Coronation Street 3rd June 2023-n
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TVTranscript
00:00 [music playing]
00:03 I've got the chilies.
00:29 Careful.
00:30 There's millions of Scoville units in there.
00:32 What's a Scoville unit?
00:33 It measures how hot a chili is.
00:35 When you have a competition, you start with very mild
00:38 all the way to very hot.
00:41 Whoever eats the hottest is the winner.
00:43 When you say very hot--
00:45 Oh, that's for me to know, you two have nightmares about.
00:49 I shouldn't even be talking to you, actually.
00:50 You're a contestant.
00:52 You might get an idea of what's in store
00:53 to give you an advantage.
00:55 It's only a bit of fun.
00:56 You wouldn't make us eat a really hot one, would you?
00:58 Ooh, like a ghost pepper.
01:00 That's a million Scoville units.
01:03 Or a Carolina Reaper.
01:06 Two million.
01:07 That's why I'm wearing oven gloves.
01:09 You're enjoying this.
01:11 Yeah.
01:12 But there is a serious side.
01:14 We're raising money for our poll.
01:17 Right, I'm going to bob in on Apollo.
01:20 Because this American champion, right, Ron "Iron Guts" McGee,
01:23 he says eating a Reaper is like a nuclear explosion
01:26 going off in your gob.
01:28 It literally blows your head off.
01:31 Iron Guts, good name, that.
01:33 Yeah, well, it's only you and Shona up against Dev.
01:36 He's the right wuss.
01:37 Still, I'm going to put some chili powder on my eggsana.
01:40 Get ready for the big fight.
01:41 You can if you want.
01:43 But I doubt Dev will be going to any special effort.
01:46 All right, guys, see you later.
01:48 Whoa!
01:51 What do you think?
01:53 Guys, my curry is a volcano conduit
01:55 with a magma chamber below.
01:57 You've got to sponsor me.
01:58 Yeah, of course we will, won't we?
01:59 Well, I might come along.
02:01 Yes, thanks, lads.
02:03 What are you up to tonight?
02:04 Oh, just been looking after the girls,
02:06 same as every other night.
02:08 Oh, yeah, I forgot.
02:09 Still can't believe Eve linded a moonlight
02:11 flit dropping you in it.
02:12 [PHONE RINGING]
02:18 It's Carla on my back about something.
02:20 She's like a dog with a bone.
02:22 Gerry!
02:24 Hi.
02:24 Hi.
02:25 Stephen, you remember Gerry from Tai Chi?
02:29 Oh, I've been reading up about the philosophy behind it.
02:32 You know, how it stresses the natural balance of things
02:36 and the need to live in accord with all nature.
02:38 You get all that from a few stretches
02:40 at the community center?
02:41 Ignore him.
02:43 He's not a very spiritual person.
02:44 He could benefit if he opened his mind.
02:47 Well, he's in luck.
02:48 They're making the classes permanent due to high demand.
02:51 Oh, that's fantastic.
02:53 Hey, we're just on our way to Roy's.
02:56 Why don't you come with us?
02:57 Oh, no, I don't want to intrude.
02:59 You're very welcome to join, isn't he?
03:01 Yes.
03:02 Stephen, I hope you're not avoiding me.
03:07 I'm still waiting for you to get back to me for confirmation
03:09 about this meeting with Siegel.
03:11 Call me back, please.
03:13 Do you feel all right?
03:15 Would be if I could sell this factory.
03:18 Thought you had a buyer.
03:19 Past tense.
03:20 He's got cold feet.
03:22 Mysterious payments to a mysterious consultant,
03:26 apparently.
03:27 Stephen reckons it's all above board, but we'll see.
03:30 Are we short on money?
03:32 Absolutely not, sweetheart.
03:35 Ryan, you can stay here for as long as you want, OK?
03:39 All right, I better be off.
03:42 Should be contributing, not sitting on me backside.
03:45 I want to pay me share.
03:47 I need to get back to work.
03:49 Well, I'll tell you what.
03:50 I'm sure Leanne would bite your hand off,
03:52 now this Damon's gone AWOL.
03:54 Nick and Leanne might not want me putting people off their tea.
03:57 Ryan, Nick and Leanne wouldn't want
04:01 anybody so stupid and superficial in their place,
04:03 anyway, would they?
04:04 They'd be proud to have you working there, as would
04:06 any business in Weatherfield.
04:08 We're all on your side, sweetheart, OK?
04:11 See you later.
04:16 See you.
04:17 [DOOR CLOSES]
04:19 [SIGHS]
04:21 Whoa, stop there.
04:23 I don't want you coming near any of these.
04:25 I was exaggerating before, but you mustn't touch them,
04:28 especially not these ones here with the big flames on.
04:31 Yeah, I don't want to burn me gob off.
04:32 It's not just that.
04:33 Even if you just touched one, and then you touched your eye--
04:36 Or anywhere else sensitive.
04:39 Right, let's get you back to school.
04:40 There's your bag.
04:42 Is that what I think it is?
04:43 Oh, yeah.
04:45 Can't you just feel the heat?
04:46 Oh, this is like sitting in front of a two-bar fire.
04:51 Stop it.
04:51 You've got me petrified.
04:52 So can I go to the summer club?
04:55 He wants to go to this summer club.
04:57 All his mates are going to it.
04:58 It costs an arm and a leg.
05:00 Sorry, mate.
05:00 We ain't got much spare cash right now.
05:02 Oh, I don't want him missing out, not
05:06 if all his mates are going.
05:09 Why don't I ask Jenny if I can get
05:10 some extra shifts at the pub?
05:12 And you've got enough on your plate.
05:13 You've got two jobs.
05:14 You're looking after five kids.
