Category
😹
AmusantTranscription
00:00 [music]
00:02 [music]
00:31 [music]
00:33 Sir, I'm very sorry we shorted you on your propane delivery.
00:37 Even though this was the new gal's mistake, I'll be noting it on my own record as well.
00:43 I'll be right out there.
00:45 Hank, let's go to lunch. I have been craving cheese all morning.
00:49 Sorry, I can't take you to lunch today.
00:52 That new gal Buck hired? Well, long story short, she's dumb as a charcoal briquette.
00:59 Yo, dude. Uh, I might have messed something else up.
01:03 This dude called and he's talking so fast. Propane this, something, gas that.
01:09 I was like, "Whoa!" [laughs]
01:11 Dang, I am such as bad.
01:14 Tammy, this is my wife Peggy. Peggy, this is our new customer service associate, Tammy.
01:23 You know, you look a lot like the last girl Buck hired.
01:27 Of course, she's dead now.
01:29 We'll have lunch another time, maybe tonight.
01:34 You know, um, if you've got no one else to have lunch with, I'll go with you.
01:42 I mean, only if you want to.
01:45 No, I'm just trying to think if there's anything else I need to do.
01:49 Mm-hmm. Mm-mm-hmm.
01:52 Well, shall we?
01:54 I'll get my hairspray.
01:57 What do you order here? This menu is totally whack.
02:19 Personally, I like the La Crepe Suzette.
02:23 Get out! You talk French?
02:25 Un poquito.
02:27 Actually, I am a substitute Espanol teacher.
02:30 That is so slammin'.
02:33 Well, when you think about it, I suppose it is slammin'.
02:37 Your parents must be psyched.
02:39 No, uh-uh. I could be queen of Egypt and my mother wouldn't give a hoot.
02:44 Wow. Well, I really know that trip.
02:47 My mom and I hadn't talked since I dropped out of school.
02:49 Maybe it was since I totaled her vet.
02:52 Your mother drove a Corvette?
02:54 Chevette.
02:57 You would not have dropped out of school on Peggy Hill's watch.
03:01 I make learning fun, incredibly fun.
03:04 Well, that's why I moved here from Oklahoma City, yo.
03:07 I just wanted to start over, you know, maybe get my GED.
03:11 Dang, I'm thirsty. Hey, Pierre.
03:14 How about a couple of Diet Cokes?
03:16 Pierre? Well, look who's talking French now.
03:21 The Thai food was Tammy's idea.
03:23 The notion of taking it out was mine.
03:27 Next time, I would like to travel to Thairavia and see those pyramids.
03:33 So, Luanne, you go to community college?
03:37 That is awesome. I am totally impressed.
03:40 I've never even finished a whole book.
03:42 Well, that's just because you've never had the right tutor.
03:46 If Helen Keller can graduate from college, you can certainly get your GED.
03:52 My G-freakin'-ED!
03:55 Your learning adventure begins tomorrow after work at your place.
04:00 If you have cats, please vacuum.
04:03 My place?
04:05 Uh, actually, I kind of got kicked out of my apartment last night, so I'm living out the car.
04:12 We could meet at Starbucks.
04:16 Could I use the phone in your bedroom?
04:20 It's long distance, but I'll pay you back.
04:22 Could you or can you? You may.
04:28 Hank, we are not letting Tammy sleep in her car.
04:31 Let's give her the den till she gets back on her feet.
04:33 Not my den. No way. It took me two years to get this one out of there.
04:39 If Boomhauer got kicked out of his house, you would let him stay in the den?
04:43 Yes, but Boomhauer is a family friend. Plus, he's immaculate.
04:50 Tammy! Hank and I just discussed it, and I insist that you stay with us until you find a new place.
04:57 What? But...
04:59 You guys are the raddest.
05:05 This calls for a celebration. I'm staying up till 11.
05:10 My dad's taking the truck to a swap meet this weekend, so I better take scratch and ding inventory now.
05:19 Hang on a sec.
05:22 That Tammy's quite a dish. Frankly, though, I think my Nancy has a nicer can.
05:28 Hank, do you think Nancy has a nicer can than Tammy's can? Huh?
05:34 My wife's can vis-a-vis your wife's friend's can?
05:39 Stop it, Dale. It's bad enough I have to live with her now, running around the house in those mini skirts.
05:46 That pager never stops beeping, and I've had it up to here with her coming in all hours of the night.
06:02 How do my girls look, Hank?
