• yesterday
for full movies and reviews follow us on:

www.supercultcinema.com

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@scc-classicmovies/featured

X: https://x.com/SuperCultCinema

Dailymotion: https://dailymotion.com/sccinema

Rumble: https://rumble.com/c/c-6464538

Odysse: https://odysee.com/@scc-classicmovies:9

Welcome to Super Cult Cinema, where classic movies meet contemporary classics! Dive into a world of timeless films, spanning decades and genres, curated for cinephiles like you. From Hollywood classics to international masterpieces, we've got it all. Join us as we celebrate the art of cinema and explore the stories that have captured our hearts and minds for generations. Subscribe now to embark on a journey through the rich tapestry of cinematic history. Don't miss out on our latest uploads, exclusive content, and curated playlists. Get ready to experience the magic of movies like never before with Super Cult Cinema!
Transcript
00:00:00Well, ever since our last episode, which was around 1964, give or take a couple of weeks,
00:00:26there's been a lot of water under the bridge.
00:00:29Cities have fallen. Governments have toppled. Yes, the winds of Glasnost have swept Eastern
00:00:32Europe and the world will never be the same. Crowds of people have massed in the streets,
00:00:36cheering and celebrating their newfound freedom. Yes, everyone is just delighted.
00:00:41Yay!
00:00:43All except for one little tiny country where the Cold War is still freezing. A puny pipsqueak
00:00:48principality where nastiness is a virtue, where being mean and rotten is the national
00:00:52pastime, and everyone spends so much time double-crossing each other that they don't
00:00:56even have time for lunch. Yes, neatly nestled between the borders of
00:01:00Wrestlevania and Yersovania. That's right. Oh, boy. You guessed it. Hokey smoke. Watch
00:01:05me pull a rabbit out of my hat. It's that schnook capital of the world, Hotselvania.
00:01:11And as our story opens, the meanest, nastiest, no-goodnik of them all, the man they call
00:01:16Fearless Leader.
00:01:18You're welcome, has a very big problem. And so he has called in his best operative, a
00:01:24man so sinister, so dangerous, so badly lit, he's known only as Agent X.
00:01:32Where the hell have you been? I don't see that that's any of your business.
00:01:37And with the pleasantries out of the way, Fearless Leader explained the whole story,
00:01:40beginning with the most astonishing scientific breakthrough in the history of the world.
00:01:44Presenting time-reverse microchip demonstration number one.
00:01:53The microchip is in place. My brother, Krigo, will shatter the beak, and the release of
00:02:00energy will trigger the microchip.
00:02:02Obviously, the implications of this invention are staggering. The microchip freezes time,
00:02:16then backs it up three seconds. We can reverse catastrophes, save lives, even protect the
00:02:23military by rendering any object indestructible. With this remarkable device, there is virtually
00:02:31no limit to the benefits for mankind. We feel this invention is the most astonishing scientific
00:02:38breakthrough.
00:02:39I'm impressed. With a chip like that, a man could rule the world.
00:02:45Yes. Unfortunately, three days after that film was made, Pavlovich took the chip and
00:02:52disappeared.
00:02:53I see. And I am supposed to find him and bring him back.
00:02:57You're the best there is. That's why I called for you.
00:03:00And you want me to risk my cover on such a dangerous mission as that?
00:03:05What else do you suggest?
00:03:07Give me a decoy, a loyal, trusting agent, someone expendable, a total idiot. Send him
00:03:14to find the professor. I will follow at a discreet distance. And the moment Pavlovich
00:03:20is found, I will kill them both and return the microchip to you.
00:03:25Brilliant!
00:03:26Now, who would be the perfect decoy?
00:03:32Who indeed? Rodgers and Hammerstein? Sonny and Cher? Bilbo Baggins? No, as anybody who
00:03:37looked at their tickets before they came into the theater ought to know, it's...
00:03:43Of course, it was Boris and Natasha, who at this moment were somewhere in a remote part
00:03:51of the Middle East.
00:03:52Boris! Boris! Boris, darling! Where is Egg?
00:03:57Egg! Egg! Egg!
00:04:00Where is Egg?
00:04:01And on the run with an elaborate jewel-encrusted egg that they've recently stolen from a potentate's
00:04:05palace.
00:04:06Oh, Boris, darling, you're a genius.
00:04:11Come on!
00:04:17Eat chicken!
00:04:20Hurry up! Hurry up!
00:04:23Come on! Follow them!
00:04:32Get the car!
00:04:353-3! 3-3!
00:04:373-3! 3-3!
00:04:51What a pathetic shot!
00:04:52Watch out for the cattle!
00:05:07Watch where you're going!
00:05:20Open it! Go! Go!
00:05:31Open the alley!
00:05:37No!
00:05:44Boris! Boris, quick!
00:05:56What do we do now?
00:05:57We've got to find our contact.
00:05:59The One-Eyed Man. Where is One-Eyed Man?
00:06:02He's here. The alley of the damned.
00:06:06You first. Come on. Let's go.
00:06:36We've got a lot of One-Eyed guys here.
00:06:42The Four Corners of Egypt belong to King Tut.
00:06:45I love you, huh?
00:06:51The Four Corners of Egypt belong to King Tut.
00:06:57The Four Corners of Egypt belong to King Tut.
00:07:01The Four Corners of Egypt belong to King Tut.
00:07:05The Four Corners of Egypt belong to King Tut.
00:07:35Bye-bye. Bye-bye.
00:07:55Stop them, men! Stop them!
00:08:01Too bad, Gorda, you beast!
00:08:05Wait a minute, are there only two of them?
00:08:08Yes, Colonel Gordo.
00:08:11For a moment I thought I saw three.
00:08:14Hey, Gordo, we have your egg!
00:08:36So, back in Potsilvania, and with their mission completed,
00:08:40Boris and Natasha suddenly received an urgent summons from their beloved fearless leader.
00:08:45Yes, even they could tell something very important was about to happen.
00:08:54Fearless leader, we are honored.
00:08:56We are so honored.
00:08:57Good!
00:08:58Your mission is to infiltrate the United States of America.
00:09:04The United States?
00:09:06Once inside, you are to locate this man.
00:09:09His name is Professor Anton Pavlovich.
00:09:12Other than that, I can tell you nothing.
00:09:19Now, a direct infiltration will never work.
00:09:22Therefore, your orders are these.
00:09:25You yourselves must pose as defectors.
00:09:28Defectors?
00:09:30From the moment you leave this room, your every action must be consistent with that of a traitor.
00:09:36You must effect your own escape across the border.
00:09:39Once you arrive in America, you must convince the authorities that you are sincere.
00:09:45If you fail, they will kill you.
00:09:48Keep a low profile.
00:09:50Speak to no one.
00:09:53And if you get the feeling you're being followed, ignore it.
00:09:57Ignore it?
00:09:59Oh, yes.
00:10:01Fair enough.
00:10:03Fetal.
00:10:05This mission is by far the greatest honor of your careers.
00:10:09Congratulations.
00:10:11You are now officially traitors to the state.
00:10:16Thank you very much.
00:10:18Thank you very much.
00:10:19Thank you very much.
00:10:30Well, next morning, in a typically misguided attempt to follow their instructions to the letter,
00:10:34our heroes engineered a daring escape.
00:10:38And after bribing an unscrupulous sea captain for the use of his vessel...
00:10:43Come on! Come on!
00:10:45They set sail for America.
00:10:50Unfortunately, America was a lot farther away than it looked on their Rand McNally,
00:10:54and seven hours later...
00:10:55Father! Father!
00:10:58We were in danger of having a very short movie,
00:11:00but luckily, Fearless Leader was right behind in a Potsilvanian PT boat
00:11:03to haul our heroes to safety.
00:11:06Next, he personally drove our diligent defectors
00:11:08out to the heavily fortified Potsilvanian border...
00:11:13and waited while our heroes surveyed the landscape
00:11:15and settled on the perfect plan for escape.
00:11:18And it almost worked, too.
00:11:23And so, with a song in their heart, a lump in their throat,
00:11:25and absolutely no idea where the hell they were going,
00:11:27Boris and Natasha implemented Plan C,
00:11:30marching straight up and over the famed Potsilvanian Alps.
00:11:33What?
00:11:40Unfortunately, they'd forgotten it was the middle of winter,
00:11:43and as the temperature began to plummet...
00:11:46Boris, don't sleep.
00:11:49If you sleep, you will die.
00:11:56Fearless Leader had to rescue them once again.
