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  • 2 days ago
Family Heist
Transcript
00:00:30Listen, L.A.L.A., big city of dreams, baby.
00:00:47You got Hollywood, Bel-Air, Silicon Beach, and Beverly Hills, right?
00:00:52Four of the wealthiest neighborhoods in the country.
00:00:56And then, dun-dun-dun, the South Central.
00:01:00Now, be honest, all right?
00:01:02When you hear the word South Central, what do you think?
00:01:04Well, then, what the hell are all these rich white people doing here, hmm?
00:01:10You see, six blocks from one of the most expensive colleges in the country sits one of the poorest
00:01:17neighborhoods in the country.
00:01:20And that's where your boy grew up.
00:01:22We got a family business.
00:01:24More emphasis on family than business, because we always broke.
00:01:29Twenty years ago, my dad and uncle started this gym to keep kids out of gangs and off
00:01:33the streets, give them some positive role models.
00:01:36Then, they got locked up for bank robbery.
00:01:39I believe they call that irony.
00:01:42That left me and my mom to run this place on our own.
00:01:45She done a whole lot of good for this community, but doing good don't really pay the bills,
00:01:49you know what I'm saying?
00:01:50And the bank's about to shut us down.
00:01:53Over the years, we kept the doors open with endless side hustles.
00:01:56And that's where my boy, Juice, comes in.
00:01:58We've been best boys since I was a little jit.
00:02:00Now, Juice, he the plug.
00:02:03You need anything, he can get it.
00:02:05Just don't ask him how.
00:02:07Why you laughing?
00:02:09Why you laughing?
00:02:11But luckily, my girlfriend, Alicia, has always been there to get us back on track.
00:02:15I mean, she don't know she's my girlfriend yet.
00:02:19Like, she got a serious crush on me.
00:02:21Like, serious crush.
00:02:23She say she waiting for a real man.
00:02:25But if that's not me, then why she be flirting so hard?
00:02:29Look at her.
00:02:30Look how she looking at me.
00:02:31Zoom in.
00:02:32Come on.
00:02:33You see that, right?
00:02:36So that's life in the hood.
00:02:37I mean, we don't have much, but if I can keep those gym doors open, I can keep my little
00:02:43family together.
00:02:44And really, that's what it's all about.
00:02:48Nah, I'm just fucking with you.
00:02:52It's about them dead presidents, y'all.
00:02:53Get it?
00:02:54I'm going to kick your ass so hard, you're going to be able to give yourself a real job.
00:03:03You really want to go out like that?
00:03:06South Central, baby.
00:03:08Yeah, think about it.
00:03:10It's no game.
00:03:12You in it right now.
00:03:13Let's go.
00:03:14Nah.
00:03:15I'm crazy.
00:03:16I'm crazy.
00:03:17I'm crazy.
00:03:18I'm crazy.
00:03:20I'm crazy.
00:03:21I'm crazy.
00:03:22I'm crazy.
00:03:23I'm crazy.
00:03:24I'm crazy.
00:03:25You will die today.
00:03:26Now, I apologize for the language, y'all, but this is the kind of tough talk you're
00:03:29going to hear out in these streets.
00:03:30Now, of course, I could teach y'all how to fight, give them a little one, two, three,
00:03:34four.
00:03:35What's that going to solve?
00:03:36What I'm uniquely qualified to teach y'all is that sometimes your best weapons are your
00:03:41words.
00:03:42We're going to put these down and pick this up.
00:03:45Words?
00:03:47This is the MMA class, so stop being a little b**** and let's fight.
00:03:50Oh, okay.
00:03:51Look at this guy.
00:03:52A little hyped up.
00:03:53Get him, Reggie.
00:03:54Tone it down a notch.
00:03:55You afraid to swing?
00:03:56That's great again.
00:03:57I see what you're doing.
00:04:00Nothing, he says, can provoke me because I am de-escalating the situation.
00:04:04I never thought I'd get this close to a vagina until I was at least 10.
00:04:08What's a vagina?
00:04:09Look, I'm going to tell you one time, one time only.
00:04:12You're going to sit your little a** in that corner.
00:04:16I'm going to count to three.
00:04:18One.
00:04:19Three.
00:04:26Okay, listen.
00:04:35I command y'all to sit down.
00:04:37Sit down and listen to me.
00:04:38Put them out with my D4.
00:04:41Oh, that was an accident.
00:04:46Y'all saw it was an accident, right?
00:04:47You, you, you.
00:04:48You look like you know CPR.
00:04:49Come on, white girl.
00:04:50Go ahead.
00:04:51Do some magic.
00:04:52Go, go, go.
00:04:53Check his pulse.
00:04:54Check his pulse.
00:04:55What the heck is going on here, Dal?
00:04:59Listen, y'all don't ruin this for me.
00:05:01Just stay tight.
00:05:02Hey, Alicia.
00:05:03We're just wrapping up our session on de-escalation.
00:05:06You're going to be okay.
00:05:09And that is how not to get into a fight.
00:05:11Oh, man.
00:05:13Watch out for the kid with the curly hair.
00:05:15He is mean.
00:05:16It's not a joke, Dal.
00:05:17I ask you to watch my class for ten minutes.
00:05:20He started it.
00:05:21It's the dumbest shit I've heard from anyone all day.
00:05:24And that includes juice.
00:05:25As promised, I got you a pair of refurbished Jordans, okay?
00:05:28And according to the shoe facts,
00:05:30I only got two people wearing these shoes prior.
00:05:32You realize you're the adult here, right?
00:05:35When are you going to start acting like one?
00:05:38Dal, quit trying to get my staff pregnant
00:05:40and fix the damn air conditioner.
00:05:42Ain't nobody trying to get her pregnant, Ma.
00:05:44Mind your business.
00:05:45Just because you're fucking it up
00:05:47don't mean you ain't trying.
00:05:49Dal, look at that thing.
00:05:50It's going to fall and kill somebody.
00:05:52You're going to call the repairman.
00:05:53That's your fault, Mama.
00:05:54Oh, a repairman.
00:05:56You know what?
00:05:57I'm tripping.
00:05:58Let me dip into this discretionary fund
00:06:00so I can pay for that shit.
00:06:02You cannot give your son the middle finger.
00:06:04Why not?
00:06:05I've already tried the other two.
00:06:07One, Dal, get yourself out of bed
00:06:09and go to school before you flunk out.
00:06:11Two, I'm not going to tell you again
00:06:13to stop smoking weed and playing video games.
00:06:15No results.
00:06:17So I'm going to try three and see what happens.
00:06:20When the phone get turned back on.
00:06:27Dre's Gym, this is Dal speaking.
00:06:29You have a call from Folsom Prison.
00:06:31This call is timed and monitored.
00:06:34Yo, yo, yo, Dal.
00:06:37It's your pops.
00:06:38Yo, what you calling here for, Dad?
00:06:39Did you just not say this is Dre's Gym?
00:06:41Who the fuck you think Dre is?
00:06:43It's me, fucker.
00:06:44It's me.
00:06:45I can call whatever the fuck I please.
00:06:49Now, look, I know you're struggling and everything,
00:06:51but listen.
00:06:52I might have a way to help you.
00:06:54We've been getting along just fine my whole life
00:06:56without your help.
00:06:57Look, I know, son, but I...
00:06:58You have one minute, you fucking jail robot.
00:07:01Look, I ain't got time to be polite.
00:07:03I know you mad at me and everything,
00:07:05but I care about you and I care about your mama
00:07:07and I highly suggest if you want to keep that place open,
00:07:09you get your skinny ass down here
00:07:11and see me before it's motherfucking too late.
00:07:23My boy!
00:07:24Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
00:07:26You done came to see your old man, huh?
00:07:29Look, Dad, this is business, all right?
00:07:31Let's not pretend it's anything else.
00:07:32You said you could help me.
00:07:34You know what?
00:07:35You're smart.
00:07:36Just like me.
00:07:38I'm nothing like you.
00:07:40Okay, now, look, look, look.
00:07:42Now, I know I wasn't in your life, all right?
00:07:44But I want to make it up to you, okay?
00:07:47I want to make it up to you.
00:07:51Badass!
00:07:52It's a pretty small box
00:07:53to contain my entire childhood, Dad.
00:07:55Yeah, it's a gift from my mother's fucking heart.
00:08:00Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
00:08:01What is this?
00:08:03That's a Mr. Potato Head.
00:08:04A what?
00:08:05Look at that.
00:08:06I knew you was gonna love that.
00:08:07Look at that.
00:08:08You got the little eyes right here.
00:08:10Then you got the little nose.
00:08:11Got a little comb for the mustache.
00:08:13This is some smart shit.
00:08:15This is gonna teach you some shit.
00:08:17And he also got that,
00:08:18just in case I have to lay a couple motherfuckers down up in here.
00:08:24Look, Dad, I'm an adult now.
00:08:25Oh, so you too old to learn?
00:08:27So I guess you too old to learn
00:08:29how to solve your little bank problem, huh?
00:08:32Okay, look, what I meant to say was
00:08:34this is great.
00:08:35This is amazing.
00:08:36Yeah, it is.
00:08:37I'm gonna put it right back in this box.
00:08:38You know what?
00:08:39Come here.
00:08:41Come on.
00:08:42Come on, sit on Daddy's lap.
00:08:43You said what?
00:08:44On my lap.
00:08:45Sit down on my lap.
00:08:46On your lap?
00:08:47Yeah.
00:08:48Get your ass over here.
00:08:49Sit down.
00:08:50Right here.
00:08:51You sit right here.
00:08:52I ain't gonna bite you, boy.
00:08:53I'm your Daddy.
00:08:54Okay.
00:08:55But the tickle monster might be...
00:08:56Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
00:08:59You remember that?
00:09:00I used to tickle you when you was little.
00:09:02Looks like ain't nobody tickled you.
00:09:03When I was a kid, I'm an adult now.
00:09:04All right, I got a little out of hand with the tickling,
00:09:07but I'm trying to make up for 17 years
00:09:09that I have missed in your life.
00:09:11Now, listen.
00:09:12Now, you know me and your Uncle Leon.
00:09:14Come on.
00:09:15Me and your Uncle Leon,
00:09:16we in here for bank robbery.
00:09:18Okay?
00:09:19Mm-hmm.
00:09:20What you might not know
00:09:21is that the police didn't find the money.
00:09:24Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
00:09:26I was planning on giving that money
00:09:28to you and your mama when I got out,
00:09:31but your crazy-ass Uncle Leon
00:09:33then fucked around and got out a couple nights ago.
00:09:35So you got to get out and get that cash.
00:09:38Wait.
00:09:39How much money?
00:09:45A million dollars.
00:09:47And it's in this flop house in the basement.
00:09:50The money's in the wall.
00:09:52Let's get the money, man.
00:09:54Let's get the money.
00:09:55No.
00:09:56You just walked in here and act like
00:09:58you didn't know that I was your daddy.
00:10:01Now, you gonna come with that,
00:10:02ooh-wee, fake shit.
00:10:04Ooh-wee!
00:10:07And all that shit.
00:10:10I'm sorry.
00:10:11I apologize.
00:10:12Now, the only way you gonna get that money
00:10:14is you gonna do what I tell you to do.
00:10:16And you know what that is?
00:10:17What's that?
00:10:18Let me read you a bedtime story.
00:10:20Come on, Dad.
00:10:21No, no.
00:10:22You gonna shut the fuck up
00:10:23and let your daddy read you a bedtime story.
