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00:00Thank you. Thank you. Good evening and welcome to the show. I must say it's very nice to
00:29be with you all, isn't it? It is, it is. And it's very nice to be with you. Thank you,
00:32Ron. Yes, it's lovely to see you all for this, the second show in our series. Last week we
00:36had the first one. We called it the Eurovision Song Contest. Very few people spotted that
00:41we in fact did play all the parts. I played Clodagh Rogers. Yes, but I won. It may sound
00:48like hard work, but we found it much easier than the Cassius Clay-Frasier fight you may
00:52have seen us do last month. We decided actually to call the series The Two Arthurs, but then
00:57we thought that wouldn't work because Ronnie Barker isn't called Arthur. So we decided to
01:01call a Ronnie and an Arthur, but then someone pointed out that I'm not called Arthur either.
01:05So we rather smartly thought up the title The Two Ronnies. Thank you, Arthur. We've got an
01:15action-packed show here. We shall be looking at the major issues in the news today. Here's a piece
01:19of film we've just had in from Dover. I've got a bottle of perfume, an instant camera, some nylon
01:28stockings, and a couple of bottles of champagne. Oh, lovely. Let's go back to my place. And now,
01:39our guide to next week's programs. And the BBC have asked us to deny that they're making too
01:43much of their historical series. On BBC One, there's the third repeat of The Six Wives of
01:48Henry VIII. On BBC Two, there's the eighth repeat of The Three Wives of Henry VI. On BBC Three,
01:54there's the sixth repeat of the second part of the third episode of The Five Wives of Henry IV,
01:58part two. This will be followed by the brand new BBC Two series, Henry VIII meets Abbott and
02:03Costello. Here's the rest of the news. Now, we've put this together in rather a hurry,
02:08so the editing may not be quite as good as usual. There may be little gaps here and there,
02:12but still, you know, what is editing or little gaps between friends? The President of France
02:18arrived in London today. He was wearing a fawn-coloured midi dress and a matching picture
02:23hat. The Queen later welcomed the Emperor of Ethiopia, highly indignant. The President of
02:30the Newport Camden Family Planning Association is to have another child. Anyone who saw the
02:34accident is asked to phone Scotland Yard. Telephone number, Whitehall 1, Arsenal 3. In
02:42the Miss World competition, Miss Sweden was placed first. A close second was Mr. Edward Heath. The
02:48commons then debated the price of syrup of figs, but only three ran. In the Gloria Van Crumpet
02:57divorce case, the correspondent was named as the Argyle and Sutherland Highlanders,
03:01with the help of the Highland Light Infantry. Now, politics. It's time to consider the state
03:07of the party. Hello.
03:27Jolly nice party, this, isn't it?
03:38Rather, rather nice wine.
03:45My name's...
03:49What is this? What is it? I'm sorry, I'm sorry, it's something I, I just can't control. If I were you, I'd, I'd just move away. Well...
03:59Everybody else does. Don't worry, I'll, I'll be all right, I'm used to it. Well, it seems such a shame.
04:05Look, supposing I just sort of, supposing I just sort of kept an eye on that hand of yours, and every time it came up, you know, to give me a little thing, I ducked my head, we could have quite a reasonable conversation. There we are.
04:23I'm sorry about that, I'm sorry. That jolly well hurt, that dude. I know, I forgot to tell you about that. It does hurt, it does hurt. There's a trouble, you see, I've got no friends left, I tell them my troubles, and I try to be kind to them.
04:34And they, they try to be kind to me, and nice, and then, and then I kick them. Oh, I can't go on much longer. Oh, I'm sorry, I, I ought not to have lost my temper and raised my voice, really, you know.
04:46Look, you go off. You go off and enjoy yourself. I'll be all right. There's nothing you can do. There's nothing anyone can do. Oh, there must be.
04:57No, no. Tell me, have you, have you thought of seeing somebody? I mean, for example, I don't know, have you thought of seeing a psychiatrist?
05:11Psychiatrist? What would I want with a psychiatrist? I mean, nothing sticks these days, does it?
