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Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Good afternoon everyone, I hope you checked your inboxes.
00:00:20Yeah, you better have checked your inboxes.
00:00:22Because we left a memo regarding mandatory overtime by all employees.
00:00:25All employees better be doing overtime.
00:00:27Because the company benefits from every employee who's doing overtime.
00:00:30The company benefits and so will you.
00:00:32And we benefit from every employee who does overtime.
00:00:35Absolutely.
00:00:36I know it's the end of the workday, but I'm sure you'll all be willing to stick around.
00:00:39Stick around.
00:00:40Overtime.
00:00:57It's the end of the workday, but I'm sure you'll all be willing to stick around.
00:01:02It's the end of the workday, but I'm sure you'll all be willing to stick around.
00:01:07It's the end of the workday, but I'm sure you'll all be willing to stick around.
00:01:12It's the end of the workday, but I'm sure you'll all be willing to stick around.
00:01:17It's the end of the workday, but I'm sure you'll all be willing to stick around.
00:01:22It's the end of the workday, but I'm sure you'll all be willing to stick around.
00:01:27It's the end of the workday, but I'm sure you'll all be willing to stick around.
00:01:32It's the end of the workday, but I'm sure you'll all be willing to stick around.
00:01:37It's the end of the workday, but I'm sure you'll all be willing to stick around.
00:01:42It's the end of the workday, but I'm sure you'll all be willing to stick around.
00:01:47It's the end of the workday, but I'm sure you'll all be willing to stick around.
00:01:51Ve le spiegate sopra giorni abbandonati Salvati a bordo sopra un circo di pirati
00:01:57Sfantiti, fastidi, masserie e falsi miti Tuona invisibile la danza dei banditi
00:02:08Tuona invisibile la danza dei banditi
00:02:14Tuona invisibile la danza dei banditi
00:02:21Tuona invisibile la danza dei banditi
00:02:24Tuona invisibile la danza dei banditi
00:02:27Tuona invisibile la danza dei banditi
00:02:51Ve le spiegate sopra giorni abbandonati
00:02:54Salvati a bordo sopra un circo di pirati
00:02:57Sfantiti, fastidi, masserie e falsi miti
00:03:00Tuona invisibile la danza dei banditi
00:03:04Tuona invisibile la danza dei banditi
00:03:07Tuona invisibile la danza dei banditi
00:03:12La danza dei banditi
00:03:15La danza dei banditi
00:03:24Guys, wait. I'm tingling.
00:03:26You know you can get a cream for that.
00:03:28No, I mean, it's my ex-girlfriend.
00:03:30Look, I'm telling you, cream does wonders for any problem.
00:03:32No, it's not that at all. It's just...
00:03:34I get this sort of tingling sensation whenever my ex-girlfriends are around.
00:03:37It's like a sort of sixth sense.
00:03:39Lisa must be around here somewhere.
00:03:41Lisa?
00:03:42Guys, why are you so mean to her?
00:03:44She was always really nice to me. She probably came to apologize.
00:03:46Look, you just don't understand how girls work, all right?
00:03:49Look, once you realize that girls are predisposed to extract valuable time, energy,
00:03:52and most importantly, money, you'll understand where me and Neil are coming from.
00:03:55You've never had a girlfriend, Matt.
00:03:57Look, with girls, you've got to be ruthless.
00:03:59Well, maybe Neil doesn't want to be ruthless.
00:04:01What? What are you talking about? Of course he does. It's his ex.
00:04:04Look, now just go stand over by the tree. This is man talk.
00:04:07Bye.
00:04:08Go.
00:04:15Yeah. Yeah, ruthless.
00:04:17Can't let Lisa see that I'm still single.
00:04:19Yeah, you've got to save your face. Hey, hey, you!
00:04:21Me?
00:04:22Yeah, yeah, you. Want to make 20 bucks?
00:04:24Sure.
00:04:33What's with him?
00:04:34Oh, he lost his circle privileges.
00:04:36Right. So, about the 20 bucks.
00:04:39Oh, great. All right, 20 bucks to pretend to be this guy's girlfriend.
00:04:42This guy?
00:04:43You've got to be kidding me.
00:04:45Girls have got to have standards.
00:04:47Oh, for crying out loud. What's the big deal?
00:04:49I mean, no one would believe that a girl like me was going out with a guy like you.
00:04:54Like, just to think that...
00:04:56All right, all right, 40 bucks.
00:04:57Okay.
00:04:58Okay.
00:05:00Neil, give her the 40.
00:05:04Come on, come on, don't be cheap. Nice lady.
00:05:07She's doing you a good favor here.
00:05:08All right, you good? You good? Now let's do this.
00:05:13Sorry about all this.
00:05:16Guys, wait for me.
00:05:20Lisa!
00:05:21Neil!
00:05:22How did you get in here?
00:05:24Hi, Lisa.
00:05:25Eric, don't break rank.
00:05:28I thought you changed the locks.
00:05:29No, you changed them.
00:05:30No, guys, I did it. And I did it.
00:05:32Yeah, that's what I thought.
00:05:34Yeah.
00:05:35Yeah? Well, your windows are still made of glass.
00:05:38Our slumlord landlord isn't going to fix that.
00:05:40Yeah, neither are you.
00:05:41Hush, Eric.
00:05:42What are you even doing here?
00:05:43I, uh, I was just...
00:05:45Yeah, neither are you.
00:05:46Hush, Eric.
00:05:47What are you even doing here?
00:05:48I, uh, came here for my stuff.
00:05:51Like what?
00:05:52Like, uh, my hammer.
00:05:55Hey.
00:05:56That's it, you're done, Lisa. I'm calling the cops.
00:05:58Oh, and my cell phone.
00:06:00Fine, just take it and get out of here, Lisa.
00:06:04Who is this, Neil?
00:06:06This is, uh, my new girlfriend, Abby.
00:06:08That's not my name.
00:06:11Abby.
00:06:13Hi.
00:06:14Well, that's cool.
00:06:15Because I have a new boyfriend.
00:06:17I doubt that, you crazy psycho bitch.
00:06:19Who?
00:06:20Uh, him.
00:06:22Huh? Me? Really?
00:06:24That's my roommate, Lisa.
00:06:26Uh, I really meant him.
00:06:28I doubt that, you crazy psycho bitch.
00:06:30That's my other roommate, Lisa. You're all for two here.
00:06:33I really meant him.
00:06:37Hi.
00:06:39This is my brand new boyfriend.
00:06:43Isn't he...
00:06:44Fucking gross.
00:06:45Rugged.
00:06:46Oh, yeah? Well, if you're her new boyfriend, what's her name?
00:06:48Lisa, don't say a word.
00:06:50Ugh.
00:06:51But, Eric, shut up.
00:06:53Well? Hmm?
00:06:54Ugh.
00:06:55Ha! See? I knew it.
00:06:57I was just happy she noticed me.
00:06:59I knew you weren't a boyfriend.
00:07:00How much did she pay you to do this?
00:07:02She gave me $40 to stay with her.
00:07:04Paying someone $40 to be their boyfriend?
00:07:06Well, that's low.
00:07:08Well, that's funny.
00:07:09Abby over here sure doesn't look like your girlfriend.
00:07:12Oh, yeah? How do you figure?
00:07:14Well, first of all, a girl has to have some standards.
00:07:17Look at her, and look at you.
00:07:20Like trying to fit a small, square peg into a round hole.
00:07:25And B, she doesn't smell like you.
00:07:28You were smelling me?
00:07:30That's it. $40 is not worth putting up with you freaks.
00:07:34Ha ha ha! Who's winning the limbo contest now?
00:07:39What?
00:07:41Just leave. Get going. Now.
00:07:45I'm not done with you, Neil.
00:07:47I'll be back for my stuff later.
00:07:49I doubt that, you crazy psycho bitch!
00:07:54What a waste of $40.
00:07:57I don't know. I think she wants you back.
00:07:59Why would you even say something like that?
00:08:01Yeah, seriously, Eric. Why would you curse that upon him?
00:08:03He's better off now than ever.
00:08:05She doesn't want me back. She just wants to make my life miserable.
00:08:08Come on, Neil. It's not so bad.
00:08:10Hey, uh-uh. I buy a good first slice.
00:08:14I hope you got meat lovers this time, Matt.
00:08:16Yeah, you would say that you do.
00:08:22What the hell are you still doing here?
00:08:24She also said I could take whatever I wanted.
00:08:26What? No. Get the hell out.
00:08:28Um, these are ours. Sorry.
00:08:32Um, that too. Thanks.
00:08:35Well, hold it, hold it.
00:08:40We're good to go. You can never be too sure with hobos.
00:08:46Jeez. At least she's been such a bitch since I broke up with her.
00:08:50I thought she broke up with you. Is that what she's been telling people?
00:08:53Forget about her, Neil.
00:08:55Let's not be too hasty, Matt.
00:08:57I mean, breakups are a delicate situation.
00:08:59Like those Russian fabric eggs.
00:09:01It's Fabergé.
00:09:03No, no, it's not. He dumped her.
00:09:05That egg is smashed. Move on.
00:09:07I think you should re-examine the situation.
00:09:09I mean, it's been like two days since you guys split.
00:09:12About that, yeah.
00:09:14Right, so there's some heated emotions getting in the way of everyone's thinking right now,
00:09:17and you should probably just talk to her.
00:09:19Nah, she just wants to move on.
00:09:21Get her goods and go. I mean, she broke in here.
00:09:24Rash, yes, but if you look past all the raw emotion,
00:09:27you might be able to see what you actually want from all this.
00:09:30Nah, I don't think so.
00:09:32Why did you guys even break up? You two were perfect together.
00:09:36She was... too loud.
00:09:38Tell me about it.
00:09:40No, I mean, in bed.
00:09:42What?
00:09:44I wanted to liven things up, so I told her to be louder.
00:09:47Get into it.
00:09:49And...
00:09:50She took it way too far, started yelling and screaming,
00:09:53you know, really getting into it.
00:09:55Wait, so that's why you used to crank your music?
00:09:57Funny I like those tunes.
00:09:59I'll never listen to Rock You Like a Hurricane the same way again.
00:10:02I told her to tone it down, but she said it was only getting better for her,
00:10:05the louder and angrier she got.
00:10:07That's when we started to fight.
00:10:09But before all that, don't you miss being with her?
00:10:12Well...
00:10:13Neil, don't listen to him. Look, you got your own boob tube right here.
00:10:16Yeah, I guess you're right.
00:10:18I mean, I hadn't been spending that much time with you guys while I was with Lisa.
00:10:20Nothing like pizza and TV, right?
00:10:22Yeah, two pizza pies coming right up.
00:10:23Wait, you got pie?
00:10:25No, you douchebag. It's not actually pie.
00:10:27I'm just calling it pizza pie, like the gangsters of old New York used to do.
00:10:30I've never heard of that before.
00:10:32Yeah, me neither. Does anyone still call it that?
