Welcome to Tues Your Own Adventure! Join Jules and James as they take look at video game weapons you were ashamed to use!! Put it away. Please.
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00Bloodborne is...
00:01Beep-a-dee-ba-dee-ba-doo!
00:02Start that again.
00:03Hello all of you little demons, Jules here for WhatCulture.com, back again with another
00:08episode of the awesomely named and awfully hosted Choose Your Own Adventure, the weekly
00:13medieval themed format where I, the Crown Jules of WhatCulture.com, take a list chosen
00:17by you, yes you, the person who's trying out a brand new recipe for the first time.
00:22Go on, add a bit more salt in there.
00:24That's too much, you've ruined it, chuck it out, yes you get to decide what list I
00:28dole out to you each and every week, and this week we have none other to thank than
00:34Soul Helper for their suggestion of video game weapons that you were ashamed to use.
00:40Now here's the thing, sometimes when it comes to video games you're only as good as the
00:44tools that you wield, and if you aren't getting the right one in the face of evil,
00:48well you're going to end up looking like a tool of a very different kind.
00:51It's not uncommon for video games to provide ever increasingly powerful and over-the-top
00:56weapons for players to wield, yet that doesn't stop a fair few devs from using pokers, prodders
01:01and slashers to humiliate the player base in different ways.
01:05From being so powerful that other gamers will call you out for using easy strats, forcing
01:09players to rely on these weapons to get them through a rough patch, or being just so downright
01:13embarrassing that you'd not want to be caught dead holding them, sometimes the weapon you
01:17picked up ended up becoming a mark of shame on your soul forever.
01:20So let's take a look at them as I'm Jules, this is WhatCulture.com, and these are 8 video
01:24game weapons that you were ashamed to use.
01:27And you know the drill by now, say hi to me here in the live chat, and put your suggestions
01:31for next week's episode down in the comments section below.
01:348.
01:35Model 1887 Akimbo
01:38Call of Duty Modern Warfare 2
01:40When it comes to the Call of Duty franchise, the list of video game weapons that you're
01:44either a dick for using or should be ashamed to use is pretty large.
01:48It could have been a list all by itself, such as the developer's almost surgical ability
01:53to put in shooters, spooters, and spirit kickers with big booters into this franchise
01:58and then just walk away with an apathetic shrug as the player base melts from within.
02:02You've got your nukes, you've got your bouncing betties, you've got your ballistic knives,
02:06and of course you've got your noob tubes, which in all honesty I was going to put on
02:10this list because A. they are the literal embodiment of kills with no skills, and B.
02:14the name noob tube alone really should make anyone ashamed to use them.
02:18But then I remembered the Model 1887.
02:22And I died inside.
02:23Or to be more specific, I remember the moment that I got killed from nearly halfway across
02:27the bloody map by a player dual wielding these supposed shotguns and then muttering to myself,
02:32God has forsaken us.
02:34This one moment was then forced through a kaleidoscope of pain in which nearly every
02:39player began to rely on this loadout, utterly killing the competitive scene for months and
02:43months.
02:44And you know what the worst part of all of this was?
02:46The shame.
02:47But the shame didn't come from using these weapons to just kill players over and over
02:51again, it was the fact that because the competitive scene had been shaped so drastically by this
02:55akimbo loadout, it meant that you were forced to use them, so you basically just had to
03:00sigh and say, I guess I'm as bad as this absolute trough of humanity right now.
03:06Shame.
03:07Shame on you.
03:087.
03:09Phantom – Soul Blade
03:10Okay, so let's get something clear right out of the gate.
03:12Soulcalibur, as a franchise, is a very wild ride indeed.
03:16I mean, you've got your grab bag of fantasy tropes, you've got more jiggle and juggle
03:20physics enough so to make Newton's third law of motion feel absolutely ridiculed, and
03:25of course you've got all of the crazy weapons that the combatants bring to the table.
03:29And of all of these stabbers, slicers and skewering weapons, there are of course some
03:33incredibly weird ones, and while it would be easy to talk about the joke weapons that
03:37nearly every title includes, none of them really make the user feel ashamed.
03:41In fact, the only shame likely being felt is if you end up pasting your opponents with
03:45them.
03:46The Phantom Blade, from the original Soul Blade, definitely hits different.
03:50And by that I mean that it's an invisible weapon, so feels incredibly cheap to use,
03:54and if you did use it, you should feel ashamed.
03:56That's right, Huang over here gets access to a weapon that not only is completely invisible,
04:01making it harder for your opponent to react to your attacks, but is also three feet longer
04:05than his original weapon, meaning that you can attack your foe without them being able
04:09to know where your reach even extends to.
04:11As you can imagine, this is the lowest of the low, the cheapest of the cheap, and if
04:15you use this against an opponent, you should feel very, very ashamed.
04:19Like proud owner of all of the Extreme Beach Volleyball spin-off games, ashamed.
04:24Yeah, I know that one.
04:266.
04:27Nearly every magic spell, Elden Ring
04:30Oh Elden Ring, you really are a horrific mess of a masterclass, aren't you?