00:12:03Finally, in a last-ditch attempt to get the plot moving,
00:12:06Fearless Leader gave them two one-way tickets
00:12:08to the land of the free and the home of the brave,
00:12:10Trinidad,
00:12:12where, cleverly enough, they caught the first plane to America.
00:12:15And from the very moment they landed, it looked like smooth sailing.
00:12:18At last, they'd infiltrated the United States undetected.
00:12:23Don't shoot! Don't shoot!
00:12:26We're lying Americans! We defect! We defect!
00:12:29We're defective!
00:12:31Oh, thank you so much.
00:12:37Very nice car.
00:12:39Yes, it was a nice car.
00:12:45And it took them to a very nice building,
00:12:47which turned out to be none other than the national headquarters of the CIA.
00:12:51Hi. Welcome to the ranch.
00:12:55I'm Sheldon Kaufman.
00:12:57And, uh, I'm Boris Pantanoff.
00:12:59And this is my assistant, Natasha Fatale.
00:13:02How do you do?
00:13:03Hi.
00:13:05Sorry about all the cloak-and-dagger stuff, but, uh...
00:13:09Well, it's not every day we get a couple of high-powered
00:13:12Partylvanian operatives defecting to the United States.
00:13:16Now then, we have a thing we call in our country
00:13:19the defectors program.
00:13:21If a defector, such as yourselves, is really, really sincere,
00:13:25and you certainly look sincere to me,
00:13:30we not only let you into the country,
00:13:32but we provide you with a place to live, a little spending money,
00:13:35everything you could possibly need to live your lives as new Americans.
00:13:39How wonderful.
00:13:40Thank you very much.
00:13:42Of course, there's a little routine we go through first,
00:13:45just a technicality.
00:13:47A medical exam, a few questions.
00:13:50We will tell you everything.
00:13:52This mental exam.
00:13:54How difficult?
00:13:56No, a medical exam.
00:13:58Oh, how delightful.
00:14:02Fine. Shall we get started?
00:14:04Now, I'm gonna show you some pictures.
00:14:06Just tell me what you see.
00:14:12Bomb explosion.
00:14:17Machine gun attack at small embassy.
00:14:25Oh, mushka, mishka, little puppy with floppy ear.
00:14:30Carrying letter bomb.
00:14:32Into small embassy.
00:14:36And for the next five hours,
00:14:38Boris and Natasha were poked and prodded by a host of doctors
00:14:41in a myriad of medical examinations.
00:14:44Followed by an even more grisly series of irritating jump cuts.
00:14:51And finally culminating in the toughest examination of them all.
00:14:55But they had their story, and they were stuck with it.
00:15:01Are you defecting to the United States of your own free will?
00:15:04Yes.
00:15:05Yes.
00:15:08Are you currently employed by the Potsilvanian Secret Service?
00:15:12Absolutely not.
00:15:13No.
00:15:18Are you now or have you ever been a member of any organization
00:15:21advocating overthrow of the United States government?
00:15:24Yes.
00:15:25No!
00:15:26No.
00:15:27No.
00:15:28Yes.
00:15:29No, but yes.
00:15:32Yes and no.
00:15:42Well, they're either incredibly smart or incredibly stupid.
00:15:46I certainly have never seen anything like them.
00:15:48Neither have I.
00:15:50Hell, I hope you're not thinking of letting in on the program.
00:15:53They're compulsive liars.
00:15:55They're violent, stupid, not to mention their bomb fixation.
00:15:58I don't know. Maybe, uh...
00:16:00Maybe we could learn something.
00:16:02We haven't had a defection in six months.
00:16:04I mean, we could always just play along.
00:16:07Look, if we deport them, we're never gonna find out what they're after.
00:16:10Personally, I'd deport them.
00:16:14Deport them.
00:16:40Hi.
00:16:55Hi.
00:17:01Willie, you know what we got here?
00:17:06A couple of brand-new Americans.
00:17:10What?
00:17:33So, listen, after you guys get settled, why don't you give me a call?
00:17:35You know, we can get together.
00:17:37I can show you around. We can see some sights. Go to some clubs.
00:17:40Hey, you like to dance?
00:17:42Dance is for weddings.
00:17:43Well, how about music? I mean, I know some great jazz clubs.
00:17:46No.
00:17:47I got it.
00:17:48Why don't we get in touch with some of your friends or some relatives?
00:17:51Because, you know, you just give me the names, we can find anybody.
00:17:54Boris is orphan and I am shy.
00:17:59And so charming as ever, our heroes at last arrived at their new American home.
00:18:04So, what do you think?
00:18:08We share with other family, yes?
00:18:10Mm-mm. It's yours. All yours.
00:18:13Look, you got your solid-state color TV, 162 channels, cable ready.
00:18:18Your 16-zone security system with infrared motion detector.
00:18:21Two-line solid-state beeperless remote answer machine.
00:18:24Kitchen's got all the regular stuff.
00:18:26Here's your blender, automatic coffee maker, water purification system,
00:18:29trash compactor, microwave.
00:18:31You guys know how to use all this stuff.
00:18:33Ah, that's just about it.
00:18:34Let's see. I got some credit cards, maps, and some spending cash.
00:18:37And here's the keys. There you go.
00:18:43You guys are probably tired.
00:18:45Yes, yes. We're very tired.
00:18:46We're very tired.
00:18:48We are thanking you so much, and we are so delightful to be here.
00:18:51So, good night.
00:18:52Okay, listen, if you need anything or you got any questions, you call me.
00:18:55Okay?
00:18:56Okay.
00:18:57Okay. Bye.
00:18:58Okay. Bye.
00:19:00Boris, we found them. We did it.
00:19:03We did it.
00:19:05Boris, you are so bad.
00:19:10You are so bad. You are good.
00:19:12It's good to be bad.
00:19:19Boris! Boris!
00:19:25No!
00:19:26No!
00:19:32Boris! Boris! Boris!
00:19:45Boris.
00:19:46What?
00:19:47I am liking this person, Willie.
00:19:49He is very smart-minded.
00:19:51He's stupid as a bag of hammers.
00:19:53I think I will make friend with him.
00:19:55We'll make good cover.
00:20:04Boris.
00:20:09I'm not worried about our cover.
00:20:10I'm worried about finding that damn professor.
00:20:13And getting a good night's sleep.
00:20:15Of course, darling.
00:20:17You have had a very hard, long day.
00:20:20But tomorrow, we will complete our mission,
00:20:23and we will get out of horrible country.
00:20:25You will be great hero.
00:20:27Good night, poppy.
00:20:29Good night, darling.
00:20:48American live in such tall building.
00:20:50It's so funny.
00:20:54But it's nice to be alone.
00:20:56No one snooping over shoulder.
00:20:58No one listening to you.
00:21:00Shut up out there!
00:21:02I'm trying to get some sleep.
00:21:05It's nice to be alone.
00:21:23And as the prying eyes of the CIA
00:21:25kept close watch on our heroes,
00:21:27an even closer watch was being kept
00:21:29by the sinister Agent X.
00:21:34But what he didn't know
00:21:35was that he himself was being watched
00:21:37by an even more mysterious figure.
00:21:39A man with very bad taste in footwear,
00:21:42lurking in the shadows.
00:21:44Who was this mystery man?
00:21:46Another spy?
00:21:47Another wrinkle in the plot?
00:21:49Or maybe he was just a man
00:21:51Another spy?
00:21:52Another wrinkle in the plot?
00:21:53Did he work for Florsheim?
00:21:55Did we give him these weird shoes
00:21:56just so you'd recognize him later?
00:21:58But let's not get ahead of ourselves.
00:22:00Next morning, Boris and Natasha
00:22:02began the day bright and early.
00:22:04Well, early anyway.
00:22:06Okay, the first thing we gotta do
00:22:08is find Kalishak.
00:22:09Kalishak the assassin?
00:22:11He doesn't do that anymore.
00:22:12He's here in the States now.
00:22:13He sells information to the highest bidder.
00:22:15If anybody knows where the professor is, he does.
00:22:18Oh, darling, you are so smart.
00:22:20Ah!
00:22:21Those pigs, those pigs!
00:22:23Those pigs, those pigs!
00:22:25What'd they do, Boris?
00:22:26They took my dynamite.
00:22:28Those pigs, those pigs!
00:22:30Ah, he's all right.
00:22:31I've still got my spares.
00:22:33I know you cannot trust capitalists.
00:22:36You cannot trust anybody.
00:22:41Look at this closet.
00:22:42It's typical American waste of space.
00:22:45Would make a nice home for a small family.
00:22:48PHONE RINGS
00:22:51I've got static in the fish tank.
