Therapy Thursday: Is There A Difference Between I LOVE YOU and LOVE YOU?
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00:00Which therapist you need? Therapy Thursday. Now on Wild 94.1. I understand therapy. Hi everybody. Hi Dr. Nick. Therapy Thursday. Every Thursday we work off our community service by trying to give you somebody to use as a sounding board. If you got a question, whether it's romantic, whether it's financial, you know, Dr. Dobby got reaches in all kinds of different medical studies. All kinds. All kinds. If you got herb ecology kind of thing, she had to know, he know. Yep.
00:29Then, you know, you got Meredith over here who always deals with advice of travel when you are reduced to a van. Hey, hey, hey. Meredith MD is in the building. And of course, anytime you want to throw your feet in stirrups, I'm here. All right. So 888-429-0941, whether it's a text or whether it's a call, Dr. David Dobby, you're up first. Okay. This says, Dr. Dobby, I need to get you to explain the difference between I love you and love you.
00:56I tell my girl, I love you all the time. And I know what it means to me. And when she responds back, she says, love you. I get how she feels, but it feels some type of way inside my soul. When I say, I love you. And she says, love you back. Is there a difference in your mind?
01:17I think there might be a little bit of a difference there. I don't think it's the same. It sounds like a forced reply. I love you is different than love you.
01:29You know, it's not. It's so casual. It's like, I know I have to say it, but I can't say the whole thing. I don't think they, I don't think they weigh the same. I think he's onto something. The just, I love you. It feels too casual.
01:45He's professing his love for her specifically. The abbreviation matters. Just, just like when someone says K on a text reply, it's lazy and it's inconsiderate.
01:57And now I don't really think she loves you like that. She might have love for you, but it's not the same as I love you.
02:06Okay. So I, in front of it makes a difference. All the difference in the world. Do they have to ask about it? Does he have to bring it up?
02:12I would, I would think, I would think maybe next time she says, love you, maybe you say, so you mean you love me? And if she says, yeah, love you, then there's an issue.
02:24But if she, but if she catches the correction and works with it, so you're going to give her a little bit of space, give a little rope to be a cowboy or hang herself.
02:31Oh my goodness.
02:32That's what you do.
02:33But can we agree that that one letter, that one word matters?
02:36I don't necessarily agree. Because I think if okay is a, is a thing that's okay to respond in a text and I just put K.
02:45Ah, no. Better not.
02:48You in trouble, apparently.
02:50That bothers me.
02:51I love you is different than love you?
02:53Yes.
02:54I really, we got, okay. All right.
02:57Significant difference.
02:57Yeah, okay.
02:58Nah, I don't trust you.
03:01All right, what we got?
03:03Orlando, I really need something new in my life lately.
03:06Things are bland and I want to do something fun and crazy, but I'm not going to ask my husband's approval.
03:11I want to cut all my hair off.
03:13I'm so tired of styling it every day and just covering it with a hat.
03:17I just want to do this and feel like it's perfect in the pandemic, but I don't want to upset my husband, but I'm about to go today.
03:24Okay, well, if you already booked it, you know, and this is something you want to do, go ahead.
03:30But if you are already thinking that I'm going to rush and do it so my husband can't say no, that's where you get to the point where that's kind of a betrayal.
03:39Because if it's something that your husband looks at you and he's like, wow, I love how, if your husband is like, I love you any way you look, I'll be good.
03:47But if he specifically is about your hair, whether it's curly or whether it's, you know, however it's rock, and that's something that attracts him to you and you sneak out to do it, that just feels like a little bit of kicking and kicking the joints.
04:00Like you don't want to do that.
04:01So maybe bring him into the process and say, if you had a fantasy, what else could I, my hair maybe look like?
04:08And then work your way backwards.
04:09It ain't as fast and it ain't as an immediate type of satisfaction, but at least you keep all the communication together.
04:18I think it's dope when women say, hey, baby, what do you think about if I did this?
04:21And then they both get excited together as opposed to a surprise where he's like, damn.
04:25You ain't got no hair anymore.
04:27He's like, damn, baby, what you do to your hair?
04:29It's like, it's autumn sunrise.
