Therapy Thursday: Is It Ok To Hit A Girl Back If She Hits You First? What About A School Bully?
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00:00Hi, Dr. Nick. Therapy Thursday, where we get your questions and queries answered by Dr. Dobby, Meredith M.D., Orlando B.G.Y.N.
00:09We are here for you, whatever kind of question you got.
00:13So hit us up, 888-429-0941. You can call or you can text. And let's see who's got one first.
00:21I have one out the 813 for the room. It says, good morning. I need some advice.
00:26My wife and I have been married for 17 years with three kids.
00:31Ten years into our marriage, I cheated and she found out about it.
00:35I ended the outside relationship and for the past seven years, I have not cheated again.
00:40I found out that she cheated on me last year.
00:43She apologized and she has also ended the outside relationship and wants to work on ours.
00:50The problem is I'm having a very hard time forgiving her and letting go.
00:54Am I being selfish seeing that I did it first and how do I move on and forgive her?
01:01I love her. I don't want to lose her, but I'm having a very hard time accepting it.
01:05It'd be awesome if everybody realized they loved somebody before they made the mistake.
01:09Right. Before stepping out and having a totally different relationship.
01:13You did it and she got you back.
01:16And had to deal with it too and went through the pain and stuck by your side.
01:20Well, I mean, I just hate when people, you know, get their fair what's coming back to them.
01:25Because, I mean, karma is going to boomerang it back at you.
01:28So you did it. She did it back. And now you can't get past it.
01:31Yeah. Six years later, she did it.
01:33She accepted you back after you did it because, you know, women are great.
01:37But you couldn't take it. Right.
01:40That's a little bit of a problem because, like, her sin and your sin are basically the same in the eyes of God.
01:46And the big book up there, both of y'all are next to each other.
01:48So it ain't no better or worse.
01:50You need to, if you're gonna, if you're gonna have the real relationship, you got to get past it just like she did.
01:56Right. Exactly.
01:57So you got to build your relationship back up.
01:58Ain't no more paying back though.
02:00Like, everybody's even now.
02:01We good.
02:01Everybody's even.
02:02Like, all right, I mean, this is the best case scenario.
02:05You leave yours alone, she leaves hers alone, and you guys get back together and absolve each other of it.
02:11Say, listen, we both were messy.
02:14We both messed up.
02:15But ain't no more room for new friends.
02:18Yeah, you better try to get over it like she did.
02:21Both of y'all got cheated on and no new friends.
02:24This sucks.
02:25I feel like their marriage is definitely tarnished.
02:28It's not.
02:28It's hard to build that back up.
02:30What are they, the reboot?
02:31You can control, I'll delete right now.
02:33You can control, I'll delete.
02:34I can't forget that.
02:34You did it.
02:35I did it.
02:36We both absolve ourselves from it.
02:38We can move on from here.
02:39That's clean.
02:40Yeah, hers is, so it's more recent.
02:43It don't matter.
02:43She still may have feelings for that person.
02:45It don't matter.
02:45Hurt is hurt.
02:46Y'all both did it.
02:47Yeah.
02:47Both of y'all guilty.
02:48So lay in that guilty bed together and fix the relationship.
02:52Okay.
02:53Let's see here.
02:54Dr. Davi.
02:55D-Maila.
02:55It says, I caught my son, I caught my 14-year-old son with a pair of headphones that he didn't
03:04buy.
03:05It turns out when we were at the store, and I won't say what store, he put them under his
03:11hoodie.
03:12My mind was blown.
03:14I wanted to kill him, but I didn't.
03:17I took them away from him.
03:19He's grounded for life, and they're in my car, but I'm hesitant to take them back to the
03:24store, because I don't want his stupidity to escalate.
03:28Take back or get rid of the evidence.
03:32Wow.
03:33That's a tough one.
03:34I would get rid of the evidence.
03:38I'm just saying.
03:39Some stores call the cops.
03:40Yeah.
03:41Have to.
03:42They have to.
03:42Get rid of it.
03:44I'm glad you have punished him.
03:47He's grounded for life.
