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00:00Welcome back, yeah, we outside
00:04Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back
00:08Welcome back
00:10If I leave they gon' want me back
00:12So let me step up to this mic
00:14Do it one more time
00:15I'm on fire and it cannot match
00:17So let me step up to this mic
00:19Do it one more time
00:20If I leave they gon' want me back
00:22So let me step up to this mic
00:24Do it one more time
00:25Cause I knew this thing so well
00:27And I'm never gon' fail
00:28Let's do it one more time.
00:30Pamela.
00:31What's going on?
00:33Cheddar pooped on the driveway, I rolled through it,
00:36and now I'm looking like Boo Boo the Fool.
00:38So, can you please help me wash this off with the hose?
00:41Well, good morning.
00:42Good morning to you.
00:44I'm Jay.
00:45I'm Pamela.
00:46What?
00:47Why did you look at me like that?
00:49That was so scary.
00:50You're not, ah, what?
00:53I'm Jay, I'm 28 years old, and this is my fiancee, Pamela.
00:57I'm Pamela, I am 30 years old, and this is my fiancee, Jay.
01:02And this is Cheddar.
01:03And this is Cheddar.
01:06You good, girl?
01:12See if I can get this hose going.
01:16I'm going to go in the grass over here.
01:18All right.
01:20All right, be careful.
01:23Oh, gosh.
01:24I'm coming.
01:25Oh, brother.
01:27We were both born with osteogenesis imperfecta type 3.
01:32OI for short.
01:34Which means we're both little people.
01:35We're both 3 foot 4 inches tall.
01:38Well, not necessarily we.
01:40I'm 3'4, you're 3'3, but OK.
01:43No, I'm 3'4, you say it.
01:45Uh-uh.
01:45We're an inch of difference.
01:46Either way, we're short, so it doesn't make a difference.
01:50Where is it?
01:51Right here.
01:51OK, I got it.
01:53Give it all you got.
02:00Our condition is super rare.
02:02My parents were told I wouldn't make it past 5 years old.
02:05They gave me less time.
02:07They said I would die before the age of 1 years old.
02:11Nick, made it.
02:12Made it.
02:13Yeah, I really made it.
02:15All fresh.
02:16With the car wash.
02:18All right, be careful.
02:20Careful.
02:21I know, I'm trying to go where to turn.
02:23With osteogenesis perfecta type 3, it causes fragile bones,
02:27so we break easily.
02:29Together, we've had over 400 fractures.
02:32And it can be something as simple as rolling out of bed,
02:34taking a deep breath.
02:36I literally have a broken rib right now.
02:39Tudor, I know you not talking when you did this, man.
02:41I know, what?
02:43I haven't even had my coffee today.
02:50You know what's my top favorite part about having a wife?
02:52What?
02:53It's because I got to meet you.
02:55Oh, please.
02:56Don't do it.
02:56Don't do it.
02:57Yeah.
02:58I can't wait no longer, I want to give you my heart.
03:03Amela and I have been together for about five years now.
03:06And I can't take being apart.
03:09We met online.
03:10She slid into my Instagram, and then I sent her my number.
03:14Since it was seduction, you know what I mean?
03:16So I was like, hey, let's get it, you know?
03:19And she is a very nice boy.
03:21So, like, I mean, it's nice, you know?
03:27And I really enjoy it.
03:32Are you hungry?
03:33I was living in Kansas City, Missouri,
03:35and Jay was living in Georgia.
03:37We dated long distance for about a year
03:39before I decided to pack up all my stuff,
03:42leave my family and everything behind,
03:45and move to Georgia.
03:48We ended up living in Jay's parents' basement
03:51because we were having trouble at the time
03:54looking at apartments because it was the middle of the pandemic.
03:57And ever since, we have struggled to find a place together
04:00that was accessible for us.
04:03We're fairly independent as far as taking care of ourselves.
04:07This is the way that we get in here,
04:11which that's why I got to, you know, stay fit,
04:14because I got to be able to transfer over here.
04:17Our bathroom is the most ADA space that we have
04:20because we have a custom shower bench.
04:23We are able to shower independently
04:25because we have a handle that we use.
04:27This is where all the magic happens.
04:31I have really mastered transferring
04:33because it can definitely cause serious injuries
04:36if we did fall during a transfer.
04:38Good girl.
04:53We don't live in my parents' house for free.
04:54We do pay rent.
04:56What?
04:56And we pay them to take those places as well,
04:59so I don't want to forget that.
05:00We're forking over the money for sure.
05:01All right.
05:04Oh, there you go.
05:05We both work from home.
05:06I work for a large corporate company.
05:09So I'm in the bilingual team.
05:12And I'm a music producer.
05:14Let's get into this beat.
05:17I'm known by the name of mini-producer.
05:20Wrong. Wrong.
05:28We've been putting money aside
05:30because our two biggest goals are to get married and move out.
05:34We want to get married, like, today.
05:35Yeah.
05:36We're definitely ready for a new chapter.
05:38Exactly.
05:39Especially, you know, once we're married, you know.
05:42That independence is key.
05:43It is.
05:44Living on our own is vital.