05:18I mean, I just thought a psychiatrist might possibly, you know, be able to assist you, and, and, and, you, you know, you might, you might, and, and, and, you know, in so doing, he might help you, you know, to sort of see your way through.
05:42It's no good seeing a psychiatrist. He'd only say I was stark-staring mad, wouldn't he? Yes, but you're, you're not mad. No, I'm not mad. You're not mad. Of course I'm not mad.
05:51It's just this trouble I get, you see. I mean, I, I want to be liked, and I need to be liked, but it's just that I, well, I just can't help it, you see. I, I can't help it.
06:01Yes, well, look, I, I don't, I don't want to, I don't, look, I don't want to hurt your feelings. Not for a minute do I want to hurt your feelings, but I suppose you're right. I ought to go. I ought, I ought to go, really.
06:17But there is just one thing I would like to say before going, that I hope, I hope you understand. I feel so pathetic, so hopelessly helpless, not being able to cope with this problem of yours. I'm very sorry.
06:27Thanks for trying, anyway. Well. No hard feelings, then? No, not at all. Oh! Hello, George. Oh, hello, Charles. I thought I'd never get rid of him.
06:41Ladies and gentlemen, Lonnie and I think the girl you're about to see is going to be a really big star. She's only 16. This is her very first television appearance. She makes a thrilling sound, and what's more, she's absolutely tiny. Isn't that lovely? Ladies and gentlemen, welcome, please, Tina Charles.
07:12When I was a little girl, I had a rag doll, only doll I've ever owned. Well, I love you just the way I love that rag doll, but only now my love has grown.
07:35I think I'm so far from everywhere. I think I'm deeper, baby, let me say. I think I'm higher, baby, day by day. I do, I love to do my own mind.
07:57Yeah, real or deep, I'm high, yeah, yeah, yeah. If I lost you, could I cry? Oh, I love you, baby, baby, baby, baby.
08:16When you were a young boy, did you have a puppy that always followed you around? Well, I'm gonna be as faithful as that puppy. No, I'll never let you down.
08:39I think I'm higher, baby, day by day. I think I'm deeper, baby, day by day. I do, I love to do my own mind.
09:01Yeah, real or deep, I'm high, yeah, yeah, yeah. If I lost you, could I cry? Oh, I love you, baby, baby, baby, baby.
09:19I love you, baby, like a flower loves spring. And I love you, baby, like a rabbit loves to sing. And I love you, baby, like a schoolboy loves his play.
09:41And I love you, baby, river deep and high. Baby, baby, yeah, all right.
09:56I do, I love to do my own mind. Yeah, river deep, I'm high, yeah, yeah, yeah. If I lost you, could I cry?
10:19Oh, I love you, baby, baby, baby, baby.
10:28Good evening. And now, at number 2,164 in our series, How to Get Rid of Embarrassing Speech Defects.
10:46Last week, we taught you to say Schleswig-Holstein without soaking the wallpaper.
10:50This week, how to stop saying everything twice. How to stop saying everything twice.
10:55You know, I myself used to say everything twice once. It was a kind of nervous habit in times of stress.
11:02I remember asking a girl, of whom I was rather shy, to come to the cinema, and she said, which film?
11:08And I said, Chitty Chitty Chitty Chitty Bang Bang Bang Bang.
11:11Of course, I am lucky I was cured. I am lucky I was cured.
11:16A man once said to me, a man once said to me, there is a German town where they cure this. There is a German town where they cure this.
11:23Pardon, pardon. Pardon, pardon.
11:25I said, pardon, pardon. And he said, I said, he said, I said, pardon, pardon, pardon, pardon.
11:30He should have just said, pardon, pardon. He should have just said, pardon, pardon.
11:33But what he said was, what he said was, pardon, pardon, pardon, pardon. Pardon, pardon, pardon, pardon.
11:38Now, if you suffer from saying everything twice, if you suffer from saying everything twice, write to this address.
11:43Write to this address. The Larches, the Larches, Gungerdin Avenue, Gungerdin Avenue, Chipping Chipping Sodbury Sodbury.
11:50Fortunately, fortunately, this form of illness, illness doesn't last long, last long.
