Sam and Janet -SD
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TVTranscript
00:00:00 [MUSIC]
00:00:10 My parents always told me to try and help people.
00:00:28 I figured the best way to do that was to become Superman.
00:00:31 I found out early on that wasn't gonna happen.
00:00:34 So I went to college, got married, and
00:00:35 became a middle school counselor in Oklahoma City.
00:00:38 The job worked, the marriage didn't.
00:00:40 Let me give you some advice from a counselor.
00:00:44 If you're gonna get married,
00:00:44 you need to be able to leap tall buildings in a single bound.
00:00:47 Maybe that's what she was looking for.
00:00:49 I was just never able to make the Superman thing happen.
00:00:53 [MUSIC]
00:01:03 [MUSIC]
00:01:13 [MUSIC]
00:01:23 [MUSIC]
00:01:33 [MUSIC]
00:01:58 [MUSIC]
00:02:08 The floor's granted.
00:02:19 [MUSIC]
00:02:29 [MUSIC]
00:02:39 [MUSIC]
00:02:59 [MUSIC]
00:03:09 [MUSIC]
00:03:27 [MUSIC]
00:03:52 [MUSIC]
00:04:02 Let me put this in terms you can understand.
00:04:05 More sex.
00:04:08 >> You probably still have some ass before your marriage toward the freezer.
00:04:11 >> Yeah, just thought out.
00:04:13 That's what I'd do.
00:04:15 If I had any ass in the freezer,
00:04:16 take a look around you at all the hot chicks in here.
00:04:19 You work at a school?
00:04:20 I'll be at a public school.
00:04:21 Do the math.
00:04:22 It's like a chick buffet.
00:04:24 You got your white meat, your dark meat, lots of protein.
00:04:28 Evan, it's clear our boy here doesn't like the menu.
00:04:33 We're gonna have to go to a nicer buffet.
00:04:36 Perhaps a smorgasbord?
00:04:39 >> Different species.
00:04:40 >> No. >> All you can eat.
00:04:42 >> No.
00:04:43 >> Hey, no.
00:04:44 >> Come on, get out of here.
00:04:45 Go see the dancer.
00:04:46 >> Yeah, make it soul number one.
00:04:49 >> No.
00:04:50 >> Gentlemen, we have a special guest with us tonight.
00:04:54 He's just finalized his divorce.
00:04:57 Let's hear it for Sam Evans.
00:05:00 And what do you expect from Sam?
00:05:04 >> Bounce up.
00:05:05 >> Don't be ashamed.
00:05:07 Cuz big bottom girl got all the game.
00:05:09 Bounce up.
00:05:10 >> Thank you guys.
00:05:11 >> They call her double bubble.
00:05:12 >> Thank you.
00:05:12 >> Well, double bubble, I might be in trouble.
00:05:14 Bounce up.
00:05:16 That's the name of the game.
00:05:18 I'm Sam, you- >> I'm never getting married again.
00:05:22 [MUSIC]
00:05:27 [SOUND]
00:05:34 [SOUND]
00:05:38 >> I have a really good picture of when she would try it.
00:05:40 >> What did you suggest?
00:05:42 >> I told his cheating ass to shut the hell up, he was gonna wake up the baby.
00:05:45 He called me a bitch, yeah.
00:05:48 >> I know, I went upside his head with my fist.
00:05:51 Yeah, I know, if he wants that bitch, he can have her.
00:05:54 You know, hang on just a second.
00:05:58 Hi, would you guys like smoking or not?
00:06:00 >> Not. >> Okay.
00:06:01 So you're Dustin's girlfriend?
00:06:03 Yeah, how'd you know?
00:06:04 >> You guys know each other?
00:06:06 >> He told me where you worked.
00:06:08 I can see why he kicked your ass out.
00:06:10 >> Obviously.
00:06:11 >> And another thing, if you wanna call me a bitch, then say it to my face.
00:06:15 >> Here we go.
00:06:16 >> Get off of me, stupid.
00:06:19 Get off.
00:06:22 Get off.
00:06:24 >> You guys are dead.
00:06:25 [MUSIC]
00:06:35 >> This one I better go.
00:06:43 [MUSIC]
00:06:45 >> I'll never go to a bar with a guy on a date on a Saturday.
00:06:52 If you go to a crowded bar on a Saturday and there's a cuter guy there, total upgrade.
00:06:58 >> I dated a baseball player once.
00:07:00 >> Lipo or vacation.
00:07:03 >> His name's Clint.
00:07:04 >> My ex-boyfriend thought I was psycho.
00:07:05 >> Back that, you know.
00:07:09 >> And then the upgrade's gonna peg me with having this loser boyfriend.
00:07:13 >> Started dating a guy named Richard, who I had dated before I dated Clint.
00:07:17 >> Truth is, all girls are psycho.
00:07:19 >> Ass.
00:07:20 [MUSIC]
00:07:22 >> My ex-boyfriend, Russ, who I had dated before any of these guys except for Adam.
00:07:27 >> Drive by your house late at night.
00:07:29 >> So I just go on first dates on Sundays.
00:07:31 >> If I get lipo, it's gonna take away all my vacation money.
00:07:34 [MUSIC]
00:07:35 >> I was dating somebody when I met him.
00:07:38 >> Who was I dating when I met him?
00:07:39 >> Log on to internet for your profile.
00:07:42 >> But I'm not going to go on vacation without lipo.
00:07:44 [MUSIC]
00:07:45 >> Every time I saw him, he had a different girl around, but I'm not like that.
00:07:48 >> Ew.
00:07:49 [LAUGH]
00:07:50 [MUSIC]
00:07:53 >> Have you seen the dessert menu?
00:07:55 >> That way, if the guy turns out to be a total geek, I can so get out of it earlier.
00:07:59 You can always do the whole, God, I have to get up and go to work early tomorrow.
00:08:03 That routine.
00:08:05 >> Yeah.
00:08:06 >> All I'm trying to say is, if you need an upgrade, it's just meant to be.
00:08:10 >> You believe in destiny, don't you, Sam?
00:08:12 >> Yeah, yeah, I do.
00:08:14 Well, we better run.
00:08:15 I got to get up for work early tomorrow.
00:08:18 You know how Mondays can be.
00:08:20 [MUSIC]
00:08:27 >> Oh, hi, Sam.
00:08:29 >> Hey, Sharon.
00:08:30 >> How are you?
00:08:33 >> I'm good.
00:08:35 >> Oh, good.
00:08:37 >> Yeah, I have a student, so I'm going to-
00:08:41 >> Oh, right, yeah, I've got to teach class.
00:08:44 Listen, maybe I'll see you in the teacher's lounge later.
00:08:49 See how this one's taller than this one?
00:08:51 I hate that.
00:08:52 That's why I wear this one, the whole horizontal thing.
00:08:54 It makes it look shorter, don't you think?
00:08:56 And this one is seasonal, because the iguana comes out in the summer.
00:09:00 And this one-
00:09:01 [MUSIC]
00:09:08 >> Hi, Sam.
00:09:09 >> How are you?
00:09:10 >> Good.
00:09:11 >> You're good to go, my friend.
00:09:12 >> Thank you, sir.
00:09:13 >> Have a good workout.
00:09:14 [MUSIC]
00:09:38 >> Need a spot?
00:09:40 >> Thanks.
00:09:42 >> No problem.
00:09:44 [MUSIC]
00:09:55 [MUSIC]
00:10:05 [MUSIC]
00:10:17 >> Need a spot?
00:10:18 [MUSIC]
00:10:23 >> This is the Cat, it's the Rick and Brad Morning Show 726.
00:10:25 We've got tickets to the sold-out Molly's Yes Show at the Bricktown Brewery next month.
00:10:29 We'll let you know when to call in to win.
00:10:30 Here's Molly's Yes Now on the Cat.
00:10:35 >> Mr. Eadney?
00:10:36 >> Yeah.
00:10:39 Hey, Darian, Melanie.
00:10:42 >> What's wrong with the water treatment?
00:10:45 >> It's just getting a drink.
00:10:48 >> Well, I'll see you later.
00:10:50 >> I know today's not a regular session, but can I talk to you about boys?
00:10:54 All boys want to have sex.
00:10:56 I walk down the hall and I just like--
00:10:57 >> Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
00:10:58 What boys?
00:10:59 >> All of them.
00:11:01 I want boys to like me and stuff, but I don't think I should have sex until I'm--
00:11:04 >> You're older.
00:11:06 >> No, until I'm in love, you know, really in love with someone.
00:11:11 >> Well, I think that sounds like a good idea.
00:11:15 >> But they don't care about love.
00:11:17 They're missing out on the greatest feeling in life.
00:11:20 That's why I think they're stupid.
00:11:24 >> Well, I'm not going to argue with you there.
00:11:28 Look, I'll tell you what.
00:11:29 Will you do me a favor?
00:11:31 Will you come talk to me before you fall in love?
00:11:34 >> I can't.
00:11:35 I won't know.
00:11:37 It just happens.
00:11:38 >> Right, but if you start feeling like it's happening, will you come talk to me?
00:11:44 >> Mr. Eadney, don't be stupid.
00:11:46 I'm not old enough to fall in love.
00:11:48 I have to go to class.
00:11:49 Thanks for talking to me again.
00:11:51 >> Okay, well, hey, my door's open any time, so come by.