00:22:53PHONE RINGS
00:22:54Yeah?
00:22:55Give me Willie.
00:22:56Yes, sir.
00:22:57Willie?
00:23:01Hi, boss.
00:23:02So, everybody happy?
00:23:04Yeah, so far.
00:23:06What do you think?
00:23:07I think we give them some rope.
00:23:09Then when we see what they're up to,
00:23:12we hang them.
00:23:18KNOCKING
00:23:21Surprise!
00:23:23Who the hell are you?
00:23:25You're next door neighbors.
00:23:30Surprise!
00:23:35Well, you don't think we're too pushy, do you?
00:23:37Well, of course you think we're pushy.
00:23:39Harv thinks we're pushy.
00:23:40I think she's perfect.
00:23:41Oh, Harv.
00:23:42I mean, we did just barge right in.
00:23:44I mean, we did just barge right in.
00:23:46But, you know, we figured as a couple of new Americans
00:23:48from behind the iron drapes,
00:23:50you deserved a real welcome.
00:23:52Don't you just love sushi?
00:23:54I feel like it's moving in my mouth.
00:23:56Fish eggs, anyone?
00:24:00So, tell us all about Pennsylvania.
00:24:05It's very cold.
00:24:14Oh, I get it.
00:24:16Pennsylvania's a quiet.
00:24:18I bet you think Americans talk too much, don't you?
00:24:20We do talk too much. I talk too much.
00:24:22I think you're perfect.
00:24:24Harv, but I mean, how are you going to know anything unless you ask?
00:24:26That's the great thing about America.
00:24:28You can ask anything you want.
00:24:44So, you work out?
00:24:46I like you, Tash.
00:24:48You're a lot of fun.
00:24:50I am?
00:24:52Yeah, and you're going to love this country.
00:24:54You got everything going for you.
00:24:56New home, nice husband,
00:24:58great cheekbones.
00:25:00Boris is not husband.
00:25:02Oh, there's nothing wrong with living with your boyfriend
00:25:04till you tie the knot.
00:25:06What knot?
00:25:08Hit me in the stomach.
00:25:10Go ahead.
00:25:12Hit me in the stomach.
00:25:14Go ahead. You can't hurt me.
00:25:16Oh, trust me, Tash.
00:25:18You got to be able to see it.
00:25:20You think so?
00:25:22It's obvious, Tash.
00:25:24Boris adores you.
00:25:26The man's in love.
00:25:32I haven't done dishes in a long time.
00:25:34I cook, so Harv cleans up.
00:25:36Harv does work in kitchen?
00:25:38We split everything 50-50.
00:25:40Hit the disposal, will you?
00:25:44Night, you two. Bye-bye.
00:25:46Bye-bye.
00:25:48Thank you for balloons, ceramic and food.
00:25:50Good night.
00:25:52Night. Bye-bye.
00:25:54Good night.
00:25:58I thought they'd never leave.
00:26:00Well, so did we,
00:26:02but at last they were on their way
00:26:04to see their old friend Kalashank,
00:26:06a man who felt that anybody's business
00:26:08was everybody's business
00:26:10as long as they gave him the business.
00:26:12Yes, if anybody knew how to find the professor,
00:26:14it would probably be him.
00:26:24The four corners of Egypt
00:26:26are ruled by King Tut.
00:26:32Baranov?
00:26:34Baranov?
00:26:38Boris Baranov?
00:26:54Boris Baranov!
00:26:56The four corners of Egypt
00:26:58are ruled by King Tut.
00:27:00You're killing me! Please stop!
00:27:02Stop! I know the passwords already.
00:27:04Please, don't do it to me.
00:27:06I can't believe Boris Baranov is here.
00:27:10Holy smokeronis!
00:27:12And his devoted flunky Natasha Fetel.
00:27:16Well, what brings you two to America?
00:27:20Did fearless leader have craving
00:27:22for burgers and fries?
00:27:26He needs some advice.
00:27:28What? You want advice?
00:27:30You want advice?
00:27:32Okay. Okay.
00:27:34Okay, I give you advice.
00:27:36I give you advice.
00:27:38Don't give up your day job.
00:27:44We have money.
00:27:46I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
00:27:48It's just money is all.
00:27:50Well, you know, I would have thought
00:27:52you both had blown yourselves up by now.
00:27:54So what is it you both want, huh?
00:27:56We are looking for a man
00:27:58by the name of Anton Polovitch.
00:28:04I've never heard of that name before.
00:28:06I don't know nothing.
00:28:08Go away. I...
00:28:10Well, perhaps this
00:28:12would refresh your memory, huh?
00:28:16Now, look, the both of you.
00:28:18You're in way over your heads,
00:28:20my little spies.
00:28:22Take some advice.
00:28:24Forget you ever heard that name.
00:28:26You'll have some trouble forgetting
00:28:28if you know what I mean.
00:28:34In the chair.
00:28:36Huh.
00:28:54Search your soul for the answer.
00:28:56What the hell?
00:28:58Get out of my way. I'm closed.
00:29:00Go on, go on, go on. I'm closed.
00:29:02What kind of advice is that?
00:29:04Get going now, or I'll kill you myself.
00:29:06Come, boys.
00:29:08Go on.
00:29:10But what about the receipt? It's tax deductible, you know.
00:29:12Go on, get out.
00:29:14You want some advice? I'll give you advice.
00:29:16Leave now. That is the advice.
00:29:18Go, the both of you.
00:29:20Go on, get out of here.
00:29:22Get out.
00:29:26That's crazy.
00:29:34Bang!
00:29:40What kind of a potato?
00:29:42What kind of potato was it?
00:29:44Idaho. Idaho.
00:29:46Listen, Mike,
00:29:48tell Willie I want him to double his surveillance.
00:29:50No, quadruple it. You got it?
00:29:56Goddamn Kalashack.
00:29:58He knew something. He just wasn't talking.
00:30:00He called me a flunky.
00:30:02Forget about it. He is an idiot.
00:30:04Here, hang up my coat.
00:30:06Oh.
00:30:08I know what I should do.
00:30:10I should force-feed him wood chips for an entire year.
00:30:12And then
00:30:14I would bury him in the ground
00:30:16up to his neck in a termite mound
00:30:18and watch them devour him as he screams for mercy.
00:30:20He's very good.
00:30:22Yeah. Search your soul for the answer.
00:30:24What the hell is his problem anyway?
00:30:28Next morning, Boris and Natasha
00:30:30began their day with a typical American breakfast.
00:30:44Boris!
00:30:48Whoa!
00:30:52So they searched Boris' soul and got their clue,
00:30:54and wearing one of their many brilliant disguises,
00:30:56they soon found themselves
00:30:58outside the most fashionable hair salon
00:31:00in the city.
00:31:06Sushi, I can't perm my hair again
00:31:08because I think all the chemicals
00:31:10have leaked into my brain.
00:31:12I'm so spaced, I can hardly answer the phone.
00:31:14Hold on a minute, will you?
00:31:16Permit me to introduce myself. I'm Steve Shagg,
00:31:18and this is Ansel Fiverr.
00:31:20We're here to clean the rugs.
00:31:22Excuse me,
00:31:24but all our floors are tile.
00:31:26I think you guys have the wrong address.
00:31:28No, we don't. Boris, show.
00:31:34Minnelli?
00:31:36Oh, you're not here to clean the rugs.
00:31:38You're here to change the photos.
00:31:40You're working for Sal Minnelli, the photographer, right?
00:31:42Yes. He's the one. We came to meet him.
00:31:44Meet Minnelli?
00:31:46Look, we just buy his photographs.
00:31:48He doesn't actually work here.
00:31:50Natasha?
00:31:52Boris!
00:31:54Oh, at me rugs!
00:31:56What are you guys doing here?
00:31:58Uh, we are... We came to...
00:32:00To, uh, to drop by to, uh...
00:32:02To say hello.
00:32:04Oh! Don't you know I worked here?
00:32:06We didn't.
00:32:08Boris, big joke.
00:32:10Dudes!
00:32:12Dudes!
00:32:14Yes, there he was, José Iber himself,
00:32:16world-famous connoisseur of beauty,
00:32:18a man who with one wave of his blow-dryer
00:32:20could make you a star.
00:32:22And with one look at that Pottsylvanian profile,
00:32:24he was completely enchanted.
00:32:26Oh, my God!
00:32:30Well, before she knew what hit her,
00:32:32José promised her he could make her an overnight sensation.
00:32:34He would introduce her to every major fashion photographer
00:32:36in the country, starting with an enormous party
00:32:38in her honor at the elegant private club
00:32:40Chez Manu that Friday night.
