Should I tell him?
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00:00Which therapist you need?
00:01Therapy Thursday.
00:02Now on Wild 94.1.
00:03I understand therapy.
00:04Hi, everybody.
00:06Hi, Dr. Nick.
00:07All right, we got doctors on deck for you.
00:09Therapy Thursday.
00:10We talk it out.
00:11Mental health is a real thing.
00:13And sometimes you need to talk to somebody.
00:15If you ain't got a professional, you got a freak.
00:17You got Nanda Davi.
00:18You got Meredith MD.
00:20Hello.
00:20You got Orlando BGYN.
00:22We cover all corners up in this thing.
00:24I'm thinking about raising my prices.
00:25But is your copay going up?
00:27Yes, 2021.
00:29Of course.
00:30It's that new administration.
00:32That Obamacare.
00:34Got it.
00:34It's happening.
00:35All right, so let's see here.
00:36You can text us or call 888-429-0941.
00:39Who's on deck?
00:40I got one for you, O.
00:41What you got?
00:42I am a 25-year-old mom with a 2-year-old boy.
00:45My future ex-husband is 33.
00:47We were together for five years, and I made the decision to leave my marriage because of
00:51his lack of desire to be a dad or even be around our child by himself.
00:55He would rather play video games and sleep.
00:58We were living separately for a while than to be around the family that we created.
01:02But I see the holidays are coming up and the custody agreement.
01:05I am second-guessing my decision to leave.
01:08Am I wrong?
01:10Second-guessing and you're just doing it alone?
01:13That's what she said.
01:14She's doing it alone, but because the holidays are coming up, she's thinking she should just
01:17kind of stick around through the holidays, at least try it again.
01:20It doesn't help anybody in the long run.
01:22I mean, you put in the work for it.
01:24Yes, that's cool.
01:26But realistically, it's just keeping a Band-Aid on the wound that probably could heal better
01:30if you took the damn Band-Aid off.
01:31Like, if y'all ain't right, you have to kind of be honest.
01:36A lot of people do it.
01:37They try and find their way back to love, but really they just find their way to lazy.
01:41Because you don't want to inconvenience the family.
01:45You don't want people asking you questions.
01:46You don't want to have to move.
01:48You don't want to have to find another place.
01:50You don't want to have to be nice to him as far as co-parenting is concerned.
01:53That's all nice, but that ain't love.
01:56Like, if you're with somebody and putting up with them, doing all the crap that they do,
02:00that takes a little bit of love and less negotiation.
02:03So I would just, you know, if you're not getting the help that you deserve,
02:08then you've got to point that out.
02:09And you probably should point that out way at the beginning,
02:11so when it does become a problem, there could be somebody working on it.
02:15So I would just say, if you're done, you're done.
02:19Don't just stick around.
02:20Don't quit a job and then keep showing up.
02:22It's easier to stick around because of the holidays.
02:24There's always an excuse.
02:26Yeah, but easy ain't always right.
02:27That's all I'm saying.
02:28So, you know, it's a hard decision.
02:30I can't make it for you, but I would get out of there and don't be sticking around.
02:33Because sticking around, that's a waste of time.
02:35O says run, girl.
02:37Sometimes you've got to run.
02:39That's what we got.
02:39All right, what we got?
02:40All right, a text came in from Meredith at the 863.
02:42It says, Meredith, very long story short, I broke up with my man.
02:46We got into a very bad place, so after four years I ended it,
02:49and then I slept with someone.
02:51It was kind of like a screw it thing, and it was insane.
02:54Much different than I was used to.
02:56But then the ex called.
02:58We talked a lot, and we ended up getting back together.
03:01What am I supposed to do with the guilt and the memories of what happened?
03:04Do I say something, or do I just take it to the grave?
03:07I don't feel guilty, I mean, about sleeping with somebody else when you weren't with your partner.
03:12You guys broke up.
03:14You guys officially weren't together.
03:15It's not like you just took a break.
03:16She said, what, a week later?
03:18Like, come on, like, come on, come on.
03:19Well, if this was Davi, he would be on the same road and the same track as what I'm talking about right now.
