When a meteor strikes a man on the head, alien slugs take over his brain and turn him into a ravenous zombie.
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:00this or not yes please all right then shut the fuck up and pay attention
00:00:04now obviously i wasn't there from the beginning but based on what i know now i'm pretty sure i
00:00:12can piece the whole thing together i'm pretty damn sure the whole thing started with one big
00:00:18fucking public accident it's a beautiful night for feeling lonely a beautiful night
00:00:25for being afraid so raise your hands one and only one of the kinds that feel this way
00:00:34i don't want to talk i don't want to explain it i don't want to fuck and i don't want to fight
00:00:42it's only a feeling it's bleeding it's all over the world and it's all that's a night
00:00:49cause it's a beautiful night
00:00:51it's a beautiful night yeah
00:00:55it's a beautiful night
00:00:58it's a beautiful night to be here
00:01:03it's the perfect time for being wasted
00:01:11perfect time to watch the stars
00:01:15so throw back your head come on embrace it
00:01:19it's a beautiful night
00:01:20wherever you are
00:01:22it's a beautiful night
00:01:24it's a beautiful night yeah
00:01:28it's a beautiful night
00:01:31it's a beautiful night to be here
00:01:36and all good things will come to you
00:01:44made a night
00:01:46made a night
00:01:48it's not true
00:01:49i don't know
00:01:53and all good things to those who dream
00:01:59made a night
00:02:01made a night
00:02:02i don't know
00:02:08to raise your eyes
00:02:13raise your hands
00:02:18all right fellas
00:02:33no mintes today
00:02:36i'm looking for at least a two pounder
00:02:38yeah how about saving one for me huh buddy
00:02:40hey
00:02:47first buy of the season
00:02:49it's mine
00:02:50all mine
00:02:51bill
00:03:00bill
00:03:00bill
00:03:02bill come on
00:03:05bill
00:03:06come on man
00:03:07bill
00:03:08oh no man
00:03:09don't do this to me
00:03:10come on
00:03:10bill
00:03:12now loela
00:03:29i told you once before
00:03:31when ben and bill get together with homer lyman and otto up at that lodge
00:03:35they're doing one of two things
00:03:36fishing or drinking
00:03:37i don't suppose you're familiar with the term personal space
00:03:48sorry
00:03:50excuse me deputy
00:03:54do you think i could maybe
00:03:55i don't know if you're going to be a goddamn pie hole
00:03:56you're right
00:03:58it was terribly selfish of me to ask
00:03:59you know why sit back and enjoy the fun
00:04:03well take the pills i don't care
00:04:05all right loela
00:04:07all right you take care okay
00:04:09jimmy ray
00:04:13jimmy ray
00:04:13go get the van
00:04:15bring her on back
00:04:16right to the door
00:04:17don't even leave this much room you understand
00:04:19for god's sake next time hold the mustard will you please
00:04:22well gentlemen
00:04:27much as it pains me
00:04:29it looks like i'm going to have to drag your asses over to jackson county
00:04:32it's very disappointing
00:04:34very disappointing indeed
00:04:35because i was looking forward to having some
00:04:37shall we say
00:04:38quality time with you gentlemen
00:04:40much like i had with your brother
00:04:42a singer
00:04:43correct me if i'm wrong
00:04:44but doesn't your ex-wife
00:04:47live in jackson county
00:04:48god i miss her
00:04:50you push me boy
00:04:54jimmy bob
00:04:57take these malcolm tents out of here
00:05:00before i kill them
00:05:01you got it
00:05:02wait wait
00:05:07wait they changed my 20 i swear
00:05:10i must state again that any attempt to avoid payment will be met with immediate leg action
00:05:25righteously reverend elvin fongsworth praise the lord
00:05:29you get all that sister amy
00:05:31yes i do reverend
00:05:32um but now what do you mean by leg action
00:05:36um that's uh legal action amy
00:05:40what is your mind today
00:05:42i'm so sorry
00:05:43all right
00:05:44try to keep your mind on what you're doing
00:05:46you're damn moron
00:06:01what a restaurant dumbass for records driving
00:06:03son of a bitch
00:06:05are you all right
00:06:09oh bless you honey
00:06:11i'm just a little tired
00:06:13from all this driving
00:06:14you shouldn't have dismissed your driver this weekend
00:06:17i wanted this time to enjoy our fellowship
00:06:21i have so many things i want to be telling you today
00:06:24tell me reverend
00:06:27my heart is always open
00:06:29perhaps i phrased it poorly
00:06:35amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy amy am
00:07:05of your intense loveliness.
00:07:07My every waking moment is filled with impure thoughts of you.
00:07:14You see, a man must have a clear mind
00:07:17if he's to minister to the faithful.
00:07:20He could not stand before his congregation
00:07:21with a painful, wicked, throbbing...
00:07:24Please, Reverend, stop.
00:07:28I've dreaded this day for so long.
00:07:30But I know now it is God's will.
00:07:38He has set me here.
00:08:00Don't move!
00:08:08Jesus Christ!
00:08:10It's Timmy, it's me!
00:08:14Candy, what the hell is it?
00:08:17I don't know.
00:08:18I don't know.
00:08:19I don't know.
00:08:20I don't know.
00:08:21I don't know.
00:08:22I don't know.
00:08:23I don't know.
00:08:24I don't know.
00:08:25Jesus Christ, it's Timmy, it's me!
00:08:28Candy, what the hell are you doing?
00:08:32I want to borrow your hoop earrings.
00:08:35The ones with the CZs in them.
00:08:38Why are you so goddamn grumpy?
00:08:40I don't know.
00:08:41Could it be because you're going through my drawers?
00:08:45Maybe it's because I'm the only one
00:08:47who's been in your drawers lately.
00:08:50Believe it or not, sis, not everyone judges their relationships
00:08:53on how many orgasms they have.
00:08:56So can I borrow them or what?
00:09:00Jury stand.
00:09:01Second draw.
00:09:02All you had to do was ask.