00:11:56 And hey, don't listen to what those boys say.
00:11:59 Boys are--they're stupid.
00:12:03 [wind howling]
00:12:05 [rain falling]
00:12:14 >> Take care, okay?
00:12:16 >> Bye.
00:12:17 >> Bye.
00:12:19 [rain falling]
00:12:32 [band playing]
00:12:40 >> Great band.
00:12:42 [band playing]
00:12:51 >> You going to the concert?
00:12:53 >> You're going?
00:12:54 Take care.
00:12:55 [band playing]
00:13:01 >> Hey.
00:13:03 [band playing]
00:13:09 >> Most magazines recommend 100 grams of protein a day.
00:13:12 I personally like to take in about 200 grams before noon,
00:13:16 because I don't know where my next bar of shakes is going to come from,
00:13:18 and I've got to stay up until 1030.
00:13:20 Now, the reason--
00:13:21 >> Were you asking about Molly's "Yes"?
00:13:24 >> Uh, yeah.
00:13:25 Yeah, I love them.
00:13:26 >> Yeah, they're playing in Bricktown next month.
00:13:28 >> I heard on the radio.
00:13:30 >> You going?
00:13:31 >> Sold out.
00:13:33 I'm Sam.
00:13:35 Evening.
00:13:36 >> Evening.
00:13:37 >> No, evening is--it's my last name.
00:13:38 >> No, it's just a joke.
00:13:40 Sorry.
00:13:41 I'm Janet Clark.
00:13:42 I've actually heard about you.
00:13:44 >> Really?
00:13:45 >> A girl in aerobics class pointed you out the other day.
00:13:47 >> Who?
00:13:48 >> Her name was April.
00:13:50 >> Oh, April.
00:13:51 Yeah.
00:13:52 >> Yeah.
00:13:53 I don't know her.
00:13:54 She was just next to me and started talking.
00:13:55 >> April.
00:13:56 Talking.
00:13:57 >> She said you two went out a couple of Sundays ago.
00:13:59 Girlfriend?
00:14:00 >> No, no, it was just a date.
00:14:02 A Sunday date.
00:14:03 You know, the kind you can get out of if you have to.
00:14:05 >> I've been on a few of those.
00:14:07 >> Well, I should get going, so...
00:14:09 >> Yeah, me too.
00:14:10 It was nice meeting you, though.
00:14:11 >> Yeah, you too.
00:14:13 [music]
00:14:23 >> So how goes the hunt?
00:14:25 >> Who's hunting?
00:14:26 >> Sam.
00:14:27 >> Sam saw a lovely doe at the gym today.
00:14:29 He hasn't quite been able to strap to the hood of his car yet.
00:14:33 >> Uh-oh.
00:14:34 >> No.
00:14:35 >> Shields are down.
00:14:36 >> What?
00:14:37 >> Parker, have you been bird-dogging for Sam down at the gym again?
00:14:40 >> I spot him, go up, sniff around him, then point at him like a setter.
00:14:47 So Sam, who's the girl?
00:14:49 >> She's different.
00:14:50 >> She's a chick.
00:14:51 >> No, no, no.
00:14:52 She's different.
00:14:53 He got nervous.
00:14:55 >> Nervous?
00:14:56 >> I don't know.
00:14:57 Something.
00:14:58 >> She snuck up behind him.
00:14:59 He wasn't planning on engaging the enemy quite yet.
00:15:01 Just some reconnaissance.
00:15:03 >> Stealth attack.
00:15:04 Very similar to the old Klingon cloaking device.
00:15:06 >> Look, I talked to her for a second.
00:15:08 It was no big deal.
00:15:09 >> A wise man once said, when a man doesn't give details, he's hiding something.
00:15:14 >> Who said that?
00:15:16 >> Me.
00:15:18 >> She said she had to go before I did.
00:15:19 I was just about to say it, and then boom, she said it.
00:15:22 >> That's a hard one to master, when you say, "Got to go,"
00:15:25 because if you say, "Got to go," too quick, you're not getting enough information from her.
00:15:30 And she's going to think you're not interested in her.
00:15:33 >> If you wait just a little longer.
00:15:34 >> It's like baseball.
00:15:35 If you wait too long to swing so you can see what the pitch is, you're going to strike out every time.
00:15:41 >> You're smarter than Bob Costa.
00:15:43 >> Who are you, John Gray?
00:15:45 >> Who?
00:15:46 >> Who?
00:15:47 >> Who?
00:15:49 >> Books?
00:15:51 Mars, Venus?
00:15:53 Does anybody read?
00:15:55 >> All right, look, it's not like it matters, because I'm not ever going to talk to her again anyway, okay?
00:16:00 >> True.
00:16:01 >> Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:16:02 >> Never, ever, ever.
00:16:06 >> I was just about to say it.
00:16:10 >> Get away from me, freak.
00:16:12 >> Come on, Darian, you've been on that way too long.
00:16:15 How about a kiss?
00:16:16 >> The word "no" would get through that gel.
00:16:18 >> You're going to give it up one way or another.
00:16:20 >> Stop it, you oily perv.
00:16:21 >> Hey, ladies, men.
00:16:23 I think you're about due for an oil change, huh?
00:16:26 >> ♪ You are ice, I am fire ♪
00:16:32 ♪ You are ice, I am fire ♪
00:16:39 ♪ Why are you always waiting? ♪
00:16:43 ♪ I feel you hesitating ♪
00:16:46 ♪ You are ice, I am fire ♪
00:16:52 >> Okay.
00:16:53 >> ♪ I want to sing about it ♪
00:16:56 ♪ Show them ♪
00:16:58 >> What if on "Sing About It," we went up a third?
00:17:00 >> Okay, Natalie, can you do the hook for me one more time?
00:17:02 >> ♪ It's been around for a long time ♪
00:17:08 ♪ I want to shout it ♪
00:17:11 ♪ I want to sing about it ♪
00:17:14 ♪ Show them what we've done ♪
00:17:20 ♪ There's no one I'd rather ♪
00:17:24 ♪ Spend my days with ♪
00:17:27 >> Evan, that's -- that's that girl.
00:17:30 >> Londi from the gym.
00:17:32 >> Oh, that's her.
00:17:34 And her friend.
00:17:36 >> Wait, wait, wait, wait.
00:17:37 >> What?
00:17:38 >> Don't worry, I'm not going to make any sudden moves,
00:17:40 not until we know their strategy.
00:17:41 They might have their deflector shoes on.
00:17:42 >> I can't remember her name.
00:17:44 >> That's Janet.
00:17:45 She comes in here every now and then.
00:17:46 >> That's it, Janet.
00:17:48 >> Settle, settle.
00:17:51 >> Hey, you guys want some tater babies?
00:17:54 >> No, thanks, Park.
00:17:55 You go ahead.
00:17:56 >> Suit yourself.
00:17:57 >> Do we go over there?
00:17:59 >> Uh, no, we shouldn't go over there.
00:18:01 Set up a tractor beam, let them come to us.
00:18:04 >> Do what?
00:18:05 >> Take them some tater babies.
00:18:07 >> Oh, yeah, Park, that should attract them.
00:18:09 Hey, ladies, you look hungry.
00:18:10 How about some greasy, fattening, half-baked --
00:18:13 >> Hey, hey!
00:18:15 >> Or twice-baked.
00:18:16 >> Sorry.
00:18:17 >> Plus, baked potatoes are very healthy, Sam.
00:18:26 >> Hey, Sam Evening.
00:18:28 >> Hey, Janet.
00:18:33 >> Great.
00:18:34 First tractor beam.
00:18:37 >> Hey, come join us.
00:18:38 We just ordered some tater babies.
00:18:40 >> I love those.
00:18:41 >> Yeah, me too.
00:18:42 >> Uh, Janet, this is Evan.
00:18:44 He's a counselor with me.
00:18:45 >> Hey, Evan, nice to meet you.
00:18:47 >> Evan, this is Susan.
00:18:48 >> Hey.
00:18:49 >> And Susan, this is Sam.
00:18:50 >> Hey, Sam, evening.
00:18:51 >> Evening.
00:18:52 >> No, I was asking --
00:18:53 >> Oh, it's a joke.
00:18:54 Yeah, it's my last name.
00:18:56 >> Hey, you guys grab a seat.
00:18:58 Does your friend want to join us?
00:19:00 >> Uh, no.
00:19:01 >> So you guys are counselors, huh?
00:19:02 >> Yeah, yeah, we work with some really great kids over at Cherokee Hills Middle School.
00:19:06 >> Oh, that's great.
00:19:07 Shaping the minds of our youth.
00:19:09 >> Yeah, something like that.
00:19:11 How about you?
00:19:12 >> We're producers at the Jungle Room Recording Studios.
00:19:15 Janet here is the Big Shot EP.
00:19:17 >> Really?
00:19:18 Guys, I hate to eat and run, but I got to hit the gym.
00:19:22 >> Uh, Janet, Susan, this is Parker.
00:19:25 >> Hey, Parker.
00:19:26 >> You know, you are the only guy at the gym that carries snacks in his workout bag.
00:19:30 >> She notices the snacks, but not the fact I'm slinging 260.
00:19:33 Um, not snacks so much, really.
00:19:36 More low-sodium potato chips.
00:19:38 Carbs, workout.
00:19:39 I'm sure you've read about that.