00:32:42Well, Boris saw this as the perfect opportunity.
00:32:44They could use the party to find Minnelli,
00:32:46who would lead them straight to the professor.
00:32:48So while waiting for Friday,
00:32:50they did what any other American would have done.
00:32:52They went shopping.
00:33:10And, of course,
00:33:12no American mall would be complete
00:33:14without Aunt Fanny's fine cutlery
00:33:16and automatic weapons shop.
00:33:20No.
00:33:26No.
00:33:40No.
00:33:42And so as they left the mall,
00:33:44Natasha was already beginning to feel
00:33:46the allure of the American way of life.
00:33:48And so the very next day,
00:33:50she did something she had never done before.
00:33:56I should not be go here with you.
00:33:58What are you talking about?
00:34:00You got to get something to wear to the party.
00:34:02Boris say what I have is good.
00:34:04Forget about what Boris says. Come on.
00:34:10So don't you feel better?
00:34:12This is the way Harv and I do it.
00:34:14I never have to tell Harv what I buy.
00:34:16I do what I want.
00:34:18You know, Tash, if a relationship is gonna work,
00:34:20it's gonna be equal.
00:34:2250-50. You did good.
00:34:30Hey!
00:34:32Get me my tie.
00:34:34Stop looking in the mirror all the time.
00:34:42You look great.
00:34:44You really like it?
00:34:46Sure. Americans love hokey get-ups.
00:34:48Okay, let's review the plan.
00:34:50I am international film financier
00:34:52Orim Ham-ha-ha-hala.
00:34:54We go to the party.
00:34:56We find the guy with the camera.
00:34:58I give him the password.
00:35:00If he answers, we know it's Minelli.
00:35:02He leads us right to the professor.
00:35:04And?
00:35:06If anything goes wrong...
00:35:08We kill ourselves.
00:35:14Well, Boris's plan was brilliant as usual.
00:35:16Natasha would provide a distraction
00:35:18while he looked for Minelli,
00:35:20who would obviously be a man with a camera.
00:35:28The Four Corners of Egypt belong to King Patrick.
00:35:32The Four Corners of Egypt belong to King Patrick.
00:35:34Okay, I think it's enough.
00:35:38The Four Corners of Egypt...
00:35:44The Four Corners of Egypt...
00:35:48Of course, Boris's plan
00:35:50was an utter disaster.
00:35:52But as a diversion, Natasha was an instant success.
00:35:54She had such flair, such charm,
00:35:56such an incredible haircut
00:35:58that soon she went right to the top of the fashion world.
00:36:00And a veritable Natasha mania swept the country.
00:36:02People couldn't get enough of the sultry spy.
00:36:04Proving once and for all
00:36:06that Andy Warhol was right,
00:36:08not to mention P.T. Barnum.
00:36:10Yes, everywhere, people were imitating
00:36:12style, especially that snappy hairdo. Of course, Natasha herself had gotten the
00:36:17idea from one of Potsilvania's national heroes, but in any event, soon there
00:36:22wasn't a corner of the world left untouched by this unbelievable
00:36:25phenomenon. Well, all this frou-frou of getting famous was taking its toll on a
00:36:30lot of people. The spying had come to a halt, Agent X had no one to watch, the
00:36:35man in the stupid shoes had no one to follow, the CIA had no one to listen to,
00:36:39there was still no sign of Minnelli, and of course, all this was bound to come to
00:36:43the attention of, what the hell is going on over there? Even the writers were completely
00:36:50stumped with no idea of how to get the story back to the missing professor and
00:36:53his amazing time-reversing microchip. As for Boris, he was getting more and more
00:36:57frustrated, annoyed, irritable, peeved, and downright... All right, all right, knock it
00:37:00off! You're acting ridiculous. Oh, Boris, don't be dreep. Well, what about Professor
00:37:06Polovich? And where are you going? We are spies! It's time we started to act like
00:37:13spies. I don't know what's got into you, Natasha. Fearless leader told us to assume
00:37:16a low profile, and you, you go waltzing around like some kind of movie star.
00:37:25Isn't Natasha here? Just a minute. All right, do you or do you not want to be
00:37:37spied? Boris, darling, of course I do. Spying is most important thing in world to me.
00:37:44You think he's best side? All right, that's it. I forbid you to go out tonight. Forbid? Oh, Boris,
00:37:52so typical. This America. You are not my boss. You are not my husband. You are not
00:38:00even... Never mind. What? What am I not even? What? What? Oh, you are so stupid
00:38:06sometimes, Boris. If relationship is to be lasting, must be equal. So, for first time
00:38:12in my life, I am doing what I want to do. And do you know what? I am liking it.
00:38:18Toots is behind this, isn't she? Toots, Toots, Toots. Toots happens to be wonderful
00:38:22person. And don't think you're so smart because she know about you. She know
00:38:27exactly how you feel about... And how far you think you get if it was not for me
00:38:31after all these years. I do everything. I do work and, and you never, you never.
00:38:37Never what? You never say thank you. What the hell? So, I am hoping that from this
00:38:46day forward, that you will be liking to carry your own luggage. So, goodbye.
00:39:01Luggage? This whole thing was about luggage?
00:39:10Well, Boris had hit rock bottom. Even the simplest of pleasures could not cheer him
00:39:16up.
00:39:33And as he wandered through the silent streets, he wondered, could Natasha have
00:39:38been right? Could she have in some small insignificant way been partly responsible
00:39:43for their illustrious career? Could he actually have been just the tiniest bit
00:39:47insensitive for say, the last 32 years?
00:39:59He's very nice. Very nice.
00:40:44Trust me, it's obvious. Boris adores you. The man's in love.
00:40:59Natasha, wait! I want to meet Sally Kellerman.
00:41:13I want to meet her.
00:41:43I want to meet her.
00:42:14Hello, darlings. We are not in right now, but Natasha and Boris will be back very, very soon.
00:42:21So, please leave a message.
00:42:25My name is Manelli. I know who you are. I've seen your photographs. I'm a friend of Dr. Pollard.
00:42:31I helped him to escape from that. Please, meet me tomorrow noon at Memorial Square for a photo session.
00:42:37Hello! Hello! Hello! Hello! Hello! Hello!
00:42:50We just found Anton Polovitch.
00:42:55Yeah, Mr. Goldstein. Yeah, I think we finally got something here.
00:42:58Yes, good. What is it?
00:43:00Does an Anton Polovitch strike a bail with you?
00:43:03No, I can't say I ever heard of him.
00:43:07Noon, huh? Okay, thanks. And listen, Dan, keep up the good work.
00:43:22I will look terrible in photos. I do not get very much sleep.
00:43:26Don't worry about it. Look, about last night...
00:43:32Let's talk about it later, okay?
00:43:34Yes, Boris.
00:43:36You go to this place and you meet Manelli. You get the information from him.
00:43:40I'll be there, too, but I'm going to be disguised, okay?
00:43:43I am loving when you wear disguise.
00:43:45Now, you make sure you get the information from him.
00:43:47If he gives you any trouble, I'll crack his head like a Pozzolvanian chestnut.
00:43:52Yes, Boris, darling.
00:44:01Oopsie. I'll take this. You might drop it.
00:44:07Well, isn't that sweet?
00:44:10But meanwhile, back at our story, the elusive Manelli had finally surfaced.
00:44:14And as luck would have it, he, too, was another master spy.
00:44:17Yes, it seemed that Natasha's sudden notoriety had actually served a purpose after all.
00:44:22So faster than you can say, stop the world I want to get off, Natasha got down to business.
00:44:28That's enough. Good. Lovely. I like it for the road.
00:44:33Meanwhile, wearing an effective yet subtle disguise,
00:44:36the chameleon-like Boris Baranov blended discreetly into the crowd.
00:44:44Unfortunately, he got in line with the village people.
00:44:47Come on, Long John, you can move up now.
00:44:49Hey.
00:44:50Oh, all right, all right, all right.
00:44:53There you go. One pretzel. One dollar.
00:44:57Hold the rope. That's it. Good. Lovely. I like it in the teeth.
00:45:01Hey, wait a second. What is this? I said one dollar.
00:45:04This is fake.
00:45:07No, no, you owe me a dollar.
00:45:08I don't have a dollar.
00:45:10What do you mean you don't have a dollar?
00:45:15Just a little this way. Perfect, perfect.
00:45:19You're very good at this. You follow instructions perfectly.
00:45:24You flatter me.
00:45:26On the contrary, my angel, that could get you killed.
