Pillow Talk w_ David Koechner - First Date with Lauren Compton - Ep. 15
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00:00 Not that I know of.
00:02 [laughter]
00:04 I mean...
00:05 What about farting?
00:06 Farting would be delicate.
00:07 Depends on if you're...
00:08 Stop.
00:09 Well...
00:10 I'm so excited to see you tonight.
00:13 [farting]
00:14 [theme music]
00:27 [bell rings]
00:28 Welcome to another fabulous episode of First Date
00:32 with me as your host, Lauren Compton.
00:34 You may know my next guest from Anchorman.
00:37 He played Champ Kind.
00:38 Or Todd Packer from The Office.
00:40 He's on tour right now.
00:42 Let's welcome David Koechner.
00:44 Hello.
00:45 Hello!
00:46 Yes, thank you.
00:47 Thank you so much for coming on my show.
00:48 You look so nice.
00:49 Well, thanks.
00:50 What kind of boots are those?
00:51 These are Pirauku.
00:52 This is a fish out of the Amazon,
00:55 if you can get a shot of that.
00:57 That's a fish?
00:58 Yes, it's a 20-foot fish out of the Amazon.
01:01 I did not catch it.
01:02 It would be better if I did.
01:04 There you go, that's a better shot.
01:06 But yeah, I've got several of those.
01:07 I got them from a boot store there in Los Angeles
01:09 called the Country General Store.
01:12 You would get some exotic shoe in LA.
01:14 Yeah, why not?
01:15 I've owned a lot of different boots,
01:16 but these are my favorite, this particular style.
01:20 I love them.
01:21 They're very comfy.
01:22 So a little bit about this show.
01:23 I have a menu here.
01:24 Yes.
01:25 And I'm going to ask you some appetizer questions.
01:26 Yes, I'm aware.
01:27 I've watched.
01:28 I've done some research, Lauren.
01:30 Yeah, I'm excited then.
01:32 So do we have a safe word?
01:33 Is there anything?
01:34 No, I mean, you know, I'll just talk about whatever.
01:37 Yeah.
01:38 Yeah.
01:39 Okay, we're going to start off with some appetizer questions.
01:41 Well, then we'll just get right into it.
01:42 Who was your first celebrity crush?
01:45 Celebrity crush, Linda Evans.
01:47 Oh, really?
01:48 Yeah, I was at Dynasty or Dallas that she was on.
01:51 I was in grade school.
01:53 Wow.
01:54 Yeah.
01:55 So she was also in the Big Valley,
01:58 but I don't think I had a crush on her until later.
02:00 What did you love about her?
02:02 Good question.
02:05 Well, at the time, so she was blonde and buxom.
02:10 I think she always had a very--
02:13 Relatable.
02:14 Yes, but I think she had a very peaceful inner sense about herself.
02:19 You know, there was a confidence to her.
02:21 Yeah.
02:22 But back then, I'm sure it was all sexual, right, as a boy.
02:25 Yeah.
02:26 But maybe the other thing was that, yeah,
02:28 she certainly seemed confident and, you know, knew what she wanted.
02:32 But I feel like that's why you have a crush.
02:34 I mean, you're not trying to just high-five someone.
02:35 Right, yeah, exactly.
02:37 Yeah, but I don't think--
02:38 I didn't qualify it that way when I was younger.
02:40 Yeah.
02:41 Yeah.
02:42 Do you have a crush now?
02:43 On a celebrity?
02:44 Yeah.
02:45 No.
02:46 No?
02:47 No.
02:48 You are the celebrity that people crush on.
02:49 Yeah, well, I don't--
02:50 No, no.
02:52 No, because I think--
02:53 See, I'm older, so it seems silly.
02:55 To have a crush?
02:56 Yeah.
02:57 What is your idea of a perfect first date?
03:00 Perfect first date?
03:01 Um, a perfect first date would be--
03:06 Let's see here.
03:09 I think that you meet someone circumstantially,
03:14 and then you both kind of agree, like,
03:16 "Hey, I'd like to continue this conversation."
03:21 Yeah.
03:22 And that's what it would be.
03:23 And then you have a true interest
03:25 in getting to know that person.
03:27 Yeah.
03:28 Yeah.
03:29 How do you meet people?
03:31 I don't.
03:32 [laughter]
03:34 I mean, I meet them through work now,
03:36 so it's kind of--
03:38 it's very different now.
03:40 So I don't think you know my history.
03:42 I was married for 24 years.
03:44 I'm divorced, and I have five kids.
03:46 Mm-hmm.
03:47 Now, who wants to meet that?
