Category
😹
AmusantTranscription
00:00 (upbeat music)
00:02 (upbeat music)
00:05 (bell ringing)
00:23 (upbeat music)
00:26 - Okie dokie, now, we'll be with Dale and Nancy
00:36 at Chef Ling's.
00:38 I don't know the number, but if there's any problem,
00:41 just penetrate the gribble's perimeter.
00:44 The alarm company will page them.
00:46 - I don't need a babysitter.
00:48 - Bobby Lou Anne is not here to babysit.
00:50 She is here because she misses you
00:52 and she wants to spend time with you.
00:55 - No, no, no, I...
00:56 - You'll get the other half when we get back.
01:05 - My turn.
01:06 - Ah, change of plans.
01:09 The reservations fell through.
01:12 We're gonna eat in the alley tonight.
01:14 The bowling alley.
01:16 - What?
01:18 Oh no, I don't think...
01:19 I'm not much of a bowler.
01:21 - This shirt would beg to differ.
01:24 Look at yours, Hank.
01:26 Flamer for the propane man.
01:29 I guess I could have gone with propane man.
01:32 - No, no, flamer is cooler.
01:34 - Look at yours, Suge.
01:35 It says spare peg.
01:38 - I started with square peg and then I gave it a twist.
01:41 And then Nancy said spare was a bowling term,
01:44 so it works on both levels.
01:46 - All right, this was very thoughtful,
01:50 but really I'm not much of a bowler.
01:52 Maybe we could wear them to the movies or...
01:56 - Come on, Peggy.
01:57 The gribbles are gonna think you don't like 'em.
01:59 - He's right, Peggy.
02:01 What do you have against my wife?
02:05 (gentle music)
02:07 - Men's 12.
02:10 - Gents 12.
02:11 - Men's nine, 42 European.
02:14 - Ladies five, Suge.
02:16 - Gents nine, gal size five.
02:20 (gentle music)
02:22 - Ma'am?
02:24 - The man needs to know your shoe size.
02:28 - I'm sure he does.
02:30 And I will tell it to him.
02:31 Why don't you go pick your shoes up
02:33 and I will be with you shortly.
02:35 - Shoe size, ma'am.
02:43 - Look, I am willing to pay your shoe rental fee,
02:47 but I would like to bowl in my own shoes, please.
02:50 - I'm sorry, but those aren't bowling shoes.
02:53 I can't let you on the lanes.
02:55 - Come on, Peggy.
02:56 We're putting our nicknames up on the screen.
02:58 It's a lot of fun.
02:59 - I am a size 16.
03:03 - Oh, I'm sorry.
03:05 I thought you said size 16.
03:08 - I did.
03:09 - Oh my God.
03:11 No one's ever asked for those before.
03:16 (gentle music)
03:19 - Just give me a few minutes.
03:27 - All right, Hank.
03:29 I'm just gonna go check on Bobby.
03:31 (door slams)
03:33 (gentle music)
03:43 - But mommy, I want my Mary Janes.
03:46 - Oh, Peggy, it's not my fault your feet are growing
03:49 and you're not.
03:49 - I found something that can fit her.
03:52 - Nurses shoes?
03:55 - Hey, watch your feet.
04:03 - I'm looking for something in a woman's size 16 bowling shoe
04:12 that says eight on the back.
04:15 - No, I think you're looking for a size 16 and a half
04:18 that says eight on the back.
04:20 - 16 and a half?
04:21 No, no, no.
04:23 I have been a size 16 since I was just a little girl.
04:27 - Oh, it's actually quite common for a woman's feet
04:29 to keep growing as she gets older.
04:31 - They're getting bigger?
04:33 Oh God.
04:34 - Yeah, at this rate, I'd say you've got a shot
04:36 at the big two-oh.
04:37 (Peggy gasps)
04:38 (gentle music)
04:41 (knocking)
04:43 (Peggy crying)
04:47 - Hello?
04:48 (knocking)
04:49 Hello?
04:49 It's okay.
04:50 It really is.
04:51 - Oh, please spare me your psycho babble.
04:56 (Peggy crying)
04:58 - I know exactly how you feel.