00:10:25This book here is called
00:10:29The Long Red Train.
00:10:33Okay.
00:10:35There's a new cookbook in the cafeteria.
00:10:38Good morning, little children's staff and students.
00:10:41We have a brand-new cookbook.
00:10:43Can you read it without the accent?
00:10:44Shut the fuck up.
00:10:45I'm gonna read it how the fuck I want to read it.
00:10:47I'm your daddy.
00:10:48Okay.
00:10:50I hope you like the gourmet feast that I made.
00:10:54Hope you do.
00:10:56We get to the flop house.
00:10:57We go to the basement.
00:10:58We get the money.
00:10:59Our lives are set.
00:11:00Yo, I'm telling you.
00:11:01Hey, we gonna be rich, man.
00:11:02No, no, no.
00:11:03I'm gonna be rich, okay?
00:11:04Y'all get 5%,
00:11:05depending on how much work you put in.
00:11:06What the hell?
00:11:10What has happened to the ghetto?
00:11:11Chipotle got a valet?
00:11:13Come on.
00:11:14It's the next street up.
00:11:15But how did Chipotle got a valet?
00:11:16I don't know.
00:11:17They didn't put a coffee bean where they shot Jermaine.
00:11:24Shit!
00:11:26They turned the flop house into a frat house.
00:11:28What are we gonna do?
00:11:34We get a drill.
00:11:35Huh?
00:11:36The same drills that they dig the subways with.
00:11:39We dig it straight to the basement El Chapo stab.
00:11:42Right?
00:11:43And we grab the loot.
00:11:44That's a plot from Ocean's 13.
00:11:46You're right.
00:11:47Scratch that.
00:11:48I say we go in with 17 monkeys and a horse.
00:11:50That's plenty of the apes, man.
00:11:51So you've seen it.
00:11:53You got problems.
00:11:54Like I worry about you sometimes, Juice.
00:11:56Okay, all right, all right.
00:11:57Damn.
00:11:58We get Craig and Day Day.
00:11:59That's Friday.
00:12:07I had a feeling you'd be up here.
00:12:10Oh, hey.
00:12:11What?
00:12:12You're not gonna hit me, right?
00:12:16So what are you doing in my thinking spot?
00:12:19Thinking?
00:12:23What do you come up here to think about?
00:12:25Honestly, I'm thinking about what I would do with the money.
00:12:29Let me do your shopping list for you.
00:12:31One sneakers, two weed.
00:12:33Oh.
00:12:34That's two things.
00:12:36You really think that's what I would do?
00:12:37Give me a reason not to.
00:12:40Okay, listen.
00:12:42Honestly, I'm not doing this for myself, okay?
00:12:44I'm doing it for my mom.
00:12:46This place is like her life.
00:12:48If I don't do something big, then she could lose it all.
00:12:52If you care so much about her, why don't you ever do the little things she asks?
00:12:56The rats, the showers, that AC unit she's been on your ass about every single day.
00:13:05If I get that money soon, none of that even matters.
00:13:08I can make this place really special.
00:13:11And if I got some money left over, yeah, I'm gonna budget in some kicks and weed.
00:13:16Oh, you thought I was gonna leave that out?
00:13:18No, I didn't.
00:13:19Okay, good.
00:13:20I'm right here if you want to smoke it.
00:13:21No, you don't.
00:13:22What is that?
00:13:23It's some weed.
00:13:24It's a little bitty weed.
00:13:25You can barely see it.
00:13:26Look.
00:13:27What is wrong with you?
00:13:30So, where do we hide?
00:13:32Why don't you come out here and take a bath?
00:13:34I'm trying to figure out how we're gonna get into that damn frat house in the first place.
00:13:39Don't worry.
00:13:41I got a couple ideas.
00:13:44Oh, no.
00:13:50Hello, sir.
00:13:56Deputy Fire Marshal Frank McCaskey.
00:13:58Do you have the DS-367 Certification and Fire Inspection Certificate?
00:14:02You need a certification on your certificate?
00:14:05About my way.
00:14:06Do you know how flammable these are?
00:14:10I smell smoke.
00:14:12Yeah?
00:14:13Let me take a wild guess.
00:14:14Took the batteries out the smoke detector, let the place burn down, collect the insurance money.
00:14:17Not on my watch.
00:14:20Are you kidding me?
00:14:23Anybody here read the news?
00:14:25Of course not.
00:14:26I'm surprised the lithium battery on this thing hasn't exploded yet.
00:14:29This place is a lot worse than I thought.
00:14:31Somebody needs to take me down to the basement right now.
00:14:34Yo, what the hell is going on?
00:14:36Fire inspection.
00:14:37I need you to take me down to the basement right now.
00:14:39I checked the foundation.
00:14:40Yo, we had a fire inspection a week ago, dog.
00:14:43And you're lucky we didn't shut you down then, dog.
00:14:49If you're a fire inspector, why is your little badge say Guardia de Seguridad?
00:14:55My budget cuts, motherfucker.
00:14:58You know what?
00:14:59I'm going to go ahead and get the fuck up out of here.
00:15:02I'm confiscating this.
00:15:04You, the fraternity letters, that says Cox.
00:15:06You might want to change that.
00:15:12We just letting anyone in the house now?
00:15:14That's my fault, man.
00:15:16I think he took your hoverboard.
00:15:25I got it.
00:15:27We rush the frat. Bam.
00:15:28Yup.
00:15:29That's what I'm talking about.
00:15:30You know what I'm saying?
00:15:31We get strapped, we get mean, and we rush that motherfucker.
00:15:36Excuse my friend, y'all.
00:15:37I'm sorry.
00:15:38He's on drugs.
00:15:40No, no, no.
00:15:41I mean rush the frat.
00:15:42It's rush week.
00:15:43I'm going to get him by joining the fraternity.
00:15:45That's what I'm talking about.
00:15:46Keep it simple.
00:15:47Yup.
00:15:48But you're not a student.
00:15:50Juice.
00:15:51On it.
00:15:52Got a guy that's going to make a fake ID and a perfect name to fit in the fraternity scene.
00:15:55Bam.
00:15:56But all those bros have already seen your face.
00:15:59You think they're not going to call you out on this?
00:16:04She don't know.
00:16:05She don't know.
00:16:06She likes it.
00:16:07She likes it.
00:16:08She don't really know what's going on.
00:16:09Alicia, Alicia.
00:16:10You know so little about white people.
00:16:11So little.
00:16:12They are terrified of being called racist.
00:16:14Mm-hmm.
00:16:15If a white guy sees a brother they've seen before, they're not going to be like, oh my God.
00:16:18Antoine, is that you?
00:16:20Mm-hmm.
00:16:21Because they don't want to look like some good old boy that thinks all brothers look the same.
00:16:25But how are you so sure they want you in the first place?
00:16:28See, these days they need at least one token.
00:16:31One.
00:16:32You think you're going to be the only minority trying to get in?
00:16:34Mm-mm.
00:16:35What are you going to do about your competition?
00:16:36Oh, let me show them.
00:16:37Tough.
00:16:38You ready?
00:16:39You ready?
00:16:40Do it.
00:16:41Do it.
00:16:42Try.
00:16:43No.
00:16:44No.
00:16:45That's not what we rehearsed.
00:16:46All right, you say action.
00:16:47I'll do it to him.
00:16:48Don't say it.
00:16:49Don't say it.
00:16:50Action.
00:16:51Charm.
00:16:52Hit me in the back of the head.
00:17:03Greetings, gentlemen.
00:17:04I'm here to rush.
00:17:09Name?
00:17:10Ah.
00:17:11Ah.
00:17:14Chet Buttersworth?
00:17:16That's my name.
00:17:18I don't know.
00:17:21Next generation equity.
00:17:22Next space.
00:17:23Now that's an offshore equity hedging company.
00:17:25Yeah?
00:17:27It's got several advantages over JavaScript.
00:17:31Nice to meet you.
00:17:32Chet Buttersworth.
00:17:33Listen, don't you guys find it a little odd that they have the white people over there?
00:17:39And other people right here?
00:17:42Well, we just sort of congregated here by chance.
00:17:44Chance.
00:17:45That's funny.
00:17:46What's your name?
00:17:47Zach.
00:17:48Zach.
00:17:49Kind of tall for an Asian is what they're saying.
00:17:50Me?
00:17:51I'm like, he's a human being.
00:17:52You guys know about the theme parties they had last year?
00:17:54No?
00:17:55Okay, just to name a few.
00:17:57No fly list.
00:17:58I've been working on the railroad.
00:18:00They want you to build a wall outside, right outside the frat.
00:18:02They're like, he doesn't even speak English.
00:18:04I'm like, he does speak English, right?
00:18:06Okay.
00:18:07Guys, you can be a part of the problem or you can be a part of the revolution.
00:18:11Yeah?
00:18:12What do you guys say?
00:18:13We all come together.
00:18:14Make it really explosive.
00:18:15No pun intended.
00:18:16And we fight this thing.
00:18:17We're not going to put up with any racist bullshit.
00:18:19We're going to take back the night.
00:18:21Take back the nights of women's movement.
00:18:22Don't kill my momentum, Zachary.
00:18:24I'm on a roll right now, okay?
00:18:25Guys, new slogan just for you.
00:18:27Token is broken.
00:18:28Cool?
00:18:30Token is broken.
00:18:31Token is broken.
00:18:32Token is broken.
00:18:34Token is broken.
00:18:35Mark.
00:18:36Token is broken.
00:18:37Yeah.
00:18:38Token is broken.
00:18:39Come on.
00:18:40Black leader pack.
00:18:41The Asian trailblazer.
00:18:42Wherever you are.
00:18:43And that's on y'all.
00:18:44Under that.
00:18:45Token is broken.
00:18:46Token is broken.
00:18:47Token is broken.
00:18:48Token is broken.
00:18:49Thank God they're gone, right?
00:18:51Don't worry, fellas.
00:18:52I'm one of the good ones.
00:18:54You know, I would say that I'm slightly overqualified for your organization, but I play golf.
00:18:59So, I mean, you know, that's cool.
00:19:01Got a hole in one.
00:19:02I made to polo.
00:19:03Both kinds.
00:19:04Ultimate frisbee.
00:19:05As I call it, ultimate frizz.
00:19:06I was the captain of that for four years straight.
00:19:09Turned downhill.
00:19:10Wow.
00:19:11That's Harvard and Yale.
00:19:12Yeah.
00:19:13Wow.
00:19:14So, what do you think?
00:19:15Pretty good group this year?
00:19:17Yo.
00:19:19I think I know that guy.
00:19:20Didn't he, like, come through here trying to pretend to be a fire inspector or some shit?
00:19:24Which guy?
00:19:26Oh, come on, man.
00:19:27That's not okay.
00:19:28What's not okay?
00:19:29You're basically saying that all black people look the same to you.
00:19:33That's like the litmus test for racism.
00:19:35What?
00:19:36I'm not saying that, man.
00:19:37I'm saying that's the same black person who came through here and stole Eddie's hoverboard.
00:19:41Oh, and now he's a thief.
00:19:42Hmm?
00:19:43Will you listen to me, man?
00:19:44I'm the least racist asshole you know.
00:19:52Ha.
00:19:54I was out of context, fam.
00:19:55Ha.
00:19:57Like you never said it, Roger.
00:20:01What are you thinking?
00:20:02Fraternities get sued over this kind of stuff all the time.