03:49 A single woman?
03:50 A single woman?
03:51 I've got five kids.
03:53 Well, that just means that you're ahead of the game.
03:55 Well, right.
03:56 That's right.
03:57 That takes some pressure off of a woman.
03:58 You're right.
03:59 It should be a single woman, not a married woman.
04:01 It would be a single woman who's probably been through
04:03 plenty of relationships--
04:05 Yeah.
04:06 --and is ready for that other partner.
04:09 Are your kids nice?
04:11 Oh, yeah.
04:12 Okay, so that's good.
04:13 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
04:14 How old are your kids?
04:15 Charlie's 24.
04:16 Margo is 21.
04:17 Sargent and Audrey are 17.
04:18 Eve is 12.
04:20 So they're almost all out of the house.
04:22 Eve's in seventh grade now.
04:24 I mean, Eve's there for a minute.
04:26 We've got some time.
04:27 Yeah.
04:28 Yeah.
04:29 But the other kids are all adults, yeah,
04:30 and they're all very cool,
04:31 and they're all bright and sweet and kind, yeah.
04:33 Which one's your favorite?
04:34 I don't have a favorite.
04:35 Oh, man.
04:36 Of course I do, but I'm not going to say it.
04:38 [laughter]
04:39 No, you know, any day one can be your favorite
04:42 for one reason or another,
04:44 and there's no upside in having a favorite.
04:46 Yeah.
04:47 The upside is fairness, and, you know,
04:50 I do look at it as a job, right?
04:53 Now, it changes over time because you realize
04:56 what your job was to do was to let them find themselves.
05:01 But as parents, certainly from my generation, I think,
05:04 we felt our job was to instruct them a certain way,
05:07 which is the way the parenting paradigm has gone forever.
05:10 But really, it is helping them.
05:12 My job is to now help them find out exactly who they are
05:18 rather than instruct them as the right and wrongs of the world.
05:21 Yeah.
05:22 You know, my job is to make them safe
05:25 and then make them happy, right?
05:28 And then with that idea,
05:29 then they should look for the same around them
05:32 and act that way toward the world, right?
05:34 Right.
05:35 But we tend to, you know,
05:37 apply all these things onto our kids that might not fit.
05:41 I used to think like this.
05:42 So I grew up in a family of six kids,
05:44 and my parents were very Catholic.
05:46 And so I was looking like this.
05:48 You've got a mainframe, your computer, right?
05:51 And then what's going to be the operating software?
05:53 Well, they put in the operating software.
05:55 That's not your software.
05:57 That's just what they give you.
05:58 Mine was just Catholicism.
06:00 And very early, like, this doesn't work.
06:02 Yeah, I got a floppy disk.
06:04 Yeah, okay, yes, yes, yes.
06:05 That's about--
06:06 You're supposed to start building your own software.
06:08 That's my metaphor as time goes on.
06:10 Yeah.
06:11 But anyway, yeah.
06:12 Well, I'm going to move on to some main course questions.
06:13 We're diving right in.
06:14 I got right through the appetizer.
06:15 You just swam through them.
06:18 (laughing)
06:20 What do you think your biggest red flag is?
06:22 For me?
06:23 For you, your biggest red flag.
06:25 That I present?
06:26 Yes.
06:27 (deep breath)
06:29 I'm a little ADD.
06:32 I'm a little over-involved.
06:34 I try to make everything good for people,
06:36 which is, you know, I'm probably too nice.
06:38 Like a people pleaser?
06:39 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
06:40 But then part of it comes with the territory.
06:42 Look, I was raised Irish Catholic,
06:44 so, you know, there's a lot of shame and guilt,
06:46 and you're always supposed to be of service
06:48 and that kind of thing.
06:49 But then I have five kids, so that is kind of my job anyway.
06:52 So I kind of--
06:53 I guess I'm a bit of a caretaker, right?
06:55 Mm-hmm.
06:56 But you're better off just being quiet.
06:58 So I guess my biggest red flag is, clearly,
07:01 talking too much.
07:03 (laughs)
07:04 No!
07:05 We are here to talk.
07:07 I want to hear more.
07:08 Do you have any pet peeves?
07:10 My pet peeve?
07:11 Yeah.
07:12 Um, I guess rudeness.
07:15 What would you do if you were on a date?
07:18 Uh-huh.
07:19 Ooh, this is a new question that I have.
07:21 Let's say you're on a date,
07:22 and you find out that your girlfriend
07:25 is the kind of girl who would tip a great waiter
07:29 less than 20%.
07:30 That's not acceptable.
07:32 What would you do?
