King Of The Hill S03E10 A Fire-Fighting We Will Go
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AmusantTranscription
00:00 [music]
00:02 [music]
00:32 You guys are in big, big trouble.
00:35 This is the worst offense I've seen in my 14 years as chief fire investigator.
00:41 Don't leave, comma, William Fontaine de la Tour, comma, Sergeant Barber, comma, United States...
00:48 Comma numskull, comma, shut up.
00:51 Well, gotta go.
00:52 Sit down. Nobody's going anywhere until I find out how this happened.
00:57 Now, according to Heck Dorlin's statement, you were standing out behind your houses doing some light yard work.
01:05 [music]
01:11 Bill called. He's gonna be late.
01:13 New batch of recruits started at the base this morning. He's busy bagging hair.
01:18 [truck engine]
01:21 Heh. There's old Heck Dorlin taking the fire truck out for a spin.
01:26 Lucky bunny.
01:27 [truck engine]
01:29 [crash]
01:30 [music]
01:34 I'm a fireman. I'm a hunter.
01:37 [thud]
01:38 [sigh]
01:39 [grunt]
01:42 Professional firefighters got their red flu this morning, leaving just us volunteers.
01:47 Now they're holding out for a raise.
01:49 They're striking?
01:50 Well, sir, fires don't go on strike, I tell you what.
01:54 Heck came by the base looking for volunteers. I was the only one the base commander let go.
02:01 What about the rest of you guys? You interested?
02:03 He talking about firemen, man. That dang old devil talking about Rampart 51, Rampart 51.
02:07 That old dang old emergency, man. That man's got all them shows on tape, man. I love that old...
02:11 Fact. Volunteer firemen receive sirens for their personal vehicles. Fact.
02:17 And we can use them whenever we want. Fact.
02:20 Dale, sirens are only for fire emergencies. Now, heck, assuming I pass the required courses and notify my insurance company in writing, will I get to drive the fire truck?
02:31 You got any speeding tickets?
02:33 No, sir.
02:34 I do, I do.
02:35 [chatter]
02:37 Wow, look at that.
02:39 [music]
02:41 Ooh, spoons. Can I assume the potatoes will be mashed tonight?
02:48 Well, Bobby, your dad is a real fireman. What do you think about that?
02:53 I'm a little surprised. You know, you always seem to make such a big deal about being a propane salesman.
03:00 I've got nights and weekends free.
03:03 I could be a fireman, too.
03:05 She's right, Hank. Deputize her.
03:07 No, Luann can't be a fireman. What if a very large man was trapped in a burning building and she had to carry him out?
03:15 Then she would do a fireperson's carry, formerly known as a fireman's carry.
03:21 What's that?
03:22 It allows a woman to lift a man's weight through a scientific principle that I like to call leverage.
03:30 Now, come over here. I'll show you.
03:32 [sigh]
03:33 [grunt]
03:36 Oh, yeah!
03:39 Oh, no!
03:41 Peggy, are you okay?
03:43 Well, yes, of course I am.
03:45 Okay, let's eat.
03:48 [slurping]
03:50 [music]
03:54 [fire crackling]
03:57 I'll start the water flow.
03:59 Gribble, you're a nozzle man, so aim at the base of the flame.
04:05 [grunt]
04:08 Now, come on, Dale. Straighten it out. That's where you're aiming.
04:14 [shouting]
04:16 Pick it up!
04:18 [shouting]
04:26 Wasn't my fault. My mask fogged up.
04:30 Dammit, Dale, the safety and welfare of Orlin is at stake. Get serious.
04:38 Good idea, Beef. All right, it's time you boys met the Jaws.
04:43 Oh, my.
04:45 Jaws of life, a.k.a. the Jaws.
04:49 Victim's trapped in a car, this baby'll peel it like an orange.
04:54 Yeah, let's see what it does with a real orange.
04:58 [music]
05:01 Heck, I thought I'd go ahead and sharpen all the axes.
05:04 Hank's a lumberjack and he's okay.
05:07 [laughing]
05:12 Relax, Hank. We're off the clock.