06:04 I wouldn't know.
06:07 Well, where are you off to all jazzed up like that?
06:10 I'm just going to hang out with a friend.
06:13 Oh, another friend. I'm sorry, I thought I was your friend. Who is this other friend?
06:19 Oh, yeah, he's an old bud from Oklahoma City. You know, passing through town on business.
06:25 Maybe your old bud would like to meet your new bud.
06:28 Definitely. Definitely next time.
06:36 Hey, long time no see. You still charging your Oklahoma City rate?
06:40 A hundred bucks a throw, up front, like always. I know a place where we can park.
06:47 Boy, Peggy, I don't know. I'm beginning to suspect that Tammy is a, well, a freeloader.
06:56 No, she is not. If there is one thing I know, Hank, it is people, and Tammy is good people.
07:10 See ya.
07:19 She took the best piece of ham.
07:22 I was saving that for Lady Bird.
07:24 Hey, everybody, I'm home.
07:27 I thought you were going out with your other friend.
07:30 Oh, he was just in town for the hour.
07:32 Huh, that's odd. Why would he--
07:34 Oh, Hank, before I forget, this is for you. It's 50 bucks.
07:38 You guys have been so amazing to me. It's the least I can do.
07:43 You know, for using your phone and chowing your food.
07:48 That makes the score Peggy Hill, 1, and people who doubt Peggy Hill, 0.
07:56 Yeah, that bottom paper tray needs to be filled.
08:03 It's full.
08:04 Well, tap it off.
08:06 You know, Tammy, I run a private propane tutorial retreat up my leg house.
08:11 If you got a thirst for knowledge and margaritas, I'm free this weekend.
08:16 Thanks, Buck, but I'm pretty booked up this weekend.
08:20 Most weekends, actually.
08:23 Uh-huh. Down and get it, him.
08:27 Boy, I had her all wrong.
08:30 It takes a lot of character to stand up to Buck when he turns on that charm.
08:35 Oh, Hank, Tammy's got more sense than to go after a married man.
08:39 Poor kid. She's probably very lonely, and it doesn't help that we're waving our happy marriage in her face all the time.
08:47 Hey, why don't I introduce Tammy to some of the single guys on my route?
08:53 Maybe she'll meet a nice fella to settle down with.
08:56 She is gonna make someone a great wife.
08:59 But it's gonna have to be someone who can hold her interest.
09:03 Her dates never last more than an hour.
09:07 [car engine starts]
09:10 Howdy, Hank. Well, well. Who's this?
09:22 This is Tammy Duvall. She's new over at Strickland.
09:27 Lane Pratley of Pratley Cadillac Hyundai.
09:30 As in, the owner.
09:33 Oh, cool. Nice to meet you.
09:38 Well, I'm gonna go check the tanks, so feel free to talk while I'm gone.
09:46 Fine, fine. So, how long you been in town?
09:50 I think I also better check the gaskets.
09:52 That's fine!
09:54 So, how long you been in town?
10:00 Dang. Official GED practice tests.
10:05 Do you really think I can pass?
10:08 Oh, please. People who haven't even graduated from high school can do this.
10:13 Now, here is the first book you're going to finish.
10:17 Congo, by Michael Crichton.
10:20 Mm-hmm.
10:21 This is the kind of book people read on planes.
10:26 Now that would look hot on you.
10:30 No, I could never wear something that bold.
10:35 Why not? You sure got the legs. Yo, show 'em off.
10:40 That dress is pretty rad.
10:44 We'll hit the makeup counter, and when I'm through with you, believe me, honey, you are gonna be stopping cars.
10:51 Oh, yeah.
10:54 Hey, Dad.
10:56 Hand the keys to my Cadillac car.
10:59 Remember, under no circumstances is the wife allowed in my Cadillac car, unless she's in a bag in the trunk.
11:07 I know, I know. Have fun at the swap meet.
11:10 I hope you clean the bed liner in your truck. I don't want no dirt on Hitler's canoe.
11:16 Hank, would you mind seeing if that's for me? I'm not ready yet.
11:20 Well, well, well! Albert, God dang! Do I know you?
11:25 I don't think so.
11:27 You ever work Houston?
11:28 No.
11:29 Vegas?
11:30 No.
11:31 Tijuana?
11:32 No.
11:33 Reno?
11:34 No.
11:35 Oh, hey, Mr. Burton. Is everything okay with your tanks? I safety checked 'em this afternoon.
