Robot Chicken Season 1 Episode 11 Toy Meets Girl
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TVTranscript
00:00It's a lie!
00:30Ah, sweet Jesus in a birch park canoe!
00:43Phew, all right!
00:45I learned it from watching you!
00:48Whew, man, it's not easy being William Shatner, actor, singer, rancher, all around macho
00:59hombre.
01:00Oh, yeah.
01:02Time to beam me down a good night's sleep.
01:14You're needed.
01:15You're needed.
01:16Ha!
01:17So, you have come back, mi amor.
01:23Oh, s'il vous plaît.
01:24Oh, s'il vous plaît.
01:25I know I do not deserve forgiveness, but...
01:26Give me one last chance, no?
01:27What are you doing?
01:28What are you doing?
01:29You're needed.
01:30Oh, s'il vous plaît.
01:31Oh, s'il vous plaît.
01:32I know I do not deserve forgiveness, but...
01:37Give me one last chance, no?
01:38What you're here for, it is not important.
01:39All that matters is our love.
01:40Oh, s'il vous plaît.
01:41Oh, s'il vous plaît.
01:42Oh, s'il vous plaît.
01:43I know I do not deserve forgiveness, but...
01:44Give me one last chance, no?
01:45What you're here for, it is not important.
01:46All that matters is our love.
01:47Oh, run away with me.
01:50I curse you.
02:05You'll find them at this address.
02:11Finally, the secret is ours.
02:12They will have to accept our demands now.
02:16Finally, the secret is ours!
02:18They will have to accept our demands now!
02:24You!
02:32You shot me!
02:34The world is safe again, thanks to you.
02:46Yawn!
02:52Where do these things keep coming from?
02:58Shazam!
03:02I did it! I reunited that boy with his puppy!
03:08What the...?
03:10Come here, baby! What's taking so long?
03:15Oh, boy.
03:17There's no such thing as stupid questions.
03:21Except for Billy's questions.
03:24You're not really an atheist, are you, Todd?
03:27Look, I just don't believe in the whole Heaven-Hell thing.
03:33Wow, what an unfortunate, uh...
03:35Plot device?
03:36Yeah, plot device.
03:38Holy sh**! Heaven does exist!
03:47Holy sh**! It's beautiful!
03:54I'm a liar!
03:55What? What's going on?
03:57I'm down!
04:02Damn you, FAA!
04:11Todd!
04:12Holy sh**!
04:14Grandma!
04:15It's so good to see you!
04:17And...
04:18Uncle Steve!
04:20Holy sh**!
04:22They let you in here?
04:23Yeah!
04:24Turns out we were doing stuff the priests were into themselves!
04:29Lucky me!
04:30I was a serial killer, but repented in prison and went to Heaven!
04:37I killed hundreds in the name of our Lord!
04:43I'm just as surprised as you were.
04:48Hey, hey! You work here!
04:50Since day one. What can I do for you?
04:52What's with the hypocrisy around here?
04:54Why is Uncle Steve here?
04:56And the serial killer gets in because he repents?
05:00Well, if you're gonna bitch so much, I can return you to Earth at any time.
05:05Really?
05:06Sure!
05:07Just look over there.
05:15Douchebag.
05:16So there was this truck and it came out of nowhere, you see, and it hit our friends.
05:24Holy sh**!
05:26It's a miracle!
05:28Hey guys! I'm back!
05:30And I have so much to-
05:36Wow, that's, uh, that's so, um...
05:40Ironic?
05:41Yeah, yeah, ironic.
05:46Oh!
05:49Sam!
05:50Ziggy says in order to leap out, you gotta work the shaft.
05:54Work the shaft, Sam!
05:56There you go.
05:58China is in here, Mr. Button.
06:01Oh.
06:03Wow!
06:04I can record my favorite shows and teach it to record other shows that I like!
06:10This is great!
06:11What did I do without this thing?
06:14Yellow!
06:15Hey, buddy!
06:16We're heading out to the bar, you wanna come?
06:17Why don't you take your bar and shove it up your ass?
06:20I'm watching TiVo!
06:22But, but...
06:26Yellow!
06:27This is your boss!
06:29You're very late!
06:30Are you even coming in today?
06:32No, uh, no...
06:34Uh...
06:35TiVo...
06:36You're fired!
06:40Oh my god!
06:41My poor baby!
06:43You just get off the couch and come with me!
06:45Mama's here to help!
06:46We gotta go, baby!
06:47We gotta go and get some help!
06:49Come on!
06:50We'll get through this together!
06:52You just get off that couch!
06:53Get off that couch!
06:54You get off...
06:55Ah!
06:56Ah!
06:57Ah!
06:58Ah!
06:59Ah!
07:06Love...
07:07You...
07:08TiVo!
07:09TiVo!
07:10It'll change your life!
