Category
😹
AmusantTranscription
00:00 Go!
00:00 You wanna jump or not?
00:03 You got my check, what do you care?
00:05 I know where the Arlen Hospital is.
00:08 Can you hold it in? Oh!
00:11 Peggy, it's amazing!
00:13 You've got to do it!
00:14 Uncle Hank, Dede's having the baby right now!
00:17 Wait!
00:21 Aaaaaah!
00:24 Pull the cord!
00:26 Your emergency cord!
00:28 Hank!
00:57 Peggy?
00:58 Peggy!
01:00 I think my wife, I think, might be dead.
01:06 I'll be right back.
01:08 Peggy!
01:17 Dang it, Dede! Push!
01:21 It's okay, son. The baby's here.
01:25 He's beautiful.
01:27 What's his name?
01:29 Here you go, to cut the umbilical cord.
01:32 My uncle.
01:36 Peggy? Peggy!
01:39 Peggy!
01:47 Oh, no!
01:52 Oh!
01:54 Okay, think one piece.
01:59 Peggy?
02:00 Oh, God, you're all smashed up!
02:05 I'm alive!
02:07 Uncle Hank, we're too late!
02:11 Would you like to hold your baby now?
02:15 I'm not the father.
02:17 Yes, I would.
02:19 Hank?
02:20 Okay, move it.
02:24 Good. Keep her straight.
02:26 Laser, don't touch her.
02:29 Oh, God.
02:34 Aikman takes the snap, a quick pass over the middle to Smith.
02:39 The 20, the 10, and it's Smith's goal!
02:45 Yes.
02:46 Hank Hill?
02:47 I've been watching.
02:49 Just for a second. I have no idea what the score is. I couldn't tell you.
02:53 Your wife is going to be just fine.
02:57 Yes.
02:58 Peggy has a compression fracture of the bones in her back.
03:01 Thank goodness for the mud.
03:03 She would not have survived if she had fallen on concrete, Mr. Hill.
03:07 Or a fence.
03:09 But she's okay.
03:10 Yes, they're putting her into a body cast right now to immobilize her while she heals.
03:14 Uh, what color is the cast?
03:17 What does that matter, Mr. Hill?
03:19 I don't know. I've never been through this before. I'm just trying to ask the right questions.
03:24 It's white, sponge bath, bedpan.
03:27 Thank you.
03:29 Peggy?
03:34 Hank, come on in.
03:37 Look at me.
03:39 I'm in an ensemble. My top cast and my bottom cast match.
03:45 Yeah, quality plaster.
03:50 Well, I'm guessing that was Luanne.
03:58 Oh, I wish you wouldn't feel sorry for me when I feel so terrific for me.
04:03 I have had a near-death experience.
04:06 Most people never get that, except when it's right next to their death experience, and then they can't appreciate it.
04:12 You know what's odd?
04:14 The last thing I remember was deciding not to jump.
04:18 Hank, what or who would have made me change my mind?
04:22 Uh, oh, I'm not sure.
04:25 I don't know. I wasn't in the plane. I was on the ground, remember?
04:29 I'm the one who found you.
04:31 Hmm.
04:35 I fell 8,000 feet and survived. Woo-hoo-hoo!
04:39 Bobby?
04:47 Dad! Thank God!
04:50 I need a dollar bed.
04:53 Mom?
04:55 Bobby?
04:56 You really fell out of a plane?
04:59 Yes, sir, I did.
05:01 Mom is one of only 16 people who have survived parachutes not opening.
05:07 Now, 16 is my estimate. I'll double-check my numbers later.
05:10 Um, I'm sorry about before. I don't know what came over me.
05:16 Oh, God!
05:19 What would make you jump out of a plane?
05:23 That's exactly what I can't figure out.
05:26 Don't try too hard, 'cause, uh, doctor says that could hurt your bones somehow.
05:33 So, uh, Bobby, how was your day?
05:36 My day? Don't get me started!
05:42 My day was incredible. I was Deedee's birthing partner.
05:47 I cut the umbilical cord!
05:51 Deedee! Where's Deedee?
05:53 Hank, what'd you do to your wife? I didn't teach you that.
05:58 Where's my new dependent? I'm supposed to look at it.
06:05 Where did I put... Oh, there it is.
06:09 Uncle, I present you to your father.
06:16 Look at him. His shins are perfect.
06:20 (muttering)
06:23 Look at you! You're a handsome little soldier.
06:28 You wanna kill a nazi? A nazi, nazi, squazy?