03:48I'm glad you stopped it.
03:50For life.
03:50For life.
03:52Yeah.
03:52That could be a very-
03:53You're 66 years old.
03:54You can't go nowhere, because you're still grounded.
03:55That could be a very dangerous trend, but as far as the store is concerned, I would say
04:00just get rid of it.
04:01It never happened.
04:03Just don't get-
04:04You can tell him that you took it back to the store.
04:06You don't need to tell him anything.
04:08He's grounded.
04:09He don't deserve it.
04:10Nothing.
04:10No explanations.
04:10He don't get no damage.
04:11He don't get no damn explanation.
04:13Nah.
04:13I mean, I'd tell him, like, you know the store's got your picture up in the office.
04:18Right, right.
04:18Like, I took it back, and they got you up in there.
04:21Make him nervous.
04:21So you go back in there.
04:22They're going to- I don't even think you get to shop there no more.
04:25No.
04:26You're banned.
04:26You know what I'm saying?
04:27Like, you're banned.
04:27I would tell him the whole thing.
04:29I went back.
04:29I took it.
04:30They got your photo.
04:31I gave them the side angles of you.
04:34Yep.
04:34Everywhere.
04:34They know you.
04:35You can't come back in there.
04:36Getting banned from places is embarrassing.
04:38Right.
04:38I was banned from the mall, and they took my picture, and they had it up in security and
04:43everything.
04:43University Mall.
04:44I'm good now.
04:45We good now.
04:46You weren't banned for life.
04:47I could go back.
04:47It was just one year.
04:48It was a one year.
04:49A whole year?
04:49When University Mall was popping, you couldn't go.
04:53Ain't that something.
04:54Oh, wow.
04:54We got a phone call.
04:55All right.
04:56Let's see.
04:568-8-4-2-9-0-9-4-1.
04:58Is this a no name?
04:59Yeah.
05:00All right.
05:00There's a no name question for Meredith.
05:02Hello.
05:03How are you doing?
05:05Pretty good.
05:05You got Meredith M.D. on the line.
05:07Go ahead.
05:08Oh, good.
05:09Okay.
05:09Hi, Meredith.
05:10Hi.
05:11Okay.
05:12I have...
05:12This is, like, some really crazy stuff.
05:14Okay.
05:15So, I met a guy six months ago, like, in November.
05:19He was like...
05:20When I seen him, his aura was so beautiful.
05:21I was like, you're mine.
05:22Like, as soon as I seen it, and we instantly connected, okay?
05:25He was really honest with me.
05:27He said, hey, I have a baby on the way.
05:29I don't know if the baby's mine or not, right?
05:31And I'm like, okay, that's fine.
05:32He's honest.
05:33You know, I'm single.
05:35And, you know, I'm out right now trying to venture, trying to meet, you know, a guy friend.
05:38You know, I need a boyfriend.
05:40Everything goes well, smooth.
05:43He ends up having a baby in February, a day after my birthday.
05:46My birthday's February 4th.
05:48The baby was born February 5th.
05:49I'm like, okay, that's cute.
05:50His mom's born February 2nd.
05:52We all have a bond, you know?
05:53Okay.
05:54He just...
05:55We go on trips.
05:57He just reunited with his other daughter.
06:01But I'm like the main person who's always like, you know, taking him here, doing this, making sure that, you know, everything is taken care of and everything.
06:08But I know in my heart that he's jingling both of us.
06:12For instance, he will block his baby's mother when he's with me, you know?
06:16And then when he's with me, like, you know, everything is good.
06:20But I'm like, it's not good because you have a newborn baby.
06:22And I feel guilty because I'm a parent too, you know?
06:24So I'm like, it's like we're sharing this one guy, but I just don't know what to do.
06:29It's so weird.
06:30Are you okay with sharing somebody that you love and care about with another woman?
06:35I'm not okay with it.
06:36That's the thing.
06:37I'm not okay with it.
06:38And I told him straight up, like, I'm not okay with it.
06:40Well, he was like, well, like, he got me.
