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FunTranscript
00:00What does Wembley mean to us?
00:05Oh, I'm just here for moral support and to support the fact that we need to beat the goal scoring record at Wembley.
00:12To be honest, Wembley, I'm not too arsed.
00:14It's just the same as your local, isn't it?
00:16If there's grass on the pitch, that's probably not the right thing to say.
00:18That's mad!
00:22For this day to be remembered and iconic, we need a Josh Zirka goal.
00:26Oh, that's big.
00:27We need a Josh Zirka, we need a speed goal.
00:30And we need a Kallux goal.
00:32I'm not sure we're too arsed about that, but a speed goal and...
00:37There's nothing on the back there, mate.
00:39There's nothing on the back?
00:39There's nothing on the back.
00:40Oh, my word!
00:41There's fuck all on the back.
00:42I haven't even put my name on the back.
00:43Jesus Christ.
00:44Blind as well. Pick a struggle, eh?
00:46Speed goal and a win.
00:47I feel like it's cemented, by the way.
00:49I feel like we've won.
00:50We are fucked!
00:54We're so fucked.
00:56Oi.
00:56Good team for shit.
00:57Fuck it.
00:58So, you guys can have two managers now.
01:00You're not on our manager?
01:02No, I'm...
01:03Yeah, I'm coming over now.
01:04What, do you not like your team?
01:06No, it's not that I don't like them, they've got great spirit.
01:08OK, and footballing ability, no?
01:12Oh, we shouldn't even talk about it.
01:14Oh.
01:17Oh, you guys are going to have a great game.
01:18I've got Chris from D with an injured knee.
01:20You've got Theo.
01:21Yeah, that's true.
01:22But he's coming off in the first minute.
01:24Why?
01:25Because I just want to do that to him.
01:28I want to make the quickest substitution in Wembley history,
01:31and it's going to be Theo, to get hooked.
01:34This man needs to be brought down a peg.
01:44Is he?
01:45Oh, what a muppet.
01:47Missing training.
01:49What am I meant to do?
01:50You should be over there, getting him.
01:51What?
01:52Excuse me, love, he's got to fucking train.
01:54Where's your gaffer?
01:56Bez, where's your manager?
02:02Yeah.
02:03It's a tough session, that, I need this.
02:06I know I'm not actually running or anything,
02:08but just barking orders, it can take it out of you, really.
02:13Especially putting in a proper shift,
02:14you want to let the players know you're there.
02:16Unlike someone else's gaffer, he's not even fucking here.
02:20Someone else's gaffer, he's not even fucking here.
02:24Probably playing golf, quick round in.
02:26He's not bothered about his team, I care about my team.
02:28I'm disappointed in you.
02:29Why? I'm fit.
02:31Are you?
02:31Yeah.
02:32No, you're fucking lying to me.
02:33Am I breathing hard?
02:35You're sweating just by standing.
02:41Fuck it, come on.
02:42Oh, look who's turned up.
02:43What is going on here?
02:45Ten minutes in him, I know he's got ten minutes in him.
02:48What do you reckon?
02:49This is fucking classic.
02:50I'm your manager.
02:51You want manager?
02:52Shit, yeah.
02:54Wait, for real?
02:54For real.
02:58Is he trolling, is he actually trolling?
02:59I ain't no trolling, no.
03:01So you better smile when you look at me.
03:03He's not, is he the manager?
03:06He ain't even listening, bro, get involved.
03:08If you want to play tomorrow, these kids.
03:12Let's see, there's a few question marks.
03:14We've got the ween, I need to see if he's any good.
03:16Yeah, I need to watch this, man.
03:18Nah, I need to stay tuned.
03:20And then who else there?
03:21So we've got the ween, I'm worried about.
03:24Vikstar, I don't want to see him anywhere near my front line.
03:27Randolph must just be here,
03:28literally, because he's part of the charity.
03:29There's no chance he's getting any fucking minutes.
03:31Khaled's here for a day out.
03:36I'm excited to see Mark Rober, actually.
03:39I think Mark Rober would be an interesting one.
03:41I want to see what he's got.
03:42Here we go.
03:43Oh, between these two, no problem.
03:45Harry, my defender, he'll stop, he'll stop Simon.
03:48Trust me.
03:57But do you know what?
03:58You want to know something about Harry?
03:59It's just on the day he's going to be there.
04:01He's so shit until match day.
04:04Here we go, here we go.
04:05This is it.
04:05Mark Rober.
04:06Here we go.
04:07As a touch.
04:08Oh, I like it.
04:09I like this a lot.
04:10Fuck off.
04:13Experiment on these fucking nuts, my boy.
04:16Because that, that was special.
04:17Oh, come on.
04:18Come on, Wien.
04:19Lock in.
04:20Fucking lock in.
04:26What?
04:30Oh my God.
04:32Bottom set fucking P.U.
04:34Why are we wearing a hat again?
04:35Oh, it's sunny.
04:36Really sunny.