07:34 I would--well, so for whatever reason,
07:36 we've agreed that either--
07:38 so is she insisting that we can't tip more than 20%?
07:41 As a couple?
07:42 Yeah, let's just say she's not into tipping, really.
07:45 She's like, "You don't have to."
07:47 Well, I would say it's important to me
07:48 because I worked in the restaurant industry.
07:50 Mm-hmm.
07:51 So our standard is going to be 20%,
07:53 and not to be an asshole,
07:54 but I'm kind of a celebrity.
07:56 I don't have an ego about it, but--
07:58 You are a celebrity.
07:59 I'm well enough known that it would be an issue--
08:02 you know what so-and-so gave me?
08:04 So for me, it's not up to me.
08:06 Even when I have bad service now,
08:08 I will tip more than 20%
08:10 just because my thing is don't leave anybody with a story.
08:14 How was he? Nice guy. End of story.
08:17 How was he? Cheap--a shitty tipper.
08:19 Uh-oh, now we have a story, right?
08:21 Yeah.
08:22 But then that waiter might tell on themselves,
08:24 or then it becomes his girlfriend's a bitch
08:27 or whatever, right?
08:28 Yeah.
08:29 But so, yeah, you know, something--
08:30 that's not a major issue.
08:31 It's like, no, we're going to leave 22% minimum, right?
08:35 Yeah.
08:36 Now, if she has a problem with that,
08:37 then that means that we have something to talk about, right?
08:40 Right.
08:41 And so then we have to get to the bottom of what her issue is.
08:43 Now, if she wants to be controlling and telling me
08:45 what I can do in terms of my money,
08:47 well, that's just not something that's negotiable.
08:50 Yeah.
08:51 Right? Yeah.
08:52 So when you go on a date with someone,
08:53 you really like to dive in and find out--
08:55 it sounds like you dig,
08:56 and you try to get to who someone really is.
08:58 Well, I think I have a good sense of who a person is anyway.
09:02 It doesn't take too long to figure out
09:04 who a person really is.
09:05 They're either nice or they're not.
09:07 Yeah.
09:08 Or they're needy or they're not.
09:09 Or there's something wrong or there isn't.
09:11 We're going to know that within the first--
09:13 really, first 48 hours.
09:15 Yeah.
09:16 Yeah.
09:17 What's your favorite drink of choice?
09:19 Sparkling water.
09:20 Do you drink alcohol at all?
09:22 I used to.
09:23 How long have you been sober?
09:24 About a year.
09:25 Yeah?
09:26 Are you feeling good?
09:28 Oh, yeah.
09:29 Oh, it's the best choice.
09:30 I don't have a choice.
09:31 I started drinking when I was 10.
09:32 What?
09:33 From an Irish Catholic family.
09:34 Oh, my goodness.
09:35 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
09:36 It's been an issue for a very long time.
09:38 Did you have a good relationship with your mom and dad?
09:41 Um...
09:43 I had a relationship with myself
09:45 where I decided I was going to make a move
09:48 away from the family for whatever reason.
09:51 Um...
09:53 I realized very early on that this is not the life for me,
09:57 living in the small town of Missouri
09:59 with my brothers and sisters and my parents.
10:01 It just didn't fit.
10:02 Like I was talking about earlier with software,
10:04 I'm like, "This doesn't work for me."
10:05 Yeah.
10:06 So I made the decision very early,
10:08 like, "I'm going to leave."
10:09 So as odd as it sounds,
10:11 I kind of decided, like,
10:13 "Hey, we're not getting any closer."
10:15 Yeah.
10:16 And part of that is my mother had three kids in three years,
10:20 and I think she was very overwhelmed when I came along.
10:23 And when I came along, I'm assuming I was a lot,
10:26 because I am.
10:27 Yeah.
10:28 I'm too much, as you can well tell already.
10:30 No, you're not!
10:31 Well, in a way, I am.
10:32 So here comes--
10:33 First kid, he was a little bit sick,
10:35 and then the next one and the next one.
10:37 I think by the time I came along,
10:38 she was completely overwhelmed.
10:40 My dad had a new business.
10:41 She was helping with the books and the business
10:43 and all this other stuff.
10:44 She was kind of alone, and I think it was too much.
10:47 And so it's safe to say that I didn't get what I needed.
10:50 Right.
10:51 And after a certain time of not getting what you need,
10:53 and you recognize that at an early age,
10:55 you're like, "Well, then I'm not going to stay here
10:57 and not get what I need."
10:58 Yeah.
10:59 Yeah.
11:00 So you kind of go out on your own.