00:09:03Well, now, I didn't want to wake you.
00:09:08I know you were late.
00:09:10Well, that panned out real well, didn't it?
00:09:12Nearly got yourself killed over a pair of earrings.
00:09:15A really cute pair of earrings.
00:09:18Not that they would have been much use with your head blown off.
00:09:22Oh, for corn's sake.
00:09:24Don't be so dramatic.
00:09:26Come on.
00:09:27As long as you're up, make me some damn coffee.
00:09:32All right.
00:09:33This looks like the river on the map.
00:09:34Ugh.
00:09:35Stop.
00:09:36Pulled everything.
00:09:37My tootsies are killing me.
00:09:44I don't know why I agreed to break away from the group.
00:09:46Probably back at the lodge with ice-cold drinks by now.
00:09:49Stop worrying.
00:09:51I can read a map better than that yutz guide.
00:09:55These pretty boys kill me.
00:09:57They grow a beard, throw on a plaid shirt, and suddenly they're Daniel friggin' Boone.
00:10:01I took one look at that idiot and knew he couldn't find his way to the bathroom.
00:10:05I was kinda hoping he might find his way to my bedroom before the weekend was over.
00:10:12Guys today have more between their legs than between their ears.
00:10:16Claudia, why do you have such a problem with men?
00:10:21I don't have a problem with men.
00:10:23I just hate them.
00:10:24You know what it-
00:10:25What are you waiting for?
00:10:28I think it's better if I don't.
00:10:31What?
00:10:32Stick in.
00:10:33Be a man.
00:10:34Oh.
00:10:35Okay.
00:10:36I'd say so.
00:10:38Okay.
00:10:39I'd say so.
00:10:51I'd say so.
00:11:10I'd say so.
00:11:16I'd say so.
00:11:20Ow! Ow! Ow!
00:11:35I will make a...
00:11:39The size of the world with me
00:11:45Round the lake tonight
00:11:50Round the lake tonight
00:11:54By my side
00:12:15from the background
00:12:18I can kill you
00:12:20But I can go
00:12:22On this tank
00:12:24I can kill you
00:12:24I can kill you
00:12:25I can kill you
00:12:26I can kill you
00:12:27I can kill you
00:12:28That is what I can kill you
00:12:29You bet
00:12:30You see
00:12:31What the�
00:12:37Oh, honestly
00:12:38HILlle
00:12:40Pius
00:12:41King
00:12:41Pius
00:12:44Okay, all right, I'm in.
00:13:00Grab that ladder.
00:13:02I don't smoke.
00:13:04It might come in handy.
00:13:07Okay.
00:13:11So, where are we going?
00:13:13Leaving.
00:13:13What?
00:13:14It's illegal.
00:13:15We're convicts.
00:13:16Besides, we're not going to get anywhere on a flat tire.
00:13:19Spare.
00:13:19They don't have one.
00:13:21Huh?
00:13:22Yeah.
00:13:23Don't you read the papers?
00:13:24Watch the news?
00:13:25Budget cuts, man.
00:13:26A lot of the essentials were downsized.
00:13:28Tires, uniforms, chewing tobacco.
00:13:32But hey, it was a good plan.
00:13:33And I admire your driving initiative.
00:13:34That's rare in a douchebag.
00:13:36Um, those were the handcuff keys.
00:13:47Son of a bitch!
00:13:48Get out!
00:13:50Ow!
00:13:52Yeah, you know, I hate when that happens.
00:13:55Where'd they go?
00:13:59Over the river and through the woods.
00:14:01Over the river and through the woods.
00:14:01There's never that.
00:14:01Looks like crazy.
00:14:02It's not that.
00:14:03Get out of it.
00:14:04Let's do this.
00:14:06Let's do this.
00:14:08Okay, so the escape was a bust.
00:14:35Let's just turn ourselves in, and when we get back to jail,
00:14:37I'll recommend you for a stay of execution.
00:14:39What do you say?
00:14:40Oops.
00:14:41Oops.
00:14:42What oops? I have the lighter.
00:14:44And the keys, you tossed them.
00:14:57Almost forgot.
00:14:58Oh!
00:15:00Oh!
00:15:01Amy, are you all right?
00:15:05John, high heels!
00:15:12Oh, here, let me fix those.
00:15:14Oh, here, let me fix those.
00:15:21Those are my best shoes.
00:15:25I'm sorry, I just thought, well, now you can walk at least.
00:15:29Oh, yeah, you're right. I'm sorry. It's just that I'm tired.
00:15:31I'm the one who should apologize. I'm the one who brought us out.
00:15:33What?
00:15:34It needs to be, the Lord doth indeed provide.
00:15:36That old road?
00:15:37Well, a private road means a private residence.
00:15:41And a private residence means a private phone.
00:15:43Exactly.
00:15:44Oh, thank God. I'm so hot and sweaty.
00:15:48My clothes are sticking to me like a second skin.
00:15:50Do you think they'd let me use their shower?
00:15:52Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:15:55Do you think they'd let me use their shower?
00:15:56I won't rest until you realize that divine wish.
00:16:25Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:16:37Do you think they'd let me go?
00:16:39Do you think they'd let me know?
00:16:41Don't go.
00:16:46Do you think you're feeling the
00:16:53Sydney?
00:16:54Sheriff Bodine, hi.
00:16:55Come in the middle of sight.
00:16:56Well, Luella's calling already.
00:16:58Well, she knows the reception up there is hit and miss, right?
00:17:01Bill and the guys do more drinking than fishing.
00:17:03Yeah, I'm sure she'll hear from them once they run out of beer.
00:17:07But, hell, I suppose I could send up Jimmy Ray.
00:17:09No, it's federal running. My jurisdiction.
00:17:13I'll be heading up to the station about an hour or so.
00:17:15If I get a chance, I'll run over and check on them then.
00:17:17Bye.
00:17:17Bye.
00:17:24Well?
00:17:51Well, what?
00:17:54We're lost, aren't we?