05:15 On top of that, you've been going to some of Paul's
05:17 appointments with him.
05:18 You're doing fundraising for him.
05:20 It's only a certain amount of hours in the day.
05:22 I don't mind being busy.
05:24 Yeah, you two better get off anyway.
05:27 See you.
05:28 See you at the contest, Iron Guts.
05:32 Ah, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot.
05:45 Just came to tell you what time the chili eating starts.
05:47 Oh, yeah, I'm not really feeling up to it.
05:50 But we're fundraising for you.
05:53 Yeah.
05:54 Look, I've not had a great day.
05:57 Not back from that job I went after.
05:59 Can't even get work in a call center.
06:01 Well, you need to tap into your inner power.
06:05 Where's Billy?
06:06 Work.
06:07 You all right, ma'am?
06:14 Yeah, I took a bite of one of those chilies at our Gemma's.
06:17 I'm just going to--
06:19 just going to get a glass of water.
06:20 What are you doing?
06:39 I'm trying to clear your blockages.
06:42 You're not dying, Rod.
06:43 Right, hematite is an active stone
06:46 that's a good companion for your lower chakras.
06:48 Get away.
06:49 And citrine provides a guiding light during times of change.
06:54 Of course it does.
06:56 Please don't mock my belief.
06:57 I'm not, but they're not my beliefs, are they?
07:01 Neither are Billy's, and I'm sick of having
07:03 them rammed down my throat.
07:05 Pretending you needed a glass of water.
07:07 Well, I have to sneak around because your mind's not open.
07:10 And I really believe they're going to help you.
07:13 I need to feel like I'm doing something.
07:17 I know.
07:18 Oh, I suppose it's only a couple of crystals.
07:24 Well, there might be one or two more dotted around the place.
07:28 Right, well, maybe I'll make some hematite earrings
07:32 and flog them.
07:42 Your diet has to contain a harmonious balance
07:46 of yin and yang, whole grains, nuts, and seeds.
07:52 This is lovely, mind.
07:54 Fried bacon, white bread, and ketchup.
07:57 All things in moderation.
07:59 It's great when you see a new student get the bug like you.
08:03 Well, I think it's fascinating.
08:05 I'm keen to learn more.
08:06 Ah, there you are.
08:09 Have you managed to set up a meeting with Siegel Limited?
08:12 Excuse me.
08:13 Ah, listen, the consultant can't make it today.
08:17 Well, I'm very happy to go and see them.
08:20 Where are they based again?
08:22 Owen was very uncomfortable with them being involved.
08:24 In fact, it was one of the main reasons he pulled out.
08:26 And I can't find them anywhere online,
08:29 unless you've, of course, invented them,
08:31 which I wouldn't put past you.
08:33 They're a legitimate outfit.
08:34 Yet, see, Stephen, you're not doing anything
08:36 to allay my suspicions.
08:37 Well, I'll set up a video call.
08:39 You will, today?
08:41 Of course, today.
08:43 It was not a problem.
08:44 Leave it with me.
08:45 Good.
08:46 OK.
08:47 Thank you.
08:48 It's time to burn, ladies and gentlemen.
09:03 [INAUDIBLE]
09:04 [INAUDIBLE]
09:05 First ever Weatherfield chili eating contest.
09:09 [CHEERING]
09:10 [INAUDIBLE]
09:11 [APPLAUSE]
09:12 Oh, what the heck is Deb wearing?
09:15 You reckon he had that t-shirt before the contest?
09:17 Oh, yeah, totally.
09:19 This tongue-twisting, mouth massacre
09:21 is a fight to the death.
09:23 She's getting a bit carried away.
09:25 Oh, she's doing well.
09:26 All in aid of helping and supporting your friend,
09:29 my brother, Paul.
09:30 [CHEERING]
09:31 Thank you, bro.
09:32 [APPLAUSE]
09:33 [INAUDIBLE]
09:34 Mom's got the bucket, right?
09:36 So give generously.
09:38 Each contestant has to eat and swallow the chili,
09:42 starting with the mildest, poblano,
09:45 moving on to the next hottest.
09:48 She's going to hurt.
09:49 Say that again.
09:50 All the way to number 10, the Carolina Reaper.
09:54 With a Scoville score of up to 2.2 million.
09:58 Mind-bogglingly hot.
10:00 There's no way any of that lot's going to eat a reaper.
10:02 If you can't take the heat, you can drop out any time.
10:05 Not me.
10:06 Not me.
10:07 I sometimes struggle with the glycium, innit?
10:08 Oh, come on.
10:09 It's maturity.
10:10 Shall we meet the contestants?
10:12 [CHEERING]
10:14 Contestant number one, Dev, Hot Stuff, Allahal.
10:19 [CHEERING]
10:22 He's very confident.
10:24 Oh, he's sponsored himself to go all the way.
10:26 Contestant number two, Michael Bay.
10:30 She has the Iron Goat, Winter Brown.
10:33 [CHEERING]
10:34 Go on, Chesney.
10:37 Contestant number three, Shadow.
10:40 [CHEERING]
10:44 You not got a funny name?
10:45 No, no.
10:46 I'm taking this seriously.
10:49 Let's get munching.
10:53 All right, come on, pussy pockets, please.
10:55 Dig deep.
10:56 I don't like pub quizzes.
10:58 I'm not that clever for a start.
11:00 Nonsense.
11:01 It's more Roy's thing, surely.
11:04 Yeah, well, I mean, he has got a pretty
11:05 astounding general knowledge.
11:07 I have a limited amount of knowledge in several fields.
11:10 But I do enjoy a quiz.
11:13 Well, why don't we all go form a team?
11:15 It'll be fun.
11:16 All right, go on, then.