00:20:04Sued for what, man?
00:20:06He ain't got no damages.
00:20:08You know me.
00:20:09How could I hate black people?
00:20:10I ride the bus.
00:20:12Oh, my God.
00:20:13Don't talk near him.
00:20:14You're missing the point, man.
00:20:15That guy's up to something.
00:20:17So, you can give him a bit if you want.
00:20:19That's cool.
00:20:20I'm going to find out what it is.
00:20:22What are you doing?
00:20:23I've been working on my signature move.
00:20:25From the ropes?
00:20:26What is this, UFC or WWE?
00:20:28Are you ready?
00:20:29Uh, yeah.
00:20:30Really?
00:20:31Because the last time you stepped in this ring, you got your ass handed to you by a
00:20:33bunch of little kids.
00:20:34Ooh.
00:20:35With all due respect, you're like half my weight.
00:20:37Oh, man.
00:20:38Come on, man.
00:20:39Oh, shit.
00:20:40Oh, shit.
00:20:41Oh, shit.
00:20:42Oh, shit.
00:20:43Oh, shit.
00:20:44Oh, shit.
00:20:45Oh, shit.
00:20:46Oh, shit.
00:20:47Oh, shit.
00:20:48Oh, shit.
00:20:49Oh, shit.
00:20:50Oh, shit.
00:20:52Oh.
00:20:53Is this supposed to hurt or feel good?
00:20:54Like, what are we...
00:20:55Okay, okay, okay.
00:20:56Shit, uncle.
00:20:57You love me.
00:20:58You said you love me?
00:20:59I can't hear.
00:21:00God damn it, Del.
00:21:01If you really want to please a woman, why don't you please me and fix the fucking AC unit?
00:21:07All right, ma.
00:21:09Show me that move one more time.
00:21:11I'm not going to ask you again, Del.
00:21:15So, you got rid of your competition.
00:21:17Sounds like you impressed him.
00:21:19What happens now?
00:21:20Now, all we can do is wait and hope that my good looks and charm,
00:21:23along with their white guilt and fear of lawsuits, is enough to get me in.
00:21:26All right, come on.
00:21:27One, two.
00:21:30Yo, I can't believe we're giving this guy a bid.
00:21:32Are you guys sure this is it?
00:21:34You know, most freshmen live in the dorms.
00:21:36Told you there was something about this guy.
00:21:38So, it's off campus.
00:21:39Off campus?
00:21:40This is the ghetto, man.
00:21:41Um, technically, we also live in the ghetto.
00:21:44True, but that's the good ghetto.
00:21:45This is, like, the ghetto ghetto.
00:21:47Wow.
00:21:48And I thought you didn't have a problem with black people.
00:21:50Oh, you can't...
00:21:52That's not fair, all right?
00:21:54I'm drawing an economic distinction, not a racial one.
00:21:57Uh, granted, but given the racially charged history of this country,
00:22:00can we really separate the two?
00:22:01If anything, even approaching intellectual...
00:22:03Hey!
00:22:04No!
00:22:05Let's just all agree it's super confusing being a white male in today's society.
00:22:10Okay?
00:22:11Now, hoods up.
00:22:14Oh, yeah.
00:22:18Tampa Alpha Coyote Dog!
00:22:20Tampa Alpha Coyote Dog!
00:22:21Tampa Alpha Coyote Dog!
00:22:23Let's go!
00:22:24Let's go!
00:22:27Watching this movie last night, you know.
00:22:30Made me mad as a motherfucker.
00:22:32Y'all ever seen Armageddon?
00:22:34Mm-hmm.
00:22:36Man, it was crazy.
00:22:39Yo, check this out.
00:22:41What the fuck?
00:22:47Watch this, bitch.
00:22:48Man, where is this?
00:22:49I can't get anything.
00:22:50It's like the internet stops in this neighborhood.
00:22:51Are you sure you wrote it down right?
00:22:52Uh, yeah.
00:22:53The address he gave us was for that gym back there.
00:22:54Yo, I told you he was playing us.
00:22:55No, don't jump to conclusions.
00:22:56Look, let's just ask somebody, okay?
00:22:57Oh, these guys look like they know the lay of the land.
00:22:58I don't think so.
00:22:59I don't think so.
00:23:00I don't think so.
00:23:01I don't think so.
00:23:02I don't think so.
00:23:03I don't think so.
00:23:04I don't think so.
00:23:05I don't think so.
00:23:06I don't think so.
00:23:07I don't think so.
00:23:08I don't think so.
00:23:09I don't think so.
00:23:10I don't think so.
00:23:11No, don't jump to conclusions.
00:23:12Look, let's just ask somebody, okay?
00:23:14Oh, these guys look like they know the lay of the land.
00:23:17Hey.
00:23:18Ah.
00:23:19Ah.
00:23:20Ah.
00:23:21Evening, fellas.
00:23:22Oh, gotta get low.
00:23:24Low rider.
00:23:25Uh, we think we might be a little bit lost here.
00:23:30Yeah, I'd say so.
00:23:32Right?
00:23:33You know, we're wondering if you might be able to help us out, though.
00:23:35I think we might have gotten the wrong address.
00:23:37Looking for a fellow by the name of Chet Buttersworth.
00:23:40African-American gentleman.
00:23:42Not that that means you would necessarily know him, but not that it doesn't, you know?
00:23:46Skin tone is sort of right in between you in the front and you in the back.
00:23:51Although, with the shadows, I can't totally tell.
00:23:54Um, what else?
00:23:55What else?
00:23:56What else?
00:23:57Uh, well, we're here to kidnap him as part of our initiation ritual.
00:24:00Ah.
00:24:01Ah.
00:24:02Ah.
00:24:03Ah.
00:24:04Ah.
00:24:06Get the fuck out the hood, cracker!
00:24:08Hey, hey, hey!
00:24:09Everybody's running, everybody's running!
00:24:13Ha-ha-ha-ha.
00:24:14Ha-ha-ha.
00:24:15Ha-ha.
00:24:16Bam.
00:24:17Okay, here we go.
00:24:18Time to dance.
00:24:19No, I'm working.
00:24:20Stop.
00:24:21The work can wait.
00:24:23It is time to play.
00:24:25Woo!
00:24:26You're gonna get me fired.
00:24:28You're gonna get me fired.
00:24:29I know the owner.
00:24:30You good.
00:24:31Look at you, following him.
00:24:32Play, play, play, play, play, play, play.
00:24:33Quick, quick, quick, quick, and out of the chair she goes,
00:24:37and around, and around she goes.
00:24:40Now, I'm gonna teach you some dance moves.
00:24:42You're not taking me seriously.
00:24:43Now, girl, start with the right.
00:24:45Watch, you're gonna fall in love.
00:24:46Look back there, look back at it.
00:24:48I don't want to.
00:24:48Look back at it.
00:24:49I've never seen this.
00:24:50Is this what they do in the photos?
00:24:51Go ahead, let me see what you got.
00:24:54Yes, look at you.
00:24:56Now, for my closer, this is what I do in places.
00:24:58One, two, three, four, spin, and grab.
00:25:02Hey, come on, now, chop, chop, real smoothly.
00:25:05Oh, he don't know, he about to get wrapped.
00:25:08Let's go.
00:25:09Guys, just watch out,
00:25:10because there's almost certainly a pinball.
00:25:11Who the hell is that?
00:25:12I got a pretty good idea.
00:25:14Wait here, don't get seen, I will be right back.
00:25:17I mean, that's not a house, man.
00:25:18I don't think any of these are houses.
00:25:20I just want to kidnap somebody.
00:25:22Hey, can I help you, gentlemen?
00:25:24Hey, Chad, how are you?
00:25:26What's up, man?
00:25:27I live here.
00:25:30I volunteer here.
00:25:31Um, why are you guys wearing Klan robes?
00:25:34No.
00:25:35No, no.
00:25:35No, see, our heads are rounder,
00:25:37they're not, so I'm going to go a little bit.
00:25:38It's not an eggshell.
00:25:39It's a different shade of what's on the other side.
00:25:42Totally different, and besides, you know,
00:25:45our fraternity actually predates the Klan
00:25:47by over a decade, so the real question is,
00:25:49why are they wearing our robes, you know?
00:25:52Why are they wearing our robes?
00:25:57Yeah, y'all wearing Klan robes.
00:25:59Okay, well, agree to disagree, and shifting gears,
00:26:03congratulations, we're here because
00:26:05Kappa Alpha Chi is officially giving you a bid.
00:26:07We're here to kidnap you for initiation.
00:26:09Woo!
00:26:11But first, quick order of business here.
00:26:14The university requires us to get your signature
00:26:16on this consent form.
00:26:18Basically just says that you're comfortable
00:26:19with us physically abducting you for the initiation.
00:26:23Sign there.
00:26:24Okay, cool.
00:26:25And an initial here for the robe.
00:26:27Great, thank you.
00:26:29And then down here for the simulated kidnapping language.
00:26:32Sure.
00:26:33Which will be harsh.
00:26:34Here we go.
00:26:35Perfect.
00:26:36Let's do this!
00:26:37Here, put this on.
00:26:38Here.
00:26:39Whoa, oh.
00:26:41Where's that?
00:26:41You got it.
00:26:42Give me your arm.
00:26:43Here we go.
00:26:44All right, looks good on you.
00:26:46Red dress!
00:26:48Okay, yeah, let's hood up here.
00:26:50Yeah, boom!
00:26:53We should probably carry you to the car
00:26:55if you're comfortable with that.
00:26:56We'll just lift you up.
00:26:58Yeah, sure, let's do it.
00:26:59Let's go!
00:27:00Go, go, go!
00:27:01Go, go, go!
00:27:02Whoa, whoa, whoa!
00:27:02Support the back, support the back.
00:27:04Oh, oh, oh, oh, you know what?
00:27:05We had a bit of a thing out front.
00:27:08Is there a back entrance by any chance?
00:27:10Yeah, right back there.
00:27:11Perfect, great, thanks.
00:27:12Let's go, motherfucker!
00:27:14I'll fucking get you!
00:27:15Whoa!
00:27:16Don't be afraid, it's just language.
00:27:18Get down, motherfucker!
00:27:20Shit!
00:27:20I got it, I got it.
00:27:21Oh, I got it, I got it.
00:27:22You got it.
00:27:23All right.
00:27:24Well, well, well.
00:27:28Sorry, sorry.
00:27:29Here you go, there you go.
00:27:33Take that shit off.
00:27:42I got this.
00:27:45Hey, we all cool, man.
00:27:47We ain't trying to cause no ruckus, you feel me, dawgs?
00:27:52I ain't feeling shit, dawg.
00:27:54Fuck is you?
00:27:56I'm Barack.
00:27:58Barack?
00:28:01Like Barack Obama?
00:28:03Exactly.
00:28:03Except my man spells it a little differently.
00:28:08Spells it differently how?
00:28:12B-R-O-C-K.
00:28:14Man, ain't no damn Barack.
00:28:16That's Brock, the whitest fucking name in the universe.
00:28:23Grand Dragon there got a hand problem?
00:28:26Oh, shit.
00:28:26Okay.
00:28:27Is that pillowcase worth your life, fuck?
00:28:30Let me just take it off.
00:28:31Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:28:32Just wipe it off.
00:28:33Yeah.
00:28:34Yeah.
00:28:35Ah!
00:28:37Del.
00:28:39Del.