00:10:35Does it matter? It's cool, unique.
00:10:38Uncommon, and with good reason.
00:10:40No way. A grinder is a hoagie, it's a footlong, they're all tasty sandwiches.
00:10:44I'm just saying, pizza pie? It doesn't sound that appetizing.
00:10:48Excuse me, I like a pizza, put some whipped cream and cheese on it,
00:10:52ooh, and some sprinkles, yum yum.
00:10:54Yeah, it's like cheesecake, just doesn't sound like you'd ever want to eat it.
00:10:57What do you have against cheesecake?
00:10:59Yeah.
00:11:00Listen to it. Cheese. Cake.
00:11:03Sounds like someone took some fresh gouda and threw it on some crust.
00:11:06I mean, I like cheese and all, but a big honkin' slab of thick gooey just never really tempted me.
00:11:12You do know it's not actually cheese?
00:11:14Well, I know that now, but when I was little, the name was all I had to go on.
00:11:18No, he's right.
00:11:20Bullshit.
00:11:22I'm just saying, a whole cake full of cheese, it sounds a little...
00:11:28What the hell is that?
00:11:30I can't really describe it.
00:11:31You still haven't.
00:11:33I boiled it down to an action.
00:11:34What the hell is that? That doesn't say shit to me.
00:11:37Yeah, it does, it's like, uh, too sweet.
00:11:40No, not at all.
00:11:42Yeah, no, it's like when you wipe your brow because it's hot, or you keel over because you're sick,
00:11:46going like, saying it's too sweet or something.
00:11:50What the heck, that's ridiculous.
00:11:52Well, that's what I did.
00:11:53Dude, no wonder Lisa broke up with you. You can't communicate your own fucking thoughts.
00:11:57Hey, that was a low blow. I broke up with her, remember? She's the crazy one.
00:12:01And don't you forget it. I just had to refocus your anger onto her.
00:12:04We're all friends here. Let's get to that TV.
00:12:08Where the hell is Howie? We can't watch TV without him.
00:12:11Did we lose it?
00:12:12Get his whistle.
00:12:17Got it.
00:12:19Come on.
00:12:20I hear him. Again.
00:12:29Found him.
00:12:30Oh, Howie, thank God.
00:12:41You okay?
00:12:42Oh, Howie, thank God.
00:12:50How could we ever lose you?
00:12:51Good thing we attached this locator to him, just in case.
00:12:52Oh, put this back, Eric.
00:12:53No, Eric.
00:12:54In its holder.
00:12:55If we lose that whistle, and then Howie again, we're screwed.
00:12:56Okay.
00:12:57Okay.
00:12:58Yeah, we'll be back to where we were before, Lisa.
00:12:59Remote-less.
00:13:00And thus TV-less.
00:13:01Remember when we broke a remote?
00:13:02Yeah.
00:13:03Yeah.
00:13:04Yeah.
00:13:05Yeah.
00:13:06Yeah.
00:13:07Yeah.
00:13:08Yeah.
00:13:09Yeah.
00:13:11And it says ghost house.
00:13:12Remember when we broke a remote and got stuck on the Spanish hung shopping network?
00:13:14Ah, sÃ, sÃ.
00:13:15Compré espanola todo el dÃa, dÃa a dÃa.
00:13:16If we take ouræ„› off TV it cooks everything.
00:13:17¿Le istuvo a mirar TV?
00:13:18Everything you're doing on TV, I've been doing it for ten years.
00:13:21¿Le istuvo a mirar TV?
00:13:22Vamanos, baby.
00:13:23I love you, Howie.
00:13:24Look how cute he is.
00:13:25So much better than that dog we wanted
00:13:26I know.
00:13:27I stole him when I broke up with Lisa.
00:13:28She got him when we were still together.
00:13:29Said she needed something size-wise in our life.
00:13:30Well, f*** her, I stole her near my house back the other day.
00:13:35in our life well fuck her I sold a remote right well anyway like we said
00:13:45good thing it's been a good addition to our family
00:13:47she's girls are complicated yeah the TV isn't
00:13:54maybe it is damn it now no I'll fix it yeah from the sound of it girls never
00:14:03seem to say what they're thinking it's like you need some sort of decoder ring
00:14:06to figure yeah oh you got it
00:14:12seem like a good kid I think you'll fit in just fine at the National Security
00:14:16Agency anyway is your first code to break did a girl write this it looks
00:14:27like a breakup note what yeah it looks like she's trying to break up possible
00:14:36about a supercomputer working on that one for four months I just read it no
00:14:42no you did much more than that you're good here try this one looks like she's
00:14:54avoiding sex tonight it's a common avoidance maneuver could we be so blind
00:14:59quickly come with me director what is the meaning of this the new guy he's a
00:15:08crypto analysis prodigy he can crack anything well is that so let's see if
00:15:15you can crack this it's a trick it has to be what do you mean a yes or no
00:15:26answer will lead to disaster this is a question not meant to be answered where
00:15:31did you get this my wife well that was weird yeah it was almost like the
00:15:40television is watching you okay after that I need something to drink I'll have
00:15:50an MD what oh come on Eric you lost at the nose game you're the last person to
00:15:55touch their nose after a request so you got to take a walk of shame what that's
00:15:59a stupid game who came up with that it's been passed down from generation to
00:16:02generation it's creation lost to the sands of time I think it started with
00:16:06Jesus and his Apostles you know who was heading into there an invaluable tool
00:16:09for lazy people with quick hands everywhere yeah you know Matt's got the
00:16:12quickest hands around all those years of solitary practice yep and now you're
00:16:15taking a walk but I'm not sorry Eric it's the rules I just got to know why
00:16:22the nose well I think if you stuck your finger up your ass because a few
00:16:26problems after multiple attempts yeah some other times for a twisted tootsie
00:16:29roll what wiki it is strange I guess I can understand it though your hand isn't
00:16:37normally near your face you got to be quick if you want to avoid being the
00:16:39last one yeah totally hey don't think we're gonna forget I'll have an MD yeah
00:16:51there's been a lot of weird stupid things that have been invented over time
00:16:53like this thing seriously who thinks this shit someone missing a finger I
00:16:58guess yeah but how does everyone even know about that I mean before the
00:17:01internet people were like dumb I don't know I guess people maybe did it at
00:17:06family gatherings in order to entertain each other and then they pass it on or
00:17:09something maybe they read it in the newspaper yeah but still how did that
00:17:13first person figure that out luck I'm not so sure I think one guy was just
00:17:18puffing on some wacky weed shoved his thumb between his fingers and figured
00:17:21out pulling his finger off I mean people like that are really into weird trippy
00:17:25shit like this yeah tell me about it I used to have this one friend who smoked
00:17:28a lot of dope and one day when he was at his usual Chinese buffet he thought he
00:17:31could understand what the workers were saying call me up and said I can learn
00:17:34Chinese by smoking weed from what turns out the workers are trying to learn
00:17:38Spanish my friend was a fluent Spanish translator huh people these days well
00:17:43whoever figured that it was probably related to this guy yeah that one's a
00:17:46classic wherever it came from at least I never knew about that one
00:17:51God not her again look just let that slut go sorry man I've just been
00:17:55thinking about her she's been acting really weird lately I mean I guess I can
00:17:59understand her breaking and entering but bringing that smelly hobo here just let
00:18:03it go all right and once you realize you're better off living the life of a
00:18:07bachelor be living the high life like me you'll be getting drinks served to you
00:18:11watch all sorts of great TV be one with don't say universe I was gonna say
00:18:16couch yeah I guess you're right I mean what do you think about her bringing
00:18:20that hobo in here I mean he could let some germs behind or something don't you
00:18:24think it's a little weird that she tried to make it seem like he was her
00:18:26boyfriend I don't know that was weird that we missed him the second time Eric
00:18:32where's that drink can't have pizza pie without a cold MD yeah it's coming you
00:18:41gonna answer that nope what if it's important what was important they'll
00:18:45call back you're not even gonna screen it and waste the time and I'm not gonna
00:18:49answer see problem solved no way dude there's only two of us here you can't do
00:19:00that besides you're closer can't deny that
00:19:05geez remind me never to call you if I ever go to prison hello hi Scott yeah
00:19:13we're all here no leases on the prowl I don't know I don't know I don't care
00:19:23yeah okay see what do you want he's on his way over what for yeah I don't know
00:19:31does he want to watch TV I don't know well when's he gonna be here I don't
00:19:35know what if Lisa sees him I don't care geez what do you know I'm fucking
00:19:40thirsty and someone owes me a drink Eric yeah it's coming but I found something
00:19:44though some sort of doll you mean one of your action figures hey those are
00:19:49collectible and no this is definitely a doll it looks like some kind of voodoo
00:19:53doll
00:19:56geez look at this thing Lisa must have left it here it's kind of like Neil why
00:20:03would you even start something like that yeah it does look like him you too Eric
00:20:07no really it looks just like you it's pretty beat up too what you know it
00:20:12looks like the arms have been stabbed oh my god and it looks like the head's
00:20:15been reattached can't be right here where the heart used to be is now a
00:20:19Twizzler well that's not that bad it's black licorice she is psychotic
00:20:24wonder if it works oh my god it's working it's gonna make him kiss his own
00:20:31ass no you schmucks I was just messing with you do you think that thing
00:20:35actually works oh it might have I mean remember that one day we had to reattach
00:20:39a decapitated head it's just like this voodoo doll you can't be serious oh wait
00:20:45that was a dream I had you dream about me it's okay Matt I dream about you guys
00:20:51too I don't dream about you guys wait what do you dream about just you know
00:20:56the three of us living together forever I love it here that's fucking creepy
00:21:00dude well you dream about his head being cut off I don't dream about any of you
00:21:06there there we weren't fighting there there Howie we're upsetting him I think
00:21:11he'll be okay he knows we're friends it's not a real person Eric I'm just
00:21:15making a point that Lisa's a crazy psycho bitch with voodoo needle dolls
00:21:18well by talking to the remote I luring him back to the couch the seductive
00:21:22calls of Howie it's TV that'll never do you wrong I'm sure she's just venting or
00:21:26something you know taking her anger out in non-harmful ways I'm sure she's hurt
00:21:30that you guys broke up she might even be trying to patch things up patch things
00:21:34up well like my head back to my torso Eric Lisa clearly wants this guy dead I
00:21:39don't know about that anger is her form of communication unconventional yeah but
00:21:45it's been consistent since the breakup what I see is that she's planning
00:21:49something bigger I keep thinking she can't handle this breakup the way I can
00:21:53I think I need to do something about this see there's a problem right there
00:21:57you're thinking about things we all know the cure for thinking don't we boys TV
00:22:03it happens here every Friday night yeah Ted over here is gonna help us out with
00:22:07this operation you ready Ted yeah let's do this come on all right they think
00:22:15it's some kind of game
00:22:24your character died flag Roth the wizard mage died and left right go go go
00:22:30everyone's free I don't have anything what do you want give me that what give