11:17 We deserve a night out.
11:19 I'm afraid I've already committed to help
11:21 Hope with her homework.
11:23 Sorry, the girls are upstairs.
11:25 Ah, cheers.
11:26 Right, yeah, go.
11:27 Just come to ours another night.
11:28 Are you right, Ty?
11:29 You look knackered.
11:30 Guess you've got a lot on your plate, eh?
11:32 Especially without Evelyn and Fiz being around.
11:35 Must have made his hard work.
11:36 Well, if you need any help, I'm happy to pitch in.
11:39 To be honest, I'd just like to get down to the pub,
11:41 have a couple of beers, you know.
11:42 Go.
11:43 I'll babysit.
11:44 Really?
11:45 Right, well, I'll ring Kev, then,
11:47 see if he fancies a drink after the chilli contest.
11:50 You can join our quiz team.
11:53 Boom, baby, boom.
11:55 Show us your gobs.
11:58 OK, so Shona, Iron Guts, and Hot Stuff
12:03 have all eaten chilli number seven.
12:05 [CHEERING]
12:07 Do you want to go hotter?
12:08 Eat it, eat it, eat it.
12:12 Next up, it's the Ghost Pepper.
12:15 Ooh.
12:17 With a Scoville score of up to one million.
12:22 How brilliant is this?
12:23 Yeah, it's a great one.
12:25 Everyone's made so much effort.
12:27 I hope we raised loads of money, get some of the stuff
12:29 that you need.
12:30 Please eat chilli eight.
12:34 Mate, I'm sorry about your diagnosis.
12:39 Hey, I'm a bit hot in here, you know,
12:40 with the chillies and that.
12:41 Just going to get some air.
12:42 Chilli eight?
12:44 Go on, Shona.
12:45 Go on, Shona.
12:45 Come on, Shona.
12:46 Come on, Shona.
12:47 Go on, Shona.
12:48 Come on, Shona.
12:49 Come on, Shona.
12:50 Come on, Kev.
12:50 Come on.
12:51 Come on.
12:52 [LAUGHTER]
12:54 [MUSIC PLAYING]
12:58 [MUSIC PLAYING]
13:01 Bella, where's Paul?
13:12 Hey, what's next, Dilly?
13:15 We've now come to the penultimate pepper.
13:18 Hey!
13:21 With a Scoville score of up to 1.4 million,
13:26 the Naga Viper.
13:28 Hey!
13:30 Hot stuff?
13:31 [MUSIC PLAYING]
13:35 [LAUGHTER]
13:38 Go on.
13:40 Go on, just milk.
13:41 Just give me some milk.
13:42 [LAUGHTER]
13:45 Go on.
13:46 Go on, Dad.
13:47 Go on, Dad.
13:48 [MUSIC PLAYING]
13:50 I can't.
13:51 I can't eat that.
13:52 Aw, come on, Kev.
13:53 Go on, Shona.
13:54 Come on, you can do it.
13:56 Shona?
13:58 Go on, Shona.
13:59 Go on, Shona.
14:00 Go on, Kev.
14:01 Go on, Shona.
14:02 Eat it.
14:03 Eat it.
14:04 Eat it.
14:05 Eat it.
14:06 Eat it.
14:07 Eat it.
14:08 [CHEERING]
14:09 Shona's the winner!
14:10 [CHEERING]
14:14 [APPLAUSE]
14:17 [INAUDIBLE]
14:19 It's so adorable.
14:22 Shona?
14:23 Go on, go on, go on.
14:24 [MUSIC PLAYING]
14:29 Could you do me a massive favor?
14:31 Sure.
14:32 Well, it's not work-related.
14:33 I spoke to Mom earlier, and I thought she sounded a bit down.
14:36 So I offered to go over there.
14:37 But I've just been pulled into a really big conference call.
14:39 Could you swing by and see if she's OK?
14:41 Oh, Stephen, because I don't have enough of my own work to do.
14:44 I'm already working late.
14:46 I'm sorry. You're right.
14:47 I wouldn't ask if we weren't family.
14:49 I'll go and see her. - No, no.
14:50 Look, I'm going to go and pick up Harry soon anyway.
14:52 So I'll just swing by there on my way.
14:54 You're a lifesaver.
14:55 Thank you, Sarah.
14:56 [MUSIC PLAYING]
14:59 Hey, where have you been?
15:04 You missed the aid?
15:05 Yeah, sorry.
15:06 I just needed some air.
15:09 What's up with Dad?
15:10 She said, describe your symptoms.
15:12 I've got my mouth really burning.
15:15 And I feel like my head's really banging.
15:17 And I feel, like, sick.
15:18 Do you think he should admit what he's been doing?
15:21 Uh, he, um, ate a very hot chili.
15:26 It was a contest.
15:27 Oh.
15:32 Right, thanks for that.
15:34 She said it serves you right.
15:36 Did she?
15:36 Well, that was a tone of advice.
15:37 You know, don't eat something that's going to make you ill.
15:39 [BURPS]
15:41 We go to the pub.
15:41 Good plan.
15:42 [MUSIC PLAYING]
15:46 Right.
15:54 We have raised loads of dosh.
15:59 Yeah?
15:59 How much?
16:00 Nearly 800 quid!
16:03 [CHEERING]
16:06 Oh, that's amazing.
16:10 Thanks, everyone.
16:12 [CHATTER]
16:14 The quiz will be starting soon.
16:16 An entry's five pounds.
16:17 We haven't paid yet.
16:18 One pound, 25.
16:20 It's all right, Roy.
16:22 I'll treat her.
16:23 You're hard to tear open.
16:27 Hey.
16:28 Hope you've lined your stomach ready for a big night, mate.