06:42He had me on block for like a couple of days because I guess he's with his baby's mother now.
06:45Dude.
06:46But I'm like, what should you do?
06:46He's living two lives.
06:48You're...
06:48Okay.
06:49So I'm just going to be honest with you.
06:50You're allowing him to have this situation.
06:53He's having a completely different relationship.
06:57He's daddy over here.
06:58And then he's with you.
07:00So he's living two separate lives.
07:01This is just my personal opinion.
07:02The guys are smiling in the room because they can see right through this as well.
07:06I'm not smiling.
07:08Yeah, because I'm like, that's not cool at all.
07:10But I mean, he's all emotional, but he's like, oh, I love you.
07:14He initiated our relationship, though.
07:16You know what I'm saying?
07:16I'm like, how can you initiate a relationship when you just have a child?
07:19And I'm pretty certain you still have feelings, you know?
07:21Now, wait, now, wait, now, now.
07:24You can't blame him for initiating something.
07:26This ain't a one-way street.
07:27He tried it.
07:28And it allowed it to happen.
07:29No, you had a whole family with a man with a whole family over there.
07:34When you met him, you made a decision.
07:36You made a decision.
07:39You also said that you mentioned a different child as well.
07:43And he was reconnected with her.
07:45So it sounds like there's a lot of baggage going on here with this dude.
07:49No, it's not a lot of baggage.
07:50She only has two children.
07:52But the first child, she just, it's so cool because, like, he was getting a text message.
07:57And I'm like, please, yeah, please.
07:58Okay, all right, wait, wait, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.
08:00We don't need to get all in it.
08:02I mean, because you're giving us the whole Eat True Hollywood story.
08:04Listen, the thing is, the dude got extra things going on.
08:08And you make a decision on if you want it or if you don't.
08:11And when you got involved in it, you made a decision that you co-signed it.
08:16You might not have said, I'm happy about it.
08:18But you were willing to deal with it because there's good things and benefits that come with him.
08:23I'm sure there are.
08:24Yeah, so now that you've got into the cesspool that you're in, you're like, well, what do I do?
08:30Well, you wallow in the cesspool unless you decide that you don't want to do it no more.
08:34You deserve better.
08:35You don't deserve to be blocked because he's spending time with his baby and that family.
08:38Do you deserve better, though?
08:40Because it seems like you're pretty comfortable with this blankery.
08:42Well, she needs to decide that.
08:44No, I have to decide that.
08:46Like, I'm not okay with it.
08:47Like, I really, like, I seriously, like, backed off for a minute, but then I get, like, little hints in there.
08:52Like, hey, I still want to be friends, this, that, and the third.
08:55He's fishing for you.
08:56Oh, man.
08:56And he caught you back.
08:57Yeah, you're about to be a victim.
08:59That's all I'm saying.
09:00Don't.
09:00You're about to be a victim.
09:01And you can choose to have half of the man and be happy, or you can try and get the whole man.
09:07But you're not going to get the whole man because he's got other things going on.
09:10It doesn't matter how good-looking somebody is.
09:18It's what's going on deep down inside that person, and he does not care.
09:22You're allowing him to have a relationship with you and somebody else.
09:25He's fine is what she's saying.
09:27Right.
09:28It doesn't matter.
09:29Y'all ready for another one?
09:30I mean, it's helpful having sex with somebody that's hot.
09:33Out the 863, it says, this is for everyone.
09:35My boss and I have been having a low-key relationship for about a year and now is wanting to go public.
09:41I've gotten no work benefits from it, and I think everyone is going to think I am getting benefits from it, but I'm not.
09:48We have been doing so well, so should I risk it?
09:51Don't mix work with pleasure, question mark.
09:54You already mixed work with pleasure.
09:56You messed up there.
09:57But if you're not getting any benefits or whatever, then who cares what it looks like, but I would keep it on the low just because you don't want the smoke out there around your relationship.
10:10People are going to be talking about you and that relationship for as long as you guys are together and even if you guys break up.
10:15I would definitely keep it to yourself.