04:31Don't you love it?
04:32Yeah, yeah.
04:33Like, yeah, you don't want to make it weird.
04:35So, you know, keep it in a space where it could be beneficial to you both.
04:38That's what I think.
04:38That's my advice.
04:40All right.
04:41We have one for Meredith.
04:42I'll date one three.
04:43It says, Meredith, two of my friends were friends, but had a falling out and are no longer friends.
04:48I'm still friends with both of them, but I hang out with them separately since they don't really like to be around each other.
04:53Friend A doesn't care if I hang out with the other one, but friend B gets jealous and petty when I hang out with her.
05:00She'll stop talking to me, giving me short answers.
05:03And she hates when I see when she sees the other one on social media.
05:07It's really exhausting.
05:08I love them both.
05:09How do I navigate these friendships but still keep the peace?
05:12Oh, I feel like I've been in this situation before.
05:14You keep your friendship with both people, both women, I'm assuming.
05:18You have to have a conversation with B because if you keep just ignoring the fact that you're going to go out with said person, letter A, then it's going to be an issue in your friendship.
05:31It's going to ruin things.
05:32And by the way, having a friend that's constantly jealous of who you're hanging out with and all that stuff and trying to control who you like, that's not a true friendship.
05:42She may not like that person, and that's her own reasons.
05:45And you may support her, but you're still down for her.
05:48So you got to talk to her and let her know, like, listen, I'm still going to rock with this person, but that's it.
05:52And if we can't be friends because of that, then our friendship wasn't that strong to begin with.
05:56I will tell you, if there's one person to vote off the island, it's the person that's jealous.
06:00Yeah.
06:00If you got one friend that ain't really, like, I ain't studying y'all.
06:04Like, I can't post.
06:05That person right there is the person you're like, all right, we're cool.
06:07But the other person likes to, what did you and her do?
06:10You got five minutes to fix your attitude, and you might not be in this friendship no more.
06:14This one says, to all my doctors, my husband of 16 years has yet to get his license.
06:20I have been on him for the past 15 years since before my daughter was born to get the license.
06:25When we lived in New York, it wasn't that much of an issue, but now we live in Florida.
06:30And it's kind of tiring driving him back and forth to work.
06:33And it's gotten even worse once the pandemic hit.
06:36I was driving him to work, coming back home because I work from home,
06:40and going to pick him up in the afternoon, blase, blase.
06:43My drive in the morning in the afternoon is at least two hours because we live far from his job.
06:48Please help me figure out how I can get my husband to get his license.
06:51Oh, my God.
06:53Well, you've made it luxurious for him.
06:56Like, make it difficult.
06:57Make it a little bit more difficult than he'll probably do it.
07:00How about you stop and you grow up and you go get your damn license and go buy a car like the rest of us?
07:07But I'm from the north.
07:08I'm from New York, son.
07:09I don't care.
07:09You don't live there anymore.
07:10You live in Florida.
07:11It is scary to even walk across a busy intersection here.
07:15Grow up and help out your family and stop burdening your wife and your kids and all that stuff.
07:20Stop it.
07:21I'll just ask one simple question.
07:22Is there a way?
07:23I mean, there is a way because of bus services and everything else.
07:25But moving around from St. Pete to Tampa to Clearwater the way you need to move.
07:31Is it as easy as it is from being in the city up in New York with the subway system or the MARTA or whatever?
07:38Compared to here?
07:39Yeah.
07:39No.
07:40It's not as convenient at all.
07:42So, yeah.
07:42It takes a long ass time.
07:43But it can be done, though.
07:46If you stop doing it for him, see how he moves.
07:50If he gets a command over the bus system, if he, you know, works out an Uber thing or something like that, if he figures it out, then it ain't a problem.
07:59But if it has to be your problem, then he has to fix it.
08:02What are you, a chauffeur every day?
08:04No, you're my rib.
08:05No.
08:05I need a ride.
08:06Oh, Jesus.
08:07Look, Heffle.
08:07I got one for Davi.
08:10Davi, my man, does not satisfy me.
08:12Okay.
08:12And even after talking to him, he still doesn't do what I've recommended.