00:17:57What's with the attitude crap?
00:17:59I knew it.
00:18:01Of course, there's no reception out here.
00:18:04Look, I'm sorry, all right?
00:18:06You're sorry.
00:18:07My phone bill is higher than Whitney Houston.
00:18:09I can't even get a signal.
00:18:11No, I mean about the other thing.
00:18:14Look, I'm sorry that I touched you with this dream.
00:18:20Terrific.
00:18:21Well, that's what you're mad about, isn't it?
00:18:23You haven't spoken to me in over an hour.
00:18:26Claudia, forget about the stream.
00:18:28I'm not worried about you.
00:18:29I'm worried about bears.
00:18:31They have much bigger hands, and they don't do their nails.
00:18:34It's not my fault.
00:18:35It's this fucking map.
00:18:37I mean, there's supposed to be a road around here somewhere.
00:18:40Let's move it then.
00:18:41I want to beat rush hour traffic.
00:18:42I'm sorry.
00:18:48I want to beat rush hour traffic.
00:18:49Oh, my God.
00:18:50Oh, my God.
00:18:50Oh, my God.
00:18:55Oh, my God.
00:18:55Oh, my God.
00:19:08BIRDS CHIRP
00:19:38BIRDS CHIRP
00:20:08BIRDS CHIRP
00:20:17BIRDS CHIRP
00:20:18BIRDS CHIRP
00:20:20BIRDS CHIRP
00:20:22No way.
00:20:39BIRDS CHIRP
00:20:51BIRDS CHIRP
00:21:03BIRDS CHIRP
00:21:15BIRDS CHIRP
00:21:17BIRDS CHIRP
00:21:23BIRDS CHIRP
00:21:25BIRDS CHIRP
00:21:27BIRDS CHIRP
00:21:31BIRDS CHIRP
00:21:33BIRDS CHIRP
00:21:35BIRDS CHIRP
00:21:37BIRDS CHIRP
00:21:39BIRDS CHIRP
00:21:41BIRDS CHIRP
00:21:43BIRDS CHIRP
00:21:45BIRDS CHIRP
00:21:47BIRDS CHIRP
00:21:49BIRDS CHIRP
00:21:53BIRDS CHIRP
00:21:55BIRDS CHIRP
00:21:57BIRDS CHIRP
00:21:59BIRDS CHIRP
00:22:11BIRDS CHIRP
00:22:13I hate them little fuckers.
00:22:43Empty.
00:22:49What a surprise.
00:22:51So tell me, Bob, is this our new home now?
00:22:54And where do you see yourself this time next year?
00:22:57In hell.
00:22:59Shit, I was kind of hoping you'd say Hawaii.
00:23:13Thank God.
00:23:23Maybe we can use their phone.
00:23:24Maybe Paris Hilton is camera shy.
00:23:27You're right.
00:23:29It does look pretty deserted.
00:23:31What about that dirt road we've just crossed?
00:23:33What about it?
00:23:35Well, maybe we should just go back.
00:23:37It'll be dark in a half hour.
00:23:38Does that road have a roof?
00:23:40Well, no, but...
00:23:41Welcome to Camp Claudia.
00:23:43Looks like a real fixer-upper.
00:24:11Yeah, early American creepy.
00:24:14I say we get the hell out of here.
00:24:17And I say you get comfortable and start looking at that map while we still have some light.
00:24:21It doesn't look like this place has electricity.
00:24:29I'll fix this something new.
00:24:33Food.
00:24:33You know, we don't even know who owns this place or anything.
00:24:39This could be where all the redneck hillbillies bring their sisters and farm animals for sex.
00:24:44It's a fishing lodge.
00:24:46Then why are all the windows boarded up?
00:24:50To keep the fish from getting away.
00:24:51Here, have some freeze-dried snow peas and relax.
00:24:55Do you want my help?
00:24:57Oh, my God.
00:24:58Oh, my God.
00:24:58Shut up.
00:24:59Oh, my God.
00:25:00Oh, my God.
00:25:01Shut the fuck up!
00:25:09Give me your backpack.
00:25:10Fuck you, Gomer!
00:25:15Thank you, sir.
00:25:20Fuck you.
00:25:23Say, Bob, you remember what we used to say back in high school whenever we found ourselves at one of those really dull parties?
00:25:30Where's all the girls?
00:25:31Remember?
00:25:31High school.
00:25:34Yeah, or fifth grade, whichever you made it to.
00:25:36Anyway, I was thinking, why not keep them around a bit, you know?
00:25:39Just to liven things up.
00:25:41I think how dull it's going to get with just the two of us.
00:25:44Not that you're dull, Bob.
00:25:46I mean, what with these last few hours and all, I'm going to be pissing pure adrenaline for weeks.
00:25:51But, hey, what's a party without girls, you know?
00:25:54Let's have some fun with them, you know?
00:25:56Tell some off-color jokes.
00:25:57Crack some farts.
00:25:59Smack them around a bit.
00:25:59Then, tomorrow morning, you can wake up, roll over, kick one of them in the ass, and say,
00:26:04Hey, bitch, wake up and make me some freeze-dried snow peas.
00:26:10Come on, Bob.
00:26:11See?
00:26:13Look at that.
00:26:14Girls are fun.
00:26:15They're great.
00:26:16But if you blow their brains out, then they won't be around to clean up the mess afterwards.
00:26:23Girls are whining, annoying.
00:26:28Pains in your ass.
00:26:31Not all girls bobbed, all right?
00:26:33I mean, your mother was a girl, I assume?
00:26:38I killed her.
00:26:39Serves her right, the whiny cow.
00:26:41Let's see if they have any more food.
00:26:44Would you like to join us?
00:26:45I'll take that.
00:26:55Thanks.
00:26:57So, do you ladies have anything to declare?
00:27:02Alcohol?
00:27:03Tobacco?
00:27:04Mexicans?
00:27:05Ixnay on the acbe octay.
00:27:09This guy just il-cayed and op-cay.