16:30 What, the quiz?
16:31 No, me and you on the lash.
16:33 Lash?
16:34 He's joshing you.
16:35 You're an atypical drinking partner, the opposite
16:37 of being one of the lads.
16:38 Look, I'm just getting carried away.
16:40 I'm happy to be out, good old Nina.
16:41 Michael says he's coming later.
16:43 All right, tag?
16:45 Are you on our team?
16:47 Think so, yeah.
16:48 Now, we have to create a team name.
16:51 Any suggestions?
16:53 Alka-hooligans.
16:56 Blood, sweat, and beers.
16:57 Born to drink mild.
17:00 Are you going to keep this up all night?
17:03 I need a favor, a big one.
17:05 What crazy nonsense have you got yourself into now?
17:08 Carla thinks we've been using a firm called Seagull Limited.
17:13 We've paid them lots of money.
17:15 And, well, she wants to speak to them.
17:17 So I promised her she could have a video call with them today.
17:21 You must be pretty desperate to come groveling to me.
17:24 I'll make it worth your while, but it has to be today.
17:27 So Chase reckons he's never eaten anything hot ever again.
17:31 Me and my bright ideas.
17:32 Don't say that.
17:33 You come up with great ideas.
17:36 He reckons I've ruined his taste buds.
17:38 He needs them for his burger business.
17:40 Well, thanks to you, I've got nearly 800 quid
17:43 that I can put towards the stuff I need.
17:45 Did you enjoy it, though?
17:47 Be honest.
17:49 I just wish people would treat me differently.
17:52 I could tell in that job interview
17:53 that he'd already made his mind up.
17:55 I mean, who wants an ex-con with a death sentence hanging over
17:57 them?
17:59 He's an idiot.
18:01 I wish I could go back in time.
18:04 Just before all this.
18:06 You know, when I could do what I wanted,
18:07 nothing seemed heavier.
18:09 Yeah.
18:11 Before we had kids and a job.
18:15 Speaking of which, I'm going to be late.
18:17 Yeah, yeah.
18:18 You go.
18:19 Thanks again for everything.
18:20 Yeah.
18:21 Well, Deb's fine, thank goodness.
18:33 For a moment there, I thought he'd stopped breathing.
18:35 Yeah, well, apart from that, it all went well.
18:38 It was amazing how many people were there.
18:40 Yeah?
18:41 Hey, that just shows how many people around here love you.
18:45 Hey, does anyone want a brew?
18:46 I'll put the kettle on.
18:47 No, I'll do it.
18:48 Yeah.
18:49 Look, I'm sorry about earlier.
18:54 It's not up to me how you handle this.
18:58 What are you talking about?
19:00 Me and my mum had words.
19:02 But I left a few crystals lying around.
19:05 Healing crystals, Paul said I could.
19:07 I didn't say that.
19:08 Well, you seem to think that you're
19:09 the only one with any answers.
19:11 But I believe that they'll bring him spiritual comfort.
19:14 This is my religion.
19:15 You can't compare superstition to proper religion.
19:18 Loads of celebs believe in the power of crystals.
19:22 Besides, what's proper religion ever done for our Paul?
19:24 I am not having a theological debate with you.
19:26 You heard back from that interview yet?
19:34 I didn't get it.
19:37 I'm sorry, son.
19:38 Shame you didn't have any of your crystals.
19:40 Oh, my life would be so much easier without you two.
19:44 I'm dying.
19:46 But all I seem to worry about is how you're feeling.
19:49 Arguing about me, worrying about me,
19:51 treating me like a patient, like a charity, a victim.
19:54 I don't need it.
19:55 You're just making things harder.
19:58 You don't mean that.
19:59 Don't I?
20:01 Oh, Paul.
20:03 Apollo.
20:04 Which two Renaissance artists were
20:12 commissioned to paint rival frescoes at the Palazzo Vecchio?
20:19 Rival frescoes?
20:20 Like two frescoes next door to each other.
20:23 Michelangelo and Leonardo.
20:24 It has to be.
20:26 Do you think we're winning?
20:27 We might be.
20:29 Another drink?
20:30 Yeah.
20:31 OK, if you're all ready, round three, British girl groups.
20:36 Oh, I'm rubbish at pop music.
20:38 Likewise.
20:39 Who are Babs, Teddy, and Joy?
20:43 Oh, I know this.
20:45 So do I.
20:46 Yeah, of course he got dolls.
20:47 Yeah, but you write it down.
20:48 No, no, no, you do it.
20:49 Is it the Beverly sisters?
20:51 Never heard of them.
20:51 That's gone back a bit, mind, hasn't it?
20:53 My mother's favorite.
20:55 OK, question two in the girls group round.
20:59 Who are June, Bonnie, and Anita?
21:02 Bananarama.
21:06 No, it's the Pointer sisters.
21:09 Pointer.
21:10 Segal Limited has a great track record
21:13 of helping companies like yours.
21:15 We've provided data on the Asian markets
21:17 and advised not to expand there at this time.
21:20 I'm just a bit old fashioned.
21:21 I think consultants are a waste of money.
21:23 They're only a waste of money if you don't take our advice.
21:26 I'm sure that's true.
21:28 Yeah, I suppose I just want to speak to somebody in person.
21:30 My colleague, he can get a bit carried away, you know?
21:33 He's probably your best asset.
21:35 [LAUGHS]
21:37 Oh, you're back soon.
21:41 Gran's fine.
21:42 Why would you say she isn't?
21:44 Guess I'm super sensitive.
21:45 Anyway, I forgot me laptop.
21:47 Oh, well, Carla's in a meeting, so maybe
21:49 we shouldn't disturb her.
21:50 It's a bit late.