03:24The second someone breaks up with Davi, Davi's like, whoop, skirt.
03:28That's a lot of snitching going on here.
03:29A lot of snitching.
03:30No, no, that's what he has said before.
03:33And so I'm just saying, like, if you're not taking a break, and you really have decided that both of you aren't right for each other, and you end up sleeping with somebody, you both are taking that risk.
03:42Okay, so does she tell the guy?
03:44No, no, don't tell him.
03:46If he asks, don't lie, but don't just volunteer that information.
03:51That's my advice.
03:52Because he's probably not going to ask, because there's no way you went and got your dust knocked off in a week.
03:57Right, that's why he's not going to ask.
03:58Right, so let's just leave it alone.
04:00But she went out there and did the Mandingo thing, so now she's back with the, like, little schmipi schmipi.
04:06If you guys are still trying to figure it out and you're on a break, I feel like when you're on a break, you're still trying to figure out whether you guys should be together, then, personally, I wouldn't go out there and sleep with other people.
04:16Somebody else out there probably would, but that's just me.
04:19Now, if you're definitely not with that person at the time and it happened, don't necessarily feel guilty about it.
04:24And if he asks you, just be honest.
04:25Why can't she feel...
04:26I don't want to...
04:27No, if she feels guilty...
04:29That's your patient, that's your patient, I'm not going to step in.
04:30You can ask, you can ask.
04:32I just, why can't she feel guilty?
04:34You slept, you was with somebody for years and slept with somebody else a week after you broke up.
04:38I know.
04:39Like, that's a little slutty.
04:41Like, a little bit, just a little bit slutty.
04:43Like, it's not a lot, you're not like a raging one, but it's like you knocking on the door.
04:47I get it.
04:48So the guilt should be good.
04:49You should be guilty.
04:50Well, that's why she wants to tell him, because maybe she'll feel better, but if he asks, she should be honest about it.
04:55Don't tell him, but live with the guilt.
04:57Everybody thinks that she should not tell him, right?
04:59Yeah, don't tell him.
05:00Don't tell him.
05:01Don't volunteer.
05:01Don't even tell...
05:02I would even opt to lie.
05:04No!
05:04Don't say, like, because you're going to ruin the relationship.
05:07You're building your future on the lie.
05:08You built four years of I know who you are.
05:11You had a week of I don't know who the hell you are.
05:14That's a different thing, and that's enough to crush a man's spirit.
05:16So I would say maybe, maybe lie, but definitely don't answer.
05:21And you know what?
05:22Live with that guilt, because that guilt should remind you how you got, you turned into a thought five days after leaving some man.
05:28You can come on in with a text or a call, and you'll get a 60-second-ish session.
05:34We can never get out in 60 seconds, but we try.
05:37All right, let's see here.
05:38We got calls or texts.
05:40What do we got?
05:40Let's get the good dude on the phone.
05:42All right, let's see.
05:43This is D.
05:45D is on the phone right now.
05:47D, what's up?
05:48What's going on, O?
05:49Hey, how you doing?
05:50It says, for all may jump in.
05:52Okay, so all of us can get this one.
05:54Okay, what you got?
05:56Yeah, basically, I called a couple of weeks ago.
05:58You know, we've been together 15 years, married seven, and all of a sudden, she's unhappy and wants, you know, to-
06:04Ah, yes, you did call.
06:06Yeah, and everybody was like, what happened all of a sudden?
06:08Just confirm, it's Dobby.
06:09It was nothing to do with the D.
06:11Uh-huh.
06:11D is on point.
06:13All right, just checking.
06:15Okay, so everything is good there.
06:17So, I mean, what happened?
06:20Okay, short version, her dad passed away like three years ago, and her younger brother was in Arizona.
06:25Pretty much out there with no family.
06:26So, I flew cross-country, packed him up, moved him to Orlando, stayed in my house, rent-free, didn't have a job.
06:33Tried to get him a job with my brother-in-law.
06:35My brother-in-law wouldn't pay him.
06:36One of my good buddies had a business, got him a job there.
