Tell me why a good night's sleep is crucial for stress
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00:00Not all stress is bad. Some stress is actually good for you. So when you are running on the treadmill,
00:07you are activating the stress response in your body. And that is a good thing because it is then,
00:14when you stress the system, then the system says, okay, I've got to now meet that demand.
00:20And that's how you grow. And that's how you expand your abilities, whether it's physical strength or mental strength.
00:27You do have to put a little bit of pressure or a little bit of stress onto that system
00:32in order for that system to then expand beyond what it is comfortable with.
00:38So you think about your comfort zone as having no stress, but you think about your growth zone as having some stress.
00:45But you are able to meet those demands and adapt and then push yourself out and then meet those demands and adapt.
00:58Okay, so I'm not sure if this was answered in our conversation, but this was one of the questions I had.
01:04What's the difference between acute and chronic stress? This is something that I read up about and I was like,
01:10okay, I've never heard of that before. What is the difference between the two?
01:14Acute is short term. Acute meaning short and small. Acute stress, we can deal with it, comes and it goes.
01:22So acute stress could be like, you know, end of the year reports. We're under acute stress right now.
01:28Chronic stress is we are working in a psychologically unsafe environment.
01:33We are living in an environment with many microstressors. That is chronic. Chronic meaning long term.
01:41Constant.
01:42Constant. Chronic, not good. Acute pushes you. You still have to manage it.
01:49You still aren't going to perform your best if you're really under too much stress.
01:54But it usually doesn't last very long.
01:57Yeah, so it's temporary. It's sort of like project based, basically, kind of.
02:02Okay, so we spoke about stress and we spoke about what causes it and we spoke about the different types of stress.
02:09So the big S, the small S, acute, chronic. What can I do to prevent this?
02:16So like what are some stress management, I don't know, I want to say mechanisms that a person can do so that they don't reach that point?
02:27What are certain things that I may do during my day that will make a big difference by the end of the week so I don't feel overwhelmed?
02:36What are certain like if you can give like people tips on what to do during your day so you do not reach that point where you shut down?
02:45There are many things you can do and your stress relieving activities would be different than someone else's.
02:55But there are some non-negotiables. This is like, hey, listen, if you ain't doing this, you could be reading every book.
03:03You could be listening to every podcast. It ain't going to help.
03:06So let me tell you what the non-negotiables are.
03:09One, sleep. It is a non-negotiable. You can come to therapy until seven years from now, twice a week.
03:20And if you aren't sleeping, it's not going to help.
03:24Because what sleep does, I mean, that's a whole other podcast, by the way, I'm not going to go into the details of that.
03:31But you need the sleep because if you don't sleep seven to eight hours of good quality sleep, not just passing out at two in the morning, good quality sleep.
03:44You are 60 percent more reactive in the day.
03:51So you come into the day. You have stress. I have stress. I slept well. I'm more capable of more able.
03:59We have the same resource, literally the same exact person, same background, same histories, everything.
04:07I am my clone of me. OK. And they come in. This one slept and this one didn't.
04:14This one's going to be this one is going to be more reactive.
04:17They're just going to be more reactive because the amygdala is going to be much more in control.
04:24The amygdala is our fight or flight reactivity system.
04:27OK, we are going to be more reactive when something doesn't go our way.
04:31So that's the first thing you've got to got to got to get your sleep in order.
04:37You can talk about how to do that. Yeah.
04:40Another thing I would say is that you've got to exercise, literally exercise, like not just like, oh, stretching and no movement is good.
04:51But you've got to do some cardio. You've got to exercise.
04:55That exercise actually prepares you for the stress response.
04:59So it actually is giving you small doses. It's like a vaccine gives you the small dose of the flu.
05:07OK, mobilizes your immune system to then come in and say, I can handle the big dose if the flu comes my way.
05:15What exercise does is it gives you small doses of stress.
05:19So then you are actually more capable of dealing with stress.
05:23It not only does that, it actually releases stress.
05:26It gives you positive chemicals like endorphins and serotonin and dopamine and all the beautiful things that we want.
05:33Yeah. So not only is it protective, it actually is generative for you when it comes to what it does for you.
05:42So exercise is a non-negotiable.
05:46If you're sitting all day and you're dealing with stress, even if you're sleeping, it's not you're not fully resourced.
05:55Yeah. And then the third thing that I would say, eat right.
06:0190 percent of our serotonin, which is our happy chemical, which is an antidepressant and all different types of medications is in our gut.
06:14It's produced in our gut. And more and more research is showing about the gut brain access.
06:21Right. The gut communicates to the brain. The brain communicates to the gut. And we're all talking to each other.