05:01 (door creaking)
05:06 (door creaking)
05:08 - Honey, there's a man you should talk to.
05:15 He can make you feel good about your feet.
05:18 I don't hide mine anymore.
05:20 - Grant Trimble?
05:23 - Again.
05:25 One more time.
05:27 Have you ever had back problems?
05:31 - No.
05:32 - Of course not.
05:33 I'll bet you're a gifted athlete.
05:35 - Well, I am one of the best softball pitchers
05:38 in the Tri-Towns.
05:39 - That's because you have really, really amazing feet.
05:43 They're long enough to give you a perfect stride
05:45 and wide enough to root you firmly on the ground.
05:48 I don't even have to ask if you're a professional success.
05:51 - I have three-peated the substitute teacher
05:54 of the year award at Tom Landry Middle School.
05:57 - I would have been surprised if you'd said otherwise.
06:00 - Wait, are you saying that I owe my success
06:03 to the fact that my feet are so big?
06:06 - Some might see them as big.
06:08 I see them as vibrant and alive.
06:12 They're also very hot.
06:15 - Well, no one has ever told me that before,
06:20 about my feet.
06:21 I have heard that before about my eyes and my teeth.
06:25 - Peggy, how would you like to help others in your situation?
06:29 We're making a small, inspirational film.
06:32 It's for all those people out there who have foot issues.
06:37 We need to take them to a place
06:38 where they can feel better about themselves.
06:41 Would you, could you appear in it?
06:45 - Mr. Trimble, I've never let my feet
06:47 be photographed before.
06:49 I- - Please, Peggy.
06:51 You have an exceptional gift.
06:53 Wouldn't it be wrong of you not to share it with the world?
06:57 - I can see how it might be.
07:02 - Yes.
07:03 Oh, yeah.
07:10 - Wonderful work, Peggy.
07:13 - Thank you.
07:13 - Now go over there and walk in some mud.
07:16 It's spa grade, I assure you.
07:18 - Guess what I did today?
07:27 - Worked up an appetite for steak, I hope.
07:30 - Yep, I starred in a short film.
07:34 - Hold on, let me just...
07:35 Okay.
07:38 So tell me about it.
07:39 - Well, I was discovered in the parking lot,
07:42 just like Lana Turner.
07:44 And now I'm gonna star in an educational video,
07:48 which Lana Turner was never asked to do.
07:51 - Well, that's great.
07:51 I'll get to see my wife in a movie.
07:53 - Actually, it's not really me in the film.
07:57 It's mainly my feet.
07:59 - Well, everyone has to start somewhere.
08:01 What's it about?
08:02 - It is an empowerment video
08:05 for people in the foot community.
08:07 Oh, the director, who is a genius,
08:09 filmed me getting a foot massage
08:11 and soaking my feet in butter,
08:13 stimulating my soles with a ping pong paddle.
08:16 Hank, he may even distribute it on the internet.
08:20 - The internet?
08:21 Well, tell me, does a big movie star like you
08:24 still like her steaks medium rare?
08:26 (humming)
08:29 (clears throat)
08:35 - Hank, I got something you should take a look at.
08:38 You might wanna bring a valid credit card with ya.
08:42 (humming)
08:44 - All right, what's so funny?
08:47 If it's that Tweety Bird made of X's,
08:49 I've already seen it.
08:50 - Hank, welcome to Peggy'sFeet.com.
08:55 - Wait a minute.
08:56 Is that a pornographic website?
08:59 - It's not a pornographic website.
09:02 It's a fetish website.
09:04 - And those are Peggy's feet.
09:06 - Well, those aren't...
09:07 - You've got feet.
09:09 - Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah.
09:12 - What the heck is that?
09:13 - Ping pong paddle.
09:15 - Mm, Peggy's been a bad, bad girl.
09:19 - Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah.
09:23 - Oh my God.
09:27 (guitar music)
09:33 - Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah.
09:38 - Dang it, Dale, turn that thing off.
09:41 - Just testing my new sound card.
09:44 - I tell you what, man, it all started to make sense, man,
09:47 how you gonna afford them shop vacuums.
09:51 - For God's sakes, Boom Hauer,
09:53 you've known Peggy longer than I have.