11:55After a few, after a few minutes, the patient begins to say only a few things twice, things twice.
12:00Sometimes only bits of words, erds.
12:02So, so try to put up with it, up with it. And avoid words like plastic, tick, tick, tick, tick.
12:10And livestock, tock, tock, tock, tock, tick, tock, tick, tock, tick.
12:14Never christen your child Rupert, put, put, put, put, put, put.
12:18And if you see some people, eeple, eating their lunch, unch, on the grass, grass, never refer to them as picnickers, niggers, niggers, niggers.
12:26Finally, here is the address that was referred to here, 24681012.
12:31The Larches, Arches, Gunger, Gunger, Din, Din, Abbey, Abbey, New, New, Chip, Chip, Ping, Ping, Sod, Sod, Berry, Berry.
12:38Good, good, night, tight, eye, tight, eye, tight, eye, tight, tiddly, eye, tight, eye, tight.
12:43I must admit, it was with more than a little trepidation that I approached my destination.
13:14Was it really true?
13:16With the sound of the convent bell still ringing in my ears, was I really travelling north to become the mistress of a wealthy industrialist?
13:23No, of course I wasn't. I was travelling south to start work as a governess.
13:29I told myself that I must stop indulging in the foolish habit of imagining myself into these romantic situations.
13:35Forgive me, dear reader, but how could I have known what adventures were to befall me?
13:40But let us go back to the beginning.
13:43My name is Henrietta Beckett, and I am 21 years old.
13:51My father is a country parson, my mother a member of an old county family, and the man next to me has just put his hand on my knee.
14:02The Mother Superior was right, the parasol is a blessing in all weathers.
14:13So I was here at last, Hampton Wake,
14:40As I stepped down from the coach, a feeling of foreboding descended upon me.
14:44The air was chill, and so was my heart.
14:47What lay in store for me behind those forbidding walls?
14:51I was to know soon enough.
15:01What is more, you will do precisely as you are told, James.
15:06I am the master in this house, and I say that you will go into the army.
15:11When you were born, I decided that you would go into the army.
15:15When you were christened, James, your godfather expressed a wish that you should go into the army.
15:21The eldest son of the family has always been called James, and has always gone into the army.
15:27And go into the army you shall, James, whether you like it or not.
15:31Now, have you anything to say?
15:33Yes, father, I'm Edward.
15:37Edward? Well, where's James?
15:39He's working as a porter at Euston Station, father.
15:41Is he? Is that a good job?
15:43No, terrible.
15:44Good, never did like that, boy.
15:46Now then, what did I want to see you about?
15:48Nothing, father.
15:49Then why are we here?
15:50I've come to tell you, father, that the coach is shortly to arrive, bearing with it the new governess.
15:55Oh, wonderful!
15:56Father, don't you think I'm a trifle old for a governess?
15:59Nonsense, boy, I had a governess when I was 19.
16:02How old are you?
16:0336, father.
16:04There you are, you see, there's no time to be lost.
16:07Besides, I like a woman around the place.
16:10It makes me feel young again.
16:12Oh, it takes me back.
16:14Doesn't do your legs much good either, father.
16:16Father, don't you think you're a trifle old for that sort of thing, don't you think, father?
16:19Are you insinuating, sir, that I am over-preoccupied with the fair sex?
16:23Fair's got nothing to do with it, father, you're simply over-preoccupied.
16:27What about that grosser sister in Ashford who allowed you once to press her flowers in your encyclopedia?
16:32Ah, but only her annuals.
16:34Oh, excuse me, father.
16:36Oh, here he's coming.
16:38Oh, Miss Beckett.
16:40Miss Beckett, might I introduce my father, Sir Geoffrey Hampton?
16:44Oh, chair, chair, chair.
16:45Charmed, charmed, my dear.
16:48How do you do, Sir Geoffrey?
16:49I'm very well, and how are you both?
16:52Well?
16:54How polite they were, and how pleased they seemed to be to welcome me within their doors.
17:01And yet, the more I looked at the old man, the more I began to realise why he had employed me.