00:22:39me that dice that's a felony man oh my god you can't have them I need them okay
00:22:49coming downtown what coming downtown you're sick oh my god my mom's gonna
00:22:55kill me
00:23:00well that was interesting be bad man TV's been sucking recently seems like
00:23:07our society is degenerating into a populace that's only interested in lower
00:23:09and lower forms of entertainment that's perpetuating the devolution of our
00:23:13culture oh that was really sophisticated of you yeah right on the back of a
00:23:19cereal box Wow what kind of cereal do you eat
00:23:22philosophicals I was kidding you douchebag I have to disagree with you
00:23:29Matt I'm sure he's a douchebag I think he meant about the TV sucking Matt here
00:23:34let me show you the TV's not completely down the tubes careful with them soft
00:23:37hands there's got to be some quality stuff on here to watch I wouldn't doubt
00:23:41it TV's got all sorts of hidden gems you probably won't find much though most of
00:23:44it's pretty crappy I don't know Matt we've had some great times in here
00:23:47together do us proud Neil good luck balls balls balls we've got all sorts of
00:23:54balls big balls little balls yellow balls frizzy balls black balls blue balls
00:23:57ugly balls blue balls salty balls that I mentioned blue balls everyone loves balls
00:24:01have we got a deal for you buy a ball get a ball coming for a pair today at
00:24:06Big Al's Big Balls Emporium QED Wow betrayed by our own TV how did this be
00:24:15oh it's pretty simple I mean people are subjected to many forms of entertainment
00:24:18and all the new forms have to push the risque limits in order to garner the
00:24:22most attention it's a recipe for disaster no I mean about you being right
00:24:26you're almost never right especially about how your precious TV is losing its
00:24:29luster well you tend to look past and enjoy it for what it is I don't know
00:24:33guys there's still some good stuff out there like this hit new superhero show
00:24:37my internet blogging sites keep talking about it's better not be another one of
00:24:39your stupid Asian cartoons geez Matt it's called anime and no this isn't yeah
00:24:45good because I don't think I could take another five minutes of anime lines
00:24:48overexpressions and senseless emphasis what come on every anime is hello how
00:24:54are you doing well it's none of that yeah we'll see
00:24:57heads up nice catch wouldn't want to hurt your precious baby hey that's all
00:25:04of our babies okay so for Christ's sake
00:25:17hello hi yep mm-hmm right here
00:25:27it's Lisa Lisa it was a wrong number it was Lisa she's seriously gonna do this
00:25:46how about that show Eric no way I refuse to have my entertainment sphere be
00:25:50penetrated by this psycho either you settle this or I will maybe it's not
00:25:55even her see oh that is it Lisa you're being permanently disconnected oh man I
00:26:06always wanted to have a bitch in one line like that oh that settles that that
00:26:11was extreme hey she had it coming why do you always have to be the beaver in
00:26:16Neal's dam Matt you've been causing a lot of problems lately what do you come
00:26:21up with this stuff Eric I was actually pretty he never answers the first one
00:26:28just waiting it up there something else I swear to God
00:26:37Neil what no wait Lisa has my phone good call I'm proud of you just turned it
00:26:46off I hate when my dome is assaulted this is why girls are the root of all
00:26:50evil let's just get to that show maybe you should just talk to her she has been
00:26:55very forward Eric okay this is the college crew frat man with a stomach of
00:27:03infinite capacity
00:27:07blade with the power of social invisibility
00:27:13has a car lad who has a car and a maze oh with the power of telekinesis
00:27:28Wow what an awful show yeah why are any good superheroes made anymore
00:27:33because it can't be the classic superheroes like Batman please are you
00:27:36kidding me Batman come on it wasn't that bad I don't give me shit about Batman
00:27:40no he's not a real superhero he's got a lot of money oh he keeps a small boy in
00:27:44a cave ooh well that's true he did keep a small boy in a cave but he was a dark
00:27:48hero bound to service by the events of his childhood that's not even the
00:27:52fucking problem and he's basically Sherlock Holmes without the cool accent
00:27:55I'm gonna fight crime by being a detective yeah that's cool oh please
00:27:58who's your superhero spider-man the semen slinger spider-man it's kind of
00:28:03cool I guess at least he actually has superpowers Peter Parker's original
00:28:08conception was to make science cool and relate to other teenagers he was a high
00:28:11school student he dealt with everyday problems I could totally see that
00:28:14happening now originally Peter Parker was a jock with brains totally not
00:28:19happening at least Batman's a hero that you could go around saying with a little
00:28:22hard work and studying I could beat him someday you wouldn't spend the rest of
00:28:25your life looking for a radioactive beetle Batman couldn't even keep his
00:28:30villains under control it's a nice job security if you ask me what look a
00:28:34corporate entity such as Wayne Enterprises must have had a hand in
00:28:36sales such as security devices to shipping and construction making sure his
00:28:40villains weren't truly locked away forever Batman had a pretty good
00:28:42guarantee that Gotham would be facing some tough times ahead he'd be making profit
00:28:46repairing all the destruction caused by his publicly hated thorns meanwhile
00:28:49ensuring a positive life for Batman and a financial foothold for Wayne
00:28:52Enterprises so you're saying Batman actually expects his villains to escape
00:28:56totally if he's so technologically advanced how come each of his villains
00:28:59has escaped like a hundred times well I have to keep the cast of characters
00:29:02relatively contained people love seeing some of their favorite villains sure and
00:29:05Bruce Wayne profits from it all I mean if you're here is the almighty dollar
00:29:08then be money's your man well what about Superman guys he's always been my hero
00:29:13okay talk about the lame yeah totally come on man of steel truth justice in
00:29:18the American way the only real American way is Captain America it's in his
00:29:21fucking title Superman's way too damn powerful to be a good hero plus we
00:29:25should do what we do with all illegal aliens and throw them out of the country
00:29:28Superman's character is all about the social struggles of being different yeah
00:29:32but it looks great to the flight is Jack beyond belief oh yeah that's totally a
00:29:36social outcast and yet everything is such a huge struggle for his super
00:29:39strength to like he can stop a meteor from falling at 500 miles an hour but he
00:29:43has trouble lifting a fucking car it's like super strength is the ability to be
00:29:47just strong enough for a given task what a crock of shit yeah totally I kind
00:29:51of like your show Eric college kids don't really act like that yeah though I
00:29:58could use an MD I'll drive
00:30:01Woohoo! TV to myself!
00:30:05Eric, hold the fort. And if Lisa comes around again, call the cops.
00:30:08Geez, Duke, why you gotta keep bringing her up? You can never be too careful.
00:30:12No one hangs up on me!
00:30:14AHH! SHE'S STILL HERE!
00:30:17Shit, dude. What do we do? What do we do?
00:30:20Why didn't you feel her with your sense? I don't know.
00:30:22Shut up, Eric. You can't go out there now. Not while they're watching and waiting.
00:30:27Lisa, what do you want?
00:30:28Do you want me to say it in front of everyone? You know what I want!
00:30:34No, I don't. That's why I asked you.
00:30:37No, don't. Shh. She's not over here.
00:30:40I, uh, I think she saw you guys.
00:30:42Neil, just open the door!
00:30:44It's a trap!
00:30:45I'm alright, Neil. I'm alright. Open the door.
00:30:50I'm alright, Neil. Open the door. I just want to talk. I'm alright.
00:30:55Open the door. I'm alright. Neil, open the door. I just want to talk. I'm alright.
00:31:02Come on, please? Neil?
00:31:05No way, man! I've seen this shit before. Don't do it!
00:31:07Neil, just open the door. I just want to talk. I'm alright.
00:31:11She's serious. What if she just wants to talk?
00:31:12No way, man. It's just a lure. All praying animals have one.
00:31:15She's just trying to lull you into a false sense of security.
00:31:17Then she's going to put a fucking axe in your head.
00:31:19Come on, man. You don't need this. Let's go.
00:31:29Neil! Don't make a noise!
00:31:31I think I should go talk to her.
00:31:32No, no, no. Shh. You don't need to, alright?
00:31:35I don't think you should listen to him, Neil.
00:31:37Yeah? Listen to this.
00:31:41Hey there. I'm Steve, and this is Travels with Steve.
00:31:53On today's adventure, we're going to tell you all about beautiful Wistermass.
00:31:58Get out of here.
00:32:03She's like a zombie or something hanging around our door.
00:32:06No way. A zombie would be smarter. Better looking, too.
00:32:09Guys, zombies don't exist.
00:32:11Oh yeah? That's what the government wants you to think.
00:32:14Impossible.
00:32:14You know, Ignaz is a zombie's greatest ally. Knowledge, their worst enemy.
00:32:18So you're trying to tell us that the Walking Dead are real?
00:32:21Why wouldn't they be? I mean, think about it. There's hundreds of thousands of undiscovered
00:32:24plant and animal life out there in the world. What's to say the Walking Dead isn't one of them?
00:32:28Science. An organism that survives without the need for oxygen?
00:32:31Evolution at its finest.
00:32:32Animating a dead body?
00:32:34Shutting down a currently functioning one by attacking the central part of the brain.
00:32:37Restarting it as a shell of its former self using electrical impulses already hardwired in all of us.
00:32:42The craving for human flesh?
00:32:43A myth. A source of energy isn't needed by the virus.
00:32:46Though the hunt for living flesh is an unfortunate byproduct of it.
00:32:49No way. Zombies aren't threatening. I can power walk faster than them.
00:32:52Oh yeah? A zombie's power, unlike the mythical vampire or otherwise,
00:32:56is in its numbers, not the individual.
00:32:58Their tirelessness and their sheer volume is what makes them so terrifying.
00:33:01If you were confronted with one Zed, well, I'd hope you'd win, but
00:33:04now consider this entire block, or even this whole city, infested.
00:33:08What would you do? Where would you go?
00:33:10I, um, I'd go home. I live in the country.
00:33:14Okay. Now consider the psychological threat.
00:33:17What if your father, your mother, or even your best friend became infected?
00:33:21How would you kill that?
00:33:23The constant beating, banging, barraging on the door,
00:33:28disturbing you while you eat, sleep, or watch TV?
00:33:31Stop it! You're scaring me.
00:33:33There, there, Eric. I'm just trying to save you now while I can.
00:33:37I'll take your mind off it.
00:33:50The most terrifying thing is happening in your bed.
00:33:57In the shower.
00:33:59No matter where you run, you're going to be
00:34:03f***ed by fear.
00:34:07You're not that scared for a chick.
00:34:11Summer 2012.
00:34:14Tall ones cough and bottom ones ring, and the rest is marbles.
00:34:17They're not turtles, they're marbles.
00:34:19The giant crabs are everywhere! Everyone, run for your lives! Run!
00:34:26Maybe that slut Lisa is infected or something.
00:34:28She's the one with that cream I mentioned.
00:34:30Hey, that's not nice.
00:34:31Hey, I'm just saying, maybe she's some sort of demon zombie
00:34:33who craves pissing off her ex-boyfriend and his TV-watching friends!