04:37I actually can't see.
04:38Well, has anyone ever seen Logan Paul play?
04:41Defense, defense.
04:45I fucking like that.
04:46That's a box to box midfielder.
04:48Dude, that's unreal.
04:49Stay on him.
04:50Some people are just naturally athletic.
04:53Unbelievable.
04:55I like what I saw there a lot.
04:57I really liked it.
04:58That was really good.
05:01Really good.
05:02Let's see what, oh, this is a dynamic duo.
05:05Ethan, a defensive midfielder somewhat.
05:08Harry's been really shit.
05:11Nice to turn up, pal.
05:13Mate, where have you been?
05:14In the fucking bathroom?
05:14Been in the shitter.
05:15What's that round you?
05:16What's round?
05:17What have you been doing?
05:18Hold on, let me go.
05:19Fucking hell, you need a gaffer
05:20that gets crazy on a Friday
05:21and then turns up on a Saturday,
05:22as Steve Rattles says.
05:24Fucking hell.
05:25Fucking hell, that's a sad sight, that, lads.
05:28Deji, you better not turn up tomorrow, I swear to God.
05:32My God.
05:33Look, he's looking knackered already, mate.
05:35He is, he is panting.
05:37Fuck you.
05:39Call him.
05:39What the fuck is that?
05:41What the hell was that?
05:42Switch on, man.
05:43Jesus Christ.
05:44It's a sad sight on both sides.
05:46Get stuck in, Lachs.
05:49Standing off your man.
05:54It's embarrassing, man.
05:56Really, really embarrassing.
05:58But we're doing a little bit of shooting drills.
06:00This is where I get to see, you know,
06:02who's going to be my top striker.
06:03That's a no.
06:04Mark, I was very impressed earlier, by the way.
06:06I have to say.
06:09We'll talk about him later.
06:10Randolph, I'll be honest.
06:11I haven't seen you all day.
06:13I feel everyone's a little bit nervous around me.
06:15I think that's because I'm a little bit
06:16of an angry manager, you know?
06:20Fuck, okay.
06:22Fuck, that's actually better
06:23than I thought it was going to be.
06:26Oh, shit.
06:27Bang, bang, bang.
06:29What the fuck?
06:32He's not saved a single one.
06:34Come on, Mark.
06:35Come on, Mark.
06:36I believe in this guy, you know.
06:37Fuck me.
06:40Here we go.
06:41Bang!
06:42Bang!
06:46Chris, show him something nice, please.
06:50Yeah!
06:53What was going through your mind there?
06:55Like, talk me through the...
07:00Any pissing about that, lad?
07:02Tomorrow, you're not fucking starting.
07:05Nah, he's too big to...
07:07That don't count for him.
07:09I did you.
07:10I am watching.
07:11I am watching.
07:1550 piss push-ups if you miss.
07:1750.
07:1850.
07:21You ain't playing tomorrow.
07:22You ain't playing.
07:23You are not playing.
07:24You're a little piggy.
07:25You know that?
07:27Wait, what is he like?
07:28You okay?
07:29Watch, watch, watch, watch, watch, watch, watch.
07:30No, ours is a similar ability.
07:34Watch.
07:35This is so funny.
07:38Ours is similar.
07:39Ours is quite the same.
07:43Don't tell him I'm lucky.
07:44Bang!
07:50Let's fucking go.
07:51Let's go.
07:52By my side.
07:53All right.
07:58Fucking hell, go on, lad.
08:00Oh, whack it in.
08:01Ooh.
08:02Chugs.
08:04Just roll off a bit.
08:05Are you annoyed that he just pulled you off like that, bro?
08:07Because I'd be pissed.
08:08I'd be fucking pissed.
08:09First of all, hi.
08:10Yeah, speed.
08:11Love that.
08:14You reckon speed's gonna back?
08:15Speed, try it back, man.
08:17You gotta run if you want this shit.
08:20He's fucking lazy, bro.
08:21Chip was in a world of trouble there.
08:23I could see he was losing control of his players.
08:26He is in trouble.
08:28Yeah, George, call it.
08:33Yeah, that'll do, that'll do.
08:36Top left.
08:38Ooh, hold on.
08:40This right here, top left.
08:48Love that from Kyle.
08:49Love that.
08:50It's my assistant manager right there, boo.
08:52Come on.
08:54He was telling me you're a bit of a...
08:56Maybe Manny can hold a candle,
08:59hold a candle.
09:00I'm sure most people could hold a candle, you know?
09:02Just a candle.
09:03Even fucking Deji's still over there can hold a candle.
09:04Look at the size of the fucking guy.
09:05He might eat the candle.
09:06Oh, shit.
09:08All right, so that's pretty much wrapped up training day.
09:10You happy going into tomorrow?
09:12Not really.
09:13Not really.
09:14Not really.
09:16It wasn't the performance you were hoping for, or?
09:18Nope.
09:20I just would have preferred some players
09:21that played the game of football before,
09:24but you can't win them all, eh?