06:33 (muttering)
06:36 A nazi, squazy?
06:38 (muttering)
06:42 Deedee, did you name this baby yet?
06:44 What's the use?
06:47 I'm calling him Hank. I always wanted a boy named Hank.
06:51 Uh, Dad, Hank is my name.
06:53 Not anymore. I'm taking it back. He's Hank.
06:57 You can't take away a grown man's name.
07:00 All right, I'll call him G.H. Good Hank.
07:04 You see the way my boy looked at that nurse?
07:07 Practically slapped her rump, that in there.
07:10 Yeah, Uncle Good Hank is really something special.
07:14 Dad, this isn't right. You call him Good Hank, it's gonna make it sound like I'm Bad Hank.
07:20 Well, you burnt my burger, didn't you, B.H.?
07:24 Peggy, you've gotta do it. It's amazing. It's the best dang feeling in the world.
07:39 Oh, no. Don't tell her that. Why did you tell her that?
07:45 No, of course it's safe. It's fail safe. I guarantee you'll love it.
07:51 I command you to jump.
07:54 If you love me, you'll jump.
07:59 Jump! Jump! Jump! Jump! Jump!
08:02 Jump, jump, jump.
08:08 There we go. Okay, now you try.
08:12 Let's see about all this. Okay.
08:15 Put this over there, good. Now tuck this little nipple in there.
08:19 Close up shop. There. Ready for soiling.
08:22 What the? The kid is leaking out of his chest.
08:27 That's from his nipples. It's a form of lactation.
08:31 Dang it, you said it was a boy.
08:33 He is. He's simply been ingesting a lot of female hormones from his mother.
08:38 It's so common it has a name, which is milk.
08:42 Oh, Lord. What did I do? Was it the fitty man I killed?
08:48 Oh, the maternity ward ceiling.
08:53 Oh, it reminds me of when my son was born.
08:56 And I am also reminded of when my next child will be born.
09:00 Why isn't the baby with his mother?
09:03 Dee Dee Hill has postpartum depression.
09:05 She couldn't even gather up the strength to put on some lipstick.
09:08 And she looks awful.
09:10 Oh, that poor infant baby. Is there something I can do?
09:15 Oh, that's all right, ma'am.
09:18 You just try not to get addicted to that morphine.
09:21 You did this to my son. There's no milk coming out of these.
09:26 Cotton, stop it. You should be comforting her.
09:30 Comfort her? Comfort me!
09:33 Mr. Hill, your insurance company's automated voice says you have to leave the hospital today in 85 minutes.
09:40 But I can't take care of a dripping witch child.
09:43 Can't we just stay hospitalin' until Dee Dee gets her brains back?
09:47 Well, maybe if you were the richest man in America.
09:54 More flowers, Mr. Hill? Well, don't unwrap 'em.
09:58 Well, why not? They told me downstairs they should be placed in water as soon as--
10:02 You, your wife, and those flowers are going home today.
10:05 Yeah, but Peggy's got a broken back.
10:07 I know. I told you that. But she wants to be discharged.
10:11 I'm not so worried about her back. I'm worried about her emotional state.
10:15 Yeah, but she seems so happy.
10:18 Yeah, well, once the thrill of surviving wears off.
10:21 And it does, trust me. Jet ski, July '94.
10:25 She may experience a second crash when she feels her own limitations.
10:30 Well, there won't be any second crash. As long as I'm around, I won't let her feel any limitations.
10:36 There's no need for you to feel this guilty. You didn't make her jump.
10:40 Uh, yeah. Uh, do you think you could put that on her chart?
10:45 Peggy? I'm here.
10:50 Hey, we're going home today.
10:53 I have packed myself up without any help from the nurses.
10:57 Are you sure you're ready?
11:01 Well, honey, ready or not, I have got to go.
11:04 I invited Cotton and Dee Dee and the baby to stay with me until they can take care of him on their own.
11:11 You think you can help them take care of a baby?
11:14 If that poor farm boy, whose arms were ripped off by a thresher, could die on 911 with his nose,
11:21 then I think Peggy Hill can take care of that baby.
11:25 Maybe I signed it on the stomach. No, the leg. No, the stomach.
11:35 Is that natural?
11:37 Back off! Back off, everybody!
11:44 Everybody!
11:46 That's our fault, Peggy, not your fault.
11:57 Try the back door. It'll fit.
11:59 Am I in a very wide bed?
12:07 Well, maybe we can get her in at an angle. Come on, guys.
12:11 All right, on three.