00:34:36No, I mean calling her a... a slut.
00:34:41I don't think that's really nice of you.
00:34:42Sorry, dude, but it comes with the territory.
00:34:44I mean, she was the one who decided to go all uber-bitch.
00:34:46She can take her title with her.
00:34:48Neil, I'm sure you don't think calling her a...
00:34:51is right next girlfriend or not.
00:34:53I don't know. I think she slept with about 12 guys.
00:34:55I think. I never really asked her that.
00:34:58I guess that's kind of slutty if you care about that sort of thing.
00:35:01See? Total slut.
00:35:02It's not like she, I don't know, sucked 37 dicks or anything.
00:35:05Whoa, whoa, whoa. That's completely different.
00:35:07Come on, guys. This isn't right.
00:35:09What do you mean?
00:35:10You're saying that sucking 37 dicks isn't as slutty as sleeping with 12 guys?
00:35:13Totally not.
00:35:14No way.
00:35:14No way.
00:35:15Eric, 37 dicks or 12 guys, which is sluttier?
00:35:19I don't feel comfortable talking about this, guys.
00:35:21Come on, douchebag. Man up and answer the question.
00:35:23Well, I mean, sexual intercourse is something special shared between two lovers
00:35:29and it shouldn't be entered in too lightly.
00:35:31I think if a girl is just throwing herself around like that,
00:35:34well, then she's not a very good-willed girl.
00:35:37I can see what you mean.
00:35:39It's just, 37 dicks is a lot of dick.
00:35:43I don't think the term slut should be thrown around like a nickname.
00:35:46You think slut? You think sex.
00:35:4712 guys? Total slut.
00:35:49This is like, what, 21, 22?
00:35:5123!
00:35:52Right, 23.
00:35:53So let's say she gets her first lay when she's 18.
00:35:55That's like three guys per year.
00:35:56Total slut.
00:35:57Well, by that method, let's say she was a teeny bopper
00:35:59and started experimenting when she was 15.
00:36:01With 37 dicks, that's five d per y.
00:36:04D per y?
00:36:04Yeah, d per y. Dicks per year.
00:36:06Huh.
00:36:07That's not even considering her relationship spans.
00:36:09Even if she wasn't sucking other dick during relationships,
00:36:12an average relationship span of, say, six months,
00:36:15the frequency of dicks has to go up when she's single
00:36:17in order to maintain that five d per y.
00:36:21Wow. I feel awful when I think of it like that.
00:36:25At least I never did anything like that, though.
00:36:26I was just saying that to prove my point.
00:36:28That was a mouthful.
00:36:31You guys are awful saying things like that.
00:36:34Man, that is a lot of dick.
00:36:35I'm gonna have to rethink this one.
00:36:37Man, I could use a drink.
00:36:41Yeah, me too.
00:36:44What are you doing not getting my drink?
00:36:47Yeah, but you start with your hand on your nose.
00:36:49That's the game.
00:36:50No, that's total disqualification.
00:36:52You can't start with your finger on your nose.
00:36:53What? Why?
00:36:55Because then you could just never have to get your own stuff.
00:36:57You get an advantage being the asker, but that's it.
00:36:59Sorry, dude.
00:37:00I'll have an MD.
00:37:02What?
00:37:02Punishment for your crime against humanity.
00:37:05Humanity?
00:37:06Gonna make an example out of this one.
00:37:07Sorry, Eric.
00:37:08You know, Matt, it seems like I'm always getting you a drink.
00:37:11But someday, somebody else is gonna get mine.
00:37:15Gotta pick your battles, man.
00:37:25Hey!
00:37:26Hey, nothing.
00:37:27No, really. I think Lisa's gone.
00:37:29Again? Maybe it's for good this time.
00:37:33She can't really be gone.
00:37:34Why don't you go check?
00:37:36I can't.
00:37:37Why not?
00:37:38She might do something dumb.
00:37:39You saw the voodoo doll.
00:37:41Maybe you're overthinking the situation.
00:37:43Your fear seems out of place.
00:37:44I don't want to get my head cut off.
00:37:46Look, Neil.
00:37:47You want her gone, but you're concerned that she is.
00:37:50Why don't you reassess the situation and then talk to her?
00:37:52Neil, don't listen to this douchebag.
00:37:54Alright, we've had so much fun today, just kicking back and watching TV.
00:37:56It's like I said, girls are high maintenance and dangerous no matter who they are.
00:37:59It's for the better.
00:38:00Yeah, but-
00:38:01Yeah, but you can work, come home, and watch TV.
00:38:03We can make fun of Eric together.
00:38:04It's worked for me and life is great.
00:38:06Yeah, but don't you want more?
00:38:08Hell no.
00:38:09I know to go and get more just leads you down a troublesome trail.
00:38:11I'd rather stick with what works.
00:38:13Look, you tried to track down the love life path, and now you're shitting bricks because of it.
00:38:16So you know what?
00:38:17Come back to the couch.
00:38:18Your seat's getting cold.
00:38:20Neil, just-
00:38:20Neil, just check.
00:38:21Lisa's been at this for some time now.
00:38:23Give her a chance.
00:38:24Trust me, there might still be some electricity left in this one.
00:38:28I think I'm gonna listen to Eric on this from Matt, alright?
00:38:30It'll only be a minute.
00:38:33I'm telling you, dude.
00:38:33Security surrounds this couch.
00:38:35I know it for certain.
00:38:36See you in a bit.
00:38:39I'll wait here.
00:38:50I'll be right back.
00:39:15Lisa!
00:39:15Neil!
00:39:16What the hell are you doing?
00:39:17You weren't gonna cut that cord, were you?
00:39:19Am I not?
00:39:20You're powering our TV.
00:39:21Oh, of course.
00:39:22Your precious TV.
00:39:23Jeez, Neil, you've really taken a turn for the worse without me.
00:39:26What the hell is wrong with you?
00:39:28You've still got some of my stuff.
00:39:30I was getting to that.
00:39:32You'll get it.
00:39:32I just want to be alone.
00:39:33We are alone.
00:39:35That's not what I meant.
00:39:36We want to watch TV in peace.
00:39:38Is that it?
00:39:39Is that what you're going to do with yourself?
00:39:40Just get a decent job and sit and settle?
00:39:43I want more.
00:39:44You should know what my ambitions are.
00:39:45Then get more.
00:39:46It's not gonna come to you in some song and dance.
00:39:49And those buffoons in there aren't going to help you.
00:39:52Well, Matt isn't at least.
00:39:54Those are my friends in there.
00:39:56Well, you have to understand that there comes a time in life
00:39:59where you have to start making decisions for yourself.
00:40:01What choice are you gonna make?
00:40:03You're not gonna make me do this, are you?
00:40:04Dammit, Neil, if not now, then when?
00:40:07Well, I'm certainly not gonna choose you.
00:40:08You're crazy.
00:40:09That wasn't the option.
00:40:10We're over, remember?
00:40:12Yeah, good thing too.
00:40:13You say that like it was some sort of prison sentence.
00:40:15Well, I sure as hell feel free now.
00:40:17Dammit, Neil, why are you siding with them?
00:40:19I didn't even say anything about them.
00:40:21You didn't have to.
00:40:22I came out here to talk to you.
00:40:23No, you came out here to save your precious TV time.
00:40:26What, are you just watching the Spanish shopping channel again?
00:40:30No, uh, we got a long stick.
00:40:33Well, I'm not leaving until I get what's mine.
00:40:36I know you're keeping them.
00:40:38We want you to leave.
00:40:39Why are you being such a bitch?
00:40:41Me?
00:40:42Didn't Matt send you down here to get rid of me?
00:40:45No, I came out here on my own.
00:40:47Liar.
00:40:48You can't make a decision for yourself, Neil.
00:40:50You've got to have someone lead you around,
00:40:53or you'll just hang around and venge.
00:40:56Hell, you've got a poor reason for hanging around here.
00:40:59Dammit, I thought this was going to resolve something.
00:41:01Just give me my stuff and we'll solve this issue.
00:41:04You're so damn possessive.
00:41:05Don't just walk away from me.
00:41:06What do you want me to do?
00:41:08Want your stuff?
00:41:08You've already taken everything else that's mine.
00:41:10Isn't that good enough for you?
00:41:11No, not at all.
00:41:13What do you even want them for anyway?
00:41:16You just want an excuse to stay here, don't you?
00:41:18Yeah, you wish.
00:41:19You're just trying to get me to lead through reverse psychology.
00:41:22Well, it's not going to work.
00:41:24What did I ever see in you?
00:41:25Don't sell a relationship so short.
00:41:27You couldn't enjoy it for what it was worth, remember?
00:41:31Be louder.
00:41:33Yeah, you certainly took a liking to that, didn't you?
00:41:34God, you're an asshole.
00:41:36That is really rubbing off on you.
00:41:38Yeah, well, you're crazy.
00:41:40I told you, don't just walk away from me.
00:41:43Watch me.
00:41:44Go to hell!
00:41:49So, what do you think?
00:41:50Is it going to work out?
00:41:51I think I should get mad at the drink.
00:41:52Told you, dude.
00:41:53Total bitch, huh?
00:41:55Neil, don't give up on her yet.
00:41:56I've been trying to pass things up, Eric.
00:41:58You're a fool.
00:41:59You're just overly concerned with what everyone else thinks of her.
00:42:02She can't hate you.
00:42:03She's doing everything in her power to bug the hell out of us.
00:42:06She keeps a massacre doll of me.
00:42:08She must really hate me.
00:42:15Welcome back.
00:42:15Welcome back, dude.
00:42:17Damn it, man.
00:42:18Hey, I told you, stability.
00:42:20I can assure you that she'll never treat you wrong.
00:42:22I don't know.
00:42:22I just, I can't help the feeling that Lisa's plotting something bigger.
00:42:26It's not like she's going to blow up the apartment with her brain or anything.
00:42:28I guess so.
00:42:30What do you think Eric's on to, anyway?
00:42:31Yeah, probably just some Asian love-hate theory of his.
00:42:34Like those animes he watches.
00:42:36Oh, look, here comes the matchmaker now.
00:42:39How do they make it so green?
00:42:41What?
00:42:42Your drink.
00:42:43How do they make it so green?
00:42:44Your drink.
00:42:45How do they make it so green?
00:42:46It's like the ooze from Ninja Turtles.
00:42:49You know, I always thought drinking MD would make me a turtle.
00:42:54A turtle.
00:42:56Not a martial artist.
00:42:57A turtle.
00:42:58Yeah, I think you'd be evolving the wrong way if you turned into a turtle.
00:43:01Well, then again, for you, that might be an improvement.
00:43:03Did you guys know that the creators of the turtles took cheese graters
00:43:06and they put them on their hand and swung it around?
00:43:08And that's how they came up with the idea for Shredder.
00:43:11Is that what your blogs tell you?
00:43:13Wiki.
