The Private Life of Samuel Pepys British Comedy Portrays the Historical Diarist 2003 Subtitles
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Samuel Pepys was a high ranking and brilliant Admiralty official, but in private he was a cheat, a philanderer and an adulterer. In 1679 Pepys was put on trial for embezzling Navy funds. His diaries can clear him but they will also expose him for what he is, destroying him as a public figure in society. Will Pepys exonerate yet damn himself by revealing the contents of his diaries or will he hang?
Starring: Steve Coogan, Lou Doillon, Andrew Harrison
Samuel Pepys was a high ranking and brilliant Admiralty official, but in private he was a cheat, a philanderer and an adulterer. In 1679 Pepys was put on trial for embezzling Navy funds. His diaries can clear him but they will also expose him for what he is, destroying him as a public figure in society. Will Pepys exonerate yet damn himself by revealing the contents of his diaries or will he hang?
Starring: Steve Coogan, Lou Doillon, Andrew Harrison
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
00:00:24All right, this may be my last chance.
00:00:26I need to sit.
00:00:27Yes, yes, there we go.
00:00:28OK.
00:00:29OK.
00:00:30Oh.
00:00:46Yes?
00:00:48The court awaits, Mr. Pepys.
00:00:53Two minutes.
00:00:54Oh, thank you very much.
00:01:00You'll come with us, sir?
00:01:01Unhand me.
00:01:10I am a gentleman.
00:01:11You are a false, rotten-hearted rogue, Mr. Pepys.
00:01:16And everyone knows it.
00:01:20Admit your guilt, and I'll see you escape with your life.
00:01:24I know this town.
00:01:26Kill my reputation.
00:01:27And I die, too.
00:01:29Reputation is just the stench a corpse leaves behind.
00:01:32Hung, drawn, and quartered, Mr. Pepys.
00:01:37Watch while I dangle those overactive, private parts
00:01:41of yours in front of your nose.
00:01:42And when you're finally dead, the devil
00:01:45will take over where I left off.
00:01:48Samuel Pepys, you are charged with committing
00:01:52the most heinous of crimes against your king and country.
00:01:57You are called here today to answer charges of corruption.
00:02:01And what do they charge me with?
00:02:02That I spied for the French.
00:02:04That I accepted bribes.
00:02:06I never spied for the French.
00:02:08State secrets, thereby willfully aiding
00:02:11and abetting the enemy.
00:02:14I call that treason.
00:02:17Treason.
00:02:27Hooray!
00:02:44Eh, eh, eh.
00:02:52Good night, Waltie.
00:02:54Samuel, now that we are joined together,
00:02:58we wish never to be a stain on your family.
00:03:03Excellent.
00:03:04I'm sure you won't.
00:03:07Good night.
00:03:07Yet, good brother.
00:03:10In law.
00:03:12Situation of financial situation
00:03:16is such that I fear we cannot maintain the exotic standards.
00:03:19My god.
00:03:21You want money now?
00:03:24I...
00:03:30Good night.
00:03:32We are in a very...
00:03:34Death and damnation.
00:03:37Good night.
00:03:38If you stay any longer, it will be our first anniversary.
00:03:42Ah, Samuel.
00:03:43May I call you son?
00:03:44No, fuck off.
00:03:46Is it just you, or is your mother in there?
00:03:56I came here.
00:03:58I know no one but my family.
00:04:00And now you're terrible to them.
00:04:01And they are gone.
00:04:02And I know no one at all.
00:04:05Do you know me?
00:04:06I don't.
00:04:07I don't know you.
00:04:08I'm ever so alone.
00:04:11What do you want?
00:04:13A dog.
00:04:14I want a dog.
00:04:18Now?
00:04:19Now.
00:04:21Now we do the married thing.
00:04:24My mother told me what to expect.
00:04:26A little pain the first time.
00:04:28But after that, I won't feel a thing.
00:04:30A little pain the first time.
00:04:32But after that, I won't feel a thing.
00:04:42Mr. Pepys.
00:04:45Mr. Pepys, you're married now.
00:04:48No.
00:04:50I'm a man now.
00:04:52She's just a child.
00:04:55You're not.
00:04:58No one who works as hard as me can be a child.
00:05:01You were right, all of you.
00:05:03I shouldn't have married a French woman.
00:05:04I don't understand her.
00:05:06It's not the French bit you don't understand.
00:05:09It's the woman.
00:05:14Show her a little kindness.
00:05:18Buy her a present.
00:05:28I have a surprise for you.
00:05:30Is it a dress?
00:05:32A hat?
00:05:34A dog?
00:05:40It's a turkey.
00:05:42It's for Sunday lunch.
00:05:44Why this do you give to me?
00:05:46Take it into the yard and kill it.
00:05:50Samuel, I have a surprise for you.
00:05:53I do not kill turkeys.
00:05:55Call Jane.
00:05:57She's at Deptford.
00:05:59In France, I tell the maid.
00:06:01And the maid tells the undermaid.
00:06:03And the undermaid tells the cook.
00:06:05And the cook tells the boy.
00:06:07Yes, but you're not in France, are you?
00:06:09You're in England.
00:06:11And your family don't have an undermaid.
00:06:13Or an under-undermaid.
00:06:15They have nothing.
00:06:17The clothes on your back are mine.
00:06:19Paid for by my money.
00:06:21Take them off.
00:06:24There.
00:06:30I believe this smock is mine, too.
00:06:34Could you see me naked?
00:06:36Your own wife?
00:06:38Where is it?
00:06:40Fool, you have lost a turkey.
00:06:42You cannot go into the street dressed like that.
00:06:44Elizabeth?
00:06:46Witches.
00:06:48Never mind.
00:06:52Now must I assassinate two turkeys?
00:06:54I thought you couldn't.
00:06:56The boy was useless.
00:06:58I always had to do it in the end.
00:07:00Ah!
00:07:02Sam.
00:07:04Sam, are you all right?
00:07:06I'm fine.
00:07:08I'm fine.
00:07:10I'm fine.
00:07:12Sam, are you ill?
