For employees of the Deep State, conspiracies aren't just theories, they're fact. And keeping them a secret is a full-ti | dG1feWFyM3g2dHloM00
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00:00T-shirts! Get your T-shirts!
00:03And the White House is called the People's House,
00:05because in America, the government works for you.
00:08Bullshit!
00:10Listen up, kids. Everything they teach you in school is a lie.
00:14You want the truth?
00:15The world is controlled by shadowy elites and shape-shifting lizard people.
00:21Have you ever folded a one-dollar bill?
00:23Look, you can make it say boobs.
00:26What does it mean?
00:28Am I the only one who cares that the president is a robot?
00:32Wake up, sheeple. The evidence is right here.
00:35These sons of bitches got snipers trained on me for trying to tell you the truth.
00:40Ah, I love being right.
00:45Thank you. Take a flyer for a friend.
00:48Dad, what the fuck? Has retirement made you go completely insane?
00:53No, but the 5G radio waves in the air have,
00:56which you can read all about in my new manifesto available on Kindle.
01:01Oh, Jesus Christ. Don't listen to my father, kids.
01:03He gets his news from Facebook and Ambien.
01:06Ambien's a great drug. Really clarifies some things.
01:09Come on. I'm going to be late for work.
01:12Democracy is real. Have some keychains.
01:20Hey, Reagan, let's go to the mall and get a Wetzel's pretzel.
01:23I got those ones with the cheese inside the crust.
01:26Dad, I know retirement is tough,
01:28but there's more positive ways to get my attention than taking down the deep state.
01:33Besides, today I am finally getting that promotion.
01:37Imagine it, me ruling the office with an iron fist.
01:40I even programmed an iron fist.
01:43I've seen better.
01:44Oh, have you seen better?
01:49All right, that's pretty good.
01:51Yeah, that is pretty good, huh?
01:55Welcome to Cognito Inc.
01:57We are the company.
01:59We are the company.
02:00Good morning, Dr. Ridley.
02:02We are the company.
02:03Look, Dad, as long as you're living with me, we need to set some ground rules.
02:07First, no more vodka for breakfast.
02:09Oh, come on.
02:10You can't tell people that the government isn't real.
02:13But it's not.
02:14Dr. Ridley.
02:22You can't talk about shape-shifting reptiles.
02:25Good morning, Senator.
02:26Revenues and, uh...
02:29You can't tell people the weather is controlled by Gerald from accounting
02:34or that the Dow Jones is controlled by blood sacrifices.
02:37Shares of J.P. Morgan Chase up 14 points.
02:43Rules, rules, rules.
02:44When did this become such a boring place to work?
02:48Morning, Dr. Ridley.
02:50Hi, Steve.
02:51Hi, Steve.
02:52Fucking brown-noser.
02:53And most importantly, you absolutely cannot tell people
02:57that we are replacing the president with a robot, okay?
03:03Don't be so uptight.
03:05Uptight?
03:06You almost exposed the deep state because you wanted a ride to Wetzel's Pretzels.
03:10You're lucky I called the snipers off.
03:12Gary, no. No.
03:15No. Ha-ha. Save it for stand-up night, Gary.
03:19Shit, I'm late.
03:20Hey, intern guy, take my dad home.
03:22If he gives you any trouble, don't be afraid to lightly tase him.
03:25Do it. I fucking dare you.
03:27You know who I am?
03:28I'm Rand motherfucking Ridley, and I used to run this company.
03:31And soon, I will be running it.
03:35Nothing higher than a three.
03:37Later, Dad.
03:38Motherfucker.
03:45You