Therapy Thursday: Have you ever said I love you too soon?
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00:00Which therapist do you need?
00:01Therapy Thursday.
00:02Now on Wild 94.1.
00:03I understand therapy.
00:05Hi, everybody.
00:06Hi, Dr. Nick.
00:07All right, Therapy Thursday gets poppin'.
00:09This is our community service for the week.
00:11And you can get in on an 888-429-0941.
00:15Whether you text us or you call, you can slide in with a little bit of action.
00:21Let's see here.
00:22Are we starting with a call or a text?
00:26Let's start with a phone call.
00:27All right, let's see here.
00:29We got Jennifer on the line.
00:31Hey, Jennifer, how you doing?
00:33I'm doing good.
00:34Good morning, guys.
00:35Good morning.
00:35What's your question?
00:37Well, my question is for Orlando.
00:39So I guess I'm really not doing that good.
00:41It's just easy to say that.
00:43But, yeah, I think my wife is cheating on me.
00:48You think she's cheating on you?
00:49Why do you?
00:49Why?
00:50Why?
00:50What was that?
00:51What evidence you got?
00:53Well, I mean, I've never really caught her.
00:55But, I mean, I'm certain.
00:57And her whole pattern of behavior just literally changed about a year ago.
01:01So she's used to coming home on her lunch break a few times a week.
01:06Now she never comes home.
01:08She's used to usually getting off work around 9, 30, or 10.
01:11All of a sudden, now she's not coming or getting off of work until midnight or later.
01:15And, like I said, I've never caught her.
01:18But at this point, it's like I don't care anymore.
01:22You know, like, for a while, you know, everything that I told you, like, she's been doing, it's really been hard for me because I had all these thoughts in the back of my mind, which, you know, I was scared to express.
01:33But after some thought, I think this is the best way.
01:39I mean, I don't want to break up my marriage.
01:43I don't want a new woman.
01:45I don't want a new relationship.
01:46And I definitely don't want to affect my family.
01:49But I guess what I'm asking is, is it weird that I'm starting to care less and less that she's cheating on me?
01:58I mean, okay, first of all, it is.
02:00It's not weird.
02:01It's pretty natural because when people start, you know, going through struggles, you start trying to automatically trying to remove yourself from it.
02:08That's a protective thing for you.
02:10It's kind of your body trying to protect you from the pain, like you start to unplug from it.
02:14But they do say when you see changes in pattern, that does kind of send up a red flag or whatever.
02:20If somebody's getting dressed better or if they're, you know, starting to work out in the gym and those were the old traditional things.
02:26Now you're speaking to showing home up late or their schedule is being interrupted.
02:31So I would just, first of all, have a real conversation with yourself.
02:35Move all the emotion out of it and just be like, do you love your wife?
02:39Do you love being with your wife?
02:40Do you feel that you have enough built that you are, you know, worthy of trying to fight through it?
02:47If you can do and answer those things, then, you know, and that'll probably give you your answer because some people ain't worth fighting for.
02:55Some people, you know, you want to step out because you're like, yo, like, honestly, I don't really feel like fighting this no more.
03:00I've done the fight and I'm done.
03:02But if it is worth it and if y'all do have, you know, some sort of kind of faith in each other or at least if you have faith in her because you're doing this assessment for you,
03:11if you have it, then I would say it's worth fighting for.
03:14Like, you know, but if, but if you decide that you're out, you're out, you know, you got to be happy.
03:20And if you're not happy with this person and their choices, then you got to step out, you know, and let it go.
03:27And I definitely have been thinking that and partly feeling that, but I also don't want to lose her.
03:37So you can't have both.
03:39Now, I'm going to tell you, you can't have both.
03:40You can't, you can't straddle the fence.
03:42If you get, that's why I do your assessment about what you want out of this.
03:46Don't factor in what she does.
03:47Don't factor in nothing else.
03:49Just what you want out of this because you're the person who's noticing this stuff.
03:53So do you want her or not?
03:56You can't be like, ah, well, I kind of don't, I don't really care, but I don't want to lose her.
04:01Like, come on, that's, that's refried beans right there.
04:03You know, don't mess around.
04:05They're just make your decision and it's a hard one to make.
04:08So don't think it's easy, but I'm just saying don't straddle the fence.
04:11It's got to be all Band-Aid off in one swoop or not.
04:15Yeah.
04:16You know, I mean, and that totally makes sense.
04:18And I think I just needed to hear it outside of myself.
04:22Yeah.
04:22So I think that's why we do this.
04:24That's why the courts make us do this.