08:17After talking and talking, I've come to the conclusion that he just may not care.
08:21Is it wrong that I'm considering filling that void that I don't get when I get at home?
08:27When someone cheats, is it because they want something new?
08:31Or can it be because their partner is not willing and they're fed up?
08:36Ooh.
08:37This is tough because this comes down to a lack of effort and a lack of caring.
08:42It's not that he is incapable.
08:44It's that he is too inconsiderate to really prioritize that.
08:50Is it wrong?
08:51I mean, ultimately, you're married.
08:54You're not supposed to step out on your marriage.
08:56But he's also in the wrong.
08:58Do two wrongs make a right?
09:00We're taught that they don't.
09:01But I think you should, at this point, consider, this sounds like it's weighing heavy on you.
09:10You should consider your marriage as a whole.
09:14If is this the only thing that he's coming up short and he's not putting effort into?
09:18I don't think stepping out on your marriage is necessarily the answer.
09:23I think you'll probably end up regretting it and blaming yourself.
09:27But after repeated talks and him not prioritizing you enough to change his actions, I think maybe the next step is to take a little break or a little time apart.
09:40And see if that makes him care more about fulfilling you physically.
09:45Because right now, he don't care.
09:46Yeah, right.
09:47For real.
09:48Make him care.
09:49This is one of the things where, you know, talking to a sexual therapist or somebody like that can be a help.
09:54Because all you got to do is basically point out the fact that I've told you there's three spots you can touch that make it home run and you keep going other places.
10:03So are you not doing it on purpose?
10:06Maybe some people can't take pleasure.
10:09They get like, oh, my God, I forgot you like that.
10:12I was too busy getting mine, like a selfish lover.
10:14Yeah.
10:14I mean, maybe he's fulfilling that elsewhere and he's already kind of detached himself.
10:19I'll be already trying to break up a happy home.
10:21I was like, maybe he's just inconsiderate.
10:23You're like, nope, maybe he dirtied you.
10:24It don't sound like that much of a happy home.
10:26Oh, man.
10:28All right.
10:28Let's see here.
10:29For O or Meredith.
10:30Meredith, I want you to take this one.
10:32Okay.
10:32It said, I need help with dealing with and reacting, dealing and reacting with my kids.
10:40I'm the mean one when I punish them and dad gives a love tap punishment.
10:45I love them, but it's driving me crazy being the witch in the family while teaching.
10:53I love them right from wrong.
10:55So they are the disciplinarian.
10:58Dad is the fun one.
11:00And they need help dealing with that.
11:02Yeah, that's not very fair.
11:04One parent doesn't always have to be the super strict one, the one that lays down the laws.
11:09Plus, you don't want that kid just growing up that they can't even talk.
11:12You don't feel comfortable opening up to one of the parents.
11:15So it's just not fair.
11:18I mean, you got to tell your husband, like, listen, I don't always want to have to be the one to step up and make sure that the kid doesn't do this and that.
11:26I'm trying to make sure that they are raised as a good human being.
11:29But you not being on the same level as me is is completely unacceptable.
11:35You don't want your kids to, you know, always go towards that one parent constantly all the time as well.
11:40So especially being the mom, I can't imagine that.
11:43So you better go talk to your husband because that's not it's not right.
11:45It doesn't feel good.
11:47And you lose a connection with your kids, too.
11:49It sucks being a no person all the time.
11:53But you can also let your kids know that my no's mean that I care about you a lot more than the people who will let you slide.
11:59Yeah.
12:00You know, a no, a no takes a lot more care.
12:02It's very much easy for me to just say, yes, go ahead.
12:04Jump off the roof.
12:05Yeah.
12:06Or but my no might disappoint you, but it's within a reason.
12:10So that's important.
12:11We have one.
12:12It didn't specify who.
12:13So I'll just lob this one up.
12:15It says, I want to hook up with my best friend.
12:17OK, but he says I would catch feelings again.
12:20I have done a lot of self growth, a.k.a.
12:23moved on, but I love to have sex.
12:26What better than taking the guesswork out of it and just do it with someone I already know?
12:30Is this playing with fire?