11:03 That was a very long explanation to a very simple question,
11:07 because I was avoiding the truth,
11:09 which is not really.
11:10 You don't have to self-examine yourself.
11:12 I don't think I have a choice.
11:13 I will examine you for you.
11:15 All right.
11:17 That relieves me of my responsibility.
11:18 Okay.
11:20 Hey there, lovely ladies.
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12:56 How long-- did you ever-- you introduced your wife to your parents.
13:00 - Oh, yeah. - Your ex-wife, I'm sorry.
13:02 - Yes. - How long into dating her
13:05 did you introduce her to your parents?
13:08 Here's the weird part.
13:09 They met her parents before they met her.
13:15 So she's from Kansas City. I'm from a small town in Missouri.
13:18 We met on an airplane leaving Kansas City going out to LA.
13:21 She'd been living in LA. I just got there six months prior.
13:24 So then we hit it off right away,
13:26 and then we kind of insisted you guys--
13:30 our parents should meet and have dinner.
13:32 Now, my parents aren't forthright enough to go,
13:36 "What the fuck is going on?"
13:38 They just said, "Well, that was interesting."
13:40 I thought they just felt like they didn't know what to do,
13:43 how to negotiate this,
13:44 because we don't know why we're meeting each other.
13:46 - Right. - But as it turns out,
13:48 you know, in the long run, a lot of red flags that I just--
13:52 - Yeah. - Let fall.
13:54 Well, how long into the relationship,
13:56 or a relationship, do you feel it's safe to say, "I love you"?
13:59 Any relationship?
14:00 When you're dating someone and you're falling for them,
14:03 how long, in general, do you think--
14:06 - If you're being honest with yourself? - Yeah.
14:08 And, I mean, truly honest with yourself,
14:11 and you're not trying to manipulate anything.
14:14 So you're only doing it as a matter of an honest feeling,
14:19 and you have a good sense
14:21 that other person might feel a certain acceptance, too,
14:25 than I think whenever it's real.
14:27 Now, what do you mean by love, right?
14:29 That's the other thing.
14:30 - Because there's infatuation. - Right.
14:33 Right. Love's an idea.
14:35 I always say love is loyalty to long-term kindness.
14:39 So love takes a long time to actually achieve, in my book.
14:42 - Yeah. - Right?
14:43 So you can be together for a long time,
14:45 say you're in love, and then what's that mean?
14:47 That means the ability to then explore each other's,
14:50 you know, difficulties and foibles,
14:53 and get through it in a communicative way
14:54 where we both go, "Okay, I know you're triggered.
14:57 "I was triggered. Whatever. Let's talk this through.
14:59 "We have great communication."
15:00 That equals love in the long term.
15:01 Now, in the short term, I can be in love
15:03 with everything about this person,
15:05 and I hope it develops to a deeper,
15:08 truer understanding of, you know, our coupling.
15:10 Yeah. How long do you wait until you feel like
15:14 you can burp in front of someone you're dating?
15:16 I probably wouldn't--
15:17 I probably wouldn't be present enough to try to not burp.
15:21 Say that again.
15:23 I wouldn't be present enough-- present enough to--
15:26 - I see. - Avoid burping.
15:27 I'd probably just naturally let it happen.
15:29 - It would just come out. - Yeah.
15:31 You're going to burp. Who cares?
15:33 What about farting?
15:34 Farting would be delicate.
15:36 Depends on if you're--
15:37 Well, you know, if you can't help it,
15:39 you've got flatulence, we all do.
15:41 But where's the situation?
15:42 If you're in the car for the first time,
15:44 like, dear God, right?
15:45 Or if you're sleeping together for the first time,
15:48 uh-oh, you know, that's--
15:50 that's something to be really considered.
15:52 - Yeah. - Yeah.
15:53 And then you know what?
15:54 You should be able-- say for instance,
15:55 go like, I had to pass gas, I'm going to run to the bathroom.
15:58 Rather than trying to sneak a bomb
16:00 and you hope the mattress absorbs it.
16:02 Probably not going to.
16:04 You just hold the blankets down.
16:06 Try to keep it all Dutch ovened.
16:08 Right, and hold the blanket down here on her side.
16:11 And hold her and hopefully just wafts out that way.
16:14 But you don't know.
16:15 So you're better off just going, you know what?
16:17 I'm going to excuse myself and run down the hall
16:19 or the bathroom, whatever's closer.
16:21 - Yeah. - Yeah.
16:22 Why not be practical?
16:24 Well, what if you have like a series of them?
16:27 You can't just keep getting up and going.
16:29 Well, then you should probably spend some time in the bathroom.