21:50 Who's she meeting with?
21:51 Claire from Segal Limited, my consultant.
21:54 Oh, great.
21:55 I'd love to meet her.
21:56 Oh, I don't think that's a good idea.
21:57 Another?
22:03 What's that?
22:10 Are you kidding?
22:11 [LAUGHS]
22:13 Well, let me buy you a drink.
22:15 What makes you think I'd accept that
22:16 after the way you left things?
22:18 Oh, come on.
22:20 Let me try and make things up to you.
22:22 [MUSIC PLAYING]
22:26 May I have two pints, please, mate?
22:44 I can buy my own drinks.
22:45 Oh, never said you couldn't.
22:47 If you think buying me a pint means you can talk to me.
22:50 Well, I should do it.
22:51 These prices.
22:52 OK, bye-bye.
22:56 Bye-bye.
22:58 Sorry, I just need to grab my laptop.
23:00 Sure.
23:00 How'd it go?
23:01 Oh, fine.
23:02 Yeah.
23:03 Although, we won't be using them going forward.
23:05 We don't need them.
23:06 Well, sure, cool.
23:07 Oh, is this the Segal lady?
23:08 Claire, yeah.
23:09 Although, she was cautious, so my apologies.
23:12 Oh, wow.
23:12 Can we get that in writing?
23:13 It doesn't happen often.
23:16 So you all good?
23:16 Yeah, I'm good.
23:18 Well, I will be once I've got a drink in me hand.
23:20 Later.
23:21 See you.
23:22 Sure you're all right with that tiny chilli on your kebab?
23:29 Oi, Bernie, back me up here.
23:31 Is that a party room?
23:32 No, why?
23:33 Well, um, he stormed off, and Billy's
23:36 a bit worried about him.
23:37 In a row?
23:38 No, not exactly.
23:40 What have you done?
23:42 Nothing.
23:43 It's no biggie.
23:46 He rumbled me crystals, and then he
23:48 had a right go at me and Billy, and then he stormed off.
23:51 Mom, I told you he didn't want all that.
23:53 It's my belief system.
23:55 You know, same as Billy's got his churchy stuff.
23:57 I don't hear him getting lambasted every time
23:59 he says a little prayer.
24:00 All beliefs are equally valid.
24:02 Mom, it's not about what you want.
24:06 It's about what Paul needs.
24:08 He's struggling enough as it is.
24:10 I can understand.
24:11 I mean, you know, Billy talking to him upstairs,
24:14 you waving your crystals about.
24:16 He must be very wary if you're not
24:17 a believer in either of them.
24:19 Right, I'll text him.
24:21 Look, can't you go and look for him?
24:22 No, I'm going to work.
24:25 If he texts back, I'll let you know.
24:27 But if not, you should leave him to blow off some steam.
24:29 He probably needs it after all your nonsense.
24:31 You know, last place I thought I'd bump into you,
24:36 somewhere like this, you'd always
24:38 more of a Canal Street queen.
24:40 You're showing your age.
24:41 We're allowed all over these days.
24:44 So, uh, what are you doing in here?
24:46 Posh grinder date?
24:47 If it was a grinder date, I wouldn't
24:48 have left the house at all.
24:51 Now that takes me back.
24:53 Does it?
24:55 What's up with you?
24:57 What's up with me?
24:59 You dumped me.
25:00 Barely a word, some misspelled text,
25:02 and then you completely ghosted me.
25:04 Ghosted you?
25:05 I got banged up.
25:07 She never said that in your text.
25:09 Didn't I?
25:10 I was probably a bit embarrassed.
25:12 To be honest, I had bigger things to worry about.
25:15 Doesn't that make me feel special?
25:17 Blimey.
25:20 I'm sorry, Zak.
25:21 It was a pretty mad time one way or another.
25:25 I guess I really do owe you an apology.
25:27 Hm.
25:30 Still, I suppose getting banged up is a pretty good excuse.
25:34 But you could have said, I thought
25:36 we had something good going on.
25:38 I didn't have my phone, did I?
25:40 And I've never been much of a letter writer.
25:42 So we good for a drink at least?
25:48 Unless you really are waiting for a date.
25:50 No, I'm re-plumbing one of the rooms upstairs.
25:53 The boss gives me a couple of freebies
25:55 once I'm done for the day.
25:56 Hm.
25:57 I never turned down a freebie.
25:59 I remember.
26:08 Hi.
26:10 It's nice to see you out and about.
26:11 Yep.
26:14 Ryan.
26:16 Ryan, please.
26:17 What?
26:18 Ryan, please, please what?
26:19 Please, can we be friends?
26:21 Please, can you forgive me for making
26:23 this whole delightful experience 10 times
26:25 harder with all your lies?
26:26 I don't expect you to forgive me.
26:27 I don't deserve it.
26:28 Spot on.
26:29 I'm just-- I'm happy to see you.
26:31 That's all.
26:33 And I just want to know how you're doing.
26:35 Fine.
26:36 You don't have to worry about me.
26:37 In fact, I'm starting back at the bistro,
26:39 so normal service has been resumed.
26:42 Well, that's great.
26:43 Yeah.
26:43 So you can take your guilty conscience
26:45 and you can save it for the next person you screw with.
26:48 Which classic car did James Bond drive in from Russia
26:58 with love?
26:59 You enjoying the quiz, Stu?
27:01 Oh, it's hard to get a word in with Professor
27:03 Yaffel in charge.
27:04 And there's not a book in the library
27:06 that Yasmin hasn't read.
27:07 I feel like a right spare part.
27:09 I know what you mean.
27:10 I'm the same.
27:11 Still, us the kids, we've got to stick together, yeah?
27:15 It's an Aston Martin.
