"Perfectionism isn’t the enemy. Misguided perfectionism is."
In this video, we break down the two very different faces of perfectionism:
Personal Standard Perfectionism (PSP) — the kind that drives you to grow and master your craft.
External Concern Perfectionism (ECP) — the kind that traps you in anxiety, fear of judgment, and burnout.
You’ll discover:
🧠 Why not all perfectionism is toxic
🔥 How your childhood shaped your perfectionistic tendencies
🌑 The hidden biological reasons why some people collapse under mistakes
🛡 How to shift from toxic to empowering standards—and finally reclaim joy in progress
You’re not broken for wanting to do things well.
You only need to remember who you’re doing it for: yourself, not the applause.
🎯 Subscribe for deep insights into psychology, self-mastery, and building a life on your own terms.
#PsychologyOfLife
#HealthyPerfectionism
#ToxicPerfectionism
#PersonalGrowth
#SelfMastery
#EmotionalIntelligence
#GrowthMindset
#ChildhoodTraumaHealing
#ShadowWork
#MentalHealthAwareness
In this video, we break down the two very different faces of perfectionism:
Personal Standard Perfectionism (PSP) — the kind that drives you to grow and master your craft.
External Concern Perfectionism (ECP) — the kind that traps you in anxiety, fear of judgment, and burnout.
You’ll discover:
🧠 Why not all perfectionism is toxic
🔥 How your childhood shaped your perfectionistic tendencies
🌑 The hidden biological reasons why some people collapse under mistakes
🛡 How to shift from toxic to empowering standards—and finally reclaim joy in progress
You’re not broken for wanting to do things well.
You only need to remember who you’re doing it for: yourself, not the applause.
🎯 Subscribe for deep insights into psychology, self-mastery, and building a life on your own terms.
#PsychologyOfLife
#HealthyPerfectionism
#ToxicPerfectionism
#PersonalGrowth
#SelfMastery
#EmotionalIntelligence
#GrowthMindset
#ChildhoodTraumaHealing
#ShadowWork
#MentalHealthAwareness
Category
📚
LearningTranscript
00:00In this episode of Let's Talk Psychology, we explore a personality trait that has the
00:08power to either drive you towards success or make your life feel overwhelming.
00:13Perfectionism.
00:14It's important to understand that not all perfectionism is harmful.
00:18Psychologists identify two main forms, one that supports your growth and another that
00:23makes every attempt feel like a burden.
00:25The positive form is referred to as personal standard perfectionism, PSP.
00:31This variation of perfectionism centers around self-betterment.
00:35You aim high because you genuinely want to, not because you feel pressured by others.
00:40Your ambition is internally fueled and you find joy in the process of development.
00:45Elite performers in areas such as athletics, entrepreneurship, and the arts often reflect
00:50this mindset.
00:51They pursue mastery because they are passionate about honing their abilities.
00:55On the flip side, the negative form is known as external concern perfectionism, ECP.
01:02In this case, perfectionism turns into a source of stress.
01:06Instead of reaching for excellence to grow, you're compelled by anxiety.
01:10Anxiety about being judged, failing, or letting others down.
01:14This kind of perfectionism doesn't stem from enthusiasm or drive, but from a need to dodge disapproval.
01:22People with ECP believe they must perform flawlessly to be accepted, appreciated, or loved.
01:27For many individuals, whether they grow into healthy or toxic perfectionists is deeply influenced by their
01:33upbringing and the dynamic they had with their parents.
01:36Those with ECP tendencies often came from households where mistakes weren't tolerated.
01:41Think back.
01:42Did affection or approval ever feel like it came with conditions?
01:46Did you get the sense that your worth was based entirely on your accomplishments or how
01:51well you performed?
01:53If so, you may have been led to believe that love had to be earned through perfection.
01:58Here's the issue.
01:59Perfection was never actually attainable.
02:02Regardless of how well you did, your efforts were never quite enough.
02:06Say you scored 90% on an exam.
02:09Your parents might only point out the 10% you missed.
02:12Or imagine you played a great match and helped your team win, but your parents still focused
02:17on a missed shot or the fact that you didn't meet their scoring expectations.
02:21With time, these experiences ingrained the belief that your parents' approval would always
02:26remain out of reach.
02:27When you failed, they magnified your errors.
02:31When you succeeded, they insisted you should have done better.
02:34Your brain eventually internalized the message that no matter how hard you tried, you could
02:39never win.
02:40Fixing mistakes lost its meaning because success never seemed to earn genuine approval.
02:46The true burden of toxic perfectionism lies in the fact that you have an intense desire to
02:51succeed in everything you take on.
02:52Yet, the instant you come across a mistake or setback, your brain enters panic mode and
02:59shuts down.
03:01Instead of confronting the issue head-on, you fall into a spiral of self-blame, delay action,
03:07feel hopelessly inadequate, or abandon the task altogether.
03:10There's a biological explanation for this.
03:12The medial frontal gyrus, MFG, the part of your brain in charge of decision-making and
03:18executive control, doesn't function optimally.
03:22If you experience external concern perfectionism, your brain is wired differently.
03:28As a result, it instinctively avoids or disengages when mistakes arise.
03:33In essence, your mind tries to shield you from the emotional pain of failure by backing off.