00:27:13What'd you say?
00:27:14I said, ooh, look at all the goodies we have.
00:27:16We've got freeze-dried snow peas and powdered soy milk bars.
00:27:21And for dessert, mmm, trail mix with organically grown pine nuts.
00:27:28Christ, the shotgun would be more humane.
00:27:30It doesn't really have that lived-in quality.
00:27:44Faith, Amy.
00:27:46We must have faith.
00:27:47You must believe.
00:27:49I believe if there's a phone in there, I'm Madonna.
00:27:54May I?
00:27:55What are you doing?
00:28:01I am giving you back your bracelet.
00:28:06I think we should start seeing other felons.
00:28:12There you go.
00:28:18Somebody's coming.
00:28:27Get into the bedroom.
00:28:30Get into the bedroom.
00:28:31Get into the bedroom.
00:28:48Be at ease, sister, Amy.
00:28:59It was only the wind.
00:29:03Hands up.
00:29:04Who are you?
00:29:05I'll ask the questions.
00:29:07Easy, Amy.
00:29:09Yea, though we walk through the valley of death, we shall fear no evil.
00:29:12Well, you haven't met Bob yet, have you?
00:29:14Shut the fuck up.
00:29:17Now, son.
00:29:17Let's just do what he says.
00:29:19Now, see here, Bob, we're going to get along with these people just fine.
00:29:23Now, who are you and what the hell are you doing here?
00:29:27Just a couple of stranded travelers, lost and tired.
00:29:32Search them.
00:29:37Sorry.
00:29:38This isn't my regular job.
00:29:40I'm just working for him until I get my degree.
00:29:43Degree?
00:29:44In what?
00:29:45Running and hiding.
00:29:49Clearly.
00:29:50Okay, Bob, they're unarmed.
00:29:52That's not true, brother.
00:29:53We're wearing the armor of faith and carrying the sword of righteousness.
00:29:57Well, get back to me when you have a holy hand grenade.
00:30:00Okay.
00:30:01What we have here is a Reverend Eldon Farnsworth.
00:30:06And Amy Smoots.
00:30:09You a reverend?
00:30:11That's correct, brother.
00:30:14But you're not Mrs. Reverend Eldon Farnsworth.
00:30:18All right, Rev.
00:30:20Cast those filthy thoughts out of the gutter of your mind or I'll show you the back of my hand.
00:30:26Okay, Bob, you can shoot him now.
00:30:28Oh, God, no!
00:30:30Please!
00:30:32Prison chaplain used to get me extra food.
00:30:35Used to write letters for me.
00:30:36Oh, you were so asleep by that time, pal.
00:30:45So, what are you going to do with us?
00:30:47Don't know.
00:30:48We're in the middle of nowhere.
00:30:50We won't be able to reach the cops for days.
00:30:53Why not just let us go?
00:30:55That would be the Christian thing.
00:30:57You know, actually, we could.
00:30:59Go ahead and let...
00:30:59Shut up!
00:31:01All of you, shut the fuck up!
00:31:08I gotta think.
00:31:11Well, folks, we might as well get comfortable.
00:31:14This could take some time.
00:31:29We'll be back.
00:31:31Let's go.
00:31:32We'll be back.
00:31:33We'll be back.
00:31:33We'll be back.
00:31:34We'll be back.
00:35:56Yeah, I remember.
00:35:58Still can't believe it took him so long to kick you off that friggin' island.
00:36:02What?
00:36:04What?
00:36:06Shit.
00:36:12What?
00:36:14What?
00:36:16Girl Ranger.
00:36:17Girl Ranger.
00:36:18Oh, shit.
00:36:20First one to make the sound is dead.
00:36:26Nice secluded spot you picked here, Bob.
00:36:34And on top of a subway station or something?
00:36:36One more person shows up, we can just lose ourselves in the crowd.
00:36:40No problem.
00:36:42No problem.
00:36:48We'll just wait till she gets close, sir.
00:36:50Then I'll blast her.
00:36:52Uh...
00:36:53Uh...
00:36:54Sir?
00:36:55You don't have to do that.
00:36:56I-I can get rid of her for you.
00:36:58She won't suspect a thing-
00:36:59Stay out of it, Sherry.
00:37:00Oh, bite me, Claudia.
00:37:02Hi.
00:37:04toy
00:37:28Oh.
00:37:30Oh, you startled me.
00:37:33I guess that makes us even.
00:37:35Mind telling me who you are and what you're doing here,
00:37:37Min?
00:37:38Oh, I'm just visiting my uncle.
00:37:41Oh, well, I'll be.
00:37:43You're Betty Jo.
00:37:44Bill talks about you all the time.
00:37:46I know.
00:37:47It's kind of embarrassing.
00:37:49Uh, is he around?
00:37:52No, he's still up at Renaissance Creek
00:37:54fishing with the guys.
00:37:56Yeah, OK.
00:37:58Well, I must say hi.
00:38:00I will.
00:38:02Oh, uh, one other thing.
00:38:05What's that?
00:38:07Bill's niece's name is Bobby Jo, not Betty Jo.
00:38:09No, don't you.
00:38:09Get away from the door.
00:38:10Do it now.
00:38:28No, I'm not a guy.
00:38:29No, no, no.
00:38:29Stay down.
00:38:34OK.
00:38:35Fuck!
00:38:36Ah!
00:38:37Ah!
00:38:42Ah!
00:38:42Ah!
00:38:43Ah!
00:38:43Ah!
00:38:45Ah!
00:38:46Ah!
00:38:47Ah!
00:38:47Ah!
00:38:48Ah!
00:38:49Ah!
00:38:49Ah!
00:38:50Ah!
00:38:51Ah!
00:38:52Ah!
00:38:53Ah!
00:38:54Ah!
00:38:55Ah!
00:38:56Ah!
00:38:57After I kill that ranger, I'm going to kill you.
00:39:14I don't know, Bob.
00:39:15That might put you over your limit.
00:39:19Hey, ranger.