04:37This truly seems like the moment that FromSoft just threw their hands up in the air and said
04:40You know what, fine.
04:41Have it all, as with its plethora of memorable boss battles, a staggering amount of environments,
04:47and almost overwhelming build possibilities, Elden Ring is a game both brilliant, beautiful,
04:52and brutal in equal measure.
04:54But one of the funniest things to keep track of has been the patch notes for this title,
04:58which routinely have come along and attempted to nerf a new popular build that is doing
05:02the rounds, which have somehow twisted the game into a horrible monster that can somehow
05:06kill end-game bosses in moments.
05:08I'm looking at you, Dark Reaper Bleed build with Blood Flame which kills Mileena in SEVEN
05:13SECONDS.
05:14And yet of all of these incredible builds, there has been one that many just simply turned
05:18their noses up instantly because of its sheer cheese factor.
05:21I'm speaking of course about the majority of magic builds, mainly those that utilise
05:25spells like Rock Sling or Comet Azure, which can utterly melt bosses with just one or two
05:30clicks of a button.
05:31Now don't get me wrong, there is some pleasure to be gained from watching your friend struggle
05:35against a boss for hours and hours on end, only to just walk up and be like, HADOUKEN.
05:41Phew, that was a tough battle, I almost had to click twice.
05:46But it's definitely cheesy, and you should definitely feel ashamed for doing that.
05:50These types of build definitely come with a caveat from the community, which is a millstone
05:54of shame worn heavy around the neck of anyone looking for an easy ride, meaning that yes,
05:59technically you are the mage of the age, but you're still a scrub in the eyes of Elden
06:03Ring purists.
06:04Hey look, I don't make the rules.
06:075.
06:08Farsight XR20, Perfect Dark
06:10Now sometimes a video game weapon will come along that is so overwhelming and offensively
06:14overpowered that it will actually shape the way the game itself is played around it, and
06:19that is definitely what happened for the case of the Farsight in Perfect Dark.
06:24I say this because the moment that players learned of the spawn location of this absolute
06:28friendship ender, every match would devolve into a rush towards that hotspot.
06:32And that's because the Farsight's ability to be both one of the most powerful sniper
06:36rifles in the game, and was able to, oh yeah let me check my notes here, see through f***
06:40walls, made it a must have.
06:42Yes, that's right, the cheapest of cheap tactics was now totally viable and also included
06:47by the developer, thanks to this game.
06:50And as you might expect, it ruined pretty much any couch multiplayer session if even
06:53one of your mates knew of its location and had even a modicum of skill.
06:57How could you not feel even a shred of guilt while using a gun that basically takes the
07:01concept of a fair fight and throws it out of the bloody window?
07:04Now what makes this even funnier is that there's actually defenders of this gun out there that
07:09are just like, oh no mate but you still need skill to use it, it's a sniper rifle so you've
07:13still got to use skill to use it mate, it's not that overpowered really is it?
07:18Oh come on mate, come on, you are lying to yourself right now.
07:22Not even that Lynx gift body spray set that Inan gave you at Christmas is covering up
07:26the stinky and ridiculous stench of shame that covers your body.
07:324. Oddjob's Hat, 007 Nightfire
07:35Now in recent years, the creators of the almighty 007 Goldeneye have gone on record to state
07:42that yes, finally, categorically, that using Oddjob in the multiplayer mode is counted
07:48as cheating because of his small stature means that it's just much harder to aim at him.
07:53So yes, it is cheating.
07:55But it's not the entry on this list today, oh no, because that's a character, not a weapon.
08:00But his hat is.
08:01Yes, that's right, Oddjob has actually ruined two 007 video games thanks to 007 Nightfire
08:07which allowed people to not only play as the character once more, but now had access to
08:10his unique weapon, his hat.
08:13This one hit kill weapon soon became an utter nightmare for other players, as with incredible
08:17range and near perfect accuracy, basically meant that you had a free kill just waiting
08:21to be used with each respawn.
08:23Therefore I ask you James, what is worse than a cheater?
08:27I'd probably say hay fever, um, or the collapse of the British government, you know, either
08:32or.
08:33I was hoping that you'd say double cheater, but yeah, that's more depressing, thank
08:37you for that.
08:38As here you not only have prior backing from the devs that Oddjob comes with a rather okay
08:42go on then be that guy vibe, but here also now has the caveat of oh okay we're just
08:47not friends anymore special weapon, shame.
08:50Shame on you.
08:513.
08:52The Alien Rectifier Saints Row 4
08:54I mean, you can see why this one's on this list, right?
08:57You can see why the alien rectifier is on a list of weapons that you should be ashamed
09:01for using.
09:02Because nowhere using this weapon skill paints you in a good light.
09:06You walk up to a person, forcibly insert it into their bottom, turn them into a human
09:11pinata that is full of explosives, and then just fire them off into the sky, or into a
09:15crowd of unsuspecting civilians.
09:17You are not the hero of this story, my friend.
09:20This reeks of shame.
09:22How would you explain this if your parents walked in?