06:39So, that's December.
06:41He stayed here from December to, let's say, July.
06:44He didn't give two weeks' notice.
06:46He basically packed up, moved back to Arizona.
06:48No goodbye, no thank you, no nothing.
06:50Whoa.
06:51Yeah, exactly.
06:52Like, when I called him to see, hey, I heard you're moving back to Arizona, he's like, yeah, I'm in Texas.
06:55I'm like, what do you mean you're in Texas?
06:57I'm driving through Texas now on his way back.
06:59Just quit the job that you set up for him and everything else, bounced, left everything.
07:03How did she respond to that?
07:06Well, basically, I told him, you know, he wasn't-ish.
07:09And, you know, a real man would say, hey, look, I'm homesick or whatnot.
07:11I appreciate the opportunity.
07:14And then make your leave.
07:15Or at least give my buddy that, you know, got him the job at two weeks' notice.
07:18And now I've got egg on my face because my brother-in-law disrespected a good friend of mine.
07:22Yeah.
07:22Well, here's where the problem comes in.
07:24Because I called him on his crap, you know, and he's 28 now.
07:28I think he's like 29, almost 30.
07:30He's basically told his sister that as long as she's married to me, he won't talk to her.
07:33So we've already filed for a dissolution of marriage.
07:36January 11th, we will be divorced.
07:38Okay.
07:38So, all right.
07:39Here's the deal.
07:39First of all, my take on it is that's an excuse.
07:46Like, we don't know.
07:46I mean, you could, you know, like we even joked when you wrote us last a couple weeks ago.
07:51And it was like, yo, we think we hitting it and killing it.
07:54Like, would she say, because you said, just told Davi, the D is awesome.
07:59But that's your vote.
08:00Like, I mean, and they couldn't, and maybe it isn't the D,
08:03but I'm just saying something is up that she's using this excuse.
08:06Because nobody files for divorce because their family member is like,
08:11I'm not talking to that person.
08:13I got people in my family I ain't talking to now.
08:16She basically raised him, though.
08:18So, I mean, it is her brother, but she looks at him like a son.
08:23Yeah.
08:23And it's a close family member.
08:25I get it.
08:25But I'm saying there's something else there.
08:27It ain't just, people have made people,
08:31Michael Jackson has brought gang members together and beat it videos.
08:34People can meet together in the middle.
08:36There's something else that's keeping y'all apart
08:39because dissolution of marriage is just such a major move for it just to be a good thing.
08:44There's something else.
08:45And I don't know if you even want to dig into it
08:47because, honestly, it's been, like, you know, it's hard to get back from that.
08:51Yeah, she's blaming her brother.
08:53I understand, her whole family has reached out to me sideways without her knowing,
08:57and they're all confused left field.
09:00Like, no one knows.
09:01None of her friends.
09:02Like, again, we've been together 15 years,
09:04so we know everyone in each other's circle.
09:07Everyone.
09:08You might not know one.
09:09Oh, man.
09:10Yeah.
09:10Yeah, somebody might be darkening them alleyways.
09:13That's all I'm saying.
09:13This sounds like I've met someone.
09:16Something has messed up y'all mojo.
09:18I could appreciate it if it was that.
09:20Honestly, because in her current financial situation, I'm worried about her future.
09:25She can't, she's never had an apartment.
09:27She's never had a car payment, never paid car insurance.
09:30Yeah, so she's not looking for independence right now.
09:32She's landed on somebody else.
09:33Somebody's long.
09:34Well, then, hey, then God bless them, they can both have that.
09:37Yeah.
09:37Broke women know how to find them ways to something.
09:40Have you?
09:41Broke men do, too, by the way, just to let you know.
09:43Broke folk, they know how to find them.
09:44Have you flat out asked her if she is seeing somebody else?
09:48Absolutely.
09:48It just seems so weird.
09:51Have you ever thought about that maybe you're doing too much?
09:54So, like, the brother gets in a situation, you move him, you fly him, you take care of him, you get him a job.
10:00Like, you got your girl, she's never had to worry about anything, lift a finger, pay a bill.