16:31 Like, that's a signal that you have an extended run going, right?
16:36 [laughter]
16:39 That is true.
16:41 How cold do you sleep?
16:42 Do you like it cold in your room when you sleep?
16:44 No, I like it perfect.
16:46 What's perfect?
16:48 About 77, 76.
16:50 You need colder?
16:52 Oh, yeah.
16:53 Okay, well, whatever you need.
16:55 I don't have a demand.
16:56 Look, if I can control the level of blankets I have on me--
17:00 Yeah.
17:01 --right?
17:02 Do you sleep with a lot of blankets?
17:03 Yeah, I like it--
17:04 At 77?
17:05 Well, probably 76.
17:08 We're in the time of global warming,
17:09 so we all have to be conscious about how low we burn,
17:12 how much we burn every night.
17:14 Typically, like I'm in hotels all the time.
17:16 And you know what?
17:17 74 is too cold for me.
17:18 I'm around 75.
17:20 We are not a match.
17:21 Not in the--
17:23 As long as you're wafting the farts
17:24 and I don't have to have any covers on top of me.
17:26 I'm in the bathroom.
17:27 So do you like no covers?
17:29 Oh, no.
17:30 I like it to be so cold in the room
17:33 and like a fluffy blanket on top of me.
17:35 Okay.
17:36 I like a sheet and a comforter being enough
17:40 and not being cold if that was pulled off a little bit.
17:42 Yeah.
17:43 I do like to get snug in the covers.
17:47 But not so much because I'm freezing.
17:50 So you like it like at 72.
17:53 Colder?
17:55 69?
17:57 68?
17:59 67?
18:01 66?
18:02 65?
18:03 That's the warmest I can go.
18:06 So your bedroom at night is turned down to 65.
18:09 At least.
18:10 Okay.
18:11 Have you considered those cold sheets?
18:14 Those are advertised.
18:15 No, I don't like them.
18:16 They make me feel like I'm wet.
18:18 Okay.
18:19 So you've tried them?
18:20 I have tried them.
18:21 I've also tried sleeping on one of the beds
18:22 where it even gets cold
18:23 and then that just feels like you're either
18:24 sleeping inside of a menthol mint or in a puddle.
18:28 And your fellow's fine with this?
18:30 Yeah, he's the same way.
18:31 I mean, he bitches a little bit.
18:33 He's like, "Oh my God, it's so cold."
18:35 Is that an accurate impression of him?
18:37 He's an old Jewish woman?
18:40 He would be mortified if he saw that.
18:42 That's good.
18:43 But no, he's more like, "It's too cold in here."
18:45 It's better that that's a bad impression of him.
18:48 And then every time that I wake up,
18:50 I have to turn it back to 70.
18:51 Okay.
18:52 In the morning.
18:53 But the house is always-
18:54 The whole house.
18:55 Is 70.
18:56 All the time.
18:57 Yeah, and then I get to turn it down five degrees for bed.
18:59 Wow.
19:00 You can't make it just the one room?
19:02 No, it's a pretty small apartment.
19:05 Okay.
19:06 Well, it's your life.
19:07 You do what you want.
19:09 That's pretty cold.
19:10 That's pretty cold.
19:11 Yeah.
19:12 Yeah.
19:13 Well, you know that they say that cold air,
19:16 like freezing cold air is like cryotherapy,
19:19 is good for you.
19:20 Are you trying to convince me of this?
19:21 It's good for your circulation.
19:22 Okay.
19:23 Yeah, not just powering that all night long.
19:24 No, just give it up.
19:25 You put your face in cold water for a full minute in the morning,
19:28 it's supposed to be as good as like an ice bath.
19:31 No.
19:32 Okay.
19:33 You have your theory.
19:34 Here's the thing.
19:35 So do you guys cuddle when you're sleeping?
19:38 No.
19:39 Because it's too hot.
19:40 Yeah.
19:41 I'm also just not a cuddler.
19:43 Oh, deal breaker.
19:45 You can't give me the first red flag.
19:48 Okay, I'm not.
19:49 I'm just saying for me.
19:50 That's a red flag.
19:52 I'd love to hug.
19:53 I like to hug.
19:55 But you don't like to cuddle.
19:57 I mean, what's the point of cuddling?
20:01 Just nothing better than closeness.
20:03 I feel like I'm recharging my battery with my person.
20:07 So see, this is where in a relationship we would compromise.
20:10 We'd make it really cold so that I would need to cuddle with you
20:14 to keep you warm.
20:16 Then I have a reason.
20:18 So if you're the cuddler, you're fine, but not being cuddled.