06:27Right. You literally feel what you eat. And if you're eating Doritos all day long, guess what?
06:34You're going to feel dead. You're going to feel not alive. You're going to feel suffocated.
06:39Yeah. Basically, you're going to feel like a Dorito.
06:42A Dorito, I was just going to say.
06:44And so what you want is you want to eat of the earth. You want to nourish your body. And that's what you are doing.
06:52Now, what am I doing as I do these three things? Sleep, eat, exercise. I call it C. So you can see straight. S-E-E.
07:00OK. When you are doing this, you actually are able to see straight. You're able to see better.
07:07But other things that are actually very protective of stress are things like making sure you get your blood work done routinely.
07:18Because sometimes it's a magnesium deficiency. It's a vitamin D deficiency. And we think, oh, I feel so depressed.
07:25And it's like, no, actually, you're low on vitamin D or you're low on magnesium. And that can mimic the symptoms of depression.
07:34No energy, can't concentrate, can't motivate myself. All of that. And bottom up, your body is saying something ain't right.
07:42So I would say do routine blood work. I would also say hydrate. Dehydration can look like depression.
07:49Dehydration can also look like anxiety and anger issues. So are you hydrating yourself? Minerals, vitamins, all of that stuff.
07:57So those are some of the things that I would say are non-negotiables. Now, on the flip side, there are going to be some protective measures you can have.
08:06Make sure you have a tribe. I know we live in Dubai. It's a transient community, although it's not so much anymore.
08:14But you want, even if you're here for two years, find your people. Whether it's your cycling club or your book club or your work people.
08:25Find your people. You need people. We are tribal people for as long as time. We have been tribal people.
08:34So who is your tribe? And they can't be the people that are living across the ocean because they're not accessible to you in the same time zone as you.
08:41And if I'm really stressed, I need you. I need you to help me regulate. So who are your people here?
08:48Find those people. That is the number one most protective measure against stress. It mitigates, it regulates when it comes to stress.
08:59And then I would say is that build coping skills. You've got to have good coping skills. And that could be anything from mindfulness.
09:08It could be a hobby. It could be a new thing you do. It could be cognitive behavioral therapy techniques.
09:15It could be something you work with your therapist with. It could be small things you do throughout your day that actually help regulate you.
09:24You need to keep putting in to this little bucket of resource. You need to keep resourcing yourself. The bigger the challenge, the more the resource.
09:36And there are times where I go through, for example, September is a very hectic time as a mother of four children, one in boarding school, one in this curriculum, one in that curriculum.
09:48All of this stuff is moving. And then the business really takes off in September. The demands on me are high at that point. I turn down the socializing.
10:01I love socializing. I have a few people that I hang out with. But the big social events, no, I'm not doing those.
10:10So I turn those down because that also takes resources. So I don't want to get dressed up and I don't want to go out and I don't want to be in loud environments and I don't want to stay out late and I don't want to eat foods that might compromise me.
10:22I can do that regularly in different months. But in September, it's just buckle down and let's get a system in order for the first six weeks.
10:31So during major adjustment periods, I would say to people and parents, generally human beings, when you are in an adjustment period, which is any adjustment, you have a new job, you have a new child, you have a new marriage, you have a new relationship.
10:46Any adjustment, give it six weeks. Buckle down. You've got to go into like Olympian mode. Resource up. Limit the things that chip away at you because you're going to need that.
11:00Right, right. So I'm glad you mentioned that because I think that a lot of us, again, with the social life, you were saying you turn that down a little. That's sometimes an escape for people.
11:11Like when they feel like they're overstressed, they feel like that social aspect is going to help them when it doesn't necessarily.
11:18Like it actually, you know, stresses them out even more because they think about, oh, I need to get dressed and what am I going to wear and where are we going?
11:25And then you stay up late, which affects your sleep and so on and so forth. So it sort of affects every other aspect.
11:32The second thing that I wanted to comment on is finding your people. I actually love that. That's beautiful.
11:37Because sometimes finding the wrong people can actually be what harms you. And I feel like finding the right people is so important and is sometimes difficult to find the right people that will give you the right energy and that will give you the right encouragement in the right place.
11:53So I really like those two.
11:55I would just correct one thing. It's not sometimes. It actually is. I mean, it's a research fact that if you have the wrong people around you, you are far more compromised.
12:07There you go.
12:08You are not going to be happy.
12:09There you go.
12:10Period. So really look at who's around you. And of course, we can't choose our family and we might be in places where we have to deal with difficult colleagues.
12:20You're just going to have to limit those interactions and you're going to resource up before you go in front of exactly.