00:19:41 >> Well, I love a guy who loves to eat.
00:19:43 >> I steal another heart.
00:19:46 Ladies, Sam, see you at the gym.
00:19:50 >> See you there, Par.
00:19:52 >> Well, we should get going, too.
00:19:54 Got an early start tomorrow.
00:19:56 >> Yeah, yeah, I guess I should head to the gym, but it's good to see you again.
00:20:00 >> Yeah, good to see you, too.
00:20:01 Evan, it was nice to meet you.
00:20:03 >> Oh, hey, maybe we'll see you in here again.
00:20:05 >> Cool. Take care.
00:20:07 >> You, too.
00:20:08 >> Bye.
00:20:09 >> Bye.
00:20:10 >> Did you just give her a Star Trek sign?
00:20:13 >> It's not the Star Trek sign.
00:20:15 It means "live long and prosper."
00:20:17 >> What was that split-finger thing he just did?
00:20:19 >> It's from Star Trek.
00:20:21 >> Really?
00:20:22 Oh, that's right.
00:20:24 You used to watch that, didn't you?
00:20:25 >> Yeah.
00:20:26 >> We were just getting comfortable up there.
00:20:28 >> Do you remember the other night?
00:20:29 It's better to "we gotta go" first.
00:20:34 >> True.
00:20:38 >> Okay, yeah, you're right. Good move.
00:20:40 >> He's kind of cute, huh?
00:20:41 >> Yeah.
00:20:42 >> Yeah, but they all start out cute.
00:20:44 Working out, pretending to like the same bands.
00:20:47 >> Hey, what time is it?
00:20:49 Voyager's on tonight.
00:20:50 You still watch that?
00:20:52 >> Sometimes I do.
00:20:54 You know, I mean, uh-huh.
00:20:57 No, that's cool.
00:20:59 I need to go work out anyway.
00:21:00 Uh-huh.
00:21:02 ♪ ♪
00:21:17 [electronic beeping]
00:21:24 ♪ ♪
00:21:34 ♪ ♪
00:21:44 ♪ ♪
00:21:54 [phone ringing]
00:21:59 >> Come in.
00:22:01 >> Hi, Mr. Evening.
00:22:03 >> Hey, Darian.
00:22:04 How are you?
00:22:05 Come in.
00:22:06 Have a seat.
00:22:08 Been having any more problems from, uh--
00:22:10 What's his name?
00:22:11 >> Who, Crisco Kid?
00:22:13 No.
00:22:14 >> Well, that's good.
00:22:15 Let me know if he gives you any more problems.
00:22:18 >> No, I will.
00:22:19 Don't worry.
00:22:20 He's one of those guys that reminds me of my dad.
00:22:22 Sex, sex, sex.
00:22:23 With whoever and wherever.
00:22:25 Sex doesn't last forever, like love.
00:22:28 >> You think love lasts forever?
00:22:30 >> Yeah.
00:22:31 Even if one of them dies and they really, truly love each other,
00:22:34 they're still together, you know, in their hearts.
00:22:37 Like my grandma.
00:22:38 She's totally still hot for my grandpa,
00:22:40 even though he died, like, five years ago.
00:22:42 She's not even interested in other guys.
00:22:44 >> Is that right?
00:22:45 >> Well, she will go to Luby's with Mr. Farley,
00:22:47 but that's just so he'll mow the yard.
00:22:49 >> [laughs]
00:22:50 Well, that sounds like a pretty good deal to me.
00:22:52 >> I can't wait to be in love.
00:22:54 >> Why?
00:22:56 >> Because I want that look my grandma has
00:22:59 when she talks about grandpa.
00:23:01 Well, I gotta go, Mr. Evening.
00:23:02 Thanks for talking to me again.
00:23:03 >> You're welcome, Darian.
00:23:04 I always enjoy our sessions together.
00:23:07 [music]
00:23:36 >> So tell me, how do you win these tickets again?
00:23:38 >> It's a combination of zen, the force, the Vulcan mind meld.
00:23:42 Next thing you know, call it number nine, my brother.
00:23:45 >> Hey, Sam.
00:23:46 >> Hey, Evan.
00:23:47 How have you been?
00:23:48 >> Great, yeah?
00:23:49 >> Working a lot.
00:23:50 >> So did you come here with, um...
00:23:52 >> Janet?
00:23:53 >> Yeah, she's with the band.
00:23:54 >> You're kidding me.
00:23:55 Wow, I had no idea this was one of her bands.
00:23:58 >> Uh-huh.
00:23:59 Talking about me behind my back?
00:24:00 >> Hey.
00:24:01 >> Hey.
00:24:02 >> What's up?
00:24:03 >> Hey, Evan.
00:24:04 Saw you two from the side of the stage.
00:24:05 >> I'm here to pick up chicks.
00:24:06 This is the night.
00:24:07 >> Really?
00:24:08 >> Yeah, this band really pulls them in.
00:24:10 >> I came to see the band.
00:24:12 Only.
00:24:13 No chicks tonight, just, uh...
00:24:15 We're just strictly groupies.
00:24:17 >> Groupies.
00:24:18 >> Well, cool.
00:24:19 I'll talk to the guys.
00:24:20 Well, look, we gotta get going.
00:24:21 They're about to come back on.
00:24:24 >> Well, say, are you gonna be around after the show?
00:24:26 >> Yeah, probably.
00:24:27 >> No.
00:24:28 Uh, yeah, probably, you know, unless some chicks drag us out of here or something.
00:24:33 >> Well, you'll be here after the show.
00:24:34 >> Sounds good.
00:24:35 [music]
00:24:42 >> You know what I was thinking?
00:24:44 >> I'd hate to even venture a guess.
00:24:46 >> If the planets were in perfect alignment and you were to marry Janet...
00:24:50 >> Evan, it's tough love, but I'm gonna have to put you in rehab.
00:24:55 >> Your names would be Sam and Janet Evening, like the song.
00:24:57 >> I know.
00:24:58 >> You know?
00:24:59 Ah-ha, so busted!
00:25:01 So you've thought about this.
00:25:03 >> It's not about marriage, it's just about the old name song thing.
00:25:06 >> Shut up.
00:25:07 >> You're busted.
00:25:09 [music]
00:25:38 [music]
00:25:45 >> So we're at the grocery store the other night, and there's this guy standing in front of us.
00:25:48 >> Who is clearly over the ten-item limit.
00:25:50 >> Clearly.
00:25:51 He had at least ten of those meat-pocket things.
00:25:54 >> Not to mention the other crap, Cuba beer.
00:25:56 >> And he had some of that, you know the lunch meat that's got the fat around the borders?
00:26:00 >> And condoms.
00:26:01 >> Right, condoms.
00:26:02 >> Sounds like a big night.
00:26:03 >> So we get our stuff up to the front, the clerk starts shopping.
00:26:06 And she's done, she looks at him and she goes, "So, we must be single, right?"
00:26:10 >> He goes, "Why, because of all the beer and the rubbers and stuff?"
00:26:13 >> And she goes, "No, because you're butt ugly!"
00:26:17 >> That did not happen.
00:26:19 >> You all made that up.
00:26:20 >> True story.
00:26:21 >> Scout's honor.
00:26:22 >> You're a scout?
00:26:23 >> I'm a scout.
00:26:24 I can tie eight different kinds of knots.
00:26:26 >> That's true, if you ever need a knot tied, Evans, you're a man.
00:26:28 >> What about you?
00:26:29 >> What, tying the knot?
00:26:30 No, not very good at it.
00:26:32 [music]
00:26:36 >> But hey, thanks for the beer.
00:26:38 >> Yeah, well, thank you for taking me home.
00:26:41 >> What about your car?
00:26:42 >> Tell Susan can come get me tomorrow, it's no big deal.
00:26:47 >> So, I had a really great time.
00:26:51 >> Me too.
00:26:53 >> I'd invite you in, but my place is--
00:26:56 >> It's okay, it's getting late, I should probably get going anyway.
00:27:00 >> I enjoyed it, really.
00:27:03 >> It was good to see you again.
00:27:05 >> You too.
00:27:10 >> Goodnight.
00:27:11 >> Goodnight.
00:27:14 >> I'll talk to you later.
00:27:16 >> Okay.
00:27:17 [music]
00:27:24 >> Goodnight, Janet.
00:27:25 >> Goodnight, Sam.
00:27:28 >> He is awesome.
00:27:30 >> She loves the same--
00:27:31 >> Music I like.
00:27:32 >> And he likes the same--
00:27:33 >> Movies that I want to see, plus she's a huge--
00:27:35 >> Football fan too.
00:27:37 >> Wow, Janet, maybe--
00:27:38 >> Don't even say it.
00:27:39 >> What is going on here?
00:27:41 >> Nothing is going on here.
00:27:43 >> I wonder if these guys are going to call us.
00:27:45 I mean, Evan knows where I work now.
00:27:47 >> And Sam knows where you live.
00:27:49 >> Hey, if they don't, they don't.
00:27:51 I'm definitely not waiting by any phone.
00:27:53 >> Me either.
00:27:55 >> They need to print an idiot's guide on when to call a girl book.
00:27:58 >> Maybe we can all just be friends.
00:28:00 >> Are you sure you want to get in the friend zone with these guys?
00:28:03 >> The months are there.
