"Charisma isn’t something you’re born with. It’s something you build."
In this video, we break down the real mechanics behind personal magnetism—the invisible signals that make people listen, trust, and follow you without even realizing why.
You’ll learn:
🧠 Why charisma isn’t about being loud or flashy
🔥 The two real forces behind all lasting charisma: warmth and competence
🌿 How your presence speaks before you ever open your mouth
🛡 Why emotional control, subtle energy, and strategic communication matter more than surface charm
This isn’t about faking confidence.
It’s about becoming someone who commands respect naturally—because you radiate authenticity, clarity, and strength.
🎯 Subscribe for weekly insights into psychology, philosophy, and the art of mastering your influence.
#PsychologyOfLife
#CharismaDevelopment
#EmotionalIntelligence
#SocialSkills
#PersonalPresence
#WarmthAndCompetence
#MasterYourInfluence
#PowerfulCommunication
#LifePhilosophy
#SelfMastery
In this video, we break down the real mechanics behind personal magnetism—the invisible signals that make people listen, trust, and follow you without even realizing why.
You’ll learn:
🧠 Why charisma isn’t about being loud or flashy
🔥 The two real forces behind all lasting charisma: warmth and competence
🌿 How your presence speaks before you ever open your mouth
🛡 Why emotional control, subtle energy, and strategic communication matter more than surface charm
This isn’t about faking confidence.
It’s about becoming someone who commands respect naturally—because you radiate authenticity, clarity, and strength.
🎯 Subscribe for weekly insights into psychology, philosophy, and the art of mastering your influence.
#PsychologyOfLife
#CharismaDevelopment
#EmotionalIntelligence
#SocialSkills
#PersonalPresence
#WarmthAndCompetence
#MasterYourInfluence
#PowerfulCommunication
#LifePhilosophy
#SelfMastery
Category
📚
LearningTranscript
00:00this episode is brought to you in the format of an audiobook have you ever found yourself
00:07talking but feeling like nobody's actually listening or putting in hours of effort only
00:12to have it overlooked if you've ever felt invisible in your job or relationships you're
00:18not alone vanessa van edwards author of cues believes the root of this problem might be a
00:23lack of charisma she says charisma is the key trait that gets people to pay attention in her
00:28research she discovered that many of us unknowingly weaken our own charisma without it you can't truly
00:34express yourself or build lasting connections and that can limit your progress in almost every area
00:40of life the good news charisma isn't something you're either born with or without it's something
00:46you can learn van edwards explains that charisma is not some kind of magic but rather a blend of
00:53subtle verbal and non-verbal behaviors that shape how others see you in this episode we'll want to
00:58check you through how to build charisma from the ground up first we'll look at what charisma really
01:03means and how the cues you send both spoken and unspoken can either boost or harm it then we'll
01:09dive into the specific signals you should use or avoid depending on your personal style and strengths
01:15by the end you'll have a set of practical tools to help you show up in a way that makes others notice
01:21listen and genuinely appreciate you when you enter a room filled with strangers people form opinions
01:28about you within seconds they might not even know your name but based on the way you stand move or make
01:35eye contact they've already decided whether you seem confident friendly or someone worth talking to
01:41these fast impressions are triggered by the signals you unknowingly send van edwards calls this the secret
01:48language of communication she explains that every tiny signal we give off our posture our gaze how we
01:55carry ourselves speaks volumes before we even say a word these cues introduce us to the world long
02:01before we speak she also describes every conversation as a kind of cue contest you're constantly reading
02:09the other person's signals and they're reading yours think of a moment at a party where someone gives you
02:14a weak handshake and avoids eye contact instantly your brain says they don't seem confident this is
02:21where things get interesting van edwards found that the most charismatic people are those who strike the
02:26perfect balance between two kinds of signals warmth and competence warmth is about making others feel safe
02:33and comfortable through genuine smiles open gestures and a friendly voice competence is what earns you
02:40respect it's how you stand tall speak with clarity and show confidence the real magic happens when you blend
02:47both as van edwards puts it warmth builds trust competence builds respect and together they create charisma
02:55picture yourself in a job interview of course you want to seem capable that's the competence part but if
03:02you're so focused on sounding smart that you forget to smile or show any personality the interviewer might think
03:09they're knowledgeable but would i enjoy working with them that's the risk of displaying confidence
03:16without warmth now flip the script and imagine someone who's cheerful and friendly but struggles
03:21to answer even the basic questions about the job while their personality may be charming the interviewer is
03:27left questioning do they actually know what they're doing this highlights an important point too much
03:33warmth without the balance of competence can lead others to doubt your abilities on the other hand if you
03:39come across as highly competent but show no warmth people may respect you but they'll also feel uneasy or even
03:46intimidated a truly charismatic person strikes the perfect balance like a big brother figure
03:52someone you admire for their wisdom but also feel emotionally connected to a great real world example of this
04:00is keanu reeves the internet's universally beloved celebrity why is he so adored because he's found that sweet spot
04:07between strength and sincerity he's incredibly skilled and committed to his craft as an actor which shows
04:13competence but he's also grounded respectful and treats everyone from co-stars to fans with genuine
04:20kindness which radiates warmth vanessa van edwards takes it a step further by outlining what she calls the
04:27four levels of charisma a kind of roadmap that helps you understand where you currently stand and what you need to work on
04:34to grow more charismatic at the base level is what she calls no charisma this is when both warmth and confidence
04:42are absent people might perceive you as cold uninterested or unskilled even if that's far from true you might be
04:50brilliant and kind but if your signals don't reflect that no one will recognize it the next level is some