12:25But who are your people that you go to where you are in your pajamas and you can just be like, hey, listen, I just want to talk. And hey, why don't you come hang out? Let's have a burger.
12:35Like it's not about what you do. It's just you're hanging out and being with those people.
12:42Right.
12:43And they're being with you. You are supporting them and they are supporting you just by being with each other.
12:50Yes, exactly. OK, so moving into like professionally, do you feel that more people there are some people that are more prone to stress?
13:02Yeah, sure.
13:04There are certain like personalities or certain I don't know, people that are just more prone to stress.
13:12I'm actually curious to know because is it an excuse or is it actually true? Like are people like if someone comes and says, oh, I'm more prone to it, sort of like when you were saying I'm more I'm predisposed to get diabetes, for instance.
13:25But do you feel like more people are more like some people are more prone?
13:29Sure. I think your childhood, your childhood experiences, people with perfectionistic tendencies, people with type A personalities that kind of highly driven, highly ambitious, highly, highly like not intolerant of things that go wrong like that type of person is going to be far more stressed.
13:51So there are and there are certain life circumstances also that happen, which then are depleting us so much of our resources that we are going to be more prone.
14:00So it's not just, oh, I was predisposed to stress because I lived in a stressful home environment.
14:08That is a predisposition that my system is charged up because I had traumatic childhood or I had complex, you know, trauma during my childhood, relational trauma, a traumatic childhood that I lived in parents that were actually quite volatile, violent or aggressive.
14:29Any of these things puts us in this vigilant state. And when we're in that vigilant state, we are just looking for that thing to go wrong.
14:42So that is a predisposition that of life experiences that can charge people up a certain way. But it also is you could be a pretty chilled out person. But life is asking a lot of you now. Maybe you're going through a divorce and you just had a baby or maybe you had a death in the family and your job.
15:03You just got promoted. Like it's about what is life asking of you? And are you able with the resources you have? And that doesn't mean that you step down from life. That just means you've got to resource out more in order to meet those demands.
15:20So that's where it's like, get support, because that support that lifts you into being able to meet those demands. This is where the bigger the life gets, the more you want to do in your life. You're gonna need support. You cannot do it alone. It's impossible. Trust me, I tried. It doesn't work.
15:44It's just an equation. It's just how it works. You're absolutely right.
15:48People with a high inner like, loud inner critic, lots of fears that they haven't confronted, low self esteem, low confidence. These are all things that are going to contribute to them being more predisposed to stress, burnout, anxiety.
16:06Of course, of course. Okay, so we can talk about stress until tomorrow.
16:10Probably until next year about stress.
16:13Exactly. So, but I want to go into anxiety a bit more. So I want to discuss when does anxiety get out of control? And when does a person know that, okay, I need professional help, because I can no longer control the anxiety. I'm always anxious about anything, the little things and the big things. When does it need professional help?
16:37So think about these three words. Intensity, frequency, duration. How intense it is? One to 10? How are you feeling? How anxious are you feeling? Oh, my God, I'm a 10. I'm like 12. Frequency, how often is that happening? Oh, it just started happening. Okay.
17:02Frequency, like how often? Is it every day? Duration, how long has that been going on? Now, if my daughter comes to me and says, I'm anxious, or I'm depressed, I'm looking for these three things. And she could say, well, it's, it's been going on all day. And it's a 10 out of 10. For how long? For three days? It is not depression.
17:28It is not. But it's enough of a flag. We've got the orange flag going at this point, the red flag is not up. But the orange flag is up, you've need you need an intervention. Because if you don't address it now, it then could become a disorder. You see, so it's not, you know, it doesn't you just don't wake up one day, and you're anxious, of course, you don't just wake up one day, and you have a clinical diagnosis of depression, right?
17:52You, it slowly builds to a place where it becomes unmanageable. And it's because people are dismissing it all the way through. It's no big deal. It's no big deal. I have everything to be happy about. I have nothing to be anxious about. If we say these things to ourselves, at one point, then a small thing could throw us over the edge. So we might be managing life, and it's no big deal. And then something unexpected happens.
18:20And that then breaks us because we just were not addressing it. So intensity, frequency, duration, is it happening all day, every day for how long? And what's the rating here? So you want to address it? Yeah, if it's happening.
18:37You mentioned that anxiety could lead to mental, like different mental disorders. What are some of the things that it could lead to?
19:07It could lead to addictions. Those usually go together a lot, because it's so intolerable that we start to then smoke or drink or whatever it is that people do, shop, and then we have financial issues that could lead us into relationship issues. So it's...