10:05Like, maybe you need to, like, let people kind of fail on their own a little bit.
10:10Oh, yeah, say that.
10:11Yeah.
10:12I can appreciate that, and that's what's about to happen.
10:14Can't be the hero.
10:15The hero of 110% until January 11th, and then January 11th, once the judge, you know, hits that gavel, hey, all bets are off.
10:22Yeah, and that's what you got to do, because sometimes you're too nice.
10:25You sound like a really nice guy.
10:26Some of us nice suckers out here, dog.
10:28Let me tell you, D, I'm with you.
10:29Tell me about it.
10:30I'm with you.
10:30So, ladies, if y'all listening, hey, January 12th, hit your boy up.
10:34I'll be back on the morning.
10:34Hey, you know what, January 12th, we'll be back on the air, and you call us, and we'll
10:40put you on the air, and we'll find you that next day.
10:42Yeah, let us know.
10:44There you go, absolutely.
10:45All right, D, all right, take it easy, man.
10:47You know what's interesting is sometimes it is the most obvious thing.
10:50Yeah.
10:50Even though you're being lied to from somebody.
10:52Sometimes you just know, and you're being told lies, but you just know.
10:55We know.
10:56Tell me one woman out there who doesn't have a financial plan that is leaving the person who's
11:01doing everything for her if she don't have another place to land.
11:03No, she got a backup plan, and her backup plan.
11:05That's a backup plan.
11:05Yeah.
11:05And the backup plan is talking good game.
11:07Right.
11:08Yeah.
11:08There you go.
11:08Wants to take care of her a different way.
11:09Let's grab one more text.
11:11Let's see here.
11:12This is another free-for-all if y'all ready.
11:13Okay.
11:14Okay.
11:14Throw it up.
11:15It says, I'm a single mom of a five-year-old working a full-time job overnight.
11:18I'm going to school to get my bachelor's.
11:20I have family members that help me, but the person that watches my son is extremely toxic
11:26to me, but she loves my child dearly.
11:28What should I do?
11:29Because it's starting to affect my mental health.
11:31As a parent, you'll put up with so much just to make sure that the kids are okay.
11:37Childcare.
11:38Childcare, family.
11:40It could be a mother-in-law.
11:41It could be this.
11:41It could be that.
11:42Just to make sure that the family is happy.
11:44But if you aren't good at the end of the day, and your mental is not right, and you're about
11:50to fall apart, I mean, you are the foundation for your child.
11:53So I would slowly try to find other options.
11:57Slowly.
11:58So that way the kid's not ripped out of the situation.
11:59But here's the thing.
12:00Are other options the best option?
12:03Well, we got to look into it.
12:04Right, right.
12:05Maybe they are.
12:05Because maybe you're in a position right now that you can't necessarily get somebody else
12:13because you're working full-time, you're going to school, you have a lot going on.
12:17I'm assuming that this person that loves your child dearly probably accommodates to your
12:21schedule.
12:21And that's a hard thing to just kind of replace.
12:24It is, but it's also a hard thing to drop off somebody that you really can't stand.
12:29Right.
12:30I had a couple issues where people had my kids because they are close, but I was like,
12:35yo, I'm kind of like, yo, that person's kind of janky.
12:37Yeah, it bothers you.
12:39And it bothers you, but you know they would never do nothing to your kid.
12:41But it's like, damn, when does the disrespect trickle over to your child?
12:45You know what I'm saying?
12:45So you got to, it's hard to drop your kid off with somebody who ain't really got your
12:49good interest.
12:50So what about looking at other options?
12:52Just to see.
12:53You don't have to make the split decision and just switch out.
12:55Get your plan B like, like that other lady who got the plan D going on.
12:59Get your backup plan with this person.
13:02It's the same way.
13:03Same advice.
13:04Get you a backup plan too, boo.
13:06Orlando and the Freak Show.
13:08All right.
13:08Therapy Thursday is a wrap.
13:10Everybody with your nice mental health.
13:11Talk about it.
13:12Be about it.
13:12All right.
13:13We're coming back.