00:45:34It hurts your eyes. It hurts your eyes.
00:45:36All right, all right. Come on, buddy. On your foot.
00:45:39You realize, of course, we're being watched.
00:45:48Your lives are in danger.
00:45:50I am a friend of Dr. Polovich.
00:45:52I am the one who helped him to escape.
00:45:54Now you must help him, too.
00:45:56What, to help?
00:45:57Mr. Polovich, may I have your autograph?
00:46:00I just feel that we have something in common.
00:46:02You know, I had an advocate in Republicania, and I can't get...
00:46:05Excuse me. Can you do this later? Thank you.
00:46:19Come on.
00:46:27Good, good. Excellent.
00:46:42Why do you think Peerless Leader told you nothing?
00:46:45You're merely decoys.
00:46:47You're just pawns in the game.
00:46:59Please, you must tell more.
00:47:01Of course. The fountain.
00:47:03How stupid of me. Come.
00:47:09We'll be safe here. The sound will drown our conversation.
00:47:17But he doesn't know where to find Professor and take him back.
00:47:20He lies to you.
00:47:23The moment you find Polovich, you will all be killed.
00:47:26An assassin has been trailing you since the moment you arrived.
00:47:30Oh.
00:47:34But who could be?
00:47:36Potsilvania's most feared killer.
00:47:38He wears the ring. The ring of the assassin.
00:47:41You won't find him.
00:47:43He wears the ring. The ring of the assassin.
00:47:46You poor fools.
00:47:48He's been with you all the time.
00:47:50His name is...
00:47:56Police! Stop that man!
00:48:03Right there! Right there! Police!
00:48:05Police! Stop that man!
00:48:13Ah! Ah! Ah!
00:48:16Ah! Ah!
00:48:19Ah!
00:48:23No!
00:48:37Willy?
00:48:38I didn't know.
00:48:44Are you all right?
00:48:46Somebody get a doctor!
00:48:50Come on. Let's go.
00:48:51No. He's trying to tell me something.
00:48:53Why they want Professor dead?
00:48:55Because they want...
00:48:57They want...
00:49:10Stay there!
00:49:13Stay there!
00:49:26They want Klondike?
00:49:27Come on. Let's go.
00:49:28We can't just leave him here.
00:49:30Forget him. He's dead. Come on. Let's go.
00:49:32Willy!
00:49:34What happened?
00:49:37Oh, my God.
00:49:39We'll find Polovich.
00:49:41The moment you find Polovich, you will all be killed.
00:49:44An assassin has been trailing you since the moment you arrived.
00:49:51He is a liar.
00:49:53Fearless leader would never do this to us.
00:49:55It's ridiculous.
00:49:56Go on.
00:49:58The ring of the assassin.
00:50:00You poor fools.
00:50:02He's been with you all the time.
00:50:04His name is...
00:50:07Boris, what is?
00:50:12This...
00:50:13This ring was on Willy's finger.
00:50:15It came off in the scuffle.
00:50:17Oh, not Willy.
00:50:19Oh, Willy was such a nice boy.
00:50:21Nice boy. We want to blow our heads off.
00:50:23I never liked him. Come on. We're getting out of here.
00:50:25Boris, where will we go?
00:50:28I don't know. Someplace far away.
00:50:30From now on, we trust only you.
00:50:33Someplace far away.
00:50:35From now on, we trust only ourselves.
00:50:37We've got to find the professor.
00:50:39Boris, he's too dangerous.
00:50:46Poopsie, we're dead anyway.
00:50:48To find the professor is the only way to get to the bottom of this.
00:50:51We've got to find him.
00:50:52Oh, Boris, I am so frightened.
00:50:55If we ever get out of this...
00:50:57I have always...
00:50:59I have always wanted to see Tahiti.
00:51:02They have such...
00:51:03Such beautiful flowers.
00:51:05Look, Poopsie, don't be melodramatic, okay?
00:51:07As long as I'm here, nothing's going to happen.
00:51:33Shit!
00:51:35Shit!
00:51:38Shit!
00:51:59Black team from everywhere.
00:52:01It wasn't ours, I'm sure of it.
00:52:03Well, who was it?
00:52:04I want some goddamn answers.
00:52:06And where the hell is Willie?
00:52:09Well, even Boris and Natasha could take a hint.
00:52:12With their cover shot full of holes and no one to trust,
00:52:14where could they go?
00:52:15Back to Potsilvania?
00:52:17Back to Pennsylvania?
00:52:19How about Pensacola? I hear that's nice this time of year.
00:52:22Do you have any ideas?
00:52:23If so, send them to this address, postmarked no later than June 12, 1964.
00:52:27In the meantime, our hurried heroes headed for an obscure little hotel
00:52:30where they could regroup and come up with a new plan.
00:52:33And so as not to draw attention to themselves,
00:52:35they came up with what were probably the most ingenious disguises
00:52:38of their already remarkable careers.
00:52:56Bellman?
00:52:57Would you please take Mr. and Mrs. Obese to their room?
00:53:00Obese! O-postrophe-B-E-E-T-H.
00:53:03We're Irish, me wife Katie and I.
00:53:05Kathleen.
00:53:06Her real name's Katie, but she's calling herself Kathleen
00:53:08for some bloody reason I'll never know what.
00:53:10Excuse me, could you give us a hand with these potatoes, please?
00:53:12I carry me own potatoes, you big lout.
00:53:16This way.
00:53:28Shh!
00:53:29Shh!
00:53:32Hey! Hey, the elevator's over here.
00:53:34I know. I work here.
00:53:36It's out of order. This way.
00:53:41Are you mad, man?
00:53:43We can't climb those stairs.
00:53:45Look, can't you see we're...
00:53:47Irish?
00:53:49Look, you're gonna have to sleep in the lobby, then,
00:53:51and these stairs are the only way to your rooms.
00:53:53Have faith and be gory once. Come.
00:54:00Come on, pick up the pace.
00:54:02Stop showing off high pockets.
00:54:04Right, so, in 1935,
00:54:06the ballroom terrace was added to the 33rd floor.
00:54:13In 1966, the whole rat pack, except for Sinatra,
00:54:17stayed here on the 33rd floor.
00:54:19Imagine that, 40 old rooms,
00:54:21and you're the only one in the room.
00:54:23You're the only one in the room.
00:54:25You're the only one in the room.
00:54:27Imagine that, 40 old rooms.
00:54:29A rat who can climb 30 floors deserves a room.
00:54:33Now, in 1976,
00:54:35both presidential candidates stayed here
00:54:37because we've got two presidential suites,
00:54:4012 honeymoon suites.
00:54:47Come on!
00:54:49We're coming!
00:54:51I hope that's not the little woman.
00:54:54Oh!
00:54:56It was nothing, nothing.
00:54:58Ah, faith and be gory, it was a mouse.
00:55:01A mouse? A mouse, huh?
00:55:03Not really that much of a problem we can take care of that.
00:55:06You know, you gotta expect...
00:55:08I think it was mouse. It could have been cockroach.
00:55:11Cockroach?
00:55:13Come to think of it, you know what?
00:55:15I am so silly. It was nothing but a tiny little flea.
00:55:18Fleas!
00:55:20I'll get the manager.
00:55:24All right, what the hell is the matter with you?
00:55:35It's Willie! How did he get in there?
00:55:37I put him there. You killed him?
00:55:39Of course not. He was already dead.
00:55:41But I dragged him from floor to closet.
00:55:43Look at this, 11.30.
00:55:45What is this? It's a train schedule.
00:55:47You think he was going somewhere?
00:55:49Or he was meeting someone.
00:55:51Come on, let's go.
00:55:53Get out of here. Come on.
00:55:55But Boris, you're disguised. What if someone see you?
00:55:57We done them, we lost weight running up and down those damn stairs.
00:56:00Come on, hurry up!
00:56:02Whoever did this to Willie knows we're here anyway.
00:56:04We've got to get rid of this stiff
00:56:06before the bellhop comes back with the manager.
00:56:21Willie, look, the elevator is working.
00:56:23Oh, no, sir, excuse me.
00:56:25That elevator's in service. It's just for the hotel staff.
00:56:28We aren't the staff. I'm the house detective.
00:56:31What's the matter with him?
00:56:33He's drunk again.
00:56:35I don't know why I married him.
00:56:37Gee, don't I know you from somewhere?
00:56:42Okay, what floor?
00:56:44Any floor. We've got to dump this stiff and get to the train station.
00:56:47To see who is getting off 11.30 train, right?
00:56:49Right. You're a genius, Boris.
00:56:51It's 11.15 now.