00:39:21You still alive out there, ranger?
00:39:25Huh?
00:39:26You still alive?
00:39:27Because I know that had to hurt.
00:39:30Come on, girl.
00:39:31Get out here and face me like a man.
00:39:33Come on.
00:39:35Come on.
00:39:37Come on, bitch.
00:39:38Get your ass out here and face me like a man.
00:39:45You killed her.
00:39:47You killed that woman, you foul, filthy murderer.
00:39:50Elton, please.
00:39:52This is not a cultured person.
00:39:53What are you going to do with us?
00:39:56It'll be dark soon.
00:39:58I demand that you release us this instant.
00:40:01Hey, the only thing my man Bob is going to release is an ounce of buckshot in the general direction of your ass.
00:40:08Now, my cheap advice to you is to sit down and shut up.
00:40:14This is absolutely the last time I save your fucking life.
00:40:21Food.
00:40:22Snow peas.
00:40:30Wasn't I going to kill you?
00:40:31Uh, yeah, but you changed your mind.
00:40:39Yeah.
00:40:41, let's go.
00:40:50Oh, no.
00:41:03Oh, no.
00:41:05Oh, no.
00:41:06There's a half a can of peaches left, if you want them.
00:41:18Thanks.
00:41:19Yeah, thanks.
00:41:21Is there anything else from our backpacks you'd like to offer us?
00:41:25Give me a break. It's all I can get away from him.
00:41:28The guy's a human garbage disposal.
00:41:34Why don't you do something?
00:41:36Come on, Claudia, be real.
00:41:38He's just a man.
00:41:40No, he's not.
00:41:42He's a pit bull, minus a sweet temperament.
00:41:45That and he has a gun the size of a ride at Disneyland.
00:41:48Men. Can't live with them, can't castrate them.
00:41:52Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?
00:41:54Do you kiss anybody's mother with that mouth?
00:41:57Suck my dick.
00:42:00Nice.
00:42:00What are you doing with her?
00:42:09Sorority sisters.
00:42:11So?
00:42:14What are you doing with him?
00:42:15Oh, we're pen pals.
00:42:18Funny.
00:42:20I mean, why were you in jail in the first place?
00:42:23I rear-ended a truck at an intersection.
00:42:26They arrested you for a traffic accident?
00:42:28No, it was for DNA.
00:42:29My brother's doing a stretch for Grand Theft Auto, and local sheriff figures it's in the blood,
00:42:39so he pretty much likes to ride me every chance he gets.
00:42:41Did I mention it was his truck I hit?
00:42:46You hit the sheriff's truck.
00:42:48Yeah.
00:42:49Brand new, fresh off the lot truck, yeah.
00:42:52And I'm not ashamed to admit I actually popped a little wood at the moment of impact.
00:42:55Oh.
00:42:58Oh, my God.
00:43:00You know, it's good to hear you laugh.
00:43:03Yeah.
00:43:05So do you have a name or just a bunch of aliases?
00:43:08Oh.
00:43:11Clarence.
00:43:13Sherry.
00:43:14I know.
00:43:15I searched your room.
00:43:17You're lucky.
00:43:18I usually don't let a man search me on the first date.
00:43:21Well, yeah, but I bought your dinner, and I paid for this room.
00:43:26Okay.
00:43:27But, since I don't know you, my mom says I'm supposed to pretend not to like it.
00:43:32That's cool.
00:43:33Because my dad says I'm not supposed to care whether you like it or not.
00:43:35Oh, Christ.
00:43:36Christ, please stop before you make me throw up.
00:43:40I see nothing humorous about wanton lust and adultery.
00:43:44No, I can see you take that very seriously, Farnsworth.
00:43:49Watch your forked tongue.
00:43:51We are not all animals in this room.
00:43:54Do I really have a forked tongue?
00:43:56It could be interesting.
00:44:00Cast not that pearl before swine.
00:44:02This is no accident.
00:44:06No, sir.
00:44:08There is every type of human depravity and degradation in this room tonight.
00:44:14Atheists, fornicators, murderers.
00:44:16Lesbians.
00:44:19I realize now, you were all sent here to test me.
00:44:25But I am strong in the Lord, and the Lord's spirit is strong in me.
00:44:31Amen.
00:44:32Why can't you just sit there and be miserable like everyone else?
00:44:35Nobody has been sent here to test you.
00:44:38You've just got a bad travel agent, like me.
00:44:41I'm supposed to be booked with the same group.
00:44:43I believe in God.
00:44:56Really?
00:44:57Since when?
00:44:59Since my execution.
00:45:02Excuse me?
00:45:03I was sitting in a chair, all strapped in and ready to fly.
00:45:09And there was this blind and flash.
00:45:11And all I could see was this big, beautiful light.
00:45:14And I just knew it was God.
00:45:18And he wanted to be my pal.
00:45:21But how did you...
00:45:23Just unstrap me.
00:45:25And I got up.
00:45:28And everyone was looking at me all funny and making the signs of the cross and whispering about miracles.
00:45:35Well, I guess God wanted to spare me, because they committed my sentence to triple life.
00:45:45Do you feel any different?
00:45:50I've never felt better.
00:45:54My hair will lie flat no more.
00:45:56Laura truly does work in mysterious ways.
00:46:04Do me a favor and shut the fuck up.
00:46:09You're worse than him, you little hypocrite.
00:46:12That's all right, sister.
00:46:14I don't blame you for your anger.
00:46:16It's not your fault you grew up in a twisted world that encourages your perversion.
00:46:25You're the pervert.
00:46:27You in that backwood country fuck.
00:46:29Now you listen, you're you lesbian slut.
00:46:32That is a man of God.
00:46:35He's dedicated his whole life to bringing lost sheep to salvation.
00:46:39Is that what you're doing up here, Farnsworth?
00:46:41Looking for lost sheep?
00:46:43He was looking for something soft and wooey, all right.
00:46:47But I doubt he's sheep.
00:46:48Why, you little...
00:46:48What the fuck?
