From People Watching #shorts #animation #dating #comedy #funny #youtubeshorts
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FunTranscript
00:00Hey, how's it going? Never really done this kind of thing before.
00:03I have. I've done it way too many goddamn times.
00:05I'm about at the point where I want to just start masturbating under the table while maintaining eye contact just to see if anyone notices.
00:11I... I see.
00:12Sorry. I'm just jaded.
00:14You do these events and you meet the same people over and over, or rather you don't meet them because everyone's generically trying to appeal to the largest number of people and it just feels so... pointless.
00:23Uh... sorry? Why come then?
00:26Because the people I meet at work are the worst? And because approaching a stranger in a bar is just prejudice and a flowery typeface?
00:33I sure wouldn't date anyone where I work.
00:35Uh, what do you...
00:36Stripper. Not because it was the only avenue for me or because I just needed to pay for school, but because I genuinely like being naked in front of large groups of people despite the cognitive dissonance of that situation necessitating the kind of audience that immorally thinks the human body is inherently taboo.
00:49You sure are... uh... forthcoming.
00:52You sure are still talking to me because a certain level of conventional beauty mitigates an equal level of craziness.
00:57Look, compatibility is based off specificity, right? So tonight I thought I'd be as specific as possible as a shortcut to eliminating everyone who's not a good match.
01:06So you've got all your potential matches, right? And then either I can say,
01:09Hi, my name is Joan, and I took economics in school, and I really like movies, and I believe you've already met my giant rack.
01:17And then I'm gonna be here all goddamn night.
01:20Or I can say,
01:21Hi, my stage name is Candy, and don't you hate it when you're sliding naked down a pole in front of the kind of businessmen who are ruining the country,
01:29and one of them throws a five and someone used a sharpie to make the guy on the bill, I don't know his name, look like Spock,
01:34and you have to fight not to burst into laughter in the middle of your twerk routine because it would humanize you,
01:38and that's worse for business in a way that your cellulite only dreams of.
01:42And yes, I just narrowed the dating field down to people with a stripper fetish.
01:45But hopefully, there's also a couple people who heard the nuances of what I was saying, or the way I was saying it, or even my willingness to say it,
01:52and regardless of my career choices, something fundamentally resonated.
01:56Which is who you want to be dating. Thus, radical honesty.
02:01I mean, it's supposed to be speed dating, right? This just makes it like warp speed dating.
02:06That was probably something to it. I mean, basically all I heard there were the two references to Star Trek, so right on, eh?
02:13My favorite series is Voyager.