00:28:39It's a neighborhood nickname.
00:28:41Brothersworth Del Barrio, they call me Del for short.
00:28:44Subtract, Redbone Willis was popping.
00:28:46The hell is you doing, man?
00:28:47It's not what it looks like.
00:28:49Looks like you got yourself caught up
00:28:51in some racist fraternity bullshit.
00:28:52Oh, okay.
00:28:53Well, then it is exactly what it looks like.
00:28:56But let's just chill with the burners and stuff, man.
00:28:58No need to get mad.
00:28:59Just trying to do a little thing
00:29:00with my white friends here.
00:29:01Don't take offense to it.
00:29:02The closest they ever been to a black man
00:29:04is retweeting Kanye, so.
00:29:05Yeah, that's us.
00:29:06That's us.
00:29:07Del.
00:29:09Okay, Eddie.
00:29:15How can I say no to Dre, son?
00:29:18All right.
00:29:18But you boys best be on the lookout.
00:29:21All right.
00:29:22But you boys best be on your way
00:29:23before you run into somebody a little
00:29:27less understanding than me.
00:29:30Yeah, okay.
00:29:31It was super nice meeting you guys.
00:29:33Yeah, and sorry for assuming about the wallets.
00:29:36No offense.
00:29:37Oh, no.
00:29:39We're still gonna need those wallets.
00:29:44Listen up, scumbags.
00:29:46We about to see who has what it takes
00:29:49to become a Kappa Alpha Chi brother.
00:29:52Whatever you think is about to happen,
00:29:54I promise you, it's worse.
00:29:57As your pledge master, I'ma...
00:30:00Eyes down.
00:30:01No eye contact.
00:30:02Look at me.
00:30:03Look at him.
00:30:04Look at me.
00:30:05Look down.
00:30:06Never look at me.
00:30:06You're not on my level.
00:30:09I'ma make sure you weak little fledglings
00:30:12run through that gauntlet.
00:30:15So you're properly prepared.
00:30:19For a lifelong brotherhood built on booze,
00:30:23that pussy,
00:30:25and a general kickass attack!
00:30:28Yeah!
00:30:29Yeah!
00:30:29Yeah!
00:30:30Yeah!
00:30:31Yeah!
00:30:34First thing you slaves are gonna do is...
00:30:36Trigger warning.
00:30:40Sidebar.
00:30:44Man, what the fuck?
00:30:45I was...
00:30:46I was...
00:30:46I was...
00:30:47What the fuck?
00:30:48I was...
00:30:49Hey!
00:30:50I'm not sure we should call the pledge as slaves this year.
00:30:54But we always call them slaves.
00:30:55I know, but...
00:30:58Don't you think this year feels a little different?
00:31:02Yeah, you guys talking about the slave thing?
00:31:04Yeah.
00:31:05I've always felt a teensy bit uncomfortable about that.
00:31:08Yo, the word slave doesn't necessarily have to refer
00:31:10to like Civil War era black slaves.
00:31:13In fact, it's actually derived from the white Slavic people
00:31:15who were taken as slaves in the ninth century.
00:31:17But that doesn't change the fact that in this day and age,
00:31:19the word slave is a racially charged term
00:31:22that harkens back to a truly disgraceful period
00:31:25in this nation's history.
00:31:26True.
00:31:28Isn't it more racist to change our tradition
00:31:30simply because we got a black pledge?
00:31:32Look, I'm so glad we're finally having this discussion.
00:31:37Can we talk to him?
00:31:38I'll talk to him.
00:31:39We can go talk to him.
00:31:44Hey man, how's it going?
00:31:45So far so good, thank you.
00:31:47Listen, I just wanted to check in with you.
00:31:50Some of the guys seem to be pretty set on
00:31:52when referring to the pledges as slaves.
00:31:55And I just sort of wanted to get your take on that as a,
00:31:59well, I just wanted to get your take,
00:32:02keeping in mind that when we use the term,
00:32:03we in no way mean, you know, 19th century cotton picking
00:32:07slaves, just sort of a vague term of subservience.
00:32:11Yeah, listen, I understand that I'm a pledge
00:32:14and there's certain things that come along with that,
00:32:15but there's going to be a problem
00:32:17if you guys are calling me slave.
00:32:19Say no more.
00:32:20Nope.
00:32:24Okay then.
00:32:28First thing you pledges are going to do is
00:32:35get down on your hands and knees
00:32:41and clean the house with toothbrushes.
00:32:46Yeah, look at the cover.
00:32:48Amazing.
00:32:49This whole time I'm thinking it's going to be a lot worse,
00:32:51like shaving each other's balls,
00:32:53or like you guys branding us with irons
00:32:55or making us off with hot sauce.
00:32:57But cleaning the house with a toothbrush,
00:32:59I'll do that, no problem.
00:33:01No problem, huh?
00:33:02All right.
00:33:04This your toothbrush.
00:33:06Okay.
00:33:07What do you think is going to happen?
00:33:09Oh, hey, little princess.
00:33:11Want to see the cave of treasures?
00:33:13Oh.
00:33:15Oh!
00:33:15It's down there.
00:33:17Oh.
00:33:18That tickles a little bit.
00:33:19What is wrong?
00:33:20Oh, it's got the tongue scraper.
00:33:22Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
00:33:25Oh, that's yours now.
00:33:26Mm-mm.
00:33:27Mm-mm, mm-mm.
00:33:28Yeah, let's clean your mustache.
00:33:29Come on now.
00:33:30We're going to clean with it, pledge.
00:33:30I'm not going to...
00:33:31Come on, get it.
00:33:32You're going to take it.
00:33:34You smell that?
00:33:35Oh, God.
00:33:36Smell your own shit.
00:33:37Guys, any of y'all want me to clean the house with this?
00:33:39No.
00:33:40Absolutely not.
00:33:44And if you want my bread, then I'll give you the toast.
00:33:47Stayed by the Jags while the Jags eat toast.
00:33:50That's a hooker plan,
00:33:51because it's the only way to fall apart.
00:33:53I got to keep my enemies close.
00:33:55Pledge Buttersworth.
00:33:58Yo, Buttersworth.
00:34:00Yo, what's up, bro?
00:34:01What's up, man?
00:34:02Come with me.
00:34:03I got a special assignment for you.
00:34:05Okay.
00:34:06After you.
00:34:08Okay.
00:34:10Now, most times this area is for brothers only.
00:34:14It's off limits to lowly pledgers such as yourself
00:34:17without a proper escort.
00:34:20What is that smell?
00:34:22That smell could be a number of things.
00:34:26Take it in.
00:34:28Definitely that.
00:34:33What is that?
00:34:36Brother Snyder was one of the best of us.
00:34:38House president, majoring in international relations.
00:34:422.8 grade point average.
00:34:44Captain of the swim team.
00:34:45He died in this thing?
00:34:47Yeah, he drowned.
00:34:48Mm-hmm.
00:34:49As the legend goes,
00:34:50brother Snyder was found in a fetid pool
00:34:54of hot tub water, jello shots, and a lot of vomit.
00:34:57Oh, smells like you haven't changed it since.
00:35:00Of course we haven't.
00:35:02That would disgrace our fallen brother.
00:35:04Of course.
00:35:05Hey, look, Buttersworth.
00:35:07I tried to give you a dirty toothbrush before
00:35:09and I'm sorry about that, okay?
00:35:10That wasn't cool of me.
00:35:11Wasn't?
00:35:13So I got you a fresh one.
00:35:15My man.
00:35:17Uh-oh.
00:35:18I'm so clumsy.
00:35:19Go ahead and get that for me, Platt.
00:35:23You, you, you're evil.
00:35:25Oh, shit.
00:35:26Ah, son of a bitch.
00:35:27Look, Buttersworth.
00:35:29Settle down, man.
00:35:30Just get the toothbrush and clean it.
00:35:35Dig deep.
00:35:37Ah!
00:35:39Ah!
00:35:41Ah, son of a bitch!
00:35:44Ah!
00:35:49You want me to start from the bottom?
00:35:51Just start cleaning.
00:35:54You were so close to the money.
00:35:56Yo, he didn't leave.
00:35:58He was watching the whole time.
00:36:00So what else they have you do?
00:36:01Oh, did you have to do the elephant walk?
00:36:03What's an elephant walk?
00:36:04It's basically when you put one thumb
00:36:05in the guy's asshole in front of you
00:36:07and then you got the other thumb in your mouth.
00:36:09And when they all switch, you switch.
00:36:11So basically, you eating the assicle?
00:36:13It's an urban legend.
00:36:15Man, I ain't eating no assicle.
00:36:17I'm done with this, man.
00:36:18I'm out.
00:36:19You can't put up with it a little longer?
00:36:21It's a lot of money.
00:36:22And if my vote count for anything,
00:36:24I say we stay on this particular project.
00:36:26We?
00:36:27Juice, ain't no we, bruh.
00:36:29It's been me.
00:36:30Me in the frat house, me digging through some puke,
00:36:32trying to find a fucking toothbrush.
00:36:33And what, you saying the elephant walk next?
00:36:35I ain't doing that, bruh.
00:36:36We make one wrong move, they call the cops who go to jail.
00:36:38You? Alicia?
00:36:39No, it's me.
00:36:41Me in the cell next to my dad.
00:36:42Family reunion in Folsom.
00:36:44I ain't no criminal like my father.
00:36:46I've been doing this, ain't no progress.
00:36:48Let's face it, man.
00:36:49We not getting nothing out that house.
00:36:51Did I just hear the son of Andre Goodloe decide to give up?
00:36:56Oh, shit.
00:36:58Uncle Leon.
00:37:00I know that's not how my brother raised you.
00:37:02I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to be out of jail
00:37:03for at least one, 200 years.
00:37:06I decided it was time to make some lifestyle changes.
00:37:10You broke out of prison?
00:37:14Leon Goodloe?
00:37:15Am I seeing a ghost?
00:37:17Or is that just wishful thinking?
00:37:18Is that my best girl, Roberta?
00:37:21I ain't a girl and I ain't chores.
00:37:22The fuck are you doing here, Leon?
00:37:25Maybe I'm here to finally charm your ass
00:37:28into doing what we should have done a long time ago.
00:37:31I'll remind you that I'm a good Christian married woman.
00:37:34Not like Dre's turning down Dick in prison.
00:37:36Why should you?
00:37:37What?
00:37:38I'm gonna give you a moment to think long and hard
00:37:40before you say any other nasty shit.
00:37:42You don't want me to call the police on your fugitive ass.
00:37:44Oh, you would do that?
00:37:45Oh, I would.
00:37:46Well, what you gonna tell him about what your boys got into?
00:37:51What you been up to, Del?
00:37:53Nothing.
00:37:54You just gonna believe him just like that?
00:37:56Give me a reason not to.
00:37:57He's a liar.
00:37:58He's a felon.
00:38:00You know what, Mom, don't even worry about that.
00:38:01You got so much on your plate, I'm gonna handle this.
00:38:03And especially because I'm the man of the house now,
00:38:05it's about-
00:38:06Since when?
00:38:07I'm really-
00:38:07Just shut up.
00:38:09Listen, Mom, I'm sorry.
00:38:10Just please, please, please, I'm begging.
00:38:11Just let me handle this.
00:38:14All right.
00:38:16I'll let you handle it.
00:38:18But if I find out you've been doing anything
00:38:19to bring shame on my household, Del,
00:38:22you will no longer be a part of that household.
