stocking?
05:09How about $50 worth of quarters to whack you in the head with?
05:12Ooh.
05:13Ted said you were a tiger.
05:15Get out of my office, Lester.
05:17Do you have any plans for New Year's Eve?
05:19Get out of my office, Lester.
05:21Hard to get.
05:21I like it.
05:23That's what's out there, Lester's and Ted's.
05:26Come on, James.
05:27Let's have a drink and go to this party.
05:29No, no, no.
05:30I'm not going to the Christmas party.
05:31I hate the holidays.
05:32You have to go.
05:33Trust me, it is a good career move.
05:35I don't want to go.
05:36I'm not with anyone.
05:37You'll be with me.
05:38You'll be with Mark.
05:39I don't want to be the third wheel.
05:40Don't be silly.
05:41Mark will be the third wheel.
05:45I don't want to do that.
05:47Fran Devino's office?
05:51What?
05:53No, no.
05:53It must be a mistake.
05:54What?
05:55Cheryl.
05:56She says there's some guy here with my dry cleaning.
05:58Tell him he's got the wrong office.
05:59Cheryl, tell him to leave or we'll close security.
06:04I'm just going to go home and cut up pictures of men.
06:08Come on, James.
06:09Stay for the party.
06:11Did you ever worry you were going to be
06:12alone for the rest of your life?
06:14You're going to find someone if it kills me.
06:17To 1990, this is going to be your year.
06:23Thank god the 80s are over.
06:28Hi.
06:30Hi.
06:32So you're still grieving the loss of your parents, huh?
06:36What?
06:37Beams fell on her parents in an earthquake.
06:39It was tragic.
06:40And it happened like that.
06:42What are you doing with my dry cleaning?
06:44Well, you dropped the slip last night
06:46as you hijacked my newspaper.
06:48How did you find her?
06:50I went to the dry cleaners.
06:51And they told you where I worked?
06:53Well, I told them I was your houseboy Coco.
06:58And they just pointed me here to this building.
07:00How did you find this office?
07:01I'm not listed in the lobby.
07:03I described you.
07:04To whom?
07:05To receptionists on the first 33 floors.
07:08You trapped her down just to deliver her dry cleaning.
07:13Well, not exactly.
07:14How did you describe me?
07:16I feel like I'm being grilled.
07:17You are.
07:20What's your name?
07:22Paul.
07:23Paul Buckman.
07:24I don't hate it.
07:26How did you describe me, Paul?
07:28Pushy.
07:30Pushy and pretty.
07:32Do you think I'm pretty?
07:37Yeah.
07:39Well, I'm going to go to the Christmas party.
07:43Oh, here, let me take this.
07:44Your fingers are turning white.
07:46Nice to meet you.
07:47Paul.
07:50They didn't get the stain out.
07:52I hope you didn't pay them for this.
07:54Actually, I did, but that's OK.
07:55That's not OK.
07:56They didn't get the stain out.
07:57What stain?
07:58Right there.
07:58That's a stain.
07:59Well, I didn't even see it.
08:00I'm sorry.
08:01Did you get a receipt?
08:04No.
08:05Why didn't you get a receipt?
08:07No, it never occurred to me.
08:08You don't know to get a receipt?
08:11Look, it's the first time I've ever picked up
08:13a strange woman's dry cleaning.
08:15Well, what do I owe you?
08:17Oh, no, that's OK.
08:19Don't be silly.
08:19I don't want you to pay for my dry cleaning.
08:21It was my pleasure.
08:22No, no, here's $20.
08:23It was $17.
08:24Keep it.
08:25I didn't come up here for a tip.
08:28What did you come up here for, then?
08:31Because I figured, you know, you needed
08:32your clothes for the holidays.
08:34That was very considerate.
08:35Yeah, well, you know, born and raised in New York.
08:40Why did you really come up here?
08:42Because I wanted to meet you.
08:44Why?
08:47I don't know.
08:48Because since last night, I've been thinking about you.
08:53How do I know you're not some ax murderer?
08:57Do these look like hands that have ever held an ax?
09:01How do you know I'm not a married woman?
09:03No ring.
09:05How do you know I'm not a married woman
09:06who's just been mugged?
09:09Boy, you're making this very hard.
09:11Well, what would you do if you were at work
09:13and some woman walked in with your dry cleaning?
09:14I'd say, Ma, go away.
09:19Look, can I buy you dinner sometime?
09:23Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God, oh, God.
09:25I'm sorry, is that an answer?
09:28What do you expect me to say?
09:29How about, sounds great.
09:31When do you want to pick me up?
09:32Please don't make me do this.
09:33Do what?
09:34I just can't take dating anymore.
09:38I just spent half a day trying to track you down.
09:41Well, I didn't ask you to come up here.
09:42I know that.
09:43I came up because I wanted to.
09:45And I appreciate it.
09:46Thank you, really, for the laundry.
09:51OK.
10:00You know what?
10:02Next time you're crying in your daiquiri
10:04that you can't meet a nice guy, just remember that you met one
10:07and you pushed him out the door.
10:10You swear you told 33 people today that I was pretty?
10:17Yes.