00:43:13Oh, right, my second guess.
00:43:15You live on those websites, Eric, and yet you stay culturally ignorant and socially dense.
00:43:19Huh?
00:43:20Wonder who went into a fight between the Power Rangers and the Ninja Turtles.
00:43:23Rangers.
00:43:25I'm just surprised you know who the Power Rangers are.
00:43:27Well, it did start out as a Japanese show called Super Sentai Series.
00:43:30That's right.
00:43:31You're an Asian kid stuck in an American body.
00:43:33How could I forget?
00:43:34You're such an Asia-erican.
00:43:35What?
00:43:36Asia-erican.
00:43:37An American kid so enveloped in Asian culture that he forgets his own roots.
00:43:40It's people like you that allow the teriyaki flood to come rushing into our country.
00:43:44From food to fashion to entertainment.
00:43:46What, is America not good enough for you?
00:43:48You don't like our cheeseburgers and our fast cars?
00:43:50That's a bit harsh, Matt.
00:43:52That wouldn't be a fair fight anyway.
00:43:53I mean, there's only four turtles and five Power Rangers.
00:43:56No, it'd still be a fair fight.
00:43:57They got two girls, but it's basically one dude.
00:43:59Turtles would still win.
00:44:01No way, dude.
00:44:01The Rangers are way better.
00:44:02Dude, they're basically just different nationalities wearing different colored spandex
00:44:06and talking to a giant fucking floating head.
00:44:08Oh, because talking to a giant rat is cooler than that.
00:44:10Hey, a genetically altered rat who knows martial arts.
00:44:12You can't beat that.
00:44:13They are better trained and more hardcore than the Rainbow Crew.
00:44:16What about the Megazord?
00:44:17All right, look.
00:44:18Every Power Rangers episode is the same damn formula.
00:44:21One, there's a normal human problem.
00:44:22Billy's got homework.
00:44:23Or Kimberly chipped a nail.
00:44:24Oh no!
00:44:25Whatever.
00:44:26Two, some big beastie comes down from outer space and gets fought by the Power Rangers.
00:44:29Three, the creature gets fucking gigantic.
00:44:31Four, the Rangers call out the Megazord and they go all Godzilla on the city,
00:44:34causing millions in structural and collateral damage.
00:44:37And five, they finally get around to beating the monster
00:44:39and somehow manage to translate their success
00:44:41back to the problem at the beginning of the episode.
00:44:43Why do they always repeat?
00:44:44There's no way they could beat the better trained turtles.
00:44:46Well, the pattern is because The American Show
00:44:48is comprised of footage from the original Japanese series.
00:44:51No, he's right.
00:44:52Bullshit.
00:44:53No, really.
00:44:53Go back and watch the show.
00:44:54They were smart to use helmets to conceal the actors.
00:44:56The American Show just cannibalized the footage from the Japanese one.
00:44:59Going all Godzilla was just a result of the Japanese audiences
00:45:02loving that man in a rubber suit type stuff.
00:45:04The Yellow Ranger was originally a dude in Japan.
00:45:06That's why she didn't wear a skirt.
00:45:08Whatever, they still couldn't beat the turtles.
00:45:10But they had the Megazord.
00:45:11Oh, so you're assuming they can use everything at their disposal?
00:45:13Of course they'd fucking win.
00:45:14They'd fucking stomp the turtles with a huge fucking robot.
00:45:17Turtles had a blimp?
00:45:18Shut up, Eric.
00:45:19It'd be like pitting a meat-covered baby against a pit bull.
00:45:23So they would win.
00:45:25Shut up, Eric.
00:45:26Get my pocket knife out here.
00:45:29What the?
00:45:30What the hell?
00:45:31No, that's a midget knife.
00:45:32Yeah, that's a knife.
00:45:34And dude, it's a tower.
00:45:36Seriously, a tower.
00:45:37You don't see that every day.
00:45:39A tower.
00:45:41A medieval tower.
00:45:42Can you imagine this with cannons and knights and shit?
00:45:45Wow, wow.
00:45:47Jesus Christ, how'd you ever become a doctor?
00:45:51Little boys in your veins.
00:45:52Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:45:55Fight to fight.
00:45:56I'll fight to fight.
00:45:57Yeah, I live for nothing.
00:45:58I die for creed.
00:45:59Creed, ah!
00:46:01I gave you an Oscar-winning performance last time,
00:46:04and now you come around, chase me with a camera.
00:46:06Now I know what it feels like.
00:46:07The paparazzi chase you around because you're so damn popular.
00:46:11This is Excel.
00:46:13Yo, yo, yo.
00:46:14My main man, Luke, here, sporting a 1960 pre-Cold War short stack.
00:46:18He's been suffering with his crude cue for some time.
00:46:21Watch what happens when we take his limb blocker and turn it into a pimp blocker.
00:46:26Oh, shit.
00:46:27Is that my lock?
00:46:28No, that...
00:46:29Is that my lock?
00:46:30Is that my...
00:46:31That is my locket.
00:46:32Oh, shit.
00:46:33Oh, my God.
00:46:34You got...
00:46:34Oh, mother...
00:46:36Man, it's so...
00:46:37Check out the spinners.
00:46:39The spinners.
00:46:41Oh, my God.
00:46:42Oh, shit.
00:46:43Oh, oh, shit.
00:46:44Yeah, yeah!
00:46:47Oh, yeah.
00:46:48Oh, my God.
00:46:49Oh, man, it's so beautiful.
00:46:50I just want to rub up against it.
00:46:53Oh, it's...
00:46:53Oh, it's amazing.
00:46:55It's so...
00:46:56Jeez.
00:46:56Oh, my God.
00:46:57Oh, my God.
00:46:58Oh, the honeys are gonna be wanting to put their books in my locker.
00:47:02Oh, oh, yeah.
00:47:03Oh, shit.
00:47:03Oh, yeah!
00:47:05It's the only way I can get through today.
00:47:18Jeez, man, don't drop it on us.
00:47:20Yeah, what are you doing?
00:47:22I'm trying to see if Lisa's still here.
00:47:23Why?
00:47:26Anything?
00:47:26No.
00:47:28She must really be gone.
00:47:30I didn't want to embarrass you, Neil, but now I really don't care.
00:47:34I want my bras back.
00:47:36Guys, do you know what this means?
00:47:37To finally have the support you always dreamed of.
00:47:40No, that I can't sense her anymore.
00:47:42She must be getting around it somehow.
00:47:45Maybe you don't sense your ex-girlfriends,
00:47:48but you only sense people who think of you as an ex-boyfriend,
00:47:51which would mean if she's starting to like you again, you can't sense her.
00:47:56That's ridiculous.
00:47:57Get off the couch, Eric.
00:47:59But...
00:47:59No, no.
00:48:00No more ridiculous ideas.
00:48:02I don't know, guys.
00:48:03I think I'm onto something.
00:48:05If she's thinking of you as a boyfriend and all the mushy stuff that comes along with that,
00:48:08it could definitely explain why you can't sense her.
00:48:11It'd be like if she doesn't kill me,
00:48:13let alone while thinking of me as a boyfriend when she doesn't.
00:48:15Oh, God, this is divine.
00:48:17TV is so much nicer with luxury seating.
00:48:19You guys are so lame!
00:48:21All you do is watch TV!
00:48:23Neil, I'm leaving!
00:48:24Sure this time?
00:48:25Is she really going?
00:48:27This could be it, Neil.
00:48:28She might really be leaving.
00:48:30Who cares?
00:48:33Seriously, you gotta just chill out, man.
00:48:35Come on.
00:48:36Just relax.
00:48:37Be happy for once.
00:48:43Uh-oh.
00:48:43Shit!
00:48:47She's coming in.
00:48:49Do something.
00:48:50What do you want me to do?
00:48:51Lock the door.
00:48:51It is locked!
00:48:52Grayson!
00:48:53Come on, Eric!
00:48:57Help!
00:48:58I don't want to impede their luck!
00:48:59Eric!
00:49:01I thought you said this was locked!
00:49:02I thought it was locked!
00:49:03Guys, it is locked!
00:49:05I locked it!
00:49:06The door is clearly not locked!
00:49:09Fucking door!
00:49:10Fucking slumlord!
00:49:14Damn it, Lisa!
00:49:14Just go away!
00:49:15You guys, it's just me!
00:49:16Scott?
00:49:20Jeez, what the hell was that about?
00:49:22Sorry, I forgot you were coming.
00:49:23Why didn't you call?
00:49:23I did call.
00:49:24You weren't picking up your phone.
00:49:25I mean, we even called the house phone, too.
00:49:27We?
00:49:28Oh, great.
00:49:28That's it.
00:49:29I'm done.
00:49:30What's wrong, Matt?
00:49:31Shannon?
00:49:32Yeah, we had the double date tonight, remember?
00:49:34What's with the security?
00:49:36Lisa's got a bee in her bonnet.
00:49:38A bee in her bonnet?
00:49:40Yeah, like she's pissed off.
00:49:41Oh, why didn't you just say that?
00:49:44What did you do to her?
00:49:46Me?
00:49:46I didn't do anything.
00:49:48Well, you must have.
00:49:49Otherwise, she wouldn't be mad.
00:49:50Why do you have to say it like that?
00:49:52Because if you didn't start something or just listen to her,
00:49:55then she wouldn't be flipping out right now.
00:49:57She's crazy.
00:49:57Why would I-
00:49:58Dude, no.
00:49:59Don't.
00:50:00Sometimes it's just easier.
00:50:03Good boy.
00:50:05Now, shall we?
00:50:06I don't want to be a third wheel.
00:50:07I'm fine just watching TV.
00:50:09Come on, we have tickets already.
00:50:11Why don't you just beg Lisa for her forgiveness
00:50:13and smooth it over with some flowers and chocolate?
00:50:16Yeah, this can still work out.
00:50:18Um, you know what, Shannon?
00:50:19Maybe we can cancel tonight.
00:50:21I mean, there are other things we can do.
00:50:22No, no.
00:50:23We're not just going to-
00:50:27It's been like this all day, Eric?
00:50:30Yep.
00:50:30It's not so bad.
00:50:31I just think Lisa and Neil aren't completely over.
00:50:34Wait, they broke up?
00:50:36Supposedly.
00:50:37I think that right now,
00:50:39they're more concerned with what each other thinks of the other.
00:50:43What?
00:50:44Neil thinks Lisa wants to kill him.
00:50:47Oh.
00:50:48Would she?
00:50:50I think she still loves him.
00:50:51But Matt would say otherwise.
00:50:53Not, huh?
00:51:01Where the fuck are those guns?
00:51:06Here you go, Shannon.
00:51:17I lost your couch privileges, huh?
00:51:23Yeah.
00:51:25You, uh, do know there were chairs here, right?
00:51:28We can't use those.
00:51:29That would break with tradition.
00:51:35So, this is it?
00:51:38Listen, I don't know how you slipped past our defenses,
00:51:40but you should be on some double trouble date with Neil and Lisa.