04:25Okay.
04:26I appreciate it.
04:28Thanks, Jennifer.
04:29All right.
04:29Let's see here.
04:30I got one for Dobby.
04:31Dobby is next up.
04:32Dobby.
04:32So I have a son who just turned 18 and he's still a senior in high school.
04:37He has a 24 year old girlfriend.
04:38He wants to move out with her.
04:40I am against it, but my husband says he's 18 and he is an adult and can do whatever he wants.
04:46I think he needs to finish high school and get a job and save money.
04:49I guess my question is, what is the right thing to do?
04:52Should I let him go and learn his lesson the hard way?
04:55Or do I tell him no and have him stay in my house?
04:59Because this is causing so much stress between all of us.
05:01I don't know what to do.
05:02I mean, I would do my best to keep him at home, at least until he can finish his senior year of high school.
05:09Because I feel like if you move in with a girl, 24 year old girl, there's going to be so many other things going on in his life that graduating is going to be harder and harder.
05:22Once he graduates, then cut him loose.
05:24But until he gets that diploma, I would do everything in your power to keep him under your wing.
05:31If he's made it this far, don't let that girlfriend change everything.
05:37You know, obviously he's grown ish.
05:40He's 18.
05:41So make him available where he can, you know, hang out with the girl.
05:45I would kind of don't necessarily limit their interaction as long as he's coming home at a reasonable time, getting his schoolwork done.
05:54I would just do everything in your power to keep him at home, at least until he graduates.
05:59Yeah.
06:00I know if the shoe was on the other foot and that was me, it would be too much, too many distractions going on at home with a girl who's older.
06:09I'm trying to impress, make money.
06:11She's working.
06:12It would just be too hard.
06:13You're playing wifey and husband at that point.
06:15But let me ask your 18 year old self.
06:18Tico.
06:19Tico.
06:2024 year old lady want to hang out with you.
06:23You going?
06:2418 year old daughter.
06:25Hang out.
06:26Absolutely.
06:27I don't think I'd move in.
06:29I don't think I'd move in.
06:31I would.
06:32Because it's just access to free.
06:34Because it's 24 year old lady and you 18 and you ain't nothing but homeless.
06:37Well, because when I was 18, my parents owned my car.
06:41They were helping me with my phone.
06:42I would have just basically left with the clothes on my back.
06:44I didn't really have much to my name at 18.
06:47Nah.
06:48Most 18 year olds don't.
06:49Yeah, right.
06:50I have one, but it's for the room.
06:51Oh, all right.
06:52Can you guys please give me some dating advice to a plus size girl?
06:56It's getting real tiring and heartbreaking trying to find someone out here in the dating world.
07:00I'm trying to lose the weight for myself and not just to get a guy, but I'm also tired of having to block and run, taking men on my inbox.
07:09Because I'm bigger, does that mean I can't get a good looking, decent single guy?
07:15Wait, I don't get, so the inbox people are DMing her?
07:19Yeah, she's tired of having to block or run, taking men from my inboxes.
07:23That's what it says.
07:24Um, oh, okay.
07:26Well, y'all have that.
07:27Like, I mean, that's a group.
07:28I think she is looking at this very superficial.
07:32I, everything is, I'm big.
07:34I need a good looking guy.
07:35I need, how about you just find a good guy and work from there?
07:39Well, sometimes that's hard to find, especially on socials, because guys will be hitting you up for other reasons.
07:44So you got to look at your, also your posts and the stuff that you're putting out there.
07:47That's not a crime, though.
07:47That's what, that's why I wanted you to read that part again.
07:49That's not a crime.
07:51People DMing you, trying to slide in your DMs and holler at you don't mean they have access to you.
07:55Like, you don't have to block and run out of people and, what did she say, run them out of their DMs or whatever.
08:00It's like, I mean, if somebody hits you and you're not interested, move on.
08:04Well, she does want a good looking guy, though.
08:05She probably feels like she can't get what she wants and she feels it's because she's big.
08:09I get it.
08:10But what I'm saying is that if you have DMs coming in from people who you don't want to holler at, you don't have to block them and make that part of your problem.
08:20Your problem is that you're trying to do this physical fitness thing, and that's a stress.
08:23Yeah, it's hard.
08:24You know, and you don't want people sliding in and challenging your field about your self-esteem and everything else.
08:32But people sliding in and trying to like, and they got a wife and kids and all that stuff, and they trying to do you dirty.
08:38Like, you don't have to really stress about that.
08:40Ignore them.
08:41And you also have to be realistic at the same time.