17:09Crumpet!
17:10Happily, it was with young Edward that I was to spend most of my time,
17:15and I must confess that I had already begun to lose my heart to him.
17:19We spent many a happy hour studying together.
17:23Drawing upon my own limited experience, I endeavoured to provide him with as wide an education as possible.
17:30WHISTLING
17:51Yes, the days indeed passed happily enough,
17:55but the nights, oh, the nights began to distress me more and more.
18:01Old Sir Geoffrey had been pressing his intentions upon me more and more each evening.
18:07Each night he would come to my room and beg me to submit to his evil will,
18:12but I was adamant.
18:13Ow!
18:15This happened time after time.
18:21But each time I repulsed him.
18:23I wanted no one but my dear Edward.
18:28In fact, I often went to his room to ask him if he loved me.
18:32And he came to mine, to tell me that he did.
18:43LAUGHTER
18:47But I was adamant.
18:49I wanted no one but my dear Edward.
18:54In fact, I often went to his room to ask him if he loved me.
19:01LAUGHTER
19:18I knew then that the time had come to leave Hampton Wick.
19:22KNOCKING
19:24Oh, pray forgive me for intruding, but I need help.
19:28I'm having trouble fastening my chest,
19:30and I wouldn't want my treasures to fall out on the journey.
19:35Allow me, my dear, I'm very good with buttons.
19:38I was referring to my trunk, Sir Geoffrey, and well you know it.
19:42Not well enough, Miss Beckett.
19:44Oh, won't you reconsider your decision?
19:46I will not, Sir Edward.
19:48Pray, Father, control yourself.
19:50Go to your room, you insolent young puppy.
19:52It's no good trying to make me look small.
19:54It's too late for that sort of thing, Father.
19:56Come, Miss Beckett, I shall escort you to the coach.
19:58Goodbye, Sir Geoffrey.
20:00Very well, then go. Go and seek your fortune in the big city.
20:03But remember, a woman can't hold out very long if she hasn't got a penny.
20:11Edward took me to the coach,
20:13and a few flakes of snow drifting down
20:16reminded me that it was a year, almost the day,
20:19since I had entered his life.
20:22It was a black day for me, and an even blacker one for Edward.
20:53Morning! Morning!
20:55Morning, Miss Beckett!
21:04She's one.
21:06Yeah, ain't she though, eh?
21:17Oi.
21:19Hungry?
21:21Yes, a little.
21:23Got lodgings?
21:25No.
21:27Follow me, darling.
21:32It seemed as if fortune once again
21:34had smiled upon me in my hour of need.
21:40As the two honest labourers discussed
21:42which particular lodgings would best suit my needs,
21:45I began to wonder how I could repay such unsolicited kindness.
21:52Alas, dear reader, I was soon to learn.
22:18Number, please.
22:20Interpol, please. Could I have Interpol?
22:23This is the Exchange, sir. What number did you require?
22:27Interpol. I want to speak to Interpol, please.
22:30Hold the line, sir.
22:40Wandsworth Police Station.
22:43Can I help you?
22:45Good evening. Could I have Interpol, please? I want Interpol.
22:49I'll connect you with Scotland Yard, sir. Hold on.
22:59Scotland Yard here. Who do you wish to speak to, sir?
23:02Interpol, please. I want to speak to Interpol.
23:05Is it red priority, sir?
23:08Yes, yes, please.
23:10Hold the line, please.
23:20Hello. Interpol here.
23:23Oh, Interpol?
23:25I want to send some flowers by wire to my mother.
23:33And now, our regular guests singing their hit number,
23:36Rose Garden, New World.
23:39APPLAUSE
23:44I beg your pardon
23:47I never promised you a rose garden
23:51Along with the sunshine
23:54There's gotta be a little rain sometimes
23:58When you take you gotta give
24:01So live and let live, I'll let go
24:05I beg your pardon
24:08I never promised you a rose garden
24:12I could promise you things like big diamond rings
24:17But you don't find roses growing on stalks of clover
24:22So you better think it over
24:26If it's sweet talking you could make it come true
24:31I could give you the world right now on a silver platter
24:37But what would it matter?