00:56:55Oh, my God, look who it is!
00:56:57Oh, Toots, Harv.
00:56:59What do you do here?
00:57:01We're here for the party, of course. I didn't know you were invited.
00:57:03We want to come together. Who's your friend?
00:57:05Willie. Oh, no.
00:57:07Oh, no, Pulus. Mr. Willie Ornopoulos.
00:57:10He's a Greek guy, we know.
00:57:12He looks like he's had too much ouzo, if you ask me.
00:57:15We were just leaving, but if you're just getting here, we'll stay for a while.
00:57:18Oh, no, he used to drunk to party and he'd run the whole evening.
00:57:22Thank you very much, but we'd better just drive him home.
00:57:25Come on, how about if we drive Mr. What's-his-name?
00:57:29Willie Ornopoulos.
00:57:31Come on, Harv, we'll take him home so Boris and Natasha can stay and enjoy the party.
00:57:34No, no, he's all right.
00:57:39Oh, he's cold as ice.
00:57:42He's cold as ice. He was holding ice.
00:57:44It's his drinking hand.
00:57:46We have to go.
00:57:48Well, we'd better go, too, or this thing's going to go without us.
00:57:50All right.
00:57:56So how'd you two meet, Mr., um...
00:57:58Willie Ornopoulos. That's a strange name.
00:58:00Oh, he's Irish. Greek.
00:58:02Oh, right, we are Irish.
00:58:04Potsilvanian. Right, right.
00:58:06I am a gobbledering myself.
00:58:12Look up there, everybody.
00:58:14All those dead flies.
00:58:16Oh, what a shame.
00:58:18Oh, it makes me sick.
00:58:20Uh...
00:58:22Oh, he's going to be sick, too.
00:58:24We got to get him to a washroom. Come on.
00:58:26Oh, he's sick.
00:58:28Uh, uh, uh, hey, buddy, you want some help?
00:58:34Boris, I don't like this.
00:58:36First Willie, now Toots and Harv.
00:58:38I thought it was supposed to be an obscure hotel where no one'd find us.
00:58:41Shut up and keep walking.
00:58:43Uh-oh.
00:58:48Hello, Mr. and Mrs. O'Beeth.
00:58:50Hello. Hello.
00:59:03Come on, help me.
00:59:05We can't put Willie in there. He was our friend.
00:59:07We have no friends. Come on, help me.
00:59:11Come on.
00:59:17Come on, Boris, say some nice word for Willie.
00:59:20On hangers, no starch.
00:59:22You are bad.
00:59:24You are very bad, Boris.
00:59:26Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come on, you got the train scheduled?
00:59:28Oh, no, I left it in the room.
00:59:30What?
00:59:32Oh.
00:59:41Oh, I need a drink.
00:59:43It's a good idea.
00:59:45Excuse me.
00:59:48My name is Anton Polovitch.
00:59:51I understand you're looking for me.
01:00:00How did you know where to find us?
01:00:02Never mind that.
01:00:04Let's talk about the chip you're looking for.
01:00:07The chip?
01:00:09Oh, yes, of course, the chip.
01:00:13Uh, don't worry. I'll get rid of them.
01:00:16Surprise!
01:00:18What the hell?
01:00:20Look who we found.
01:00:22Mr. Willianopolis was sleeping it off in the laundry room.
01:00:24Figured you'd be looking for him.
01:00:26How come you checked in here?
01:00:28Don't you already have an apartment?
01:00:30Uh, you can't come in.
01:00:32I, uh, I'm sorry.
01:00:34You see, we've got, um...
01:00:36I'm sorry you can't come in, but, uh,
01:00:38we are having some problem with our relationship.
01:00:41And Mr. Willianopolis is our marriage counselor.
01:00:44Doesn't look like he'd be much help.
01:00:46Oh, no, not now.
01:00:48But when he comes through, he's like, uh...
01:00:50Oh, he can...
01:00:52Uh, it's a new technique.
01:00:54He deliberately incapacitated himself,
01:00:56thereby giving us a mutual responsibility.
01:00:58You see, by helping him, it helps us.
01:01:01If you're paying him more than $70 an hour,
01:01:03you're getting ripped off, pal.
01:01:06Garth, why don't we go and let those two lovebirds work it out?
01:01:09See you later, Tash.
01:01:11Oh, thank you. Bye-bye.
01:01:13Sorry, but he's gone!
01:01:16All right, get the train schedule.
01:01:18We're going to the station.
01:01:22He's gone.
01:01:23What?
01:01:24He probably took it with him. Damn!
01:01:26Now at least we know why he was here.
01:01:28Yes.
01:01:29Why?
01:01:30First he killed Willian.
01:01:32Then he come back for train schedule.
01:01:34Yes, yes, yes, yes. Well, I don't know. Maybe.
01:01:37Don't answer that door!
01:01:39But maybe it's him.
01:01:43Complementary fruit basket.
01:01:46Oh, hi, Mr. and Miss O'Beef.
01:01:48I didn't think you were here.
01:01:50Uh, anyway, uh, complementary fruit basket.
01:01:53Of course, you might not want it on account of your diet.
01:01:57By the way, you both look great.
01:01:59I've never seen such a dramatic weight loss.
01:02:02But anyway, if you need anything, just give me a ring.
01:02:06Oh, uh, by the way, if you need any pillows,
01:02:09they're, uh, here in this closet.
01:02:11No!
01:02:16I see you've met Dr. Lisbon.
01:02:18Is he dead?
01:02:19No, of course not, you idiot.
01:02:21He's a professional hypnotist.
01:02:23He's helping us with our diet.
01:02:25Look, he's in a trance right now.
01:02:27He sees everything we do, hears everything we say.
01:02:30He can see me now?
01:02:31Yes, and he's very angry at you
01:02:33because you pulled him from the closet
01:02:35when he was focusing his great powers.
01:02:37I'm sorry, Dr. Lisbon.
01:02:39I just wanted to get some pillows.
01:02:41Dr. Lisbon could help you just in the way he's helping us.
01:02:44Really? How?
01:02:46Talk to him.
01:02:47You see the door closed like this?
01:02:49He can hear you.
01:02:51I don't want to lose any weight.
01:02:53Don't insult Dr. Lisbon.
01:02:55His power goes far beyond diet.
01:02:57Dr. Lisbon know all.
01:02:59We'll leave you alone with him.
01:03:01Come, quick.
01:03:06Dr. Lisbon, it's, uh...
01:03:08It's me, Tony.
01:03:10The bellhop?
01:03:12Uh...
01:03:13I'm not fat, but I've got a little brisitis
01:03:16on the right side of my shoulder.
01:03:18I get a lot of pain. Um...
01:03:23I don't hear him.
01:03:24Listen.
01:03:30There he is.
01:03:32We'll never catch him.
01:03:34I'll catch him.
01:03:35Police!
01:03:37Ooh!
01:03:39Ah!
01:03:40Ooh!
01:03:42Hey, how close was I to that guy?
01:03:45Pretty close. I'm surprised you didn't nail him.
01:03:48I don't think so.
01:03:50I don't think so.
01:03:52I don't think so.
01:03:54I don't think so.
01:03:56I don't think so.
01:03:58You didn't nail him.
01:04:00Oh, thank you.
01:04:02That was pretty stupid thing to do.
01:04:04You could have killed him, and then we never find out what's going on.
01:04:08At least I tried.
01:04:10Well, it's too late now.
01:04:12We will never get to train station by 11.30.
01:04:15Watch this.
01:04:16Taxi!
01:04:20Police.
01:04:21Are you all right?
01:04:23He's fine here. Just showing off.
01:04:25You are one lucky stick, pal.
01:04:27Yeah, I'm real lucky.
01:04:28Can you get us to the train station by 11.30?
01:04:31For $100?
01:04:32Get in.
01:04:33OK.
01:04:34Let's go.
01:04:35Ah, we'll never make it.
01:04:56All right, Mr. Bub.
01:04:57Give me at least $50 back.
01:04:58Sorry.
01:05:02Hey, folksy.
01:05:03Whistle.
01:05:07How do we know he's the same one?
01:05:10Ah!
01:05:11Oh, good.
01:05:11He's here.
01:05:14Boris, it's him.
01:05:17Hey.
01:05:19He's going around the back.
01:05:21You cover the front.
01:05:22Hold it!
01:05:23Wait!
01:05:28Ah!
01:05:35Ah!
01:05:55Here he comes!
01:05:56Get him!
01:06:03Taxi!
01:06:09Boris, where is Professor?
01:06:11I don't know.