08:44If you're a bigger girl or somebody who isn't necessarily that traditional super hot girl,
08:51you kind of have to, you can't expect to be with that, like, supermodel-looking dude with the six-pack, the gym type.
08:59That's not always going to happen.
09:01It's not always going to work like that.
09:02I would say, here's my advice from the female in the room.
09:05That was cold.
09:06It's true, though.
09:07Well, you keep it real.
09:08Right.
09:09That's why I'm going to switch it up really fast.
09:10If somebody's not hitting you up that you want, it's time to take it in your own hands and go ahead.
09:16If you find somebody online or somebody that you like or somebody that you're interested in and you wish that they were hitting on you,
09:21it's time for you to go ahead and try it.
09:22But at the same time, somebody with a fragile self-esteem like that, you could be setting yourself up for disaster.
09:27Why not try it?
09:29I mean, you guys get heard or told no all the time growing up.
09:33You deserve anybody who is going to make you feel good about yourself.
09:37That's true.
09:37It could be a good-looking person.
09:38It could be a person with a great heart or whatever.
09:41Trust me, as you lose the weight, people are going to be, people are texting us now saying, tell her to call me.
09:47So, you know, they ain't even seen you.
09:49So, just keep doing what you got to do for you and, you know, just don't make everybody else's issues your issues.
09:58Don't worry about the DMs and all that.
09:59Social media, just, you know what, turn off your social media.
10:02Work out, write letters to people.
10:05Write letters?
10:06Like, yeah, just get off of social media.
10:08If that's being such a distraction, get off of social media.
10:11Well, it's nice when you log on to your socials and you see your DMs full.
10:14Leave it alone.
10:15That's always nice.
10:15Let's see here.
10:16We got somebody calling here.
10:17Let's see.
10:18Hello?
10:20Hi, Orlando.
10:21Good morning.
10:21How are you?
10:22I'm good.
10:22What's your name?
10:23Or do you want us to tell you, say your name?
10:25You're on the air.
10:27It's T.
10:27Hey, T.
10:28How you doing?
10:29You got a question?
10:31Yeah.
10:32I seem to be having a problem.
10:34When I started dating a guy, we got to the, you know, the sex, the bedroom and everything.
10:39And, you know, we're getting personal and I let them know that I have a fire alarm.
10:43And they're, like, not wanting to talk to me anymore.
10:47You have a what?
10:48You have a fire alarm?
10:50Fire alarm.
10:52Fire arm.
10:53Fire arm.
10:54Oh, a fire arm.
10:55Oh.
10:55Oh, okay.
10:56Oh.
10:56Okay.
10:57I thought this was a key word or something.
10:59I'm like, what does that mean?
11:01We're learning something new.
11:01I mean, you're into something freaky fire.
11:03So, you have a firearm and so they don't want to be around you because you're armed?
11:07What?
11:08Yeah.
11:09And the secret is I'm such a bad shot shooter.
11:13Okay.
11:13Well, how do you tell them that you have a firearm?
11:17How does it come up?
11:18Well, they introduced first that they got their gun.
11:22And I'm like, okay, you got yours.
11:24I got mine too.
11:25Why do they have so many guns?
11:26Yeah.
11:27Because it's Florida.
11:29If we're about to hook up, why has everybody got a gun?
11:31Everybody got a gun.
11:33Sexy, maybe?
11:33Well, okay.
11:34Listen, first of all, T, I will tell you this.
11:37Second Amendment is yours.
11:39And we all enjoy that.
11:40And everybody should have the right to have it.
11:42But now, the one thing that you did say is that you're not a good shot.
11:46So, go practice.
11:47And I would say that the responsibility of having a gun means you do have to also take it seriously
11:53and learn how to use it.
11:55Learn how to use it correctly and accurately.
11:58So, if you do have to use it, then you can do so.
12:01But the other part of it is you don't really have to be running around telling everybody
12:05about it.
12:06You know, the best thing about having a gun is if they roll up, you can pull it out and
12:10then handle business without everybody knowing they got to be prepared and armed to come
12:14that you, you know, like an army kind of fighter because they're like, oh, I know what you
12:19got.
12:19So, they got to have something bigger.
12:21So, stop discussing it so much.
12:23Like, if these dudes are not...
12:24I don't know if you're discussing it.
12:26It's just...
12:27Listen to me now.
12:28Stop.
12:29Stop it.
12:29Now, see?
12:30See that?
12:31Sassy.
12:31Hold on.
12:32Slow down.
12:32Wait.