24:41So smile for a while and let's be jolly
24:45Love shouldn't be so melancholy
24:49Come along and share the good times while you can
24:55I beg your pardon
24:58I never promised you a rose garden
25:02Along with the sunshine
25:05There's gotta be a little rain sometimes
25:16I beg your pardon
25:19I never promised you a rose garden
25:23I could sing you a tune and promise you the moon
25:28But if that's what it takes to hold you
25:31I'd just as soon let you go
25:34But there's one thing I want you to know
25:38You'd better look before you leap, still waters run deep
25:42And there won't always be someone there to pull you out
25:48And you know what I'm talking about
25:52So smile for a while and let's be jolly
25:56Love shouldn't be so melancholy
26:00Come along and share the good times while you can
26:06I beg your pardon
26:09I never promised you a rose garden
26:13Along with the sunshine
26:16There's gotta be a little rain sometimes
26:20I beg your pardon
26:23I never promised you a rose garden
26:27Along with the sunshine
26:30There's gotta be a little rain sometimes
26:34I beg your pardon
26:37I never promised you a rose garden
26:41Along with the sunshine
26:44There's gotta be a little rain sometimes
26:51Ah, thank you. Thank you, New World.
26:54And, uh, welcome to the Old World.
26:57One of the writers asked if I'd like to say that, you know,
27:01or if I'd prefer to say something funny.
27:04When I realised what he was referring to was antiques, you see,
27:08because I do happen to possess a little antique emporium
27:11very adjacent to these studios I'm often referred to
27:14as the Arthur Negus of the Twilight Zone.
27:19We started this business a few years ago, you know,
27:22when things weren't too good,
27:24and my wife was on strike from the cement works.
27:27Anyway, what I was going to tell you was...
27:30Yes, they're there if you look for them.
27:32What I was going to tell you was that I was over in Paris recently
27:35because if you're going to buy antiques at the moment,
27:37you've got to travel, you know,
27:39because all the best pieces are abroad these days.
27:42So, anyway, I was walking along the Champs-Élysées
27:45and there was this very lovely young lady
27:47standing on the corner.
27:48Now, she must have been able to tell I was British,
27:50although I had taken great pains to dress like a native.
27:53Perhaps it was the bowler on top of the barrier that gave me away.
27:57I said to her, excuse me, I said to her, excuse me...
28:00Am I doing rather a lot of swaying? I think I am.
28:02I said to her... Perhaps I'll sit still for a minute.
28:04I said to her...
28:06I said to her, excuse me,
28:08but am I right for the Unknown Soldier?
28:11To which...
28:13To which she replied,
28:15have you got a match, chérie?
28:17Well, which happened to be all the English she knew,
28:19and I later found out she could ask for a light
28:21in any language in the nature of command.
28:24And Swahili.
28:26Now, I've never learned to speak any French
28:29because I was educated at rather a cut-price boarding school.
28:33Saint Tesco's.
28:37We...
28:39We had a French teacher, you know, but he couldn't speak English.
28:42He used to spend all his time out on a bicycle selling onions.
28:46The result was we didn't know much French,
28:48but we certainly knew our onions.
28:50So I got a piece of paper out...
28:55Have pity on me. So I got a piece of paper out...
28:58I'm pathetically miming a piece of paper in the palm of my hand.
29:01I got a piece of paper out, you see, and I began to draw,
29:04and I drew a knife and a fork, and she nodded,
29:06and off we went to the hardware shop.
29:09Now, the chap in there could speak a bit of English,
29:11and he managed to sort it all out,
29:13and I bought a saucepan for the wife.
29:15But eventually, eventually we did have a nice dinner,
29:18and I found that I could communicate perfectly well
29:20with these little drawings, you know, little drawings.
29:23I'd draw a little wine glass and show it to her,
29:25she'd have a little glass of wine, draw a couple dancing,
29:27show it to her, we had a little dance, it was lovely.
29:29Then, suddenly, I remembered a couple of French phrases
29:32that I'd heard somewhere.
29:34Voulez-vous promenade and Ferme la porte?