00:51:43But you screwed that up and now you're sitting here with us.
00:51:45Enjoy the privilege.
00:51:46Wow, I didn't mean to offend your child, Matt.
00:51:49I just wanted to shed a little light on this matter of obsession
00:51:52and not a light coming from a box.
00:51:53No, you just wanted us to know that you're against our TV-watching ways.
00:51:56What's so wrong with this?
00:51:57What do you got here?
00:51:58Pizza pie.
00:51:59It's for a TV-watching experience.
00:52:00You want some?
00:52:01No, thanks.
00:52:02I was talking to Scott.
00:52:04So, Neil, don't you think you should see what Lisa's doing?
00:52:07He's fine right here, watching some top-notch programming.
00:52:10I was talking to Neil.
00:52:11Oh, I really don't think it's such a good idea.
00:52:13Besides, Matt says this is for the best.
00:52:15Well, Matt also thinks that toasted bread has fewer calories.
00:52:19The toaster burned some of them away.
00:52:20This is what I'm trying to say.
00:52:22That toasted bread has fewer calories?
00:52:25No, that Neil shouldn't be led around by Matt.
00:52:27I'm not leading him around.
00:52:28Oh, yeah?
00:52:29Well, then why doesn't Neil try getting back together with her?
00:52:32She told me things were really heating up between you two.
00:52:34Yeah, I bet they were heating up.
00:52:35What is that supposed to mean?
00:52:36Look, girls think every relationship is some kind of firework show.
00:52:38Like, every love is supposed to be a set of rose petal trails and palms.
00:52:42It's a fabrication by the media,
00:52:43depicting a world of rainbows and lollipops.
00:52:45Making it real tough on guys everywhere.
00:52:47Sometimes guys just want to hang out with guys,
00:52:49kick it back, shoot the shit.
00:52:50What is so wrong with that?
00:52:51If guys worked a little harder at what they claim to love,
00:52:54then there wouldn't be trouble in love land.
00:52:57Guys are too preoccupied with what their next meal is
00:53:00or when the next TV show is on to give a damn at a relationship.
00:53:03Hey!
00:53:04Is that my Scott?
00:53:06That's because Scott is whipped beyond belief.
00:53:08No, he's not.
00:53:09He totally is.
00:53:10You got him whipped to be the boy you want him to be.
00:53:12Matt, you're just jealous.
00:53:16Yeah.
00:53:17Yeah, sure. I want to be dressed like Scott.
00:53:18I read your book the other day, by the way.
00:53:19The Whipping Boy.
00:53:21You don't read books, Matt.
00:53:23Good one, Eric.
00:53:24Scott, tell him you're not whipped.
00:53:26Scott!
00:53:28Tell him!
00:53:29I'm not whipped!
00:53:31See?
00:53:32Wow.
00:53:33Yeah, you proved me wrong.
00:53:35That was kind of gross.
00:53:38What?
00:53:38You just bent over backwards for us, Scott.
00:53:41I thought you were going to put up a struggle or something, but
00:53:44you snapped like a twig bridge.
00:53:46Oh, I did not bend for her.
00:53:48Dude, you totally did.
00:53:50No, he didn't.
00:53:52Scott, stand up for yourself.
00:53:54I didn't, guys.
00:53:56Jeez, Scott.
00:53:58Stop.
00:53:59I'm sorry you have to see this, Eric.
00:54:01This is not a good model for a grown boy.
00:54:03Matt, you are something else.
00:54:05You think that you're the ringleader now that Neil is out of a girlfriend.
00:54:08Well, he didn't make her flip out.
00:54:10Yeah, well, he might as well have.
00:54:12Matt's sense of being in a relationship is that he's made out with a couple of M.D.
00:54:15more times than he needs to.
00:54:17You have no-
00:54:18Me what?
00:54:20It's sort of unsettling knowing that this couch has seen more ass than you ever will.
00:54:27You have no idea what you're talking about.
00:54:28Oh, no?
00:54:29Have I struck a nerve with you, Matt?
00:54:32I just want you to get a little taste of your own medicine.
00:54:34Jeez, Scott, you're good, man.
00:54:35Shut up, Eric.
00:54:36Oh, that's original.
00:54:38Pick on a little guy to boost yourself up.
00:54:40Are you done yet?
00:54:41Do you like it?
00:54:44Like what?
00:54:44The satisfaction of making other people's lives feel broken and imperfect,
00:54:49thus completing your own.
00:54:53Come on, Shannon.
00:54:53No.
00:54:54I just think we've had these tickets forever,
00:54:57and Matt's gone and ruined Neil's relationship for his own satisfaction.
00:55:01I didn't ruin anything.
00:55:03Well, you did tell him to start trying to lead his life without Lisa.
00:55:05I didn't make the decision for him.
00:55:07But you had a big influence.
00:55:08I'm just trying to bring that to light.
00:55:10That's what I've been hearing.
00:55:11But Matt over here is too deaf and dumb to take it to heart.
00:55:15Yeah, if I thought what you said made any sort of sense, I wouldn't do this.
00:55:18Do what?
00:55:19Now, you see, what we have here is the beautiful Worcester skyline,
00:55:22covered in trees.
00:55:23But thanks to the saving grace of the Asian longhorn beetle,
00:55:25these god-awful obstructions will soon be gone.
00:55:28Forever.
00:55:29Come on, get out of here.
00:55:30I'm working on that damn thing.
00:55:33Anthony, you got the lowest score on the test.
00:55:35I'm afraid you'll never be a doctor.
00:55:38Wow!
00:55:40Okay, okay, I'll give you your diploma.
00:55:42You wouldn't have a hot damn camera.
00:55:44Captain freaking video.
00:55:47All right, are you done now?
00:55:49Yo, this ain't your grandmama's show.
00:55:51It's Dope TV.
00:55:52Just call up and we'll do sh**.
00:55:541-800-DOPE-TV.
00:55:57What, that's not enough numbers?
00:55:59Put a pound sign in there.
00:56:01Anywhere.
00:56:02We'll figure it out.
00:56:04Dope TV!
00:56:06Hmm.
00:56:07Now's my chance.
00:56:09Scott and Shannon have never played this before.
00:56:12They won't know what hit them.
00:56:13Oh, what if I don't make it?
00:56:15I will.
00:56:16Let's do it.
00:56:18I sure could use a drink.
00:56:37What?
00:56:38How?
00:56:39Take the walk, Eric.
00:56:40I'm sorry, Eric.
00:56:41You know you don't have to do this.
00:56:44Matt says it's the rules.
00:56:45I was the last one to touch my nose.
00:56:47Matt also says that dogs roll around in dirt for minerals.
00:56:51Really?
00:56:51Well then how do they get such nice shiny coats then?
00:56:54The point is you don't have to be listening to him.
00:56:58Yeah, maybe.
00:56:59But this is how it is.
00:57:03I'm not listening to you.
00:57:04I'm not listening to you.
00:57:05Alright.
00:57:09See? I didn't make that choice for him.
00:57:11Well, you could have influenced him to make the right decision.
00:57:14What is right, anyway?
00:57:15He's got you there.
00:57:16Scott, don't team up with him.
00:57:19Neil, haven't you had enough of this?
00:57:21I don't think this situation is improving.
00:57:23Why aren't you listening to Eric?
00:57:25Eric?
00:57:26I tried and it just stirred up some old flames.
00:57:28Maybe I don't think Lisa's ever going to change.
00:57:31Besides, what's wrong with all this?
00:57:32This?
00:57:33This slump of mindlessness?
00:57:35Hey, watch it, alright?
00:57:36You're treading on thin ice.
00:57:37This is my sphere of entertainment you're talking about.
00:57:39Sphere of entertainment?
00:57:40Don't make it sound so regal.
00:57:42This place has been tuned to perform at its peak level.
00:57:44You blocked the windows with posters.
00:57:47Well, there is a nasty glare without them.
00:57:49You have a giant-ass remote that you talk to.
00:57:50Hey, whoa!
00:57:51Don't talk about Howie that way.
00:57:52Yeah, he's family.
00:57:53I'm just saying that this sphere isn't offering an environment to grow.
00:57:58Come on, Shannon.
00:57:58This is kind of nice, you know?
00:57:59It's quiet, quaint.
00:58:01I mean, we don't really sit around like this that often.
00:58:03We're always doing stuff.
00:58:06Right.
00:58:06This is why I don't let you watch TV.
00:58:08It sucks you in.
00:58:09That's why I don't let you go back to Lisa.
00:58:11See? You are holding him back.
00:58:12She's just going to continue to hate and hurt until she gets her stuff back.
00:58:15Then why don't you just give it all back then?
00:58:17Yeah, lure her back here and just smack her.
00:58:19You want me to go to jail, dude?
00:58:20Hey, just don't call me, remember?
00:58:21Matt, you're terrible.
00:58:23I mean, aren't there equal rights nowadays?
00:58:25Oh, you would say that in a cave, man.
00:58:27Hey, just saying.
00:58:29Well, you shouldn't.
00:58:31Say something, Scott.
00:58:33Uh, yeah.
00:58:34Yeah, Matt, don't say such things.
00:58:39I'm just saying.
00:58:40If I had to deal with someone like Lisa,
00:58:41I could take a smack every now and then when they're out of line.
00:58:44Equal rights means equal opportunity to defend oneself.
00:58:46Yeah, I don't think it works like that.
00:58:48I mean, just because you, you know, spend time with your lover,
00:58:51you know, listen to her wants and needs,
00:58:53you know, you can just put some tampons in your pocket for her once in a while.
00:58:57It doesn't give you the right to be a woman.
00:58:59Tampons in the pocket?
00:59:02Dude.
00:59:03What?
00:59:04There are just some lines that shouldn't be crossed.
00:59:06You put tampons in your pocket.
00:59:08You make him put tampons in his pocket.
00:59:10When we go hiking or wherever, a purse would be a burden.
00:59:14Well, don't touch them!
00:59:15Dude, that's not the point.
00:59:16That's a violation of your personal space.
00:59:18You're violating his personal space.
00:59:19What is the big deal?
00:59:21What if you get pulled over by the cops or something and they search you?
00:59:24You're gonna look like some kind of weirdo.
00:59:26You gotta defend your limits, dude.
00:59:27I mean, with girls, you gotta be ruthless.
00:59:29Oh, is that panning out for you?
00:59:30It's not like you look like a dead dog carrier.
00:59:33Scott, don't!
00:59:34Oh, it's about her?
00:59:35Do tell.
00:59:36Happened back in Beantown.
00:59:38Shannon carries around dead dogs.
00:59:39You carry around dead dogs.
00:59:41It's more than just that.
00:59:43How can it be more than that?
00:59:45It has to do with my friend's dog.
00:59:46While I was dog-sitting it, it died.
00:59:49I put the dog into some luggage to take it to the vet,
00:59:52and as I was getting onto the subway,
00:59:54a guy stopped to help me because I was struggling.