12:33Let me tell you.
12:33Because if the guys are talking about it and they're uncomfortable, then you're seeing
12:37what they're about because, honestly, a woman being armed is not an intimidating thing.
12:42If you are...
12:43If I'm at dinner with you and I got mine and they know I got mine and they come after me,
12:48I would really like you to be on the side with yours to make sure it can get popping.
12:52But I want you to be accurate because you said you're not a good shot.
12:55So, that's why we're working on that.
12:57But I'm sure if he saw you taking it seriously and he saw you as a real responsible gun owner
13:04and somebody who was actually prolific with their shooting and stuff, you'd probably feel
13:08a little bit more comfortable.
13:09Now, if all these guys are getting a little sideways, you might be picking soft guys.
13:13Because a woman with a gun is a sexy thing, especially when they know how to use.
13:17Yeah, a guy with a gun is sexy.
13:20I always find them sexy, so I don't know why they didn't find me sexy.
13:24Well, no, they probably find you sexy.
13:26They just don't find that gun sexy.
13:28And, like, you waving it around being all dangerous and everything.
13:31So, yeah, just make sure you get comfortable with it and you're good.
13:33And also, like, the way she's presenting it is, like, I have a gun, but I'm a bad shot.
13:37Ha ha.
13:38It seems, like, very jokingly about it.
13:40Like, let's not joke about that.
13:43Right.
13:43There's other things that we can laugh about.
13:45But, like, you don't just have a gun.
13:48You're a bad shot.
13:49So, you're a shooter, too.
13:50Yeah.
13:52Exactly.
13:53Yeah, it's problems.
13:54All right, well, let's grab one more.
13:56We got one more.
13:56Yeah, I got one for Meredith.
13:57Hey.
13:58It says, Meredith, my boyfriend still hasn't said I love you.
14:01We've been together for seven months and nothing.
14:03I've said it to him, and he's never said it back.
14:06Now it feels awkward to say it to him, so I just don't.
14:09What is he waiting on?
14:11Maybe he doesn't love me.
14:12I'm confused.
14:13I thought our relationship was going so well, so I just don't understand.
14:17All right.
14:17You got to have a weird, awkward conversation here.
14:20You can't just be throwing out the I love you word to somebody that they just never reciprocate.
14:25And, by the way, some people need their own timeline here.
14:29I mean, sometimes it takes a guy or whoever you're dating a year or two to even throw that word out because they take it super serious.
14:36Maybe he's never said that to somebody else before.
14:38So, you have to take that into account.
14:40But it is difficult being the person to say, I love you first, and then the other person just says, oh, thank you.
14:46Have you ever done that?
14:47Because I did that.
14:47I believe that's happened to me before.
14:49Have you ever said, I love you to somebody and they didn't say it back?
14:51Yeah.
14:53Boy, now, so we all know how that feels.
14:54Because I'm telling you, that's a crappy feeling.
14:56I don't know how long she can stay with somebody in saying that word without it being reciprocated.
15:03But if he at least explains, like, listen, I'm almost there.
15:06It's just I've never said that to somebody or I just don't throw that word around, then I have more respect for you.
15:11But, you know, damn, how long is it going to take, you know, when you're going to have those feelings?
15:15Some people are just not comfortable saying it.
15:16But I remember there was somebody I dated in college and I told them I loved them first and they didn't come around for, like, months.
15:22Yeah.
15:23And I had to change my speech because I was all like, I told you, my mom was like, you always want to be in love.
15:29I was just, that's what happened when you raise a kid or listen to the Luther Vance.
15:33But you keep trying to find love.
15:35But what I had to do was modify it and keep saying, all right, you know, I know you're not there yet.
15:40I just want to tell you, I love you.
15:41So, you know, when you're ready, I'm ready.
15:44I'm ready.
15:44And I'm sitting there all getting it.
15:45A puppy dog.
15:46And all I got was, oh, oh, oh, oh.
15:50And I'm like, oh, don't pat me on the head.
15:53Like, because that's what it feels like.
15:54It feels like you're getting patted on the head.
15:56Like, oh, didn't you also say it when you were, you know, when you were doing it?
15:59OK, listen, listen, we ain't got to go up to old stuff.
16:02You have a pattern here.
16:03I don't have a pattern.
16:05That was during sex.
16:06That was different.
16:07It came out.
16:08It came out.
16:10I'm sorry.
16:10I love you.
16:11Oh, my God, I love you.
16:15And they turned around like, what did you just say?
16:17Nothing.
16:19I'm just going to keep my eyes on the road.