ALYSSA, 28, encourages women to pursue a 'housewife lifestyle' for their own happiness. She met her husband Tom, 51, at work in the military. When they began dating Alyssa was still working and studying but once they became engaged she suggested to Tom that she could stay home instead. "I thought that he was wanting a little bit more attention to the house, to the home and also to himself. So I had a sneaking suspicion that it might benefit our relationship if I stayed home," she explained. Her partner hadn't considered this dynamic as something he'd wanted in previous relationships: "I honestly thought I wanted a physicist triathlete, that was my mindset," he said. "Until I got into a relationship with Aly I didn’t even know how wonderful having a traditional relationship with gender separations is." The benefits of their arrangement have been that Tom is able to live a more stress-free, healthier life and Alyssa sees it as a better alternative to relying on a corporation that doesn't care. "I earn more now, married, than I did when I was in the military and it’s the best job I’ve ever had," she said. "I would probably be considered on his bankroll, he pays for my living, and there’s a health insurance plan." Alyssa has a presence on social media, where some of her more controversial views have been criticised. "There are feminists on Reddit who hate me, most of which are single, over the age of 30," she explained. "I wouldn’t say that I’m a feminist at all. I think feminism was all bad, men love women so much that I think they would have liberated us after they were fully liberated anyway." Adding: "I am just of the opinion that feminism was completely unnecessary and that it’s a female supremacy movement." She has been accused of being a golddigger, which Tom refutes: "She asks for a hundred dollars a week! What kind of gold digger wants that?" Despite the negativity, Alyssa believes that spreading her message is important: "There’s a lot of positive comments from women who feel like they’ve finally been seen because there is a lot of stay-at-home wives and moms who feel useless like they’ve wasted their potential because that’s the messaging that we have out there. It’s the positive comments I get from women in that context that really let me know that I’m doing the right thing."
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00:00 This is Alyssa.
00:01 She fell in love with Tom.
00:04 - My husband employs me to take care of the home
00:06 and I encourage other women to pursue the same dynamic
00:09 for their future financial success.
00:11 If you're a feminist at this point in time,
00:13 you're a clown, right?
00:15 There are feminists on Reddit who hate me,
00:18 most of which are single over the age of 30.
00:20 - They called me a white supremacist.
00:23 - Our friend is coming over to get to the bottom
00:26 of what his opinion of our relationship is.
00:28 - I don't view marriage as an economic relationship.
00:31 That's just not how I would ever choose to describe it.
00:33 It's a spiritual relationship.
00:35 - Okay, so spiritual. - It's a spiritual relationship.
00:37 (upbeat music)
00:38 - We were at the same work for a while
00:41 and I ended up becoming single
00:43 and I thought he was very attractive.
00:46 So I shot my shot and apparently it landed
00:49 'cause now I'm married and I have a baby on the way.
00:52 - We've been together, what, two and a half years?
00:54 - So we were engaged and I was going to school
00:58 and I was also working,
00:59 but I thought that he was wanting
01:02 a little bit more attention to the house,
01:04 to the home and also to himself.
01:06 So I had a sneaking suspicion
01:08 that it might benefit our relationship if I stayed home.
01:12 - I didn't even know I wanted a traditional relationship.
01:15 I, honest to God,
01:16 thought that I wanted a physicist triathlete.
01:19 So until I got into a relationship with Allie,
01:21 I didn't even know how wonderful
01:24 having a traditional relationship
01:26 where there were gender separations.
01:28 - The agreement was, was that if I sucked
01:30 at being a homemaker, that I would go back to work,
01:32 but I did not suck.
01:34 I wouldn't say I'm a feminist at all.
01:35 I think that feminism was all bad.
01:37 Men love women so much that they would have liberated us
01:41 after they were fully liberated anyway.
01:43 I am just of the opinion
01:45 that feminism was completely unnecessary
01:47 and that it's a female supremacy movement.
01:49 You're just in it for the steak and eggs.
01:50 (laughing)
01:52 So I do most of the cooking and cleaning.
01:54 I do most of the laundry as well.
01:56 He works for a long time.
01:57 Sometimes it's 10 hours a day.
02:00 So I just take care of the house while he's gone.
02:02 I earn more now married than I did
02:06 when I was in the military.
02:07 And it's the best job I've ever had.
02:09 I would probably be considered on his bankroll.
02:11 He pays for my living.
02:14 There's a health insurance plan.
02:16 - I basically said, "Hey, look,
02:17 "how much money do you need per week to do fun things?"
02:21 She said, "I need $100 for my snacks and my coffee."
02:25 And I'm like, "Okay."
02:27 We got rid of all her credit cards.
02:28 We opened up new credit cards under my account.
02:31 And so now I can see all of her purchases.
02:33 And she's very disciplined.
02:35 - I don't wanna drain my husband.
02:37 I know some wives, they don't have a conscience with that,
02:41 but I would prefer if I never had to look at a screen
02:45 about dollars ever.
02:47 Today I'm going shopping, obviously on Tom's Dine.
02:51 - She really doesn't ask for a whole lot of stuff
02:55 that she doesn't need.
02:56 She's pretty financially disciplined.
02:58 - The alternative is going to an actual job
03:01 with an actual boss.
03:03 Keep in mind that's a man that doesn't care about you.
03:05 You clock in, you clock out, you're not on his mind,
03:08 he would fire you tomorrow.
03:09 My husband is not going to fire me tomorrow.
03:12 I think that it's much more romantic than that,
03:14 but if we have to call it labor,
03:16 it's not the worst job out there.