20:22 So if you're cuddling your guy, is that better?
20:25 I think I'd rather be the big spoon.
20:26 Okay.
20:27 Alright.
20:28 Well, now do you like to hold hands while you're sleeping?
20:31 What?
20:32 Are you serious?
20:33 I've never heard of that.
20:37 You've never held hands while you're sleeping?
20:40 Okay, hold my hand.
20:41 So you're talking about going to sleep, we're sleeping,
20:45 and you fall asleep like this?
20:47 Or waking up in the middle of the night and you find yourself like that?
20:51 Or like that?
20:53 No?
20:54 Oh my God, there's nothing better.
20:56 So rather than cuddling, just holding your person's hand at night?
21:00 I've woken up holding someone's dick.
21:02 Okay, whatever you like, whatever your comfort level is.
21:05 But now I am?
21:07 That seems to be a signal though that you might be wanting to have some intimate times.
21:12 Intimate.
21:13 Right?
21:14 So that's what you were wanting, you were signaling, this thing now, make it work.
21:19 Dip me now.
21:20 Make it go now.
21:21 No, I love touch, you know, and cuddling.
21:26 Is physical touch your love language?
21:28 Probably, one of them.
21:30 You're allowed more than one, as you know.
21:32 You are?
21:33 Yeah, yeah.
21:34 You can have all five if you want.
21:36 I don't need all five, I don't need compliments.
21:38 You do need...
21:39 Words of affirmation, mix that one.
21:41 Bye bye.
21:42 You don't like that or you do?
21:44 I like all of them.
21:45 Yeah.
21:46 I think it's important that couples do read that book and go through it,
21:49 just because what you have to do is find out what bothers the other person
21:54 and talk about it in a neutral way.
21:56 That's the only way you're going to get through it.
21:58 Because once something bothers you, right,
22:00 if you don't talk about it, it's just going to sit there.
22:03 Yeah.
22:04 And it's going to get worse.
22:05 Yeah.
22:06 So anything that triggers you, you should be able to go,
22:08 "By the way, that bothered me."
22:09 Now, the other person's response, hopefully, is,
22:11 "Thank you for telling me that," rather than, "What's your problem?"
22:14 Right.
22:15 Because if they say, "What's your problem?"
22:16 Now it's a bigger problem.
22:17 So I'm defensive, I can't talk about these little things.
22:20 Like, I need as much communication as possible.
22:23 But I'm older, so I've been through relationships,
22:25 and so I'm looking for a more open field in terms of, like, you know, growing.
22:31 Yeah.
22:32 Not said as well as I wanted to, but you get the point.
22:35 Yeah.
22:36 Do you sleep with pajamas on?
22:38 No.
22:39 I sleep with shorts, or just underwear.
22:41 Yeah.
22:42 And a top.
22:43 So you sleep with pajamas on?
22:45 No.
22:46 I'll wear a T-shirt and shorts.
22:48 You know, if my kids are there, right,
22:50 then I wear shorts in case I have to do something in the night.
22:53 You don't want to stop, put shorts on, then go take care of the robber,
22:57 or whatever might be the issue.
22:59 The robber?
23:00 I'm kidding.
23:01 Or whatever they might need.
23:02 You know, so you've got to be prepared for your family.
23:05 Yeah.
23:06 Right, yeah.
23:07 I think it's cute that you hold hands when you sleep, though.
23:09 I love it.
23:10 I think that's cute.
23:11 I've never heard of it, but that is really cute.
23:12 Really?
23:13 Yeah.
23:14 Oh, God, I love waking up and noticing that we're holding hands.
23:16 That is so--
23:17 Yeah.
23:18 Do you make a conscious effort to do that?
23:19 I'm sure, yeah, absolutely.
23:21 Yeah.
23:22 That is really cute.
23:23 Yeah.
23:24 I love that.
23:25 No one's ever held my hand in my sleep.
23:27 How many serious relationships have you had?
23:30 Serious?
23:31 Probably under 10.
23:32 That's a lot.
23:34 Yeah.
23:35 When did you get married?
23:36 I got married when I was 33.
23:38 I guess that's actually a really good thing, that you really had some serious relationships
23:44 before--
23:45 I could have used more, because, I mean, no, in the long run, it wasn't right.
23:49 Yeah?
23:50 Yeah.
23:51 But how long were you married for?
23:52 24 years.
23:53 But I moved out at 21.
23:55 Mm-hmm.
23:56 Yeah.
23:57 And it had been unhappy for a while.
24:00 Do you have any tattoos?
24:01 Yes.