27:16 Everyone knows that.
27:17 Where's Goldfinger?
27:19 It's a Mini.
27:19 I'm telling you where they robbed that bank.
27:21 That's the Italian job.
27:23 Oh, aye.
27:24 This is Russia.
27:25 Think, Kirk, think.
27:26 They're closing the question.
27:27 That's what they say.
27:29 What did he drive in Russia?
27:30 Kirk?
27:31 He knows.
27:32 Eh?
27:33 He knows.
27:34 Look at his face.
27:35 He's just enjoying seeing you two squabble.
27:38 And why would I know?
27:39 Well, you work with cars.
27:40 I don't work with James Bond.
27:44 A Mini.
27:45 It was a Bentley 3.5 Mark IV.
27:48 You're welcome.
27:49 Brilliant.
27:50 Hey, we could have this.
27:51 OK, we're going to take a quick break,
27:53 just to give them little grey cells a chance to regenerate.
27:58 Do you know, that's the oldest trick in the book.
28:01 Keep you waiting so you spend more cash.
28:03 It's merely a suggestion.
28:06 Do you know, I don't think there's
28:09 any point to me being here.
28:10 You know, I'm about as much use as a chocolate fire guard.
28:13 Oh, Stu.
28:14 Well, you can't go now.
28:15 You've just got to be.
28:15 OK, and when we come back, we're going to kick
28:18 off with 1970s football.
28:20 Hey, get in.
28:23 Oh, dear.
28:24 OK, that's more like it.
28:25 Yeah, pass me that biro.
28:28 Well, I never thought I'd get my leg up that high again.
28:32 Tai chi is all about control.
28:35 You did very well for a beginner.
28:39 How are you feeling?
28:40 Energised.
28:41 Excellent.
28:43 But I think my hamstrings are going
28:44 to be screaming blue murder at me by the morning.
28:47 It's a shame Stephen couldn't make it.
28:49 Oh, well, he's kept very busy at work.
28:52 Sometimes I'm dozing off on the sofa in front of news
28:55 night by the time he gets home.
28:57 He's promised to step back from work, but--
29:02 How about we have a spinach and ginger no-heat-o?
29:06 I'm not sure what that is.
29:07 It's a healthy shake.
29:08 There's a lovely little place just up Balaclava Terrace.
29:12 We can walk, stretch out those hamstrings.
29:16 I can't. I'm sorry.
29:17 I'd better get back for Stephen.
29:19 Good few hours yet before news night.
29:24 And I probably owe it to my hamstrings.
29:26 [LAUGHTER]
29:31 There you go.
29:32 Enjoy.
29:34 And there you go.
29:35 Enjoy.
29:36 Oh, blimey, Ryan.
29:38 You're a sight for sore eyes.
29:40 Yeah, well, I saw you anyway.
29:41 Are you going to have a drink or what?
29:43 It's nice to see you out and about.
29:45 So people keep telling me.
29:47 Um, listen, I'd love to stop and chat,
29:49 but I'm a bit rushed off my feet here.
29:50 Listen, tell you what, why don't you grab yourself a drink,
29:52 and we can have a catch up when it quietens down, yeah?
29:54 Actually, I was just wondering if I could come back to work.
29:59 Really?
30:00 I've got to get back on the horse at some point.
30:01 That's what Carla keeps telling me anyway.
30:03 Well, do you know what?
30:04 I might just actually bite your hand off.
30:06 Is that a yes?
30:06 That is a big, fat, definite yes.
30:09 Excuse me.
30:10 Yeah, I'm just coming.
30:11 Won't be a sec.
30:12 Um, listen, I'm just a two-month-old.
30:13 See you again.
30:16 Right?
30:17 Yeah, yeah.
30:19 Great.
30:20 Yeah, um, although maybe could I just man the bar for now?
30:26 Just baby steps.
30:28 Yeah, yeah, of course.
30:29 Hey, nobody makes a margarita like you.
30:31 Cool.
30:32 We've missed you.
30:33 Welcome home.
30:34 Can we order, please?
30:35 Yeah, I'm just coming.
30:36 Honestly, you could not have picked a better time.
30:38 I'll see you tomorrow.
30:39 All right.
30:39 Thanks.
30:40 Please, Paul, you don't even have to call.
30:48 Just drop me a text and let me know you're OK.
30:51 You know how I worry when you don't--
30:53 It's you.
30:58 Nice to see you, too.
30:59 No, sorry.
31:01 It's Paul.
31:02 You've not seen him, have you?
31:04 No, why?
31:05 He went off on one because me and Bernie
31:06 were fussing over him so much.
31:08 And I can't say I blame him.
31:10 Do you want me to text him?
31:12 Yeah.
31:13 No, actually, no.
31:14 No, that was what wound him up in the first place.
31:16 Everyone on him all the time.
31:18 No, just we'll give it an hour or so.
31:23 Just hope he's not sat on a park bench somewhere all
31:26 on his own feeling miserable.
31:29 Wait.
31:32 Oh.
31:34 Why did you order them if you don't like them?
31:37 Who says I don't like them?
31:38 It's just a taste.
31:39 Well, that makes sense.
31:41 Yes, it's been ages since I had a proper sesh.
31:43 Well, it's been a while since I've done
31:45 this on a school night.
31:46 Guess we're both grown up.
31:48 Never.
31:49 Line them up again, Barkeep.
31:52 Why, mate?
31:53 You used to be able to hold your booze.
31:55 Well, like I said, I'm out of practice.
31:56 Number 20 is Peter Shilton.
32:21 Hey, I got one right.
32:23 We've got a real chance of winning this, I reckon.
32:26 I can't believe I got that one wrong.