00:46:57I'm so much.
00:47:00Knock it off.
00:47:01Fucking dyke.
00:47:04Yes!
00:47:04Yes!
00:47:09Now, Sid, knock it the fuck off.
00:47:18That's it.
00:47:24Don't just stand there.
00:47:26Re-cuff him while I call for help.
00:47:27It's a pleasure.
00:47:31Is that my phone?
00:47:33Yeah, but I can't get a freaking signal.
00:47:34It's because of the friends and family you never want to speak to plan.
00:47:38Amy, Amy, are you all right?
00:47:40My mouth.
00:47:42You're going to be okay.
00:47:43My mouth is bleeding.
00:47:44You got to go now.
00:47:46Come on.
00:47:46Come on, let's go.
00:47:47Let me snap out of it.
00:47:48Come on.
00:47:49Going somewhere?
00:47:51Away from this place of evil.
00:47:53Oh, don't be stupid, Farnsworth.
00:47:54There's some kind of animal out there, and it is already killed once.
00:47:57Out there in the dark, you don't have a prayer.
00:47:59There's an animal right here.
00:48:01He killed that woman out there.
00:48:02And make no mistake, I've always got a prayer.
00:48:05I did something to tie his legs with, too.
00:48:13Oh, oh, oh, there should be some fishing line in one of the tackle boxes.
00:48:18Okay.
00:48:19He is cuffed.
00:48:21Don't be scared.
00:48:25What?
00:48:25We're going.
00:48:37I'm also going.
00:48:40Forget it.
00:48:41Forget it.
00:48:41We've got to go.
00:48:42Please.
00:48:44What's wrong?
00:48:47We're fine, darling.
00:48:48We're fine.
00:48:49The dirt road is just up ahead there.
00:48:51Now, as long as we have faith, we will be delivered.
00:48:54All right, now you just lean on Eldon, and soon we'll be away from this place of wickedness,
00:48:58huh?
00:49:06No!
00:49:07What happened with you, Farnsworth?
00:49:19Fine.
00:49:20Please, hurry.
00:49:24They're in danger every minute they're out there.
00:49:25Don't rush me, okay?
00:49:27I only get to die once.
00:49:29So, please, let me do it my way, will you?
00:49:31What happened?
00:49:36Where's Amy?
00:49:37Where was he?
00:49:38The devil himself, he took her.
00:49:40Calm down, Reverend.
00:49:41Calm down, okay?
00:49:43Just take a breath, relax.
00:49:45When you're ready, just tell us exactly what happened.
00:49:50Oh, shit.
00:49:51What is it?
00:49:52It's Beelzebub.
00:49:54His eyes are as dark as the pits of hell.
00:49:56He struck my Amy down.
00:49:58We've got to get this window covered like the rest.
00:49:59Why?
00:50:00What's going on?
00:50:01There's something out there.
00:50:03I didn't see anything.
00:50:11Shoot him!
00:50:13Fucking do something!
00:50:15Give it back!
00:50:17Shoot the goddamn thing!
00:50:19I didn't want to take this shit!
00:50:20Shoot him!
00:50:23Oh, Jesus!
00:50:25Oh, my God!
00:50:27Jesus Christ!
00:50:28What the fuck was that?
00:50:30Was that even human?
00:50:31It was big and ugly!
00:50:33That's what it was.
00:50:34Shh!
00:50:36Listen.
00:50:36The chimney.
00:50:47Oh, not with that fire going.
00:50:48I don't know what the fuck that thing was, but it definitely ain't Santa Claus.
00:50:51It's Satan.
00:50:52They come to punish me for my wickedness.
00:50:55Shut up.
00:50:56Well, then why don't you go out there, bend over, and take it like a man for it?
00:50:59That way the rest of us can get out of here alive.
00:51:01We've got to get this window boarded up.
00:51:03Nobody move.
00:51:17This is why the cops always cuff a suspect's hands behind him.
00:51:21Well, excuse me for not sharing your jailbird expertise.
00:51:25It's coming back down.
00:51:26Now, fuck this.
00:51:28Whatever that thing is, I'm going to go kill it.
00:51:30And then I'm going to come back.
00:51:32And I'm going to kill you.
00:51:33Oh!
00:51:35Oh, my God.
00:52:05Oh, my God.
00:52:35Oh, my God.
00:53:05Shoot him!
00:53:07Oh, my God.
00:53:11Oh, my God.
00:53:15Oh, my God.
00:53:45The buffet is closed, you slimy little fuck.
00:54:03So it used to be a liquid.
00:54:06Yeah, but real thick and gooey, like oil.
00:54:10Most of it latched onto Bob's face and turned him into some sort of zombie or something.
00:54:19And it was alive?
00:54:22We think it's some sort of parasite since it seems to need a host.
00:54:26Or else it ends up like this, huh?
00:54:28Yeah.
00:54:30Is it dead?
00:54:30No, most likely in a state of suspended animation until it comes in contact with another host.
00:54:37It could probably survive years like this.
00:54:42Molecular biology.
00:54:44We're med students over at Mercy General.
00:54:47Really?
00:54:48I thought you were a phys ed major.
00:54:51Loamy.
00:54:52Nice bedside manner, Doc.
00:54:54So, I mean, have you guys ever heard of a parasite controlling its host the way these things seem to?
00:55:01Affecting, yes.
00:55:03Controlling, no.
00:55:07So how do we kill it?
00:55:08Good question, since the shotgun's empty.
00:55:10Well, there's got to be something around here we can use for weapons.
00:55:16Yeah, right.
00:55:18I mean, Bob couldn't kill it.
00:55:20And that was his major.
00:55:21We're still human, Claudia.
00:55:24We have minds we can think and reason, which is more than that thing out there can do.
00:55:28How do you know?
00:55:30We don't even know what that is.
00:55:33It's Satan.
00:55:35Come to claim our forsaken souls.
00:55:37Nothing's snacking on sweetbreads, Reverend, not souls.
