Which Premier League players would be most fun to go for a pint with? | 3AM: Fantasy Five-A-Side
Matthew and Jason sit down and figure out a five-a-side squad made up of players they'd most like to go for a pint with. Will Jack Grealish make the side, or will the boys go for a beer with Bukayo Saka?
An evening with Emi or a jar with Jordan? Martinez or Pickford
Would you rather hit the hops with Harry or Hector? Maguire or Bellerin
Would Jack or Jackson make the best drinking buddy? Grealish or Irvine
Who would you prefer a pint with? Saka or Van de Beek
Whose round is it? Calvert-Lewin or Haaland
An evening with Emi or a jar with Jordan? Martinez or Pickford
Would you rather hit the hops with Harry or Hector? Maguire or Bellerin
Would Jack or Jackson make the best drinking buddy? Grealish or Irvine
Who would you prefer a pint with? Saka or Van de Beek
Whose round is it? Calvert-Lewin or Haaland
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SportsTranscript
00:00 (upbeat music)
00:02 - Hello, I'm Matthew Gregory,
00:08 and welcome once more to three added minutes
00:10 for Fibersight, the show in which myself
00:11 and my colleague Jason Jones sit down
00:14 and try to build the best football team
00:16 to a ludicrously specific requirement.
00:18 This week, we're gonna sit down and come up
00:20 with the best Fibersight team of players
00:22 I could like to go for a pint of.
00:25 - And here's how it works.
00:26 So Matthew and I are gonna go one-on-one
00:28 through the five slots in the team
00:30 and propose a candidate before arguing ferociously
00:33 for our preferred player
00:34 until we've agreed on our five-man squad.
00:36 'Cause we refuse to participate in goalkeeper erasure,
00:39 let's start a net.
00:40 Matt, I've got my suggestion,
00:41 but I'm gonna let you go first.
00:43 You've got to pick one, who you're going with.
00:47 Which goalkeeper would you most like to have a pint with?
00:50 - Now, let's be honest.
00:51 Most goalkeepers in the world fit into one of two categories.
00:54 The extremely boring and the clinically insane.
00:58 And I clearly would like to go for a pint with the latter
01:00 because if you're given the choice
01:02 between going for a drink with the neighborhood nut job
01:04 or a neighborhood accountant,
01:07 you're gonna pick the nut job.
01:08 And the nuttiest nut job in the Premier League right now
01:10 is Emi Martinez.
01:11 And you just get the impression that he would switch.
01:14 For one minute, he'd just be quietly drinking his pint,
01:16 chatting away like a perfectly normal man.
01:18 The next minute, he'd be on the bar,
01:20 dry humping a piece of glassware
01:22 and generally acting like a complete noobetic.
01:24 I think if it's a one-pint situation,
01:27 he would be the most entertaining in his own right
01:29 and the person I'd most like to laugh at in a bar.
01:32 I'll admit if we're talking about
01:33 who would I want to be friends with in the long term,
01:35 I'd probably pick the accountant
01:36 'cause Emi Martinez is clearly something of a liability.
01:39 But for one night only,
01:40 Emi Martinez would be an absolute riot.
01:43 And you just need to look at the way he behaved
01:45 after winning the World Cup.
01:46 That is total lack of decorum,
01:48 total lack of situational awareness,
01:50 just a man living his own best life in his own little world.
01:53 And why would you not wanna do that?
01:57 - You're talking about going for a pint
01:58 with a neighborhood nut job.
01:59 I think me and you must have grown up
02:00 in very, very different neighborhoods 'cause-
02:03 (laughs)
02:03 - That is true.
02:05 To be fair, my neighborhood was in rural Sussex.
02:08 So the local nut job was just the person
02:10 who put the jam and cream on the scone
02:11 the other way around.
02:12 - Yeah, if we're gonna go with local eccentrics,
02:15 then I think I'm gonna pick Jordan Pickford.
02:18 Now, Jordan Pickford, like me, is from the Northeast.
02:22 Jordan Pickford, like me, is a goalkeeper,
02:24 although one of us to a slightly higher standard
02:27 than the other.
02:28 So in my mind, we're essentially cut from the same cloth.
02:31 I've been living vicariously through Jordan Pickford now
02:34 for years, and I just think that it'd probably be all right
02:37 to have a pint with.
02:38 Again, like Martinez, I think he has a bit of a streak
02:41 to him where things could go south very, very quickly.
02:44 But if I'm being honest with you, don't mind that.
02:47 Not for one second.
02:48 I think that's the maintenance of a good night.
02:51 I just think that ultimately you wanna be going
02:54 for a pint with someone who you have something in common
02:56 with, who you can have a bit of crack with,
02:58 who you can chat on with.
02:58 And I just think that me and Jordan Pickford probably,
03:01 on that Venn diagram, there's probably a decent sized center.
03:05 So on that basis alone, if I sort of think
03:09 of the goalkeepers who would be candidates for this,
03:12 the first one that jumps out, the first one who I think,
03:15 yeah, we'd probably get on all right,
03:16 would be Jordan Pickford.
03:18 And plus, you know, a couple of pints, a couple of shots,
03:23 next thing you know, the new monkey's blasting.
03:26 And that's just a good time as far as anyone's concerned.
03:29 - I think what we've got here, Jason,
03:30 is a philosophical difference.
03:31 You've been asked who you'd like to go for a pint with
03:33 and decided you'd like, you know,
03:35 someone you have a very pleasant evening
03:36 with a pint out mild with.
03:38 I've basically taken the same approach as Damian Delaney
03:41 when he was asked for the Crystal Palace Match Day program,
03:43 who he'd like at a fantasy dinner party.
03:45 And he picked Keith Richards, Napoleon Bonaparte
03:48 and Genghis Khan along with Mao Zedong.
03:50 Basically I'm taking this as his one pint in my life.
03:53 I want someone mad, I want someone ridiculous,
03:56 I want someone weird.
03:57 And right now I think Emi Martinez
03:59 matches those requirements the most
04:01 'cause this is a fictional world.
04:02 I'm never gonna see him again.
04:03 This is a five-a-side team that we're putting together.
04:05 We're gonna have a pint with them afterwards,
04:06 I guess, after this game.
04:08 I'm never gonna see this person again.
04:10 I'd like to see Jordan Pickford again, I reckon, too.
04:12 Probably not Emi Martinez.
04:13 So, you know, it was a one and done.
04:14 That's my case anyway.
04:15 Emi Martinez is your man.
04:17 - I'm gonna give you Martinez
04:21 on the basis of the fact that he's won a World Cup.
04:24 But I want to take exception with the idea
04:26 that a pint with Jordan Pickford
04:28 would be some sort of genteel calm affair
04:30 'cause I absolutely promise you it would not.
04:35 Do you not remember that video of him after the,
04:38 was it after the Euros or after the World Cup?
04:40 And he's up on someone's shoulders
04:41 and he's singing "Believe" by Cher.
04:44 And he just looks, he's the rowdiest man in the world.
04:46 So it wouldn't be quiet.
04:47 But seeing as you're so, so keen
04:51 on meeting this fictional Emi Martinez,
04:53 then I'm gonna give you this one.
04:55 Love Martinez in there.
04:56 - Fair enough.
04:57 It's probably a fictionalized version
04:58 of what will turn out to be a very tepid
05:00 and normal Argentinian man.
05:01 But for now, let's go with Emi Martinez.
05:03 (whistle blows)
05:04 (upbeat music)
05:07 (upbeat music)