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JUNKY (The Confessions of JD Vance)
My name is JD Vance and it’s a sorry tale I tell
for I fell for the golden calf and now I’m going to hell
I was born Rust Belt riffraff, no silver spoon in my mouth,
but the lure of loot took me and my values all went south
>
I was “a never Trump guy” until the Trump guys won
Declared “I never liked him” then had to change my tune
Said he might be “America’s Hitler” until he made me come
to attention any time he talked or walked into a room
I called him a “fraud,” called him “unfit,”
a quack pill to relieve our pain
his promised fix all cut counterfeit
and “the needle in America’s collective vein”
“My god what an idiot!” I did once tweet
but when he took my hand and offered me a seat
at that table piled high with horse and red meat
I cuckolded my country and kissed the traitor’s feet
>
‘Cause I got a soul like a slinky, I’m supremely supine
and like Lisa Loopner’s dad, I was born without a spine
I wanted what I’d never had, lord, wanted it so bad
it left me kneeling unclad at the MAGA shrine
He’s an “Opioid for the masses,” I did proclaim
back in the elegiac days when I still had a brain
Now I’m strung out on hot flashes in the ashes of my campaign
and it’s white light white heat, mama, driving that train
>
He is “cultural heroin” is what I did maintain
before going down to the crossroads
to sell my soul to the devil and throw in with a gang
of filthy rich predator assholes
A whole slew of views I did then have to delete
for that heroin’s now my life, and it’s my wife... so to speak
I put aside all morals to sate my lust for laurels
said I do when he wooed me to be his lawfully vetted veep
Yeah, Donald threw me a bone and I saw a door to glory
and sold my soul for a home in the Naval Observatory
Punched with no hesitancy my ticket to the vice-presidency
Topped off my apostasy with a lament that will live in infamy,
an off-key minstrelsy, oh, this silk-stocking elegy
has soiled evermore my legacy with GOP depravity...
>
For I’m as supple as a slinky, I’m as tough as a Twinkie
and like Lisa Loopner’s pop, don’t got me no backbone
With my moral compass shot and my cover now blown
I’ll shape-shift to the top and kowtow till the cows come home
They say he’s all conniving, no more loyal than a rat
They say they saw him knifing Mike Pence in the back
But the die has cast me as his flunky, lo, the groveling junky
swilling the orange Kool-Aid and shooting up orange smack...
JUNKY (The Confessions of JD Vance)
My name is JD Vance and it’s a sorry tale I tell
for I fell for the golden calf and now I’m going to hell
I was born Rust Belt riffraff, no silver spoon in my mouth,
but the lure of loot took me and my values all went south
>
I was “a never Trump guy” until the Trump guys won
Declared “I never liked him” then had to change my tune
Said he might be “America’s Hitler” until he made me come
to attention any time he talked or walked into a room
I called him a “fraud,” called him “unfit,”
a quack pill to relieve our pain
his promised fix all cut counterfeit
and “the needle in America’s collective vein”
“My god what an idiot!” I did once tweet
but when he took my hand and offered me a seat
at that table piled high with horse and red meat
I cuckolded my country and kissed the traitor’s feet
>
‘Cause I got a soul like a slinky, I’m supremely supine
and like Lisa Loopner’s dad, I was born without a spine
I wanted what I’d never had, lord, wanted it so bad
it left me kneeling unclad at the MAGA shrine
He’s an “Opioid for the masses,” I did proclaim
back in the elegiac days when I still had a brain
Now I’m strung out on hot flashes in the ashes of my campaign
and it’s white light white heat, mama, driving that train
>
He is “cultural heroin” is what I did maintain
before going down to the crossroads
to sell my soul to the devil and throw in with a gang
of filthy rich predator assholes
A whole slew of views I did then have to delete
for that heroin’s now my life, and it’s my wife... so to speak
I put aside all morals to sate my lust for laurels
said I do when he wooed me to be his lawfully vetted veep
Yeah, Donald threw me a bone and I saw a door to glory
and sold my soul for a home in the Naval Observatory
Punched with no hesitancy my ticket to the vice-presidency
Topped off my apostasy with a lament that will live in infamy,
an off-key minstrelsy, oh, this silk-stocking elegy
has soiled evermore my legacy with GOP depravity...
>
For I’m as supple as a slinky, I’m as tough as a Twinkie
and like Lisa Loopner’s pop, don’t got me no backbone
With my moral compass shot and my cover now blown
I’ll shape-shift to the top and kowtow till the cows come home
They say he’s all conniving, no more loyal than a rat
They say they saw him knifing Mike Pence in the back
But the die has cast me as his flunky, lo, the groveling junky
swilling the orange Kool-Aid and shooting up orange smack...
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