05:47Without trying to have sex.
05:48Plus.
05:50We don't want to be a married couple
05:51that doesn't have their own place.
05:54Yeah.
05:55We have been engaged for almost two years now.
05:58I love, I love, I love, I love this feeling.
06:02And we plan on getting married in three months.
06:04La, la, la, la.
06:06And also, I'm just really excited to go check out the wedding venue today.
06:12Oh, yes.
06:13I mean, this is my first time getting married.
06:14It'll be my best.
06:16Hey, I hope we are.
06:17The secret is revealed.
06:18Yes.
06:19Our dream wedding is a fall wedding, and we would love to incorporate my Mexican culture.
06:27Yes.
06:28Definitely.
06:29What else?
06:30What else?
06:31Okay, I would like a red carpet for the reception, because I feel like we should really make an
06:36entrance, you know what I mean?
06:38I love it.
06:39It's cute.
06:42Pamela?
06:43Honey, when can you get around to doing my nails?
06:47I will reach out to you, and we'll figure out a time, okay?
06:50All righty.
06:52All right.
06:53Love you.
06:54Okay.
06:55Love you too.
06:57We share a wall with my 80-year-old grandmother, and she's always coming in, and everyone's
07:02always coming into our space.
07:03Peek-a-boo.
07:04Peek-a-boo.
07:05Like, we love them, but, you know, privacy is really important.
07:08Good thing we're, like, dressed.
07:10Yeah.
07:11Yeah, for real.
07:12Imagine our whole booty out.
07:14Yo.
07:17She's the freak in the sheets.
07:19One time, when we had an intimate moment, she threw me against the wall.
07:26I was not expecting it.
07:28So, I just want that to be known.
07:30She is a freak.
07:31And all the sheets, every sheet, every layer.
07:34I had to get some meds.
07:35Yeah.
07:36So, yeah.
07:37So, what you got going for breakfast today?
07:43We have fresh toast with strawberries.
07:45If you would be so kind as to take that and put that on the table.
07:48I'm Renee.
07:49And I'm Raphael.
07:50And I'm Raphael.
07:51And we are the parents of Jay.
07:56Get in there.
08:01Look, I'm on my first cup of coffee.
08:03All right.
08:04Okay.
08:05Where are these children of ours?
08:07With those two, you never know.
08:08Jay and Pamela are both independent, exceptional people.
08:12Jay, he doesn't let his disability define him.
08:16Our goal has never been to pity him, but celebrate the things that he can do and encourage him to do things differently.
08:24Well, maybe you can encourage him to be on time.
08:28Thank you, babe.
08:37Good thing you got the muscles in this relationship.
08:40Yeah, we'd really be in trouble.
08:42I'm starving.
08:43Me too.
08:44I'm so ready to eat.
08:47We don't have breakfast with my parents every day because it's actually quite the journey to go from our basement all the way upstairs.
08:54I'm so glad it's not raining.
08:56For my parents and my grandmother, they just have to take the stairs.
08:59For us, we have to go outside, up our long driveway, through the garage, up the ramp, and then we make it into the house.
09:10Thank goodness for our power chairs is literally our freedom and independence.
09:15Without them, we're not moving anywhere.
09:18How y'all doing this morning?
09:19Oh, that looks good.
09:21Good morning.
09:22Y'all about to get eaten without y'all.
09:24I would have been so sad.
09:27It took a while to get ready because, you know, we got doctor's appointments because that's all we do around here.
09:32Jay was born a month and a half early?
09:35Five weeks.
09:36Five weeks early, yeah.
09:37He had six broken bones and the doctors knew something was wrong.
09:43They just didn't know what.
09:45Unfortunately, at the time, what was known about OI was very limited.
09:49It wasn't until 18 days in, NICU, they identified him as having...
09:57Is it not NICU?
09:58It's NICU.
09:59NICU?
10:00You.
10:01Okay, NICU.
10:02All right, all right.
10:03NICU.
10:04Then they identified him as having OI.
10:05They said even if he made it through birth, he had a very short life expectancy, so...
10:10They were right about the short part, but not the one aspect.
10:13They only got one aspect, right?
10:15I am short.
10:17He may be broken in some parts, but, buddy, he's smart.
10:21They still are.
10:23When you're pregnant and you're expecting a child, you have certain expectations on what
10:28you think your life is going to be.
10:30When you find out that your child has something wrong, it fractures.
10:38That fairytale and your reality quickly shifts.
10:44Not to mention, we were young parents.
10:47We were 23 and 25 years old.
10:50We got to say some grace, you old heathens.
10:55What's wrong with y'all?
10:56Hey, hey, man.
10:57Put that fork down.
10:58You lost your mind?
10:59Oh.
11:00You've been here long enough to know we say grace.
11:02Yeah.
11:03Jay?
11:05Well, we truly thank you for the notion of our achievement.
11:07We want to listen to Jay's name, but in case I say amen.
11:09Amen.
11:11What else is going on in your world?
11:13Surely y'all don't have just doctor's appointments.
11:15We also want to go check out a wedding venue.
11:18I do have a life outside of driving y'all around like Ms. Daisy.
