The Truth About The Olympics - Honest Ads - video Dailymotion

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The Olympics is going to be one of the biggest events of the year....for the networks. Use code HONESTADS50 to get 50% OFF your first Factor box plus 20% off your next month of orders at https://bit.ly/3V5Xh9F !  See more http://www.cracked.com LIKE us on: http://www.facebook.com/cracked FOLLOW us on: http://www.twitter.com/cracked FOLLOW us on: http://cracked.tumblr.com  00:00 FACTOR AD 01:01 If the Olympics Were Honest 01:19 Experience the Olympics 01:33 Roger flashing 01:48 Rog Horstas 03:29 Brikayla Bramoney  Rog Horstas: Jack Hunter Brikayla Bramoney: Britt Migs  Written by: Michael Strauss  Directed by: Michael Strauss Director of Photography: Rob Menzer Audio: Maxwell DiPaolo Editor: Gabrielle Williott  #olympics #gymnastics #olympics2024

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00:00Doing factor ads is an Olympic sport. I'd say we here at Honest Ads would win

00:04the gold. Sadly, it's not. But I am still staying fueled up like an athlete just

00:07in case they need me to tap in in Paris. Thanks to Factor, which has delicious

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00:19summer games. Already in two minutes or less. What event do you think you'd

00:23qualify for? The shot launch? I'm surrounded by idiots. Sure, but what Roger

00:29doesn't know is that Factor has more than 60 add-ons every week like

00:32breakfast, on-the-go lunch, snacks, and drinks to help me stay fueled up and

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00:40cooking, or cleaning up, which I'm too busy for. I'm training for the shot launch.

00:44Hit those summer goals by heading to Factor75.com or click the link below and

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00:53next month of orders. That's code HONESTADDS50 at Factor75.com to get 50%

00:57off your first box plus 20% off your next month of orders. This summer, for the

01:02first time in four years, experience the magic like you've never seen it before.

01:07Liberté, égalité, and a sports-themed drag show, Les Miserables crossover, no one

01:14knew we needed. Experience the Olympics. With the whole world watching, we turn to

01:21Paris, where we hope exorbitant government spending won't leave any

01:25vacant stadiums to decay in rural France. Instead, we choose to celebrate

01:31thousands of years of tradition in honoring the human form, sometimes

01:36actually nude, in the tradition of the ancient Greeks.

01:48Hello, I'm Rog Horstis, and I'll be making snide comments, taking long pauses,

01:55and making things seem really important during our HSBS exclusive broadcast of

02:04the Olympic Games. See the world's biggest event where we'll applaud the

02:08human ability to sport all kinds of sport, wrestle sport, run sport, throw sport, and

02:14even all kinds of don't drown sports. Athletes who have sacrificed having

02:19childhood friends and any semblance of a normal life compete against state

02:23sponsored athletes from communist nations, where they're most likely doping

02:27on some state-approved drug that will result in a random millisecond win from

02:32China in the women's freestyle, even though they've never won before. And just

02:36when you think my commentary is obtuse, I can bring it down and dirty and talk

02:41about how those cardboard beds in the Olympic Village are actually a lot

02:46sturdier than they look. You might gasp at how that hefty man could throw a

02:51small stone from his neck cavity while spinning in a circle. Not to mention the

02:56constant play of sport and the quickness of a race or a short doggy paddle

03:00through a pool will leave plenty of time for our sponsors. We'll be sponsored by

03:05soft drinks that are filled with sugar and big-box stores that employ some of

03:10our amazing athletes in their offseason, like Bracayla Bramoney. That's right, my

03:16face will appear in ads in between events, which could be as frequently as

03:19every five minutes. I'll be the poster child for everything from insurance to

03:23feminine products. And yes, I said poster child because I'm literally 14. Crazy

03:29that these uniforms get smaller every year. Must be for performance reasons.

03:33After all, I am the favorite to win the gold this year, and because of that, I'll

03:37get all sorts of national attention, and my image and likeness will likely make

03:41the network and advertisers millions, dare I say, hundreds of millions. Horton

03:46Athletics is a proud sponsor of this year's Olympic Games. That Bracayla

03:52Bramoney is one incredible talent. The only thing she may have in common with

03:56children around the world is that her labor is also exploited to make someone

04:00else money. Olympic athletes rely on endorsements to survive and continue to

04:05train. Most of the patriotic sports soldiers won't be at the games next time

04:09around unless they're really good and willing to take on the plight of being

04:13an Olympic athlete and paying their way into the Olympic Village. Now, I have to

04:19bring up the bed thing again because it's all anyone will talk about. They

04:23look smaller every year, and we no longer put out contraceptives, but that doesn't

04:27mean we're trying to stop all those athletes from jumping each other's bones

04:31all summer. It just means we don't want to be responsible for any situationships.

04:37Dating really is tough these days. It's hard to find a good man anywhere, even

04:42the entire world. This used to be a tournament of average everyday athletes,

04:46where you just sort of qualified as a student in your hometown or university

04:51and then ran against other hometown heroes. Think chariots of fire, but since

04:56the Ruskies started training hockey players and filling them with whatever

04:59formaldehydes they pumped into Ivan Drago, athletes from the USA have

05:04answered the call. This is a major industry. I mean, the coverage and

05:09streaming rights are super expensive, and we want to make our money back, god

05:13damn it. We have the whole world watching. So our parent company, Horton Enterprises,

05:19charges up the wazoo for advertising, a kickback we use to sponsor the athletes,

05:24who in turn then make all of that money back for us and then some. Come together

05:29as the world competes in honor of the great human spirit, literally named after

05:34an ancient Greek event where men would wrestle naked and honor Zeus and all the

05:38other gods on Mount Olympus. This event looks nothing like that. In fact, the

05:44closest any of us will get to Mount Olympus is the Greek diner down the

05:48street. But hey, their club sandwiches are enough to say, go Team USA. I've been

05:56Raj Horstis. Go Team USA! USA! USA! USA! Come on, USA! USA!

The Truth About The Olympics - Honest Ads

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