24:02 What do you have?
24:03 I have a tattoo here of my kids.
24:07 And it used to have my-- it had my ex-wife's name there, too.
24:12 And then so I got a cover-up, and it wasn't that good.
24:15 And so I realized I should have done something different, but I'm impetuous.
24:18 And so I just kind of went, oh, this.
24:20 And then it just looks like an ugly mistake surrounded by my kids' names.
24:25 Oh, no.
24:26 Oh, yeah.
24:27 So that's fine.
24:28 Is that the only tattoo that you have?
24:29 Uh-huh.
24:30 I have one tattoo.
24:31 What is it?
24:32 I have a kiss on my left butt cheek.
24:33 OK.
24:34 And it--
24:35 Is it fully colored in?
24:36 Is it the--
24:37 It looks just like a lip print.
24:38 OK.
24:39 So it's a red--
24:40 Is it your lip?
24:41 It is my lip.
24:42 OK, nice.
24:43 I wanted my mom to kiss a piece of paper, because when I was little, she'd always kiss
24:44 me on the cheek.
24:45 And I'd be like-- and I would always remember her red lipstick.
24:46 I'd be like, ew, mom, don't do that.
24:47 But then as you get older, you kind of miss those little things.
24:48 Right.
24:49 So my mom would always give me a kiss on the cheek.
24:50 That's great.
24:51 And then I was like, will you kiss this piece of paper?
24:52 And she was like, of course.
24:53 What's it for?
24:54 And I'm like, I'm going to get a tattoo.
24:55 She's like, oh, where?
24:56 And I'm like, on my butt.
24:57 And she's like, no.
24:58 Oh, OK.
24:59 She's like, I'm not going to go down in history as the one who kissed your ass forever.
25:00 And I was like, that's not what it is.
25:01 Oh, nice.
25:02 But it's her choice to decide.
25:03 But then it kind of became that.
25:04 Yeah.
25:05 But it was my own lips.
25:06 That's it.
25:07 The deen egg is there.
25:08 Yeah.
25:09 Yeah.
25:10 Do you think that people who are not born with a tattoo, they're not born with a tattoo?
25:11 I think that's a good question.
25:32 I think that's a good question.
25:56 I think that's part of the joy, the thrill of it, is that we're just committing to this
25:59 thing without overthinking it.
26:03 Has a one night stand ever led to more?
26:05 I'm sure it has.
26:08 Not in recent memory.
26:09 Do you think you can take a girl seriously if she has sex with you on the first night?
26:13 Of course.
26:14 Really?
26:15 Why not?
26:16 I don't know.
26:17 I guess I'm just programmed to believe that you have to hold out.
26:18 Right.
26:19 That's not true.
26:20 Everybody gets to do what they want.
26:21 That's true.
26:22 You know?
26:23 And you could be the one person.
26:25 So yeah, who cares?
26:27 There's no value in judging somebody before you know them and going, "Is this a pattern?"
26:33 What if that pattern stopped with you?
26:36 That's true.
26:37 Right?
26:38 Yeah.
26:39 So what if you're the one that they needed to find?
26:41 And you could go, "Yeah, I did all this."
26:43 We all have a history.
26:44 So there's no, don't ever judge somebody for having multiple partners or whatever.
26:51 It's all part of it.
26:52 Do you believe you can have too much sex?
26:56 Not that I know of.
26:59 I mean, there are people that have extraordinarily high libido that might need servicing in a
27:05 way that could be a problem.
27:07 But I don't, I've never run into that.
27:10 Yeah.
27:11 Yeah.
27:12 Let's say you've been with someone for six to 12 months and you're horny.
27:18 How do you initiate sex when it's been too long that you've been dating?
27:23 You mean you both have stopped having sex?
27:26 You haven't had sex yet.
27:28 In six months?
27:29 Yeah.
27:30 There's got to be a reason.
27:38 Are you healed yet?
27:42 I can't think of a situation in recent memory or in the last whenever that you'd be dating
27:50 six months and not have sex.
27:52 There's a lot to unpack there.
27:53 Some people are intimidated.
27:55 That's fine.
27:56 But then that might be a red flag.
27:58 Like, "Well, I don't need to take that long."
28:00 And here's the thing.
28:01 Then you'd have to say, "Have you ever taken?"
28:04 Is that always the standard?
28:05 It always has to be six months?
28:06 Has it ever been a one night stand or not?
28:09 So to me, that gets complicated.
28:11 So why are you making me wait and you were ... Either one of you banging it out earlier.
28:17 I'm with you.
28:18 I am in agreeance with you.