11:21Yeah.
11:22Yikes.
11:23Don't be like that.
11:24I'm just saying.
11:25Look, you see how he is?
11:27The thing is, my parents really do balance each other out.
11:32Because, like, my mom's more of the emotional support type.
11:36And for my dad, that's always been a little bit harder.
11:39But he really does have a good heart, and he does me well.
11:42Of course, we appreciate you taking us to all the places that you take us.
11:46However, that won't be forever.
11:48So we're going to be getting up on out of here so we can be closer to our appointment.
11:52So you won't even have to worry about it.
11:54Y'all are trying to take on a whole lot of stuff at one time.
11:57You know, you're talking about wedding.
11:59Yeah.
12:00Then there's getting a place.
12:01We're ambitious.
12:02That requires moving.
12:03Yep.
12:04Which requires money.
12:05Well, we're trying to do a little cuckoo.
12:07There's a lot going on there.
12:08I know we tried to stress to them, just take on one thing at a time.
12:13But that's not what these young people do.
12:16They want to do all the things all at once.
12:20Mm-hmm.
12:21They adults.
12:23Bottom line, just make sure you guys are going in with a solid plan.
12:27And Bob, your uncle.
12:28Okay, I got a question.
12:30Uh-oh.
12:31Uh-oh.
12:32He's going to do all this cooking for you two.
12:34Oh.
12:35Right now, you're ordering carry-in or whatever they call it.
12:39Yeah.
12:40They were spending $800 a month.
12:43Wow.
12:44Not the numbers.
12:45On carry-out.
12:46Not the data.
12:47I forgot all about this.
12:48Not the receipts.
12:49He said, I got it.
12:50So I tell you what.
12:51Why don't you plan a meal for us?
12:54You could.
12:55Oh.
12:56I'll be happy to be your sous chef.
12:58Wow.
12:59I'm getting a video of this.
13:01I do appreciate having Jay's family.
13:03Because since I made the decision to move to Georgia, my relationship with my parents have become more distant.
13:11Your family, that's a whole other Oprah.
13:13I'll be honest.
13:14I do feel kind of hurt.
13:15Even though I do feel hurt, I would be lying if I didn't want my family here.
13:21Okay.
13:22That's enough.
13:23As a mother, I just, I, I just can't imagine not seeing my child for four years and knowing that my child is okay.
13:33Hello.
13:34Hello.
13:35Hello.
13:36Hello.
13:37Hello.
13:38We're super excited to be able to see this OI specialist.
13:41It's so necessary for us.
13:43Try and remember that if we don't move, then we will lose the ability to do so.
13:48Great.
13:49This is Pamela in Cleo.
13:51Woo!
13:52Oh, wow.
13:53Seeing myself from head to toe as a bride.
13:56I miss my family even more because my family hasn't came to visit Jay and I in the last four years.
14:06I miss them all.
14:07Like, what's the real reason why they haven't came down here?
14:13Moneystellen!
14:18Sit about a mile where you see me on the of course
14:20I know you see me on the street you see me in a porch
14:21A barrier that we have to go through when going out is honestly transportation.
14:26Hey, you three about ready?
14:28Headed your way!
14:29Because we have to rely on his dad and his schedule.
14:32Alright, good sir, you're looking sharp over there.
14:35See that you-
14:36Yeah, I got my, my shoes.
14:39When driving, because our bones break easily,
14:42if we go over a certain bump, we're very slight weight.
14:46And fragile.
14:47So we have our seatbelts on,
14:48and then we also have another strap that comes down.
14:51So we're actually very secure in the vehicle.
14:54OK, here we go.
14:56All for the day, and y'alls, y'all know,
14:58the meter started 20 bucks an hour.
15:01So y'all better make it good.
15:03Well, not for long.
15:05So you better get your money when you can.
15:07Oh, Lord, help us all.
15:09I bought this van when Jay was in kindergarten.
15:14That required me to sell my T-top Z-28.
15:20You're sounding a little bitter about that.
15:22It was a T-top Z-28.
15:25We got a conversion van.
15:26Somebody didn't want to drive a minivan.
15:29You going to make me give up a Z-28 for a minivan?
15:31You have lost it.
15:34I'm surprised you were able to find a specialist.
15:36Is she new at the hospital?
15:37Yes.
15:38Due to the limited knowledge that doctors have about OI
15:42in general, when you find a good one,
15:44it's great to maintain that.
15:46Absolutely.
15:47Yeah.
15:48We're super excited to be able to see this specialist.
15:51For us having a rare disorder, I think the biggest thing
15:54is just the lack of specialists that we can even see.
15:57We usually see a primary care doctor for Chekhov's, and so this is a really big deal.
16:06Just follow me.
16:07Yes, ma'am.
16:08Thank you so much.
16:09And she will be with you momentarily.
16:11Unfortunately, we're at that age that we're considered, you know, elders in the OI community
16:16because of our life expectancy because our disability is progressive as we age.
16:22So you got your questions?
16:23Oh, yeah.
16:24I got all my questions.
16:25And we want to live a long life, especially as a married couple.