00:07:14Sam.
00:07:16You must never leave me.
00:07:24Merch.
00:07:26Your eminence.
00:07:36It's all right.
00:07:38This is not my usual attire.
00:07:41You see, the navy discovered
00:07:43a paper spot
00:07:45and we confiscated
00:07:47their vestments.
00:07:53More communion wine, Jane.
00:08:05I know it's not that funny.
00:08:07But this is
00:08:09my patron,
00:08:11Lord Edward Montagu,
00:08:13Cromwell's general at sea.
00:08:15When he's sober,
00:08:17I'm his clerk.
00:08:19Drunk, he treats me as an equal
00:08:21as long as I laugh.
00:08:23As long as I laugh when he does.
00:08:31What's that?
00:08:33Your kidney stone
00:08:36or love.
00:08:38Your face looks the same
00:08:40with either affliction.
00:08:42I don't spend your money.
00:08:44I never spend your money.
00:08:46You're not what you is other women.
00:08:48I'm talking in French!
00:09:06Pretend sinners!
00:09:08Pretend sinners!
00:09:10Pretend sinners!
00:09:12Pretend sinners!
00:09:14Pretend for damn your gatherings!
00:09:16For damn your gatherings!
00:09:18The Bible says women should be
00:09:20not only in the flesh,
00:09:22but also in the blood.
00:09:24In the blood.
00:09:26In the blood.
00:09:28In the blood.
00:09:30In the blood.
00:09:32In the blood.
00:09:34The Bible says women should be meek
00:09:36and obedient.
00:09:40Perhaps they don't have that bit in France.
00:09:44I think in truth it is all women
00:09:46who are slaves to passion.
00:09:48Men must learn to ride out these storms.
00:09:50For women do not bear grudges
00:09:52as men do.
00:09:54A kind word, a gift,
00:09:56and they are quite restored to happiness.
00:09:58Now I understand this,
00:10:00I feel my affection for Elizabeth
00:10:02She's gone.
00:10:04Where?
00:10:06Back to her family.
00:10:08No, I've never heard such a thing.
00:10:14No, no, no, she'll be back.
00:10:16You must heard,
00:10:18she's probably gone on an errand.
00:10:22She's taken all her clothes.
00:10:24She said you were always looking
00:10:26at other women.
00:10:28Oh, Mr. Peakes!
00:10:31Other men marry for money and are happy.
00:10:33I marry for love and she leaves me!
00:10:39I break the hearts
00:10:41of half the world
00:10:43and she
00:10:45breaks mine.
00:10:47I
00:10:49break the hearts
00:10:51of half the world.
00:10:55I fought a master at Moor.
00:10:57I fought at Naseby.
00:10:59To put yourself
00:11:01in the hands
00:11:03of a surgeon,
00:11:05well, that takes
00:11:07courage.
00:11:09To Sam!
00:11:11To Sam and his stone,
00:11:13may they soon be parted.
00:11:15Let us make music tonight
00:11:17for tomorrow we die.
00:11:19We must find
00:11:21you a post in the diplomatic service.
00:11:25How is
00:11:28La Belle Elizabeth?
00:11:32We never quarrel now.
00:11:34Yes, I heard she'd left you.
00:11:38This
00:11:40is Betty Bagwell.
00:11:42Her husband's a carpenter on the Gazelle.
00:11:44You might have heard of it.
00:11:46Yes, a fourth-rater, 18 guns,
00:11:48captured from the Spanish off Dunkirk in 53.
00:11:50And given the state of her,
00:11:52we should probably hand her back.
00:11:54That's odd. Someone from the Navy board
00:11:56who knows something about the Navy.
00:11:58Gentlemen, find facts beneath them.
00:12:00Sam loves them.
00:12:02Put your
00:12:04heart into your work, Sam,
00:12:06and we'll rise together.
00:12:12My husband says
00:12:14it's only the rats holding hands
00:12:16what keeps the Gazelle from sinking.
00:12:18He'd like
00:12:20a commission on a good ship,
00:12:22a vessel where a little prize money
00:12:24might come his way.
00:12:28Here's a little something to help you remember
00:12:30my petition.
00:12:34Oh, I can't see.
00:12:36You do have something down there, don't you?
00:12:38I'm, um,
00:12:40I'm stitched in for the winter.
00:12:42Oh.
00:12:46All right.
00:12:48So,
00:12:50what do you fancy on your last night on Earth?
00:12:54Oh.
00:12:58You've never seen a woman naked?
00:13:06Just like in the paintings.
00:13:08But without one of them
00:13:10cherubs in just the wrong place.
00:13:13Can I?
00:13:15My William Bagwell. You'll get him on the Naismay.
00:13:25I shall think of this tomorrow
00:13:27when they cut me.
00:13:29Oh!
00:13:31I do believe
00:13:33he could do the operation himself.
00:13:35He knows everything about medicine.
00:13:40What is this?
00:13:42That's the itinerarium.
00:13:44And what do I do with it?
00:13:46I don't know.
00:13:48I don't know.
00:13:50I don't know.
00:13:52I don't know.
00:13:54I don't know.
00:13:56I don't know.
00:13:58I don't know.
00:14:01What do I do with it?
00:14:03You insert it
00:14:05in the end of the penis
00:14:07and push it
00:14:09into the bladder to feel for the stone.
00:14:11Excellent.
00:14:13What do I do with this
00:14:15and these?
00:14:17Um,
00:14:19you make a three-inch incision
00:14:21one finger's breadth
00:14:23from the line between the testicles
00:14:25and the anus
00:14:27and then reach into my bladder
00:14:29Behold, the young scientist.
00:14:31It is most excellent
00:14:33to find a patient
00:14:35who has no irrational fear
00:14:40no irrational fears.
00:14:44Jane, I want you to say a word to Elizabeth.
00:14:46I did yesterday.
00:14:48Then we must wait.
00:14:50We must wait until she comes.
00:14:52This often happens.
00:14:54Jane,
00:14:56some money for the pork.
00:14:58A shilling.
00:15:00Five shillings.