07:11No, it's not a tumor.
07:12It's not a tumor at all.
07:13The amazing true story that touched the hearts of generations is now a motion picture you'll never forget.
07:26Dear Diary, this is my chronicle of a most unfortunate time.
07:34My name is Anne.
07:36Anne Frank.
07:38Awesome.
07:39Luckily, everything I want is right here.
07:44My bread is so unleavened.
07:49Let the Nazis come and take my friends.
07:55Gonna pray all day till the Sabbath ends.
08:00I wanna punch that hippie.
08:02The Nazis are here!
08:04I'm on it, Dad!
08:05My pain all down.
08:07My diary.
08:09Time comes!
08:11Anne Frank's Diary.
08:16Fiena Schnitzel!
08:18You're really something, Anne Frank.
08:21I'm just me.
08:23The Diary of Anne Frank.
08:27Nazis are so uncool.
08:32Don't put the baby in the bulldozer.
08:36Dude, West Nile virus.
08:39Rules.
08:40Word.
08:41A jumper standoff with police came to a tragic end on the Brooklyn Bridge today.
08:47As an unidentified skull-faced man brought traffic to a standstill for two hours before leaping to his death.
08:55All too common.
08:57You ever wonder what became of those playthings of yesteryear?
09:01If you're the CEO of a Fortune 500 company, you're probably too busy counting money on the naked back of a $10,000 a night whore to care.
09:10But I care.
09:12Man at Arms.
09:14Killed in a hail of crip gunfire on the streets of South Central Los Angeles.
09:19Beast Man.
09:21Currently dodging child support payments under an assumed name in Akron, Ohio.
09:26We see you.
09:28Trap Jaw.
09:30Now a South Dakota State Senator.
09:32Sad fates for those once known as the Masters of the Universe.
09:37For more perspective, we've come to Prince Adam.
09:40Best known as the Champion of Eternia, He-Man.
09:44He-Man, you're currently employed as a mall security guard.
09:48How did it come to this?
09:51Yeah, well...
09:52Hey, you!
09:54Stop!
09:57By the power of graceful!
10:01He got a sword!
10:03Once the leader of the mighty Thundercats, today Lion-O was an unemployed construction worker staring down the big 4-0.
10:11After Mum-Ra died of testicular cancer, there wasn't nobody left of the Thundercats to fight.
10:17We had to get real jobs.
10:19Mm-hmm.
10:20Was construction your first job?
10:22Aw.
10:23Woo!
10:24Oh, yeah!
10:26Oh, God!
10:27Mm-hmm.
10:28And how about the others?
10:30Panthro's doing a dime in federal prison for selling junk bonds to senior citizens.
10:35And then eating them.
10:37Snarf!
10:38Snarf!
10:39Snarf!
10:40Snarf!
10:41No good roger burble!
10:42Snarf!
10:43I don't know what happened to Snarf.
10:45And what happened to the team's sexy female member, Cheetara?
10:50Meow!
10:51She's still my sexy lady, I guess.
10:54Meow!
10:55Oh, hey, you wanna go out back and shoot some cans with a .22?
10:58Not every toy meets with despair.
11:00Some, like the transformer known as Soundwave here, have managed to find steady, honest work out of the limelight.
11:08Soundwave, what's the secret of your success?
11:11Well, I just try not to do all the tasks.
11:14I have a family to support now, and...
11:17Can you hang on a minute?
11:18I'm not a customer.
11:22Oh, no, come on, girl.
11:24It may not seem like much, but it's an honest day's paycheck for an honest day's...
11:32It's an honest...
11:33Uh-oh.
11:34Oh, no!
11:41Some legends burn out or simply fade away.
11:45But some manage to adapt to changing times.
11:49Destro, you were once a member of Cobra, the ruthless terrorist organization determined to rule the world.
11:56From arms dealer to used car dealer.
12:00What happened?
12:01Everyone just sort of lost interest.
12:03I think as you get older, ruling the world just seems like too much trouble.
12:08And what became of the once feared leader of Cobra?
12:11The notorious Cobra commander.
12:13Our callers just can't get enough of these double belt pleated pantsuits.
12:18I know.
12:21Hey, you watch your mouth.
12:22I'm the one.
12:23You tell me one thing.
12:24You say another thing.
12:25You're off with the bitch switch.
12:27You get your hands off me.
12:28Your mother hates you.
12:29Go!
12:30Nobody knows what happened to Shipwreck.
12:33It's easy to forget about the toys that filled our happy youthful days.
12:38But as Americans, we must never forget to treat everyone with honor, decency, and respect.
12:46Am I done yet?
12:49You'll know, She-Ra.
12:51You'll know.
12:52Mk.
12:53Mk.
12:54Mk!
12:55Mk!
12:56Mk.
12:57Fuck
13:11Stupid monkey