Dave & Chuck the Freak talk about a guy who was busted for putting his ass on produce at the grocery store and try to figure out what could make you so angry that you would do something like that.
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00:00here's a sentence i'm pretty sure hasn't been said before in the history of mankind you get
00:11your butt cheeks off my rutabagas you're right yeah you're right that's an odd statement it is
00:17it's ever been said before well the cops in manassas virginia got a call from a grocery
00:22store the giant grocery store it's a chain there okay and something very unusual was happening
00:28a guy was picking up different pieces of fruits and vegetables testing them out dropping his pants
00:35and rubbing them between his ass cheeks and putting them back on the shelves oh no i read the headline
00:43and i assumed in my mind i thought he just had his pants on and he was like and he just on the cheek
00:50no lisa no that's not what i did i was hoping he took his pants off and it was between
00:59his cheeks in his ass he was putting fruits and veggies in his ass he was putting them all the
01:06way in lisa's mind's full of hope it is it really is the best case scenario i'm like that too i find
01:13that i i still like to keep hope alive because i read this and i was like did he did he penetrate
01:18but it turns that story different it changes the whole thing it goes from
01:23like a funny ha-ha to oh yeah people are like two reactions like it's a ha-ha when it's just the
01:33cheek and your pants are still on but it's serious business when it's take a cucumber and do your
01:38worst and then just drop it into a pile of them which one was it you just gotta wash it you gotta
01:44throw them all away right what makes you shove fruits and veggies in your ass cheek feels great
01:50i think that he has mental problems i think it feels good it's not vengeance it's not someone at
01:56that store you mean like i'm there like doing it at the store store wrong tim oh you're not talking
02:02about just at home no no i mean that's some people do weird things in their ass that's fine whatever
02:06do what you want to do maybe have an emergency itch and nothing will cure it other than the cool
02:10smooth feeling of like an eggplant yeah see i would go to if i wanted to scratch something i'd go
02:15pineapple how pissed off could you be though what could piss you off that bad at a grocery store that
02:20you would do this you know the only thing that would maybe there's no carts in the corral when you
02:25came in no hand baskets at the door when you walk in they're out of sale flyers because i was
02:31thinking like a lot of things dave was the only person i know to ever get seriously pissed off at
02:35the produce that's true he did too he goes to the manager they mislabeled seedless oranges
02:43maybe he went to the manager maybe he shoved fruit in his ass a ton of seeds in them but they were
02:48labeled seedless oranges you put those oranges in your ass it would have went any farther he may
02:53have he may have would have continued to do that i'm a man capable of putting fruit in my head i do
02:58think you're capable of it if it's a send me right over the edge if it's vengeance in it with
03:04vegetables does it then become veggie ants yes it could be it is or you could just take it to the
03:10produce manager like you did right you've got two options god damn it where is the produce manager
03:18on a saturday morning at 6 a.m or 7 a.m i'm not paying for this but we're opening this orange right
03:23now because guess where i got this yes you see the little box over there seedless oranges
03:30huh open it peel it you son of a bitch peel it right now god damn it i'll tear this place apart
03:38i will i'll cause a real scene take a bite break it open look at the seed you stupid a-hole
03:46someone said i'm eating an apple driving to work right now trying to be healthy and you guys just
03:51ruined it now i have to stop eating it um okay just clean your apples yeah you should be watching
03:57washing your vegetables anyway no you should you absolutely should i mean if you think this guy's
04:01butt's the worst thing to touch it i don't think people wash their fruits and vegetables enough to get
04:05ass off of it you know what you're right because think about when you wash you don't
04:09no one busts out soap no there's some people i've got a crazy family member who can't wash she soaks
04:15all of her stuff in like vinegar and all this stuff to get all the oh vinegar yeah ruins i would think
04:20i know i'll just say this there's no way that just a rinse a casual rinse and water even rubbing it
04:27is getting ass off smell ass though your apple smells like ass i don't think you don't eat it
04:32no i don't think you do what a weird thing somebody's eating an apple and they're like
04:35what will you smell this app does that apple smell like ass do you you know what i'm gonna put this
04:42to the test i'm gonna put this to the test tomorrow no something in this room is gonna go to my ass
04:48no chuck don't you guys will have to discover which item it is how about i bring in a bag of
04:54apples no and i'll let you pick one and you put it in your ass okay set it on the table with the
04:59other apples and then everybody has to guess which one was in your ass yeah i love it i love
05:03the idea they call it satan's roulette yeah yeah i'm not playing that game and you gotta take a bite
05:08yeah i don't take a bite of the one you think it's not someone said what in the world what is
05:13the world coming to when we need loss prevention and ass prevention teams in stores it's something
05:18you never really think of i wonder if they just randomly grabbed like a bunch of fruit and just did
05:25that little swab test to see how many things have butt on it you don't want to go down that road
05:32you probably don't well and not just that the people that are touching it before you yeah that's
05:37what they have poop on their fingers yeah that's what he's saying like yeah there's always just
05:41ladies it's always but i never think to wash fruit with anything that would like really take care of
05:48ass no most people don't because then you're gonna put it in your mouth yeah right you still
05:53gotta live a life you do you can't so if ass gets you it gets you it's just uh breaks exactly i mean
06:01we're all staring down the barrel ass at any second in our life and you just gotta like you can let it
06:06consume you you can let the ass consume you or you can just live yeah i don't let them win right
06:12you can't let them win you can't let the ass bandits win you really can't