16:29Oh.
16:30Hello.
16:31Hello.
16:32I'm Dr. O. Nice to meet you.
16:33Nice to meet you.
16:34Dr. Osheski.
16:35Nice to meet you.
16:36Nice to meet you.
16:37Osteogenesis imperfecta is very rare.
16:39And for orthopedics in general, once you get up into the adult world, we tend to subspecialize.
16:44So you have someone who treats shoulders, someone who treats back, someone who treats knees, ankles, feet.
16:50So it can be very difficult once you become an adult to find someone to take care of your total body.
16:56So we are here today to talk a little bit about you guys and how you're doing with life.
17:02That's great.
17:03With Osteogesis imperfecta, we don't have the importing collagen inside the bone.
17:11So you have the outside shell of the bone, and inside is what keeps the bone stable.
17:18And we have less of that.
17:20You're closer to me.
17:21You get to go first.
17:22Okay.
17:23Yeah, so I have had a lot of fractures.
17:26You know, stop keeping count, probably like 200-something fractures, who knows.
17:30Now I deal with a lot of chronic pain in my arms and in my back.
17:34I have a grab bag of disabilities.
17:36I have osteogenesis imperfecta type 3.
17:39I'm autistic.
17:40I'm hard of hearing, so I utilize hearing aids.
17:42However, you know, growing up, my access to medical care, my parents were very involved.
17:48My mom is a researcher by nature.
17:50So she was trying to find every, you know, program, treatment, whatever I could do to, you know, really have the best quality of life.
18:00Like, the first surgery that I had was at two years old.
18:03I definitely had a great level of access to medical care.
18:07That's so good.
18:08I know that's not everybody's experience.
18:10Yeah, because mine is the exact opposite.
18:12Exactly.
18:13I've had so many fractures as well, but I've never had surgery.
18:17I have severe scoliosis, of course, because it never got corrected before puberty.
18:24I wish I would have had more medical intervention growing up as a kid because I wouldn't have the issues that I have right now.
18:32I fracture way too often, and having surgeries when I was younger would have prevented that.
18:40Do you know why you never had scoliosis surgery?
18:45My parents are not, like, at the time, they weren't fluent in English.
18:50So, like, hearing a lot about, like, being paralyzed and having trouble, like, communicating with the doctor.
18:55Your translator is scary.
18:57They got scared.
18:58And so I just, we ended up not going back.
19:01Okay.
19:02Yeah.
19:03For my parents, trying to know, like, when is the right time to have surgery, and is it safe?
19:09And I'm sure it will be very confusing for my parents.
19:14So I try not to, like, hold it against them because they just probably didn't know much at the time.
19:22Okay. Open your hands up nice and wide.
19:24Give me circles on both sides.
19:26Criss-cross your fingers and thumbs up and down.
19:29And you feel me touching?
19:30Yes.
19:31Everything feels normal to you?
19:32Mm-hmm.
19:33And then how far do your elbows extend?
19:35Okay. So that's the tight one.
19:37This one's not so good either.
19:38When it comes to Dr. Osheski examining our bodies, they definitely were not Superman and Superwoman, as we found out.
19:47Okay. Can you raise your wrists up?
19:49You have some hard time on this side.
19:51Weak wrists?
19:52Mm-hmm.
19:53And you do lean over a fair bit?
19:55Yeah.
19:56Lean into our Pisa. Understood?
19:58And you feel like your sitting balance is good?
20:00It's fine, Kurt. Got it.
20:01Noted.
20:02Noted.
20:03Noted.
20:04Can you wiggle your ankles up and down?
20:05Can't flip those ankles up?
20:06Mm-hmm.
20:07Yeah.
20:08Noted.
20:09We see it.
20:10And what's the plan after you guys get married?
20:11Move.
20:12Okay.
20:13So, first thing would be we need to make sure that we're getting enough calcium in our diets.
20:17That should be helpful for your bones.
20:20With osteogenesis imperfecta, there is an increased risk of blood clots.
20:24There is an increased risk of wound healing issues.
20:27The most common cause of death is usually lung issues.
20:31Scoliosis can perpetuate a very small lung volume.
20:35So, unfortunately, that can lead to a clot that travels up and into the lungs.
20:41That can be, obviously, fatal.
20:44We need to move.
20:46The fact that now you're not really doing much of anything or you've slowed down your activity,
20:51it's like a vicious cycle, so you're going to start to lose the ability to do things.
20:56You're losing muscle strength, and weakness can lead to more pain.
21:00I deal with a lot of chronic pain, so us getting active and physical is really hard for both of us.
21:06Yeah.
21:07But she mentioned several times, you know, if you don't use it, you lose it.
21:10And we don't want to lose it.
21:13Have you heard, like, how do they feel?
21:16To put it bluntly, I guess they just aren't accepting.
21:19The wedding.
21:22I didn't realize how much I've been holding.
21:36I'm excited because this can potentially be the location where, like, we finally say I do, you know?
21:43Yeah, like, it's wild to think about.
21:46I hope we can fit through the door.
21:52Are you keeping that?
21:53Yes.
21:54You never know something, folks.