05:15 Hey, say hello to Chet Elderson, one of Orlin's first volunteer firemen.
05:20 Well, what an honor, sir.
05:22 Hank Hill, propane and propane accessories.
05:25 Ain't you the idiot what blew up the Megalo Market?
05:29 I was supposed to take my vacation that week, idiot.
05:33 Uh, actually, sir, the idiot you're thinking of was named Buckley.
05:38 Yeah, yeah. I'm retired now. Who unplugged my sign?
05:44 Chet, you know you can't plug it in. It don't work right.
05:48 I'll get it for you.
05:52 [laughing]
05:59 [beeping]
06:02 [music]
06:08 How'd I do, Bobby?
06:09 Okay. Go!
06:12 Oh, God.
06:19 That's good, boys. You keep playing firemen.
06:23 Thank you. Let me help you.
06:24 Oh, I'm fine. I've got it.
06:27 Did you hurt your leg? 'Cause you seem to be limping.
06:30 Well, I have not noticed a limp.
06:32 Maybe it's because I'm carrying a heavy bag.
06:34 Well, maybe it has something to do with when you pulled your groin, picking me up.
06:39 Well, honey, I don't think that could be true, since ladies do not have groins.
06:48 All right, let's talk about oxygen tanks.
06:51 The cylinder gauge should be within how many psi of the regulator gauge?
06:57 Anyone?
06:59 I am protesting the results of last night's ping-pong tournament.
07:03 Boomhauer cannot play the ball off of Bill's head.
07:07 No, we all agreed my head's in play.
07:14 In the first round, the Dallas Cowboys select Bobby Hill, left tackle.
07:21 Hey, Dad. I told you my dad was a fireman.
07:25 He's a volunteer.
07:27 Oh, Dad! We're muddy. Could you hose us off?
07:31 Sure. I'll open up the hydrant.
07:35 Dale, the hydrants are for fire emergencies.
07:39 They don't know how to open the hydrant.
07:43 That's because they're volunteers.
07:46 Son, you're about to get very, very wet.
07:50 Fireman Gribble, drill time. Get me the hydrant wrench.
07:53 Mr. Boomhauer, I need you to run a three-inch hose. Bill, hook it up.
08:04 It's stuck.
08:06 That's because you're turning it the wrong way. Give me the wrench.
08:09 No, wait, wait.
08:13 Shut it off. Shut it off.
08:19 Hey.
08:21 Damn it, Dale, you stripped the boat.
08:23 What, me?
08:26 Man, it went over that dang old wave, man.
08:28 Quit it, knucklehead. The jaws ain't for that.
08:38 So you were the ones who busted that hydrant.
08:41 We got an anonymous call. It was a bunch of kids.
08:45 Bunch of kids? I gave you names. Hill, Bobby, Gribble, Joseph.
08:50 Dale, who took an image of Joseph Lightfoot?
08:54 Oh, God. The hydrant's the least of our problems. He doesn't care about that.
08:59 He's right. I don't. You halfwits could be looking at jail time.
09:04 Uh, my name is Shackleford, Rusty Shackleford. I refuse to speak without my attorney present.
09:13 I'm Mr. Shackleford's attorney, Rusty Shackleford. My client pleads insanity.
09:20 My name is Doe-Trief, comma, Bill, and I am also insane.
09:25 Oh.
09:32 Gribble, you've had your phone call.
09:35 I know, but now I'm making one of Shackleford.
09:38 You see what I have to deal with?
09:40 Let's just get back to the matter at hand.
09:44 After you broke the fire hydrant...
09:48 Please, guys, we've been given a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity here.
09:53 Now let's not do anything more to screw this up.
09:57 Now how about running some ladder-carry drills?
10:00 Not interested. You pushed me aside, made me look like a fool in front of my own flesh and blood.
10:09 Hey, Shedge, plug in my element sign, will ya?
10:12 Better not, Dale. Remember, it doesn't work right.
10:15 B-A-B-B-B-B-I-Vicki-Bob-B-O-Bob-Vicki-Bob-Bob.
10:21 I said not to.