11:41 Oh, right, yeah, the tanks are fine. I'm just here for, you know, Tammy's safety check.
11:47 The tanks are fine. I'm just here for, you know, Tammy. We have a date.
11:52 Huh. Well, hold on. I'll go get her.
11:56 The Philippines?
11:58 No.
11:59 Bangkok?
12:00 I think I would have remembered you.
12:02 Don't be so sure, sweet cheeks. I've been known to give a girl amnesia.
12:08 Dad, please don't bring us back another Japanese skull. It's just gonna gather dust.
12:15 I've got Tammy Miles Burtons at the door. He says he's got a date with you. What's that about?
12:20 Hank, you introduced us.
12:24 But I thought you were going out with Lane Prattly tonight.
12:28 I am. After my date with Miles.
12:32 Oh, I see. Well, nothing wrong with having lots of different suitors.
12:38 That's the way dating used to be back in my mom's day.
12:42 This is a little present for you, because you are so rad.
12:48 And this is next week's rent in advance.
12:51 You are one class act, I tell you what.
12:54 And I have one more surprise for y'all.
12:59 Peggy, you ready?
13:00 As always.
13:02 Presenting the new, improved Peggy Hill.
13:08 Whoa.
13:14 What? You don't like it?
13:16 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I do. Yeah, you look hot.
13:22 Well, that's true.
13:24 Okay, everybody, I gotta fly. Peace out.
13:29 Wonder what she got me.
13:36 Well, I kind of like it.
13:43 Well, we look like a couple of movie stars.
13:45 We sure do, baby.
13:50 Yep.
13:52 Yep.
13:54 Mm-hmm.
13:56 All right, if no one's going to say it to you, Hank, I'll say it.
14:00 I am jealous of that hat.
14:03 Me too.
14:04 Man, that thing on looks smooth, old hat, man.
14:07 Yeah, I tell you, it's pretty sporty.
14:10 I've got to wear it around to break in the felt.
14:13 I don't mean to put you on the spot, Hank, but do you think I'd have a shot with Tammy?
14:19 Well, look, Bill, you're a great guy, but I've set her up with some of the most prominent men in Arlen.
14:25 And none of them has been good enough for her to date exclusively.
14:29 She's very selective.
14:42 Reverend Stroop?
14:44 Uh, Hank?
14:53 Give me the money.
14:54 Come here.
14:56 Don't hold that gun on me.
14:59 Hey, hey, come on.
15:00 I mean it.
15:02 Hey, don't you ever lay your hands on a lady, you understand?
15:06 Okay, okay, okay, okay, you're ripping the jacket.
15:09 Now, what's the problem here?
15:11 This hose bag owes me money.
15:13 Give her the money, friend.
15:15 I'm not going to ask you twice.
15:16 Okay, but you--
15:17 You mess with her or you mess with me.
15:19 Now hand over the money.
15:23 Okay, all right, okay.
15:25 We're cool, okay?
15:26 Yeah, we're cool.
15:28 Now beat it.
15:29 Hank, man, you are the bomb.
15:37 Well, from the reaction we're getting, I guess they haven't had two pretty women in this library in a while.
15:45 Dude, check out the feet on the one on the left.
15:48 It's got to be a guy.
15:50 But there's no Adam's apple.
15:52 They can fix that.
15:54 I've been with worse.
15:56 Mrs. Hill, is that you?
15:59 Well, hello, Mike.
16:01 You must be Mrs. Soto.
16:03 Hello, I am Peggy Hill, Mike's teacher.
16:07 You're a teacher?
16:09 Why are you dressed like that?
16:12 What?
16:13 Is there a dress code for teachers now?
16:18 Some chicks just hate it when other chicks look hotter.
16:22 I'm not afraid of my life.
16:38 Can I help you?
16:39 Allow me to, uh, introduce myself.
16:42 Alabaster Jones, the main mac daddy of Oklahoma City.
16:48 Miss Tammy Duvall works for me.
16:52 I am her manager.
16:54 Well, she works for me now.
16:56 I'm her manager.
16:58 Technically assistant manager.
17:00 It ain't like that, G.
17:02 I am her pimp.
17:04 Pimp?
17:05 You must have her confused with somebody else.
17:08 The Tammy Duvall I know works at Strickland Propane.
17:12 Man, don't be giving me no nut roll.
17:14 I ain't no chili pimp.
17:16 I got the wire on that propane scam you working.
17:19 You've been tricking Tammy out all over town.
