Soha Ali Khan and Kareena Kapoor Khan discuss the paparazzi attention has on their kids on Filmy Mirchi’s show What Women Want.
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00:00Going to play dates and all, he still feels, is like a woman's job.
00:02I don't know what it is about these particular children,
00:06or whether it's children suddenly in general, star children, celeb children,
00:09that people have taken an interest in.
00:10But it is, I'm sure, it's going to take away from their innocence.
00:16So how much credit of you being a good mother goes to Kunal?
00:21We come from very different backgrounds.
00:22The way that he was brought up and the way that I was brought up,
00:25are totally different.
00:26I was also brought up where my mother was working,
00:28where we did have a nanny, he didn't have a nanny.
00:31So he may not agree with a lot of things,
00:34but we've compromised on a lot of things.
00:37And he's given me the freedom, which I know,
00:39he has an opinion on things on,
00:40but he has allowed me to exercise it.
00:43Milk being one of them.
00:44Yeah, exactly.
00:45Yeah, soya milk or dairy, right?
00:47Yeah, and also lots of things in terms of a diet.
00:50In terms of the fact that, you know,
00:52also we don't need to change things up all the time.
00:54She doesn't need to constantly go to a hundred different things
00:56and be entertained.
00:57Absolutely.
00:58He'd say, we grew up, you know, in two rooms and we would be fine.
01:02We'd be like just, you know, playing on the floor.
01:04You don't have to give her different vegetables every day.
01:06You know, like whatever, like I want to do the best for her.
01:08There are times when he says, you know,
01:10I don't understand, like going to play dates and all,
01:12he still feels it's like a woman's job.
01:14He'd always ask me, you know, how many husbands were there?
01:16How many fathers were there?
01:18And sometimes they are, like even the play group
01:21that I take Inayah to and the preschool that she goes to,
01:24there are fathers who go there.
01:25But, you know, he'll also constantly not applaud Inayah.
01:28If she's doing something, I'm constantly like, wow, that's amazing.
01:30She's drawn a line. It's amazing.
01:32She stood up. It's amazing.
01:33And this child gets used to a lot of applause
01:35and a lot of, you know, attention.
01:37Sometimes Kunal will just ignore Inayah.
01:39And I'd be like, you know, she's looking for you.
01:41Give her attention.
01:42He says, I don't need to, you know.
01:43It's normal for a child to be around.
01:45She can't be the center of attention at all times.
01:47But I think even Saif is very much like that.
01:49So I think maybe, I don't know if that's a...
01:50So you're balancing it out.
01:51He kind of also...
01:52I know that she loves being on swings.
01:54And I said, you know, I want to get her a swing.
01:56And that's where he said, okay, look,
01:57like, I don't want her to have everything.
01:59Even if you can afford it.
02:00Of course.
02:01She should also look forward to going to Taimur's house
02:02because he has a swing.
02:03Exactly.
02:04It has to be something that she knows
02:06that she can't have all the time.
02:07I think that's very right.
02:08And, you know, a little perspective like that
02:09is also helpful for me.
02:10Kunal's attitude is very much like Saif's.
02:12Even though you both are brothers and sisters
02:15and have a similar background.
02:16But I think Saif, because he's had his fair share of, you know,
02:20actually working in the industry at such a young age
02:22and doing everything also on his own.
02:24Yeah.
02:24That I think even his attitude is a lot like that.
02:26I think so.
02:27He always constantly fires me and is like,
02:29what is the need to constantly entertain your child?
02:31Yeah.
02:32Why does it have to be that he has to go out every day?
02:34And he must learn how to entertain himself.
02:36And, you know, also be okay with one thing.
02:39Otherwise, they're constantly,
02:40then they'll require that stimulation.
02:42What is something that you learnt about parenting
02:44from your parents that now you're applying to Inaya?
02:49I think,
02:51I think when it comes to Abba,
02:54he never said,
02:56do it this way, do it that way.
02:58He was the kind of person who would just live his life
03:00and believe that you should absorb,
03:02you should see and imbibe instead of saying.
03:07Like there's more value in actions.
03:08Actions speak louder than words.
03:10So I don't remember him ever saying,
03:12you know, I want you to do this.
03:13I feel you should do this.
03:14If he said that you should not raise your voice,
03:17he wouldn't say that.
03:18I just never in my whole life ever heard him raise his voice.
03:21And I understood that it's not cool to raise your voice.
03:24Because he didn't.
03:25Yeah, because he didn't.
03:26From Amma, I think it was, again,
03:28the fact that it's okay to be a working parent
03:32and to be a working mother.
03:34And from a young age, of course,
03:36she worked a lot more with Bhai.
03:37She worked a lot more with my elder sister, Saba.
03:40With me, she was more involved, perhaps, in my upbringing.
03:42But still, she did Mississippi Masala.
03:44She went away for two months, you know,
03:46and I remember missing her terribly
03:47and I used to write letters to her every day.
03:49But sometimes she missed a birthday also of mine.
03:51And she said, it's okay, I know it's your birthday,
03:53but we'll celebrate it when I'm there.
03:55Yeah.
03:55And it's just a day at the end of the day.
03:56And you understand that that's something
03:58that's important to her.
03:59And I never held it against her.
04:01We have a really close relationship.
04:03Now Inaya and Taimur are growing up in the digital age.
04:06Yeah.
04:06In the age where they're being hounded by the paparazzi.
04:09Yeah.
04:10So I know that as a parent, I'm extremely worried.
04:14What is your take on Inaya being photographed?
04:17Firstly, I completely, I think Taimur is perhaps,
04:20it's a more extreme case than Inaya.
04:21I know that he's often followed to, you know,
04:24wherever he goes, wherever he goes, actually.
04:26And with Inaya, it's a little less so.
04:28But it's still worrying.
04:30Yeah, it's still there.
04:31It's still worrying.
04:32I don't know what it is about these particular children
04:35or whether it's children suddenly in general,
04:37star children, celeb children,
04:39that, you know, people have taken an interest in.
04:40But it is, I'm sure,
04:42it's going to take away from their innocence.
04:44And I remember a huge part of my childhood
04:46being private, things that I did that nobody knew about.
04:49And I think you're entitled to that.
04:51Every child wants, I think,
04:53especially in high school and school and when they're young,
04:55they don't want to stand out.
04:56They don't want to be different.
04:57Yeah.
04:57They want to belong.
04:59And it can be tough growing up.
05:01You want acceptance.
05:02You want friends.
05:03And if people think you're different,
05:04they tend to keep you at an arm's length.
05:06At an arm's length.
05:06So that is extremely terrifying.
05:09Masti, what would you like to say to those people
05:11who shame us all celeb moms?
05:15People do feel a certain way and you can't block that out.
05:18I'm not saying that you have to engage with it,
05:20but you have to be aware that things exist.
05:22In terms of shaming and trolling,
05:24sometimes it's just people looking for attention.
05:26Yeah.
05:27And some things need to be ignored.
05:30Some things need to be engaged with.
05:32And often I've seen people be converted.
05:34Sometimes you can actually have a rational discussion
05:36with someone if they're open to changing their points of views.
05:39And you cannot please everyone.
05:40So just please yourself.