00:59:57And why am I even telling you this?
00:59:59Oh, you're too far in. You can't stop now.
01:00:00I don't want Matt to hear it.
01:00:01What? Just cover your ears.
01:00:05Well, he asked me why I had such heavy luggage,
01:00:08and I told him it was computer parts.
01:00:11And when I got to my stop, I went to thank him,
01:00:14and he punched me in the face, and he took the luggage, and he ran.
01:00:19He punched you in the face?
01:00:20Damn it, Matt!
01:00:20Oh my god.
01:00:21He really punched you in the face?
01:00:23Yeah, he did.
01:00:24I couldn't believe it either.
01:00:26Well, what did the guy seem like?
01:00:27Was he sketchy looking?
01:00:28No, the guy was in a suit and tie.
01:00:29It was totally unexpected.
01:00:31You.
01:00:31Like I must think you're some kind of freak
01:00:33carrying around dead dogs.
01:00:34Oh my god.
01:00:35You're gonna get remembered as the girl
01:00:37who carries around dead dogs forever.
01:00:39It just goes to show you that men are up to no good.
01:00:41No, it just goes to show you that you should have defended your limits
01:00:44and told your friends to go pick up their own damn dead dog.
01:00:46See, Neil, this is why you shouldn't be getting back with Lisa.
01:00:49She's just gonna end up killing your dog.
01:00:50Well, I don't have a dog.
01:00:51Yeah, and you don't have tampons in your pockets either.
01:00:53That's true.
01:00:54I don't want that.
01:00:56Scott, let's salvage this night and go see that play.
01:00:59Oh, do we have to?
01:01:00Yes, Scott.
01:01:02Look at this place.
01:01:03What does it have that makes you want to stay in this dump?
01:01:05The cave of entertainment.
01:01:07Come on, Scott, I'm done here.
01:01:08You're blocking the damn TV.
01:01:10Scott, we're leaving.
01:01:13You know what?
01:01:14I think I want to stay.
01:01:16Call a girlfriend to go out with you.
01:01:18Excuse me?
01:01:20Dude, reconsider.
01:01:22I don't know what you're trying to pull here, Matt,
01:01:25but I have worked too hard on this one
01:01:26to let some brain box pose a bigger influence on him than me.
01:01:30Just go.
01:01:31Just go.
01:01:32Save us. This could get worse.
01:01:34I just want to watch TV with the guys.
01:01:36Yeah, you want that?
01:01:37Yeah, I do.
01:01:38Yeah?
01:01:38Yeah.
01:01:39Grab your ear then.
01:01:43And you two, you better stop watching this thing before you choke on stupid.
01:01:53Come here.
01:02:00Eric, we're leaving.
01:02:02What?
01:02:02Larry Singer is on next.
01:02:03We love him.
01:02:04Do you really like being here with them?
01:02:08You know, Shannon, sometimes it's just easier.
01:02:10Yeah, and cheaper sometimes too.
01:02:12Scott, we're going.
01:02:14Yes, ma'am.
01:02:17Boys.
01:02:19We have a unique bond here.
01:02:21Maybe you just can't see it.
01:02:23I just know it works for me and Scott.
01:02:26But I want you to think about what you could be missing in the rest of the world.
01:02:30We're making our own memories here.
01:02:32I'm so good about the rest of the world.
01:02:34What about starting a relationship and having a family?
01:02:39I have a family.
01:02:40One where their IQ passes their age.
01:02:43I like my friends.
01:02:44You like your couch spot too.
01:02:47Yeah.
01:02:48I'm just saying, I think Matt's been shaken up with a woman on this turf.
01:02:53Maybe with his defenses down, you can get your point across to Neil.
01:02:56Eric, Singer's starting.
01:02:58Coming.
01:02:59Bye, Shannon.
01:03:05Hey, Eric.
01:03:07How's the MD?
01:03:08Just fine, Matt.
01:03:10Gotta pick your battles, man.
01:03:13So they gone or what?
01:03:14Yeah, they're gone.
01:03:16Yeah, they're gone.
01:03:17Man, I was getting worried.
01:03:18I hate having to defend my sphere from women.
01:03:21Matt, what's a chode?
01:03:23What?
01:03:23Before.
01:03:24You called me a chode.
01:03:26What's that?
01:03:27Oh, geez.
01:03:28Well, it's like a...
01:03:31It's like a...
01:03:32It's a chode.
01:03:34It's like, um...
01:03:36It's sort of like...
01:03:38You kind of...
01:03:41Down here or something?
01:03:43Like, I guess...
01:03:44What the hell is that?
01:03:44That doesn't tell me shit.
01:03:45Well, screw you.
01:03:46It's hard to describe.
01:03:47Sure as hell try.
01:03:48No way.
01:03:48I'm just taking a page out of your book.
01:03:50You can't do that.
01:03:51I just did, you stupid chode.
01:03:52What do you even want to know, anyway?
01:03:54Because I keep a list of everything you call me on my blog.
01:03:57I can't even tell if you're serious or not.
01:03:59It always kind of reminded me of a fish head.
01:04:01You know, a chode of a fish head.
01:04:05Thanks, Neil.
01:04:06You're always there to help me out.
01:04:08All right, look.
01:04:08I got it.
01:04:09You remember Brian from school?
01:04:11Who?
01:04:11Brian.
01:04:12He was all, like, tiny and deformed.
01:04:14Had, like, short arms and fingers and shit like that.
01:04:16Oh, yeah.
01:04:16Didn't he have some rare deformation that screwed with his bones?
01:04:19I don't know.
01:04:20Anyway, he's chodey.
01:04:22Huh.
01:04:23Well, I'm still not really clear on what a chode is.
01:04:25But I guess I'll just think of Brian whenever I hear it.
01:04:28Great.
01:04:29Poor guy can't go one day without someone using his physical deformations as an example.
01:04:32If it gets used as an example, it helps the learning process.
01:04:36He shouldn't always be painted in a negative light like that.
01:04:38Now Eric's gonna think of Brian every time he hears chode.
01:04:40Sorry.
01:04:40Object association is the best way to remember it.
01:04:42It's how I do it.
01:04:44What, do you associate girls with, like, knives or pain or something?
01:04:47No way.
01:04:48Above all that, my wallet.
01:04:49I just gotta remember how much girls I actually require.
01:04:52Unless you find one with a good rate.
01:04:54Of course.
01:04:56You ever think that letting a girl into your life might actually change you for the better?
01:05:00No.
01:05:00I couldn't picture a man with a significant other.
01:05:02Unless he was totally succumbing to his demands.
01:05:05Unable to stay quiet.
01:05:07Unable to react quickly to changing circumstances.
01:05:10I'm like a computer.
01:05:12So you're saying I need a robot girlfriend?
01:05:14Oh yeah.
01:05:15I'm sure your thumb drive will fit her USB port just fine.
01:05:18At least I'm not like Brian.
01:05:19Chode?
01:05:20See?
01:05:21Come on.
01:05:22Hey look, all I'm saying is he's so short and squat.
01:05:24Reminds me of a dwarf.
01:05:26I thought he was a chode.
01:05:27Same thing.
01:05:28Just my thumb drive functions way better than his tunic and dick.
01:05:31What?
01:05:32Like dwarves are so chodey and squat and short.
01:05:34They gotta have tunic and dicks.
01:05:37I'll never look at Gimli the same way again.
01:05:39Yeah, just a fact of life.
01:05:40Poor guy.
01:05:41It's gotta be tough handling a stub nose like that.
01:05:44He probably deals with it the same way we all deal with our small problems.
01:05:48Reading a book.
01:05:52Just kidding.
01:05:53You know what?
01:05:54Let's bring him out.
01:05:55Let's bring him out here.
01:05:56Yeah!
01:05:56Yeah!
01:05:57Oh!
01:05:57Oh!
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01:06:29Oh!
01:06:29I'll beat you up.
01:06:31No, I'm throwing this chick.
01:06:33I'm throwing this chick.
01:06:34Don't bat.
01:06:35No!
01:06:35Ow.
01:06:39Wow.
01:06:40There's so much swearing on this show.
01:06:42Why do they have to beep it out?
01:06:44Yeah, I know.
01:06:44I mean, we know what they're saying.
01:06:45Why can't they just let it go?
01:06:47It's probably just a cultural preservation thing
01:06:49to keep the public away from it for as long as fucking possible.
01:06:52Yeah, but it cuts with the dialogue
01:06:54and it makes everyone sound like a robot.
01:06:56In that case, R2-D2 probably cusses like a fucking sailor.
01:06:59All he does is bloop and bleep.
01:07:01What?
01:07:02Think about it.
01:07:03If all the other bots could speak,
01:07:04why wouldn't they put voice modulators into the R2 models?
01:07:07He probably didn't need one.
01:07:08I mean, wasn't his job just to talk to the ships?
01:07:10The R2 models must have been programmed to cuss like hell
01:07:12and to preserve the culture of the galaxy.
01:07:13They were all bleeped.
01:07:15So you're saying that every time R2-D2 makes any noises,
01:07:17he's cussing like a truck driver?
01:07:19R2, shut down all the garbage compactors on the detention levels.
01:07:22No, shut them all down.
01:07:24Oh, hell no.
01:07:25I'm not sticking my fucking dick into another fucking computer.
01:07:27Last time I did that, I got a fucking virus, you son of a bitch.
01:07:30You hacked that shit yourself, you asshole.
01:07:33Wow.
01:07:34That's disturbing.
01:07:36Oh, right, R2.
01:07:39We'll take care of everything.
01:07:41Yeah, you better, you fucking...
01:07:42Seriously, what the fuck?
01:07:43I used to have my jets.
01:07:44Where the hell did they go?
01:07:45I want my flamethrower back.
01:07:46I can't do shit with this little fucking taser thing I got.
01:07:49I used to fucking fly.
01:07:50Can you believe that?
01:07:51You have any idea how fucking annoying that is
01:07:52to roll around when I could fucking fly at one point?
01:07:55God damn it.
01:07:55You tell them to suck my fucking little metal dick.
01:08:00If only you used your time for something more constructive.
01:08:02Yeah, if I had 10% of the free time you have,
01:08:05I'd have like seven extra hours in my day.
01:08:08You're saying my days have 70 hours in them?
01:08:10Yeah.
01:08:11Yeah, you're that lazy.
01:08:13Okay, whatever.
01:08:14Can I get back on the couch now?
01:08:16Sorry, Eric.
01:08:16The couch is for winners.
01:08:18No, he's right.
01:08:19Bullshit.
01:08:22I am sick and tired of this, Matt.
01:08:24You are not right.
01:08:25Turn off the TV.
01:08:26Fuck no.
01:08:27Hey, hey, what the f-
01:08:29I've tried to be nice, but I don't think I can take it anymore.
01:08:31Eric, turn the fucking TV-
01:08:32Quiet!
01:08:33Do you hear that?
01:08:38No, it's completely quiet.
01:08:39Listen.