10:23 Hey, I find a cupboard with all kinds of jerky in it.
10:27 You know, I bet we could use this lid as a frisbee. Catch, Hank.
10:32 What the dang on' that beer, man? What do you think you doin'?
10:35 I mean, that dang old fatty belt buckle, man.
10:39 I'll give you a hand.
10:41 What's that?
10:43 What's goin' on in here?
10:45 I'll take care of it. Boomhauer, put some ice on that ear. Bill, you fix the window. Dale?
10:50 No. No more orders. Heck, I cannot work with this man here. I want a transfer.
10:56 Dale, shut up. You're actin' like an idiot.
10:59 B-A-B-B-B-B-O-Bob-Vicki-Bob-Bob.
11:03 That's enough!
11:04 Either you guys get along, or I'll find four others who can.
11:10 Health care for strikin' firefighters!
11:14 Oh, Aunt Peggy, it looks like your groins are still hurtin' you.
11:20 I just need to spend the night icing it.
11:22 Whew, thank God Hank's sleeping at the fire station tonight.
11:25 Why don't you just admit to him that you hurt yourself pickin' up Bobby?
11:30 Oh, honey, you've never been married.
11:35 Now, who left the... what?
11:38 Ah!
11:40 Ah!
11:42 What the heck? You can't use the fire hose like this. You'll damage the elasticity.
11:48 What you got under the foil, Mr. Party Pooper? Some party poop?
11:53 Uh, Peggy made some Frito-Pot.
11:56 Oh, I see.
11:58 Mr. Party Pooper, some party poop?
12:02 Uh, Peggy made some Frito-Pie for us.
12:05 There you go.
12:06 Hank Dale, I was ahead when Hank ruined our game, so I win, right?
12:10 Wrong. You automatically lose.
12:13 But I'll go double or nothin' on the ping-pong court.
12:15 All right.
12:16 Okay.
12:26 Okay, fellas, time to hit the hay. Knock it off.
12:29 Game's not over yet.
12:31 Pick it up tomorrow.
12:33 Hey, man, heads up. Man don't ever fight a hot Frito-Pie, man.
12:37 Give me the ball, damn it.
12:42 There.
12:43 No!
12:44 There.
12:47 Dang it, Bill, that was my only pair of glasses.
12:52 Dang it, Hank, that was our only ball.
12:55 [Screaming]
12:59 Hey, man, that was a dang old scarfin' on that, man.
13:03 [Screaming]
13:05 My face hurts.
13:07 And it'll match your ass when I'm done kickin' it.
13:10 Get down here. I'm gonna--
13:12 No fair, Hank.
13:24 I'm stuck.
13:25 Yeah!
13:27 Hey!
13:28 Yeah!
13:29 Good night.
13:34 Are you guys playin' with that busted ball now?
13:42 [Groans]
13:43 I got bad news, men.
13:51 Chet Elderson died.
13:53 Natural causes.
13:55 Oh, what a shame.
13:57 Very sad.
13:59 [Groans]
14:00 Hold for crying out loud.
14:03 Come on, Hank, pick up the pace.
14:10 Can't see where I'm goin'.
14:12 Damn you, Bill.
14:14 Shhh, man, I'm a dang old disrespectful, man.
14:17 Lift, Bill, man.
14:19 I am! It's Dale. He's fakin' it.
14:22 Am not.
14:23 Dale, no wonder my hand feels so heavy.
14:26 Get your hands on the casket.
14:28 It's bad luck.
14:30 [Screaming]
14:34 Told ya it was bad luck.
14:44 Oh.
14:45 Hank, I wanna offer--
14:49 Don't.
14:50 I mean, I just wanted to--
14:51 No, you cannot speak to me ever again.
14:54 That goes for me, too, faker.
14:57 Why don't you eat some more pizza?
14:59 That's all you ever do is eat pizza.
15:01 No wonder you're bald and your wife left you.
15:04 Oh, dang old, amen, man.
15:06 Hey!
15:07 I'm burned.
15:09 All of you, go to bed.
15:11 At four in the afternoon.