09:55 She respects herself and hates her feet too much
09:59 to ever show up on something like this.
10:01 - Here comes the fondue.
10:03 - No, it doesn't.
10:05 - 'Kay.
10:06 - And so I have finally taken my own advice
10:13 to combine my love of education
10:16 with my interest in edutainment.
10:18 - But why are they only making videos of your feet?
10:21 - Very good question.
10:23 You may not have noticed because I wear bold eyeglasses
10:26 to draw the attention to my head,
10:28 but your mother has exceptionally long and handsome feet.
10:32 - Ugh.
10:35 - And up until now, I had been tricked by the media
10:38 into thinking that they were unattractive.
10:41 - Who?
10:42 Who in the media tricked you?
10:44 - Bobby, I don't know their names.
10:48 It's more of a conspiracy.
10:50 - Well, hey, there's my movie star.
10:53 (chuckles)
10:56 Bobby, can you go watch TV?
10:58 - Can I?
10:59 - So, Peggy, if I wanted to shake the hand
11:05 of the director of this...
11:07 Where would I go to wait for him, to shake his hand?
11:13 - Director, writer, cameraman, Grant Trimble does it all.
11:17 He has his own motion picture warehouse
11:19 out by the truck scales.
11:20 - I'll be right back.
11:21 - Are you the tickler?
11:36 - No.
11:37 Hello?
11:40 Hello, anyone there?
11:42 Hello?
11:45 Trimble?
11:46 Trimble?
11:47 - This is a closed set.
11:49 - Trimble, I want you to stay away from my wife.
11:54 - Oh?
11:55 And who's your wife?
11:57 - Mrs. Peggy Hill.
11:58 - Then you're a very lucky man.
12:01 But I'm afraid we're gonna have to share.
12:03 - You, sir, are nothing but a low-rent smut hound,
12:07 and you're gonna delete my wife's feet from your internet
12:10 before she finds out what you've done with 'em.
12:13 - What I've done with 'em?
12:15 I've made them stars.
12:16 - You made 'em wade through pork and beans.
12:19 - This isn't about individual artistic decisions.
12:23 It's about something bigger than you or me or any of us.
12:27 It's about a world wired together,
12:29 a future where, at the click of a mouse,
12:32 a dream can start in Arlen
12:34 and end on a computer in Johannesburg.
12:37 The generations join, united,
12:40 under the banner of a single ideal,
12:43 women's big, beautiful feet.
12:47 It's about an end to strife and misunderstanding.
12:50 One world, one dream, one peace.
12:55 - You leave me with no choice.
12:58 I'm gonna have to kick your ass.
13:01 - Hold on.
13:04 Let me turn on the camera.
13:12 - Uh, I'm sorry.
13:14 - Uh-uh, Hank.
13:15 No more painting my toenails alone in the dark.
13:18 I don't care who sees.
13:20 - Peggy, there's something I wanna show you on your computer.
13:26 This is an internet site called Peggy'sFeet.com.
13:31 - Well, I think that is wonderful.
13:33 Now women who are too embarrassed to even go to the doctor
13:37 can be inspired by my feet
13:39 in the privacy of their own homes.
13:41 - Peggy, your feet are stepping on raw hamburger.
13:45 - Mm-hmm, yes.
13:46 Mr. Trimble says that that is a common
13:48 European beauty treatment.
13:50 - Here's some honey being poured all over 'em.
13:53 - It tones the pores.
13:55 - Yeah, and now a bunch of flies get stuck to 'em.
13:59 - Okay, now that was a mistake.
14:01 - Uh, here's where you can buy the flies.
14:05 - They're selling the flies?
14:07 Well, I'm sure the money goes to
14:10 important foot-related charities.
14:12 - Uh, your socks are for sale too.
14:16 Peggy, they're foot fetish videos.
14:18 - Oh my God.
14:21 - Don't feel too bad.
14:23 Bill says a lot of college girls get caught up
14:26 in the dirty internet world.
14:27 I'll give you some time.
14:30 (somber music)
14:36 (birds chirping)
14:39 (clears throat)
14:49 - Grant?
14:50 - Oh, Peggy, what a terrific surprise.