00:15:02Take it from my person.
00:15:04Tell her.
00:15:06The itinerarium.
00:15:08If fortune smiles on us,
00:15:10you will faint from the pain.
00:15:12Oh, God forgive me.
00:15:14Oh, oh, oh, oh.
00:15:24To the Lord my Admiral,
00:15:27Charles II
00:15:29and Clerk of the Acts to the Navy Board
00:15:31to receive bribes
00:15:33and divers' inducements.
00:15:35Corruption!
00:15:37Says Lord Shaftsworth.
00:15:39There's a rotting intestine stink out the court.
00:15:43Corruption!
00:15:45And is this because he hates corruption?
00:15:47No.
00:15:49He hates me.
00:15:51That a tailor's son has become more powerful than a lord.
00:15:53When I was in his employ
00:15:55I haven't seen him for a while.
00:15:57I see him passing naval secrets
00:15:59to the French ambassador.
00:16:01Tall fella, French accent.
00:16:03His wife organises...
00:16:05My wife was a creature of spotless reputation.
00:16:07You should read his diary.
00:16:09How dare you insult her...
00:16:11Read his what?
00:16:13A diary.
00:16:15I've seen him scribble, scribble, scribble
00:16:17every night.
00:16:19He puts it all in.
00:16:21Bribes and the women.
00:16:24Why didn't you mention this before?
00:16:26You will produce
00:16:28this diary, Mr Peebs.
00:16:34I can't.
00:16:40I've lost it.
00:16:42What more proof do we need of his guilt?
00:16:54You'd better pay for this damage.
00:16:56Sir! Sir!
00:17:04Cudenda!
00:17:06Filth!
00:17:12Where's this damn diary?
00:17:20They say that at Heaven's Gate
00:17:22St Peter has a book
00:17:24for all our sins writ large.
00:17:30I think I have done his work for him.
00:17:36When I die
00:17:38to what shall I awake?
00:17:40There.
00:17:42Quite the biggers this year.
00:17:44Sam.
00:17:46I came when I heard.
00:17:50I married for love.
00:17:54I thought it would be easier.
00:17:58Yeah, I think now.
00:18:00Perhaps.
00:18:03I thought it would be easier.
00:18:07Yeah, I think now.
00:18:09Perhaps this is harder.
00:18:11Sam.
00:18:13I married for love too.
00:18:27God has given me life a second time
00:18:29and I intend to use it to the full
00:18:31for the rest of my days.
00:18:33And this?
00:18:35Cromwell's dead
00:18:37and there's talk of them bringing back Charles Sandler's king.
00:18:39So the army have marched into town
00:18:41and when there's soldiers in town
00:18:43you bury your cheese,
00:18:45your wine and your money.
00:18:49Unfortunately
00:18:51you can't bury your wife.
00:18:53My beautiful wife.
00:18:55Will!
00:18:57Have you seen my kidney stone?
00:19:00I swear he sleeps with it beneath his pillow.
00:19:04And I can afford it
00:19:06so I'll have it mounted in silver.
00:19:08Sam.
00:19:10We live in a time when history is busy.
00:19:12You've heard Charles Stuart wishes to return his king?
00:19:14Fear not, sir.
00:19:16I am constant.
00:19:18I saw the old king's execution and with good fortune
00:19:20I'll see them chop the head off his son.
00:19:22Sam.
00:19:24No! If he dare come, our navy will capture him.
00:19:26I would take the axe myself.
00:19:28Our navy will bring him here
00:19:30under my command.
00:19:32I shall become his Lord High Admiral
00:19:34and you shall become
00:19:36his Lord High Admiral's secretary.
00:19:42Charles Stuart.
00:19:46There are those who speak well of him.
00:19:52He'll make a rotten king
00:19:54but that's the way
00:19:56the wind blows.
00:19:58My other clerks I shall dismiss.
00:20:00We don't wish to employ
00:20:02those who follow the round head cause
00:20:04too stiffly.
00:20:10You favour me because I am pliable.
00:20:12Sam, you are a man of
00:20:14strong principles
00:20:16but different ones
00:20:18for different occasions.
00:20:20I like that in a man.
00:20:22Now, fetch me some more ale.
00:20:25Hmm.
00:20:27Who's this little fellow?
00:20:29Goldie Mulliver. After you, Sam.
00:20:31Yes.
00:20:33Well, we may have to change
00:20:35both their names.
00:20:39Fetch!
00:20:41Ah!
00:20:53What a remarkable boy.
00:20:55Even has the voice of a woman.
00:21:00There's the breast of a woman.
00:21:02Fool, it is a woman.
00:21:05Oh!
00:21:07Oh!
00:21:09A woman playing
00:21:11a woman in the theatre?
00:21:13What will they think of next?
00:21:15Stead, look at that.
00:21:17At least we can
00:21:19thank King Charles for something.
00:21:25Very beautiful.
00:21:31This theatre is wrong!
00:21:33Wrong! It is sacrilege!
00:21:35It is blasphemy!
00:21:37It is blasphemous sacrilege!
00:21:39And you, a woman, pretending to be a woman!
00:21:41Why did you and Mr. Hewer go to see Bane
00:21:43executed?
00:21:45Did you know the round head Treddon?
00:21:47He was a good man.
00:21:49We all knew him.
00:21:51Sam didn't.
00:21:53Yes, it's strange. There's not a man
00:21:55in England who fought with Cromwell.
00:21:57It is mighty odd
00:21:59how he won the war.
00:22:01You will burn! Burn in fire!
00:22:03You will take no more executions
00:22:05of old comrades than what is like Hawke's Sand.
00:22:07And as for your man, Will Hewer,
00:22:09he reeks too much of Cromwell.
00:22:11Dismiss him and find yourself a royalist clerk.
00:22:13Just, just do it.
00:22:19Why do they shriek from me?
00:22:21My lord, it is your sneezing
00:22:23that I think you have to plead.
00:22:25Oh, is that it?
00:22:27I'll teach you! I'll teach you!
00:22:30Fall down!
00:22:34Do you have any swelling?