10:18Pretty and with a very sexy voice.
10:21You did not.
10:22Go down to 32, ask Luanne.
10:26You know, I'm really tired of you not trusting me.
10:33I don't even know you.
10:35Well, I don't know you either.
10:36So then why should I trust you?
10:37I could be standing on Third Avenue right now selling
10:38your clothes for a tidy profit.
10:40You wouldn't do that.
10:41This is what I'm saying.
10:47Will you tell me something honestly?
10:51Do you like Christmas parties, Paul?
10:56I love Christmas parties, Jay Stemple.
11:04I don't care what the guy has got on his head.
11:15This Gorbachev is a genius.
11:17I guarantee you, five years from now,
11:19Russia will dominate the globe.
11:21Lester, shoo.
11:23It's OK, really.
11:24I'm sorry.
11:25Christmas!
11:26Lester.
11:30You're having a terrible time, aren't you?
11:32I'm having fun.
11:35You don't know me.
11:35This is me having fun.
11:38Really?
11:39Really.
11:40I'm having a great time.
11:41And you've never been with a man?
11:47Why? What did you hear?
11:48I'm just making sure.
11:49Hi, Paul.
11:50This is my husband, Mark.
11:51Mark, this is Paul.
11:53Hey, you're right.
11:54They do look good together.
11:57How are you?
11:58I understand you two, you met at a newsstand
12:00and you tracked her down all day?
12:02OK.
12:03Oh, it's fantastic.
12:05It's fantastic because she was so depressed.
12:07And now, this.
12:09This is fantastic.
12:12Thank you, Mark.
12:13I'll tell you what, Paul.
12:15We love this girl.
12:16And I love you too, Mark.
12:18Fran, get him out of here.
12:20Come on, honey.
12:21They want to be alone.
12:25It's fantastic.
12:28Mark can be a little festive.
12:30He seems very nice.
12:31I like him.
12:32God, you're really on first date behavior, aren't you?
12:35Well, what's wrong with first dates?
12:38They're like an adventure.
12:39I'm just wondering when I'm going
12:40to get to see the real you.
12:41Oh, not for quite some time.
12:43What am I, nuts?
12:46Well, come on, help yourself.
12:47No, I can't do that.
12:49Why not?
12:51I'm uneasy with starting a cheese.
12:55Excuse me?
12:57I figure you've got a nice, perfect triangle here,
12:59so who am I to ruin it?
13:00You're always this reckless?
13:02Oh, yeah.
13:03I come from a whole family of daredevils.
13:05My sisters both went to school out of state.
13:09So you have sisters?
13:10Two.
13:11Yeah, me too.
13:11Oh, that's funny.
13:12Well, actually one, but she's sort of a split personality.
13:16I have to steal her for five minutes.
13:19The boss is telling his Rose Bowl story.
13:21She's got to hear this.
13:22I've heard it.
13:23If you want to get ahead in this firm,
13:24you've got to hear it a lot.
13:26Come on, his ass is right under the mistletoe.
13:33Shh.
13:45Hey, Bob.
13:47Hey, where's everybody?
13:50Oh, they just went to hear the boss tell his Rose Bowl story.
13:53Oh, right, right.
13:58So.
13:59So.
14:00So.
14:03Look, I have an assignment.
14:04I got to get information.
14:06What do they want to know?
14:07Well, the usual, you know.
14:09How much money do you make?
14:11Like, net or gross?
14:12Ballpark is fine.
14:13I do OK.
14:16Own or rent?
14:17I'm renting.
14:18Previous marriages?
14:19None.
14:19Smoker?
14:20No.
14:20Drinker?
14:20No.
14:21You ever been with a man?
14:21She already asked.
14:26I think that's it.
14:27OK.
14:29Well, let me ask you something.
14:31What's the story with her?
14:32Oh, with Jamie?
14:33Oh, Jamie.
14:34Jamie's great.
14:35Yeah, yeah, grew up in New Haven.
14:36Went to Yale.
14:37Ever been with a man?
14:38Who, me or Jamie?
14:41Look, what you do, it's your business.
14:43Hey, come on, look.
14:44I'm a married man.
14:46Although, once.
14:48Once, I had this dream about Pierce Brosnan.
14:53Tell me, tell me something about her.
14:56Uh, Jamie?
14:57Yeah, yeah.
14:58Well, I could tell you this.
14:59Oh, I think she likes you.
15:01No.
15:02No, no, no, no.
15:03Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think she does.
15:04Yeah, because, well, you know, you could sense these things.
15:07Because when you know somebody that long,
15:09you can sort of read the signs.
15:11What signs?
15:13Fran told me.
15:17At Temple University, I met a young woman
15:21I can't believe we're doing this.
15:23Well, just check his bio from the director's guild.
15:25Any guy can say he's a filmmaker.
15:28Wow, he won an NEA grant.
15:30Really?
15:31That means he's got talent.
15:33And look at this, 1980 winner, most promising filmmaker,
15:36NYU film school.
15:37I knew it, it's always something.
15:39I never do well with creative types.
15:41What about that poet you dated down on Jane Street?
15:44Monroe?
15:44Maybe the police were wrong.