04:56charisma characterized by high confidence but low warmth many professionals fall into this category if you're
05:04someone who prides yourself on knowledge and ability you may naturally give off competence cues others
05:10will respect your expertise but the lack of warmth might make you come across as distant or unapproachable
05:16then there's the opposite some charisma with low competence and high warmth this type of person is
05:22often pleasant and fun to be around but because they lack the signals that convey expertise or capability
05:29people may hesitate to trust them with responsibility finally there's the highest level high charisma
05:35where warmth and competence are both strong this is where you earn both trust and respect people want to
05:41collaborate with you support you and follow your lead it's the level where influence and likability intersect
05:48so how do you climb this charisma ladder that's where intentional growth comes in
05:53van edwards insists that charisma isn't a fixed trait you're not stuck with whatever level you're at now
05:59it's a trainable skill and like anything else it improves the more you practice the first step is
06:05figuring out where you're starting from using the four level framework once you've identified your current
06:11stage you can begin strengthening the signals you're missing your goal isn't to become someone else it's to
06:18adjust your presence depending on the moment and the people you're with most people have at least a
06:24rough sense of where they fall on this scale but if you're unsure ask yourself honestly am i naturally
06:30someone who leads with warmth with competence or do i struggle to show either self-awareness is the
06:36foundation for leveling up your charisma you might be the kind of person who's warm easy going and instantly
06:44lights up a room but when it's time to share your ideas you suddenly freeze or maybe you're the
06:50opposite highly focused and deeply knowledgeable someone who naturally earns respect but often
06:56keeps others at a distance either way knowing where you stand is the first step to growing your charisma
07:03to help you strike that balance between warmth and authority van edwards offers a simple tool
07:08called the friend and expert test after any conversation ask yourself two questions did i make
07:14them feel like i'm a friend did i also demonstrate that i know my stuff if you can answer yes to both
07:21you're well on your way to developing true charisma let's say you're pitching a new idea start by opening
07:27with a relatable anecdote or even a quick joke to create a human connection then move into your data
07:34and arguments with clarity and poise in essence warmth opens the door and confidence gives people
07:39a reason to walk in and stay the signals you use don't have to be over the top or theatrical in fact
07:47the simplest gestures are often the most powerful if your goal is to show warmth focus on making others
07:53feel seen and valued that could mean offering a sincere smile nodding along while they talk or
08:00maintaining comfortable eye contact to communicate confidence it's not just what you say it's how you
08:06say it speak with intention pay attention to the tone and clarity of your voice but more importantly align
08:13your facial expressions and body movements with your words because when your body language matches your
08:19message people believe you when it doesn't your body almost always speaks louder than your words there's
08:26a reason for that research suggests that up to 93 of communication is non-verbal your body is
08:33already speaking before you say a single word in just a fraction of a second your facial expressions
08:38and gestures can reveal whether you're feeling confident tense or even disinterested so what exactly
08:45are micro expressions they're those fleeting facial movements that give away what someone is truly feeling
08:51often lasting less than a second but even though they're quick they carry a lot of emotional weight
08:58take a genuine smile for example known as a duchenne smile it doesn't just involve the mouth it also
09:04activates the muscles around the eyes if someone smiles but their eyes stay neutral chances are the smile
09:11isn't real and people can sense that to express warmth more naturally practice letting your whole face join in
09:18when you smile it instantly makes you seem more friendly and authentic another key expression to
09:24look out for is the raised eyebrow if you're telling a story and the listener lifts their brows slightly
09:29that's usually a sign they're intrigued or engaged but if their brows scrunched together or their lips
09:34tighten that might signal confusion or skepticism the fascinating thing is that these micro expressions are
09:41universal no matter where someone's from a real smile or a look of disgust means the same
09:47thing across cultures your face speaks a language that everyone instinctively understands let's shift
09:53our focus to the rest of your body van edwards reminds us that every movement you make sends a message
09:59are you coming across as confident warm or perhaps distant for people to trust you your physical
10:05behavior needs to reflect your words imagine saying i'm thrilled to be here while keeping your arms
10:11tightly crossed that contradiction it sends the opposite signal and people pick up on it right away
10:20posture is another powerful cue standing upright with your shoulders pulled back doesn't just make you
10:25appear more self-assured it also helps you feel more in control this is what van edwards refers to as
10:32power posing even when you're feeling anxious taking up space with an open and grounded stance can trigger a
10:38psychological shift that boost your inner confidence highly charismatic people often seem adaptable
10:44like social chameleons not because there are pretending to be someone else but because they're
10:50tuned into their environment they rid the room sense what others need and adjust their signals accordingly
10:56one person might respond better to warmth while another is drawn to competence knowing what matters
11:02most to your audience is essential to building real rapport and when you're unsure van edwards
11:08suggest leaning into warmth first warmth creates a quick emotional bond once that connection is in
11:14place you can bring in competence to establish credibility and earn trust the beautiful thing is
11:20charisma doesn't require perfection you don't have to reinvent yourself or fake a personality
11:26true charisma comes from being present being intentional and making others feel important it's about
11:33creating real human moments where people feel heard appreciated and inspired that's the kind of presence that
11:40that lingers long after the conversation ends