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00:05 [music]
00:25 Stand by everybody as we turn the calendar back 500 years and bring you the 123rd running of the Canterbury Tournament at Blunderstone Castle.
00:31 The weather is clear, the turf is fast, and it looks as if all attendance records will be smashed to smithereens this afternoon.
00:36 Yes sirree!
00:37 [music]
00:42 Bread or plum pudding?
00:44 Hot pudding, sir.
00:46 Get your programs here, folks. You can't hear one line from another without a program.
00:51 To the winner of this world famous tournament today will go riches, honor and glory, and the frail white delicate hand of the lovely Princess Esmeralda.
00:58 Fairest flower in all the kingdom.
01:00 [music]
01:05 What a prize for stout-hearted knights to do and die for.
01:08 And now we take you to the dressing room of the challenger, Sir Loinsday.
01:11 14 points of brawn, muscle and courage.
01:13 Blonde and blue-eyed, ready to pit his strength against the champion for the heavyweight cast-iron slugging title of the British Empire.
01:19 [music]
01:22 And here we have the little man who ever since early morning has been preparing his knight for the big day.
01:27 Introducing Cedric, the loyal and humble servant who dreams of some afternoon when he too will become a knight and face death for the smile of a lovely princess.
01:35 [sigh]
01:37 But today Cedric's duty is to see to it that his master is completely overhauled.
01:40 Valves ground, new piston rings, brakes re-lined, body simonized, and a complete change of oil.
01:45 [music]
02:01 The big moment is drawing close now. The crowd is on his toes and yelling for action.
02:05 And we go into final preparations for the big event.
02:07 The all-important last-minute touches that may very well snatch victory from defeat.
02:11 [music]
02:13 Uh-oh, hurry Cedric, hurry!
02:15 [music]
02:24 Get rid of it, stupid, anywhere, under the rug.
02:27 There's no time to lose. Before you can say Jack Robinson and the two sturdy gladiators will be out there.
02:31 Hurry up, Cedric.
02:32 Slugging it out for the championship.
02:34 The betting is 4-1 in favor of the champion, but the challenger is going in there with all the confidence in the world.
02:38 And there may be an upset if Saloine State can turn the tables.
02:40 It's only a matter of seconds now before the two armor-plated contestants meet face-to-face on the field of honor.
02:45 The last minute preparations.
02:46 But wait, folks, something's gone wrong here.
02:48 Saloine State is out, completely out, a cold night.
02:51 There's been a slip-up and it looks as though the tournament may be off.
02:53 But there's still Cedric.
02:55 Look here, Cedric, you're in the armor now.
02:57 Fate has smiled upon you.
02:58 Lucky stiff, this is your big chance.
03:01 Just imagine, you, Cedric, can be a hero and win the glory, the riches, and the honor.
03:05 To say nothing of the fair hand of the Princess Esmeralda.
03:08 Think of it, Cedric, the chance of a lifetime.
03:11 And now, coming out on the field, that night of night, circumference, the champion.
03:17 Old iron pants, they call him, never lost his seat in combat.
03:24 But many a gallant knight has gone down to defeat 'neath the hoops of his trusty warhorse.
03:28 And here we have the challenger.
03:31 It's the loyal Cedric doubling for Saloine State, willing to do or die for his master.
03:36 Or could it be the fair Princess Esmeralda?
03:38 Looks like love at first sight.
03:46 With an inspiration like this, how could anyone fail?
03:49 Easy there, Cedric, easy does it.
03:55 And now the knights and horses are in the starting gate.
03:58 They're all ready. Battle stations, visors down, lances set.
04:01 Any minute now.
04:02 Although circumference, the champion, is the odds on paper.
04:04 Ladies and gentlemen, anything can happen out here this afternoon, and probably will.
04:08 The crowd is waiting for the starting signal.
04:10 It's just a matter of seconds now.
04:11 The fans are on their toes, and here they go!
04:14 The champion is going to the front, and here comes Cedric, the challenger.
04:17 Both boys are moving into furious pace. It's gonna be ghastly.
04:20 They're moving closer now. Cedric is on the rail.
04:22 Here's the champion. They're coming up the line of scrimmage.
04:32 It's all over, it's all over.
04:34 With circumference, the winner, and still champion.
04:38 But just a minute, folks. Hold your horses. What's this?
04:48 Yes, it is. Believe it or not, little old Cedric is in there again.
04:52 What a fighting heart.
04:53 And now the champion sets himself for another charge.
04:56 There's the wind-up, the pitch, and the champion connects.
04:59 It's a line drive going over third base. No, a long foul ball into the left field reaches.
05:04 But little Cedric is right back in there again.
05:06 It's a hot night we have out there this afternoon.
05:08 But the champion is on his toes too, and that's a mighty fistful of sword he has there.
05:14 And this time he means business. He's going in for the kill.
05:16 Poor little old Cedric. This really looks like the beginning of the end, folks.
05:19 No night living could stand up under this powerhouse of tension.
05:22 It may be the kid's last ride, but he's right in their pitch.
05:25 And he connects.
05:27 What a sock this little fella packs.
05:29 And the champ rocks back on his heels.
05:31 Little Cedric sure sprung a surprise that time.
05:33 But the champion is splashing back now with a right and a left, a right and a left.
05:38 He's making every blow count. One, two, three, bow!
05:41 No holds barred in this battle.
05:43 There's a smashing right, and Cedric loses his kid for a moment.
05:48 But now the champion takes one of the noggins.
05:56 The champ is taking a little more time now. He's lost a little bit of his confidence.
05:59 This challenger is no green bubble.
06:01 He moves in and lets fly with a whirlwind attack.
06:03 A left, a right, a left, a right, right, left, right, left.
06:05 The champ is throwing everything he's got at him, but now what's holding this kid up?
06:08 He can't take this bombardment much longer.
06:10 Why doesn't somebody stop this slaughter? It just don't seem human.
06:14 It's unbearable. There ought to be a law.
06:16 Why, the whole suit will have to be scrapped, including Cedric.
06:19 But wait, the champion seems to be tiring.
06:28 Those sledgehammer blows are losing some of their steam.
06:30 The champ is breathing hard now.
06:32 Then again, we take you back inside with Cedric.
06:34 Let it cool, this boy.
06:36 But wait, something's happening out there. Let's have a look-see.
06:39 Could it be that old iron pants is beginning to weaken?
06:41 Yes, he reels in his saddle. It looks like he's going down.
06:44 Yes, he's down, he's down!
06:46 And that wraps it up, folks. The winner and new champion, little old Cedric.
06:51 Well, that's the way it goes, folks. Champ one day, champ the next.
06:55 What a day for a night, and what a night for a day.
06:59 [music]
07:06 [BLANK_AUDIO]