03:38That's why those grappling with toxic perfectionism often resort to procrastination or quitting
03:44at the first sign of difficulty.
03:46It becomes a means of self-preservation.
03:49In contrast, individuals who exhibit personal standard perfectionism, the more constructive
03:54form, have brains that respond very differently.
03:58When someone with PSP makes an error, another brain region steps in, the anterior cingulate
04:04cortex, ACC.
04:05This area acts as the brain's internal error monitoring system.
04:10Rather than causing a shutdown, it deliberately slows down your thought process, prompting you
04:16to evaluate what went wrong and how to fix it.
04:19In short, those with PSP manage errors with composure and treat them as learning opportunities.
04:25Once again,
04:26This divergence can often be traced to early life experiences.
04:32People with PSP usually grew up in environments where making mistakes was not met with harsh
04:37judgment.
04:38They weren't subjected to relentless criticism or unattainable expectations.
04:43When they achieved something, they received praise and encouragement.
04:47When they stumbled, their parents offered reassurance and helped them learn from the experience,
04:51instead of making them feel like failures.
04:55This kind of nurturing atmosphere trained their brains to view mistakes as a normal and essential
05:00part of growth, not something to dread.
05:03So if you find yourself trapped in the patterns of ECP, your brain will instinctively urge you
05:08to give up the moment things go wrong.
05:10The way to interrupt this cycle is to become consciously aware and accept the mistake rather than resist
05:16it.
05:17Doing so calms the MFG, enhances cognitive control, and supports completion of the task.
05:24Instead of dodging the error, face it.
05:26Instead of descending into self-doubt, ask yourself, what lesson is hidden here?
05:31Keep in mind that everyone encounters setbacks.
05:34The challenge is to ensure your brain doesn't stop you from moving forward through them.
05:38Moreover, it's important to recognize that PSP and ECP are not binary.
05:43They exist along a spectrum.
05:45Together, they produce four combinations that influence how you interpret challenges,
05:49what drives your actions, and how you find motivation.
05:53One, high ECP and low PSP.
05:56The approval seeker.
05:58The approval seeker is primarily motivated by a desire for external recognition and lacks
06:03solid internal benchmarks.
06:04Rather than striving for personal growth, this person centers their efforts around fulfilling
06:10others' expectations.
06:12Their feeling of accomplishment hinges on external validation rather than any sense of internal
06:17progress or self-defined goals.
06:19Take, for instance, a student who studies diligently to achieve high grades.
06:23If their hard work is overlooked or goes unacknowledged, they quickly become discouraged and may give up.
06:29This creates a problem as their drive is entirely based on external praise rather than a sincere
06:35passion for learning or self-betterment.
06:38Two, low ECP and low PSP.
06:41The disengaged.
06:43This profile reflects a mindset where an individual has stopped caring about both others and themselves.
06:48The underlying belief is, I don't care what others think, and I have no meaningful goals
06:54of my own.
06:55This blend leads to apathy, lack of ambition, and a sense of drift.
06:59Without either personal standards or concern for external expectations, there's nothing to
07:05propel action.
07:06A good example is a student who puts no effort into studying and ends up failing, not out of
07:12rebellion, but because they simply lack motivation and concern, both internally and externally.
07:17Three, low ECP and high PSP, the lone wolf.
07:22The third configuration combines low ECP with high PSP and is often described as the lone wolf.
07:29This person adopts the attitude, I operate by my own rules and only care about meeting my
07:34standards.
07:35I'm indifferent to others' opinions.
07:38At first glance, this can seem admirable.
07:40Independence and self-drive are strong qualities.
07:43However, relying solely on one's perspective isn't always effective.
07:47For instance, if you're an entrepreneur who focuses exclusively on your own ideas without
07:52taking into account market demand or customer preferences, your venture will likely fail
07:57regardless of your efforts.
07:59Similarly, in personal relationships, ignoring your partner's emotions and expectations can
08:04lead to conflict and distance.
08:06While external concern shouldn't dictate your life, it can still provide valuable insight, so long as it doesn't
08:13control you.
08:14Four, high ECP and high PSP, the balanced perfectionist.
08:19This final combination characterized by high ECP and high PSP represents the balanced
08:24perfectionist.
08:25These individuals hold themselves to high internal standards while also recognizing the usefulness
08:31of external feedback.
08:32Their guiding principle might be, I set high expectations for myself, but I stay receptive
08:38to critique in order to improve.
08:40My perspective matters, but I value others' input as well.
08:44For most people, this is the ideal mindset to develop.
08:48The way to reach this balance is to start with strong personal standards, letting your motivation
08:53originate from within, and then remain open to outside input because it can offer valuable
08:59insights that you might not see alone.
09:01This approach doesn't mean you must always listen to others, but rather that you thoughtfully
09:06weigh their feedback against your own judgment.
09:09For example, if an author receives critiques on their manuscript, they don't blindly accept
09:13or dismiss them.
09:15Instead, they assess whether the comments align with their creative vision.
09:19If it enhances the story, they integrate it.
09:21If not, they respectfully choose not to adopt it.
09:25The most important takeaway here is that even when working toward your own goals, it's natural
09:30to feel concerned about letting others down, and that's okay.
09:34You don't have to sacrifice one for the other.
09:37It's possible to care for yourself and still care about those around you.