00:28:04 There's no way out.
00:28:06 [music]
00:28:14 >> Nice call, guys.
00:28:15 Got to get out of here before the cops come.
00:28:17 >> I'm telling you, Sam, it's going to happen.
00:28:19 >> No, not me.
00:28:21 Never again, my man.
00:28:22 It's not going to happen.
00:28:23 >> Closer and closer, and then it starts.
00:28:26 Small at first.
00:28:27 She invites you to a friend's wedding just to see a reaction.
00:28:31 >> Exactly.
00:28:32 Then you guys head to the mall.
00:28:33 It's off to buy a wedding gift.
00:28:35 Sam, do you like this pattern?
00:28:37 >> Chicks mark this stuff down, dude.
00:28:38 They've got pie graphs.
00:28:39 They've got charts.
00:28:40 They email each other.
00:28:41 They keep track of this stuff, and they file it later with their girlfriends
00:28:45 at the find-a-husband tribunal.
00:28:47 >> Chicks know it all.
00:28:48 >> That sounds good.
00:28:50 >> Can I have some chicken fingers with that sauce?
00:28:53 >> Sorry, the grill is closed.
00:28:56 >> All right, look, they can have all the tribunals and all the meetings they want.
00:28:59 They just can't include me in them.
00:29:01 >> Not so fast, Captain.
00:29:02 Consciously, you don't know anything.
00:29:05 Subconsciously, you're being assimilated.
00:29:07 >> What's with all the $10 words?
00:29:09 >> I'm at a $10 ride in Mama's car.
00:29:13 >> They connect you to the hive, and after that, my brother, there is no getting away.
00:29:18 >> What about Picard?
00:29:20 >> Yeah, what about Picard?
00:29:23 >> Well, yeah, Picard got away from the Borg somehow,
00:29:25 but that was one of those season-premiered television ratings deals.
00:29:29 >> Right, as opposed to this real Borg stuff that you're talking about, right?
00:29:34 >> We mock, but I see the transformation has begun.
00:29:40 >> Yeah, well, beam back to Earth, pal, because it ain't going to happen.
00:29:42 >> Beam that ass on over here to Planet Mama, huh?
00:29:45 >> Last one, Evan.
00:29:47 >> Make it so we're number one.
00:29:49 >> Hey, number one, my number seven, with the sauce.
00:29:53 >> The grill is shut down!
00:29:57 >> Darian was right.
00:29:58 Boys are stupid.
00:30:00 [music]
00:30:04 ♪ Pictures fill my head ♪
00:30:08 ♪ I feel so trapped instead, but ♪
00:30:12 ♪ Trapped doesn't seem so bad 'cause you are here ♪
00:30:21 ♪ It doesn't mean a thing ♪
00:30:25 ♪ Without you here with me ♪
00:30:29 ♪ And I can try to justify ♪
00:30:34 >> That's my sister.
00:30:35 >> I thought I saw her.
00:30:37 >> In my room.
00:30:38 >> Right here.
00:30:39 ♪ In my heart I had hope ♪
00:30:43 ♪ Built on dreams I'll never know ♪
00:30:47 >> Sam, there's still pictures.
00:30:50 >> More pictures?
00:30:51 >> More pictures.
00:30:52 >> Oh, great.
00:30:54 >> Good luck.
00:30:55 >> Yeah, show 'em.
00:30:56 >> There we go.
00:31:00 That right there is my dad's haircut.
00:31:02 [music]
00:31:10 ♪ Without you here with me ♪
00:31:14 ♪ And I can try to justify ♪
00:31:18 ♪ But I still need you here with me ♪
00:31:23 [music]
00:31:31 ♪ I can't do anything without you ♪
00:31:35 ♪ Give me the strength to do anything ♪
00:31:39 ♪ I can be everything you try to do ♪
00:31:43 >> Want some?
00:31:44 >> Uh, no.
00:31:46 >> Lots of protein here.
00:31:48 >> All right.
00:31:50 >> Hmm?
00:31:53 I'm gonna take a beer.
00:31:55 >> Coming up.
00:31:57 >> Susan.
00:31:59 >> No, none for me.
00:32:00 What are those?
00:32:01 >> That's chicken hand.
00:32:03 >> Chicken hand?
00:32:04 >> Yeah, five chicken fingers.
00:32:06 >> Want a thumb?
00:32:08 >> No, that's okay.
00:32:12 >> Want a pinky?
00:32:14 >> Okay.
00:32:16 >> Watch it, Bar.
00:32:18 >> Hmm.
00:32:21 >> Well, well, well, what's up?
00:32:23 >> Not a whole lot.
00:32:25 Seen on that cable show "Sex and the City,"
00:32:29 them pretty young things drinking them, uh...
00:32:33 >> Cosmopolitan.
00:32:34 >> Yeah, in one of them fancy glasses.
00:32:37 >> Well, you don't need a fancy glass to drink a good Cosmopolitan.
00:32:41 >> I'll try one. It seems to work on TV.
00:32:44 >> Hmm.
00:32:46 You know you're a bona fide regular?
00:32:48 >> Yeah, I've been coming in here eight years and 42 nights.
00:32:53 >> I want to know what a sophisticated Cosmopolitan-drinking beautiful woman is doing in here without a man.
00:33:00 >> I used to have a man back when I was young and pretty.
00:33:04 >> You're still pretty.
00:33:07 >> I used to. Three of them.
00:33:09 Every last one of them used me up and then left me for younger, prettier.
00:33:17 The kind that drink those Cosmopolitans.
00:33:20 >> I see it in here every night.
00:33:22 Grab-ass one-liners, lying, cheating.
00:33:26 >> Them young girlies, all they want to do is get married.
00:33:30 They should just find some man to bang their headboard against the wall or curl their toes.
00:33:36 Hey, that's what I do.
00:33:39 Two years ago, New Orleans, the last fellow to get front-row seats to the Pointer Sisters.
00:33:46 And then that was just to put art on me.
00:33:50 >> That's beautiful.
00:33:52 >> Thank you.
00:33:53 >> You're welcome.
00:33:55 >> I'm going to need a drink.
00:33:57 >> The usual?
00:33:59 >> Make it a double.
00:34:01 >> You got it.
00:34:10 >> What's going on?
00:34:11 >> I am cooking.
00:34:13 >> Well, what's for dinner?
00:34:15 >> Tonight the chef has prepared one of his all-time classics and one of your personal favorites.
00:34:20 >> Oh, my favorite. Which one?
00:34:23 >> Rolls.
00:34:25 Got it from one of Park's top secret recipes.
00:34:28 See, here, start with a clean plate.
00:34:31 >> Sounds good so far, Emeril.
00:34:35 >> Yeah, just, you know, cook them.
00:34:38 Oh, oh, and you didn't think there were pizza rolls just by themselves.
00:34:42 >> There's more.
00:34:44 >> Ranch dressing on the side.
00:34:45 >> Oh, you know how to treat a girl.
00:34:47 Now if I could just get you to do my laundry, you could be my wife.
00:34:50 >> Yeah, and if I could learn to bitch and moan and not give a damn about anything my husband ever said, I'd be perfect.
00:34:55 I learned all about being a wife first hand.
00:34:58 >> Oh, now, baby, get over here.
00:35:01 Come over here and love on me.
00:35:03 You know you want it.
00:35:05 >> Oh, baby, why you got to be like that?
00:35:08 Why can't we just talk? Why does it always got to be about my love cookie?
00:35:11 >> If you'd give me your love cookie every now and then, I wouldn't have to go to the bakery every chance I get.
00:35:16 >> I bet Parker's had the same conversation.
00:35:33 >> You want to get out of here.
00:35:36 >> Okay.
00:35:40 >> These people are going to be pissed if we leave these great seeds and don't come back.
00:35:45 >> Good point.
00:35:50 Can't wait for them to clap when we make our move.
00:35:53 >> Gotcha.
00:36:06 >> Do you think we wasted money on those tickets?
00:36:09 >> Oh, I don't know. That cello solo that went on for about an hour was pretty great.
00:36:13 >> Which one was that?
00:36:15 >> Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na.
00:36:17 >> Oh, yeah, that one. Yeah, but I love your version.
00:36:21 >> Yeah, well, thank you.
00:36:23 >> Where's our car?
00:36:26 >> We are over there.
00:36:55 >> Are you sure you don't need any help in there?
00:36:58 >> Yeah, I'm sure.
00:37:00 >> I don't know. I just -- I feel like maybe we could conserve some water if we just both jumped in there together.
00:37:06 >> See, honey, another reason to like you.
00:37:09 You're concerned for the environment.
00:37:11 I'll be out in a second, and then you can have what's left of the water.
00:37:14 >> Yeah, well, save some hot water for me.
00:37:16 >> Hot water?
00:37:18 >> Yeah, I'm going to get some hot water.
00:37:20 >> Okay.
00:37:22 >> Save some hot water for me.
00:37:25 >> Hot water? Don't you mean cold?
00:37:27 >> And you're sure that you can reach all those places on your back?
00:37:30 >> Yes, I'm sure.
00:37:32 >> What about the front?
00:37:34 >> If I can, you'll be the first to know.
00:37:46 >> It must have been a dream that I remember, talking without words.
00:37:57 Syllables and air that would surrender, they could not be heard.
00:38:06 And you were so warm and good, and I sat right there the night I came.