29:37Well, we didn't buy many antiques, but, my God,
29:40we walked a few miles and closed a few doors that evening.
29:45Right at the end, I was sitting there,
29:47sitting there having a little glass of wine,
29:49and trying to draw a good night, and...
29:55Trying to draw breath as well, I was trying to draw a good night,
29:58and she took a pen and paper out of her bag,
30:01and she started drawing, and she was drawing there for 20 minutes.
30:05And when she showed me that piece of paper, believe it or not,
30:08on it was the most perfect example
30:11of a Louis XIV four-poster bed.
30:17Now, what I want to know is,
30:19how did she know I was in the antique business?
30:31Is this the hearing aid centre?
30:33Pardon?
30:35Is this the hearing aid centre?
30:37Oh, yes, that's right, yes.
30:39I've come to be fitted for a hearing aid.
30:41Pardon?
30:42I've come to be fitted for a hearing aid.
30:44Oh, do sit down, would you?
30:46I'll just take a few details.
30:48Name?
30:49Pardon?
30:50Name?
30:51Crampton.
30:52Pardon?
30:53Crampton.
30:54Oh, Crampton.
30:55Pardon?
30:56I said Crampton.
30:57Yes.
30:58Darling Mr Crampton, I take it you're having difficulty with your hearing?
31:01Pardon?
31:03I say I take it you're having difficulty with your hearing?
31:05That's correct.
31:06Pardon?
31:07That's correct.
31:08Which ear?
31:09Pardon?
31:10Which ear?
31:11The right one.
31:12Pardon?
31:13The right one.
31:14Oh, yes.
31:15Would you mind covering it with your hand, please?
31:17Now then, can you hear me?
31:18Pardon?
31:19Can you hear what I'm saying?
31:20You're a little bit faint.
31:21Pardon?
31:22You're a little bit faint.
31:23Oh, I can't hear you.
31:24Pardon?
31:29Try the other ear.
31:32That's it.
31:33Now, what's that like?
31:34Still can't hear you.
31:35Can you hear me?
31:36Pardon?
31:37Yes, you definitely need a hearing aid.
31:39Yes, I thought so.
31:40Pardon?
31:41You can't hear me either, can you?
31:42Pardon?
31:43Why don't you try one?
31:44You're still very faint.
31:45A hearing aid, why don't you try one?
31:46Oh, I've got one.
31:47Pardon?
31:48Pardon?
31:49I said pardon.
31:50Oh, I said pardon.
31:51Oh, forget it.
31:52I'll get a set of new teeth.
32:02Ladies and gentlemen, Alfredo.
32:04Pardon?
32:05Alfredo.
32:06Oh, lovely.
32:17Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
32:19I introduce to start a few mimics all over the world.
32:23For you, the great Sammy Davis, Jr.
32:32APPLAUSE
32:45And now, ladies and gentlemen, you see now my military parade.
33:01Yeah, thank you.
33:31APPLAUSE
34:02APPLAUSE
34:20Now, ladies and gentlemen, you see now a very nice trick with a beer.
34:24Here, nothing.
34:26Here, nothing.
34:28Here...
34:32It's my best number.
34:39So, let's go. Yes.
34:55Cheers.
35:00Cheerio, Skol, Sante, Salute, Nastrovje, Ega Sheketra.
35:05Prost!
35:18Well...
35:21Well...
35:24Well...
35:27Well...
35:30Well...
35:47APPLAUSE
36:01MUSIC
36:04APPLAUSE
36:30MUSIC CONTINUES
37:01MUSIC CONTINUES
37:23LAUGHTER
37:31MUSIC CONTINUES
37:48APPLAUSE
37:50APPLAUSE
37:57Thank you very much.
37:59Good evening, everybody, and thanks for that real warm, rising welcome.
38:02Very nice of you all, very nice of you all indeed.
38:04Now, before we get any further,
38:06I'd very much like you to meet my old partner and buddy, Fat Belly Jones.
38:10Glad to know you. Mighty glad to be here. Thank you.