17:22 Driving around in your kitty.
17:24 Shaking Jay's down for bills.
17:27 Pretty sweet little operation you got going on for a small town player.
17:44 Son of a...
17:46 [Screams]
17:50 I can't believe this.
17:52 I...
17:53 But she...
17:54 Believe it, homie.
17:55 She's my hoe.
17:57 And I better have my hoe in my car, ready to go back to my hood in one hour,
18:04 or you're gonna be my hoe.
18:07 You dig?
18:15 Yeah, I bet it seemed like the sweet life at first.
18:19 Trick out a couple of ladies, make some spare scratch,
18:24 but you never see the dark side until those silk sheets form a noose around your neck.
18:31 Shut up, Dale.
18:33 I gotta find Tammy.
18:38 Hey, bring me back the redhead!
18:48 You!
18:49 Alabaster came by my house.
18:51 Oh, dang.
18:53 Who is Alabaster?
18:54 Tammy's pimp.
18:56 She is a prostitute.
18:57 Hank, that is a terrible thing to say.
18:59 Why would you even think that?
19:01 Because Tammy is a hooker!
19:03 Is this true?
19:05 Peggy, I'm totally sorry.
19:11 You get out your hooker stuff of my house.
19:29 Goodbye, Mrs. Hill!
19:31 Bye, Mike.
19:32 See you at school.
19:36 Well, did you really even want to get your GED, or was that just another lie?
19:40 No, I wanted to go straight so bad, but I was making janky-ass pay at Strickland,
19:46 and I was never gonna save enough money to move out of your place,
19:49 and I just fell back into the life.
19:53 Ugh.
19:54 Ugh!
19:56 But I'm almost finished with Congo.
19:59 I'm up to the part where they shoot the super monkeys with the ray gun.
20:03 You actually are reading it.
20:06 Tammy, you compromised the sanctity of my propane route.
20:11 Now I have to look that pervert Lane Pratley in the eye,
20:15 and he thinks I'm a pimp.
20:19 Dude, nobody thinks you're a pimp.
20:24 But if you were a pimp,
20:27 you'd be the coolest, nicest, most awesome pimp there ever was.
20:36 What the--?
20:37 Alabaster!
20:41 Hank, quick, turn there.
20:47 Oh, dang!
20:50 I'm on your ass now.
20:59 All right, hang on.
21:00 This is gonna get hairy.
21:03 What are you doing?
21:04 Getting him just where I want him.
21:11 Huh.
21:13 He ran a red.
21:14 You can't do that.
21:17 All right, now lose him in the alley.
21:22 That's it.
21:23 Hank, pull over.
21:25 Let me out.
21:26 Tammy, no.
21:27 This isn't your problem.
21:29 You dudes have already done more for me than anyone ever has.
21:33 I'm gonna go back to OKC with Alabaster.
21:43 Hank, please don't let her.
21:45 Granted, she's a prostitute,
21:47 and she did use you as something of a pimp,
21:50 but we all make mistakes.
21:57 You stay here.
21:58 Hank, don't.
21:59 Alabaster's a little guy, but he'll mess you up.
22:03 No offense, but he's from Oklahoma.
22:06 Peggy, give me the hat.
22:16 All right, man, get out of that jalopy and let's talk some business.
22:21 Oh, so you ready to give me my hoe back?
22:23 She's not going anywhere, chump.
22:26 But I am a fair businessman, so here's all the money she's given me so far.
22:34 Man, this feels a little light.
22:36 You jacking me?
22:37 I am the Mac Daddy of Heimlich County.
22:40 I play it straight up, yo.
22:43 You get the hell out of my hood.
22:46 She's my hoe now.
22:50 All right, all right, man, you can have her.
22:52 I got a stable of hoes waiting on me in the OKC.
22:58 Yo, what you want for that Jasper brunette?
23:03 That is my wife.
23:05 Man, that's the biggest mistake a pimp could make.
23:10 Marrying one of his hoes.
23:14 Hank?
23:25 What are you looking at?
23:26 Please, Hank, don't turn me out.
23:29 I'm no good.
23:30 Ask anyone. Ask my wife.
23:33 No, Dale, we're all going straight.
23:36 From now on, the only woman I'm pimping is Sweet Lady Propane.
23:41 And I'm tricking her out all over this town.
23:46 [MUSIC PLAYING]
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23:58 [MUSIC PLAYING]
24:02 [MUSIC PLAYING]