The Onion

@theonion

The Onion is an entertainment newspaper and website featuring satirical articles reporting on international, national, and local news, in addition to a non-satirical entertainment section known as The A.V. Club.

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NFL Concludes Ex-Players Taking Their Own Lives Because 'They Miss Football So Much'

The Onion's Tips For Succeeding As A Woman In The Workplace

Study: Majority Of Children Lack Strong Male Supermodels

Red Roof Inn Announces New Suicidal Suite

Sesame Street: 'Bert And Ernie Are Not Gay, They Are Depraved Pansexual Perverts'

Markets In Turmoil As Price Of Money Skyrockets To $90 A Dollar

Kourtney Kardashian’s Stunning Bikini Body Washes Up On Shore

Xbox One Capable Of Controlling Users With Simple Voice Commands

Onion News Empire Official Trailer

Cutest Guy In Whole Office Not Even Particularly Attractive

Jessica Simpson Goes On Tour To Promote The Novel She Read

Is This 'Real Life Mr. Ed' Just A Horse Owned By A Lunatic?

Man With Strong Brand Loyalty Willing To Kill For Mazda

The Gunman Tragedy: A Recap Of The Onion’s Coverage

Shady New Wendy's Deal Offering Five Hamburgers For Free, No Questions Asked

Girls Gone Wild Bankruptcy Forces Thousands Of Wet, Wild Party Girls Into Tough Job Market

Bob Dylan Lays Off 2,000 Workers From Songwriting Factory

Johnny Depp Now Completely Made Of Scarves And Bracelets

Study Reveals Conditions In Women's Prisons Deplorably Unsexy

New Sony Nose Buds Allow Users To Blast Different Smells Into Nostrils

New Miss America In Danger Of Losing Crown After Officials Uncover Details From Her Sordid Future

PR Firm Advises U.S. To Cut Ties With Alabama

Armstrong Admits Drug Use, Plans Return To Cycling As Flamboyant, Fan-Hating Villain

Investigation Finds Appalling Conditions In 'Cosmopolitan' Magazine Male-Pleasure Laboratory

Ten Percent Of U.S. High School Students Graduating Without Basic Object Permanence Skills

Modern-Day Robin Hood Just Sleeping In Woods, Shooting Rich People With Arrows

SNL Hosting Gig Caps Breakout Year For Navy's SEAL Team Six

New iPhone Geared Towards College-Aged Girls Comes With Pre-Shattered Screen

Apple Promises To Fix Glitches In Map Software By Rearranging Earth's Geography

Advocacy Group: Mothers Have Right To Expose Milk-Engorged Breasts In Public