15:48I hate this.
15:48Look at me, what am I doing?
15:49I don't want to get my hopes up again.
15:51What do I always say?
15:53If you go into a store, assuming they don't have your size,
15:56you come out with nothing.
15:58He thinks I have a sexy voice.
16:00He's a nice guy.
16:02And he's cute.
16:03He is, isn't he?
16:03Yeah, and he gets a little twinkle in his eye.
16:04I know, I know, I know, he's so cute.
16:07A day at Barney's wouldn't kill him.
16:08I know.
16:09But he's good raw material.
16:15You guys ever watch Remington Steel?
16:20You two gals are doing great.
16:22Aw, thanks, Manny.
16:24Aw, thanks, Mr. Gantz.
16:25Hey, Mr. Gantz, how are you?
16:26Hey, happy holidays, Mark, nice to see you.
16:28Hey, nice to see you.
16:29Listen, Fran tells me you once played in the Rose Bowl.
16:32Ah, yeah, yeah, New Year's Day, 1950.
16:37It was cool in California.
16:3963 degrees.
16:41Right.
16:46We were trailing Cal by a touchdown.
16:49Psychologically, we were beaten.
16:52And just before halftime, Arthur Dworkin twisted an ankle.
16:55And that's when they moved me over to first trombone.
17:02Hey, you know, maybe we could double for New Year's.
17:04Yeah, well, we'll see.
17:05Great, great, can you get me a date?
17:06Hi.
17:07Excuse me one second.
17:08Sorry.
17:09Hi, hi.
17:10Sorry.
17:11No, it's OK, I'm fine.
17:11You're not having a good time.
17:13Let's go someplace.
17:13Oh, no, I'm having a great time.
17:15Well, I'm not having a good time.
17:16OK, then let's get the hell out of here.
17:19Um, where do you want to go?
17:20Oh, just everywhere.
17:22Everywhere?
17:22That's what I'm feeling.
17:23I just want to take you everywhere.
17:27Listen, I'm not looking for a relationship.
17:30Yeah, but what would you do if you found one?
17:35Ask me out right now.
17:37Come on, I'll buy you dinner.
17:39Where do you feel like going?
17:40Anyplace near me.
17:41That way, if it doesn't work out,
17:42you don't have to spring for campfire.
17:44Where do you live?
17:45Upper West Side.
17:46I'm on West 81st.
17:48Are you kidding?
17:49Me, too.
17:51I'm at 129.
17:52142?
17:53You live across the street from me.
17:56Oh, that's unbelievable.
17:59I'm just going to say a few quick goodbyes.
18:03It was the Rodgers and Hammerstein medley
18:05that turned it around for us.
18:07Good night, everybody.
18:08Merry Christmas.
18:10Jamie, have you heard my Rose Bon story?
18:14Yes, I have.
18:15I told it to my family.
18:20Great, so we'll go over to Melon's,
18:21we'll grab something to eat, and I'll walk you home.
18:25You're sure you don't have a girlfriend?
18:27I have a dog, but he knows I date.
18:31Why do you keep looking for something wrong?
18:33Because I'm smart.
18:34Don't be so smart, and let's just go get a hamburger.
18:38Wait, um, I need to tell you something.
18:44You're not going to fire me, are you?
18:49I thought about you, too, last night.
18:52And then when you found me here today,
18:54it's like it was too good to be true.
18:58Now, you seem to be this nice guy.
19:03Well, I can see why you're troubled.
19:08Do you realize if this doesn't work out,
19:10I'm going to have to blow my brains out?
19:12That's good.
19:13As long as there's no pressure.
19:14Yeah.
19:19I just don't want to be disappointed again.
19:26I'll do my best.
19:29OK.
19:31Here's your scarf.
19:32Hm?
19:33Oh.
19:36Honey, could you take this?
19:39I'm sorry, did you just call me honey?
19:42No.
19:45I didn't think so.
19:51Oh, wow.
19:53Look at that city, that's beautiful.
19:57That's a beautiful city.
20:00Can you imagine how many millions of people
20:03there are out there that you're just never going to meet?
20:07Think of the people in this building you never meet.
20:11Can't believe you didn't know Luanne.
20:15Boy, it's funny.
20:16You know, there are people that even if you didn't.
20:41Did you just kiss me?
20:44No.
20:47I didn't think so.
20:50Let's go.
21:01Oh, we forgot the dry cleaning.
21:11Oh.
21:26Listen, uh, you didn't by any chance
21:29have my bio faxed over here, did you?
21:33No.
21:34I wouldn't think so.
21:34Yeah.
21:39Man About You will be right back.
21:43There is nothing like the Rose Bowl.
21:45I mean, the smell of the grass, the roar of the crowd.
21:49I had 100,000 people on the edge of their seats.
21:52When I played a six bar solo from South Pacific,
21:56it brought them to their feet.
21:59It was halftime, we were forming the letter C,
22:01and that's when Barbara Bierman blindsided
22:04me with her tuba.
22:05Split my lip.
22:07It was after that that I knew I could never go pro.
22:13This is a fantastic story.
22:14This is fantastic.
22:16Tell it again.