00:55:42The point is, it's just an animal.
00:55:45It's running on pure instinct.
00:55:47We can outthink it.
00:55:48We just, we can't give in to panic.
00:55:52Now, let's find some weapons.
00:55:55I'll check the bedroom.
00:55:56I'll check the kitchen.
00:55:57I'll check the kitchen.
00:56:07I'll check the kitchen.
00:56:37I'll check it out.
00:57:00Well, if any luck at all, that thing will starve to death once it realizes Bob has no brains.
00:57:04You can't vanquish Lucifer. Only God can do that.
00:57:10I guess it comes down to helping them or listening to you.
00:57:16You lose, Padre.
00:57:34I thought there might be a scaling knife or two in one of the tackle boxes.
00:57:51Good idea.
00:57:52Yeah.
00:57:59Hey, Reverend, how you doing?
00:58:05Farnsworth?
00:58:08Are you okay?
00:58:19Oh. Hmm. Perfect.
00:58:34You're fucking disgusting.
00:58:44How's she doing?
00:58:46We're fine. Thanks for asking.
00:58:47Yeah. Well, we've all had a pretty rough night tonight. Look, I think we need to put our heads together and come up with a plan to get out of here before that thing comes back.
00:58:56Let me in! Let me in, please.
00:58:57That sounds like-
00:58:58Amy? Bye Amy!
00:58:59Sorry.
00:59:02No, no, no, no, no!
00:59:14That sounds like...
00:59:16Amy? My Amy? No, no, no, no, no, no!
00:59:31Thank you, God, for delivering my Amy back to me.
00:59:34Oh, thank you, thank you.
00:59:39Thank you, thank you, Lord, for delivering my Amy to me.
00:59:42How is she?
00:59:45Probably just in shock.
00:59:48A lot of that going around today.
00:59:50Christ, Claudia, can you not be a bitch for, like, two seconds?
00:59:56I'll do.
00:59:58Amy.
01:00:01You left me.
01:00:05You left me out there with that thing.
01:00:08I almost died.
01:00:09Oh, please forgive me, Amy, my love. Please forgive me.
01:00:15Forgive yourself, fuckface.
01:00:17Fuckface.
01:00:28You dick.
01:00:29Dick.
01:00:31Hey.
01:00:32Hey.
01:00:37Hey.
01:00:39Hey.
01:00:41Hey.
01:00:45Hey.
01:00:46So what's the plan, He-Man?
01:00:58I don't know. Are we on a regular bus route here?
01:01:04Maybe we should just
01:01:05pack all of our stuff
01:01:07and get the hell out of here before that thing comes back.
01:01:10Do you remember, Bob?
01:01:11Because he's still out there.
01:01:14And he was no picnic when he was a human,
01:01:15and I doubt being a mutant parasite zombie puppets
01:01:18improved his mood any.
01:01:19Listen, Claudia was right
01:01:22about this thing being a parasite.
01:01:25But it's also acting like a single-cell organism.
01:01:29You mean like an amoeba?
01:01:31Oh, yeah.
01:01:33Believe it or not, I was a B-plus student.
01:01:35I only dropped out to help my mom with the farm
01:01:36after my brother got arrested.
01:01:40Okay.
01:01:42Anyway,
01:01:42I think this parasite
01:01:44enters the skull of its host
01:01:46and feeds on its brain matter,
01:01:51somehow enabling it
01:01:52to control the host's basic motor functions.
01:01:56Then it kills others
01:01:58in order to feed on their brain matter
01:02:00until it's gorged itself enough to divide.
01:02:05Divide?
01:02:06You mean, like,
01:02:07reproduce?
01:02:08Are you telling me there could be more than one Bob
01:02:13running around out there?
01:02:14And the longer we wait,
01:02:16the more of them we'll have to face.
01:02:19What about Amy?
01:02:26Could she be one of them?
01:02:27Mm-hmm.
01:02:29She's alert and verbal.
01:02:32No signs of brain damage.
01:02:34Yeah, that and she's not all
01:02:35gross and zombie-like.
01:02:39Yeah.
01:02:40There's that.
01:02:41That ranger had a gun.
01:02:44Yeah, so?
01:02:44Well, if you made it to her body,
01:02:48then you could get the gun.
01:02:50Wait, if I could get her gun,
01:02:51why me?
01:02:53Brother,
01:02:54that weapon could be our deliverance.
01:02:57Well, then you go out there and get it.
01:02:58You're the one who believes
01:02:59in all this afterlife crap.
01:03:01Me?
01:03:01I'm an atheist.
01:03:02If that thing gets my ass,
01:03:03it's forever.
01:03:03Oh, what?
01:03:14Are you nuts?
01:03:16Here, Reverend.
01:03:17At least take this.
01:03:30All right, God damn it.
01:03:31Wait a minute.
01:03:33We head straight for the body.
01:03:40You get the gun,
01:03:43and I'll keep an eye out for Bob
01:03:46and any other amoeba mutant fucks
01:03:49that might be out there.
01:03:51Lock the door behind us
01:03:52and don't open it till we come back.
01:03:54Hang on a second.
01:04:12It's taking so long.
01:04:25Well, I guess
01:04:25only the rightful king of England
01:04:27can pull it out.
01:04:28I think I blew out my O-ring.
01:04:37Come on, guys.
01:04:39Move it.
01:04:41Move it.
01:04:42Okay, let's go.
01:04:56Farnsworth, you okay?
01:04:57Oh, I tripped.
01:04:58On what?
01:05:01How messy.
01:05:02Let's not stand on ceremony, Reverend.
01:05:04Just get the gun
01:05:05and let's get out of here.
01:05:06It's not here.
01:05:11What's going on?
01:05:12I can't see anything.
01:05:14What's going on?
01:05:14I don't know.
01:05:15It's shaking my arm.
01:05:22Amy.
01:05:22How the hell did that thing get in here?
01:05:51It hit Amy.
01:05:52It hit her uterus.
01:05:53What?