00:22:36Oh, be not a weird, Sam.
00:22:38Your patron
00:22:40and your job
00:22:42are quite safe.
00:22:44Anyhow, there'll be no plague this year.
00:22:46That's the first sign of it.
00:22:48All the doctors are leaving London.
00:22:50You should be witty more often.
00:22:52We'll yet mistake you for a gentleman.
00:22:54Oh,
00:22:56and beware your dancing master.
00:22:58He may look like he farts frankincense,
00:23:00but too many wives
00:23:02give birth to a baby that dances
00:23:04a fine jig in its crib.
00:23:14Mr. Pembleton?
00:23:16We've been working on the Caranto Venizio.
00:23:18Your delightful wife
00:23:20comes from France
00:23:22and it comes from Italy.
00:23:24Like the clap, then?
00:23:27Charles!
00:23:29Charlie! Charlie, come here!
00:23:31Stay out, Charles!
00:23:33Out!
00:23:37You weren't dancing.
00:23:39You were sitting.
00:23:41I couldn't dance.
00:23:43My monthlies.
00:23:47Her monthlies have started.
00:23:51I want a son.
00:23:53A child.
00:23:55Elizabeth fears
00:23:57the operation for the stone has gelded me.
00:23:59I fear she was right
00:24:01and I am a pen without ink.
00:24:03Samuel,
00:24:05the doctor's list.
00:24:07I do it! Every damn thing I do it.
00:24:09I drink sage and marmintent.
00:24:11I wear cool Holland drawers.
00:24:13I treat my testes
00:24:15like they were princes.
00:24:17And that is not how a wife should dress in company!
00:24:19You don't think you have the plague already?
00:24:21Sam,
00:24:23if you're jealous of Mr. Purbelton,
00:24:25replace him with a lady's companion.
00:24:27That's what I truly want.
00:24:29I am not jealous.
00:24:31And besides, not having children,
00:24:33why must the font lie with me?
00:24:35Perhaps childlessness runs in your family.
00:24:43Brother Samuel!
00:24:45How much?
00:24:49When do you call me brother, you want money?
00:24:52I have come to offer you money.
00:24:54Ha.
00:24:56You are about to be made clerk
00:24:58to the arts of the Navy Board.
00:25:00How do you know that?
00:25:02I barely know it myself.
00:25:04What in holy God's name is that?
00:25:06It was a plague.
00:25:08I have come
00:25:10to offer you
00:25:12500 pounds per annum
00:25:14for the employee.
00:25:16You want to buy
00:25:18my job off me?
00:25:20And you would give me
00:25:22500 pounds a year
00:25:24for a postage pay of 350?
00:25:26Exactement.
00:25:28Mr. Peeps,
00:25:30there's two men to see you.
00:25:32Compler the sailmaker and that tall timber merchant.
00:25:34And do they have any
00:25:36packages, envelopes,
00:25:38small bags with them?
00:25:40Yeah.
00:25:42Someone sent a haunch of venison
00:25:44and some silk and some sherry.
00:25:46Mmm.
00:25:50It seems word is out I'm in charge of naval contracts.
00:25:54Balty, 1200 guineas and the job's yours.
00:25:56You have grown a mighty proud
00:25:58for one of Cromwell's clerks.
00:26:00It helps if you know something
00:26:02about the Navy.
00:26:06Wind fucker.
00:26:20I remember
00:26:22such merry milkmaids
00:26:24from when I was a boy.
00:26:26Don't remember that.
00:26:28It's the plague.
00:26:30Makes the whole world mad.
00:26:32The plague is a cruel creature indeed.
00:26:34100,000 dead and it's missed Balty.
00:26:40So, uh,
00:26:42shall we have our
00:26:44picnic here?
00:26:47Picnic here?
00:26:49Come on.
00:26:51I know what it means
00:26:53when you come to me with a fresh lobster
00:26:55and a bottle of wine.
00:26:57Uh. Uh.
00:26:59Uh. Uh.
00:27:01Uh. Uh.
00:27:03Uh. Uh.
00:27:05Uh.
00:27:11Don't worry.
00:27:13Everyone does it up here in Eslington.
00:27:17Sam. Yes?
00:27:19Use your finger.
00:27:21Uh, where?
00:27:25Where do you think?
00:27:27Are you sure?
00:27:29Yes, I'm sure.
00:27:31Just like you're using
00:27:33your abacus.
00:27:35Um.
00:27:37The lobster's getting away.
00:27:39It's a long way to the sea.
00:27:41Uh.
00:27:43Uh.
00:27:45Uh.
00:27:47Uh.
00:27:49Uh.
00:27:51Uh.
00:28:05Of what do you write?
00:28:11Um.
00:28:13Last Sunday's sermon.
00:28:15Very interesting.
00:28:17About the, uh,
00:28:19about the sacred nature of marriage.
00:28:25I gave her a lobster
00:28:27and
00:28:29Nula
00:28:31put it in a gut.
00:28:33Took her some mamel
00:28:35came with her
00:28:37placoza
00:28:39with great pleasure.
00:28:43You know how I like to drift into Latin
00:28:45when I speak of religious matters?
00:28:49And Spanish?
00:28:55Are there many lobsters in the Bible?
00:29:01If you were ever to break commandment
00:29:03against adultery
00:29:05I'm not like other wives, Sam.
00:29:08I won't look the other way.
00:29:10Elizabeth, I...
00:29:12I love the irregularities in the way you run your office
00:29:14and I wouldn't hesitate to tell the world.
00:29:16I won't share you, Sam.
00:29:32I think she says these things
00:29:34because she loves me.
00:29:36Besides, I have resolved now
00:29:38to be utterly faithful.
00:29:42No more moles, madams
00:29:44nor mother midnights.
00:29:46No more clingfasts
00:29:48nor golden-locked
00:29:50insatiates.
00:29:54No more buttered buns
00:29:56nor blousabellas.
00:30:00No more
00:30:02punks, chilts
00:30:05drabs
00:30:07smuts
00:30:09cracks
00:30:11tom-tods
00:30:13nor spigot-sucking Venus nuns.