12:13 She left on three, man. You don't mean to go one, two, down, three, and then go?
12:17 Or do you come and lift right on three?
12:20 Just lift now, okay? Now!
12:23 Tilt towards me. No, toward... Fine, away from me.
12:29 Hi, Peggy.
12:35 Hello, Bill.
12:36 I think a thank you would be in order, Peggy.
12:40 Dale, get the hell out of here.
12:43 Okay, enough. I'm better off in the living room anyway.
12:50 I can run the whole house from here. Hub of the wheel, hub of the wheel.
12:53 Uh, Luanne, I think you got two people sitting in the same chair there.
13:01 But that's Aunt Peggy's place. I can't just put someone there like she doesn't exist.
13:07 She's still alive, I think.
13:10 Ah, yeah. Uh, you know, maybe it might do us all some good if you got away for a while.
13:19 How would you like a few nights at the Motel Arlen? My treat.
13:23 Highway 9 or 6?
13:26 9.
13:27 No, thank you.
13:28 All right, 6.
13:30 Yes!
13:32 Cast make you look good for Peggy Hill, like your mummy museum piece, but with attitude.
13:37 Mummy for the '90s.
13:39 Suge, you ain't helping.
13:42 You know, Peggy, people spend hundreds of dollars at a spa to get wrapped up like that.
13:47 Yes, it's very refreshing.
13:49 Well, I just can't believe your attitude. Who would have thought?
13:52 Dee Dee's depressed and you're not.
13:55 Ah, the baby's here.
13:59 Oh, good, the baby's here. Okay.
14:02 Men, make sure Dee Dee puts a hat on him.
14:05 And Nancy, you make sure he takes it off when he gets inside the house.
14:09 Bobby, honey, come on in here. I will teach you how to change a diaper.
14:20 I already did it. I fed him, washed him, diapered him. G.H. is good to go.
14:25 But I got spit up on my good shorts.
14:28 Just put them by the sink. I'll get right to it.
14:31 But maybe for now, just pull down your shirt.
14:34 Hello? Someone?
14:38 Please!
14:45 Sorry, Peggy, I was just washing your unmentionables here.
14:50 You know, towels, washcloths, that sort of thing.
14:53 Honey, I think a little piece of plaster fell in my underarm. It is driving me crazy.
14:59 Left, my left.
15:04 You know, I thought I'd be spending more time doing some hands-on baby care.
15:12 I guess that was just a little unrealistic, huh?
15:15 Well, you know, Helen Keller was largely useless, but look how we remember her.
15:21 First lady of the American stage.
15:24 Oh, I feel so stupid for jumping. It wasn't worth this.
15:29 I mean, why did I do it? Do you remember? This is really bugging me, Hank.
15:34 Uh, concentrate on where the straw is going, please.
15:38 Hank, the straw broke off five minutes ago.
15:41 Wait, wait, wait. I just remembered something.
15:44 On the plane, I was talking to you on a phone.
15:50 Do planes have phones?
15:52 Huh, that's a good one. I'll look into that.
15:55 No, I remember now. I was talking to you. But what did we say?
16:01 Well, you know, it sounds familiar, but with all the noise from the engines and then you falling and all, I'm not sure we'll ever know.
16:08 Please, Hank, you are going to have to be my memory, because I don't have one anymore.
16:13 Deal.
16:15 [Baby crying]
16:23 [Sigh]
16:25 [Baby crying]
16:29 Oh, my oh my.
16:32 [Baby crying]
16:40 [Baby crying]
16:53 Hank!
16:57 Yeah?
16:59 I'm hungry.
17:01 Hungry? But it's only... Uh, okay, I'm on it.
17:06 [Baby crying]
17:09 G.H., I'm getting it. I'm eating it up.
17:13 Oh, Bobby, good morning, honey. How are you?
17:16 Dad, Mom's talking.
17:19 [Baby crying]
17:25 How about some eggs?
17:27 You don't have to yell. We can hear you just fine through the baby monitor.
17:31 [Sigh]
17:33 [Baby crying]
17:35 Why am I being fed with a bottle, Hank?
17:38 Well, we're out of straws.
17:40 But I do not want to be fed with a bottle.
17:43 It's just easier, okay? Please?
17:46 [Baby crying]
17:48 Oh, what is that?
17:50 Well, it shouldn't be carnation instant breakfast.
17:53 But it tastes like... like formula.
17:55 Uh-oh.
17:57 You took Peggy's bottle and I took the baby's bottle?
18:00 [Chuckling]
18:03 Now that's funny.