21:57Thanks.
21:59We were always serious about getting married.
22:02It's just a matter of when and where.
22:05Oh, the little twinkly lights.
22:07Oh, nice, like a little patio seating outside.
22:09So we've been doing a lot of research, looking at venues online to make sure they're wheelchair accessible.
22:16Okay, I like this before.
22:17Okay, ramp.
22:18I know, right?
22:19This is nice.
22:20And it's not too steep.
22:21And now it's like, it's really real.
22:22Not just top of the top of the walk or roll the roll.
22:25Roll the roll.
22:26Hi.
22:27Nice to meet you.
22:28Nice to meet you.
22:29I'm the venue manager here.
22:30I'm Jay and this is Pamela.
22:32I hear you guys have a big day coming up.
22:34Yes, around the corner.
22:35Yeah.
22:36Let's go take a look at our venue.
22:39These are our tables and chairs.
22:42We brought our own chairs, so we're good to build up.
22:44Oh, perfect.
22:45You guys came prepared?
22:46Yes.
22:47Yes.
22:48Oh, can we actually look at the restrooms first?
22:49Yeah.
22:50Are they accessible?
22:51Oh, yeah.
22:52Is there, like, a private restroom?
22:53Yeah, do you guys want to go check it out?
22:55Yes, cool.
22:56Yeah.
22:57For us, the most important part of any venue is the restroom.
23:00So two of the four bathrooms are accessible.
23:04So there's this one.
23:05Nice.
23:06This one actually connects to the bridal suite.
23:09Oh, I'm really lucky.
23:11Yeah.
23:12And it's so spacious.
23:13I can do a whole twirl in here.
23:14Yeah, exactly.
23:15You can be in your dress and give yourself a little twirl.
23:18We have to look at everything from an accessible lens
23:22because it's a lot harder for us physically to use the bathroom.
23:25It's very important that we're able to reach things.
23:29Imagine not being able to go on your big day.
23:32I want to try transferring to the toilet.
23:35Want to take off your jacket?
23:37Oh, yeah.
23:38Please.
23:39I just want to take off my seatbelt.
23:40I always take off my jacket when I go to the bathroom
23:42because I'm afraid it's going to dip in the toilet.
23:43Oh, my gosh.
23:44Especially because I actually like my jacket.
23:47Now, the good thing is, like I said, you taught me this trick about...
23:52Oh, I get closer.
23:54Oh, well, I like it like this.
23:56I line my chair up.
23:58It depends.
23:59Just for example's sake.
24:00Yeah, I move it closer once I'm on here.
24:03Oh.
24:04Okay.
24:05We're going to need to have the toilet paper closer
24:07because obviously neither one of us, you know, can reach.
24:11Would, like, the side table that we've got that's got our back stock,
24:15can we just push that forward and make that work for you?
24:18Oh.
24:19Does that work?
24:20Yeah, absolutely.
24:21That would be better.
24:22I love a good bathroom.
24:24Get out of here.
24:25The bathroom has some space.
24:27That is a nice bathroom.
24:29It would be nice if we just used this bathroom just for the two of us.
24:34Yeah.
24:35Yeah, absolutely.
24:36They got three.
24:37Yeah, they got three whole bathrooms to themselves.
24:38Yeah, so...
24:39It's your day.
24:40We'll make sure you guys get your own private bathroom.
24:44You got it.
24:45I don't know that I've ever had that much excitement around our bathroom,
24:48but I'm so glad to see that us making the space accessible
24:53make such a difference for them.
24:55So this is our bridal suite.
24:58You can get in, okay?
24:59A little tight.
25:00Hold on.
25:01All right.
25:02I'm gonna back up.
25:03Okay.
25:04Sorry, it's a little tight.
25:06I wanna rip off your door.
25:07Do you need any help?
25:08I'm okay.
25:10Got it.
25:11This is really cute, but definitely the day of the wedding,
25:14we might have to remove some items.
25:17That's fine.
25:18How long have y'all been engaged?
25:19Almost two years.
25:20Nice!
25:21When we met, Jay had like a series on social media,
25:26like a music review show.
25:28And I would participate in the comments and things like that.
25:31And then he not only reached out to me, but gave me his number.
25:35And I was like, oh, okay.
25:36You're really bold.
25:37And then we started texting for a little bit,
25:39but then our first conversation on the phone was two hours long.
25:44And then we met up.
25:45I went to go see her in Missouri two times.
25:47Yeah.
25:48You had to snatch me up because I had options.
25:50So you're like, hey, no.
25:51Yeah.
25:55We're gonna have like 30 people here.
25:56So it should hold enough for like here.
25:59Yeah.
26:00It's huge.
26:01We have a bunch of different options that you can do.
26:04We would love to incorporate my Mexican culture.
26:08Yes.
26:09How are you gonna go Mexican traditional without all of the color, right?
26:12Yeah.
26:13That's true.
26:14We're gonna have a traditional wear in the beginning.
26:16And then we're gonna put on, you know, some Mexican culture attire.
26:20Some Mexican attire clothing for the party.
26:23For the party.
26:24Yes.
26:25Yes.