09:27I ain't never lost before.
09:29This is gonna be your first, buddy.
09:30This could be my first loss.
09:33Boys and girls, just to let you know,
09:34if you want a full match highlights
09:35from mine and Kyle's perspective,
09:37you can head on over to Fella's Lord
09:38if the link is in the description,
09:39or you can download the app on all app stores.
09:41And also, there might be something special
09:43coming later in the week.
09:46Wembley Stadium.
09:48I don't think I'm overselling it
09:49in saying one of the biggest football matches
09:50of all time, Steven.
09:56Is that what devils do?
10:00Took you so low,
10:02but only fools go.
10:04I shook the angel in you.
10:08Now I'm rising from the ground.
10:12Rising up to prove.
10:14Love it.
10:15Filled with all the strength I've found.
10:19There's nothing I can't do.
10:27Predictions.
10:28Now for eight.
10:29Ten, nine.
10:30Ten, nine.
10:31Sixteen, twelve.
10:32I want to go out there and make sure they're going home,
10:34like, fucking crying.
10:36Let's go, let's fucking have it, lads.
10:39Here we go.
10:40That's a mate leading the line.
10:4290,000 fans here for one reason.
10:46This is a game nine years in the making,
10:49and look how far we have come.
10:52It's the Sidemen charity match 2025.
10:56And here they are.
11:04One minute's up.
11:06Here we go.
11:07Chip, we're up.
11:10Get the sub.
11:1322nd minute.
11:15We're seeing the substitution.
11:17It's Theo Major, I think.
11:19He's been taken off.
11:20It lasted longer than we expected.
11:22Fuck off.
11:23Fuck off, mate.
11:26Yes, Mark.
11:32Yeah.
11:34Whip it in.
11:36No!
11:40Oh!
11:41Handball!
11:42Ref!
11:43Ref!
11:47That's all hands.
11:49Nah.
11:50I've got two eyes and it went in his arm.
11:53Hey!
11:55Hey!
11:56Ref!
11:57Ref!
11:58Yes!
12:01Yes!
12:03Yes!
12:14Yes!
12:25Yes!
12:31Oh!
12:34Yeah, I got mine now.
12:35I'm still down, still down, still down.
12:40Yes!
12:47Yes!
12:50I'm OK.
12:52Yes!
12:54Yes!
12:58Lionel, I mean...
13:02Lionel, what's he doing in my way?
13:06Nah, Stretch is taking the piss.
13:08I can't be honest.
13:10What a boy!
13:14Yes! There it is!
13:18Yes!
13:20Oh my God! Oh my God!
13:23Yes!
13:27Come on, boys!
13:29Now look, it's 4-4.
13:31We made some changes. I'm now playing up front.
13:34I'm now playing in a Ronaldo position.
13:36We gon' win this game, we gon' smash it, and we gon' do it for y'all!
13:39So everybody that's watching, clap up!
13:42Cause we about to get right!
13:44Heart! Let's go!
13:48Play it, Rick!
13:50Yes!
13:52Yes!
13:58Yes!
14:01I'm in! I'm in! I'm in!
14:10Yes!
14:13Fuck it!
14:15Fuck it!
14:22Oh my God!
14:24Right, Lionel!
14:28Lionel!
14:35Oh my God, that was sick!
14:37That was fucking sick!
14:39Yes!
14:41Yes!
14:44Yes!
14:53Oh my God, he's done it!
14:57Yes!
15:00Yes!
15:01Fuck off!
15:03Best five!
15:05Alright, boys. First question is, first question.
15:08Who wants one?
15:10Hand up if you want one.
15:11One? Two?
15:12We need to win this, boys.
15:13They're going for the best takers, okay?
15:15They are doing that. We are doing that, right?
15:17Alright, boys. Come on, Harold.
15:20Come on, boys!
15:24Come on, I need it.
15:26Oh my God!
15:28Oh my God!
15:31Oh my God!
15:34Oh my God!
15:40Yes!
15:43Down the middle!
15:57That was so cold, isn't it?
15:59Yes, it is!
16:02What?
16:11Please, JJ, just bag this. I don't want to...
16:22I'll break it in.
16:28Yes!
16:32We need to win the game.
16:52Yes!
16:57Yes!
17:01Yes!
17:05Yes!
17:08Yes!
17:10Yes!
17:12Yes!
17:14Yes!
17:18It's alright.
17:20It's alright.
17:22It's alright.
17:32Yes!
17:41It's alright, boys. It's alright, boys.
17:44Yes!
17:50Yes!
17:52Yes!
17:55Yes!
17:58Yes!
18:00Yes!
18:02Yes!
18:08Oh, it's fucking over.
18:10You can rest assured.
18:12We have won.
18:14It was 9-9.
18:16Probably the best game we could have asked for.
18:18A penalty shoot-out as well.
18:20And a speed winner.
18:22I swear that you can't even write it.
18:24But we did.
18:26It was amazing. I'm so grateful.