18:05 [Baby crying]
18:09 What are you doing? Look, I do not want a bottle, okay?
18:13 I'm not hungry.
18:15 I want eggs.
18:17 [Baby crying]
18:21 [Baby crying]
18:25 [Baby crying]
18:30 [Baby crying]
18:37 Maybe Bob just needs to burp.
18:40 [Baby crying]
18:42 Uh, Bobby, could you, uh, give us a moment?
18:46 What's wrong?
18:48 [Burp]
18:49 My life... my life is ruined.
18:53 I had to jump out of a plane for our anniversary.
18:57 I'm sorry, Hank. I ruined both of our lives.
19:02 [Crying]
19:07 Okay, look, uh, it wasn't your fault.
19:11 It was my fault.
19:13 What?
19:15 I do remember what I said to you in the plane.
19:18 I never didn't remember.
19:20 I begged you to jump, Peggy.
19:22 You didn't want to, but, well, I made you.
19:25 Hank, wait.
19:27 Jump, Peggy, jump. It's amazing.
19:29 It's the greatest dang feeling in the world.
19:32 Hank, I'm remembering.
19:34 I didn't jump because you told me to jump.
19:37 I jumped because of what you said right after that
19:41 about how Dee Dee was starting to have her baby.
19:44 I jumped because I was jealous.
19:49 But you can still have a baby.
19:51 She's three years older than you, and she just had a baby.
19:54 [Screaming]
19:56 Do you know what torture that is?
19:59 I was once one of the finest mothers in the state of Texas,
20:03 and now, now I can't even wipe a baby.
20:07 And I have to watch those two, cotton and stupid,
20:11 with their beautiful new baby that they don't even want?
20:15 [Crying]
20:18 Well, what are you smiling about?
20:21 It wasn't my fault.
20:23 I'm such a load off my mind, I feel lighter than air.
20:30 I mean, I feel bad in a new way for you
20:35 because of what you were just saying, that stuff.
20:39 Just leave me alone, okay?
20:41 You just want me to leave?
20:43 Yes.
20:44 So, like, the right thing for me to do is just leave,
20:48 even though you're crying?
20:50 Go.
20:52 Huh. Well, I'm skeptical, but okay.
20:58 [Baby crying]
20:59 Off between the moon and New York City,
21:03 the best that you can do, the best that you can do,
21:09 is fall in love.
21:13 Arthur, he does, is he pleasing?
21:17 Bobby, since you're doing all the woman's work around here,
21:20 be a woman and get me my shin jelly.
21:23 G.H. kind of needs me right now.
21:26 So take him along, just get the jelly and lighten me up.
21:32 Fine, I'll get you the--
21:35 [Grunting]
21:40 Bobby, could you buy me some lottery tickets?
21:44 I am a 12-year-old boy.
21:48 I am this child's nephew.
21:52 I cannot do this.
21:54 I cannot do this.
21:58 If anybody makes any dinner, I'll eat, but that's it.
22:05 All I'll do is eat.
22:09 [Door slams]
22:11 Oh, uh, baby, huh, stop crying.
22:18 I, oh, I'm tired.
22:25 Dee Dee? Dee Dee, are you leaving?
22:29 No, please. Someone has to watch the baby,
22:33 because unless it's flying above my head, I cannot do it.
22:39 All right, help! Will somebody come--help!
22:43 What? What's wrong? I shouldn't have left, right?
22:46 You know, I had a feeling.
22:48 The baby.
22:49 Yeah?
22:50 It's crying.
22:51 It's always crying. The baby hasn't stopped crying since it got here.
22:56 Just do something.
22:58 [Baby crying]
23:02 [Baby crying]
23:16 Sure you're my brother?
23:23 Hank! Hank, Hank, wait, don't go!
23:26 Hank, don't go!
23:29 All right, I've had enough, Dad.
23:33 There's a baby crying in the house.
23:35 Well, go fix it.
23:36 You go fix it.
23:38 I ain't getting near that child. He's possessed.
23:41 He's just leaking a little milk.
23:43 Sure, it's disturbing, but he'll grow out of it.
23:46 How do you know? Are you a leaker?
23:49 Are you leaking on me right now, Leaky?
23:52 What, you hear that? That silence?
23:56 G-8?
23:57 Something's wrong.
24:04 [Baby crying]
24:27 Isn't it amazing?
24:30 It's the greatest Hank feeling in the world.
24:34 [Baby crying]
24:42 [Music]
25:06 [Baby crying]
25:16 NERDY NERDY!