00:30:17Farewell false fireship
00:30:19and lewd frigatrix.
00:30:23No more
00:30:25sleepy-eyed slattons for me.
00:30:29I shall not stray
00:30:31to Bettyland again.
00:30:35And if I do
00:30:37I shall put a full crown
00:30:39in the parish poor box.
00:30:45So will there be a war with the Dutch?
00:30:47A naval war.
00:30:49My lieutenant Bagwell's a good tarpaulin.
00:30:51Knows the ropes.
00:30:53Not like all these gentlemen captains.
00:30:55Half of them I've never seen.
00:30:57See before.
00:30:59He deserves promotion.
00:31:01At this rate
00:31:03he'll be an admiral.
00:31:07No, don't stop!
00:31:13Oh.
00:31:15Oh.
00:31:17Oh.
00:31:19You all right, Mrs Bagwell?
00:31:21I'm...
00:31:23What is it? A doctor?
00:31:25Is it the plague?
00:31:27It's the female climactic.
00:31:29Does that mean you're pregnant?
00:31:39Oh, I see.
00:31:41Your wife goes away from the bed empty-handed.
00:31:45What?
00:31:47Your finger, Sam.
00:31:51Use it on Elizabeth.
00:31:53Do not speak her name!
00:31:59You're shirking your duties, sir.
00:32:01These sheets need changing.
00:32:03I'll take no action this time.
00:32:05There is one other thing, Jane.
00:32:07Money for the poor box?
00:32:09I saw you leave with the lobster and port wine.
00:32:11I'll give them five shillings.
00:32:13A guinea.
00:32:15A guinea?
00:32:17A guinea, and get a receipt.
00:32:19A guinea, Mr Pepys?
00:32:21A guinea?
00:32:23Stop repeating everything I say, Jane.
00:32:28Thrash, the rope-maker,
00:32:30has sent me a letter about his contract
00:32:32with three Spanish gold pieces inside.
00:32:34And, uh,
00:32:36is Thrash a good rope-maker?
00:32:38Will his ropes hold fast in a storm?
00:32:40Well, yes.
00:32:42Then you can accept, with good conscience,
00:32:44the two gold coins.
00:32:46I'm afraid not.
00:32:48I'm afraid not.
00:32:50I'm afraid not.
00:32:52I'm afraid not.
00:32:54I'm afraid not.
00:32:56Two gold coins.
00:32:58Two?
00:33:00Two?
00:33:02This is how your office works.
00:33:04We take but a quarter
00:33:06of what those before us took.
00:33:08Though I...
00:33:10I do believe it is not to be
00:33:12my office for much longer.
00:33:14Lord Montague...
00:33:16I don't... Will,
00:33:18tell me, is all well
00:33:20with my wife?
00:33:22Your work brings you here
00:33:25when I'm away and
00:33:27Pembleton is here.
00:33:31Ah.
00:33:33And Mrs. Peep?
00:33:35You stutter.
00:33:39No, sir.
00:33:41Mrs. Peep's in Pembleton?
00:33:43Absolutely not.
00:33:49What are you doing?
00:33:51Of whatever it is, don't stop.
00:34:11I shouldn't have done that.
00:34:13I shouldn't have taken Betty's advice.
00:34:15I shouldn't have taken Betty's advice.
00:34:17Elizabeth's sure to ask me where I learnt it.
00:34:23Why hasn't she asked me where I learnt it?
00:34:25Is it not the first time a man has done that to her?
00:34:29Still, whatever else I do,
00:34:31I must make it up.
00:34:36Why did you not ask me where I learnt that?
00:34:38I don't care.
00:34:41It's just that you didn't seem very surprised.
00:34:44It's just that you didn't seem very surprised.
00:34:46It's just that you didn't seem very surprised.
00:34:48As if it wasn't the first time.
00:34:50I have fingers too.
00:34:52You mean you...
00:34:56Suppose that you're being French and everything.
00:35:00You're not just saying that.
00:35:02Very well, if it'll please you.
00:35:04Sam, why did you learn that?
00:35:08Damn.
00:35:10I should have thought of an answer, shouldn't I?
00:35:12Um, from Lord Montague.
00:35:14Um, from Lord Montague.
00:35:18In conversation, obviously.
00:35:20Not in practice.
00:35:22Sam,
00:35:24I swear to you, you've got nothing to fear.
00:35:26I swear to you, you've got nothing to fear.
00:35:28Especially if you get Lord Montague to teach you more.
00:35:30Especially if you get Lord Montague to teach you more.
00:35:32Yes.
00:35:35Listen.
00:35:37Sam?
00:35:39The guns.
00:35:41We've found the Dutch fleet.
00:35:43Jane!
00:35:49Well, he was in line for the royal touch.
00:35:51Well, he was in line for the royal touch.
00:35:53Oh, what is your affliction, I ask?
00:35:55Oh, what is your affliction, I ask?
00:35:57The rogue replies,
00:35:59I have the pox, Your Majesty.
00:36:01I have the pox, Your Majesty.
00:36:03And you should damn well keep it,
00:36:05I say, for I'm not touching that thing.
00:36:07And you should damn well keep it, I say, for I'm not touching that thing.
00:36:17A battle off Lowestoft,
00:36:19and we hear it in London.
00:36:27Um, it is the east wind, Your Majesty.
00:36:29Um, it is the east wind, Your Majesty.
00:36:31It will bring the Dutch fireships to our fleet.
00:36:35But we will be victorious, will we not, Mr. Pepys?
00:36:41We shall certainly overcome them, Your Majesty.
00:36:45Mr. Pepys?
00:36:51The navy is cruelly underfunded, Your Majesty.
00:36:53The navy is cruelly underfunded, Your Majesty.
00:37:01Obviously, we will be victorious.
00:37:07So, bring me the good news when it comes.
00:37:11Your Majesty.
00:37:21Never tell them the truth.
00:37:23Never tell them the truth.
