Dave & Chuck the freak talk about an e-mail that was sent by a listener who had a big problem at work when he applied something to his hemorrhoid.
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00:00So this email came in.
00:11Dave and Chuck the Freak at WRIF.com.
00:13I won't say his name.
00:14He didn't tell me not to, but it's pretty embarrassing.
00:16Yeah.
00:17I'm sure he doesn't want me using it.
00:18He said, I had hemorrhoids, guys.
00:21Real bad.
00:22Boy.
00:23Yep.
00:24I talked to a friend about it.
00:25And he told me the best thing to do, put coconut oil on them.
00:33Okay.
00:34He said, I've got to say, it actually worked really well.
00:39Loop them up.
00:40I did, he said.
00:42I went to work, though, without knowing that it would seep through my pants.
00:49I was wearing light pants.
00:52We had a meeting.
00:53It was all over the chair.
00:56Oh, Jesus.
00:56And all over my ass crack when I stood up.
01:00You got some kind of anal oil.
01:03So it appears your butt is leaking.
01:05Yes, it is.
01:07What would you think?
01:08Like if Chuck turned around right now and he had like an oily line of stuff.
01:12And there was oil on my chair.
01:14I would think that he had problems.
01:14I would think that he had problems.
01:18I would think that he had problems.
01:21I would just be like, well, that's my friend.
01:24And he had some problems.
01:26I'm having some problems.
01:26I'm having some problems.
01:29You're like, you don't learn anything from her.
01:34You don't learn anything from Lisa.
01:36No, he had problems.
01:37Just like, but she like, if she started that, like she was going to really answer you.
01:42Yes.
01:42Oh, yes.
01:43Oh, Dave.
01:44Oh, like I would think for sure.
01:46I would think he has problems.
01:52And she skates right away from me.
01:54Yeah.
01:54She was like, whoa, that was close.
01:55No problems though.
01:57At least if it was like a, you know, the color of problems.
02:01Yeah, but you would think that it was even a bigger problem.
02:08Not that, geez, that isn't even what I would have thought.
02:12It's even bigger.
02:15It's a bigger problem.
02:17Because it's not the normal problem.
02:20It's an oil problem.
02:22It's clear.
02:22It's a clear problem.
02:24He's got serious problems.
02:27Okay, so how does this happen?
02:29Did I take a bottle of it and just pour it right in there?
02:34No, you probably did.
02:35You probably slathered it, right?
02:36Like you were in so much pain.
02:37It was in the congealed form.
02:41Yeah, it was in the coolest state.
02:42So I head into work.
02:43I slather it up there like I'm frosting a cupcake.
02:46Yeah, and then all of a sudden.
02:47And then I slip on my pants.
02:49And then I'm getting to work, running into a meeting.
02:51I'm sitting in a hot chair and then.
02:54Oh, and I've been there.
02:56So, trust me.
02:59You put coconut oil on your butt?
03:01No, but what he.
03:02I wish.
03:03Turns out.
03:07But you're looking for some comfort.
03:11And you're looking for comfort during the day.
03:13You know what I mean?
03:14Daytime comfort.
03:14Like if I had a blazing hemorrhoid right now, I would be in a lot of pain.
03:20Sitting down here doing this?
03:21Sure.
03:22You know, you guys would see it.
03:23I'd be sweating in here.
03:24I'd be like, oh, anybody have coconut oil?
03:28I do, but I wouldn't let you use it.
03:30Sorry.
03:30Of course she has it, though.
03:32Of course she does have some.
03:34Yeah.
03:34Of course she does have some.
03:35Oh, I thought, oh, your butt?
03:37No.
03:38That would be something to carry that around.
03:40No, you just can't have any.
03:42I'll put it right on your ass.
03:43I guess if you're going to use it, you.
03:47It's just tiny.
03:47What I would do is I'd warm it up first.
03:51Give your little dab or do you.
03:53You know what I mean?
03:53Like I'd just get a little bit.
03:59And then Jack's going to apply it to his back door.
04:01Oh, that feels good.
04:03You know, like, ooh, relief.
04:06Well, he says it definitely worked, but the embarrassment was.
04:09You just got to go dark pants if you're.
04:11Well, you can't.
04:12I don't think you'll still see a line of something, even in dark pants.
04:16You can't.
04:16And if I wear, like, an adult diaper or something absorbent underneath.
04:20Or you got to just not go with it during the day.
04:23If my ass is making a snail trail everywhere I sit, too, there's probably not much that I can.
04:29That's so embarrassing.
04:30So bad.
04:31Your anal coconut juice has leaked all over the office chair.
04:33I smell great.
04:34It smells great.
04:36You're like, oh, what a twist.
04:38Like, what would that do to Dave?
04:39Dave comes in here.
04:40There's like, oh, this smells amazing.
04:44What, Lisa?
04:45What are you wearing?
04:46Oh, Chuck!
04:48It's Chuck's ass!
04:49That's my butthole.
04:51I thought you would never like coconuts again, Dave.
04:53Never?
04:54No.
04:54That would change everything.
04:55That would be the end of that.
04:56Ruined.
04:57Oh, yeah, Dave.
04:58If I associate coconuts with Chuck's butthole, that is the end of tropical vacations.
05:02Oh, yeah.
05:02You're, like, done with islands.
05:04That's it.
05:05Get me from the beach.
05:06You know what's crazy, though?
05:10If I come in here smelling of coconuts one day, you know what it is.
05:15You know I've had just a horrible time.
05:18Have you ever had hemorrhoids before?
05:19Oh, yeah.
05:19Oh, you have.
05:20Oh, I didn't know.
05:21So you'll try the coconut oil trick if you ever get them again?
05:24Listen, I'll tell you.
05:25I'll do whatever.
05:25I'll try whatever.
05:27Okay, at least wear some absorbent undergar.
05:29You have diapers up there.
05:30You can put them on, right?
05:32Yeah, but I'm just saying, it would be nice to have it hidden, you know?
05:37Like, for you guys to not realize if I smell like coconuts.
05:39Chuck comes in here and his pants are rustling and he smells like coconuts.
05:42We'll know what's going on.
05:43Yeah, yeah.
05:44We'll know.