15:13 What did I tell you about talkin' to me?
15:15 Stop the fightin'!
15:17 This is no way to honor the memory of Chet Elderson.
15:21 I think I shall honor Chet's memory
15:25 by pluggin' in his beloved Alamo beer sign.
15:29 Code 44, Goober Smooch's Restaurant.
15:36 Engine 91, respond.
15:38 Code 44, our first fire.
15:40 Let's go. Move it out.
15:42 [Mumbling]
15:45 Fire's out, men.
16:08 Oh, well, that's good, I guess.
16:13 I was down the street havin' a plaque made.
16:15 I thought we'd rename the station
16:17 the Chet Elderson Firehouse,
16:20 since he didn't get a decent burial.
16:23 They're callin' all units.
16:27 Where is it?
16:29 Oh, my God.
16:32 [Glass shattering]
16:34 Uh, where do you want us, Chief?
16:45 Back in the grave with Chet Elderson.
16:48 Ahem.
16:50 I hereby dedicate you
16:52 the Chet Elderson Firehouse.
16:55 Sir, I've kept a journal of all the violations
17:00 these three nincompoops have committed,
17:02 and I'll be more than happy to turn it over--
17:04 I've read that journal. It's all lies.
17:06 Hank did it. Bill did it, too.
17:08 I begged 'em not to.
17:10 You chicken-neck ass!
17:12 I'll kill you!
17:14 [Mumbling]
17:16 Oh, for heaven's sake.
17:20 [Mumbling]
17:27 Well, I thought you guys had reached your peak
17:30 when you pantsed Chet Elderson at his funeral.
17:33 But then you outdid yourself
17:36 by burning down your old firehouse!
17:38 Not me. It was these screw-ups.
17:41 Well, maybe this is the wrong time to bring us up,
17:44 but we are only volunteers.
17:46 We're gonna go over every minute of what happened
17:49 before you lame brains left for goober smooches.
17:52 Then I'll know which one of you to bring up on charges.
17:56 [Burps]
17:58 Gribble, you first.
18:00 Well, as usual,
18:02 I was performing rigorous fire safety checks
18:06 on the station house.
18:08 [Guitar music]
18:10 [Beeping]
18:12 Bill had his face buried in a French bread pizza.
18:16 Hank was giving orders for a change.
18:19 [Guitar music]
18:22 And Boomhauer thought being a fireman
18:25 meant a chance to work on his tan.
18:28 Of course, he didn't realize his tanning lotion
18:31 had been replaced with some icy hot Hank bought
18:34 for Peggy's humiliating groin pull.
18:37 [Hank mumbling]
18:40 [Chuckles]
18:42 But then the fire alarm went off,
18:45 and Boomhauer knocked over his tanning lamp
18:49 as he bolted upright.
18:52 I raced for the fire truck with lightning speed.
18:57 [Guitar music]
18:59 Uh, uh, that's all I remember.
19:03 No way, man.
19:04 Old Gribble was talking that crazy crap, man.
19:06 I'll tell you what happened.
19:07 That was the dang truth, man.
19:09 Bill, man, almost threw him in there
19:10 and it flicked, boom, right in my ear, man.
19:12 [Guitar music]
19:14 Yeah, man, I'll tell you what.
19:16 The dang old detector man
19:17 talked about government take-away freedom of smoke.
19:20 Man, I'll tell you what, the dang old yo man, get.
19:23 Hey, man, I'll tell you what, man.
19:24 The dang old boy ain't right, man.
19:26 I'm gonna talk about him kicking him dang old ass, man.
19:28 I don't know what to take.
19:29 For God's sakes, Hank.
19:31 Act like an adult, man.
19:33 And keep it down, guys, will you?
19:35 I'm trying to get through an article on vintage Camaros,
19:39 and I've been on the same dang page for 20 minutes.
19:43 [Camaro door opens]
19:44 Dang old pretty, pretty peach, I'll tell you what.
19:49 So you're saying that Bill left the oven on?
19:53 Not true.
19:55 Okay.
19:57 I have a weakness for pizza.