00:38:16 And the rain came down and hit the ground while we were standing there.
00:38:27 This is what I can honestly say, I dream about day after day.
00:38:46 So once again it's Christmas, I hope that all your wishes of peace and love come true.
00:39:01 The children playing in the snow, while mother plays with mistletoe, this happy time of year.
00:39:16 The tree is bright and dressed with all the lights and special gifts, so I know, a goodness all just means, a Christmas dream.
00:39:43 [ Music ]
00:39:50 >> We've been canvassing the neighborhood looking for a home for homeless brown puppies.
00:39:54 >> He's precious.
00:39:56 Hi, little guy, how are you?
00:39:58 Oh, how cute.
00:40:02 Where did you find them?
00:40:04 >> I saw an ad in the paper.
00:40:06 I went to this guy's house.
00:40:08 I walk in the door, there's six of them staring at me.
00:40:10 I told him, they look like the Brady bunch.
00:40:13 And this guy ran right over to me.
00:40:15 So I said, okay, that's it, I'll take the one that thinks I'm funny.
00:40:18 >> Smart doggy, pretending Sam is funny so you can come live with me.
00:40:23 >> Thanks a lot.
00:40:25 >> What's his name?
00:40:27 >> That's up to you.
00:40:30 >> Brady?
00:40:32 >> Brady.
00:40:34 >> Brady it is.
00:40:36 Like your name, Brady?
00:40:38 >> Yeah, I like Brady.
00:40:40 >> Okay.
00:40:42 [ Music ]
00:40:47 >> Uh-oh, flowers.
00:40:49 >> Why, uh-oh?
00:40:51 >> Looks like somebody's being tame.
00:40:54 >> Marty, he's --
00:40:56 >> No, no, you start getting flowers and your guy might be a cheetah.
00:41:00 Cheetah!
00:41:02 [ Laughter ]
00:41:04 >> Okay, you guys go.
00:41:05 Get out of here.
00:41:06 I've got to get Vans booked.
00:41:07 >> Yeah, girl, somebody has to work around here.
00:41:10 Right, Janet?
00:41:11 Eye of the tiger.
00:41:13 >> Thanks, Marty.
00:41:17 >> So is tonight going to be the big night?
00:41:21 >> I don't know.
00:41:22 I feel so guilty.
00:41:25 >> I know.
00:41:26 It's not your fault, though.
00:41:28 >> Maybe.
00:41:29 God, I want to.
00:41:31 >> Go for it.
00:41:32 We'll see.
00:41:34 >> You know what happens when you're younger and you get your ears pierced
00:41:37 and you haven't put the studs in for a really long time?
00:41:40 The holes grow back together.
00:41:42 [ Laughter ]
00:41:45 >> Okay, go.
00:41:46 Get out of here.
00:41:48 [ Music ]
00:42:03 [ Music ]
00:42:14 [ Music ]
00:42:24 [ Music ]
00:42:35 >> Sam?
00:42:37 >> Yeah, it's me.
00:42:39 >> I know, it seems silly.
00:42:41 >> I was thinking.
00:42:45 >> You were thinking?
00:42:52 >> I know you and I haven't--
00:42:54 >> No, no, we haven't.
00:42:58 >> Well, I don't want you to think that it's because I don't think you're attractive.
00:43:02 I do.
00:43:05 And I feel a lot better about living the life of a middle school counselor monk.
00:43:12 I'm just kidding.
00:43:13 I know how you are.
00:43:15 >> You do?
00:43:16 >> Yeah.
00:43:17 Hey, you've heard.
00:43:19 >> Huh?
00:43:21 >> About the creature.
00:43:24 >> Oh, no, not the creature.
00:43:26 >> You know, you may have even gotten some pre-shower glimpses of the creature.
00:43:29 >> I've got some post-shower glimpses of the creature.
00:43:32 >> But that's not the same creature.
00:43:33 That one's weakened.
00:43:34 >> It's like water to the creature.
00:43:35 It's like kryptonite to Superman.
00:43:38 >> It doesn't kill him, does it?
00:43:40 >> No, no, it just makes him weaker until he can regain his strength.
00:43:46 >> Thank you, Sam.
00:43:48 You're so understanding about this.
00:43:51 >> I know how you are.
00:43:53 Sometimes I catch the way you look at Park.
00:43:56 >> Busted.
00:43:57 >> When he's eating that fried protein.
00:43:59 >> It's not exactly what he eats, but how he eats it.
00:44:04 I mean, when he orders a plate of those heavily breaded, deep-fried cheese things,
00:44:11 and he dips them in ranch dressing, which slowly runs down his arm onto his sleeve,
00:44:17 I can't help myself.
00:44:19 >> When the ketchup runs down his cleave.
00:44:22 >> It drives me insane.
00:44:28 >> I'm going to go back.
00:44:31 >> Where are you going?
00:44:43 >> You're in the ketchup, huh?
00:44:45 Well, here you go.
00:44:47 >> Oh, my God.
00:44:48 You are so dead.
00:44:49 >> Is it putting you on?
00:44:50 >> Oh, my God.
00:45:09 >> You're liking this, huh?
00:45:30 >> What's up?
00:45:31 >> So I'm watching "Star Trek" the other night with Susan.
00:45:34 >> Well, you always knew how to work the ladies.
00:45:36 >> I suddenly realized that Susan is watching "Star Trek" with me.
00:45:40 >> Yeah, you just said that.
00:45:42 >> No, I said I was watching "Star Trek" with her.
00:45:45 Then I realized that Susan was watching "Star Trek" with me, actually watching it,
00:45:49 asking questions about the board, getting into it.
00:45:52 >> Well, good for her.
00:45:53 Maybe you should take her to one of those conventions, Commander.
00:45:57 >> Oh, okay.
00:45:58 Shoot a photon torpedo at a friend, and you know I'm not a Commander yet.
00:46:02 >> My bad.
00:46:03 >> Forgiven.
00:46:04 >> Okay, so you guys were watching "Star Trek."
00:46:06 >> Yeah, we're watching "Star Trek," not just "Star Trek."
00:46:08 It was a rerun of "Voyager," "Janeway."
00:46:11 >> In English.
00:46:13 >> I think I'm already connected to the hive.
00:46:17 >> Dude.
00:46:18 >> And I know how you are about marriage and all that.
00:46:20 >> Wait a second.
00:46:21 Are you saying what I think you're saying?
00:46:24 >> Sam, save the speech.
00:46:25 >> No, no, no, no.
00:46:26 I'm happy for you.
00:46:28 Get over here.
00:46:33 >> Hey, live long and prosper.
00:46:36 >> Thanks, Sam.
00:46:37 That means a lot.
00:46:40 >> You know that feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when you first like someone?
00:46:44 I still have that feeling.
00:46:46 >> Me too.
00:46:48 >> Susan?
00:46:49 >> What?
00:46:50 I just love that feeling.
00:46:52 >> Actually, I love it and I hate it because you have no control over it.
00:46:55 >> So what?
00:46:56 Just soak in it.
00:46:58 >> There's more going on here.
00:47:00 >> Susan?
00:47:02 >> Evan and I are, you know, we --
00:47:05 >> Oh, my gosh.
00:47:07 >> You guys are thinking about getting married?
00:47:09 No lying?
00:47:10 >> No lying.
00:47:11 >> Marty.
00:47:12 >> Susan?
00:47:13 >> Janet.
00:47:14 >> Susan?
00:47:16 >> Oh, my gosh.
00:47:18 >> You're engaged?
00:47:19 >> Oh, my gosh.
00:47:23 >> Well, I think it's ridiculous.
00:47:24 >> Well, why do you have to be so stubborn?
00:47:26 You need to start thinking in a new way.
00:47:28 >> I disagree.
00:47:29 Look, I did it before and it sucked and I vowed never to do it again.
00:47:32 >> What was so bad last time?
00:47:34 >> If you were a guy, you'd understand.
00:47:36 >> Oh, so it's a guy thing.
00:47:39 >> If the guys even knew I was talking about it, much less doing it, they'd fall on their asses laughing.
00:47:47 >> Come here, sweetie.
00:47:49 >> Plus it made me break out last time.
00:47:53 >> Only about one more minute.
00:47:57 >> Guys, it's sounding great, really.
00:47:59 Just to give it a little lift, introduce something into the outro.
00:48:02 That sounds great.
00:48:03 >> Yeah.
00:48:04 Really good.
00:48:05 >> Really good.
00:48:07 >> Okay, guys, let's try it like that.
00:48:12 [ Music ]
00:48:35 >> Did you know Evan was going to ask Susan?
00:48:38 >> I heard something about that, yeah.
00:48:41 >> Well, why didn't you tell me?
00:48:43 >> I don't know.
00:48:44 I just didn't think about it.
00:48:46 >> How could you not?
00:48:47 Susan told me first thing.
00:48:50 >> Well, I don't know.
00:48:51 I guess we just think differently.
00:48:54 >> Meaning?
00:48:56 >> Meaning I didn't want to get into this conversation.
00:48:59 >> Oh, yeah.
00:49:00 How repulsive.
00:49:01 A conversation between two people who love each other about marriage.
00:49:04 >> Why are you attacking me?
00:49:06 >> I'm not.
00:49:07 I just don't understand why we can't talk about it.
00:49:10 >> Well, I don't know.