00:38:25You got me?
00:38:27Yes, ma'am.
00:38:28Out on your ass.
00:38:30Can I?
00:38:31Shut your mouth, Juice.
00:38:34Leon.
00:38:36Roberta.
00:38:41So, y'all got my money yet?
00:38:44Money?
00:38:45What?
00:38:46You got money?
00:38:47Money.
00:38:48Money.
00:38:49I know I'm broke, so yeah, I got-
00:38:51You got chains?
00:38:52You got chapstick.
00:38:53You could use some.
00:38:54You want some?
00:38:55The bottom lip a little ashy.
00:38:56It's all right.
00:38:57Yeah, okay, okay, I get it.
00:38:59See, you hang with stupid,
00:39:01so you assume everybody's stupid, but not me.
00:39:05See, after I attained my freedom,
00:39:08I drove by the old place
00:39:09where me and your father stashed our money.
00:39:12And guess what?
00:39:14They turned that shit into a mother-
00:39:16F-
00:39:17fraternity.
00:39:19Really?
00:39:19Yeah.
00:39:20Wow.
00:39:21Now, that was a surprise,
00:39:22but you know what was a shock?
00:39:24When I saw my ghetto-ass nephew
00:39:28walking out of that fraternity
00:39:29like he fucking belonged there.
00:39:33Me?
00:39:34Oh, yeah, oh, yeah.
00:39:35It slipped my mind.
00:39:36I had went back to go to school,
00:39:37and the guys was cool,
00:39:38but there's money in the basement?
00:39:40I didn't know there was money there.
00:39:42Okay, let me get this straight, okay?
00:39:46Let's make it clear.
00:39:48You got all studied up on your SATs and shit.
00:39:52Yeah, I did get an 800 on my SATs.
00:39:53It's out of 1600, mother-
00:39:55Mother-
00:39:56I'm gonna take the second half later.
00:39:59Then, magically, you came up with the money
00:40:02to attend one of the most expensive-ass schools
00:40:04in the country,
00:40:06and then, on a whim, joined a fraternity
00:40:09that just so happened to be at the same address
00:40:12as the place where we stashed our money from the bank job?
00:40:16Is that right?
00:40:18You know what?
00:40:20This is the problem.
00:40:21This is exactly why a young black man
00:40:23can achieve greatness in this country,
00:40:25because of the doubters, the haters.
00:40:27This is the first good Lord to go to college.
00:40:29You can't be happy for your nephew for just one minute.
00:40:33Okay, but you gotta admit,
00:40:36that's a crazy coincidence, ain't it?
00:40:38It's kind of crazy.
00:40:39No, it's crazy.
00:40:40It's crazy.
00:40:41It's crazy.
00:40:42It's crazy.
00:40:42Where's my money, Daryl?
00:40:43Shit, okay, okay.
00:40:45Uncle Leon, just chill.
00:40:46Look, if you gonna blast me, then blast me,
00:40:47but that don't change the fact
00:40:48that I still don't got the money, okay?
00:40:51Oh, okay.
00:40:52Oh, shit.
00:40:53Okay.
00:40:54Okay.
00:40:57Nope.
00:40:59I mean, she do be liking my pictures
00:41:02on Instagram late at night, so.
00:41:05You ever see somebody get their face blown apart, Daryl?
00:41:08I have.
00:41:09Now ask yourself, do you want this to be the last memory
00:41:14of this girl right here?
00:41:15Because that shit sticks with you.
00:41:18Believe.
00:41:21All right, look, I've been trying to get the money,
00:41:24all right, but it hasn't been easy.
00:41:25I'm pledging this house.
00:41:26But these guys, they're intense,
00:41:27you know what I'm saying?
00:41:28It's like they never go to sleep,
00:41:29but I'm close, I'm real close.
00:41:30Just give me a few more days and I'll have your money.
00:41:33I just need more time, all right?
00:41:36All right.
00:41:38I'll give you two days to do your thing.
00:41:39Two days and two nights or just a flat?
00:41:40Two days!
00:41:41All right.
00:41:42If you don't get it, I'm gonna go in there my damn self.
00:41:46Maybe your way, those Kappa Gamma bitches
00:41:49won't get they dick shot off.
00:41:51Oh, mm-hmm.
00:41:53Now, I'm gonna go in here with your sexy ass mama
00:41:57and see if she can make me some of her world famous
00:42:00sassy eggs.
00:42:02Come on, man.
00:42:11What, Juice?
00:42:12Does this affect my 5%?
00:42:15Mm-hmm.
00:42:18Ah-ha.
00:42:25Ah!
00:42:26Ah-ha!
00:42:26Ah!
00:42:27Ah!
00:42:28Hey, hey, hey!
00:42:30My baby brought me a beer.
00:42:32That's a good baby.
00:42:33This is my baby boy!
00:42:34He looks like me a little bit, right?
00:42:35I see that.
00:42:36Suck it.
00:42:37Suck it!
00:42:38Look at him!
00:42:39Go, go, go.
00:42:43OK, so my thing is I can always tell them
00:42:46they don't use real dinosaurs in movies.
00:42:48That's a cute little baby.
00:42:50That's it, that's it, it's done.
00:43:04Hey, Buttersworth.
00:43:04Oh, shh.
00:43:06What are you doing in here, man?
00:43:07You should be out there with the other babies.
00:43:09Yeah, I just wanna use the bathroom real quick.
00:43:11Just real quick.
00:43:12What do you think that diaper's for?
00:43:15No, I'm just playing.
00:43:18No, but there's no bathroom in there, man.
00:43:21That's the basement.
00:43:22There's no need to go in there.
00:43:26Listen, man, sometimes I just need a place to think,
00:43:28like clear my thoughts,
00:43:29and I just thought down there would be best.
00:43:33I get it, man.
00:43:34I know this hazing stuff, it's exhausting.
00:43:37Yeah, it's so exhausting.
00:43:38The grading.
00:43:39You got me in a diaper.
00:43:40No, it's silly, man.
00:43:42But once you make it through this,
00:43:45we're brothers, family.
00:43:48Tell each other secrets, watch each other's backs.
00:43:53So you gonna join this family?
00:43:56Yeah, man, I'm gonna do it.
00:43:58Okay.
00:44:00We're gonna have to hit this basement.
00:44:01Man, what are you talking about?
00:44:02Get out there with the babies.
00:44:03Come on, man.
00:44:04Do the baby walk, though.
00:44:06Do that, do that.
00:44:07Baby walk, there it go.
00:44:09Hey, hit it, what, yeah.
00:44:11Glad we had this talk, man.
00:44:12Straight talk.
00:44:14Listen up, babies.
00:44:16You may think pledging is all diapers,
00:44:19binkies, and verbal abuse,
00:44:22but it's also about giving back to the community.
00:44:25So our Red Hot Bros and Filthy Rich Females
00:44:28charity gala's coming up,
00:44:30and you dirtbags, along with our beautiful selves,
00:44:33are gonna be auctioned off to the highest bidders
00:44:36from our sister sorority.
00:44:38Trigger warning.
00:44:39Whoa, whoa, whoa, T.W., T.W.,
00:44:41what's that, Pledge Buttersworth?
00:44:42I'm sorry, I just thought I heard him say
00:44:43that you guys were gonna auction us off.
00:44:46Well, yeah, in order to raise money for local charities,
00:44:49you'll be auctioned off.
00:44:50Oh, I hear it now.
00:44:51Oh, shit, not again.
00:44:52Come on, man.
00:44:54You can't be serious.
00:44:55Oh, I'm sorry, Barack,
00:44:56if you and I have a slightly different reaction
00:44:57to the idea of us being auctioned off
00:44:59to rich white people outside of a plantation house.
00:45:03Okay, let's brodal.
00:45:04Hey, brodal.
00:45:07Okay.
00:45:09No way he's getting out of this.
00:45:14Hey, look, I knew a black guy growing up,
00:45:16and he was not like this, man.
00:45:17You could say anything you wanted to him.
00:45:19Yeah, even let me touch his hair.
00:45:23Okay.
00:45:25Buttersworth.
00:45:26Yeah.
00:45:27You don't have to be auctioned off.
00:45:28We're gonna make you the auctioneer.
00:45:29It'll be empowering.
00:45:31Yeah, yeah, I guess that works.
00:45:33It's an affirmative option.
00:45:37I am a master.
00:45:38I play white guilt like Michael Jordan plays basketball.
00:45:40I'm talking like Stevie Wonder plays the piano.
00:45:43Okay, so you're the auctioneer.
00:45:46So what?
00:45:47So, since I'm in charge of the proceedings.
00:45:50Yeah, don't mess this up, pledge.
00:45:52I can keep me busy
00:45:53while you guys go look for the money.
00:45:55Now, my great, great, great, great granddaddy
00:45:57would love to hear me say,
00:45:58My great, great, great, great granddaddy
00:46:00would love to hear me say this.
00:46:02Get your bill folks out
00:46:03because we buying white people today.
00:46:04Yeah!
00:46:07But first, gonna need to figure out a way
00:46:09to get you into the party.
00:46:12How about having tits and a pulse?
00:46:16That'll work.
00:46:18Once everyone's outside,
00:46:20juice are gonna slip into the basement
00:46:22and make you move.
00:46:23The longer I can keep the auction going,
00:46:25the more time it buys us to look for the money.
00:46:30Juice, I'll make sure the tools
00:46:31are down there waiting for you.
00:46:34Oh, oh!
00:46:36Oh yeah, oh, oh yeah.
00:46:38I think that's your spot right there.
00:46:39Brother Clark here is actually an amazing impressionist.
00:46:43No.
00:46:44Yes, got some impressions for us, don't you?
00:46:46I do not.
00:46:50Woo, you a little tight.
00:46:52Okay, you kind of like my ex.
00:46:54It's kind of hard to find your spot,
00:46:56but I'm gonna find you.
00:46:57Why don't you try someone that everybody knows,
00:46:58like Denzel Washington?
00:47:00You know, you put your shoulders up
00:47:01and you're okay, all right, huh?
00:47:03What are we at an auction?
00:47:04What are we gonna buy white people?
00:47:05That's what you're telling me?
00:47:06You're telling me you're gonna buy white people?
00:47:07What type of white people are we gonna buy, huh?
00:47:10I don't think I should do that.
00:47:14And now let's get Brother Ben to the stage,
00:47:16ladies and gentlemen.
00:47:17Ben!
00:47:20Come on, bro.
00:47:21That's not cool.
00:47:21What are you talking about, man?
00:47:23John Dicks is always funny.
00:47:26You ladies know our resident sexpert, Brother Eddie?
00:47:28I got these pigeons here.
00:47:30Nah, nah, nah.
00:47:31We put these pigeons together and we make them kip.
00:47:34Yeah, no, definitely not that one.
00:47:36You know any comedians?
00:47:37Bill Cosby.
00:47:38Do you know Bill Cosby?
00:47:39I could maybe try that.
00:47:41Perfect.
00:47:42Ladies and gentlemen, Bill Cosby.
00:47:47You see, when she eats the pudding,
00:47:51you put the quaaludes in the pudding
00:47:54and then she eats the pudding
00:47:55and she gets sleepy with the pudding
00:47:57and then you climb on top of her
00:48:00and you put in your black penis.
00:48:01No, no, no, no, you don't.
00:48:03Guys, Clark, anybody want to do it on Clark?
00:48:06Okay, gang.