19:59 I have a lot of weaknesses, actually.
20:02 But I distinctly remember turning off the toaster oven.
20:06 [Ding]
20:07 [Music]
20:13 [Munching]
20:19 Let's see.
20:20 Uh, then I had myself a little dessert.
20:25 Oh, my.
20:27 Uh, okay.
20:29 Uh, so I turned off the toaster oven, just like I said.
20:33 Well, what happened after the fire alarm went off?
20:36 Uh, I was in the garage getting bunkered out.
20:39 Dale was on the tailboard switching the oxygen tanks.
20:43 What do you mean, switching the tanks?
20:45 Why would you switch the oxygen tanks?
20:48 Oh, let's face it.
20:50 Me, Bill, and Boom Hour had no idea what we were doing.
20:54 You're the only real fireman among us.
20:57 I saw your tank was running low.
20:59 Mine was full.
21:01 And I knew you'd need every molecule of oxygen
21:04 to carry our charred bodies out of that raging inferno.
21:08 So, the fire could have been caused by Gribble's smoking,
21:13 Boom Hour's tanning, or Doe Treve's incessant cooking.
21:18 It could have been, but it wasn't.
21:20 And I'll tell you why it wasn't, I'll tell you what.
21:23 We had finally realized our boyhood dreams.
21:27 We'd become firefighters.
21:29 Except instead of fighting fires, we were busy fighting each other.
21:33 [Alarm]
21:34 Anyway, the fire alarm went off.
21:36 [Music]
21:45 And I sprung into action.
21:47 I switched off the lamp, turned off the stove, and put out the cigarette.
21:52 I ran toward the fire truck, and I saw Dale fiddling in the back.
21:57 I didn't know that he was busy switching the oxygen tanks.
22:01 Awfully nice thing of him to do, since we weren't even on speaking terms.
22:05 Still aren't.
22:06 Then I put my blinker on to pull out.
22:09 Wait a minute.
22:11 I remember seeing some kind of yellow light in the mirror.
22:15 I know what caused the fire.
22:18 Somebody plugged in that stupid Alamo beer sign.
22:22 And I'll tell you who that somebody had to be.
22:25 [Giggling]
22:26 That somebody had to be...
22:29 [Music]
22:31 [Mumbling]
22:35 Chet Elderson.
22:36 I did not... Chet Elderson!
22:39 Yep, Chet was always trying to plug it in.
22:41 He loved that sign.
22:43 But the dang thing didn't work right.
22:45 It threw off sparks, and, well, it was just a real fire hazard.
22:50 Isn't that right, Dale?
22:52 Uh, yes.
22:53 Chet Elderson must have plugged that sign in the last time he was at the station.
22:58 What a moron!
23:00 Hey, may he rest in peace.
23:03 Right, Bill?
23:04 Right.
23:05 Yeah, that sounds like Chet.
23:09 Say what, man?
23:10 The old gold dragon old dad Chet named threw the mud, man.
23:12 Old Dale's the one that did it, man.
23:14 The old dad didn't leave no old Chet alone, man.
23:18 So each and every one of you believes that Chet Elderson started that fire.
23:24 Ah.
23:25 Well, it doesn't surprise me.
23:27 I told him a half a dozen times not to plug in that sign.
23:31 Uh-huh.
23:32 I don't know.
23:34 Chet was one heck of a fireman.
23:36 I hate to soil his good name.
23:39 Well, guess we could just call it an electrical fire.
23:42 Accidents do happen.
23:44 Good idea.
23:46 That's what we'll do.
23:49 You're free to go.
23:53 Well, I heard Mrs. Trockmorton's looking to hire four plumbers.
23:57 No.
23:58 It's all the beer we can drink.
24:03 Okay, I could use a beer.
24:06 Yep. Yep.
24:08 Mm-hmm.
24:11 [♪♪♪]
24:14 [♪♪♪]
24:25 [♪♪♪]
24:28 Oh, yeah!
24:50 [♪♪♪]
24:53 *Grunts*
24:54 *Thud*
24:54 Bicky bop bee bo bo bicky bop!