14:53 I hope you brought your swim trunks.
14:55 - I am not here to swim, Trimble.
14:57 I know what you're up to.
14:59 I have it on good authority, my own,
15:02 that you have been exploiting my feet for unseemly purposes.
15:06 - You have a computer.
15:08 - Yes, I also have a moral compass
15:10 that always points to good.
15:12 - All right, Peggy, I understand you're a little annoyed.
15:15 We were shooting for the women's empowerment market,
15:18 but as it turns out,
15:20 women were not as interested as we'd hoped.
15:22 We did, however, find an audience, and it was men.
15:28 - Oh.
15:29 - I was ready to pull the plug on peggysfeet.com,
15:32 but then I realized something.
15:35 - Yes?
15:36 - Have you ever seen a pair of big, beautiful feet
15:39 like yours in Playboy Magazine, Peggy?
15:43 - No, not on the cover, and I certainly wouldn't open it
15:46 because I do not read pornography.
15:49 - Let's use a Gap ad.
15:50 Have you ever seen them in a Gap ad, ever?
15:53 - No.
15:54 - That's right, you haven't.
15:56 But what if someone alone at first
16:00 was out there appreciating big, beautiful feet?
16:04 I mean loving them the way they deserve.
16:08 Pretty soon you'd see them in music videos,
16:11 then Hollywood movies, and before too long,
16:14 on 60-foot billboards across America pushing Parker pens.
16:19 - So really, what you're saying is
16:22 I will be helping create a better world for men and women?
16:26 I'd be like Rosa Parks.
16:30 - This website is your bus, Peggy.
16:33 Ride it to freedom.
16:34 - But you said the movies were just for women.
16:41 - Well, honey, ultimately they are,
16:43 but first we must reach the men.
16:46 All right, how can I put this so you'll understand?
16:51 Bobby, some men like ladies' bottoms,
16:54 and other men like ladies' bosoms,
16:57 and a small, small number, too few, love ladies' big feet.
17:02 Now, Mommy is trying to increase that number
17:07 and thus help women everywhere.
17:10 - How does this help the women with the big boobies?
17:13 - They don't need any more help.
17:14 Hank, I am going to my book club.
17:20 We are reading "The Hunt for Red October,"
17:22 which luckily I read 12 years ago.
17:25 That's why you haven't seen me reading it recently, okay?
17:28 I will be at Becky Banky's house.
17:30 She does not have a phone or a cell phone or a telegraph.
17:34 - Okay, then.
17:39 Beautiful, beautiful.
17:42 Oh, yeah.
17:43 Cut.
17:44 Now let's ridge you off and move on to some more eggs.
17:47 - More eggs? But we've done so many eggs.
17:51 How about if my feet are on a silken cushion?
17:54 I see you have one.
17:56 - That could be good, but wait.
17:58 How about if your feet are next to a rotting jack-o-lantern?
18:02 You know, sort of a "Beauty and the Beast" thing.
18:05 - Well, I've always thought I should play beauty.
18:08 - And you will.
18:09 Inner beauty.
18:10 - Inner beauty.
18:12 Good morning, Grant.
18:17 I brought coffee.
18:18 - Ooh, still hot.
18:21 That will burn your feet.
18:23 You ready for that?
18:24 - What?
18:26 No, that's for you to drink.
18:29 I did have an idea, though,
18:31 which is why I brought the flowers.
18:33 - Uh-huh.
18:34 - How about surrounding my beautiful feet
18:37 with beautiful flowers?
18:39 I figured we did "Beauty and the Beast."
18:42 How about "Beauty finally meets her match"?
18:46 - Uh, flowers smell good.
18:48 That's not gonna work.
18:50 - What's wrong with smelling good?
18:53 People like feet that smell good.
18:55 - Tell you what,
18:56 we'll compromise with a tub of corned beef hash.
18:59 - No, Grant, that's just more food.
19:02 I brought these flowers from my own yard.
19:05 They're so pretty.
19:06 - Look, I've been around this business
19:07 for long enough to know what works.
19:09 No one wants pretty.
19:11 They want spinach, eggs, and corned beef hash.
