The 10 Most USELESS Assassin's Creed Characters
Transcript
00:00 I'll take these oysters you've ordered.
00:03 You mad sap. This island's crawling with food if only you'd cared to look for it.
00:08 I am looking, louse!
00:10 Welcome to Mojo Plays. Today, we're looking at 10 useless Assassin's Creed characters.
00:16 Your father knew it.
00:19 Whether by design or not, you can probably live without these characters.
00:27 Before we begin, we publish new content all week long, so be sure to subscribe and ring the bell to get notified about our latest videos.
00:35 Lorenzo de' Medici - Assassin's Creed 2
00:39 Not now! I need help first. To my home. People I trust.
00:45 The first defense mission on our list, these levels are the bane of Assassin's Creed fans everywhere.
00:52 Regularly, especially in the older games, you're tasked with making sure a significantly weaker NPC doesn't die.
00:59 In this case, Ezio is roped in to defend the Medicis, Lorenzo and Giuliano, from the Pazzi conspirators trying to kill them and seize control of Florence.
01:10 No! No, Medici!
01:16 Giuliano dies, as he did in real life, but Lorenzo survives, all thanks to Ezio being forced to protect him while he slowly bleeds from a near-fatal injury.
01:26 It's not necessarily a hard mission, but it can be frustrating if Lorenzo gets caught in an enemy combo and you're forced to watch his life bar erode.
01:35 He understood honor, loyalty.
01:38 Connor - Assassin's Creed 3 Liberation
01:42 Connor? I'm Aveline de Grandpré, your brother from New Orleans.
01:47 Yes. Achilles told me you would come.
01:50 In Assassin's Creed 3, Connor's far from useless.
01:53 He's not everyone's favorite character, but he's a capable assassin, especially if you get the countering down.
02:00 However, for some reason, this changes in Liberation, where Aveline journeys to the north to get Connor's help taking down one of her targets.
02:09 Now, Connor is basically a deadweight who needs defending and combat and also has to wait for Aveline to create platforming routes for him.
02:18 Not only is it annoying in the moment, but it doesn't make any sense.
02:27 Connor's supposed to be a seasoned master assassin at this point in time, and he can't even cross a bridge.
02:33 You can later replay the mission from Connor's perspective, and he still has to wait for her to fix the bridge for him.
02:40 Charles Vane - Assassin's Creed 4 Black Flag
02:49 Stinks the same as every other squat I've robbed this past year.
02:53 Edward keeps a clearer head than most of his pirate brethren.
02:57 He looks out for himself, but he's also loyal to a fault to his allies, which is more than can be said for them.
03:04 Notable is Charles Vane, who initially seems like he'll be a big help to Edward after Benjamin Hornigold betrays Nasu.
03:12 Except, soon after, Vane and Edward end up stranded on a desert island together, and Vane loses his mind with shocking speed.
03:21 I'll take these oysters you've ordered.
03:24 You mad sap. This island's crawling with food if only you'd care to look for it.
03:30 I am looking, lads.
03:31 It seems they've only been there for a few days, but already Vane has gone completely feral and is unable to gather any food and water for himself.
03:41 Then, he tries to kill Edward, despite Edward being the only one smart enough to find something to eat.
03:47 Or maybe you just don't have the stones to live with no regrets.
03:54 Sigurd Styrborsson, Assassin's Creed Valhalla.
03:58 Why have you been worrying without me?
04:00 Oh, aren't you salt cured, my dear?
04:04 We hear a lot about Sigurd in the prologue and how he's traveled far and wide to return to Norway an educated, worldly man intent on taking his clan to England's greener pastures.
04:16 However, Sigurd quickly proves himself to be a poor leader, at best.
04:21 He disappears repeatedly with Basim, leaving Eivor in charge, and when they do reunite, they'll often disagree.
04:29 You can even come to blows with him and Basim depending on what dialogue choices you make.
04:35 Your father knew it.
04:41 Finally, Sigurd gets kidnapped by the Order and has his hand cut off.
04:46 And to top all that off, the ending you get depends on how much of Sigurd's erratic behavior you choose to put up with.
04:53 Just don't romance his wife until after their marriage has inevitably broken down.
04:58 Randvi and I have, uh, have ended our marriage.
05:02 Henry Green, Assassin's Creed Syndicate.
05:05 Brother George, it is as I feared. London has fallen.
05:11 The potential for an interesting Indian assassin fighting against the British Empire was eventually realized with Assassin's Creed Chronicles, following the life of Henry Green's father.
05:22 But Henry himself was definitely a lackluster character, to say the least.
05:27 He's more of an academic mind, which would be all well and good if that was ever actually useful in the story.
05:33 A herbarium? Are you collecting flowers for someone?
05:37 Only myself. I'm told it's something of a British pastime.
05:41 Really, he just exists as an unconvincing love interest for Evie, and sadly does very little to contribute to the story otherwise.