32:28 Not to worry, you've got several right in that round.
32:30 Yeah, but this is supposed to be my specialist subject.
32:33 Well, it's a good job you never did it on Mastermind then.
32:35 You'd have made a right show of yourself
32:37 in front of the whole nation.
32:39 It's just teasing, Miss Julie.
32:41 We did very well.
32:42 Oh, and I'm one being parodized.
32:45 So you're going to give them your scores then?
32:48 Well, I should, you know, probably recheck the scores
32:50 just to make absolutely sure.
32:52 Oh, I may come by another drink while they're waiting.
32:54 Stu's already been complaining about that.
32:57 Yeah, well, I'm not doing this for the good of me health, am I?
33:00 Fine, you win.
33:01 OK, ladies and gentlemen, the runners-up
33:07 in a very respectable second place...
33:09 In that same thing.
33:11 ..are the Three Amigos!
33:14 Yes! That's amazing! Second!
33:16 Is it, though?
33:17 Michael, let him enjoy it.
33:19 He didn't have much, did you?
33:20 And the winners by quite some margin, actually, are...
33:25 ..the Muppets!
33:27 Oh, my goodness, really?
33:28 There you go, but I'm going to join Kevin, the lads.
33:32 So I can start enjoying myself.
33:34 OK, who wants to come and collect the trophy
33:36 and the jackpot prize of £30?
33:38 No, you go. You are our team leader.
33:40 Yeah, come on, Royston.
33:42 APPLAUSE
33:45 You should make an acceptance speech, Roy.
33:47 Oh, right, well, I should thank my colleagues.
33:50 Roy, he's pulling your leg.
33:52 Oh, that was mean.
33:54 I'm sorry, Roy.
33:55 Well, this will have pride of place in my cafe.
34:00 Oh, well, only if you win it again next week,
34:03 cos it gets passed on winner to winner.
34:04 You know, like the Circle of Life.
34:06 Yeah, cos I'm not made of plastic statuettes.
34:09 Well, in that case, I shall...
34:11 I shall enjoy the short time that I have with him.
34:14 Or her.
34:15 I reckon you cheated.
34:17 Wash your mouth out.
34:18 Yeah, I mean, everyone knows he's always on his phone.
34:20 He's glued to it.
34:21 I'll have you know that I no longer own a smartphone
34:26 for reasons that are my own.
34:28 And I resent the implication that I would cheat.
34:31 Oh, he didn't imply it, Roy. He said it straight out.
34:33 All right, stop winding him up.
34:35 They're just jealous, Roy. Bad losers.
34:36 Yeah, we won fair and square.
34:38 This is nothing to croak about.
34:40 No, no, no, we just knew more answers than you, that's all.
34:43 LAUGHTER
34:44 Well, congratulations again, Roy.
34:46 And I do believe it's customary for the winning team
34:49 to buy the runners-up a drink with their prize money.
34:52 Is it?
34:54 What a result!
34:56 Well, um, in that case, Kevin, whatever your team is having.
35:00 Damn your God.
35:02 Right, that's us.
35:05 We can't go yet.
35:06 Roy wants us to celebrate our win.
35:09 Well, with prayer fruit juice.
35:11 Would you like another drink?
35:12 I seem to have found myself in what is termed
35:16 the, uh, the chair.
35:17 Uh, not for me, Roy, thanks.
35:19 But listen, you stay.
35:21 I might have a nice long hot bath.
35:24 Are you sure? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm sure.
35:25 You just, uh, have a nice time, both of you, yeah?
35:29 See you.
35:31 LAUGHTER
35:35 Oh, aye, caramba!
35:41 You're such a fancy de sache.
35:43 Down the hatch.
35:46 Oh.
35:48 That'll put hairs on your chest.
35:50 And, um, I'm glad we bumped into each other.
35:54 Yeah, me too.
35:57 And listen, I am sorry about everything that happened,
35:59 you know, leaving you high and dry.
36:01 Forget it. I've had worse boyfriends.
36:03 Hey, how do you fancy a pub crawl down Canal Street, you know?
36:08 For old times' sake.
36:10 Play your cards right and I might even get on the karaoke.
36:13 I've got a better idea.
36:15 I've got the keys for the room I'm working on.
36:18 Grab a couple of cans from the shop over the road.
36:21 I don't know what you said to Carla,
36:28 but you pulled a blinder.
36:30 Blinder? Local vernacular.
36:32 You did a great job.
36:34 You've clearly been over there far too long.
36:36 It's not so bad once you get used to it.
36:38 This is worrying to me. Why?
36:40 Because you're constructing all these elaborate plans over a pittance.
36:45 Is this really the best use of your time?
36:47 I'm keeping my eye on the main prize.
36:51 Well, for heaven's sake, get off the pot and buy it already.
36:55 You're home early. I'm sorry to interrupt.
36:58 Oh, no problem. We were just, uh, we were just finishing up.
37:00 Let's, uh, let's pick this up tomorrow, Claire.
37:02 Why don't I pop the kettle on?
37:06 (Claire grunts)
37:08 (Laughs)
37:12 Oh, I can't see.
37:13 Pop the lights on. There you go.
37:15 I call this the honeymoon suite.
37:19 (Door slams)
37:20 Eh?
37:21 Why?
37:22 You'll soon find out.
37:24 Mm, well, I'm sorry, I can't.
37:31 Eh?
37:32 People told me I get better with age.
37:34 No, it's not that.
37:36 I'm sorry. I've got a boyfriend.
37:39 We live together.
37:41 And?
37:42 And I love him.
37:44 And I don't cheat.
37:46 Could have said before.
37:48 Yeah, I know. I'm sorry.
37:51 I blame the sambucas.
