Robot Chicken Season 1 Episode 3 Gold Dust Gasoline
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TVTranscript
00:00It's alive!
00:30Oh my god!
00:56Look at the time!
00:58The bags!
00:59Grab the bags!
01:01My hat!
01:02Where is my hat?
01:04Oh wait!
01:05Wait!
01:06Wait!
01:07I need to admit to that!
01:08There's no time!
01:09Are you kidding me?
01:10No time!
01:11Oh no!
01:12Wait!
01:13No please!
01:14Wait!
01:15Well that's just great Steve!
01:20My mother was so right about you being unreliable!
01:24And now!
01:25Now look at where we are!
01:27Um...
01:29Uh...
01:30Are we too?
01:32We are!
01:34Come on!
01:35He's not that big a boat!
01:36Just flip it off!
01:38We're doomed!
01:43We're doomed!
01:44We're doomed!
01:45Aw game over man!
01:47Game over!
01:48You know what?
01:49I'm gonna build my own ark!
01:51Yeah!
01:52And it's gonna be better than Noah's!
01:54This sucks!
01:55You know what?
01:56Yeah!
01:57Yeah!
01:58Yeah!
01:59Do it!
02:00Do it!
02:05This sucks!
02:06You guys are gonna drown!
02:11But we're a mermaid and a merman!
02:13We can swim!
02:15I hope you can also asexually reproduce.
02:22F***hole.
02:23Crap.
02:30So, you told him the wrong time on purpose?
02:33Yep. God hates freaks.
02:35That doesn't sound like God.
02:37Bleh, bleh, bleh, bleh, bleh.
02:40Okay. Well, then, why did you let the pixie fairies on board?
02:46I did?
02:53Get back here, you little dust-toster!
03:07Ha-ha!
03:10Oh, there's more? Oh.
03:17Ha-ha-ha-ha!
03:21GOOOOO!
03:26GOOOOO!
03:30Kitty, my iPod's busted.
03:33I'm gonna put my foot right up Steve Jobs' ass.
03:37Oh, hush, Red. I'm blogging.
03:39In Korea, you could get a good blogging for five American dollars.
03:44Oh, Connie.
03:46Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
03:50Kelso.
03:51Fizz.
03:52I just took your picture with my phone.
03:55I just sent it to you.
03:57Ooh, what a sexy photo.
03:59It really captures my metrosexuality.
04:02Okay, who just text-messaged me that I'm a douchebag?
04:06Bleh!
04:08Hi.
04:09I'm TV's Topher Grace.
04:12As you've seen tonight,
04:13the precious trappings of our material-obsessed existence
04:17become the sitcom fodder of the future.
04:19So, hey,
04:20please remember,
04:22try not to be such a douchebag.
04:24Thanks for listening.
04:25Bring out your dad!
04:35I'm not about to die for a cause of a believing.
04:38What can I tell you?
04:41I mean,
04:41this is bad!
04:43Mrs. McNally's
04:45third graders present
04:47The Cowboy!
04:49The Cowboy!
04:50Oh,
04:51I sure am hungry.
04:54These carrots are not mine.
04:57But I'm hungry,
04:58so it's okay.
05:00Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum.
05:04Who's eating my carrots?
05:06Oh, dear.
05:08Those carrots are for...
05:11Robot Thanksgiving!
05:13Ah!
05:14I sure am glad I got you for Christmas,
05:17even though I wasn't good every single day!
05:20And got a spanking sometimes when I was bad!
05:24Me!
05:25Ah!
05:26That's coming from the car...
05:28the carrot patch!
05:30Me!
05:32Oh, ho, ho!
05:34Cart's doomed!
05:36Princess, too!
05:37I want to be the robot!
05:40I'm the robot!
05:42You're dumb!
05:44I will save you,
05:45Princess Brittany!
05:47I will fight you!
05:48Pow, pow, pow!
05:49Chew, pow!
05:50Get dead!
05:51Pow, pow!
05:51Get dead!
05:52No, on your day!
05:53We're...
05:54Pinch, punch, punch!
05:54I want to spruce my last night!
05:56Are you fine?
05:58He's coming off!
06:00No, I want to keep you!
06:01My daddy said I love you with his belt!
06:04Pow, pow!
06:05Mrs. McNally!
06:06Pow, pow!
06:07Mrs. McNally!
06:08Damn it, a fart!
06:09You, you, got!
06:10Pow!
06:11Pow!
06:12Win it!
06:13I now pronounce you husband, ro... wife, and robot.
06:17Muah! Muah! Muah! Muah! Muah! Muah! Muah!
06:22The end.
06:30I did it.
06:43I hear you're the guys to see about entering a race.
06:51Not just any race.
06:53No race has higher stakes than this.
06:59I want in.
07:02You gotta pay if you wanna play.
07:08I haven't met the man yet that I think can handle this race.
07:12I don't scare easy.
07:15Muah!
07:19Muah!
07:22Muah!
07:34Muah!
07:38Muah!
07:41Let's go away in the Mach 5 for it goes so very fast, and we always greatly assist me whenever he runs into trouble, which he always does.
08:11Better use the turbo boost.
08:37Michael, wait. I can only use my turbo boost once per episode.
08:40Well, I'm using it.
08:47It's important that I do not move, because if I were to move, that would add to the cost, so if I stay perfectly still, it would be preferable to move, and because animation costs money.
08:55Gosh golly, gee willikers, zimony jippity doo, Batman. Those policemen are pretty rude.
09:16Robin, law enforcement officers are the backbone of our society.
09:20Mother f***s.
09:25Dad, that guy is gaining. We're never going to win the race. I have to go to the bathroom.
09:43Will you buy me soda? My friend Jimmy's dad bought him a new skateboard. I want a new skateboard.
09:47This race is stupid.
09:58This will fool them new boys.
10:09There's a detour, Bob.
10:10Oh, my God.
10:21I don't believe in cheating, Batman. I believe in doing what's right.
10:25If you don't want a fat bitch slap, you'll launch the bat net and take down those cops.
10:33Oops.
10:36Retract the line. Retract the line.
10:39No, no, don't retract. Don't retract.
10:41Get him out of my head.
10:44Get him out of my head.
10:44Get him out of my head.
10:45Did he even touch me?
10:46Ah, ah, ah, I'm below it.
10:48Ah, ah.
11:05We're almost to the finish line, partner.
11:07Mario, we're losing. It's time to use the blue tortoise shell, no?
11:25Do it, you magnificent stereotypical bastard.
11:28The blue tortoise shell is Mario Kart race's ultimate weapon.
11:36It magically finds the lead car in the race, and he takes it up.
11:41Ha, ha, ha, ha.
11:42You're more man than me, Atlas Bonch.
12:12Headless Bonch, Headless Bonch, as the winner, you receive this gift basket from Omaha Steaks.
12:25Awesome, wonderful.
12:26And a $50 gift certificate to Best Buy.
12:32Best Buy!
12:33Woof!
12:42I'm in awe of Headless Bonch.
12:48He's very attractive.
12:50Headless Pouch.
12:51Headless Pouch.
12:53Poench, Poench, Poench, go.
12:55Headless stick.
12:58Excuse me, I just farted in a very musical tone.
13:01Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
13:03Shut up.
13:04I like being American.
13:06I like everything about being burnt, being burnt, being burnt, being burnt.
13:17Gosh, it's good.
13:19Sorry.
13:20I want to show you something that I'm very proud of.
13:24It's going to scare the living shit out of here.
13:27You will have to step back just a few feet.
13:32Print.
13:35Lunch.
13:36Stupid monkey.