Espresso Your Love
Breanna and Arnaz learn they are complete opposites after taking a compatibility test on Valentine's Day. Sara launches a dating service.
Breanna and Arnaz learn they are complete opposites after taking a compatibility test on Valentine's Day. Sara launches a dating service.
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00:00I wanna be close to ya. I wanna be close. I wanna be close to ya. So close.
00:12Brianna, those cookies look really good. Can I have one?
00:15Ah! These cookies are for Arnaz, my valentine, because I love him.
00:20If anybody loved you, they would make you some cookies.
00:23If I was getting some lovin', I wouldn't need cookies.
00:28I hate Valentine's Day. Why hasn't Cupid ever shot me with his arrow?
00:35Does it have to be an arrow?
00:38Self-loathing attitudes like yours, Lisa, is why I love Valentine's Day.
00:42All those lonely, desperate women looking for the man of their dreams.
00:45And when he doesn't show up, what do they do with all their love?
00:48They deposit it. In the cash machine.
00:52You know, Cash, how could you be so cold and insensitive, man?
00:55Valentine's Day is the day to celebrate. It's a time for love and giving.
01:00Don't you agree, Brianna?
01:01You can't have a cookie either.
01:04Good news, everybody. My plan to solve my money problems forever is in motion.
01:10Congratulations. Who's a rich old man and what's he dying of?
01:14I said good news, not my dream come true.
01:18Anyways, you know how I've been saying I want to start my own business?
01:21Well, I've decided to become a matchmaker.
01:23I mean, who knows as much about dating as I do?
01:26Heidi Fleiss doesn't know as much about dating as you do.
01:29Anyway, all those dating agencies and websites out there make a ton of money.
01:34I mean, why shouldn't I be the one to exploit all those lonely, desperate losers?
01:38You are heartless, Sarah. You disgust me.
01:42I'll give you a discount.
01:44I'm in.
01:46Yeah.
01:47But sometimes it's like.
01:48You can feel all by yourself.
01:51Make some crazy.
01:53That's what it's because it doesn't.
01:54What a true love we are from.
01:59Living one-on-one.
02:01One-on-one.
02:02Can't nobody break this bond, living one-on-one.
02:06Now we having fun.
02:09One-on-one.
02:11happy day before valentine's day valentine oh baby they're beautiful almost as beautiful as you
02:26oh my god they're perfect they're exactly what i need uh well these are for brianna
02:32you can get y'all on the corner just look for a guy in a black van with a mercedes grill
02:39no not the roses i'm talking about you and brianna i just finished telling these guys how i started my
02:46own matchmaking business well where i come from they call it pippin hello spotlight on sarah this
02:53is important this is my chance to be better than all of you now tomorrow night i'm having my kickoff
02:59party at the blog on valentine's day and with you two there is a testament to my matchmaking skills
03:05brianna and i were a couple before we even met you yeah but the singles who'll be signing up for
03:10my service won't know that the perfect couple is the best endorsement so you want them to lie and
03:16say they met through you no i just want them to tell people how happy they are and not tell them
03:22they didn't meet through me so lie no just not tell the whole truth yeah lie okay lie that's the first
03:32rule of business i thought the first rule of business is the customer is always right and that's
03:37a lie i don't know do you really think we're the perfect couple of course oh heck what's a little
03:49white lie for our little white friend oh this is great now all i need you guys to do is to fill out
03:56this compatibility questionnaire for sarah's soulmates and then bring it with you tomorrow
04:01night to the kickoff party likes and dislikes well that's easy i like them naked and i dislike them
04:08talking hey why did ronessa and i take one too what we don't need to take a test i watched save the last
04:17dance 175 times with you that's not being tested i don't know what is i know baby come on it'll be
04:24fun besides we already know we're the perfect couple oh my god we are complete opposites
04:35since when do you prefer mountains over the ocean since i found out sharks don't attack on land
04:41well do you know what does happened on land um
04:45brianna just a stupid quiz that sarah probably got from some goofy women's magazine
04:52right sarah actually the questions were compiled from several different studies based on satisfaction
04:58and personal relationships who asked you besides i always suck at tests huh that's a shocker
05:05well i've always said opposites attract oh that's just something desperate people say when they've
05:14dropped their standards as low as they can go and that's where i swoop in will there be girls with
05:22low self-esteem at your mixer of course great competition i cannot believe this i have nothing in
05:30common with my boyfriend and i have nothing in common with you see now we have something in common
05:36then after you guys went to bed brianna made me retake the stupid test i did even worse
05:58my re-retest is at noon but i'm passing this one
06:03well brianna likes the ocean brianna likes brownies brianna hates coffee dude brianna loves coffee
06:11damn hand me a sharpie
06:14ew heart-shaped pancakes it's valentine's day why don't you scrub my face in it
06:22hey i'm just trying to cheer brianna up they're her favorites your shoulder says waffles the other one
06:32hey brianna happy valentine's day oh pancakes well i guess i can eat those oh no no i make pancakes for
06:42everybody else for you i'm making waffles because they're your favorite so happy valentine's day
06:52oh happy valentine's day ah so we can put all this silly quiz stuff behind us no we sure can
06:59this afternoon after we get a perfect score on our re-retest
07:02right the re-retest i can't wait wait oh good my perfect couple is perfect again
07:13now listen lovebirds i just want you guys to speak from your hearts tonight
07:17so here i wrote you a speech feel free to say what you want just as long as you stick to what's on the
07:24page
07:42and hey
07:44yes we held each other through
07:47all these days we lie together we cry together we fly together together
08:03thank you kendra you can purchase our cd at the counter along with some very tasty dale blueberry muffins
08:11hey benjamin thanks again for letting me use the blog the decorations look great don't you think
08:20yeah oh and you know what i'd like to see hanging next to those adorable red hearts my dead body