19:15 For some reason, they don't like 'em together.
19:17 Go figure.
19:18 - Well, of course they want pretty.
19:20 They want my feet.
19:22 You said so yourself.
19:24 - All right, you're a smart woman.
19:27 All the girls figure it out eventually,
19:29 and that's when I start paying.
19:30 - Wha, huh?
19:31 - It's 200 bucks for a five-minute smush video.
19:34 We shoot 10 a day.
19:35 I'm gonna need your social.
19:36 Bet you never thought those big, ugly feet of yours
19:39 could buy you a fur coat.
19:41 - You think my feet are ugly?
19:43 - Let's be honest, Peggy.
19:45 You know your feet are ugly.
19:47 That's what a certain type of very self-hating individual
19:50 will pay top dollar to see.
19:52 Now let's fire up those stompers and make some dirty.
19:55 - What?
20:02 (sobbing)
20:05 (sobbing)
20:14 (sobbing)
20:16 - Peggy's home.
20:19 - Uh, hey, Peggy.
20:23 Can I, uh, fix you a sandwich?
20:26 - Oh, Hank.
20:27 Oh, Hank.
20:29 I went back to Grant Trimble.
20:31 - What?
20:32 - I feel so stupid.
20:35 It turns out the only ones who wanna look at my ugly feet
20:39 are perverts.
20:41 (sobbing)
20:43 And the perverts only like my feet
20:45 because they're so big and ugly.
20:48 - That's what I've been trying to tell you.
20:52 They're fetishists.
20:53 That means they obsess on one weird little thing.
20:57 Look, I'll never love your feet as much as they do,
21:03 but the way I look at it,
21:05 well, you're like a fully loaded truck.
21:09 The big tires are part of the package.
21:12 You pay extra to get those really big tires.
21:15 (sobbing)
21:17 Now, why are you crying?
21:21 You know how much I want a new truck.
21:23 (sobbing)
21:26 - I don't see any problems with your feet, Mrs. Hill.
21:32 They're perfectly healthy.
21:34 - Very good.
21:35 Now, what I would like is for you to smash them
21:38 with a hammer and then reset them until they're a size five.
21:42 - I'm sorry.
21:43 We, that's, we don't do that.
21:46 (sad music)
21:49 (sobbing)
21:52 (sad music)
21:54 (sad music)
21:56 (sad music)
22:24 - Mom, aren't you shooting some foot movies tonight?
22:28 - No, Bobby, never again.
22:32 - Artistic differences?
22:33 - No.
22:35 Well, no.
22:37 All that stuff I told you about empowerment,
22:40 it was all lies.
22:42 The whole time I was making Smush videos
22:45 and they only wanted me for my ugly feet.
22:48 - That was mean of them.
22:50 - You don't understand, Bobby.
22:52 I actually let myself believe that these were beautiful.
22:57 Can you imagine Peggy Hill that stupid?
23:02 - I can imagine, Mom.
23:04 I'm fat.
23:05 - Oh no.
23:06 No, honey, you're husky.
23:07 It says so on your jeans.
23:09 - Mom, I'm fat, but big deal.
23:13 I don't feel bad about it.
23:15 You never made me feel bad about it.
23:17 And just because there are some people in the world
23:20 who want me to feel bad about it,
23:22 doesn't mean I have to.
23:24 So Bobby Hill's fat.
23:26 He's also funny.
23:28 He's nice.
23:30 He's got a lot of friends, a girlfriend.
23:33 And if you don't mind,
23:35 I think I'll go outside right now and squirt her with water.
23:40 What are you gonna do?
23:42 (sad music)
23:49 - Men's 12.
23:51 - Men's nine.
23:52 - Ladies five, sure.
23:54 - Just 12 and nine.
23:55 Gal size five.
23:57 - My name is Peggy Hill,
24:01 and I will take a size 16 and a half.
24:05 - We don't need to know your name.
24:09 We just need your shoes.
24:10 - Fine.
24:11 16 and a half.
24:13 - You know, I think I saw her on a website.
24:16 (sad music)
24:18 (upbeat music)
24:24 (upbeat music)
24:27 (upbeat music)
24:55 Who in the media tricked you?