00:48:06Two, three, now.
00:48:09Two flick hands, uh-huh, yeah.
00:48:11Get ready to go to the stage.
00:48:13Okay, okay.
00:48:14Ah!
00:48:15Ow!
00:48:16Oh!
00:48:16Oh!
00:48:17These white boys got rats.
00:48:19I'm keeping them as pets.
00:48:21Get ready to go.
00:48:21Get ready to go.
00:48:25And now a man who used a Macklemore lyric
00:48:27as his yearbook quote.
00:48:29Brother Barack with a freestyle.
00:48:31Okay, okay, all right, all right, okay.
00:48:41♪ Barack in the building and I'm feeling fly ♪
00:48:44♪ Tux like James Bond, got that golden eye ♪
00:48:47♪ Bars on bars like the candy shop ♪
00:48:50♪ I bid on these girls, I'll make your panties drop ♪
00:48:53♪ Okay, once you go Barack, you might never go back ♪
00:48:56♪ Make your body numb like a heart attack ♪
00:48:59♪ Okay, here's your chance, so pull the trigger ♪
00:49:02♪ Put it down on you, cause I'm a dope ass ♪
00:49:09The fuck am I supposed to say today?
00:49:12Wait, did you forget about me?
00:49:15Why am I there?
00:49:17You're gonna bid on Barack.
00:49:18Look, he's been on me since I got there.
00:49:20I just need you to keep him out the basement.
00:49:22I'm not fucking him.
00:49:23What?
00:49:24No, no, no.
00:49:25No.
00:49:26Never, don't do that, ever.
00:49:27You want me to fuck him?
00:49:28Huh?
00:49:29What?
00:49:30That's a million dollars.
00:49:31Yeah, but you are only making 50K.
00:49:33For 50 Gs, my list of not dudes is pretty short.
00:49:36Okay, walk it back a step.
00:49:38You want me to win him in the auction, right?
00:49:41What am I winning him with?
00:49:43We're broke.
00:49:4436, 38, oh, I got a scratcher, wait a minute.
00:49:48Yeah.
00:49:53We got 38.
00:49:54$42 and 68 cents.
00:49:58How is that gonna be enough?
00:50:00I'll make it be enough.
00:50:02$20.
00:50:0525.
00:50:08$25.
00:50:09$30.
00:50:1135.
00:50:12$35.
00:50:1540.
00:50:1640.
00:50:1842.
00:50:22$50.
00:50:26$42, one once.
00:50:29I just said 50.
00:50:30$42, going twice.
00:50:3250.
00:50:33Slow to the woman in the red dress.
00:50:35Are you deaf, asshole?
00:50:37This is not how auctions work, dumbass.
00:50:43Nice work, Buttersworth.
00:50:46Hey, good, I'll get him.
00:50:47♪ Hey, yo, they feelin' what I'm spittin', man, it's crazy ♪
00:50:50♪ Sweeter than an M&M, minus all the shades ♪
00:50:52♪ Stoper than a Rostock, yo, what's gonna cost ya? ♪
00:50:55Oh.
00:50:58I haven't seen you around before.
00:51:00Yo, we should talk.
00:51:02It's a nice night.
00:51:05Wanna go for a walk?
00:51:07Nah, I got something special for you.
00:51:10Follow me.
00:51:11♪ And I'm back at it, go ahead and put some stank on me ♪
00:51:13Oh yeah, I'ma tear this money down, uh-huh.
00:51:17Yeah, yeah.
00:51:19Oh, found you.
00:51:24Oh yeah, I found the money, I found the money.
00:51:29So I have one of my clueless pledges.
00:51:31Clean this place with a toothbrush.
00:51:35You know, actually, let's just go for a drink
00:51:36at the bar out back.
00:51:37Hey, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:51:38Let's get out of here.
00:51:39The thing is, I got us all covered.
00:51:41Yeah, come on.
00:51:42Okay, okay, I'm coming.
00:51:44I got us covered down here.
00:51:46You bet on me, right?
00:51:48That's right.
00:51:51Voila.
00:51:53I whipped up this little surprise just for the occasion.
00:51:57Wow, you did all of this?
00:52:01That's impressive.
00:52:03Yeah.
00:52:04Okay, let's get out of here.
00:52:05I'm just feeling claustrophobic.
00:52:06Whoa, there's no need to be so anxious.
00:52:09Okay, you wanna talk?
00:52:11Let's talk.
00:52:13Let's talk.
00:52:20Let's get to know each other better.
00:52:24What are you looking at?
00:52:25You.
00:52:26You coulda.
00:52:27Yeah, I'm looking at you.
00:52:28Oh, this is dope.
00:52:32So, uh, feel like maybe a lap dance?
00:52:35Sure.
00:52:37Oh, yeah.
00:52:40Go ahead.
00:52:43No, I meant you give me one.
00:52:45A man giving a woman a lap dance.
00:52:49It's an instant panty dropper.
00:52:54What?
00:52:55Oh, yeah.
00:52:56Okay.
00:52:58Oh, you can handle it.
00:53:01Yeah.
00:53:01Okay.
00:53:02All right.
00:53:03You on some feminism shit.
00:53:05Got the empowered woman.
00:53:07I'm gonna bring it, girl.
00:53:08Okay.
00:53:10Here we go.
00:53:13Yeah.
00:53:13It's already getting so sexy.
00:53:16So good.
00:53:18Feeling it.
00:53:19Yeah, you like that?
00:53:20Getting super wet over it.
00:53:22Yeah.
00:53:22Tell me what you want, baby.
00:53:24Just keep looking at me.
00:53:25Oh my God.
00:53:28Okay.
00:53:28Love it.
00:53:29Yeah, take something off.
00:53:31Shit, you all right?
00:53:33See that belly button?
00:53:33Shit, again?
00:53:34Oh.
00:53:35Yeah.
00:53:36Oh my God, I love it.
00:53:37Yeah, it's an in the outie.
00:53:38It's like in, but it's out.
00:53:39Woo!
00:53:40Oh, that'll be gold.
00:53:42Ignore it's me.
00:53:43Yeah.
00:53:44Oh my God.
00:53:45Oh!
00:53:46Oh my God, it's so dangerous.
00:53:48Ha ha.
00:53:49Yeah.
00:53:50It's like Justin Bieber and Austin Powers
00:53:52had a baby and it's you.
00:53:53Oh, that's my belly button.
00:53:54Oh my God.
00:53:55Yeah.
00:53:56Get it off!
00:53:57And there are your pants coming off.
00:54:00Oh my God.
00:54:00All right.
00:54:01Oh my God, it's so hot.
00:54:03Yeah.
00:54:04Oh, good.
00:54:04What is that?
00:54:05Is that a dab?
00:54:06That's called a dab.
00:54:07That's so good.
00:54:08A little dab, it'll fix you.
00:54:09No!
00:54:10Oh, shit, ow, girl.
00:54:12Yeah, fixed it.
00:54:14Ass up.
00:54:16That's the way we like to fuck.
00:54:17You filthy, girl.
00:54:18I love it.
00:54:19Yeah?
00:54:20Yeah, all right.
00:54:21Man, you know, this is like a new experience for me.
00:54:24I feel both degraded and empowered.
00:54:28Is that what it's like to be a woman?
00:54:30You still there, baby?
00:54:31Oh!
00:54:33Yeah, I'm a bad boy.
00:54:34I think I need to be spanked.
00:54:37Spanked?
00:54:38Woo-hoo-hoo!
00:54:39Yeah?
00:54:40Go on.
00:54:41I've been a bad boy.
00:54:43Punish me, girl.
00:54:44I'm so bad.
00:54:46Put some on it, girl.
00:54:47I'm ready.
00:54:49Oh!
00:54:51Fuck!
00:54:51Shit, that stinks!
00:54:53You're insane, girl!
00:54:55I'm sorry.
00:54:59I'm in charge here.
00:55:01Shit.
00:55:02I really can't trust you.
00:55:03I'm gonna have to tie you up.
00:55:05Yeah.
00:55:06Keep facing the wall, bitch.
00:55:07Yeah, you're tighter, baby.
00:55:08Oh!
00:55:09Time for the blindfold.
00:55:11Oh, oh yeah.
00:55:15Mm-hmm.
00:55:16Yeah.
00:55:17Like that?
00:55:17Yes, ma'am.
00:55:18Damn.
00:55:26Oh, yeah.
00:55:28Hey, it's kind of wet.
00:55:30Yeah?
00:55:32Yeah.
00:55:35How do you think it got that way?
00:55:38Okay.
00:55:41You pungent as you is beautiful, okay?
00:55:44But now it's my turn, all right?
00:55:46Hey, okay, yeah.
00:55:48Yeah.
00:55:49I'm in charge now.
00:55:51Look, I know you're not used to this,
00:55:52but I'm a brother who's not afraid to go down on a girl.
00:55:58Yeah?
00:55:59So you just go ahead and you hike that skirt up
00:56:02and get ready for some heaven, okay?
00:56:04Mm-hmm.
00:56:05Let's go.
00:56:06Woo!
00:56:07You excited?
00:56:08Okay, girl, I get it.
00:56:09Oh.
00:56:10So excited.
00:56:19Oh, damn, you like got it all 70s and shit.
00:56:22Yeah.
00:56:23I can dig a natural.
00:56:25Hey, what's up, everybody?
00:56:26Hey, we got the money.
00:56:27No, no, no.
00:56:29Hey, no Snapchat, no Instagram, no nothing, man.
00:56:31How's your phone even working?
00:56:33Y'all ain't got a little moose phone booth?
00:56:34This shit waterproof.
00:56:35All right, man, stop with the pictures.
00:56:36Open that shit up.
00:56:38Let's see what we got.
00:56:39Yes.
00:56:39Get it, baby.
00:56:40Woo!
00:56:44How does it smell?
00:56:44How does it feel?
00:56:46Okay.
00:56:48We got a blockbuster DVD of Encino, man.
00:56:51You say what?
00:56:52Yep, take a look.
00:56:54All right.
00:56:55Oh, we got a mixtape.
00:56:57The big booty grind mix.
00:56:59Big booty grind?
00:57:00Yeah.
00:57:01What the fuck is that?
00:57:02We got a Zima.
00:57:02No, the money.
00:57:03Look it.
00:57:04Okay, oh, it's a note.
00:57:05What?
00:57:06Dear Kappa Alpha Chi, brothers of the future,
00:57:08we are burying this time capsule
00:57:09in the wall of our house
00:57:10in hopes that you will one day uncover it
00:57:12and see how your ancestors partied.
00:57:14What is the future like?
00:57:16Are there blowjob robots?
00:57:18The fucking time capsule?
00:57:19What's a time capsule?
00:57:20No money?
00:57:22Everybody gonna get they dick shot off.
00:57:25I do love Encino, man, though.
00:57:27Yo, yo, Dale.
00:57:28Fuck!
00:57:29What is it?
00:57:30Fuck!
00:57:30Fuck!
00:57:31Man, this is your car!
00:57:33Hey, give me that thing!
00:57:35Fuck this shit!
00:57:37We tried, it's over.
00:57:39Maybe it's not, man.
00:57:40If we got in the basement once,
00:57:41we can get in there again.
00:57:42How?
00:57:43We barely got in there tonight.
00:57:46Uncle Leo's gonna track us down and it's over.
00:57:48What don't y'all get?
00:57:51I'm done with this shit, for real this time.
00:57:54Wow.