00:49:11 >> What are you so afraid of?
00:49:13 I mean, you say that you love me.
00:49:15 >> I do.
00:49:17 >> I do.
00:49:18 See, that wasn't so hard.
00:49:20 >> You're really funny.
00:49:22 I do love you.
00:49:25 >> Then what is it?
00:49:27 >> Marriage just changes relationships.
00:49:29 I don't know why it does, but it does.
00:49:31 Ask anybody who's married.
00:49:33 >> Well, of course it changes it.
00:49:35 You stop dating.
00:49:36 You become a family.
00:49:37 You live together and work together and love each other.
00:49:39 Eventually you have kids.
00:49:42 >> Kids?
00:49:44 Well, you know what that means.
00:49:46 Some sex.
00:49:47 >> Sam, I'm serious.
00:49:49 You grow together and take care of each other.
00:49:52 You know, all that real awful stuff.
00:49:54 >> That's not what I meant.
00:49:57 Hey, all those things sound great when you talk about them, but does it ever really happen?
00:50:01 Because it didn't when I was married.
00:50:04 When people get married, they just -- they stop trying.
00:50:08 I don't know why.
00:50:09 Ask any of my guy friends who are married.
00:50:11 They'll tell you the same thing.
00:50:13 >> You're listening to your guy friends about marriage?
00:50:16 God, all these guys have somehow stumbled into your life like the dream team for bachelorhood.
00:50:23 Sam, marriage is not that awful.
00:50:26 If you give 100% of yourself to the other person, I mean, it's not perfect, but what is?
00:50:31 >> How would you know?
00:50:33 I've been married.
00:50:34 Trust me.
00:50:35 It can be awful.
00:50:37 It can be the worst experience of your life.
00:50:45 >> I need to tell you something.
00:50:49 [typing]
00:50:56 >> Does he know?
00:51:09 >> I told him last night.
00:51:11 >> About L.A. or --
00:51:12 >> Yeah, about L.A.
00:51:15 >> So did you guys --
00:51:18 >> No.
00:51:20 I'm sorry.
00:51:23 I don't know, Susan.
00:51:27 >> Sorry to interrupt.
00:51:29 Janet, you have a call.
00:51:30 Line three.
00:51:31 >> Thanks, Angie.
00:51:32 >> I'll let you take that.
00:51:33 >> Okay.
00:51:34 Bye.
00:51:37 >> This is Janet.
00:51:38 >> Can you meet me?
00:51:41 >> What?
00:51:43 No.
00:51:45 >> I just need to talk to you, that's all.
00:51:47 Please.
00:51:48 >> No.
00:51:49 Why?
00:51:50 >> I'm downstairs in the lobby.
00:51:52 Just come meet me.
00:51:53 Give me five minutes.
00:51:55 Please.
00:51:59 >> I'll be down there in a minute.
00:52:11 >> I'll be back in a minute.
00:52:13 >> Is that who I think it was?
00:52:14 >> Yeah.
00:52:15 I'm going downstairs.
00:52:16 He's in the lobby.
00:52:17 >> You're kidding.
00:52:18 How long has it been?
00:52:20 >> A year and a half.
00:52:22 I'll be back.
00:52:24 What was that all about?
00:52:25 >> What's going on, guys?
00:52:27 >> Steven is downstairs.
00:52:29 >> Oh, my God.
00:52:31 >> Who?
00:52:35 >> I can't believe you two haven't done it yet.
00:52:37 >> Yeah, well, believe it.
00:52:39 >> Me and Susan are hitting it like bunny wabbits.
00:52:43 >> Well, it's something.
00:52:45 Maybe it's her way of trapping me into a marriage proposal.
00:52:48 >> Just to get some?
00:52:50 Doesn't that usually work the other way around?
00:52:52 They give you sex to get you and then after the honeymoon, it stops.
00:52:56 >> You're the one getting married.
00:52:58 >> Yeah, well, Susan is a different breed.
00:53:00 She's all whapping.
00:53:02 >> Look, I love her.
00:53:04 I don't want to force her into anything if she's not ready.
00:53:07 If she wants to wait, that's fine.
00:53:09 I just -- it's something.
00:53:12 I don't know.
00:53:14 >> Scotty, get me out of here.
00:53:16 I think he could explode at any moment.
00:53:21 >> I can't believe he shows up now.
00:53:24 >> And he said he comes in here a lot.
00:53:26 >> Probably alone.
00:53:28 He's a freak.
00:53:29 >> Well, there's a guy that comes in here alone every week.
00:53:32 And he sits right back there.
00:53:35 What did he tell you?
00:53:38 >> I don't know.
00:53:40 He asked me to dinner.
00:53:43 >> I didn't know he could talk.
00:53:46 >> So what are you going to do?
00:53:49 >> God, what can't I do?
00:53:52 God.
00:53:54 I have been lying, lying to Sam for a year.
00:53:58 I can't just casually mention to Sam, oh, by the way, in case you were ever interested in marriage,
00:54:04 you can't because I already have a husband.
00:54:07 >> Gina, you're separated.
00:54:09 Legally, he just won't sign the papers.
00:54:11 That is not your fault.
00:54:17 >> God, why didn't I just tell him?
00:54:20 [ Music ]
00:54:39 >> Okay.
00:54:40 All right.
00:54:42 [ Silence ]
00:54:54 >> Looks like they're going to miss you.
00:54:57 >> Yeah.
00:54:59 [ Music ]
00:55:04 >> What do you want me to do?
00:55:06 [ Music ]
00:55:10 >> I'll tell you what I want you to do.
00:55:13 I want you to marry me because you want to be with me, not because I want you to or because I'm moving or for any other reason but that you cannot stand to be away from me.
00:55:26 >> I'm just not ready to get married again, Janet.
00:55:30 I've still got too many problems and questions from my last marriage.
00:55:34 I'm the counselor and I'm probably the one that needs counseling because I love you and I've never felt this way about anybody before.
00:55:46 But I'm just scared that I'm going to ruin it by marrying you.
00:55:50 >> Ruin it?
00:55:52 >> We talked about this before.
00:55:53 You know what I mean.
00:55:57 I got married at 19 years old and I lost six years of my life to a bad marriage like that and I still remember the way everything changed.
00:56:04 She changed.
00:56:05 She didn't even resemble the woman I remember marrying.
00:56:07 >> I'm not her.
00:56:08 >> I know that.
00:56:09 It's me.
00:56:11 If you've been married before, you would understand.
00:56:13 [ Music ]
00:56:22 >> I can't do this.
00:56:24 I don't want you to be there when I leave.
00:56:29 And I don't want you to call me.
00:56:33 It will just make it that much harder.
00:56:40 >> I don't want you to go.
00:56:44 >> I have to.
00:56:48 It's not fair.
00:56:51 It's not fair.
00:56:55 >> Let me help you with this stuff.
00:56:56 >> I've got it.
00:56:58 [ Music ]
00:57:25 >> I love you.
00:57:28 [ Music ]
00:57:51 >> Mr. Evening.
00:57:55 You look terrible.
00:57:57 >> Darian, it's confusing.
00:58:01 >> What are you confused about?
00:58:02 Maybe I can help you.
00:58:08 >> I thought I was supposed to be the one helping you.
00:58:11 >> Sit back in your chair, Mr. Evening, and tell me all about it.
00:58:19 >> Okay.
00:58:22 I told you about Janet, right?
00:58:24 >> Some.
00:58:26 >> Okay, well, she -- I don't even know where to begin.
00:58:30 She got a job offer, and she has to move to New York.
00:58:33 >> Are you going?
00:58:35 >> Well, it's not really that easy.
00:58:37 >> Why not?
00:58:38 She wants you to go, right?
00:58:39 >> Well, yeah, but --
00:58:40 >> So go.
00:58:42 >> And just leave my job, my friends, everything that --
00:58:46 >> Why don't you tell me the real story?
00:58:51 >> I can't believe I'm doing this.
00:58:52 Okay.
00:58:56 After my divorce, I went -- so what do you think?
00:59:02 >> Stupid boys.
00:59:04 >> That's it?
00:59:06 Stupid boys?
00:59:08 >> That's it.
00:59:09 [ Music ]
00:59:25 [ Music ]
00:59:45 >> I wanted to see if you guys had any --
00:59:48 [ Music ]
01:00:02 >> It's okay.
01:00:03 You'll be fine.
01:00:07 >> No, I won't.
01:00:08 >> Yes, you will.
01:00:12 >> You're sad and single.
01:00:15 >> No.
01:00:17 [ Music ]
01:00:21 >> I'm suffocating.
01:00:26 I wish he would just come get at me.
01:00:33 I'm just going to tickle my back and play with my hair and go to the games with me.
01:00:38 >> You have this great job.
01:00:40 >> I don't care about the job.
01:00:42 I would trade it in a second.
01:00:47 I've messed up, haven't I?
01:00:49 >> No.
01:00:50 No, you haven't.
01:00:52 >> No, I think I have.
01:00:53 I think I messed up.
01:00:54 I think I pushed him too hard.
01:00:56 >> Janet, if he's not going to commit, it's not your fault.
01:01:04 You have the one person I wish I had with me all the time, you.
01:01:14 >> I think this is the last box.
01:01:17 I'm in the mood.
01:01:18 We're just going to do the rest.