37:53 Shame to waste them beers, though.
37:55 Still fancy a drink?
37:57 We could get tanked up and catch a club later?
38:01 Yeah, why not?
38:03 Sit them beers in the minibar, then, Romeo.
38:05 (Grunts)
38:07 Well, there's no room.
38:12 It's full of wine and spirits and stuff.
38:15 Oh, dear.
38:16 What are a bunch of happy-go-lucky lads to do, eh?
38:19 Party on.
38:21 Whee!
38:22 (Chuckles)
38:23 Oh.
38:31 (Sips)
38:33 Whoo!
38:35 (Laughs)
38:37 (Coughs)
38:40 I'm sorry to bring work home again.
38:42 The time difference made the call hard to do in office hours.
38:44 No, it's fine.
38:46 Who... who was she?
38:48 Oh, it's just a consultancy firm we use at the factory.
38:51 Um, actually, can I talk to you about something?
38:56 Oh, if it's about lending you the money to buy the factory again,
38:59 I'm afraid the answer's still no.
39:01 I'm sorry, Stephen, but I... I've really made up my mind on this one.
39:05 It's nothing to do with work.
39:06 Actually, I've decided I'm not interested in the factory anymore.
39:09 You're not?
39:11 Well, some things are more important than work.
39:13 I want us to register our intent to marry as soon as we can.
39:19 Why?
39:21 Well, why do you think?
39:22 I want to make this official, because I love you,
39:25 and, well, long engagements are not a good idea at our age.
39:30 Oh, gosh, I wasn't expecting it.
39:34 Um, not... now, tonight.
39:37 Well, it's just registering our intent to marry.
39:41 We've got to do it at some point,
39:42 and at least a month before the actual wedding.
39:46 So, uh, what do you say?
39:49 Do I have to get down on one knee?
39:52 Oh, no, no, of course not. No.
39:55 Yes. Yes.
39:58 I think it's a wonderful idea.
40:00 Oh, Elaine, you are going to make me the happiest man on the planet.
40:06 Oh.
40:07 Oh.
40:09 # I am the champion, I am the champion... #
40:15 You don't have to keep saying that.
40:17 Well, I'll take it you won, then.
40:19 Well, Ryan, Yasmeen, me and she was like a pair of bookends.
40:22 It was a team effort.
40:24 Yeah, I went to a lot of effort to buy the crisps.
40:27 What's Ozzy Osbourne listening to?
40:30 Oh, it's a playlist I made her.
40:32 Don't worry, it's the PG version.
40:34 Hello.
40:37 I was listening.
40:38 Right, well, you can listen upstairs. It's way past your bedtime.
40:41 Can you come up and give me some more of your favourite bands?
40:44 Yeah, sure.
40:45 I'm going to make a post on my own.
40:47 But are you not going to say goodnight?
40:49 Well, I won't, but no.
40:51 Shall I wait?
40:54 Yeah, I'll only be five minutes,
40:56 and I quite like having a chaperone to walk me home.
40:58 She seems to like hanging about with you.
41:00 Yeah, well, I like hanging around with her too,
41:02 until I get sick of it, and then that's when the playlist comes in handy.
41:05 Does the heart good?
41:09 What does?
41:10 To see them enjoying each other's company.
41:12 Yeah.
41:13 Speaking of that, did that stew seem off to you?
41:16 Well, a little disappointed with some of his answers, no doubt.
41:21 I was concentrating on the questions myself.
41:24 My peripheral senses were in abeyance, I'm afraid.
41:27 Right, yeah, it just seemed a bit knocked off to me.
41:30 Perhaps I took too much of a dictatorial approach in my role as captain.
41:35 No, no, you was right before.
41:37 You was probably just upset not getting the answers.
41:39 I'm sorry I dug down.
41:41 I just wasn't feeling it, as the kids say.
41:45 That's why I wanted to come home.
41:49 To say I'm sorry to...
41:53 Sorry for what?
41:55 Dragging you out to a pub quiz you never really wanted to go to.
42:00 It's so silly.
42:01 I got so competitive showing off because I knew of a few silly answers.
42:07 Don't be daft.
42:09 Look, I'm the one that should be saying sorry.
42:12 I was a right grump.
42:13 I just felt like a dummy sat there while you and Roy answered all the questions like you're on University Challenge.
42:19 Oh, no, you're making me blush now.
42:22 And I bet you were a right swat at school and all.
42:24 I was not.
42:26 I was a rebel.
42:29 A maverick.
42:30 Really?
42:31 Yes.
42:34 OK, I admit, I took my schoolwork very seriously.
42:41 A swat.
42:43 Oh, yes, I was a swat.
42:47 You know, I should be used to feeling like a dope boy now.
42:51 I'd never say that.
42:53 When I was in the Navy, my first commanding officer used to ask if Stu was short for stupid.
43:00 That's unkind.
43:02 Yeah, well, he was a very unkind man.
43:05 That's not your fault, is it?
43:07 And I like having a swat for a girlfriend.
43:11 And if I haven't read enough books, then I can't complain because there's enough rounding to get started on.
43:17 That's very true.
43:19 Personally, I have a penchant for bad boys.
43:26 Oh, so I'm a bad boy now, am I?
43:30 And...
43:34 Any sign?
43:36 Just ringing out.
43:50 Paul?
43:56 Paul?
44:05 Paul?
44:31 A doctor finds his world turned upside down after being bitten by a vampire.
44:35 Stream all episodes of Count Abdallah now on ITVX.
44:38 We followed a Paralympic gold medalist on her journey to locate her birth mother in Ellie Simmons'
44:42 Finding My Secret Family, Thursday here at 9.
44:45 Next here, new Long Lost Family.
44:47 (music)