26:26We're gonna do a lot of dancing, right?
26:27A lot of dancing.
26:28Which I'm not a great dancer.
26:29I know.
26:30You're not much of a dancer.
26:31No.
26:32But you know, you gotta be my dance partner.
26:33Yes.
26:34Especially my husband.
26:35So.
26:36Yeah.
26:37I gotta get into it.
26:38Get the shimmy.
26:39Okay?
26:40Your wife is a dancer.
26:41Yeah.
26:42I think this is great.
26:43Yeah, I'm excited.
26:44All right.
26:45Well, let's get it.
26:48Looking at a venue and start to envision, like, where we can become Mr. and Mrs., that's
26:57really exciting to picture.
27:00Are you practicing your walk down the aisle?
27:05Yes.
27:06Oh, I love it.
27:07Yes.
27:08And then I kiss your hand or something?
27:10Yes.
27:11Oh, okay.
27:12There we go.
27:13Okay.
27:14Adorable.
27:15I love it.
27:31I have lived in Georgia for four years, and my family hasn't came to visit Jay and I in
27:37the last four years.
27:39I'm not sure why they are hands off.
27:42I have a big Catholic Mexican family.
27:45My parents immigrated from Chihuahua, Mexico, and I have an older sister and two little
27:51brothers, so I'm the middle child.
27:54I am the first child.
27:57Hey, my mom.
27:58Oh, what's up?
27:59Oh, what are you doing?
28:00Okay.
28:01What are you doing?
28:02Just going for a walk, just like work.
28:05OK.
28:07It's getting really cold over here in Georgia.
28:09Our doctor's appointment really got me thinking
28:13about things that I'm dealing with, mostly
28:17with my family back in Missouri.
28:19Are you still excited coming to the wedding?
28:22Yes, ma'am.
28:23OK.
28:25My brother and I, Juan Pablo, we have been really close
28:29throughout my life, and since he is living in my parents' house,
28:33I'm hoping that he has more insight on what's going on
28:37and if they're planning to come to our wedding.
28:40Have you heard anything about, like,
28:43how do they feel about Jay?
28:45I mean, I've heard here and there, but yeah, I mean,
28:48it just feels like, to put it bluntly,
28:51I guess they just aren't accepting of the wedding, per se.
28:59I guess the definition of family is, like, being there.
29:07Right.
29:09Buenas y las malas, like, for good and bad.
29:13So, I really appreciate you coming.
29:18Because I feel less alone.
29:20It just sucks, it really does suck.
29:30I think that a lot of things, you know,
29:32we don't understand, per se, but do what you feel is right,
29:37you know?
29:37Yeah.
29:38I think they'll come around when they start
29:41to see things that way.
29:42Yeah.
29:43I feel disappointed that my parents and I are more distant.
29:48And I didn't realize how much I've been holding until recently.
30:04Because I love my family a lot.
30:07Even they always have complications, like, I do need them.
30:16Oh, wow.
30:17That was really dramatic.
30:19Going wedding dress shopping, it feels like, almost like a dream.
30:23I thought it was feathers.
30:25I'm, like, looking like a turkey on my wedding day.
30:27I was like, oh, wow.
30:39I'm so glad I came with you.
30:40Today I asked Renee and Abuelita Beverly to join me
30:45wedding dress shopping because, unfortunately, my mom and sister
30:49are not close enough to make it so easily.
30:52And as grateful as I am that his family is now my family,
30:56I do feel a little lost, because I don't have that, like, experience.
31:10I understand the distance is far, it's financially taxing,
31:15but we have offered help with travel,
31:20and so there's only so much that I can say,
31:24and at this point, it does come off that I just dropped off
31:29at his parents' doorstep and, like, take her.
31:36Wish me luck, hopefully I find the one.
31:39Exactly, besitos. Besitos.
31:42All right, I love you, be safe. I love you too.
31:45Even though that things are not perfect with my family dynamic,
31:49I'm really excited for, like, this new chapter in my life.
31:52All right, I love you. I love you, have fun.
31:54All right, you too. Be safe.
31:56You too.
31:57All right, Pamela.
31:59Okay.
32:00You ready?
32:02I really wasn't sure if I would to ever get married at some point.
32:07So even, like, going wedding dress shopping, it feels like almost like a dream.
32:12And who have we brought with us today, my love? Is mom with us?
32:16My mother-in-law, Renee.
32:17Okay.
32:18And my grandmother-in-law, Renee.
32:19Okay.
32:20And my grandmother-in-law, Ms. Beverly.
32:21Beautiful.
32:22Okay.
32:23It's wonderful to meet you, lovely ladies.
32:25My family side is in a different state, so I couldn't make it.
32:26Okay.
32:27I got you.
32:28But I'm grateful that they made it.
32:29Exactly. We love a good support system.
32:30Yes.
32:31Family is what you make it.
32:32Exactly.
32:33I would say I'm honored that she invited me to go wedding dress shopping.
32:36I didn't have that experience because we did Justice of the Beast, so I'm pretty excited.
32:59Well, tell us a little bit about, Kana, what you're looking for.
33:02Is this your first time trying?