01:01:21 >> I'm going to miss you.
01:01:24 >> I'm going to miss you too.
01:01:28 >> I should go.
01:01:29 >> Okay.
01:01:30 >> You call me at every stop and let me know you're okay.
01:01:33 >> I will.
01:01:34 >> Okay.
01:01:35 >> I love you, Susan.
01:01:36 >> Me too.
01:01:39 [ Music ]
01:01:48 [ Music ]
01:01:56 >> What are you doing here?
01:02:16 >> I told you when you came to my office the other day that I did not want to see you again
01:02:19 unless you had some signed papers.
01:02:21 >> I need to talk to you.
01:02:23 >> About what?
01:02:24 >> Us.
01:02:25 >> Are you joking?
01:02:26 Why haven't you signed the papers yet?
01:02:28 >> I just can't.
01:02:29 I cannot live without you anymore.
01:02:30 This past year and a half has been--
01:02:32 >> Stephen, I'm so sorry.
01:02:33 Did she find out you were cheating on her too?
01:02:35 >> This doesn't have anything to do with anybody but you and me.
01:02:38 >> There is no you and me.
01:02:40 >> Janet--
01:02:41 >> Did you hit her a little too?
01:02:44 >> I'm not like that anymore.
01:02:46 I've changed.
01:02:47 I'm just ready for you and me to pick up where we left off.
01:02:50 >> Well, great.
01:02:51 I'll see you at the courthouse.
01:02:53 >> Look, in the beginning we were so good together.
01:02:55 Let me come to L.A. with you.
01:02:57 We can spend some time together, start fresh.
01:03:00 >> You're not going anywhere with me.
01:03:02 >> Just give me a chance here.
01:03:03 We can be together.
01:03:05 [ Music ]
01:03:08 Oh.
01:03:10 Is it Sam?
01:03:12 >> Is he going?
01:03:14 >> How do you know about Sam?
01:03:16 How do you know his name?
01:03:18 >> I was at the bar one night when you guys were there together.
01:03:21 I asked the bartender who he was.
01:03:24 He doesn't seem like your type.
01:03:26 >> Look, Stephen, you need to leave.
01:03:27 And don't ever try to contact me again unless you've got some papers signed.
01:03:31 >> Here.
01:03:32 Look at these pictures.
01:03:34 We were so happy together that day.
01:03:36 It can be just like that again.
01:03:38 It'll be even better.
01:03:41 [ Music ]
01:03:47 >> Just leave.
01:03:49 [ Music ]
01:03:54 [ Birds Chirping ]
01:03:58 [ Music ]
01:04:04 [ Music ]
01:04:14 [ Music ]
01:04:24 [ Music ]
01:04:34 [ Music ]
01:04:44 [ Music ]
01:04:54 [ Music ]
01:05:04 [ Music ]
01:05:14 [ Music ]
01:05:24 [ Music ]
01:05:34 [ Music ]
01:05:44 [ Music ]
01:05:54 [ Music ]
01:06:04 [ Music ]
01:06:09 [ Birds Chirping ]
01:06:14 [ Phone Ringing ]
01:06:19 [ Birds Chirping ]
01:06:24 [ Birds Chirping ]
01:06:29 [ Birds Chirping ]
01:06:37 [ Wind Blowing ]
01:06:47 [ Wind Blowing ]
01:06:55 [ Birds Chirping ]
01:07:01 [ Wind Blowing ]
01:07:05 [ Music ]
01:07:10 [ Music ]
01:07:15 [ Music ]
01:07:20 [ Music ]
01:07:29 [ Phone Ringing ]
01:07:34 [ Music ]
01:07:46 >> He hasn't called you?
01:07:48 >> I've tried him a bunch of times, but there's no answer.
01:07:51 He doesn't even have his answering machine on.
01:07:54 >> Have you heard from him?
01:07:56 >> No. That's strange.
01:07:58 >> I thought so too.
01:08:01 I mean, I did tell him not to call me.
01:08:04 >> He knows what that means when a girlfriend says not to call, right?
01:08:07 >> Thought so.
01:08:09 >> I guess he never got that idiot's guide on when to call a girl, but...
01:08:13 >> Oh, Evan's been really weird ever since you left.
01:08:17 We're going to talk tonight at the bar after work.
01:08:20 Maybe Sam will be there.
01:08:22 >> He went over to see her and saw some guy kiss her.
01:08:24 He recognized the guy from in here, and I'd seen him in here before too.
01:08:27 >> Does he know who that guy is?
01:08:29 >> Well, he does now.
01:08:30 >> I told him.
01:08:32 Sorry.
01:08:34 >> Does he know that Janet's...
01:08:35 >> Still married? Yeah. Why didn't you tell me?
01:08:37 >> Don't look at me.
01:08:38 >> How does he know?
01:08:40 >> Well, he asked the guy, and we were over here a couple of nights ago helping to close up.
01:08:43 He sees him over in the corner.
01:08:45 Of course, Sam had been over-served again, and he decides to confront him.
01:08:48 It was like Kirk versus Colin.
01:08:50 >> Hey, dude.
01:08:55 Don't go anywhere. I'll be right back, all right?
01:08:57 >> Just make sure you shoot straight or you're walking.
01:09:08 >> Yeah.
01:09:10 >> What the hell are you looking at?
01:09:28 >> Get away from me, you're wasted.
01:09:30 >> I've seen you before. I know you.
01:09:33 >> You know me? Really?
01:09:36 >> You kissed my girlfriend at her house.
01:09:39 I saw you do it.
01:09:41 >> You're a girl. I can kiss her any time I want.
01:09:44 She's my wife.
01:09:46 Yeah, Janet, my wife.
01:09:50 >> Stand up.
01:09:54 >> You don't want to do this.
01:09:55 >> Yeah, I do.
01:09:56 >> Come on, Sam.
01:09:57 >> Or stand up.
01:09:58 >> Time to go home.
01:09:59 >> Get this drunk ass...
01:10:00 >> Get him out of here.
01:10:01 >> ...he's married to Janet.
01:10:02 >> What?
01:10:03 >> I say we kick his ass.
01:10:04 >> I say you go home.
01:10:05 >> Get him out of here, man.
01:10:07 >> Where the hell did you get these?
01:10:13 >> From my wedding book.
01:10:15 >> Come on, Sam.
01:10:16 >> Ask her.
01:10:17 >> Sam, come on, let's go.
01:10:18 >> She's been lying to you. Ask her.
01:10:19 >> Yeah, she wouldn't marry you.
01:10:20 >> Ask her.
01:10:21 >> Ask her.
01:10:23 >> Stephen told him?
01:10:26 >> You know him?
01:10:27 Why didn't you tell me?
01:10:28 We're getting married.
01:10:29 Communication?
01:10:30 >> I'm sorry, Evan.
01:10:31 It wasn't my place to say anything.
01:10:33 >> They've been separated for over a year and a half.
01:10:35 Long before Sam ever came into the picture.
01:10:37 >> Well, he left out those details.
01:10:39 He just said he was Janet's husband.
01:10:41 >> Oh, God.
01:10:42 >> He's got wedding pictures on.
01:10:43 What kind of guy carries wedding pictures?
01:10:45 He pulls them out and he showed them to Sam.
01:10:47 >> He just showed up recently and tried to hook back up with Janet.
01:10:49 She doesn't want anything to do with him.
01:10:51 >> I can't believe she's married.
01:10:53 >> Separated.
01:10:54 Legally separated.
01:10:55 He just won't sign the papers.
01:10:57 You've got to talk to Sam.
01:10:59 >> Well, I'd like to, but he's on vacation.
01:11:01 >> Where?
01:11:02 >> I don't know.
01:11:03 I've been trying to reach him at home, but he's not answering his phone.
01:11:05 >> Hello?
01:11:28 >> Evan.
01:11:29 Sam, where the hell have you been, man?
01:11:30 I've been trying to call you for the past couple of weeks.
01:11:32 >> On another planet.
01:11:34 >> That's my line.
01:11:35 Hey, man, I'm glad you finally called.
01:11:37 I got some information about her husband.
01:11:39 >> What?
01:11:40 >> Turns out he's been stalking Janet.
01:11:42 >> Steven?
01:11:44 >> Yeah, con.
01:11:45 They're separated.
01:11:46 >> Legally.
01:11:47 >> Legally separated.
01:11:48 So it's like they're not even married.
01:11:50 >> For how long?
01:11:51 >> For how long?
01:11:52 About a year and a half.
01:11:53 >> A year and a half.
01:11:54 >> So why not just get divorced?
01:11:55 >> She wants to.
01:11:56 She's trying.
01:11:57 He won't sign the divorce papers.
01:11:59 >> Hi, Susan.
01:12:00 >> Hey, Sam, are you okay?
01:12:03 >> This whole thing is crazy.
01:12:05 >> Sam, please call her.
01:12:06 She misses you so much.
01:12:08 This guy is the whole reason she wouldn't sleep with you.
01:12:11 >> She's sleeping with him?
01:12:12 >> No, no.
01:12:13 She just felt guilty this entire year.
01:12:16 She just didn't think it was fair to you.
01:12:18 She wanted to tell you, but it was never the right time.
01:12:21 >> She hid this from me.
01:12:23 We talked about getting married.
01:12:24 She never even told me this.
01:12:26 >> I know, Sam.