10:17But if it's not anything that you're getting any benefit from, like an HR situation or whatever, that's clean.
10:23That's good.
10:24But people talking about you is going to make it sound like you are anyway, so it's still going to put that smoke on you and put you in that stink.
10:32So you don't want that.
10:33So just keep it quiet.
10:34Could it be that this guy or the boss, whatever, is really liking this person and now wants something more official and is tired of just creeping and sneaking around?
10:46And they can discuss that, but the whole point is your job, I just think everything should be kept separate.
10:53Unless you're about to get married, like y'all are dating and everything, like keep it quiet.
10:58Don't just be happy that y'all been together a few good months.
11:01Yeah.
11:01If you getting to the point where it's getting serious, where y'all like looking at rings and y'all trying to move in together, then go ahead and let your job go.
11:08Right.
11:08Okay.
11:09But while you're casually dating, keep it casually among yourselves so everybody else don't have to delve into your business.
11:16Don't give them a reason.
11:17The second they see that door close when you're in his office, I mean, everybody's going to be like, whatever they're doing in there.
11:22I mean, it's just going to start a whole thing.
11:23You just don't want your info on everybody else's lips.
11:27Yeah.
11:27That's the whole point.
11:27How did she get that job?
11:29You don't want that.
11:30Yeah, you don't want that.
11:30Move forward.
11:31All right.
11:32Let's see here.
11:33I have one.
11:34Go ahead.
11:34I have a female friend who has been a little too flirty and touchy with my partner.
11:39A year ago, she told my partner when we were all hanging out that he was the ideal spouse when I left the room.
11:46She has never said this to me, but apparently she's had this conversation with all of our other friends about what a great provider and father and partner that he is.
11:54My question is, is this appropriate?
11:56Should I keep her away from my husband or should I be worried?
11:59Well, there's a lot of ladies out there that's probably saying, yes, keep her away from your husband.
12:04But I think when friends are friends, you have a circle that can be open with each other.
12:11Like you have good friends that have husbands that hang out with you and your husband.
12:17One of them said, you know what, Anthony, you do such a great job.
12:20You know, blah, blah, blah.
12:21That wouldn't be nothing if it's a friend.
12:23No.
12:24That wouldn't bother me.
12:24You got to watch your friends and make sure they're really friends.
12:27And then, yeah, let open conversations happen.
12:30Somebody can compliment somebody without it being a thing.
12:33Well, it's not just that.
12:34There's been several other conversations, this person said.
12:37So you do need to protect what's yours at the end of the day.
12:39Okay.
12:40I mean, this is our relationship.
12:42We do.
12:42It's us against the world.
12:43We got to protect us.
12:44That's fine.
12:44I just really think that, you know, people should be able to talk.
12:48Talk about it?
12:49Like you want her to come to you and say, hey, I'd like to compliment your man.
12:53And I wanted to say it to you first because I need to say it to you.
12:55No, no, no, no.
12:56But that's what you said.
12:57If it's somebody that's trustworthy, she keeps talking about my man all the time.
13:01I mean, come on now.
13:02I talk about his girl cooking all the time.
13:05I'm like, man, that's the best woman ever.
13:07I ain't got no, I don't have them plotting on her at all.
13:10I just want that picadillo.
13:10But you're not talking about a lot.
13:12I mean, that picadillo.
13:13Yeah, I know.
13:14Wrong language.
13:16That's it.
13:17So, I mean, yeah, let her compliment your man.
13:19Like, as long as he ain't doing nothing and she ain't doing nothing, go ahead.
13:22Do that.
13:22Okay.
13:23All right.
13:23All right.
13:24One last one.
13:25Let's see here.
13:25My son is being picked on at school.
13:28Apparently, this big girl hauled off and punched my kid in the face.
13:33Wait.
13:34My son.
13:35Okay.
13:36I had to make sure I read that right.
13:37My son is being picked on at school.
13:40Apparently, this big girl hauled off and punched my kid in the face.
13:44His cheek and his eye puffed up.
13:47So, when I got to the school, they both were in the office and us parents were there, too.