01:06:15There he goes!
01:06:16What the?
01:06:17Hey!
01:06:18Taxi!
01:06:26Driver, follow that scooter.
01:06:27Should have pulled the plug on that thing
01:06:29when I had the chance.
01:06:30Ah!
01:06:31Ah!
01:06:32Don't kill me, please, please.
01:06:33Boris, don't shoot.
01:06:34Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
01:06:35What the hell's going on?
01:06:36How are you doing in here?
01:06:37You are going to kill me.
01:06:38You are assassins.
01:06:39Oh, my God.
01:06:40Oh, don't be ridiculous.
01:06:41You are assassin.
01:06:42You are the one who killed Willie and left
01:06:44his body in our hotel room.
01:06:45I don't know any Willie.
01:06:46Oh, really?
01:06:47Well, then perhaps you can explain this.
01:06:49No.
01:06:50I've never seen it before.
01:06:51I've never seen you before.
01:06:53Who the hell are you anyway?
01:06:54Now, listen.
01:06:55We are asked to come find you here,
01:06:56and ever since we come to this country,
01:06:58people are shooting at us,
01:06:59bodies are dropping like flies,
01:07:00all because something to do with you.
01:07:02So, start talking, mister.
01:07:04I don't know what to say.
01:07:07Boris, he doesn't look like killer.
01:07:10What's that smell?
01:07:12Driver, stop the car!
01:07:13But why?
01:07:14Dynamite!
01:07:15Oh, no!
01:07:16I said stop the car!
01:07:18You killed him.
01:07:20Boris.
01:07:22There.
01:07:41What was that?
01:07:42We blew up.
01:07:48Did it happen again?
01:07:49Yes.
01:07:50We have to jump out.
01:07:55This is beginning to hurt.
01:07:56Jump!
01:07:57No!
01:07:58Jump!
01:08:11Marvelous.
01:08:12Absolutely magnificent.
01:08:15Never want to die again.
01:08:19It works.
01:08:20Can you believe it?
01:08:21Of course, I knew it would,
01:08:22but even so,
01:08:23this is the first true test
01:08:25under life and death conditions.
01:08:28You know, I'm really very proud.
01:08:31What the hell are you talking about?
01:08:36The chip.
01:08:37Yes, there it was at long last,
01:08:39the incredible time-reversing microchip
01:08:41that they didn't even know existed.
01:08:43It is incredible.
01:08:44We didn't even know it existed.
01:08:46And as they stood in the moonlight,
01:08:48Dr. Polovich explained all about it,
01:08:50how he had invented it,
01:08:51and about all the different people who were after it,
01:08:53including his own insane twin brother, Krigor,
01:08:55who was rampaging around
01:08:56trying to kill anyone who got in his way.
01:08:59Well, our heroes were so impressed,
01:09:00they immediately vowed to join forces
01:09:02to stop the world from misusing his incredible invention.
01:09:07Unfortunately, he talked so long,
01:09:09he put them all to sleep.
01:09:11And they slept so soundly
01:09:13that not even the 515 from Yonkers
01:09:15could wake them up.
01:09:24He's got us!
01:09:25What?
01:09:26Professor Polovich!
01:09:27Damn, why does this always have to happen?
01:09:41Boris, look!
01:09:46That's it? No clue?
01:09:48This is clue.
01:09:50Yes, it was clue.
01:09:52Lucky for them and lucky for us,
01:09:53the professor had the presence of mind
01:09:54to leave it just as he was being snatched away.
01:09:56And with one look at that penny,
01:09:58Natasha made the obvious conclusion.
01:10:02Oh, look, Boris.
01:10:03I feel just like we're in an Alfred Hitchcock movie.
01:10:07Don't kid yourself.
01:10:08Here, look at this.
01:10:11East tunnel.
01:10:12East nasal passage. Come on!
01:10:41Boris!
01:10:42Shh!
01:11:11Boris, look.
01:11:13A secret laboratory.
01:11:16Good boy.
01:11:28You know what this is?
01:11:29It's dust-free room for making microchip.
01:11:33I knew that.
01:11:34Boris, look.
01:11:41Is Pennsylvania in pain?
01:11:44We don't have time for that, Poopsy. Come on!
01:11:47Get a load of this.
01:11:58Must be hundreds.
01:12:07He's mailing them all over the world.
01:12:09Help!
01:12:10Listen.
01:12:11Help!
01:12:12I think there's someone in there.
01:12:19Hello?
01:12:20Hello?
01:12:21Help!
01:12:22Poopsy, here.
01:12:25Dr. Polovich!
01:12:26Thank God you found me.
01:12:28What the hell are you doing hanging upside down?
01:12:30Boris, don't talk to him. Cut him down.
01:12:32All right.
01:12:40Boris!
01:12:41Was not nice.
01:12:43I assumed he would tuck and roll.
01:12:45Not everyone is hung upside down as much as we are.
01:12:49How can I ever thank you?
01:12:51I assume you got my clue.
01:12:52The penny was brilliantly simple.
01:12:54Sure, sure. We made the connection right away.
01:12:56Come on. Up on your feet.
01:13:01What is this place?
01:13:02Oh, this is my home, my secret laboratory.
01:13:05But who kidnapped you?
01:13:07Grigo.
01:13:08Your twin?
01:13:09Everybody thought he was dead.
01:13:11But he was too brilliant, too clever for them.
01:13:15And finally, when I...
01:13:17When he found me...
01:13:18Wait a minute.
01:13:19Where did you get these shoes?
01:13:24Hands up!
01:13:25What the hell?
01:13:26But what are you doing?
01:13:27Get back!
01:13:28Back, I say!
01:13:29But why?
01:13:30Why?
01:13:37The resemblance is uncanny, don't you think?
01:13:45Anton?
01:13:46Who else?
01:13:47Come on, we got to get you out of here.
01:13:54Look, Grigo.
01:13:55You don't have to kill us.
01:13:57We could all go back to Pennsylvania together.
01:13:59You would get a hero's welcome.
01:14:01I'm not interested in a hero's welcome.
01:14:03I'm interested in money.
01:14:06Hundreds and millions of dollars.
01:14:09Do you know?
01:14:10Do you know what this idiot was doing?
01:14:12Mass-producing the time-reverse chip?
01:14:14What kind of stupid thing is that?
01:14:16That is a very interesting question.
01:14:18I realized at once the military implications
01:14:21of how one nation could rule the world.
01:14:24I tried to destroy the chip,
01:14:26but it kept coming back, don't you see?
01:14:28So I decided I had to make more
01:14:30so that every country on Earth could have them.
01:14:33And think of the good.
01:14:35Why, it could end war, it could...
01:14:37He was going to give them away, do you believe it?
01:14:39Give them away!
01:14:41It's a good thing I found you in time to kill you.
01:14:43Yes, dear brother, kill you,
01:14:45so I can re-emerge as you
01:14:47and claim the rewards I justly deserve
01:14:50as the inventor of the chip.
01:14:52You have nothing to do with it.
01:14:54And if you kill us, it will be on your head.
01:14:56I can live with that.
01:14:58Well, I can't. Neither can I.
01:15:00Quiet!
01:15:02Ow! God damn it!
01:15:06Drop the gun!
01:15:08Well, thanks to God you're here.
01:15:10This maniac was trying to kill us.
01:15:12Don't get your hopes up, kid.
01:15:14My plans for you aren't much brighter.
01:15:17All right, hand over the chip.
01:15:20Excuse me, sir, please don't kill us.
01:15:23If you want the chip for your government, I'd be...
01:15:25No, no, Troy, you're wrong, Doc.
01:15:27I'm not working for the government today.
01:15:29I'm working for the real power in America,
01:15:32the auto industry,
01:15:34not to mention defense contractors
01:15:36and insurance companies.
01:15:38If this chip gets out,
01:15:40can you imagine what would happen to weapon sales and cars?
01:15:43What if there were never another car crash?
01:15:46Come on, wake up and smell the napalm.
01:15:49My people want this chip on ice for a couple of years
01:15:51till we can figure out some kind of strategy.
01:15:53That's immoral.
01:15:55So is car insurance, but you still pay for it.
01:15:57Drop the gun, Sheldon.
01:15:59Drop it or you're dead.
01:16:06Toots! Harv!
01:16:08Also known as Agent Moose and Squirrel.
01:16:11Moose and Squirrel?
01:16:13Yes, your old adversaries.
01:16:15Surgically altered once again.
01:16:17Oh, boy.
01:16:19I thought it was friend.
01:16:21Sorry, Tash, old kid,
01:16:23but this is business. You understand?