00:57:56Dale Goodloe not following through on something.
00:57:58I can't believe it.
00:58:01And what's that supposed to mean?
00:58:03You've never seen anything through in your whole life.
00:58:07But then your dad told you about the money
00:58:09and I saw a side of you I've never seen before.
00:58:13We're taking charge,
00:58:16coming up with plans,
00:58:18trying to do right by your mom,
00:58:19charming your way into a rich frat house.
00:58:21I mean, for a second there,
00:58:24I was actually impressed by you.
00:58:27You know, I thought you were doing this
00:58:30to save those friends of yours from Leon,
00:58:33but if you're giving up, then I guess not.
00:58:37I mean, what do you care, right?
00:58:42At least you got your sneakers and weave.
00:58:48You think I don't care?
00:58:50I got more at stake in this than both of y'all.
00:58:53What am I supposed to do, huh?
00:58:55Go in there with the bat over Uncle Leon's skull?
00:58:57What's that gonna get me?
00:58:58A broken bat, most likely.
00:59:00He's pretty solid.
00:59:02Look, Alicia, I'm not backing down.
00:59:04I just don't know how to go forward either.
00:59:17There they are.
00:59:18Oh, I hope you don't mind.
00:59:21I got in a few reps while I was waiting.
00:59:24So, what's it gonna be?
00:59:27Money bags or body bags?
00:59:29Well, definitely not the body bags,
00:59:32but we ran into some problems,
00:59:35long story, you don't wanna hear the story,
00:59:36but we don't have the money right now, so.
00:59:40No, no, no, don't reach back there.
00:59:42You don't need the gun.
00:59:43That is disappointing.
00:59:45Look, like I said before,
00:59:46we try to get the money and we fail.
00:59:48You can't win them all, am I right?
00:59:49Relatable?
00:59:51You know how many times in my life I said I'd try?
00:59:54Say like maybe 10, 10, 15?
00:59:56Never!
00:59:57Are you crazy?
00:59:58I got a mind to teach your ass a lesson.
01:00:02No lesson, let's just teach me a lesson.
01:00:04Don't touch my gun, don't ever touch my gun.
01:00:07Okay, not touching the gun,
01:00:08just touching your finger.
01:00:09Touching the gun's like touching a man's dick.
01:00:12Don't touch my gun.
01:00:13He said it's his dick, don't touch it.
01:00:14I'm not touching the gun, I'm just telling you,
01:00:15just don't touch the gun.
01:00:18Oh, he shot him!
01:00:19I told you don't touch the gun, man!
01:00:21Shot me in the toe?
01:00:22Look, you kill us, you're not gonna get no money, all right?
01:00:25So let me go back to the house and let me get the money.
01:00:2824 hours, that's all I need, 24 hours.
01:00:30That's okay.
01:00:31How do I know you ain't gonna just fuck up?
01:00:33Ah, that's all my sandal gang.
01:00:36Do I look like I'm gonna fuck up?
01:00:40Ah, man, he ain't gonna fuck up.
01:00:42He ain't gonna fuck up.
01:00:44You know what?
01:00:46I believe you.
01:00:47Oh, okay.
01:00:48I believe you.
01:00:49Okay, woo!
01:00:50You know what?
01:00:51For the first time,
01:00:52you actually look like your father's son.
01:00:55I'm proud of you.
01:00:57All right, all right, motherfuckers!
01:01:0024 hours for your ass.
01:01:04And then I'm gonna come, snatch up your mama,
01:01:08and I'm gonna come back and I'm gonna fucking kill you.
01:01:11And then I'm gonna come, snatch up your mama,
01:01:14and ride her sweet ass out of here.
01:01:17Come on, look at mama's stuff, man.
01:01:22You all right?
01:01:23I would be better if I wasn't shot!
01:01:24Juice, come on, man.
01:01:2550 Cent got shot nine times.
01:01:27He got shot in your pinky toe acting like a bitch.
01:01:29This shit hurt, okay?
01:01:30No, it's just a graze.
01:01:32About to lose a leg.
01:01:33You're fine.
01:01:34What's the play?
01:01:35I don't know a play, okay?
01:01:37You heard what he said.
01:01:38If I don't have the money, he's gonna come back,
01:01:39he's gonna shoot us, he's gonna go to the frat house
01:01:41and kill everybody there.
01:01:42What am I supposed to do?
01:01:45I need some anesthesia.
01:01:46You know what?
01:01:47Matter of fact, take me to the back.
01:01:48Shoot me in the head like a horse.
01:01:50Just put me down.
01:01:51Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, yeah.
01:01:52Yeah, yeah, that's it.
01:01:53No, no.
01:01:55No, no, no, no, not put him down.
01:01:56Put him to sleep.
01:01:57Can you get me roofies?
01:01:58What?
01:01:59You know what, I'm insulted right now
01:02:01that you would think that I'm the roofie guy.
01:02:03Next time I need roofies,
01:02:04I'll present it in a more diplomatic way.
01:02:06But for now, can you get me roofies, yes or no?
01:02:11Yeah, of course.
01:02:15Gentlemen, welcome to your final night of bloodshed.
01:02:25I know this ain't been an easy time for y'all.
01:02:28Been especially hard on some of you.
01:02:31And we had to make it hard on you.
01:02:34Because what you're about to step into is so great.
01:02:37Brotherhood built on loyalty, honesty, trust,
01:02:45and booze and pussy.
01:02:48I love these guys, man.
01:02:53And now, in the grand tradition
01:02:55of our esteemed forefathers who preceded us,
01:02:58we will seal the bond of brotherhood
01:03:01through the drinking of this ceremonial punch
01:03:03consisting of grain alcohol, store-brand fruit punch,
01:03:08and a little bit of liquid THC.
01:03:13Who wants to step up?
01:03:24Huh.
01:03:31Cheers.
01:03:43To loyalty, trust, and honesty.
01:04:01Drink, got drugs, tell em' pour my cup up.
01:04:04You know when we roll up, we gon' get you fucked up.
01:04:07With that, we'd like to welcome you,
01:04:08former shitbags, as our brothers.
01:04:12Kappa Alpha Kappa Loi.
01:04:14Kappa Alpha Kappa Loi.
01:04:16Cheers.
01:04:18Time to get you fucked up.
01:04:20Got drink songs on it on a Friday.
01:04:23Got wig on and pass it over my way.
01:04:26Hey yo, what's up?
01:04:27Tell em' pour my cup up.
01:04:29Time to get your hands up.
01:04:31We gon' get you fucked up.
01:04:32Got drink, got drugs, tell em' pour my cup up.
01:04:35You know when we roll up, we gon' get you fucked up.
01:04:48I think we might have gone heavy on the THC.
01:05:01Oh man, I think I'm good.
01:05:21That punch was strong.
01:05:25Okay, um, work, work.
01:05:29Work, gotta get to work.
01:05:31I don't know why, I don't know why, I don't know why,
01:05:33I don't know why we, we doing this.
01:05:52What are you doing down here, Pledge?
01:05:54Don't you know who I am?
01:05:56Who the fuck are you?
01:05:57Dumb son of a bitch.
01:05:59I'm you, motherfucker.
01:06:01You me?
01:06:03Oh, now hit that shit.
01:06:04We in this together, huh?
01:06:06God damn.
01:06:12It's in the wall.
01:06:13I'm looking in the wall.
01:06:23I didn't do money, and I will spend it.
01:06:27God damn.
01:06:52You son of a bitch.
01:06:58Man.
01:07:08Come on.
01:07:20I got the money, I got the money, I got the money.
01:07:23Hey, hey, hey, hey.
01:07:26I got the money, I got the money.
01:07:31No, I got the money, motherfucker.
01:07:37Man, where is he?
01:07:38He should have been back here by now.
01:07:40You know what, I don't know.
01:07:41I can't really guess at me how long it takes to knock out a room full of white boys,
01:07:44snatch a million dollars, and drive all the way to this neighborhood in Thursday traffic.
01:07:49Evening, dummies.
01:07:55There's the traitor.
01:08:01What the fuck did you do, Buttersworth?
01:08:03I didn't do nothing. I was knocked out.
01:08:05We got real feed. Everyone else is still out.
01:08:07Well, while we were out, someone jacked all our shit.
01:08:10Took our weed, our cash, everything.
01:08:12You doubted me about this, then look what happened.
01:08:14I knew you were up to something.
01:08:15I wasn't up to nothing.
01:08:16You guys are always talking about brotherhood.
01:08:18Having each other's back through thick and thin.
01:08:20Something crazy happens, this how y'all act?
01:08:22Come on.
01:08:25You're not my brother.
01:08:27You're a fucking thief.
01:08:28I'm not a thief.
01:08:30I would never steal y'all's shit.
01:08:32But I think I know who did.
01:08:34So what I'll do is I'll go get it for y'all.
01:08:36And I'll come right back.
01:08:38Because where I'm from, that's what brothers do.
01:08:40We have each other's back.
01:08:42So just ease up.
01:08:43Hey.
01:08:44You're not going anywhere.
01:08:48At least not by yourself.
01:08:50A Kappa Alpha Chi brother never stands alone.
01:08:52So if you're going, we're going.
01:08:54Come on.
01:08:56Look at this.
01:08:57That's great.
01:08:58That's real cute.
01:08:59I think I'm going to handle this one on my own.
01:09:01You guys just chill here.
01:09:02All right?
01:09:03I don't think so, buttersworth.
01:09:06You don't have to do anything on your own anymore.
01:09:09You're Kappa Alpha Chi now.
01:09:11You guys don't understand.
01:09:12This guy is real.
01:09:13Trust me, he's dangerous.
01:09:14Y'all just stay here and chill.
01:09:15I got this.
01:09:16Not a chance.
01:09:18These guys are right.
01:09:20You got your back.
01:09:22We're family now, right?
01:09:27Kappa Alpha Chi for life.
01:09:28Kappa Alpha Chi for life.
01:09:31All right.
01:09:32Kappa Alpha Chi for life.
01:09:34Woo!
01:09:37You know there's like a bunch of dicks on your face?
01:09:40Like a bunch.
01:09:41Yeah, there's a lot of them.
01:09:4390's late.
01:09:47Ooh.
01:09:49My honey.
01:09:51Now, now, Berta.
01:09:53I got a lot of money here.
01:09:55I can make you happy.
01:09:58I'll get you anything you want.
01:10:01We'll make a life together.
01:10:03I don't want your dirty money, Leon.
01:10:05I'm fine with my life just as it is.
01:10:07We just got the phone back on.
01:10:08Thinking about a second line.
01:10:10Where's my son?
01:10:11Mommy, how am I going to focus on getting up in that pussy
01:10:16when all you can talk about is what came out of it?
01:10:19Ew.
01:10:20I think I can get us out of here.
01:10:22Go ahead.
01:10:23You got that?
01:10:24Oh, you got soft hands.
01:10:25I never noticed.
01:10:26You shut up.
01:10:27You shut up.
01:10:28You shut up.
01:10:31All right, you guys hang out by the back door and wait for the signal.
01:10:34Okay, yeah, totally.
01:10:36Yeah, what's the signal, though?
01:10:37Bro, I told you.
01:10:38It's man.
01:10:39Man.
01:10:40Man.
01:10:41Man.
01:10:42Man.
01:10:43Man.
01:10:44Man.
01:10:46Fuck.
01:10:47Okay.
01:10:50Yes!
01:10:51Yes!