01:05:54What the hell kind of an amoeba does that?
01:05:55I don't know.
01:05:56A drogen amoeba,
01:05:57what the hell difference does it make?
01:05:59This door's not going to hold much longer.
01:06:04Get in the closet.
01:06:08It's jammed.
01:06:10Of course it is.
01:06:13Bring me the chair.
01:06:14Move it.
01:06:18Come here.
01:06:21You try.
01:06:29There's a trap door.
01:06:35There's a basement underneath us.
01:06:37It's pretty dark,
01:06:38so be careful when you go there.
01:06:39Me go first.
01:06:40You go first.
01:06:41No.
01:06:41No.
01:06:41No.
01:06:42No.
01:06:42No.
01:06:42No.
01:06:42No.
01:06:42No.
01:06:43No.
01:06:43No.
01:06:43No.
01:06:44No.
01:06:44No.
01:06:44No.
01:06:45No.
01:06:45No.
01:06:45No.
01:06:46No.
01:06:46No.
01:06:47No.
01:06:47No.
01:06:48No.
01:06:48No.
01:06:49No.
01:06:50No.
01:06:50No.
01:06:51What are you waiting for?
01:07:06Is this a bad time to mention?
01:07:08I'm really, really claustrophobic.
01:07:10Well, I'm a death-a-phobic.
01:07:11I'm a death-a-phobic.
01:07:12Get in the fucking basement!
01:07:13And again.
01:07:13Get in the fucking basement!
01:07:15Oh, my God.
01:07:45Oh, fuck. The zombie's packing.
01:07:50I don't know. It looks like some kind of homemade space thing.
01:07:55A spaceship. I...
01:07:56I mean, that alien amoeba thing?
01:08:00It's a computer programmer from outer space or something.
01:08:04So much for outsmarting the dumb animal.
01:08:08What is this made out of hubcaps?
01:08:11It's not just hubcaps. It's a 16-inch animal.
01:08:14No!
01:08:16All right, asshole.
01:08:20You want us to come and get us?
01:08:22The joke's on you, because I already lost most of my brain cells to heavy drinking.
01:08:26Wait, wait, wait.
01:08:27I think it's trying to tell us something.
01:08:29What, give me some head cheese?
01:08:31No. If it wanted to kill us, it would have attacked by now.
01:08:33It's obviously here by accident.
01:08:38Maybe it just wants to go home.
01:08:40No. If it wanted to kill us, it would have to kill us, it would have to kill us, it would have to kill us, it would have to kill us, it would have to kill us, it would have to kill us, it would have to kill us, it would have to kill us, it would have to kill us, it would have to kill us, it would have to kill us, it would have to kill us, it would have to kill us, it would have to kill us, it would have to kill us, it would have to kill us, it would have to kill us, it would have to kill us, it would have to kill us, it would have to kill us, it would have to kill us, it would have to kill us, it would have to kill us, it would have to kill us, it would have to kill us, it would have to kill us, it would have to kill us, it would have to kill us, it would have to kill us, it would have to kill us, it would have to
01:09:10Hey, big head!
01:09:40Oh, that's just wrong.
01:09:55Oh, my God.
01:10:07We should have taken pictures.
01:10:08How often do you get to see the inside of an alien workstation?
01:10:12How would your brain like to see the inside of an alien's colon?
01:10:15Let's just get out of here before more of those things show up.
01:10:17But now nobody's going to believe us.
01:10:19As soon as we get out of here, we'll call 60 Minutes
01:10:23and we'll get Ed Bradley up here with a camera the size of a Volkswagen.
01:10:27I promise.
01:10:28I prefer Morley's safer myself.
01:10:32So, did you ever go back?
01:10:34Only to show the police where the place was.
01:10:37Clarence was right.
01:10:39There were more of them.
01:10:41The place was stripped clean by the time we got there.
01:10:44Except for the bodies.
01:10:46Yeah, except for the bodies.
01:10:48For some reason those creatures are just into head.
01:10:52So, how have these extraordinary events affected your life?
01:10:57Well, we were celebrities for a few days.
01:11:01I sold my story to the Enquirer.
01:11:04They put me on the front cover.
01:11:06Of course, all that money went to Clarence's lawyer.
01:11:09Not that it did much good.
01:11:12It took the jury all of 20 minutes to come back with that verdict.
01:11:18Oh yeah, and I got kicked out of med school.
01:11:22You know, if stupid was a sport, well that boy, he'd have a room full of trophies.
01:11:27He came in here with a crock of shit about the dead rising from the earth eating people's brains.
01:11:32But the people in that courtroom, well they knew that the only brain that got Ed was his.
01:11:37From the inside, if you know what I mean, and I think you do.
01:11:40Personally, I thought they should have fried his ass, but he only got life.
01:11:44Something about retards like him make those jury folks go all soft and fuzzy inside.
01:11:49It's a pity. A real pity.
01:11:52He's a psycho.
01:11:55Everybody in that court could tell just by looking at him.
01:11:59He blew a hole straight through my baby sister's face.
01:12:03And that ain't right.
01:12:06Even if she wasn't the pretty one.
01:12:15Of course they didn't believe me. Would you?
01:12:18I mean, the only reason it took those freaking hicks 20 minutes is because none of them could even spell guilty.
01:12:24But didn't Sherry testify for you?
01:12:26Yeah. And they thought she was lying to protect me.
01:12:29Of course, when they found us, we were holed up at Sparky's Motel off Route 9.
01:12:38Banging our amoeba-free brains against the headboards.
01:12:43So it's as if the alien amoeba never existed at all.
01:12:46Oh, it existed all right.
01:12:48You tell all your viewers, you tell everyone you know, if they see anything that even looks like a slug to shit their pants and run like hell.
01:12:55Yo, bitch! What you doing? Get your ass over here, boy!
01:13:03Excuse me. That's my husband. I better go.
01:13:06Mmm!
01:13:19My husband and my husband and I will help you move!
01:13:20Nah, baby!
01:13:23See you next time.