28:21 If I like someone ... I mean, don't ... And you have chemistry.
28:24 All your alarms are going off.
28:25 Right.
28:26 You want to get that deeper level of connection.
28:28 Yeah.
28:29 I don't know how you keep hands off in that situation.
28:31 Nope.
28:32 Well, we're going to move on to my dessert question.
28:34 Very good.
28:36 I will give you a choice between one and five.
28:40 You pick the number.
28:43 Oh, three.
28:45 What is the most romantic date you've ever planned?
28:50 Most romantic date I've ever planned.
28:51 I asked that like, "Who wants to be a millionaire?"
28:54 Oh, yeah.
28:55 Yeah.
28:56 That's a good one.
28:57 Regis Philbin.
28:58 Most romantic date I ever planned.
29:00 Probably when I asked my wife to marry.
29:04 We were going to Kansas City Chiefs Buffalo Bills game and I proposed to her that morning.
29:09 So the date would have been the Chiefs game.
29:11 And then I overdid it.
29:15 So she'd had this dream.
29:16 Sorry, this is a long story.
29:17 She'd had this dream a couple months earlier that I proposed to her in a clown outfit.
29:22 So we were in Kansas City at her parents' house.
29:25 Hold on.
29:26 And I borrowed a clown outfit from my brother and then I put ... We met on an airplane, so
29:30 I put her ring on an airplane.
29:32 I blew up a balloon and put the airplane inside there, filled it with roses.
29:36 And then I brought this ... I woke her up that morning with a balloon and the ring and
29:40 the airplane and I put rose petals in there and I had a rose and I had her pop the balloon
29:46 so the roses came out.
29:47 Pretty good, right?
29:49 And then I asked her to marry me.
29:50 Wow.
29:51 And then we went to the Chiefs game.
29:56 That is amazing.
29:57 Yep.
29:58 I love that for you.
29:59 I'm so glad it happened.
30:00 I love that.
30:01 I love that for you.
30:06 I adore my five kids.
30:08 I adore my five kids.
30:09 I do.
30:10 I love them so much.
30:14 You are amazing.
30:15 I'm pass/fail, really.
30:17 This was really fun.
30:18 Good.
30:19 Thank you.
30:20 Thank you for spilling your heart out to me.
30:23 It's easy to do.
30:24 Thank you.
30:25 Very good.
30:26 Thank you for having me.
30:27 I appreciate that.
30:28 Of course.
30:29 Where can people find you?
30:31 DavidKechner.com.
30:32 K-O-E-C-H-N-E-R.
30:34 Same @DavidKechner on Instagram.
30:37 So I'm touring the rest of the year.
30:39 All the information is there in some type of link tree.
30:42 Link tree.
30:43 Yeah, I like link tree.
30:44 Do you have TikTok?
30:45 I do, but I don't.
30:46 We got to get you on TikTok.
30:49 Why?
30:50 Why?
30:51 Because if you're promoting and you're into videos.
30:54 I don't give a shit.
30:55 I know.
30:56 It's terrible.
30:57 And you have to do something new all the time.
30:59 You can't just post something.
31:01 You have to actually do original material, right?
31:04 Which bothers me.
31:05 Maybe that's what I should do.
31:08 That's what I should do.
31:10 This bothers me that I have to.
31:11 Okay.
31:12 Maybe that's the thing.
31:13 Oh, this is a chore and I don't want to do it.
31:16 Then I got to find out a reason to do this.
31:18 Maybe people could submit questions or something like that.
31:21 That would work.
31:22 Okay, good.
31:23 Good, good, good.
31:24 So I have to have a reason to do it.
31:25 Because me just wanted cloyingly saying, "Please look at me."
31:28 Bothers me.
31:29 Okay.
31:30 Thank you for this piece of advice.
31:31 That's why I had to come here today.
31:32 That's what I'm here for.
31:33 Yep.
31:34 Thank you.
31:35 Anytime.
31:36 All right.
31:37 All right, David.
31:38 Very good.
31:39 We'll see you next time.
31:40 And you guys, thanks for tuning in.
31:41 Bye.
31:42 First date, baby.
31:43 Are you really drinking a glass of milk with dinner?
31:44 First date.
31:45 I can't wait.
31:46 You told your mom about me?
31:47 Just say you're ready.
31:48 Delete my number.
31:49 First date.
31:50 Your parents are your roommates?
31:50 First date.
31:51 First date.
31:52 First date.
31:53 Your parents are your roommates?
31:54 First date.
31:54 First date.
31:55 First date.
31:56 First date.
32:00 (upbeat music)
32:03 (glass shattering)