01:10:52Yes!
01:10:53Fuck you, Bertha!
01:10:54You just missed out on the greatest dick you've ever known.
01:11:01Black Mr. Clean!
01:11:03I heard roids make your dick small.
01:11:06What the fuck did you just say to me?
01:11:11You and this bitch are just lucky to be alive.
01:11:14Oh, you gonna be sorry you said that.
01:11:16We cool. We cool. We cool.
01:11:18I'm sorry. I apologize.
01:11:20Get your ass back here!
01:11:23Motherfuckers have tried their time sneaking up on Leon Goodluck!
01:11:28You make out anything he's saying?
01:11:30Not really.
01:11:31Sounds like when a chick's telling you about her childhood while she's eating out your asshole.
01:11:36Dude, that is exactly what it sounds like.
01:11:40Oh, shit.
01:11:42Everybody likes butt stuff.
01:11:45You still have balls on your chin.
01:11:48What the fuck are you doing?
01:11:50Okay, okay, Leon. Leon!
01:11:53Just put the crowbar down and I will come with you.
01:11:56Leave Del out of this. Del, step aside.
01:11:58No, Mom, I got this.
01:12:00All right?
01:12:01Time for me to stand my ground.
01:12:04I said it's time I be a man!
01:12:09It's time I be a man!
01:12:14You be a man then. What?
01:12:17I said it's time for me to be a man right now!
01:12:21Bro, did you see that video that said that Tupac is alive and working with the Illuminati?
01:12:25Aaliyah and Left Eye too?
01:12:27Yeah, and it's all true. It's right there on the internet.
01:12:29It's like they're not even trying to cover it up.
01:12:31Wait, wait, wait. You guys hear that?
01:12:36Yo, that sounds like a gap.
01:12:38It is, dawg.
01:12:40Dad! I need to be a man!
01:12:45Baby, are you having a stroke?
01:12:47Come on, man. Please don't rob us again.
01:12:50My dad was on the phone with the bank for hours, getting new credit cards, hassle factors like...
01:12:53Do I look like I fucking care?
01:12:55No.
01:12:56I warned y'all not to come back here.
01:13:00I got this.
01:13:02Well, you want to be a man.
01:13:06All I see is a little boy about to piss himself.
01:13:12Get your ass over there!
01:13:15You're trying to play me! You're trying to play me!
01:13:18Hey, call your boy off, man!
01:13:20We knew we were supposed to wait for your signal to come and help you, but we couldn't hear your signal.
01:13:24And now we need help.
01:13:26Oh.
01:13:27Hold up. Hold up. Is that him?
01:13:30Is that the fucker that took our shit? He's huge!
01:13:33Yo, show some respect, little homie.
01:13:35That is Leon Goodloe, son. Ghetto legend. Hood Hall of Fame motherfucker.
01:13:40This thug right here is in no good low life, and he's the type that I do not associate myself with.
01:13:46You don't associate with?
01:13:49Ask yourself if you've ever seen your friend here in class or doing homework.
01:13:54I maintain a solid GPA. What I do on my own time is my own business, thank you very much.
01:13:59On your own time?
01:14:00What, snooping around in their basement?
01:14:02I'm capping off a cop, motherfucker. What's good?
01:14:04Cap off, okay?
01:14:05Tell him who the fuck you are!
01:14:07Okay, you got the gun right there.
01:14:09Guys, just real quick, I'm gonna keep it 100 with you.
01:14:11Um, my real name is Del Goodloe, okay?
01:14:14I'm not a college student, I lied about that.
01:14:16I just did it so I can get into your frat and take the money that my uncle and father stashed there years ago.
01:14:22So, that's the whole truth.
01:14:30Oh my God! I told you! I told you!
01:14:33I told you! I told you! I told you!
01:14:36I told you like six times this new guy was up to something!
01:14:44Yes, okay, obviously he looks exactly like that fire inspector who came to our house, but I couldn't say that then.
01:14:51And yes, it does seem a little fishy in retrospect that he kept offering to remodel our basement.
01:14:56I bet you're not even a licensed contractor.
01:14:59No, I'm not.
01:15:02You're an asshole.
01:15:05How much money we talking about here, Del?
01:15:08Ain't no big deal. Just a little something left over from an old job.
01:15:12A little money? There's a million dollars in there!
01:15:17Right? There's a million dollars!
01:15:20I thought you didn't want no dirty money!
01:15:22Shit, my morals start to get real flexible around the mid-six figures.
01:15:26You know, legally speaking, depending on how long that's been in our basement, we may technically own it thanks to something called adverse possession.
01:15:35Pre-law.
01:15:36Lucky for me, I don't give a shit about the law.
01:15:39Okay.
01:15:40So give me the fucking money, man.
01:15:43Whatever happened to me being a ghetto legend?
01:15:46Still true.
01:15:47But...
01:15:49A million dollars, bro.
01:15:51Not to mention the shine my reputation gonna get if I take out a badass motherfucker like yourself.
01:15:58I respect that.
01:16:00But you ain't getting that shit.
01:16:02I earned that, however.
01:16:07I think you might enjoy the contents of that bag.
01:16:10Just some odds and ends I managed to relieve these boys of earlier.
01:16:14Get about 20 G's for that shit.
01:16:22That's real nice of you, Leon.
01:16:24Real nice.
01:16:26It'd be even nicer, though, if you just handed over the rest now, too.
01:16:35Look like you got us in a mess now, damn.
01:16:39Ain't nobody leaving this motherfucker until there's some blood on the floor.
01:16:45Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Okay? I'm sorry.
01:16:47I'm sorry.
01:16:48Alright, I'm sorry to everyone.
01:16:50I know you guys are pissed, and look, you got every reason to be, but you gotta understand why I did what I did.
01:16:55Okay? I did it for my moms. I did it to help save this place.
01:16:59And Uncle Leon, come on, man.
01:17:02Remember when you and my dad helped start this, Jim?
01:17:05Remember how proud you were?
01:17:07How proud you were to get these kids off the streets?
01:17:09Turned my life around.
01:17:14And guys, I'll admit, when I first met y'all, I thought you were a bunch of overprivileged, ignorant assholes.
01:17:19With tiny hands, standing between me and what I needed.
01:17:21But I misjudged y'all.
01:17:23Y'all are family.
01:17:25Y'all are brothers.
01:17:27I really believe what Brock said earlier.
01:17:29Family has each other's back, no matter what.
01:17:31Even if they fuck up.
01:17:34Whether that family name is Kappa Alpha Chi.
01:17:36Kappa Alpha Chi?
01:17:42Or good luck.
01:17:46Fuck you, Dale.
01:17:47Ain't no sentimental conflict resolution bullshit gonna work on me.
01:17:56Well, fuck you too, then.
01:18:01Shut me an ass.
01:18:03Shut up.
01:18:04Barely grazed your ass.
01:18:06Oh, it hurts. It hurts.
01:18:07I told you it hurts.
01:18:10Enough!
01:18:15You know what, Dale?
01:18:18When I found out your father had told you about the money, my first thought was...
01:18:24Oh, shit!
01:18:36God damn it, Dale!
01:18:38How many times did I tell you to fix the motherfucking air conditioner?
01:18:42So there you go.
01:18:43Good things do happen in the hood.
01:18:45My mom's got to keep the gym, baby.
01:18:47And there was still plenty of money to go around.
01:18:50Here you go, boys. Sorry about the basement.
01:18:54So now we got a family and we got a business.
01:18:58And even though our insurance payments tripled,
01:19:00I made sure your boy Juice got a job.
01:19:02Juice, you know your workman's comp doesn't cover stupid, right?
01:19:06Why did you climb a ladder?
01:19:08Your workman's comp doesn't cover stupid, right?
01:19:10Why did you climb a ladder so that you could bend down?
01:19:14Oh, what up, neighbor?
01:19:17All the fellas at Kappa Alpha Kite learned how to do some real charity work for a change.
01:19:22Let's practice. Come on, let's club up.
01:19:24And Trapp, well, he was happy to be back in the gym and part of the family again.
01:19:28We even gave him a job.
01:19:30Collections.
01:19:32Yeah, we missing out on some serious loot, baby.
01:19:35We need to get that back.
01:19:38And Pops must have heard the news,
01:19:40because I changed our number twice and he's still calling.
01:19:43This is Dell's gym. Leave a message.
01:19:45Man, answer the damn phone!
01:19:47It's me! It's Dre!
01:19:49I swear you dead if you make that gym a damn cost fit.
01:19:52Hello?
01:19:55Feels good to get back to the community, doesn't it?
01:19:57For sure.
01:19:59Yeah.
01:20:00Okay, there she is.
01:20:02Why don't you start with some toilets, Barack?
01:20:05I deserve that.
01:20:07Make that happen.
01:20:10Oh, and one last thing.
01:20:12Wow, they all came back alive and fully conscious. Impressive.
01:20:17If you think that's impressive.
01:20:23Bill, stop napping on the staff and install the new air conditioner.
01:20:26I gotta go to class in like 30 minutes.
01:20:28Let's have Juice do it.
01:20:30No!
01:20:31Damn.
01:20:33You're a strong college man.
01:20:37Yo, yo!
01:20:39Just tap out if you want a real man to step in.
01:20:43Mind your business, Reggie!
01:20:45Who do you think this is?
01:20:47Yo, Lost.
01:20:50Oh?
01:21:08Man, that...
01:21:10We don't win a Kids' Choice Award. This is some bullshit.
01:21:13Oh, shit!
01:21:15Y'all just gonna let her kick me in my ass?
01:21:19Ah! Ah! Fucking time capsule!
01:21:22Is that too much? Is that overdoing it?
01:21:24My boy!
01:21:28Don't fucking fall asleep on me and I'm sitting here trying to be a Mr. Rogers or a Dr. Phil.
01:21:33And I don't know what you keep looking up at that big St. Bernard for.
01:21:36He don't want nothing but a donut.
01:21:38I can smack him upside the head and throw a donut in the ground.
01:21:40He gonna have to make a decision.
01:21:42What you think he gonna go for?
01:21:43He gonna go for the donut.
01:21:44The motherfucking donut.
01:21:45I think I have it.
01:21:47Okay, she's got it.
01:21:49No, I don't.
01:22:03Get up, get up, get up, get up, and get down.
01:22:07Go, go, go, go, get up.
01:22:10Go, go, go, get up.
01:22:12Go, go, go, get up, get up, get up, get up.
01:22:16You gotta get up and get down.
01:22:18Where I come from, we don't play around.
01:22:21We mobbin' out in that crowd.
01:22:23Gettin' wild, gettin' rowdy, gettin' loud.
01:22:25Get crazy, get hype, get loose.
01:22:28Blow the top off of that roof.
01:22:30And we came off of that stoop.
01:22:32Walkin' through the city like a military troop.
01:22:34Always with my group, never catch me alone.
01:22:37Grab the microphone and I get into my zone.
01:22:39Every time you spit, better watch your tone.
01:22:41Cause we'll send a wack rapper back to his home.
01:22:44Go, go, go, go, go, go, go.
01:22:48Everybody go, go, go, go, go.
01:22:51Everybody, everybody, everybody get up.
01:22:54Get up, get up, get up, get up, and get down.
01:22:58Everybody get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, and get down.
01:23:03Go, go, go, go, get up, go, go, go.
01:23:07Get up, go, go, go, get up, get up, get up, get up.
01:23:28Get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get down.