00:37:27Our navy sits to sea with rotten gunpowder,
00:37:30and our navy sits to sea with rotten gunpowder,
00:37:32and our navy sits to sea with rotten gunpowder,
00:37:34and our navy sits to sea with rotten gunpowder.
00:37:36And why don't we...
00:37:38No!
00:37:40If we do nothing and something goes wrong,
00:37:42then we can blame the antiquated system.
00:37:44But if we reform the system...
00:37:46If we reform the system and something goes wrong,
00:37:48then the blame falls on us.
00:37:50And why haven't you dismissed Will Huwert?
00:37:52He is as I was to you, my lord.
00:37:54He, too, has a mouth that opens
00:37:56when it should be shut.
00:37:58And eyes that wander to your wife.
00:38:02You would never...
00:38:04He's more jealous of that dancing master than you.
00:38:06He's more jealous of that dancing master than you.
00:38:10Um, Mrs. Peat?
00:38:12Can you stutter?
00:38:18So, it's an Italian dance you practice, is it?
00:38:20I have heard of these Italian dances.
00:38:22I have heard of these Italian dances.
00:38:24You're too full. He has never even touched me.
00:38:27You're lying! You're lying!
00:38:29He doesn't even like women.
00:38:31So, it is Will?
00:38:33What? It's no one.
00:38:35Then who gave you this?
00:38:37You don't want to give the likes of this.
00:38:39It was a gift from your lord,
00:38:41from Montague.
00:38:53He'd make me his mistress.
00:38:57I said no, sir.
00:38:59You were not rude to him.
00:39:01Oh, you stupid, stupid man!
00:39:03No, I was not rude to him.
00:39:07The King Charles taken.
00:39:09And another
00:39:1115 ships.
00:39:15I think the devil shits Dutchmen.
00:39:19The Navy Board sent us to sea in ships that rot.
00:39:23While they line their own pockets.
00:39:27But you will bring us a victory,
00:39:29won't you?
00:39:31Well, the fleet sets out
00:39:33this morning, your majesty.
00:39:39Your majesty.
00:39:45The Dutch are winning.
00:39:47Perhaps you should change sides.
00:39:49Again.
00:39:51I should piss
00:39:53into his damn tube.
00:39:55Don't you say anything.
00:39:57You spent your time
00:39:59spying on your wife
00:40:01and her damn dancing master
00:40:03while he should be looking after our interests.
00:40:05That is not fair.
00:40:07Why haven't you dismissed Huwer?
00:40:09Charles brings a bunch of butted-ass
00:40:11liquors, grows stronger by the minute.
00:40:13And employ one of them,
00:40:15by some goodwill.
00:40:17I work
00:40:19from four in the morning
00:40:21to ten at night.
00:40:23When, my lord,
00:40:25I might have good cause to watch my wife.
00:40:29God.
00:40:31There's something to be said
00:40:33for an unfaithful wife, Sam.
00:40:37Never bother a husband
00:40:39about his excursions.
00:40:41My wife is faithful
00:40:43and will always be so.
00:40:45You may not have encountered women like her at court.
00:40:48And I shall be keeping Wilk Huwer.
00:40:50I need him to implement the reforms.
00:40:52Why suddenly so bold, Sam?
00:40:56Are you now a politician too?
00:41:04I know more than him.
00:41:06Work harder than him,
00:41:08do my job better than him.
00:41:10Yet if Shakespeare were to write a play of our lives,
00:41:12he would be the king and I the fool.
00:41:30Brought me some broth.
00:41:32Have you, Sam?
00:41:34Why are you kind to one you hate?
00:41:36To one the love letters with whom you burn?
00:41:40Kept the first letter you sent me.
00:41:48Why do we quarrel so?
00:41:52That is why you must have a companion,
00:41:54so you quarrel with her
00:41:56and not with me.
00:42:04Sam,
00:42:06I don't believe we'll be blissful as children.
00:42:08No, no, I...
00:42:10No, it's all right.
00:42:12We'll just have to learn to get along with each other.
00:42:18I swear to God
00:42:20I shall be faithful to this woman.
00:42:22Though the poor box
00:42:24and catchers of lobsters
00:42:26suffer terribly.
00:42:28I shall work hard
00:42:30and stay at home.
00:42:32If we do not have children,
00:42:34then we shall at least die
00:42:36from trying so hard and so often.
00:42:38I shall work hard
00:42:40and stay at home.
00:42:42If we do not have children,
00:42:44then we shall at least die
00:42:46Let these sinners repent!
00:42:48Fire and pestilence
00:42:50be upon ye!
00:42:52Repent, or ye shall burn!
00:42:54And tell Hayter to cross-check the
00:42:56manifests before he inspects them
00:42:58and snugs the work.
00:43:05Sam?
00:43:07This is my lady companion,
00:43:09Miss Deborah Willetts.
00:43:12Sam?
00:43:14Sam!
00:43:16Why don't you give them the diary, Sam?
00:43:18It'll save you.
00:43:20Because I wrote the truth, Will.
00:43:24The whole truth.
00:43:28No man in England could escape ignominy
00:43:30if the world knew what he truly thought.
00:43:32Yes, but without it
00:43:34you seem guilty.
00:43:36The best odds I can get
00:43:38is six to four on,
00:43:40that you're lying.
00:43:44Is it better to lose your reputation
00:43:46or your life?
00:43:48Sharpe's reason.
00:43:50A very clever man.
00:43:52A clever man at ten a penny.
00:43:54But it's only one in a thousand
00:43:56who can master the facts.
00:43:58Get me information.
00:44:00Will and Under, Newbalty and Paris.
00:44:02Find me the facts
00:44:04and I'll disprove their charges.
00:44:06That's how we'll defeat them.
00:44:08That's how we'll defeat them.
00:44:10Will you, Sam?
00:44:12Where's your damn diary?
00:44:14You're too vain to have burnt it.
00:44:18Six big, heavy volumes,
00:44:20Jones tells me.
00:44:22We'll put them in your pockets
00:44:24when we hang you.