01:16:25So, you knew all along?
01:16:27Sure. Well, he was in with me
01:16:29till I found out he was a double agent.
01:16:31So you killed him?
01:16:33No, I thought you killed him.
01:16:35No, you didn't kill him.
01:16:37All right, all right, I killed him. Let's change the subject.
01:16:39To what? You and your genius?
01:16:41He's just trying to bring the conversation back to himself.
01:16:43He does it all the time.
01:16:45No, I really killed him.
01:16:47Why is everyone so stupid?
01:16:49Look, I was pretending to be Anton.
01:16:51When you surprised me when you came back to the room,
01:16:53when I came back to the room to find the train schedule
01:16:55Willie had taken from me in the scuffle when I killed him,
01:16:57because he'd followed me to the hotel
01:16:59where I had followed you, if you follow me.
01:17:01After Willie had killed Minnelli,
01:17:03who was talking to you about Willie.
01:17:05No, no, about Anton.
01:17:07No, where was I?
01:17:09Wait a minute.
01:17:11So who shot up our apartment?
01:17:13I did.
01:17:15Oh, you're a real fun guy, aren't you?
01:17:17All right, that's enough.
01:17:21Drop the gun.
01:17:23Fearless leader.
01:17:25Shut your mouth.
01:17:27Everybody in the force, especially you two.
01:17:29But fearless leader.
01:17:31Quiet.
01:17:33Well, well, it's been a long time, Felix.
01:17:35Suez 62, wasn't it?
01:17:37Shut up about that.
01:17:39No, fear is the microchip.
01:17:41So Minnelli was right.
01:17:43You're using us.
01:17:45Of course.
01:17:47I had the chance to be the most powerful man in the world.
01:17:51And get rid of you too,
01:17:53all at the same time.
01:17:55It would have worked too
01:17:57if this cretin hadn't shot my best assassin.
01:18:03I'm sorry, Krieger,
01:18:05to ruin your ingenious little plan.
01:18:09You've made me a very wealthy man.
01:18:11It's a pity none of you
01:18:13will live to witness it.
01:18:17Where is the head of Pierre?
01:18:19Oh, shut up.
01:18:29Drive him, Boris.
01:18:33Get off that bus, you idiot!
01:18:37You do what?
01:18:39Now you will pay!
01:18:51Don't anybody move!
01:19:09What do we do now, Boris?
01:19:11You got a light?
01:19:17Boris!
01:19:19I was saving this for a rainy day.
01:19:21Heads up, everybody!
01:19:23No!
01:19:25No!
01:19:39No!
01:19:53Boris.
01:19:55Boris.
01:19:57Boris.
01:19:59Speak to me, Boris.
01:20:03Get leg off chest.
01:20:05Oh, Boris, darling.
01:20:07Thank God you're safe.
01:20:09Oh, no.
01:20:11Look, darling, look.
01:20:13We are in Valoon.
01:20:17You got kidding.
01:20:19Look, he's brought that back.
01:20:21An egg of Kiev.
01:20:23Oh, Boris.
01:20:25It was chips.
01:20:27You blew us all the way back to beginning of movie.
01:20:29I did?
01:20:31Oh, yeah, I did.
01:20:33Pretty good plan, huh, poopsie?
01:20:35Hello?
01:20:39Polaridge, what the hell are you doing here?
01:20:41That is an interesting question.
01:20:43Some kind of overload, I should think.
01:20:45Wait a minute. We got to figure out what is going on here.
01:20:47We are in Valoon.
01:20:49We have egg.
01:20:51And not one thing has happened yet.
01:20:53Okey-dokey.
01:20:55So now we go back to Pots...
01:20:57Oh, no.
01:20:59What?
01:21:01If we know what's going to happen, then so does fearless leader.
01:21:03There's only one thing we can do.
01:21:09We go to Tahiti.
01:21:13Boris, darling.
01:21:23Wait a minute.
01:21:25Are there only two of them?
01:21:27Yes, Colonel Gordon.
01:21:29For a moment I thought I saw three.
01:21:33Oh, by the way,
01:21:35I never really got your names.
01:21:37Oh, permit me to introduce myself.
01:21:39I'm Boris Badenov,
01:21:41and this is my...
01:21:43my girlfriend,
01:21:45Natasha Fetal.
01:21:47And so they went to Tahiti.
01:21:49Unfortunately, it was monsoon season,
01:21:51and most of the residents
01:21:53were in the process of evacuating the island,
01:21:55but Boris and Natasha didn't care.
01:21:57They were safe.
01:21:59They were together,
01:22:01and things were back to normal.
01:22:03Hey, Boris!
01:22:05What are you doing here?
01:22:07I'm here to help you.
01:22:09I'm here to help you.
01:22:11I'm here to help you.
01:22:13I'm here to help you.
01:22:15Hey, Puffy!
01:22:45And did they really think that Fearless Leader
01:22:47wouldn't come after them?
01:22:49Time had been reversed, so Agent X would still be alive.
01:22:51What?
01:22:53And what about Moose?
01:22:55Squirrel?
01:22:57Kaufman?
01:22:59What about Jose?
01:23:01Maneli?
01:23:03Kalashak?
01:23:05What about Telly Savalas?
01:23:07What's he been doing lately?
01:23:09And who the hell is this guy?
01:23:11The answers to these questions
01:23:13Did they think that no one could follow them?
01:23:15Did they think they could just sit there?
01:23:17Ah, shut up!
01:23:19Well, be with us next time
01:23:21for Goodbye, Mr. Chip,
01:23:23or the Megabyte's Back!
01:23:29It's good to be mad
01:23:33It's bad to be good
01:23:37It's good to be mad
01:23:41It's bad to be good
01:23:45Some women want a man to be nice
01:23:48Holding down the five-yard kisser
01:23:50Once or twice
01:23:52But if you're looking for danger
01:23:54It's the same old song
01:23:56You need a bad, bad man
01:23:58A man that's gone wrong
01:24:00I've got a lover that makes me weep
01:24:03While tossing and turning
01:24:05I can't get no sleep
01:24:07Everybody's asking me
01:24:09I love him so much
01:24:11He's a bad, bad man
01:24:13With a dynamite touch
01:24:15He's got a dynamite touch
01:24:19You're so bad, you're good
01:24:22It's good to be bad
01:24:26It's good to be mad
01:24:29It's bad to be good
01:24:34Bogging, becoming, love on the bed
01:24:37Body in cloud or hell on a bed
01:24:40Asked her to hit it while
01:24:42His women go wild
01:24:44He's got a long, cruel gun
01:24:46That he treats like a child
01:24:48I've got a lover that makes me weep
01:24:51While tossing and turning
01:24:53I can't get no sleep
01:24:55Everybody's asking me
01:24:57I love him so much
01:24:59He's a bad, bad man
01:25:01With a dynamite touch
01:25:03He's got a dynamite touch
01:25:06It's good to be bad
01:25:09It's bad to be good
01:25:13It's good to be bad
01:25:16It's bad to be good
01:25:21Do what you shouldn't, not what you should
01:25:24You know you look to other men
01:25:26In your neighborhood, you know you do it
01:25:29It's just a question of when
01:25:31And if you don't understand me
01:25:33Then I'll tell you again
01:25:35It's good to be bad
01:25:38It's bad to be good
01:25:43It's good to be bad
01:25:46It's bad to be good
01:25:50It's good to be bad
01:25:53It's bad to be good
01:25:57It's good to be bad
01:25:59It's good to be bad
01:26:01It's good to be, good to be, good to be bad
01:26:05It's good to be bad
01:26:08It's bad to be good
01:26:12It's good to be bad
01:26:15It's bad to be good
01:26:20It's good to be bad
01:26:22It's good to be bad
01:26:24It's good to be bad
01:26:26It's good to be bad
01:26:28It's good to be bad
01:26:31It's bad to be good
01:26:35It's good to be bad
01:26:38It's bad to be good
01:26:42It's good to be bad
01:26:45It's bad to be good
01:26:50It's good to be bad
01:26:53It's bad to be good
01:26:57It's good to be bad
01:27:00It's bad to be good
01:27:04It's good to be bad
01:27:07It's bad to be good
01:27:11It's good to be bad
01:27:14It's bad to be good
01:27:17I was around 12 and
01:27:19that's when I guess I realized
01:27:21my parents didn't really like me, you know?
01:27:23I mean, not really hated me
01:27:25but I just think that...
01:27:27Well, see, there was this one time
01:27:29we went on this camping trip
01:27:31during the summer to Yellowstone
01:27:33and see, there were these bears