05:49 Plus, he's been completely powerless against the Templars until the Fries decide to disobey their orders and head to London.
05:56 Did I... did I jeopardize the mission?
06:00 Henry, you saved it.
06:02 Stede Bonnet, Assassin's Creed IV Black Flag
06:06 By God's grace, sir, you saved me. A profusion of thanks.
06:11 Is that yours?
06:14 It is my vessel, yes.
06:16 Not only is Stede Bonnet a comically useless character in Assassin's Creed, but by all accounts, he was useless in real life, too.
06:23 Bonnet is encountered by Edward early on, as Edward rescues him and in return, Bonnet takes Edward to Havana under an assumed identity.
06:32 He lets Edward push him around until deciding to abandon his mercantile career and become a pirate himself.
06:38 Sorry about the swift exit. Bit of a misunderstanding.
06:41 One heaped upon another.
06:43 Oh, Jesus. I'm sorry, mate. This is my doing.
06:47 Unfortunately, Black Flag opens around 1715, and Bonnet was executed for piracy only three years later, which is why he doesn't appear in the game past a certain point.
06:58 Yes, he was useless, but Ubisoft at least gets points for historical accuracy this time.
07:04 Well above gold and silver and rum, I prize the courage you have inspired in me this year.
07:10 Thank you, sir. A fair good borrow to you.
07:13 The Herald, Assassin's Creed Revelations.
07:17 My son? But he is a humble printer and I a simple herald. Why would anybody want to hurt us?
07:24 Another character you have to defend against an onslaught of enemies, this mission is notoriously tedious to get 100% sync on.
07:32 Ezio and his apprentice need to protect an unarmed herald and his printer son, who have been publishing pamphlets the Templars don't like.
07:40 In order to get full sync, you need to defend him without him losing any health, which is easier said than done.
07:47 I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do this, but I'm so sorry.
07:50 Run! Keep my head down and run!
07:53 Maybe if he was a little more adept and able to defend himself in any way whatsoever, instead of cowering in fear behind Ezio, this mission wouldn't be the least popular in the whole series.
08:06 Hurry! I will kill this man! What the hell are you waiting for?
08:12 Leila Hassan, Assassin's Creed franchise.
08:19 If this doesn't convince Abstergo to give me a place on the Animus Project, nothing will.
08:23 I am amazing!
08:25 In truth, Desmond could go on this list as well, but he does eventually prove himself useful in Assassin's Creed 3.
08:33 Leila, on the other hand, never really gets the chance.
08:36 From the start, she's useless to the Templars because she keeps disobeying them, and is then useless to the Assassins because the Isu manipulate her into killing her friends.
08:46 From then on, nobody trusts her and her mood gets worse and worse.
08:51 Let go!
08:55 It's not worth it! This is for your own--
08:59 In the end, she's tricked one last time by Basim and he steals the Staff of Hermes from her, the only thing keeping her alive, and she dies in the vault housing Yggdrasil.
09:09 Leila's now cursed to a digital eternity with Desmond Miles' virtual ghost, possibly a fate worse than death.
09:17 Of course.
09:18 Of course?
09:19 The Capitoline Triad, Assassin's Creed franchise.
09:23 Greetings, Prophet. It is good you have come.
09:28 Let us see it, to give thanks.
09:31 Technically, this is three characters, not just one. Jupiter, Juno, and Minerva.
09:38 Juno and Minerva provide nearly all of the Isu lore in the first few games, frequently appearing as holograms and then dumping exposition onto Desmond.
09:47 But should we really be listening to any of them, since they all failed to prevent the great catastrophe that wiped out their entire species?
09:55 Whatever Juno's planning, however terrible it might seem today, we'll find a way to stop it.
10:01 In the end, this applies to most of the Isu, since nearly all of them perished.
10:06 If they're so clever and powerful, why were they not able to avert the cataclysm?
10:11 We know it's for plot reasons, but it doesn't give you too much faith in them, especially not when Minerva is somehow revered as a deity of wisdom.
10:20 You anchor him, but please be silent, that we may commune.
10:25 Testicles, Assassin's Creed Odyssey
10:28 The day is young, little goat.
10:32 Though the games deal with serious subjects like historical conflicts, death, and power, there is plenty of comic relief in there too.
10:44 Odyssey is perhaps one of the funniest games, and has lots of moments of levity, like this quest where Cassandra is tasked with bringing the Spartan champion Testicles to the Olympic Games.
10:55 You have to put up with him on the Adresia for a while, especially if you don't go to Ellis right away.
11:05 And then, as soon as you arrive, you're treated to a cutscene where a drunk Testicles demands Cassandra oil him up and then falls into the sea.
11:14 He's immediately eaten by sharks, and it's up to you to fill in for him on Sparta's behalf.
11:22 Well, looks like you're the champion now.
11:26 Thanks for watching. If you enjoyed the video, there's more where that came from.
11:32 See you next time.
11:35 [music]