00:44:26I was horrified
00:44:28to see Mr Peep's friend
00:44:30Will Hewer
00:44:32in Versailles, handing the package
00:44:34to none other than Monsieur Le Pellisserie.
00:44:37The late treasurer-general
00:44:39of the French navy.
00:44:41Slap my vitals, sir.
00:44:43The very same.
00:44:45Passing information to the French peeps.
00:44:47I call that
00:44:49treason.
00:44:51So would I.
00:44:53This was in
00:44:55August, Captain Scott, two years ago.
00:44:57Yes, that's right.
00:44:59In Versailles.
00:45:01Yes.
00:45:03You weren't arrested in Amsterdam for fraud
00:45:05whilst trying to escape dressed in women's clothing.
00:45:07You can't, sir.
00:45:09On what do you base these vile
00:45:11allegations?
00:45:13Dutch court records.
00:45:15Yes, but
00:45:17my records show that he was released
00:45:19two weeks later.
00:45:21At which point, he could indeed
00:45:23have gone directly to Versailles.
00:45:25But Will Hewer could not.
00:45:27On that night, he was attending
00:45:29a small private performance
00:45:31by one of our leading actresses
00:45:34entitled Beneath the Seventh Veil
00:45:36with
00:45:38a number of people, including, I believe,
00:45:40yourself, Lord Chalfsbury.
00:45:46I think you have reached the end of your tether.
00:45:50This is all very well, Mr. Pepys,
00:45:52but if you are innocent,
00:45:54why will you not let the court read your diary?
00:46:04Aye.
00:46:10I can beat down
00:46:12every false claim they raise against me,
00:46:14but the jury of my peers are all
00:46:16Chalfsbury's cronies.
00:46:20Innocent or guilty,
00:46:24it really is very hard to say.
00:46:26Let's go.
00:46:32I think of her when I wake,
00:46:34and I dream of her when I sleep.
00:46:38I could break so many
00:46:40commandments with her.
00:46:44I think
00:46:46if I can see her naked
00:46:48just one more time,
00:46:50it will purge
00:46:52my mind of lust
00:46:54and I will return to virtue.
00:46:58Don't you ever knock?
00:47:00I'll brush your hair tonight, Mr. Pepys.
00:47:02There's no need.
00:47:04It's best for all of us.
00:47:08How is Elizabeth?
00:47:12She's refusing to wash
00:47:14and the fever's getting worse.
00:47:24Sir,
00:47:26you must have the most brushed hair
00:47:28in England.
00:47:34So this too?
00:47:36This is also
00:47:38a way of showing respect
00:47:40in a refined household.
00:47:42I'm sure you'll like it.
00:47:46I'm sure you'll like it.
00:47:48I'm sure you'll like it.
00:47:50I'm sure you'll like it.
00:47:53Respect in a refined household?
00:47:55Yes, they
00:47:57do it at court.
00:47:59It comes from Italy.
00:48:01I must tell Mrs. Pepys.
00:48:03She's...
00:48:05No, no, no.
00:48:07Mrs. Pepys doesn't like the Italians.
00:48:11I don't think I believe you anymore, Mr. Pepys.
00:48:15I'm sorry.
00:48:17I didn't say you had to stop.
00:48:19I haven't the money to marry,
00:48:21but I don't see why poverty should make a nun of me.
00:48:25Well, if this is what men and women do,
00:48:27I'd much prefer it to housework.
00:48:31But,
00:48:33Mr. Pepys,
00:48:35no further south
00:48:37than Italy.
00:48:39It's such a short voyage
00:48:41to Sicily.
00:48:43Mr. Pepys,
00:48:45you've reached North Africa and you must retire.
00:48:47I love you.
00:48:50I love you like I love nothing else.
00:48:52When I lie with my wife,
00:48:54I see your face.
00:48:56Well, then Jane must brush your hair.
00:48:58Oh, please, I live for this.
00:49:00I love you.
00:49:02I love you like I love no one else on earth.
00:49:12I'll find you lodgings.
00:49:14I'll send you money.
00:49:16I'll still see you.
00:49:18I do, I do.
00:49:20Elizabeth!
00:49:24Don't touch me!
00:49:26Don't come near me!
00:49:28I don't, I don't!
00:49:34Jane?
00:49:48Your Lordship,
00:49:50you are too valuable
00:49:52to lead the fleet at sea.
00:49:54You'll be a target
00:49:56for the Dutch.
00:49:58It seems you're the target
00:50:00for the French, Sam.
00:50:02Oh,
00:50:04this cursed court.
00:50:06All their bobbing
00:50:08and curtsying,
00:50:10flattery and flummery.
00:50:12I'm choking on it.
00:50:14I'm choking on it.
00:50:16I'm a soldier, Sam,
00:50:18and I want to die a soldier's death
00:50:20before all my blood
00:50:22turns to perfume.
00:50:24I could come to sea with you.
00:50:26Oh, Sam,
00:50:28you were born to die
00:50:30in your bed
00:50:32or someone else's.
00:50:34Me,
00:50:36I should have died with Cromwell
00:50:38a long time ago.
00:50:40Lord, must you speak of death so?
00:50:43You're Elizabeth.
00:50:47I tried my darndest, but for some reason
00:50:49the woman wouldn't have me.
00:50:51Sam,
00:50:53it's you she wants.
00:51:01Polish it so it
00:51:03shines like the sun.
00:51:05I want those Dutch
00:51:07bastards to know who I am!
00:51:09Hey, there!
00:51:11French flagship!
00:51:39Ah!
00:51:41Ah!
00:51:43Ah!
00:51:45Ah!
00:51:47Ah!
00:51:49Ah!
00:51:51Ah!
00:51:53Ah!
00:51:55Ah!
00:51:57Ah!
00:51:59Ah!
00:52:01Ah!
00:52:03So you love her
00:52:05and not me, do you?
00:52:09Ah!
00:52:21The condom
00:52:23is a foul contrivance.
00:52:25It's a cobweb against disease
00:52:27and yet a fortress against pleasure.
00:52:29See?
00:52:31Ah, now, Mr. Peeps.