12:32Oh, no, it's not.
12:34You know what?
12:35It's not playing with fire.
12:37It is.
12:38It's you know what?
12:38Because your best friend is somebody who, you know, wants the best for you.
12:43And you might they might be off limits, but that kind of makes it a taboo thing.
12:49So if it's a one time or one hundred time, it's probably going to be the best time.
12:54Yeah.
12:54Prepare to flush your entire relationship down the toilet.
12:57If there are people who have had sexual relationships and who are still friends, it's playing with
13:00fire because she says that his response would was I would catch feelings again.
13:06So they've already tried it.
13:07She's already caught feelings.
13:09It didn't work.
13:10I know you say you've had self growth and all of that.
13:13Whatever.
13:13You're going to catch feelings again.
13:14It's going to happen because it's still your best.
13:16But you already have feelings.
13:17Why do we only acknowledge feelings after we've acted on it?
13:21If you don't do it, you still have it.
13:24You still live with it.
13:24You still look at pictures and be like, oh, ah.
13:27So just go ahead and get you some.
13:28It's a short life.
13:29People are dying every day.
13:30You can have sex with anybody, though.
13:32Why are we picking somebody who's really want to mess a relationship with?
13:36Why have sex with anyone when we can have sex with somebody we actually love?
13:39Because sometimes sex is more fleeting for men than it is women.
13:42Unless you do it with someone you love.
13:44But he didn't say that yet.
13:46Maybe he's in denial about that.
13:47But if you truly care about somebody, you just don't want to go ahead and just throw it at them.
13:51You want to coddle them and you want to make sure that you show the relationship the respect it deserves.
13:56Some best friends are off limits because you're like, listen, it would never work out.
14:00But then some best friends, you're like, yo, man, we need to take this shot.
14:04And some people win at that.
14:07Not many, but some.
14:08Right, exactly.
14:08What's the percentage of that?
14:09Is it worthwhile?
14:11She got a big booze.
14:13That's on there.
14:14All right, let's leave one more in.
14:15Let's see what we got.
14:16Meredith, my ex and I broke up.
14:18This is actually kind of similar.
14:20My ex and I broke up May of last year, but we still hang out, hook up, and go on dates.
14:24I'm still in love with him, and he's in love with me.
14:27Should I leave because he's not ready for a relationship or stay?
14:33Well, if he's saying he's not ready for a relationship, I mean, sometimes guys are pretty honest and upfront.
14:38Like, he obviously enjoys your company and having sex with you and going out with you, but he doesn't potentially want to be married to you ever again.
14:47That's not saying he doesn't want that in the future.
14:49Couples get back together all the time.
14:51They get remarried.
14:53So I would keep an open mind, but definitely talk to him.
14:56Not immediately.
14:58You don't want to scare him off.
14:59Be like, hey, you know, I still have feelings for you.
15:01I love where we're at right now, and I don't want to rush anything.
15:04But, you know, is this all we're ever going to have?
15:06Because I might be unhappy with just staying where I am for the rest of my life.
15:11Are you complaining?
15:12I hate when you start complaining.
15:14What?
15:14That's what you're going to say.
15:17He's going to let you know.
15:18I'm like, well, are you complaining?
15:19Come on, why you got to ask me?
15:20She probably wants to get back together with him.
15:22Absolutely.
15:22And he might not want that at all.
15:25Listen, you have to look at your percentages.
15:27You got to protect yourself.
15:28Is 30% of him, because he's doing other things, is it worth keeping you in the hunt?
15:33Because if you just say no, then you won't have him at all.
15:37And maybe when his options dry up, he'll understand that you were always there.
15:43So sometimes you got to stick around to get the benefit.
15:46So I'm a last resort?
15:47No.
15:48I was just saying.
15:48That's what it kind of sounds like to me.
15:50He'll come back around.
15:51They're not last.
15:51It's just not the first time.
15:53Yeah, you got the first time.
15:54First time.
15:55You got to last.
15:56But who is these days?
15:57It's right.
15:58You know everybody has touched everybody.
16:00It's right.
16:00It's right.
16:00It's right.
16:01It's right.