38:13APPLAUSE
38:15Thank you. Fat Belly Jones, ladies and gentlemen, a great big friend of mine,
38:18wonderful, warm-hearted friend of mine,
38:20and the best guitar player this side of me.
38:22Well, thank you, Big Jim. That's real nice of you.
38:25LAUGHTER
38:27Sure is wonderful.
38:28Fat Belly Jones helps around the farm with the pigs, don't you, Fat Belly?
38:31Oh, I love pigs.
38:33Sure does. It's all over town.
38:35Of course, he's a real country boy at heart, old Fat Belly.
38:38I mean, his family, they've been blacksmiths in the Omaha state
38:42for four, five, six generations.
38:44Come on, Fat Belly, you tell the folks out there, the good folks out there,
38:47about how you and your family were all blacksmiths, eh?
38:49Cobblers.
38:51LAUGHTER
38:54Well, seems you don't want to talk about it right now.
38:56LAUGHTER
38:57So, here it is now.
38:59Little number goes like this, something like this here.
39:01This is the way it goes, something like this.
39:03MUSIC
39:06LAUGHTER
39:36LAUGHTER
40:07MUSIC
40:22CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
40:32We're going to leave you with a little ditty
40:34called The Gal from Arkansas.
40:36And me and Fat Belly, I want to tell you this, good people,
40:38me and Fat Belly, we really appreciate it being here with you.
40:41I'm going to tell you that.
40:42OK, let's hear it for Big Jim Josaphat.
40:44Let's hear it now, people.
40:46APPLAUSE
40:48Well, will you give us four in, then, Fat Belly?
40:51OK, are we ready? Four.
40:54MUSIC
40:57She was a big, fat, welcome on the mat
41:00Tootly southern gal
41:02Met her down in Arkansas
41:04Never saw the gal before
41:05She seemed a real good pal
41:07She from across the gattle
41:08And her sister from Seattle
41:09She used to do it as well
41:11She was a big, fat, what do you think of that?
41:13Uptown, downtown belle
41:15She was a huge, tall, really on the ball
41:17A big, lovely dame
41:19Travelled with the rodeo
41:21Working in the stripper's zone
41:22No good show to see
41:24Kind of short, kind of fair
41:25She would drop her underwear
41:26Everybody enjoyed it, you could tell
41:28She was a huge, tall, no place tall
41:30Uptown, downtown belle
41:32MUSIC
41:49She was a good, fine, dry one of mine
41:51Rattling big sixes
41:53Seemed to be the one for me
41:54Seemed a lot of fun to me
41:55Well, actually made a lot of fun, yes
41:57She took my gold
41:59Left me in the cold
42:00Didn't even leave my heart
42:02She was a large, kind, laid on the line
42:04Regular downtown charge
42:06She was a large, fine, dry one of mine
42:08Rattling big sixes
42:10Seemed to be the one for me
42:12Seemed a lot of fun to me
42:13Well, actually made a lot of fun, yes
42:15Took my gold
42:16Left me in the cold
42:17Didn't even leave my heart
42:19She was a large, kind, laid on the line
42:21Regular downtown charge
42:28APPLAUSE
42:41We'd like to thank Alfredo, New World and Tina Charles for being on the show
42:45We'd also like to thank for not being on the show
42:47Harold Wilson, Anthony Barber and Mrs. Gunge of Bunge Street Pen
42:51LAUGHTER
42:53Who is in bed with a nasty case of Mr. Gunge of Bunge Street Pen
42:56LAUGHTER
42:58Get well soon, Gladys
43:00LAUGHTER
43:02Sir Lawrence Olivier is appearing in No! No! Nanette at the Trellis Theatre, Totnes
43:07Nanette is appearing in No! No! Sir Lawrence Olivier, the Globe Theatre, Gotham
43:10LAUGHTER
43:12Next week, next week we'll interview Boris Goodenough
43:15Boris not quite good enough
43:17LAUGHTER
43:18And Boris absolutely useless
43:19LAUGHTER
43:20So, it's good night from me
43:22And it's good night from him
43:23Good night
43:24Good night
43:25Good night
43:26APPLAUSE
43:55APPLAUSE