09:24Plus, the fact that there are many, many other weapons to use in this game that are much,
09:28much less humiliating for your opponent, and therefore means that you've actively chosen
09:32this as a means for someone's death, and you should feel ashamed.
09:35Don't get me wrong, we've all used it at least once, and I can't imagine anyone
09:39doing so without a ridiculous smile on their faces, but that somehow makes it even worse
09:43that we carry a collective shame at being so utterly and needlessly cruel with this
09:47weapon.
09:48And if you're looking for any more reason as to why it's on this list, then just remember
09:51as well, this is a DLC weapon, which means that you paid for this, you monster.
09:562.
09:57The Wooden Shield, Bloodborne
09:59So let's face facts.
10:00When it comes to utterly brutal FromSoftware experiences, Bloodborne is definitely eeeeeeeeeeeeh,
10:05it's gonna be up there.
10:08It's gonna be up there.
10:10Presenting a huge departure from what fans had grown to expect from the likes of Dark
10:14and Demon's Souls, Bloodborne basically walked up, slapped your turtle-poking fighting
10:19style in the face, and then pulled your trousers down for good measure.
10:23This was a schoolyard bully of a video game that told you that everything you'd relied
10:27on in the past was not gonna serve you an ounce in this gothic nightmare.
10:31Here you needed to duck, dive, dodge, and drink so much body juice that you'd end
10:34up resembling a blood-filled balloon.
10:37And anything less was death, and the devs even made a huge point of this with the inclusion
10:41of the wooden shield.
10:42Now while not technically a weapon in a traditional sense, you can still hit your enemy with it,
10:47which means you can deal damage, which means evil finger temple of doom, is it?
10:51It's on the list.
10:52And I'm also including it because this shield utterly reeks of shame.
10:55More so than throwing dung pies at enemies in Dark Souls.
10:58More so than spamming S-stock hits on Dark Souls 3 to stunlock opponents.
11:02More so than having to call in support for bloody pinwheel, as here this shield not only
11:06slows your movement while in use, but barely blocks any damage in the first bloody place.
11:10Yet the greatest mark of shame comes from the item description.
11:14Shields are nice, but not if they engender passivity.
11:17Ouch, my pride.
11:191.
11:20The Sexy Beam Silent Hill 3.
11:23The Sexy Beam.
11:26The Sexy Beam.
11:29The Sexy Beam.
11:31Even saying that name aloud should give you a pretty strong indication that things are
11:34about to go off the rails, and boy howdy is both the act of unlocking this secret weapon
11:39in Silent Hill 3 and then using it in battle an absolute rollercoaster.
11:44Now, as you might expect, as Silent Hill 3 is a survival horror game, it's not one
11:48to dole out the meaty weapons from the outset, preferring instead to keep you on your toes
11:52as monsters of all sizes try to take a nibble on them.
11:55You let go of my big toe.
11:56You stop it now.
11:57You stop it now.
11:58You sto- ow.
11:59I've lost it now.
12:00Brilliant.
12:01Good.
12:02However, should the player persevere with the pretty tough challenge of killing 333
12:06monsters to unlock the Heather Beam and then using the transform costume item, then they
12:10will be rewarded with the most powerful weapon in the game, the Sexy Beam.
12:14So far, so sexy, right?
12:17Well, no, because have you ever used it in the video game?
12:21Have you ever forced a teenage girl to pose in a suggestive manner while she whispers
12:26sexy beam and shoots lasers out of her face?
12:31I mean, admittedly, the laser thing, cool.
12:33Everything else, pure cringe, mate.
12:35You should be ashamed of being caught using this.
12:38I feel like it should put you on a registry.
12:40It's just kind of like, sexy, oh, there's the cops, sick.
12:44And there we go, my friends, those were eight video game weapons that you were ashamed to
12:48use.
12:49I hope that you enjoyed that, and please let me know what you thought about it down in
12:52the comments section below.
12:53And if you want to chat to me further on the social medias, you can do so over on Twitter
12:57at RetroJay, but the O is a zero, and James Downs is putting his meme-filled rants over
13:02here at the side.
13:03Go follow him as well.
13:04He's a good boy, believe it or not.
13:06But before I go, I just want to say one thing.
13:08Even though we detailed today about video game weapons that you were ashamed to use,
13:12I just want to talk about the concept of shame, regret, and mistakes that we've made in the
13:16past in a more positive manner.
13:18We are human.
13:19We all make mistakes, and you should try to forgive yourself for mistakes that you've
13:22made in the past, and if you have the capacity to do so, to forgive people who've wronged
13:26you as well.
13:27Trust me, if you can go on with love in your heart instead of anger, you'll be able to
13:31build bridges instead of burning them, you will go on to live a healthy and happy life,
13:35and that is all I want for you, alright?
13:37You're a massive ledge, and you deserve the best.
13:40Now go out there and utterly smash it.
13:42I love ya, ya big ledge.
13:44As always, I've been Jules, you have been awesome, never forget that, and I'll speak
13:48to you soon.
13:49Bye.