33:03I've had ideas here and there, but I'm open to options.
33:07You're gorgeous.
33:08I do like glitter.
33:10Okay.
33:11I like that a lot.
33:12I'm speaking our own language.
33:13So definitely just see what you're drawn to, and then we'll do our work.
33:16That's our job, though.
33:17Yeah, that's ours.
33:18All right.
33:19Let's get to looking at some dresses.
33:21Okay.
33:24Oh, wow.
33:25Check that out.
33:26This is kind of interesting.
33:28It's too squared.
33:30As we're looking at all of the dresses, Pamela's really excited about being here.
33:36Oh, wow.
33:37That was really dramatic.
33:38I thought it was feathers.
33:40I'm, like, looking like a turkey on my wedding day.
33:43I definitely feel like I am substitute mother for her.
33:48All right.
33:49Are we ready?
33:50Yes.
33:51Okay, girl.
33:52You can come on in here.
33:53Yeah.
33:54Let me know when y'all are ready, and we'll go from there, okay?
33:57All right.
33:58Yes, ma'am.
33:59We're gonna have some fun.
34:00I go behind the curtain to try on dresses, and I know it's going to be a process.
34:07I can't walk or stand, so I try to shimmy my weight in the dress.
34:14I just want to make sure we get this, like, low enough.
34:17Just a little bit.
34:18I personally have never worked with a bride of Pamela's height.
34:21However, I've had brides in wheelchairs.
34:23I've had brides that have had to accommodate for crutches, so they've taken extra material
34:26from their dress to wrap around to accommodate for that.
34:29We just want her to be able to feel like the bride that she is just stunning, happy, and beautiful.
34:33She deserves it just like everybody else does.
34:34I just wanted to be able to pull this down.
34:36You're fine.
34:37Also, it's very frustrating that my ribs break so easily.
34:43Like, I've broken my arm, just put it on a shirt, so we need to be careful.
34:47I don't break another rib.
34:49And now the fun begins.
34:51Oh, yes.
34:52This is Pamela in Cleo.
34:55Woo!
34:56Oh, wow.
34:57What are y'all thinking?
35:00Come on out.
35:01We love the beating.
35:02We love the drama.
35:03We love the extra.
35:04Oh, I love the swivel.
35:05Yes, ma'am.
35:06I love it.
35:07And it's so soft, huh?
35:08That is amazing.
35:09And it's got a little bit of sexy in the middle, you know?
35:12Yeah.
35:13That's gorgeous.
35:14It's a good maybe.
35:15Okay.
35:17On to the next.
35:18All right.
35:19And love the reveal.
35:20Yeah.
35:21Pamela in Miranda.
35:23Oh, wow.
35:24Oh, wow.
35:25Ooh.
35:26Beautiful.
35:27Look at you.
35:28So she can have a little bit of drama.
35:30Yes.
35:31Gorge.
35:32How do you feel in it?
35:33I really like it.
35:34I do have a wonderful, perfect veil for this gorgeous dress.
35:38Okay.
35:39I'm just smiling silently because that's my favorite.
35:40This is literally her favorite veil.
35:42And so what we're going to do, you're good, boo.
35:45Let's go just like that.
35:47Okay.
35:48Oh.
35:49I really love it.
35:50You are stunning.
35:51Seeing myself from head to toe as a bride is like a shock because I also have never really
36:07seen much like little people getting married.
36:11You okay?
36:12Yeah.
36:13With the veil, it looks more like serious.
36:14It's real.
36:15It gets real.
36:16With the veil, it's like, oh, I'm a bride bride.
36:19Yeah.
36:20Yeah.
36:21I think Jay is going to be amazed at how beautiful she is in any dress that she picks out.
36:30You are a bride, hon.
36:32Mm-hmm.
36:33Yeah.
36:34I'm just so grateful for the experience.
36:36Oh, I'm glad we could help you.
36:37It was our pleasure, girl.
36:38You are incredible.
36:39Thank you both.
36:41You look absolutely amazing.
36:43Yes.
36:44I'm grateful that you guys are here.
36:46Aw.
36:47Let me grab some tissue.
36:48Yeah.
36:49I wasn't expecting to cry.
36:51No.
36:52No.
36:53It's okay.
36:54It's all right.
36:55You look amazing.
36:56Yes.
36:57I love you both very much.
36:59Mm-hmm.
37:00I love you, too.
37:01I found a few, maybe, dresses, but at the same time, like, throughout the process,
37:06I miss my family even more because I really miss them.
37:19In a way, I do feel abandoned sometimes.
37:25There's a possibility of my parents coming to visit, and they're like, hey, I don't approve
37:44this marriage.
37:45hey, I don't approve this marriage.
37:47You know, I think about like, what if it's me?
38:03How is wedding dress shopping?
38:06Did you say something?
38:07How is wedding dress shopping?
38:09It was a lot of fun.
38:10Definitely had a few favorites.
38:12Well, I'm excited to see you.
38:13I know.
38:14I'm gonna go ahead and blow out the candle.
38:17Put Chad in a bed while you get yourself together.
38:44You're okay, baby.