13:53The girl got suspended for three days.
13:55But I'm struggling with what to say to him.
13:59Our defend yourself class never included girls.
14:03Like, of course, I know you don't hit them.
14:06But what do I say to my child?
14:09Oh, that's a sensitive topic, too.
14:11You need female cousins.
14:13Oh, so somebody else could go whoop her?
14:15Yes.
14:15And so he doesn't get in trouble.
14:17Yes.
14:17Smooth.
14:18You don't hit a girl.
14:19Right.
14:19But you find somebody who can hit that girl.
14:22No, but you can protect yourself.
14:26Nah.
14:26Yes, you can.
14:27Equal rights mean equal fights.
14:29You can protect yourself.
14:32If homie is just getting punched on for no reason.
14:36Yeah.
14:36To hit him and swole him up.
14:37You have a right to defend yourself.
14:40Because a girl can still do damage.
14:42You get hit in your eye socket.
14:44You get hit in the nose.
14:45You can still make some.
14:46You can do damage, but I'm saying if you're teaching the kid about when to fight and when
14:51not.
14:52So the don't hit girls thing is about chivalry.
14:56It's about being a gentleman.
14:57That went out the window when she started punching on you and she swole your eye up.
15:02If telling her stop and don't and all of that ain't working, sometimes you got to swing
15:08on somebody.
15:09No.
15:09Now, I'm all for the bear hug.
15:12Oh, just take him down.
15:13I'm all for the bear hug.
15:14Like, you just grab him.
15:15Like, look here.
15:15You better stop.
15:16Like, hey, hey, hey.
15:17What about a push?
15:18Hey.
15:19Shove him down.
15:19I mean, you know, not a shove.
15:20I mean, like, you get a ball with me, you know what I'm saying?
15:23But I ain't swinging on no girl.
15:24But if you're swinging on the girl and you connect, Davi, what's the headline there?
15:28The boy hit the girl.
15:28You are now a beater.
15:30Right.
15:31They ain't going to say, man, he defended himself well.
15:34They're going to say, he knocked out that girl.
15:35No, you're going to say, who started it?
15:36What happened?
15:37That's going to be the next question.
15:38Some people.
15:39What happened?
15:40Right, but they're also going to remember that you hit a girl.
15:42Somebody in the 407 said, you better mush the hell out of it.
15:44Bring her down.
15:47Shout out to the mush.
15:49There's a lot of females that think that they have just blanket to do anything that
15:55they want to with against a man.
15:57They do not.
15:58Because that guy won't and can't and shouldn't touch them.
16:02They do not.
16:02And that's a common misconception.
16:03However, we let them have it.
16:06We let them have it.
16:07We let them have it.
16:08Self-defense?
16:09We let them have it.
16:10So no self-defense here.
16:10He's saying they think they got car blunts.
16:12And I'm like, they don't.
16:13But we let them have it.
16:14Not always.
16:15Yeah, a lot of us.
16:17A big percentage of us are like, listen, you hit me, you got to leave because I don't
16:22want to hit you back and then the cops show up.
16:24What if she does again then?
16:25What do you do?
16:26If she did, then that means I didn't kick her out fast enough.
16:29Oh, man.
16:29If you hit me, you got to leave this house.
16:31I'm changing the locks because I'm not getting arrested because of whooping on somebody.
16:35Right, right.
16:36Especially a girl.
16:36You got to go.
16:37Now, this is a school situation.
16:39That's what I'm saying.
16:40He's trying to teach him about how to defend yourself.
16:43What do you explain to the kid about the girls?
16:46The kid should be suspended.
16:47Like, if a girl hits you, you find your girl cousin, give her $20.
16:51And smush her in the face.
16:52And get her to mush her in the face.
16:53Let her know.
16:54Okay.
16:55Just family roll deep.
16:56Okay, your cousins.
16:57Boys don't swing back, but our female cousins do.
16:59Orlando and the Freak Show.
17:03Therapy Thursday.
17:03We teach you how to squab around this thing.
17:05All right.
17:06844.
17:07We got more coming up.