08:27i hate valentine's day
08:31i couldn't agree more you know valentine's day is my favorite holiday in fact it means so much to me
08:38i call it love this merry love miss girl
08:43oh and i don't skimp when it comes to dental floss you know the chief kind of shrubs it to my teeth and
08:48makes my gums bleed
08:55you having a good valentine's day not really huh that surprises me
09:02what could a beautiful girl like you have to be sad about
09:04you don't want to hear about it well i'm not leaving until you feel better
09:15that's right let it out let me in
09:22oh you got me the soundtracks the cats oh the phantom of the opera
09:27oh and evita see you do know me of course i do that's why we got a perfect score on our compatibility
09:37re-re-test
09:40oh what's our favorite month
09:42july
09:46can you believe this turnout this can make me rich i am finally becoming that successful independent
09:52woman that i've always dreamed of being unless i meet a doctor
09:59oh baby quick open your gift okay
10:04hello everybody i'm sarah and i'd like to welcome you to sarah's soulmates
10:10oh my god this is the same one that lenny kravitz is wearing in his album cover oh i know
10:21well except he could wear his in the shower the guy in the van said this one might leave a green stain
10:28here try it on uh you don't have to do that no no i want to see it on you and if you don't meet your
10:34soulmate tonight i guarantee you for a mere 29.95 a month i will personally help you find them and if
10:42you pay cash i guarantee they'll be american but now i'd like to bring up a couple who can attest to
10:49the happiness that they found through sarah's soulmates please welcome to the stage brianna and arnez
10:56you cheated uh but no no but you cheated because you know we're not the perfect couple we don't
11:06belong together the writing's on the arm
11:12what is going on with you two you are messing with my future do you think i want to live with
11:16you people forever look i'm sorry sarah i guess arnez and i aren't the together forever no matter
11:23the weather couple after all look i never wanted to take this stupid quiz in the first place i've been
11:32trying all day to please you and nothing is working i only cheated to get you off my back
11:36oh really okay i'm off your back wait wait
11:54good news everybody i've tracked down our perfect couple please welcome to the stage brianna and arnez
12:13yo what's up yeah what's up yo we just wanted to come up here and say a few words you know share
12:31our thoughts about brianna and arnez's love you're them dumb ass oh i mean about our love our love yeah
12:42we're in love the kind of love where you can't keep your hands off each other you know being in a
12:51relationship is a wonderful thing but it isn't always easy you know because no two people are alike and
12:59nobody's perfect but when you love each other as much as we do and i really really love this man
13:07oh my god it feels so good to say that out loud excuse me brianna and arnez when you met through all my
13:15dedicated work did you know right away that you would be soulmates oh of course um you don't meet
13:24someone like arnez and not know what a wonderful guy he is um excuse me brianna cute name by the way
13:33you say how wonderful arnez is but how much do you really know each other i mean you seem so different
13:40yeah you guys must fight a lot you seem cool arnez but you brianna you seem stubborn
13:46well you know sure sometimes we fight damn girl you strong but you know luckily we have very
13:58understanding and good-looking roommates and uh they remind us that the love we have is the kind of love
14:05everybody's looking for and they also say not to throw it away over something as stupid as a test
14:11test testy moment right arnez kiss me
14:22happy valentine's day everybody dreams do come true
14:41and then my 14th boyfriend left me because i didn't wear enough skirts
15:02and then my 15th boyfriend he left me because my parakeet made too much noise
15:07and then i get it men leave you for any number of reasons well guess what we all got problems
15:18i grew up with no father i wore my sister's hand-me-downs matter of fact this is her sweater
15:23my film career is in the toilet i hide in garbage to take pictures of b-list celebrities just so i can
15:28afford the privilege of sharing a room with two other dudes wow you really had it tough i know hold me
15:42sorry you have a lot of baggage and i prefer to travel light
15:46good luck to you though and look really nice in that sweater
15:59girl do you have to sit so close to me
16:03doing this for sarah for her sake we still have to pretend we're brianna and arna's
16:08yes sell it put your hand on my thigh oh my god are you grinding my leg no not unless you like it
16:20lisa
16:20hey you guys tonight was a huge success you're the best roommates ever
16:28trust me it was our pleasure you owe me and after i make my fortune i may even give you my forwarding address
16:42has anybody seen brianna and arnaz trick question we're right here
16:56hey baby where have you been i've been worried just went for a walk
17:07well are we okay
17:12yeah it's just been a weird valentine's day i know baby look i'm sorry i freaked out about that test
17:20i just got so caught up in the whole idea of us being the perfect couple yeah well you need to give
17:25that up because i'm far from perfect except for my abs wait snickers that's not my favorite candy bar
17:35oh that's for me i'm going to the store later you are so cute
17:45look i don't know what got into me i think that whole opposites thing just threw me i mean
17:51my parents are opposites and look how that turned out but the good thing is we're not them yeah but we
18:00have been fighting a lot i know but we make up yeah but it seems like we're always making up
18:09speaking of which we still have ten minutes left of valentine's day so what do you want to do
18:16i'm pretty beat i got up at six o'clock this morning to make you pancakes i mean waffles
18:27i got a class early tomorrow morning i think i'm just gonna crash
18:31i got a class oh okay
18:43good night
19:01hey the bathroom's clean hey where is everybody oh they took off the second you went to clean the
19:13bathroom
19:16where they go said not to tell you even dmack okay he's the one who said not to tell you
19:25i hate valentine's day oh me too
19:34would you like a cup of coffee we have a lot of cleaning up to do and we could be here all night
19:40long i love some oh cool actually it's kind of hot i'll say i'm talking about the coffee
19:59love you daddy love you too netta