19:23It's a ripple effect.
19:24It's a ripple effect. It can touch every corner of our life. And it could lead to physical health issues. It could lead to things like diabetes and cardiac issues and GI issues. So it's not and, and, and. I mean, I could go on and on.
19:43Right.
19:45And then the sleep could then affect, you know, so it's, it's this back and forth of mind and body, and then the psychosocial issues that then results in. And it just goes, it gets, it gets worse.
19:58Yeah, it's basically what we've been speaking about, how the mind and the body are interconnected. They're not two separate things. I mean, they both affect each other. So it makes sense. I know you don't have a lot of time left. And before we end the session, I just wanted to ask you what advice, like, you told us about the C, which is sleep, exercise and eat.
20:22Right? Okay, so I got that. For stress. And for anxiety, what to look for in terms of frequency and the duration and, and the intensity of it. Am I doing well?
20:33You are doing so well.
20:34I'm glad.
20:35What's some general advice for people who are just generally going through a tough time at this time of the year? You mentioned September. September is one of the toughest months of the year for a lot of people, especially in this region, because it's going back to work after a summer vacation. Kids are going back to school. People are flying back into the country. Targets are being set in different jobs that you need to meet before the end of the year. So it is a pretty stressful time. What is your advice just in general?
21:05I think the most important thing for me in the recent years is learning that while I was preparing for the big S's, I was not realizing that it was the small S's that were chipping away at me.
21:28And burnout was not a result of big things. I was actually worn out before I was burnt out. And so look for the small things you can change in your life.
21:48Ease the small annoyances and issues. Put systems in place for those small things that are annoyances so you actually have the resources to deal with the big things when they come. That's one thing.
22:09The second thing that I would say is that you've got to come at life with a level of discipline. I love this go with the flow, but no. You've got to go with scheduled, disciplined health activities. Things that feed you. If I go with the flow, I ain't gonna flow into the gym. It's not gonna happen.
22:39You've got to schedule in. You need a structure. A structure, a schedule. When am I gonna see my friends? When am I gonna exercise? When am I gonna do professional development? When am I gonna make sure that I am doing something I love? It's called hedonistic scheduling, but you've got to schedule it in.
23:01It's not going to happen. Life will spill over into your whole schedule and you will not have space for you. So it's going to be very important to put yourself in that schedule because it will get taken up by everything else.
23:16And I would say the third thing and the last thing is take tiny steps. Most of us think, I've been in my life actually, there were times when baby steps were too big. I don't have the energy for baby steps. Don't take baby steps. Take tiny steps towards your goal. It does matter.
23:42So sometimes people are like, well, what's me walking to my car parked far away gonna do for my health goals? Park far away. It's okay. Walk. It makes every step makes a difference. So look for the tiny shifts that you can make in your day that serve you.
24:06Because then you are feeling like I'm actually doing something for myself. You know, the research shows that even if you put one flower and you look at it for a few seconds a day throughout your day, you're walking and then you pause, you take a deep breath and you walk. Just that calms your nervous system.
24:29Those small things and you say, I did something for myself. I showed up for myself. And then the momentum builds. And that momentum is precisely what you need in order for big change to happen. So the tiny things do build momentum. Do not wait for the big energy to do the big things. It's never going to come. I promise. And motivation will never come. Motivation only comes when you start taking the tiny steps towards it.
24:55We really underestimate those little wins that we get throughout the day. You were just talking about walking to your car, feeling good about yourself that you walked, you know, you did some more steps today.
25:05I just took the steps instead of taking the elevator.
25:07Exactly. Yeah, the stairs. And that's also another good example. So we really underestimate those little wins, those little achievements. We always aim high. And that stresses us out even more. Like when we put a goal that is just unattainable and so far away. And so that stresses us out rather than achieving the little goals that I can actually, you know, get a sense of satisfaction from right now. So yeah, absolutely.
25:32And it will move you. Like people will say, I want to do one hour in the gym every day. But then they just wait for that energy to come inside of them to say, okay, I have enough energy now and enough motivation now and enough desire now to actually do it. It's never going to come.
25:47Exactly.
25:48It will never come.
25:49Exactly.
25:50Even people who have been diagnosed with diseases, and the doctor says it will save your life. If you start exercising, they don't do it. So you have to think about how much energy you actually need in order to make that change. So start with the small things.
26:06Yeah.
26:07And the energy will build.
26:08Yes, precisely. Dr. Salha, thank you so much. It was a pleasure having you and we'd love to welcome you back. That's it for today. I know your time is really tight, but thank you so much for joining us.
26:18Thank you. Thank you for having me.