38:46Hey, you're okay.
38:48It's okay.
38:51You can hear her all the way around the world.
38:55I know.
38:56She said, let's go to bed.
38:58I want to hear more about this talk that you had with Warren.
39:03Well, you know, I told him that I miss them all and it's been five years.
39:08Yeah.
39:09They only met you once.
39:10Mm-hmm.
39:11He said that he will talk to them and see what's going on.
39:13Like, why?
39:14Like, why?
39:15Like, what's the real reason why they haven't came down here?
39:18You know, I think about, like, what if it's me, you know?
39:21Something a lot of people don't know about me is I am a transgender man.
39:24Once I started talking to me, I was like, what's going on, like, what's going on?
39:25Like, why?
39:26Like, what's the real reason why they haven't came down here?
39:31You know, I think about, like, what if it's me, you know?
39:36Something a lot of people don't know about me is I am a transgender man.
39:47Once I started to realize that I was actually a guy, it was probably somewhere in high school,
39:58however, I just didn't have the words to articulate.
40:01how I felt. I had been out to my family for over five years now and I'm just
40:08really grateful that I have you know a great partner and my parents are
40:13accepting off the bat. Jay was a boy. Jay was assigned at birth as female. For
40:22years we had a daughter and so there's things that you visualize being able to
40:28do and so it was I would say a little bit of secret mourning that that was not
40:35going to be Jay but then saying okay this is who Jay is at the end of the day I
40:43just want Jay to be happy. I would do anything for my son no matter what that
40:48support looks like. Jay is Jay and I will always love him no matter what. It's
40:54really something that has been a journey and so yeah I'm I'm really happy to be
40:59able to talk about it and have people get to know who I am. You're amazing. Thank
41:04you. Ever since you've been in my life like it's been better and so I want them
41:11to feel that joy too that you're an amazing guy. When my parents met Jay back
41:17in 2019 they didn't know that Jay was transgender. I wanted her family to get
41:23to know me first because I feel like a lot of times like if people just got to
41:27know someone they probably would like them more than they realize. I know you
41:33told me it's not my fault like I mean I am who I am I'm not like gonna like it
41:38change tomorrow like. No you're perfect away. You know but like if I was just
41:43born male like everything would probably be fine and everybody could like move on
41:47with life and you just think about it. I think it's me too. Yeah. I mean I always felt like a
41:53burden growing up so like maybe they're kind of like oh we finally got rid of her.
41:57And it sucks that you feel that way that it's your fault I'm like oh no maybe it's my fault.
42:04I definitely appreciate my parents because like they've shown that they've cared and and having
42:11things you know accessible as much as possible to us. I know that's not everybody's experience with
42:18having support like this. I mean his parents rented a van during the pandemic to come and pick me up.
42:26Some lady he met on the internet to come and pick me up. And then there's like parents who haven't come to visit Jay and I in the last four years.
42:37Sometimes you got to create your own family you know your chosen family and
42:44stuff if it doesn't if it doesn't work out the way that you know you're wanting it to.
42:48There is a possibility of them coming to visit and they're like hey I don't approve this marriage I
42:57don't approve that you're marrying someone who is a transgender man. Honestly at this point in my
43:05life I would choose you.
43:18So what do you guys have going on today? I am going on with plans to drive.
43:36What? People are always making assumptions about us. You got this. We know what we're capable of. Go
43:46Pamela let go. You're driving. Now bring us to a stop.
43:49Oh! I'm sorry.
43:53Babe! What? We have to get ready.
43:55We have a lot in our plate right now. Let's go over your cake design.
44:00They are planning a wedding. This is where you wear your pants where my finger is.
44:05Jay. And decide that they want to move out. I mean who does that?
44:09Jay and Pamela. When do you need to be in your home?
44:13We would like to be free on our wedding night.
44:16Speaking of which if we have more privacy I could fix that scoliosis for you. You know what I'm saying?
44:21Because we have a disability can't mean we can't be sexy.
44:24Yeah we got disability to look good.
44:26This one is a three bedroom. Two bath.
44:29Okay.
44:30Can't even get in.
44:32If we don't get to move out into our own place like that's going to ruin our wedding plans.
44:36Okay.
44:37If he backs up I'm just afraid he's going to like.
44:39Tip out her?
44:40Yes.
44:41Jay went to the hospital a couple of days ago.
44:45It's like very terrifying really.
44:48So are you going to have to cancel the wedding?
44:51They did a scan of his heart.
44:53Dang.
44:54With type 3 OI heart and lung issues is the leading cause of death.
45:04Welcome!
45:06It's my first time in Georgia and I'm just happy to see my sister.
45:10All this time that she's been here her family's just been MIA.
45:16Do you think our parents are coming to the wedding?
45:24I mean your dad do not even have the guts to talk to you to his own daughter.
45:29But he wants to question someone else's manhood.
45:32I feel like it's very weak as a man.
45:36Hello.
45:38Right in there.
45:40I keep thinking about if my parents are going to show up.
45:44I just feel like if I was the parent like I wouldn't miss my kid's wedding.
45:49Nobody else is showing up.
45:52My man.