01:12:27 She wanted to tell you.
01:12:28 She wishes she would have.
01:12:31 >> I can't just call her.
01:12:33 What am I going to say, that over the last few weeks,
01:12:35 I decided that it was cool that you were married this whole time
01:12:38 and just didn't tell me?
01:12:39 >> Sam, she regrets not telling you.
01:12:41 It's killing her.
01:12:42 >> Yeah, well, it's killing me, too.
01:12:45 >> Sam, call her, please.
01:12:51 >> I don't know.
01:12:56 I'll talk to you guys later.
01:12:57 I've got to go.
01:13:00 [phone beeps]
01:13:02 [siren wailing]
01:13:11 [music]
01:13:25 [rain]
01:13:28 [music]
01:13:31 [rain]
01:13:33 [music]
01:13:35 [car engine starts]
01:13:59 [music]
01:14:01 [phone rings]
01:14:11 >> Hello?
01:14:17 >> I'm going to L.A.
01:14:18 >> What?
01:14:19 >> Who is it?
01:14:20 >> Sam.
01:14:22 >> Did you build a transport room?
01:14:24 Because I don't think a no-advance round trip to L.A. is in your budget.
01:14:28 >> No, it's not, but a one-way ticket is.
01:14:31 I booked a flight last night.
01:14:33 Got the first good night's sleep that I've had in a long time.
01:14:36 >> Yes, Los Angeles.
01:14:39 >> Leaves at 1.15.
01:14:42 Okay, thanks.
01:14:44 [music]
01:14:47 [car engine starts]
01:14:49 >> Ah, full speed ahead.
01:14:57 Warp factor 10, Captain.
01:15:00 >> Look, I've got to go.
01:15:01 I've got a lot of errands to run before I leave town.
01:15:03 >> Did you call her?
01:15:04 >> Nope.
01:15:05 Going to surprise her.
01:15:06 As a matter of fact, I've got a lot of surprises.
01:15:08 >> Well, do me a favor, Sam.
01:15:10 Live long and please, please try to prosper.
01:15:14 [music]
01:15:42 >> Mr. Evening.
01:15:44 Where have you been?
01:15:47 >> I've been kind of out of it.
01:15:48 I'm sorry.
01:15:50 I was worried about you.
01:15:51 >> I'm not worried about you.
01:15:54 >> Look, I did a lot of thinking about what you, uh, what we were talking about, and...
01:16:00 You were right about love.
01:16:03 So I wanted to come by and thank you on my way out of town.
01:16:06 >> California?
01:16:08 >> Yeah.
01:16:10 >> Mr. Evening, I knew you were in love.
01:16:12 I just knew it.
01:16:14 >> Well, I've got a plane to catch.
01:16:19 You know, Darren, you don't need counseling anymore.
01:16:23 You're one of the smartest, most well-adjusted people I know.
01:16:26 >> I know.
01:16:27 I just figured sometimes you needed to talk about stuff.
01:16:37 >> Hey, look.
01:16:42 >> Like my grandma.
01:16:45 Go get her, Mr. Evening.
01:16:47 [music]
01:16:50 [music]
01:16:53 [music]
01:16:55 [tires screeching]
01:17:06 [engine revving]
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01:20:05 [alarm beeping]
01:20:07 [alarm beeping]
01:20:09 [alarm beeping]
01:20:11 [alarm beeping]
01:20:13 [alarm beeping]
01:20:15 [alarm beeping]
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01:20:21 [alarm beeping]
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01:20:25 [alarm beeping]
01:20:27 [alarm beeping]
01:20:29 [alarm beeping]
01:20:31 What's the time of death?
01:20:33 Okay.
01:20:35 [sighs]
01:20:37 There are two people down in the waiting room
01:20:39 I need to go talk to.
01:20:41 Okay.
01:20:43 [music]
01:20:45 [music]
01:20:47 [music]
01:20:49 [music]
01:20:51 [music]
01:20:53 [music]
01:20:55 I'm very sorry.
01:20:57 [music]
01:20:59 [music]
01:21:01 [music]
01:21:03 [music]
01:21:05 [music]
01:21:07 [music]
01:21:09 [music]
01:21:11 [music]
01:21:13 [music]
01:21:15 Even if one of them dies and they really truly love each other,
01:21:17 they're still together, you know,
01:21:19 in their hearts.
01:21:21 [music]
01:21:23 [music]
01:21:25 [music]
01:21:27 [music]
01:21:29 - [Radio] Ladies and gentlemen, welcome aboard our flight to Los Angeles International Airport.
01:21:32 It'll take us approximately four hours and 10 minutes.
01:21:35 But it's the same thing, we should touchdown at LAX right on time at 1052.
01:21:39 Sit back and enjoy the flight.
01:21:40 If there's anything we can do to make your flight more pleasant,
01:21:42 go ahead.
01:21:43 - Brady?
01:21:53 (breathing heavily)
01:21:56 - Well, how do I look?
01:22:03 - Like my grandma.
01:22:08 Go get her, Mr. Evening.
01:22:12 (dramatic music)
01:22:15 (dramatic music)
01:22:18 (dramatic music)
01:22:47 - Oh my God, did you see that?
01:22:49 - These crazy ass drivers.
01:22:51 We should stop, but I know you gotta catch that flight.
01:22:53 Let me call this in to dispatch.
01:22:54 There's an IMSA station just around the corner.
01:22:58 - I'm sorry you came all this way,
01:23:09 but that's not your friend who died in there.
01:23:11 I'm not surprised the guy who ran him off the road
01:23:13 made a mistake as much alcohol was in his system.
01:23:16 (dramatic music)
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01:23:29 (dramatic music)
01:23:33 (knocking)
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01:23:41 (dramatic music)
01:23:43 (dramatic music)
01:23:46 (dramatic music)
01:23:49 (dramatic music)
01:23:52 (dramatic music)
01:23:55 (dramatic music)
01:23:58 (dramatic music)
01:24:01 - Brady?
01:24:14 (dramatic music)
01:24:17 - Hey.
01:24:36 - Hey.
01:24:38 - Where'd you go?
01:24:44 - I,
01:24:45 I was looking for you.
01:24:49 (sobbing)
01:24:53 I'm so sorry.
01:24:56 - Hey, it's okay.
01:25:00 It's okay.
01:25:01 While you were gone, I was talking to Brady,
01:25:08 and he told me that taking care of you
01:25:12 is a pretty tough job to do all by himself.
01:25:15 So I told him I'd help him take care of you.
01:25:21 Always.
01:25:24 - Okay.
01:25:29 - Okay.
01:25:31 (sobbing)
01:25:38 - I love you so much.
01:25:41 (dramatic music)
01:25:44 - Are we gonna do this?
01:25:59 - Yeah!
01:26:00 (clapping)
01:26:02 (cheering)
01:26:07 (dramatic music)
01:26:10 (clapping)
01:26:12 (dramatic music)
01:26:15 (clapping)
01:26:17 (dramatic music)
01:26:22 (dramatic music)
01:26:25 (dramatic music)
01:26:27 (clapping)
01:26:30 (dramatic music)
01:26:32 (dramatic music)
01:26:35, (dramatic music)
01:26:40 (dramatic music)
01:26:43 - As it turned out, to be married,
01:27:06 you don't have to be able to lead tall buildings
01:27:07 in a single bound.
01:27:10 It's okay just to be Clark Kent sometimes.
01:27:13 Especially if you find the lowest lane.
01:27:15 ♪ I was rising up ♪
01:27:19 ♪ Into the clouds ♪
01:27:23 ♪ I could see the earth ♪
01:27:26 ♪ Fall beneath somehow ♪
01:27:31 ♪ I could feel the wind ♪
01:27:37 ♪ Rushing by ♪
01:27:42 ♪ A flash of red ♪
01:27:44 ♪ In the evening sky ♪
01:27:49 ♪ I wish that I could show you ♪
01:27:54 ♪ Make you understand ♪
01:27:59 ♪ I could be the one to hold you ♪
01:28:03 ♪ And if I don't need you ♪
01:28:07 ♪ I'll be the chance ♪
01:28:09 ♪ I could be your Superman ♪
01:28:12 (dramatic music)
01:28:30 ♪ Other men are tied to the crowd ♪
01:28:35 ♪ I can leave a building in a single bound ♪
01:28:43 ♪ Faster than a speeding train ♪
01:28:55 ♪ With your love behind me ♪
01:28:58 ♪ I can do anything ♪
01:29:03 ♪ I wish that I could show you ♪
01:29:08 ♪ Make you understand ♪
01:29:13 ♪ I could be the one to hold you ♪
01:29:17 ♪ If you'd only give me the chance ♪
01:29:23 ♪ I could be your Superman ♪
01:29:28 ♪ I could be your Superman ♪
01:29:49 ♪ I could be your Superman ♪
01:29:54 ♪ I'm the light of the world ♪
01:30:02 ♪ And to you it blinds ♪
01:30:04 ♪ I can see the earth ♪
01:30:06 ♪ Fall beneath somehow ♪
01:30:09 ♪ I can feel the wind ♪
01:30:11 ♪ Rushing by ♪
01:30:13 ♪ A flash of red ♪
01:30:15 ♪ In the evening sky ♪
01:30:18 ♪ I could be your Superman ♪
01:30:23 ♪ We're going to Tennessee ♪