03:18 - I haven't received anything
03:20 but positive feedback from my friends.
03:22 - They're probably high-fiving you, you know?
03:25 - Okay, I wasn't going to say that,
03:26 but yeah, there is a lot of that, right?
03:28 Because all my buddies are in their late 40s,
03:31 early 50s, like myself, and they're like,
03:32 "Damn, dude, you got a 27-year-old."
03:35 I'm like, "Mm-hmm."
03:36 - There's been controversy surrounding the age gap.
03:40 I am 28 years old.
03:42 - I'm 51.
03:42 - I think my mom was really worried.
03:44 I was wondering, how did you really feel
03:47 when I started dating Tom?
03:49 - Just a little skeptical 'cause of the age difference, but-
03:52 - You can tell us what you really thought.
03:54 - I didn't think it was gonna go.
03:55 I thought it was just, you know.
03:57 - So you thought we were gonna break up or something?
04:00 - Maybe, I don't, like, yeah, I guess. (laughs)
04:04 - Did you not want it to last?
04:05 It's okay if you didn't.
04:07 - Oh, it's either way.
04:09 I couldn't predict.
04:13 - How do you feel about me spreading my messages online?
04:17 - They're a little controversial,
04:19 but I don't like the comments that some people make.
04:24 I would just wanna go in there and go, "Ugh!"
04:26 (laughs)
04:28 - Online, I would say that I get the most judgment
04:31 because I'm a content creator.
04:33 - A woman wanting to work is very different-
04:35 - Why are male sexual appetites suppressed?
04:38 - If you're a feminist at this point in time,
04:39 you're a clown, right?
04:41 - There's a lot of assumptions, right?
04:43 I do this for a brand.
04:45 I do this because I'm uneducated.
04:47 I do this because I'm lazy.
04:49 And then, you know, there's that fun racial element.
04:51 My favorite racial joke that I've gotten
04:54 was "Lady in the streets colonized in the sheets."
04:57 I thought that was really creative. (laughs)
04:59 - They also called me a white supremacist.
05:02 And I was like, "Okay, I'm dating a Latina woman,
05:05 and I'm a white supremacist."
05:06 - There are feminists on Reddit who hate me,
05:10 most of which are single, over the age of 30.
05:13 I just want women to know
05:14 that they have other options out there.
05:17 Sometimes I've been accused of being a gold digger.
05:21 - She asked for $100 a week.
05:23 What kind of gold digger wants that?
05:25 - Actually, there's a lot of positive comments
05:28 from women who feel like they've finally been seen.
05:31 It's the positive comments that I get from women
05:33 in that context that really let me know
05:36 that I'm doing the right thing.
05:37 Our friend is coming over to get to the bottom
05:41 of what his opinion of our relationship is.
05:43 - I know that she has a YouTube channel
05:45 and that it's pretty successful.
05:47 From what I understand, she sells the idea
05:50 that you don't necessarily have to be a professional,
05:54 that it's okay to be a housewife.
05:57 - Do you think it's wrong for Alyssa
05:59 to be employed by Tami?
06:00 - Here's what I think.
06:01 Hey, here's my offer.
06:03 I will provide you a home, a house,
06:05 protection and provision.
06:07 What I ask for in return is support, a clean house,
06:12 so that I can go out into the world
06:13 and focus on the external world.
06:16 I just think that it's the right thing to do
06:18 to give you a return on investment.
06:20 If you have to put it in economic terms, fine,
06:22 but it's just doing the right thing in a marriage.
06:24 You take care of me, I take care of you.
06:27 It's a good bankroll to be on.
06:28 - I don't view marriage as an economic relationship.
06:31 I know that you can analyze it that way.
06:33 - Just to clarify, how I describe it,
06:35 that's an economic mode?
06:36 - Yeah, that's an economic way of describing it.
06:39 - 'Cause I didn't know that I was describing it that way.
06:40 - No, no, it is.
06:42 - There is an economic relationship there.
06:44 That's just not how I would ever choose to describe it.
06:47 You make a commitment to that other person, right?
06:51 So that commitment isn't about like,
06:54 I'm gonna do X, Y, Z in exchange for A, B, C.
06:58 You're gonna miss the big picture.
07:00 - I've only ever really used an economic lens
07:03 because like, literally women would rather,
07:07 some women these days,
07:08 they're just completely content to follow
07:10 the leadership of an employer that doesn't care about them.
07:13 And if you were to tell them that they could
07:15 depend on a good man financially,
07:18 they just would rather stay at that job
07:20 instead of having to cooperate,
07:22 I would even say, with a man.
07:24 So, trying to save these women.
07:26 So, these ungrateful women.
07:28 - A big corporation ain't ever gonna care about you, okay?
07:31 Like, your spouse, there's a chance.
07:34 - I'd boil it down to biology.
07:36 You're never gonna take away the genetics
07:38 and the biology of it.
07:39 Because I am in my masculine,
07:43 and I'm able to go out and provide the resources,
07:46 I feel great.
07:48 - I think most modern relationships are unhappy.
07:50 I think men act like women,
07:52 I think women act like men,
07:54 and when they get together,
07:55 they have a really unbalanced dynamic.
07:58 I think the entire culture that we have right now in America
08:02 wants you to be single, fat, depressed, and childless.
08:06 So, if you are going to be counter to that,
08:09 it's gonna be a rough go.
08:11 - We have a relationship with ourselves
08:13 that make us relatively happy,
08:15 and then we come together,
08:17 and then we have a happy marriage.
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