01:08:45It is quiet.
01:08:47Maybe Lisa's really gone.
01:08:48Exactly, they can watch TV in peace.
01:08:50No, Matt.
01:08:51I have to do this.
01:08:53Well, maybe she's still here.
01:08:55And maybe she's not.
01:08:57Maybe we should go check.
01:08:59I still think there's something here, Neil.
01:09:00You and Lisa have been longing for each other,
01:09:02but you express it through your anger.
01:09:03It's too dangerous.
01:09:04This could all be part of her plan.
01:09:06Or in your case, it's paranoia.
01:09:08I listened to you before, Eric.
01:09:09What's going to change now?
01:09:10You, Neil.
01:09:11You have to change.
01:09:12You can't keep wanting what other people want you to want.
01:09:14You have to want whatever it is that you really do want.
01:09:17What?
01:09:18A life living theater is a life half-lived.
01:09:20It sounds to me like you don't want Lisa to be gone.
01:09:23Aren't you at least curious whether she wants you back or not?
01:09:25Or do you just want to watch some more TV?
01:09:27No way, Neil.
01:09:28Look, this is for the better, all right?
01:09:29You can watch way more TV without her.
01:09:31Don't you want more than that, Neil?
01:09:32I do.
01:09:33What if she's waiting for you right now?
01:09:35I have to go get her.
01:09:36Well, she's certainly not going to come to you.
01:09:37She's been trying, but you keep the door locked.
01:09:39Shittily.
01:09:42What do you want, Eric?
01:09:43It doesn't matter what I want.
01:09:44I just want to help you make the right choice.
01:09:48We should check if she's still here.
01:09:50Matt, go get the door.
01:09:50Eric, check that window.
01:09:51I'll get this one.
01:09:52Ready, go.
01:10:01Clear.
01:10:02Clear.
01:10:08All clear here, too.
01:10:11Guess she's really gone.
01:10:12I wonder where she went.
01:10:14Who cares?
01:10:14Seriously, dude.
01:10:15It's probably just post-traumatic breakup residue or something.
01:10:18It'll pass.
01:10:19Look, we got a good thing here.
01:10:20Let's just keep it forever, yeah?
01:10:22I just thought I was onto something.
01:10:26Jeez, Bruce.
01:10:27Thanks for coming out here on such short notice to see me.
01:10:29I know you have that deadline for that new office building next Monday,
01:10:33and your car just got towed.
01:10:34Hey, I only had to take two buses and a cab to get here.
01:10:37You're worth it.
01:10:38Thanks.
01:10:39I just really needed to talk to someone.
01:10:42I can see that.
01:10:43You sounded distressed when I talked to you on the phone.
01:10:45Yeah, I didn't really want to talk about that.
01:10:48I just want to talk to someone else about anything else.
01:10:51Okay, how about politics?
01:10:53No way!
01:10:54Politics are terrible.
01:10:56It's about who has the most pull or the most money.
01:10:58It's not even a representation of the people anymore.
01:11:00Don't even get me started.
01:11:02Okay, fine.
01:11:04How about superpowers?
01:11:06Oh, yeah?
01:11:07What about them?
01:11:09I've just always had this theory that everyone has a secret power hidden inside of them.
01:11:14You mean how Bruce Wayne is really Batman?
01:11:17No, even less than that.
01:11:18I just think that everyone has something inside of them, like a power or a talent.
01:11:23Besides, Batman isn't a superhero.
01:11:27So it's something you're born with?
01:11:29Yeah.
01:11:30Maybe something trivial, like the ability to always know where your car keys are.
01:11:34Or maybe something so great that the government has to snatch you up and erase your existence.
01:11:39But I think everyone has something.
01:11:41Right.
01:11:43Surely you have some evidence to back this up.
01:11:45Well, take my power, for instance.
01:11:48Your power to make little babies cry by looking at them?
01:11:51No, silly.
01:11:53I have the power to instill desire in females.
01:11:59Oh, you're serious?
01:12:03Fat lot that did you.
01:12:04You're still a virgin.
01:12:06That's by choice.
01:12:10Well, how come you've never used this on me?
01:12:11Because it goes against my superhero code of ethics.
01:12:15I would never enchant a taken woman.
01:12:17Let's not bring him into this.
01:12:18Sorry, I didn't mean anything by it.
01:12:20I was just trying to prove my power.
01:12:21Well, I'll be honest with you, you're not doing a very good job.
01:12:25It seems like all men think they have this power by force or wealth.
01:12:29It's not too attractive, if you ask me.
01:12:32I enjoy a man who needs his woman, who can't sleep if she's not next to him.
01:12:39A pushover.
01:12:41A romantic.
01:12:44Hey.
01:12:45Ah, did you notice anything strange about that?
01:12:49That people in the city would step on you as soon as they look at you?
01:12:52No, what we just saw was a byproduct of Homeless Al's superpower.
01:12:57His power to live off baked beans and brandy?
01:13:01No, judging by his survival rate,
01:13:04Homeless Al has the ability to survive hypothermia every night,
01:13:07which is a pretty good superpower for a homeless guy.
01:13:11But it comes at great cost.
01:13:12Ooh, the plot thickens.
01:13:14Yep.
01:13:15No one seems to notice him as they walk by,
01:13:17to the point where they stumble over him because he's practically invisible.
01:13:21A tragic superhero flaw.
01:13:23So instead of proving that everyone has a superpower,
01:13:26you just proved that everyone in the city is an asshole.
01:13:30Congratulations.
01:13:31All right, well, take Nelson here.
01:13:34Nelson?
01:13:35Ooh, does he share your power over women?
01:13:38No, Nelson has the ability to instantly transform his environment into a kung fu movie.
01:13:43Rawr!
01:13:47I have yet to see it, but someday it will be a spectacle to behold.
01:13:52Okay, let's say I believe you.
01:13:55What would my superpower be?
01:13:57I've always wanted to be in a musical or blow up my ex-boyfriend with my brains.
01:14:02Well, that's radically different.
01:14:04But how about something more useful?
01:14:07Like the ability to move on, let go.
01:14:10Let go?
01:14:11Like let go of my hands around his throat?
01:14:14No, I mean turn the other cheek, look to greener pastures,
01:14:19go out with someone who thinks you're smart, funny, and beautiful.
01:14:22That'd be like giving up without a fight.
01:14:24Well, maybe that someone is right in front of you and you haven't even noticed it yet.
01:14:27Huh? Sorry, I was thinking.
01:14:31God, I must have hit you hard when he dumped you.
01:14:33Is that what he's telling people? I dumped him.
01:14:35What? Are you kidding me?
01:14:37Then why are you still stalking the poor bastard?
01:14:39Um, I can't say.
01:14:41Look, Lisa, I mean this in the nicest way possible.
01:14:45You need psychiatric help.
01:14:47The only reason that you still pursue someone, someone that you dumped,
01:14:51is that you have serious mental issues or that you still seriously like the person.
01:14:56I think you need to move on.
01:15:00I never thought about it that way.
01:15:03You're right.
01:15:09Yeah?
01:15:10Yeah.
01:15:12I don't know how I could have been so blind.
01:15:15Lisa, I...
01:15:17It was never about getting my stuff back.
01:15:20Thanks, Bruce.
01:15:25Lisa, wait, I...
01:15:29Fuck!
01:15:39My guitar and you, my friend, the love of fresh water and fruits,
01:15:58my
01:16:23Lisa!
01:16:24Neil, take me back.
01:16:27You mean it?
01:16:28I knew there was a reason my ex-girlfriend sense wasn't tingling anymore.
01:16:32It must be because you really love me.
01:16:33How could I ever leave you?
01:16:35How could I ever let you go?
01:16:40No, dude, no!
01:16:42Fuck you too, Larry!
01:16:43Shut the fuck up!
01:16:50My remote!
01:16:51My remote!
01:16:53You're keeping this too?
01:16:57Steal my stuff?
01:17:04And this is for my bra?
01:17:07I haven't been able to change my channels, Neil.
01:17:13I thought you might have changed, but you still only care about TV.
01:17:16But I have changed.
01:17:17I'm choosing you.
01:17:18Damn it, Neil, you are never going to change.
01:17:21I have done everything for you, Neil.
01:17:23And you just sit and be controlled.
01:17:26Well, not anymore.
01:17:31Lisa, no!
01:17:32Howie, no!
01:17:33Lisa!
01:17:33Howie!
01:17:34Lisa!
01:17:35Howie!
01:17:36She took the remote.
01:17:37You can't change this shit.
01:17:39It's not even TV.
01:17:40Damn you and your TV.
01:17:41It's what got me in this mess in the first place.
01:17:43Hey, it's what we have together, dude.
01:17:44Yeah, don't blame him and the TV.
01:17:46This is your fault.
01:17:46Shut up, Eric.
01:17:48Don't pass the blame around.
01:17:49You're the one who lost everything.
01:17:50So do something about it.
01:17:51If you want Lisa, go get her.
01:17:52Forget that.
01:17:53Go get Howie.
01:17:58Damn it, dude.
01:17:59I was just trying to show you that it's your decision to make.
01:18:03Come on, man.
01:18:03Now we got nothing.
01:18:04What kept us together is gone.
01:18:07You know, maybe Lisa is a little left kilter.
01:18:09But I can't tell you if you love her or not.
01:18:13Forget this, man.
01:18:14God damn it, Neil.
01:18:20I'm with you.
01:20:21La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la.
01:20:36Stop the cab.
01:20:50Neil, you came back.
01:20:52I had to. I had a big choice to make, and you were a really big part in it.
01:21:01Dammit. I can't believe this.
01:21:04My sphere's been under siege all day, and now I'm ruined.
01:21:08Yeah. I'm gonna miss the three of us hanging out.
01:21:11Why the hell did you spur him on in the first place?
01:21:14I felt like this was bigger than we could perceive.
01:21:17It'd be selfish to keep him here for our own reasons, and I wanted to help him make the right choice, whatever it was.
01:21:23Great. Now we're gonna have to find a new roommate from the look of it.
01:21:28I wonder what Brian's up to.
01:21:30Who?
01:21:31Jode.
01:21:32Oh, yeah.
01:21:34Matt, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to break up our trio.
01:21:38Whatever. Look, I just knew girls were more trouble than they're worth.
01:21:43You probably just have to find the right one.
01:21:45What, like Lisa? I have no idea what Neil even sees in her.
01:21:49God, why the hell did you put him up to this, Eric?
01:21:51That's what I've been saying. I don't think either of us knows what's best for him.
01:21:57Oh, look. Here come the lovebirds now.
01:22:09Crazy psycho bitch.
01:22:45Crazy psycho bitch.
01:23:00Done good, Neil.
01:23:02Now we can eat.
01:23:07Fuck.
01:23:15Fuck.
01:23:45Fuck.
01:24:15Fuck.
01:24:45Fuck.
01:24:58Damn. With all this pizza pie, I sure could use a drink.
01:25:04Shit.