00:52:33I suppose, following upon such a victory,
00:52:35we should give you poor dead Montague's office.
00:52:39The Dutch aren't beaten yet,
00:52:41Your Majesty.
00:52:43The navy must reform.
00:52:45When we fight the Dutch, English voices cry out
00:52:47from their ships saying
00:52:49we're paid in money, not tokens.
00:52:51And their officers, Your Majesty,
00:52:53are sailors, not gentlemen.
00:52:55They are trained.
00:52:57They have a naval academy.
00:52:59For God's sake, our ships have
00:53:01fireplaces on them.
00:53:03It's not surprising they burn.
00:53:05Until we match the Dutch,
00:53:08we will not master them.
00:53:10Ah.
00:53:12I always feared you had opinions, Mr. Peeps.
00:53:14This is what comes of promoting
00:53:16tailors, Your Majesty.
00:53:18Ha, ha, ha.
00:53:26Let me tell you something,
00:53:28Mr. Peeps.
00:53:30The damn navy bores me half
00:53:32to death.
00:53:34I am God's anointed king
00:53:36and yet I cannot escape sitting in a room
00:53:38where men talk of bilge and barnacles
00:53:40and biscuits for hours on end.
00:53:44Do what you like with the damn navy.
00:53:46Paint it pink and man it with monkeys
00:53:48so long as it costs me no more money.
00:53:50And you describe it
00:53:52briefly.
00:53:54Very, very briefly,
00:53:56Mr. Peeps.
00:53:58There's a fire in the city.
00:54:00I've seen it, Your Majesty.
00:54:02A woman could piss it out.
00:54:04Ha, ha, ha.
00:54:08The wind's changed.
00:54:10It's coming towards us.
00:54:12I've got the whole of London's burning.
00:54:14You'll just have to take my word for it.
00:54:24I'll denounce you.
00:54:26See if you get your promotion back.
00:54:30Murderer! Murderer!
00:54:32All London will know you for what you are.
00:54:34A crooked, sterile womanizer.
00:54:36Mr. Peeps, we must leave now.
00:54:38Load the carts.
00:54:40The cart's loaded.
00:54:42Writer, saying you will never see her again.
00:54:44Saying you despise and detest her
00:54:46and that she's a common whore.
00:54:48I cannot do that.
00:54:50Do it or we'll all burn.
00:54:52For God's sake, other men bond and their wives did nothing of it.
00:54:54Other men's wives do not love them.
00:54:56Will you write it or no?
00:54:58Write it, Mr. Peeps.
00:55:00Find her lodgings and I will take it to her.
00:55:02Mr. Peeps!
00:55:04I will take it to her.
00:55:08Very well.
00:55:10I will write it.
00:55:16Beauty retired.
00:55:18How does my pity move?
00:55:22Believe my pity
00:55:26and then trust my love.
00:55:30Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
00:55:34Mm, my love.
00:55:36My love.
00:55:40The new and painful ones
00:55:42have studied war.
00:55:46I break the hearts
00:55:48of half the world
00:55:50and she
00:55:52breaks mine.
00:56:00Will took the note I wrote
00:56:02but delivered another one
00:56:04to Debs with some money.
00:56:06I never saw her again.
00:56:08And I will say this.
00:56:10I never saw another woman
00:56:12as long as Elizabeth lived.
00:56:14I'll say it.
00:56:16I only wish it were true.
00:56:24I try the doctor's
00:56:26damn fool cures.
00:56:28Spiders wrapped in their own silk.
00:56:30Darvish are tough eat.
00:56:34They do no good.
00:56:36And as I sit here
00:56:38alone
00:56:40in the middle of the night
00:56:42the new science fades away
00:56:46and I would slaughter
00:56:48newborn infants
00:56:50if I thought it would save her.
00:56:54Now she cannot talk
00:56:56and she cannot hear me.
00:57:00I know it's her I always want.
00:57:06I miss her laughter
00:57:08and I miss her rages
00:57:12and I miss her body
00:57:16and I miss hating her.
00:57:20The sun
00:57:22is about to rise
00:57:24the sun is about to rise
00:57:26on the 10th of November
00:57:281669
00:57:30and today my wife
00:57:32Elizabeth Heaps will die.
00:57:38Forgive me.
00:57:44Judge me as you will.
00:57:54Mr. Peeps.
00:58:06Mr. Peeps.
00:58:12To the charges of treason
00:58:14and corruption
00:58:16you have been found
00:58:18innocent.
00:58:20This court
00:58:22finds that Mr. Peeps has no
00:58:24charges to answer.
00:58:26Sir you are free to go.
00:58:46Sam.
00:58:48Sam you should be celebrating.
00:58:54Well
00:58:56did you love my wife?
00:59:00Sam you know that I never
00:59:02I know you never
00:59:04but did you love her?
00:59:12I esteemed her above all other.
00:59:18Me well
00:59:20did I esteem her so?
00:59:28Sam
00:59:30you will never be safe
00:59:32until you've destroyed your diary.
00:59:36I'll build a bonfire in the yard.
00:59:48Money for the poor box.
00:59:54I wonder if you can grease
00:59:56the palm of the almighty.
01:00:00And
01:00:02fetch me a lobster
01:00:04and a bottle of port wine.
01:00:08How is Mrs. Bagwar?
01:00:10Fine.
01:00:12And her husband?
01:00:14Commodore Sir William.
01:00:16Commodore Sir William Bagwar?
01:00:18He's fine too.
01:00:22Now shoo before the shop closes.
01:00:30You never really burn your diary will you?
01:00:34To write a diary they say is to
01:00:36live life three times.
01:00:38Once when it happens
01:00:40once when you write it and
01:00:42once when you read it again.
01:00:44I should like mine to be
01:00:46lived one more time
01:00:50after I'm gone.
01:00:54Who knows perhaps
01:00:56posterity will judge me kindly.
01:01:00I shouldn't think so Mr. Peeps.
01:01:04Fetch a lobster and port wine.
01:01:14Don't think too long about it now.
01:01:16I've got a shoulder of mutton in the oven.